Top Shelf Stories
In a world that often shuns the uncomfortable, we embrace it with open arms—and open laughs. Our candid narratives around our stories assure you that awkwardness is a shared human experience. Tune in, enjoy the ride, and maybe learn a thing or two.
Top Shelf Stories
What Happens When Your Stereo Explodes Into Roaches
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
Three friends trade pest war stories, from a roach-filled boombox to a lake house overrun by mosquitoes, then cut through fear to what actually works. We question sales tactics, share DIY wins, and sort out which bugs matter, which don’t, and when to call a pro.
• mice at work and the case for quarterly service
• the boombox roach outbreak and long cleanup
• fear, upsells and how to vet exterminators
• boxelder bugs vs stink bugs and simple fixes
• apartment life, DIY sealing and safety
• carpenter bees as pollinators and wood damage
• vacuum tricks, dish soap sprays and sealing
• mosquitoes, light and water attractants
• roaches, bed bugs and lice realities
• habits, prevention and integrated pest control
Find us on the internet. Topshow stories podcast every single Tuesday, ready for you on your favorite streaming platforms
Top Shelf Stories with Jay, Chris, and Tony.
SPEAKER_01:What's up? Hey, Tony. Hey, man. So have any of you in your lifetime have ever had the need for an exterminator?
SPEAKER_03:Probably the need, yes. When I was renting places, I'm sure some of these places needed to be cleaned by an exterminator. Currently, I have in my professional life, I manage a warehouse, and we have mice that come in because it's near a field and it's a warehouse, and I have an exterminator that comes, yes. So I do have a limited experience.
SPEAKER_02:What would be the worst thing to have a rat infestation or tons of spiders all of your I don't think we have rats really around here much.
SPEAKER_03:Okay, mice. But mice, excuse me, mice. Mice will shit and piss on things and you don't even know, and then you're like just eating a sandwich on the table. Or spiders all of your body. Spiders are harmless. No. Yeah. They're actually helpful. No. Why? Like some spiders are can be poisonous.
SPEAKER_02:All spiders are poisonous.
SPEAKER_03:No, I don't think that's true.
SPEAKER_02:Arachnophobia. Do you hear that? Yeah, fear of spiders. No, that's being po uh.
SPEAKER_01:That's an irrational fear. I have the same, dude. I get it. I have the same thing about cows.
SPEAKER_02:We gotta tell that story again, because that was another podcast.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Um Three Dimes reviews, check it out. So when I was a kid, so I was I was about probably 14 years old, 13, 14, and uh I had to be older than that. I had to be about 17. And uh my little brother um bought a radio, like the old school boom box. Was this right? Flip-up handle, two speakers on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He bought one from a kid at school. Took 9D batteries, yeah. Um which we also couldn't afford to get.
SPEAKER_02:So it was really quite more expensive than the radio.
SPEAKER_01:The D batteries actually just housed the cord. Yeah. The the slot plug it in.
SPEAKER_03:Because he couldn't afford the fucking batteries.
SPEAKER_01:But uh I know this. So, you know, my brother and I uh we grew up in in kind of the inner city. So there were there were a lot of like fucking weird sh like everybody at school was always trying to sell something my whole life. Like everybody had something for sale at school. You I mean, what percentage of that sale was drugs? You guys growing up, you know, out in the suburbs, you guys, you know, you just look at your mom and your mom would buy it for you, but we had to like Don't you love how he just like thinks we're born rich? It it was just mainly us buying stolen shit from other kids who stole it. From kids like us in the suburbs. Yeah, exactly. They'd be like, oh, I got this radio fresh from New Berlin, Wisconsin. But uh, so my brother buys this radio and he brings it home and he plugs it in and he's going to show everybody how fucking awesome it is, you know. And uh, you know, the components heat up inside of it a little bit, create a little bit of warmth, you know, this old analog radio. And out of the back, the little air holes in the back of it so so that it doesn't catch fire um outrolled an infestation of roaches.
SPEAKER_03:Right as he's got it like in the living room, got the whole family out to see it.
SPEAKER_01:Was that baby was that baby roaches?
SPEAKER_02:They were fucking full-fledged giants.
SPEAKER_01:There's no way could have all shapes and sizes.
SPEAKER_03:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:Roaches around here, it's a family.
SPEAKER_03:Are some more smaller, look like a cricket than the big roaches you see down south.
SPEAKER_01:They're uh they're actually they're German roaches here, is what they are.
SPEAKER_03:They are, yeah. And they're little tiny fucking things.
SPEAKER_01:So they're there are illegal million roaches. Hundreds of roaches come pouring out of this fucking big boom box.
SPEAKER_03:That is crazy.
SPEAKER_01:And they go everywhere. Gross. I mean, they didn't take one straight line straight to this, like they fucking scattered.
SPEAKER_03:As soon as he plugged it in or something, and it started getting up in there.
SPEAKER_01:And my mom, even though we were poor, my mom was not cool with bugs. So she panicked out. Wait, how does poor and bugs okay?
SPEAKER_03:Because she spent money. She called it.
SPEAKER_01:Because because it's like you should be used to bugs when you're typically houses that get infested with bugs are in low income areas. I don't know. I think that's I think that's actually a fact. I don't know. Maybe that's a fact.
SPEAKER_02:I never what what low income do you uh well what kind of low income are you talking about? Like definitely under your income.
SPEAKER_03:Like when you go to Walgreens, the deorderance locked up, low income.
SPEAKER_01:The deorderance locked up. Yeah, if you can freely grab shit off the shelves at your Walmart, you do not live in a low income area. Okay. If you gotta go get a guy to get a uh Gillette Mach 3 razor cartridge refill out of a case.
SPEAKER_02:It's just getting a guy to get uh the new newest pack of Pokebon food.
SPEAKER_03:If you go to the fast food restaurant and you gotta put your money in the little dish, and then the bulletproof plastic rotates around and they take your money and they rotate it around and you get your food.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, the most irritating thing is when I'm working somewhere where it's low income and then I have to lift up every product I'm trying to buy so you can scan it, because it's there's bars and there's glass that kind of low income you're talking about?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. So like that kind of low income.
SPEAKER_02:I only mean I only seen those at gas stations. I know, you've only seen it in the movies on the news and gas stations. Yeah. Gas stations where I'm working.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. I work in low-income areas. So uh my mom calls an exterminator, and and these guys uh I and I don't know if they're all like this, I just assume they are because this is like one of like three times I've ever had to deal with somebody in the extermination industry. But all three of the people I've dealt with have all been like the same kind of person. Caitlin be that person. He comes over and uh he walks in and my mom explains to him. My son brought home this piece of electronics, the this boombox. Uh we turned it on, and he's like, Oh, the components heated up and the roaches came flowing out of it.
SPEAKER_02:He knew it right away.
SPEAKER_01:And uh my mom was like, Yeah, actually, that's and he's like, Yeah, they're everywhere now. And my mom's panicking. My mom is so deathly afraid of any fucking bug. She's in full-blown panic mode, and she's like, we need to get rid of them right now. And and this guy is like, getting rid of roaches is not not like an overnight thing. This is gonna take lots of additional trips for me to come here.
SPEAKER_02:They can they can survive an atomic bomb. Yeah. Blowing on their faces.
SPEAKER_01:So I just remember this like fucking super schmucky guy walking around my house, like pulling drawers out. And going, you see all these all these drawers, they're all put together with with glue. Roaches love glue. So even if you think they got nothing to eat over here, they'll eat this glue. And he just he kept walking around and making my mom panic. My mom spent all her fucking money on clearing these roaches up, and then we had a strict no buying anything from anybody and bringing it into the house. Makes sense. Um but you know, you fast forward, uh, you know, she got the roaches taken care of. It took fucking weeks and weeks, it might have been months and months, I don't know, but it it took forever to get rid of them. And my mom like literally didn't want to stay in the house at all.
SPEAKER_02:What so how do you know you got rid of them after weeks and weeks? Because roaches they find ways to hide.
SPEAKER_01:I mean, yeah, but they come they come out in low light situations.
SPEAKER_02:So basically, when you're walking around in the middle of the night, there's a roach. Oh my god.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:But when you have this point where there isn't one when you're walking around, that's when you know they're gone.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah. No, eventually when traps end up stop having when when the exterminator realized my mom was out of money, he's like, You're cured. Hallelujah. I did my job, leave a good review.
SPEAKER_02:Um exorcists.
SPEAKER_01:This is this is long, long before reviews. My mom would have just had to write A plus next to his name in the yellow page phone book.
SPEAKER_02:How many times did he come out from this month of it? It was several. Four or five. Well, that's I mean, okay. All right. I got the best exterminator then.
SPEAKER_01:And and it was kind of, you know, at a certain point, I kind of felt like this guy was uh if you remember Rob Schneider's character on Deuce Bigelow. Yes. Or no, maybe it was Shallow Hal. No, Shallow Hal had no exterminator.
SPEAKER_03:If it was Rob Schneider, it doesn't matter which movie, he plays the same character. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:But but there's a scene in the movie where he's plunging a goldfish out of the toilet. That's Deuce Bigelow. That is Deuce Bigelow. Yeah. He's plunging a goldfish out of the toilet, pops in the air, falls into the fishbowl, and he looks at the mom, he hands it to the kid, and he looks at the mom and says, you know, every child needs a father.
SPEAKER_02:That's kind of how this guy reminded me of like At what point in that movie did he plunge it and then a piece of shit flew out and he caught it into the gold. You know what I'm talking about?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway. I don't remember. But uh, you know, I I didn't know if this guy was coming around for the roaches or if he was just, you know, trying to get a little piece of this single mom over here who's fucking panicked, and this guy's the hero, you know what I'm saying? And I, you know Was he dad material? Like, did you just feel like he wasn't my kind of dad material, but because he came back, but well, this is this is what I'm saying, and you know, um no disrespect to my mother, but I'm like four times in one month. I don't know what kind of deep discounts he was given. You know what I'm saying? Like, I don't I have no idea. Chris, don't feel sorry. Tony doesn't care. I know. Still, but uh look at his shirt. Fast forward. Fast forward now. I'm an adult and I'm in my own house, and now my house gets infested with uh you may want to call them uh suburban bugs.
SPEAKER_03:So you're you're suburban bugs.
SPEAKER_01:Uh box elder bugs. Oh, the stink bugs? And the stink bugs.
SPEAKER_03:Are they the same? What's a box elder? It's a stink bug, right?
SPEAKER_01:So your son bought very different.
SPEAKER_03:It's a box elder.
SPEAKER_01:Box elder's the black one with the little red stripe.
SPEAKER_03:Okay, so you've had those.
SPEAKER_02:You got your son bought an old school iPod and they came out of that when he plugged it in.
SPEAKER_01:Dad, listen to my favorite song. Nope, nope, never got the roaches. But uh now in my neighborhood. Well, things don't do anything, though. No, they don't. They don't annoying. Now in my neighborhood, the exterminators walk door to door and they try to get you to sign up for pre-treatment. Prepare. Like your neighbor Joe got some. That's how they start every conversation.
SPEAKER_03:They go, You know, Steve up the road, Mr.
SPEAKER_01:Jacobson. You know, the burgs two doors down, they just signed up with me. They don't want to deal with the box elders and the stink bugs. They don't want the ants getting into their house. They don't want this. You got a pre preemptive strike. So they come around and spray the outside. Why not out? Spray the outside, but then they also spray the inside. Why why wouldn't you do that though if you put more? And I feel like I feel like these people are literally casing our neighborhoods.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, for robberies, like a big thing.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, and they're they're like, they're like, hey, I remember that kid.
SPEAKER_02:Has he got a gold tooth? Yeah. Usually that kid looked at me so strange. I remembered him.
SPEAKER_01:But uh they're like, you know, we come in, we spray all the baseboards in your house. Keeps the ants out. Okay. We put granulated crystals around the whole perimeter of your house. We can do all this service for you. How much? If that's the real one hundred dollars a year. That's it? For five treatments. That's it? And that's why I think that they're all gonna eventually run. Oh, got you. Casing the house for so you think that's too cheap. Yeah. I mean, granted, they're there ten minutes. All right. Okay, think about this. And if they're doing if they're doing six houses in my subdivision, it's probably worth it. If it's too cheap.
SPEAKER_02:But Tony, 15 minutes to do it, you have 50 houses times uh whatever. I mean, you're making a shit ton of money. Yeah, and then what does it cost for the chemicals?
SPEAKER_01:All they're doing is walking around your house with a little hand cranker, putting some gypsy chemicals around it, and they come in and they spray the inside of your house with fucking vinegar and mint.
SPEAKER_02:And to be honest, what does it I mean, if it doesn't stop every single bug, I mean, they have that in their their their calls.
SPEAKER_01:You see a spider in your house, you give us a call, we'll be out here within 24 hours.
SPEAKER_02:Our spray didn't work, so we'll come to you.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, they're casing the block. I don't I'm not casing shit. I've hired them twice in seven years, and I don't let them into the house.
SPEAKER_02:So you do the outside spray, you do the outside spray. Do they give you a pop-off discount at$50?
SPEAKER_03:You're not protecting yourself by not letting them in the house. You might as well. I just don't want, I just don't want them looking in the fucking closets.
SPEAKER_02:Tony has no cameras anywhere.
SPEAKER_03:So it doesn't they can do whatever they want, they can sit in the air when they're there for the eight and a half minutes.
SPEAKER_02:He works 16 hours a day.
SPEAKER_03:You don't let them in the house when you're not there.
SPEAKER_01:He does. Yeah, they're like, let me get your garage called real quick. Yeah, right? No. But uh have you guys had any any exterminator things like this?
SPEAKER_03:Like I said, for work, I resisted for a while. I'm like, dude, there's like three mice in this fucking warehouse. Like, it's not a big deal. But then guys are fucking one particular guy who you all know. Oh, there's a turd on my desk again today. Okay, okay, good. Oh, there's three poops inside of my it's like, okay, fine. So I got this exterminator, right? And I I call him up. And I called him up because he's the closest guy. That's how I do business. Call the guy's closest to you geographically. It's a first start. So turns out he was in there already years ago. He's like, oh, I know this place. Oh, I know this place. Yeah, you guys, oh yeah, I used to do this place here.
SPEAKER_01:I put out a bunch of K22. You got the mice again?
SPEAKER_03:I'm like, yeah, we got the mice again. He's like, all right, well, I'll tell you what, here's the plan. And he gave me the plan, and he goes, There's two options. I can come here once a month, or I can come like quarterly. I'm like, I don't know, I want him gone. Come monthly. He's like, honestly, you don't need me to come here monthly. You don't have a problem, really. Like, why are you even here? I'm like, I got mice. He's like, Yeah, but you don't got shit. Like, really? I'll just come monthly. I'll come quarterly. So he talked me down. It was like, what, you know, obviously a quarter of the price or less to have them come once a quarter and once a month. They're not all scumbags. So but oh, they're I have never had bugs. I've had some ants. Those normally get treated with a little drop and a little piece of cardboard.
SPEAKER_02:I live feed them out in uh so I I'm I'm not as rich and in in I don't have money like you guys do.
SPEAKER_01:You live in an 82,000 square foot building.
SPEAKER_02:So I don't have money like you guys do. I have an apartment building where I have to go up an elevator that doesn't work always, and I get stuck in it. Maybe. But yeah, you know, I'm paying for nothing. Okay. So that's terrible. It sucks.
SPEAKER_03:So I I had to pay$600 to fix my furnace a couple weeks ago.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I mean, fine. A couple I mean, one time a decade.
SPEAKER_03:You think we're rich? Go on.
SPEAKER_02:You are rich. I am not. I live in the lower spectrum of life, and I deal with it. I'm fine with it. I I have bugs in my life, and you know what? I have a situation with my wife dealt out. She kills every bug, or excuse me, I kill every bug, and she kills every spider. Spiders kill the bugs, man. I know, and that's that's why everything is fucked fucked up with our life right now. I live in an apartment building, so I it any problems I have, I call maintenance. Yeah, but the thing is, maintenance is fucking terrible. They don't do shit, they don't care, they don't give, and they have they if they finally come to what your problem is, it's months later, and the situation has already escalated to fucking so I have ants in every window, always in the summer, always in the summer. I put I basically okay, so this is stupid, but I take duct tape and I take tape the seams to our patios. So every patio, and I even tape the fucking carpet covering.
SPEAKER_03:So you're telling me you have multiple patios and I'm poor? Okay, go on.
SPEAKER_02:Well, yeah, I have two patios. I don't I don't go on either one, so basically they aren't even a patio. Because they have fucking carpenter bees when you go out there, they buzz they fucking fly in your face. So you can't even do anything when you're out there on the patio. So I can't even use them. And they don't do anything when I tell them that there's ants, there's carpenter bees, there's fucking so there's I don't know what a carpenter bee is, dude. It's a giant carpenter ant, but only bigger. Oh, it's fucking way bigger. Are you kidding me? It's like a giant bumblebee on steroids. The black colored ones? You never seen a carpenter bee? I don't know. Never heard of it. Never heard of it. Okay, look it up. Okay, sounds like it's a thing. I think you're talking about a ground bee. No. Do you know what a bumblebee is? Yes, you do. So take that, give it a fucking steroid shot. And then you got a carpenter bee. A carpenter bee. They fucking dig and love wood. My dad kills these fuckers all the time. He's got these little weird traps and his back.
SPEAKER_03:Shiny hairless bodies. A bumblebee with the shineless, shiny, hairless body. Exactly. A bumblebee. It looks like a fucking bumblebee. And they want wood, huh?
SPEAKER_02:They want wood. They eat the fucking wood. Carpenter bees. And they fuck with you. They fly in your face. They like they don't have stingers, but they fuck with you. They just fly in your face and they stab you in the head and they run into you. So it's annoying. So you can't go on the fucking pad.
SPEAKER_03:So just spray a residual insecticide to the wood service in the late winter, early spring to create a barrier. Exactly.
SPEAKER_02:That would be the smart thing to do, but I'm not the owner of this apart. I'm not going to spend money to get rid of their carpenter bees.
SPEAKER_03:Leave them alone. They're beneficial pollinators. Provide an alternate net nesting site to bee house.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, fine. Yeah, and they take away the hornets, but still, they've they really fuck with you. They're not something to fuck with, but they fuck with you. And I have ants and all this shit. So I tell them all the time, we have all these we have this infestation of carpenter bees, ants, and all this crap. They don't do anything, they never do. So what I do is I take in my own fucking heelbilly concept, uh, duct tape. You take matters into your own hands. Duct tape cures everything. So I duct tape the seams to come in in the house for the ants, and it usually stops them. And then I took the uh this year, I actually took fucking this um sealant slash silicone. Oh my god. I'm gonna tell you, I sealed up every fucking corner and nook you can think about, but the problem with this is I didn't read it. You gotta cut the door open now. No, I no, I didn't read it, and it said this is supposed to be outside sealant, so the entire it was this most the fucking most smelliest pungent smell you could ever think of, and it lasted for about a week. I couldn't get it out of the the apartment without opening the windows, and it was it was the it was like a crazy sealant for uh eradication of whatever but it was terrible. Human race so bad.
SPEAKER_01:So what you're telling me is you're basically an exterminator, you're an exterminator, exactly because they don't care, they don't do anything, dude.
SPEAKER_02:You say something, they they don't come, they don't they don't give a shit.
SPEAKER_03:You ever watch that Billy the Exterminator television show? The guy with the guy with the mullet? He was like the nicest, most educated exterminator ever, and he had a TV show that was really kind of just like storage war style filming on that show. His mullet, right? Click, click, click, go through and he goes and exterminates. Like, this son is a he's getting a wombat out of a garage, and he goes out there and does it, and he's like crazy wild. But he he knows how to take care of everything, and most of it's pyrithone zinc. Pyrititho and zinc.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, we got you.
SPEAKER_01:See, this is why the guy got his own show.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, he could say that. No, so you should just call an exterminator, have them come, and then send the landlord the bill.
SPEAKER_02:But that's the problem. I do that, I pay for it, I'm never getting reimbursed.
SPEAKER_03:Don't pay the rent, send the bill. Here's your three. The rent's$1,200. Here's the$500 bill for the exterminator and$700.
SPEAKER_02:$1,200. I don't know how much your rent is.
SPEAKER_03:Okay. All right. I was just using a number.
SPEAKER_02:I was gonna say that. That's uh give me$1,200 rent. I would fucking kiss you.
SPEAKER_03:So you're stuck pre exterminating. Yeah. But you have you had infestation?
SPEAKER_01:No, not at not at I mean, these box elder bugs are fucking everywhere. They are everywhere. They show up all the time.
SPEAKER_03:And the little ladybugs.
SPEAKER_02:And what do they look like again?
SPEAKER_03:I don't know. Everyone calls them stink bugs, right? But they're not a stink bug. Those are fucking bugs. Stink bugs are different. But they look like that.
SPEAKER_01:No, stink bugs look like some fucking prehistoric weird shovel-shaped rock.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, that's it. The box elder.
SPEAKER_02:So what is the box elder bug?
SPEAKER_01:It's uh it's a little black bug that has a red stripe down its back.
SPEAKER_02:What's the difference between the one he explained and the one what's the what's the more harm that the one used to be? Neither one of them do shit. I don't know what they do either. So why would why what what's wrong with it then? What's the other bugs you said? Box elder. Box elder, stink bug, and it's something smaller. You said, right? No. That's it. And those dude, those bugs are everywhere. Everywhere.
SPEAKER_01:When the temperature goes down, yeah, dude, they'll they'll cover they'll cover like the whole corner of my house, and you gotta hit them with uh a spray bottle with some dish soap in it. Well turn the fill.
SPEAKER_02:Turn the fucking vacuum on and suck them up.
SPEAKER_01:You're done. Yeah, I did that at my old house. They infested uh your vacuum and they turned it on when you weren't awake and they vacuumed your house for you. Uh we had a we had a hanging furnace in the garage. Yep. And uh they filled up the whole vent tube that went out of my roof. Fucking millions of them.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, well, but what does that have to do with you vacuuming them?
SPEAKER_01:Well, to get rid of them, I had to vacuum them all because you know, like you can't I can't spray dis soap inside of a furnace.
SPEAKER_02:I get you. Exterminating them.
SPEAKER_01:I had to vacuum them all up and uh the way you're supposed to vacuum them, because you vacuum them into the vacuum and then they crawl right back out. Um, you gotta put you gotta put uh pantyhose in the tube. What kind of fucking vacuum? Yeah, it catches them all. It fills them up by the fucking sack. What kind of vacuum? What did you do with them? Do you tie the sack up and you fucking throw them in your neighbor's bushes?
SPEAKER_02:Do you ever say he walks outside and he slams it on the ground? Die, bitches!
SPEAKER_03:Whatever happened, okay. Speaking exterminating, whatever happened with all the flies. I don't notice a single fly in the whole state anymore. Did you get rid of all them flies? Yeah, dude. Flies are gone. Got them all. Because we were up there. I didn't have any flies. I got sap on my car from the tree. I didn't get no flies.
SPEAKER_01:No flies. They all went to my lot and died.
SPEAKER_02:But if you had one bug, okay, say you had uh every bug in your house. What would be the least uh what would be the the one you hated the most that would infest your house? The cockroach. Would it be?
SPEAKER_03:No, dude. They carry diseases, they are everywhere, they hide like a son of a bitch, and they're impossible to get rid of.
SPEAKER_01:Okay. Bro, I'm gonna tell you the worst experience of my life.
SPEAKER_03:I'm gonna know what it is. Go ahead. This is gonna take 10 minutes, I bet. I don't even want to talk about them.
SPEAKER_01:It was it was 2019. Boys weekend. Jay knows what the fuck I'm talking about.
SPEAKER_02:Well, it wasn't our house, so it was fine.
SPEAKER_01:Uh so this fucking douchebag rents an Airbnb, and there's a big sign on the inside of the patio door and the outside of the patio door, which led you into so so the house we rented was actually an addition put on to a rather large boat house. Okay. This boat house had lights that stayed on all the time in it, and it drew you know, it was on a channel. It was on a channel of a of a big lake, so you know, there's water everywhere, so nothing nothing breeds mosquitoes like stagnant boathouse water. Yeah. So they put big signs all over this fucking patio door, like close this patio door immediately. Do not fucking leave this patio door open. So this fucking dude we're up there with gets all hammered drunk and leaves the patio door open for probably 15 minutes. Yeah. And it's not me, Chris. No, I it was him. But he left the door open for like 10-15 minutes, and when we went to sleep, uh there's pictures on my phone of literally millions of mosquitoes. So basically, like I sprayed myself with off before I went to sleep.
SPEAKER_03:You were sleeping in the house connecting this thing?
SPEAKER_02:Yes. So basically, when you say uh uh wallpaper, you couldn't see wall the wallpaper was the mosquitoes.
SPEAKER_01:Chris, there were millions of them.
SPEAKER_03:So we did that on accident, left the fucking screen door open, a fucking smidgen with the light on. And we were on a staying in a boathouse that had it was converted into a one-bedroom little rental. And yeah, dude, the whole place was fucking covered. I could only imagine minutes.
SPEAKER_02:Uh, and uh he exaggerates with his entire life about any everything and anything. It was not fi it was not first off, it wasn't me. Secondly, it wasn't 15 minutes, it was probably like a minute walking to get something out of the cooler outside and then walking back. So 60 seconds at the most.
SPEAKER_01:But yes, this fucking place shook up like a mother, like a s we were in a fucking salt or a pepper shaker, and we were inside that as a don't it it literally it was so bad that the the person from VRBO kept the security deposit because of the fucking that was the only reason why. Well, yeah, there was the lawn furniture, there was no no there was all kinds of shit.
SPEAKER_02:No, the biggest reason why broke the patio door, ripped someone ripped the patio door off the handle, and it wasn't me, and no one wants to confess who it was. And again, I pay for it and I pay for the the security deposit, and no one wants to confess who it was.
SPEAKER_03:I'm glad I didn't ever get invited to these things. These sound like terrible, terrible.
SPEAKER_02:And Tody blames uh my brother-in-law. My brother-in-law says I didn't do it, so who do I who do I believe? It wasn't me. Not Ben.
SPEAKER_01:It wasn't you.
SPEAKER_02:It wasn't. I'm not that strong. Both of you assholes are like six foot something. And you have fucking more strength in your arm than I have in my fucking entire body.
SPEAKER_01:It was either you or your gay uncle-in-law. Oh my god. I'm glad it wasn't this. The one who spent the whole weekend like, show me your dick. He's not allowed to listen.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, I hope he listens. This will be yeah, he doesn't listen. There's no way he did, and he wanted to sleep with all of us. Mostly, mostly uh Tony. No, Tony. He likes Jiggly. And Tony's got little sexual innuendos in his his life.
SPEAKER_01:But anyway, I've been infested with many bugs in many places I've lived in my life. Roaches were by far the fucking grossest.
SPEAKER_02:All right. I'm gonna say this last thing though. Uh, you guys, uh everyone right here has had lice before in their life, right? Lice. Yeah. And I don't know. Does that bother you? Exactly. I mean, like, okay. Lice creeps me the fuck out. It's gross and disgusting, but like, does it would it control your life to get rid of it? Like, would you be like, oh my god, I have to stop everything into hair off my body. Okay, so you, Chris, would that bother you that much?
SPEAKER_03:My kid has contracted it a few times through school or whatever else. And it's a normal thing.
SPEAKER_02:I know, but would you would you change your life's core?
SPEAKER_03:Take a day off of work and go off and then break your hair for the city.
SPEAKER_02:Everyone would take to life's core. It doesn't do anything to you.
SPEAKER_03:No, it doesn't hurt you.
SPEAKER_02:They bite, get scratchy, but it doesn't fucking you can't get a disease. Correct. You can't get sick. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:And it doesn't I don't understand why lice exist either.
SPEAKER_02:Exactly. So I understand that it's fucking fundamentally terrible to be to have it, but really, what does it do? You don't want little bugs. You don't want bugs in your life, but seriously. But we have little bugs crawling on us. Bed bugs.
SPEAKER_03:Bed bugs are the worst.
SPEAKER_02:They bite the shit out of you the entire night. You're itching. It it creates rashes.
SPEAKER_03:It's difficult to get rid of, too.
SPEAKER_02:It cre it creates rashes, uh, scabies, fucking just actually I had that before. Oh my god, it's death because you itch everywhere. Yeah, no, a guy who got AIDS from bed bugs. Get the fuck out of here. You're lying. But lice, I it's it's terrible, but it's not like the end of the world. It's very easy to get rid of.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, it's not the end of the world, it's so fucking disgusting.
SPEAKER_02:It is, but I'm just thinking, like, why do people treat it like it's the death? This is gross. Okay, well. All right, Tony.
SPEAKER_01:All right, find us on the internet.
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