Top Shelf Stories
In a world that often shuns the uncomfortable, we embrace it with open arms—and open laughs. Our candid narratives around our stories assure you that awkwardness is a shared human experience. Tune in, enjoy the ride, and maybe learn a thing or two.
Top Shelf Stories
Turning Chores Into Minutes: A Parent's Playbook For Digital Balance
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
We build a screen-time economy at home to replace nagging, power struggles, and vague limits with transparent rules that reward responsibility and kindness. Along the way we trade stories about kids, laundry chaos, dinner habits, and why time beats money for motivating modern kids.
• electronics and Legos as top draws for kids
• time as currency that beats money for motivation
• spreadsheet system to earn minutes with chores and reading
• penalties for arguing and caps to prevent loopholes
• weekend preload and dinner-time caveats
• early behavior shifts and habit formation
• fairness, timers, and referee challenges
• modeling better parent screen habits
• family rituals with cards, cooking, shared shows
• long-term goal to make good habits stick
Top Shelf Stories every Tuesday. Peace out.
New Gear And Studio Banter
SPEAKER_03Here you go. I changed my my angle of my mic. Okay. So you can see more of my face now, I feel like.
SPEAKER_01All right, ready?
SPEAKER_03Top shelf stories with Jay, Chris, and Tony.
SPEAKER_00What's up? My red light's not on. I can't talk. It is on. It is on? Yeah. Son of a bitch.
SPEAKER_03Now we're not even seeing the red light. We got some new equipment in the studio.
SPEAKER_01You're not seeing the red lights on you. No, it's not. Now it is.
SPEAKER_00Today's episode brought to you by Jed Freezey. Get out of here. Jed Freezy, the best in audio video.
SPEAKER_03Them Jed Freeze, I miss them fuckers. Those are good cameras.
Kids, Screens, And Lego Obsession
SPEAKER_00Alright, so here's the deal. I have a six-year-old and I got a 13-year-old, alright? Car? Kid. Kids. Uh we're we're at a point in time in life where the most important thing to them is electronics. Really? Yeah. Both of them. Same thing. Dude, they they have they have so many things, so many tangible items they can play with. The only thing they want to touch other than an iPad or a phone or a Nintendo Switch or Xbox or PlayStation, whatever the fuck he's playing, um is Legos. That's really it. They want to build Legos and they want to stare at a screen.
SPEAKER_03At the same time, even.
SPEAKER_00And oh yeah, the fucking YouTube video playing while they're putting together Legos. Um but it it's becoming in my mind, and it it might be, it might not be. I don't I don't know what the national average is for a kid on a tablet. I don't know. Nineteen hours a day, I think.
SPEAKER_03Nineteen's national average, yeah. Makes sense. Barely enough. It's on when they're sleeping.
SPEAKER_01They're awake hours. They fall asleep with it on their face, my kids. Are they take it off their second?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, they're like all all their they got such a good life. The only anxiety in their life is whether or not they can get to a charger.
SPEAKER_01The charger. I need a charger now. Now, dad, now are you telling me you haven't bought them wireless uh mod chargers that you can put? No, I'm not trying to make it.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, they're carrying around with their batteries. My batteries dead.
SPEAKER_01They have a case that you can just connect the mod charger while it's like gives it an extra complete battery.
SPEAKER_03I you know, if we times this heavy, but listen, if we want to get backpack with a battery on it.
SPEAKER_00If we want to get rich, what we could what we need to do is invent a power bank that's a wireless charger and fashion it into children's gloves. So while they're holding it, it's charging.
SPEAKER_01Do you want kids to have gloves on at all times? How are they gonna mess with their screen? Fingerless, bro. Come on.
SPEAKER_00Fingerless gloves. Hey, dude, if women can if women can run around uh wearing fanny packs uh around their shoulders. Oh, okay. Okay, I I thought you were saying an actual fanny pack. That's a guy thing. No, all these women, I see them all the time, all summer long. They wear fanny packs. It goes over one shoulder, right? Like it's a gun strap. Yeah, it goes over one shoulder. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you know, I'll see a lady I know, and I'll be like, hey, nice fanny pack, and they're like, it's not a fanny pack. What do they call it? What do they call it? It's got a name. It's there's some kind of name in the high fashion of Lululemon that they rebranded the standard fanny pack. And I think it's just because they made too many fanny packs.
SPEAKER_03Well, I've I've worn my fanny pack in that fashion, like it's a like it's an ammo belt across my chest. Only just because it gets too heavy to have worn it around your waist for four days straight at a music festival that you sometimes strap it up onto your shoulder.
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_03It just holds like your cell phone and yeah, and and you're gone.
SPEAKER_00Um but uh I'm getting really kind of irritated with with how important non-important electronics are becoming in my household.
The Charger Panic And Parenting Humor
SPEAKER_01Do your kids oh boy, Tony, your kids talk to other kids while they're playing games? Uh yes, on his PlayStation. So my yeah, my kid will be like he has a phone, an iPad, and an Xbox. So he'll be talking on the phone with a friend, doing self watching a video, like a reel on his iPad, and then playing the Xbox with his friend as well as talking on the phone.
SPEAKER_00It's cool. So I I kind of created um and I didn't invent this or anything.
SPEAKER_03I remember when electronic battleship was like, oh damn, dude, you mean that it calls out your shots?
SPEAKER_01I blew up your battleship.
SPEAKER_00Okay. I uh we're old. I I drew out uh basically a spreadsheet for them. What? Um yeah, and and it has pretty much every task that they could possibly be asked or told to do. Like a chores list? It it's like a chores list, but there's other things on there, like, and I don't know how it is in your household, and your kid's an only child, so this isn't a thing, but like right now, right now I'm going through this thing where both of my kids are super shitty to each other all the time. No, it doesn't the little one the little one antagonizes the big one all fucking day because the big one doesn't want to play with the little one because he wants to play with his friends on PlayStation, and the little one is is excluded, so he does things to irritate the big one. What did you say their years apart were again? Uh six and thirteen. Oh, that's a big age gap. Yeah, so you were smart, you had one in the middle of that age gap.
SPEAKER_01I had I every five four or five years I had a kid.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I was the smart test. Yeah, didn't let the kids outnumber me.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, you had one, but uh and then you know, you know, the older one finds ways to fuck with his little brother where he'll just laugh at him for for the way he says something. Sure. And then it turns into a big ordeal, and then a little one starts crying, and and he's not crying because his feelings are hurt, he's crying because he knows that that's the direct path to get his older brother in trouble. Is to cry. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01So then when they're fighting, you're like, go on your iPad.
SPEAKER_00No, no, don't play in your iPad. That's leave him alone. So that's when everything gets taken away. And and I don't really like that method. I don't feel like that's effective. I feel like that that's like a weird threat. Like, you're not gonna be able to get this thing. Like, be good or I'm gonna take away this thing. I also don't like those threats either. I feel like it it's kind of it's kind of making me into like the bad guy. Like they call you Hitler? Like they're only good around me so that they don't lose their fucking basically I mean it's kids' version of heroin.
SPEAKER_03Yes.
SPEAKER_01Do you ever eavesdrop on your kids talking about you?
SPEAKER_03It's also the adult version of heroin.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, this is true. You ever eavesdrop on your kids talking about you?
SPEAKER_03So that's interesting, Jay. We should get back to that at some point, yeah.
Designing A Screen-Time Earning System
SPEAKER_00So I created this like spreadsheet of of all these things that they can or can't do, and uh it's going to earn them minutes. Time. And and uh the thing is is it it comes with stipulations like hey, making your bed, it's gonna get you five minutes it? Five minutes of tablet time.
SPEAKER_01Five minutes is like turning it on for them. It's like five minutes, dad.
SPEAKER_00I can't even log on them with my pretty simple task, making it so they gotta they gotta do things they gotta unmake and make their bed 16 times. Well no, so here's the thing. Um like so okay, so school gives them a minimum requirement to read. Right. So the school gives them like 20 minutes to read. In they have to do it each night. Every day. So on their on their list, they can um they can read their 20 minutes, it'll get them 10 minutes uh of uh whatever screen time. So but if they want to read for 30 minutes, that'll get them an extra 10 minutes. So they're gonna So the longer they read the more incentivized it is. It it's basically basically the same shit I would do for them to earn an allowance. Yeah. But dude, honestly, uh money doesn't fucking mean anything to these kids. Unless they're asking for Roblox bucks. Like it literally means nothing. They don't understand the value of money. They do, I mean, they they they do things like Chase worked a bunch of days this this uh summer, um, and he earned several hundred dollars this summer from me.
SPEAKER_01Tearing out carpet and a house.
SPEAKER_00Uh a lot of things moving. We moved uh a lot of shit over to one build uh different building, and yeah, he helped with that a lot, and he helped with cleaning and organizing and setting up racks. And I mean, he worked hard and he earned this money, and he takes this money and he puts it in his wallet and he doesn't think about it ever again because he doesn't have to fucking use it.
SPEAKER_03That's the thing. The kids, what do they use their money for?
SPEAKER_00He's got nothing to use it for because the problem.
SPEAKER_03Because if he wants a game, you just get it for him.
SPEAKER_00Well, well, that's the thing. They don't it's hard, it's different because when I was a kid and I wanted something, everything I wanted costed money. Yep, and now almost everything they want is free to them. Like he wants to play Crash Royale on his phone all day. Well, Crash Royale is just some fucking free phone game, it's a good game. I play that all the time. Uh, I bet you do. Like, ironically, I everybody I know plays it.
SPEAKER_01My wife I don't play it. My wife's like, You're past your minutes, Jay.
SPEAKER_00You gotta go make that bed. For real. But that's the thing, it's like there's no monetary value to that. It's not like when I wanted a video game when I was a kid, it was$40, and I had to figure out a way to get$40 so I can buy whatever WWE or weird.
SPEAKER_03Because you would spend all this time and energy to try to get that$40. You get that game, and that game fucking sucked. And then now the games are so good, they're free, they're so good, they're addicting, and all you have to do is just spend time, like you're saying. It's not money, it's time.
SPEAKER_00So that's how the the game company makes their money. That's why they can give it to you for free because they're fucking collecting everything about you and keeping you on that platform and throwing a fucking ad for a different game. Yep. You know, so so the money like literally means nothing to them except for if they're in a position where they want something that we say no to, they're like, Well, I'll use my own money.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, it's almost like another vice against us as parents is them actually having money.
Money Means Less Than Minutes
SPEAKER_01So why kid has too much money too? She doesn't even know what to spend it on. Because they don't have a card, they just ask for like they want to buy a$20 game and they just give you cash and you buy it. Is that kind of thing how you do it?
SPEAKER_00No, I mean I did make them do that with V-Box.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, the Bucks thing and the Robux and shit, my kid buys all her own. Because I tell her, like, I don't think you should buy anything on this platform. She gives you money and then you buy it. But then she goes and will be like, well, I got 15 bucks from Aunt Jackie or whatever it is, and I'll take that money. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. I I mean I explained to them that uh my family doesn't spend their money on free games. Like, and it's not even for something usable for the game. It's like something that fucking gets them further in this free game. Sometimes I want to look like fucking Homer Simpson right now, so I need$13.
SPEAKER_03But sometimes you can pay like$20 and then the game doesn't have ads anymore. It's all free, and you get all the little features and like ability to rewind and the whole whatever, yeah, or the app or whatever. That's the ones that my kid normally buys. Like, oh, I want all the worlds, so then I she just buys all the worlds in like her game.
SPEAKER_01I do some of that though, you know. I'm I'm I'm a big kid. I don't do any of that on YouTube. I like I like watching YouTube videos while I'm working. Well, I mean not watching, I'm you pay YouTube premium then. I'll pay like whatever it is, like five dollars a month, and I don't have to listen to stupid ads all the time. Makes sense. If I'm watching it, I'm gonna do it. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Just watching like Pokemon card opening packs and shit like that.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I'm uh I like to listen to a lot of history shit. Like I hated history at school, but now I know about it like for the past couple months. I know about all the wars, the Cold War, fucking World War I, World War II. I just I don't know. I just it's a it's entertaining to me.
SPEAKER_03On our next episode, we're gonna have Jay recap all right the major points of World War II.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, World War II. Well it was it was actually started because of World War the outcome of World War One.
SPEAKER_00Quick quick side note did anybody watch the uh the kill Tony episode that's out right now.
SPEAKER_01I see oh you're talking about on Netflix, yeah. I didn't watch that, but I I've I've been seeing a lot of shorts on Facebook and they show the Kill Tony show or they have a comedian. Yeah. Is that his whole stick? Yeah, he has a comedian, just a random comedian come out, and then they kind of write him them, her him, and then they they talk shit about them for whatever time.
Reading For Minutes And Ad-Free Apps
SPEAKER_00So so the different the the concept of the show is aspiring comedians, yeah, or somebody wants to try comedy, yeah, they go put their name in a bucket and he pulls a couple names, however much time. So all these people are waiting behind the scenes for one minute to be picked. No, they well, I think on uh on uh Netflix version of it, but I've been listening to that show for like 10 years on and off, and uh a lot of times they're they're all in the audience, and he calls their name and they come in from the audience. Okay and uh so now now he's this is like his third one on Netflix, and he has some uh some actual comedians like people have become famous from his show, but like a low level of fame, but he has he has these comedians come up that are established, and uh on this most recent one, he has uh Rob Schneider come out and do they they all get to do like a minute of stand-up. Rob Sneider's great, and Rob Schneider does this joke about his dad having survivors guilt from World War II and how he never wants to talk about it, and he's like when I was 10 years old, he finally wanted to talk about it, and he does uh hit his his side and his grandpa's side talking about World War II, and uh he does his hit that his grandpa fought for the Germans. He's like Americans everywhere, libs everywhere.
SPEAKER_01What nationality is Schneider again? He's German. Schneider something else German. I thought he was like uh I don't know, whatever it is.
SPEAKER_00I mean, his wife is probably the most beautiful Hispanic chick I've ever seen.
SPEAKER_01His his comedy has become political lately, I've noticed. Uh he's on the he's on the right side and he's he's very hating uh he has his own like brand of tequila called leftist tears. Yeah, like he's a he's against the woke bourbon, I think. Yeah, he's very politicalized.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but he's great, he's funny. But anyway, so I started this uh I started this list, and it's not just picking up dog shit and washing dishes. Like there's a lot of things that earn them time. Um, like one is being kind to each other to each other just for an entire night.
SPEAKER_01How many minutes does that get them on their on their half hour? Oh shit. So making their beds. But it can't be used on the day.
SPEAKER_00Because it has to be from from morning until they go to bed.
SPEAKER_03So basically you can't just be like Oh, so at the end of the day, they know how much they got the next day available to them. That's a good way.
Comedy Tangent And Cultural Asides
SPEAKER_00And then and then also one of the half hour items, because a half hour is my maximum. One of the half hour items is uh making the choice for a whole day not to go on a screen. So this is all for like accumulated time. So they only can accumulate a half hour a day. No. There's one there's one item. So if they decide to not go on electronics for the whole night, uh huh and they choose to do Legos together the whole night. Yeah. And and do their reading for school, which they have to do anyway, so that's earning them time. Um, but if they decide to build Legos all night instead of going on electronics, they just earned an hour for the next day. Got it. Because they didn't fight and they they didn't do that. What's the longest they've earned in one day? So so it's funny you asked that because it was your next thing to get on. We no, so we we I drew up the list on Friday. So we've been doing a I would say a soft opening on this list, and uh so they're not technically earning time, but they're kind of doing the things to see how hard it's gonna be for them to earn time because we go out of time. We're out of town at the end of this week, and then we come home for a day, and then me and Michelle are out of town for another week. So I'm not gonna start this system when they're being babysat by my mother-in-law. Like I I just so it's in testing mode, it doesn't make sense. It's in testing mode right now. It it's the pilot version of this, and uh uh they know that when we come back uh like the day we get back, this is all starting. So it they're taking some time to process it and see how hard it is to not fight for a whole lot. It's interesting, it's an interesting way to combat the problem. And I've I've already, even though they both know that it's not it's not in effect yet, it's changing the way that they're trying to do the they're trying to like make sure like when they get home from school now, it's not drop my book bag in the middle of the walkway and go sit on the couch and one's on his phone, one's on his tablet. Now they're like, Do I have clothes to put away? Did I do this this morning? Is there dishes in the dishwasher? And then they're being helpful to each other to practice not arguing. Seems like it's kind of working then.
SPEAKER_01So when does the rebellion start? Because this is pretty new.
SPEAKER_03I think part of the thing about the time on the pad is it's creating a value to it so that it's not wasted. Like you just jump, like you said, just jump on it and go on it, like just to doom scroll into nothingness. Well, no, I want to go play with my friends on Roblox or wherever or on whatever. And so I'm gonna not just doom scroll, I'm gonna try to get some extra minutes earned so that when I do want to play my game, I don't have to be worried about it. I can play for 45 minutes to an hour and it's no big deal. And then they really want to do on the internet, they don't want to watch these stupid video second clip things and flip their phone the whole time.
SPEAKER_00Well, and then and then I also uh we kind of talked about it a little bit, and uh they made some suggestions in their favor, obviously.
SPEAKER_03Sure, to make it easier or whatever.
SPEAKER_00And I took their suggestions because I don't want I don't want to turn this into like a fucking prison style situation for them.
SPEAKER_03Sure.
Rewards, Penalties, And Max Daily Limits
SPEAKER_00I I need them to to learn how to be responsible. I need the I need them to learn how to do things without being asked to do them. Like my wife folds all the laundry and then she puts their pile on the stairs. And and even though it's their responsibility to put it away. Where does she put your pile? I do my own laundry. Even though it's their responsibility to put it away. I don't like the way my wife folds my clothes. I don't like I'm not gonna even touch it right now. I'm not touching it. Oh my god, so like she folds things that I hang and then How does she do your socks?
SPEAKER_01Like she puts them in balls, and you're like, fuck those balls. I hate those balls.
SPEAKER_00Oh no, God, balls. Socks don't go in balls. You know Tony's gonna be able to do it. My socks stack. I got three different styles of socks that I have, and they get laid out in their natural form and they get stacked straight.
SPEAKER_03They don't get paired until he puts them on his feet, man. It's wild. It's wild. He could be wearing two left foots right now, and we don't even know.
SPEAKER_00Well, they stay in they stay in their their stacks. So wait, yeah. Based on color, like the old days.
SPEAKER_01What if what if your wife's got like she's behind in laundry and she has I do my own laundry. This listen, she's behind the laundry and she's got like two days of saw laundry to do, and you can't get in there, and you got you got yes underwear, you're like, fuck, I can't wear these again.
SPEAKER_00My wife doesn't work hard at it enough where where it's like they're always running, like things are getting switched. There's always like a big enough break where I can sneak in and put all her shit from the washer and the dryer in a basket, do my shit, and then put her shit back, and she doesn't even notice.
SPEAKER_01Actually, I was gonna I was thinking that you actually were gonna say, I have my own washer and dryer that I use for myself.
SPEAKER_03Well, I just use the washer and dryer from the lower instead of the upper floor.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, from the east wheel. I installed one in my closet. I wouldn't doubt it. Um, but you know, with with this new rule set up, you know, putting away their clothes, which is something that they have to do anyway, earns them 10 minutes. Yeah. And they're not gonna be walking by their piles on the stairs anymore.
SPEAKER_03Knowing that there's 10 minutes.
SPEAKER_00Knowing that there's yeah, that there's 10 minutes up in here, are you kidding me?
SPEAKER_03Like the faster you clean the pile, the faster there's another pile to learn and earn another 10 minutes.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, my wife does the same thing. She puts in the piles, and like she'll do mine in piles too. And I'm like, Can you just put it away? You're upstairs with your your laundry. Can't you just put your laundry away and then mine? I mean, stack them together. Just have fun with it. Just do it.
SPEAKER_03I'm not getting started on the laundry. It's a terrible, terrible.
SPEAKER_01You do your own laundry too, don't you?
SPEAKER_03No, there's no, it's all shared. There's no system. What do you mean shared? As with most things in my life, there is no system, there is no routine, there is no he does, I does.
SPEAKER_01Rhyme or reason?
SPEAKER_03When there's laundry to be done and there's free time available, laundry gets done. Whether it's my free time and my laundry or her free time and her laundry.
SPEAKER_01I don't know how to do laundry. Like, I wouldn't, I think I would burn the clothes.
SPEAKER_03I'd put it out too high too long. Currently, a debate on in the laundry game of do you fold or do you de-inside out clothing when you fold it or when you put it into the dirty laundry?
SPEAKER_01So much more work.
Testing Phase And Early Behavior Shifts
SPEAKER_03I do it when I put it in the dirty laundry. They expect me to do when it's folding time, and I'm like, that's not fair. And then there's also the put away problem. She'll put mine away right away. I'll tend to stack it up on her dresser and stack Claire's in a basket, and then it never gets put away.
SPEAKER_01So it's just like stays on there, and then you just pull from the the pile of clothes on top of the dresser.
SPEAKER_03Kind of, and then I'll be like, Where were you for the last two hours, Kate? Like, I was putting away all that freaking laundry we have laying around. Yeah, see, I I don't know. This is no game. There's no system.
SPEAKER_00This system was I I think I'm just fucking nuts.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, you probably sit next to the dryer with a timer move.
SPEAKER_00My clothes need to be put away while they're still warm. Yeah, I get it.
SPEAKER_03No, I pretty much I hear that buzzer beep and I go put it away.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I don't like putting away cold laundry. I prefer it to be warm.
SPEAKER_01In the beginning of my like when I actually did laundry, I would always forget that I did a set of fucking stuff, and then you know how it would, if you don't take it out and put it in the dryer right away, it gets all disgusting. So I'd wash my clothes like six times because I keep forgetting to put it in the goddamn dryer.
SPEAKER_03That that I hate a lot is the the wet clothes in the wet wash. Dinks if you leave in there too long. But I don't know, think about it. You're you're getting these kids to do things that's good. You're using the devices, it's it it makes sense, sort of. There is a problem with the devices. I don't know what the answer is. I don't know if making chores be part of it is the answer, though. As long as they're learning like a value system of the time online's value, like like you said, it's not the money, but there's a value to you spending your time staring at a screen. What are you doing on there? And and what what what are you losing by doing it? Like trying to have them figure out that value system is tough.
SPEAKER_01And how do you time it? Like you say, you gave an hour, they got an hour today.
SPEAKER_03You were there with uh like a fucking egg egg timer, and sounds like you need referees for a lot of this, yeah. Like how are you refereeing it? Well, so I put that away. No, you didn't. No, I did.
SPEAKER_00No, you didn't this is another thing which is two hours. No, I earned an hour. With the six-year-old, it's a little it's a little easier because I don't really know how to do it with the i f iphone. Like you can set timers on there, yeah. Yeah. I I can just I can pre-load the time into his from your actual phone. From my phone. Oh, you figured that out. Sorta.
SPEAKER_03For the little guy.
SPEAKER_00Sorta. For the little guy.
SPEAKER_03So he's got on time on. But your other boy's got an iPhone, he's got the I the game system, he's got the computer.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so it's a it's a little trickier because there's also a couple things uh in our in our contract that I'm in the middle of having my lawyer go through right now. Like if you're both watching a TV show, does that count? Well, so there's the couple stipulations. I'll I'll get to that in a second, but there's also things that make them lose time. Um and like one is arguing with me. Oh, that seems discretionary.
SPEAKER_03Like you're you're you're like a judge. Yeah, you're like a Yeah, there's no three-party system here.
SPEAKER_01You can't argue with that.
SPEAKER_00Shut up. I mean, I don't neither one of you did you grow up in a pretty strict house.
SPEAKER_03Are you yelling? You're gonna lose time, Chase. Like the story's witness, man.
SPEAKER_00The stories strict and even. Did you just argue with your parents? Yeah, of course.
Laundry Systems, Habits, And Household Roles
SPEAKER_03No, that was that was not something that it was not an option. It was not something you did.
SPEAKER_00Like I grew up in a single mother household. We'd do whatever you wanted. Where we were poor as fuck, and my mom didn't have time to deal with me trying to argue with her on shit. So anytime I tried arguing with my mom about something, and there was no just telling her no. If she said go do the dishes, it there was no like, yeah, dude, I'll get to it when I'm done with this fucking Nintendo game or reading this National Geographic or whatever the fuck my poor ass did when I was a kid. Uh there it was you get the fuck up and you do what you were told immediately. Yeah. And uh uh my kids they listen to me, but they don't have that there's no fear. There's not that urgency. No, there's not that urgency. Like the time I didn't get out of my grandpa's chair fast enough, and and we're talking a matter of three seconds. Like I got airlifted by my ear across the living room. Like there was a consequence if you didn't do well, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Back in the day, you could hit your kids. Now, if you touch them, they call 911, you're arrested.
SPEAKER_00Right. And I have a feeling CPS could get called on me just for limiting their screen time.
SPEAKER_03Oh, and your zip code? Hell yeah, you can't do that. Yeah, they just like calling them by their wrong pronouns out by you. Yeah, dude.
SPEAKER_01Dad, I gotta tell you something. I'm no longer going as him and her him.
SPEAKER_00I'm now they them. Yeah, but there there was uh a couple caveats put in uh suggestions by the children. Caveats with the caveats. Uh one is um preloaded time on the weekends.
SPEAKER_03You give them some bonus time, because it's a full day. It's a full day with no school, no activity.
SPEAKER_00So so we agreed, we agreed on uh three hours. It's pretty substantial. And it starts Friday when they get off of school, and it ends Sunday at 8 p.m. Okay. So three hours without using any of their earn time. And I felt like that was relatively fair. It's not enough.
SPEAKER_03Do you have you been checking your time? It's see if you're anywhere.
SPEAKER_00My argument, my argument with it is is that three hours if we're doing something and they don't get to use it that weekend, if we're you know, running around and they're not on their whatever, um, that does not get carried over into the week. No, it's not the weekend.
SPEAKER_01I've noticed that you like that's a boring weekend. You get a lot of time. Tony, you yourself, you like reels because you send me uh Facebook messages all the time. Yep. Uh do they have I send you like two a week. They ever say, Dad, uh, why are you allowed to be on your phone all night sliding through these stupid reels? Like they're watching you, the kids aren't stupid.
SPEAKER_03It doesn't matter what the kids say, Jay.
SPEAKER_01Well, I'm not I'm just saying, like so. And here's the other thing though.
SPEAKER_03There's like do I would want to use it as a regulator. I get what Jay's saying.
SPEAKER_01Do as what you would want your kids to do. No, I don't so I understand you are the parent, you could do whatever you want, but right, and and I'll fucking stand by that ten toes on the ground.
SPEAKER_00So you shut the fuck up and do what I say, not as I do. But uh also I'm I'm on my phone very sporadically. Like there's been a couple times in the last six months or so where I just sit down and I get lost in my phone. And is this normally at home or at work? It's crazy when that happens, and all of a sudden you're like, damn, it's already and and I'm like, holy shit, I've been sitting on this thing for like over an hour. But normally, if I go on reels or something, I'm either taking a shit. So you better believe 90% of videos that you get from me uh were sent to you while I was sitting in my own shit as well.
SPEAKER_01I got a damn image of you shitting while sending me these videos. Like, I got to watch his video, but like, was he like wiping at this time?
Family Time, Dinner Rules, And TV Caveats
SPEAKER_00Yeah, sometimes. So sometimes I don't mean to send them to you, it's just it's I swiped while I was going for info. You are such a laugh. But uh but I I don't spend as much time on my phone as r really like I feel like I'm on my phone more than I actually am. I I really don't even like being on my phone. A lot of times at home I have no idea where my phone is. I'm on my phone. It's usually I go try to find it when I'm going to sleep. But you know, I do I do a lot of cooking, a lot of the food prep. You know, I just explained to you guys I'm doing my own laundry. I run to kids when they need to go places. I usually don't get home until late to begin with. Like I I just I don't have a lot of time to be on my phone. And when I do, I'll I'll open Facebook because I don't play games on my phone. Um I'll open Facebook, go directly to Reels, I'll flip through six of them, and then I'll just fucking close it and go do something else.
SPEAKER_01Now you speaking of all the things you've done or do, what does your wife do? When you have these uh times given out to your kids, like does your wife she have any say in all this stuff? No. So what does she do? She's not doing laundry. Well, she's doing everybody else's laundry. She's not doing the times for the I mean that seems like a chore in itself. That seems like you're gonna spend an hour a day doing that.
SPEAKER_00She when we're uh she doesn't well okay, so she does play a game on her phone that occupies probably four hours a day. No God no, but 75% of the time she is on her phone. Well, we don't know how long she's gonna be. But she's not on her phone that much either. Like a lot of times she's she's at home, she's she does fucking paperwork for our business. And she does some cooking and she does some food prep, and she does some laundry, and you know, there is still we do shit with our kids, and a lot of times, uh whether it's with our kids or without our kids, if we're not doing anything, we're playing we either play uh usually cards. We play uh a game. I don't know, I don't know if it's more of a Wisconsin thing or if it's kind of a game that people play everywhere, but the game cribbage And I never played it. I know it. Never played it. We we play it probably four days a week. Our cribbage board stays on our table. Nice. And if we got like a half hour we ain't doing shit instead of sitting on our phones, we fucking play cribbage.
SPEAKER_01You guys always eat uh dinner at the same time? No, but you're always at the dinner table together.
SPEAKER_00No, so so this is another thing. We don't eat at a dinner table. Eat the couch in front of a TV? We eat at a couch and we got a lift up T uh table. Sure. Yeah. And that's where we eat and while watching TV. And that's the only time of the night we watch TV is while we're eating dinner. Like I don't I don't even have we all have TVs in our bedrooms, but we don't have a TV in our living room, our TV's in our basement.
SPEAKER_01On a fold-up coffee table? Yeah, it's a big table. Oh shit, that must be huge. Yeah. It's okay good-sized. I don't know. But like, how does they get to the same level that you all see on pull-ups? But you're sitting on the couch and you want a different level than they are at. They're standing while you're sitting, eating. Sometimes.
SPEAKER_00Like I said, they do what I say now as I do. Um so that was another that was another caveat that they that time decided.
SPEAKER_03Tube time.
SPEAKER_00That side does not that time that we're eating dinner does not count for or against their their electronic time.
SPEAKER_03That's somehow family time.
SPEAKER_01Chris, do you have you guys sit at the dinner table and eat as a family?
SPEAKER_03I always want to, but I'm the only one, it seems like. So you're by yourself and everyone's else somewhere else. Well, I don't eat at the table, though. By yourself at a lonely table. I've done it.
SPEAKER_00One candle lit. You need a book or something?
SPEAKER_03We go on streaks where we'll all eat at the dinner table at the same time for like a week or two, and then it kind of fades away. It's hard to. Everyone's got different timing of everything. Like my kids in gymnastics, sometimes I'm eating during that time. Sometimes I'm eating here once a week. You know, it it never works out. The old dinner table meetups not like it used to be.
SPEAKER_01No, no. When we were kids, yeah, you had to be you had to be at that dinner table at that time. Or you didn't eat. Or you didn't eat. They they you'd you'd go star you'd starve. Yeah. And you had to eat what it was served, and if you didn't eat what it was served, you didn't eat. Exactly. Like I said, I make a different meal for each one of the kids. Everyone gets a different meal.
Fairness, Refereeing, And Tech Timers
SPEAKER_00That was uh that was the rule in our house. Growing up is if uh if you didn't want what was served to you, your other options were nothing or nothing. There was no there was no I'm not gonna eat this, I'm gonna make I'm gonna eat a lunchable or whatever the fuck kids eat now. Like there were there was a lot of people. It's amazing how much we let our kids get away with. We totally didn't have like a set time in our house. Like I said earlier, single mom, she had two jobs. Like some days, you know, she would get off at her second job at like eight and then we'd eat and go to bed. Sometimes she had like an hour between jobs, so we'd eat then.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, remember your story about the pizza on the on the stove. Yep, that would stay there for a week, and you guys would just take a piece of the page. Yeah, that was the grazing pizza. That's that's you you know what sick you could get from that? No, yeah, meat and the pizza sitting outside of the fridge. Never put it in the fridge. You know, you guys walk by and just take a slice and eat it.
SPEAKER_00Buddy boy, I do that to this day. Yeah, it's not that bad. You never put it in the fridge. My wife always wants to, but who the fuck wants to eat cold pizza? What is this doing in the fridge? So he takes it out, puts it in the fucking fridge. Who wants to eat cold pizza? Well, you worn up. Oh, microwaving pizza is gross.
SPEAKER_01No, you gotta put you gotta you got an air fryer? You probably gotta air fryer. No, I don't got an air fryer. Put it in air fryer just like you just got it delivered. Could you not try it? Well, you don't have an air fryer, so you gotta buy one.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. I don't know. I just prefer room temp two days old. Room temp.
SPEAKER_01Nuts. Alright, well, I uh I can appreciate what you're doing, and if I had uh I don't know, I guess I have the time. I just I don't feel like doing that. It seems like a lot of work. I got three kids, so I got an extra one to do it for you.
SPEAKER_00See, here's here's here's my hopes. Cut that music for a minute. Here's my hopes with this whole system.
SPEAKER_03If you boot the 18-year-old out, then you're down to two. You're already.
SPEAKER_00He's gonna be 19, isn't it? Here's the idea of my system, and this this is like this is like my overall plans in life. Like, I want to instill this screen time as something that's earned because everything else in your life is done, right? Yeah, and and I get it, it's gonna be a lot of work on me, primarily me, because I'm the one who does all the all any form of fucking discipline with my kids. My wife, you know, like a lot of people, feel like it's just easier to do everything for the kids. Yeah, and it is a lot of that. It it totally is. It's easy to fucking do whatever your kid needs, and it's harder to make them do it and stand over them and make sure they're doing it properly and succeeding at it and whatever the case is. But once you get in the habit of doing everything for your kid, that's the fucking norm forever. It's impossible to once you once you teach the kid how to do something, then it's not something that needs to be watched over. And what what I need to do is basically start from scratch with teaching these kids that all the things that need to get done need to be done before you have time to go fuck off. And and I'm hoping that that this whole list and keeping track of the time and yada yada yada with the shit, it's only a very temporary thing before it just becomes their habit.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. That would make sense. Yeah, true, American.
SPEAKER_00I'm hoping I'm hoping that this is how it goes, since I've spent a considerable amount of time uh ruining my children by letting them do this kind of shit.
SPEAKER_03The younger one will be better off because he'll have had started this early. Right. It was ruined for less time.
SPEAKER_00The older one, now I now I gotta like on teach them bad habits. Yeah. I don't have high hopes for the older one. No, it's really hard when I get it. The younger one I could still save.
Weekends, Preloaded Time, And Parent Modeling
SPEAKER_03I try to tell my kid to get off the phone while I'm literally scrolling through something on my phone, you know, like Yeah, it's it's that's uh the hard thing to find. But I do like the idea of creating the value system beyond behind it.
SPEAKER_00And it's not honorable thing. I've been noticing it, it's been bothering me for a while, but then I also hear stories from you about your 18-year-old like doesn't come out of his fucking room. Like sleeps this is just his fucking life.
SPEAKER_01Yesterday he slept until six o'clock. I feel like I think it did that when I was 18, though. He has an alarm. He has an alarm that goes off every day. He put he sets an alarm for every hour on the hour every day, and it just goes off. He turns it off, another one comes on. Is does he have a job yet? He still works at Cousins, and he he'll help me, but he's got to get up in the morning to help me.
SPEAKER_00Which is already a problem for you.
SPEAKER_03Does he want to uh does he want to learn the wholesale appliance business? Because I can take him down my path if he wants. I I have no idea. Pick him up at 5 55 tomorrow. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01You'd have to call him. You have to call him and ask him that. AM or PM. 5 55. You gotta call him and ask him that.
SPEAKER_00No, I I just I don't I don't want them in a position as adults where this where this kind of nonsense is more important than everything else in their life.
SPEAKER_01Do they have pets? Like are like personal pets, like a gerbil or a girlfish? No. Well, that's another thing you could do. You gotta feed it. Start them with a plant. Make them grow a plant.
SPEAKER_00Make them grow a plant. Just sit there and watch a poor gerbil suffer and die in front of me.
SPEAKER_03While the kid's trying to take care of it.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Just so I can prove to him that you actually have to take care of it.
SPEAKER_02Dad, you said I just had to clean his thing once a week to get 10 minutes. I didn't know how to do anything else to get 10 minutes.
SPEAKER_01I don't know where the food is. Where did I get the food to feed it? I never know how to redo the water.
SPEAKER_00I thought they just I thought they just whatever made their own water. Yeah, I don't I gotta do.
unknownI get it.
SPEAKER_00So thanks for thanks for helping me with the inspiration to do this.
SPEAKER_01Because what I I'm the the the track that you don't want to go down scenario, yeah.
SPEAKER_03Jay's kid in the closet room playing Nintendo Closet Room.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, calling figuring out a way to hack into the phone systems and call everybody in your family from your family. That's yeah, that's an old podcast. Yeah, yeah, that was scary. That just got released recently.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that was just uh made me uh but you know the thing is if you listen to that whole podcast, I never knew until well, I on the podcast I didn't know what was going on, so I never told it like we never talked about actually like how it like I figured it out. And Tony, yes, you said it. I bet you this is someone that that's in your family. Oh, it was yeah, if you listen to it, someone fucking with you, yeah. It's my son. My son was I didn't know that. My son and my nephew. Uh uh They did it just like Tony said in the app. Downloaded an app, and then app has two people call each other from their phone numbers. I don't know what the fuck the app is, but they found it out. Crazy. They're fuckers.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
Cards, Cribbage, And Non-Screen Rituals
SPEAKER_01They were any smart. Ruined your whole family's lives for like two weeks. That's hilarious. I knew it was him. I just didn't really know. Tony knew I should have. Suspicions. I should have just been like, hey, I'm gonna have Tony call you and fucking get it out of you. All right, well, that's our episode. This is Top Shelf Stories every Tuesday.
SPEAKER_03Peace out.
