Top Shelf Stories
In a world that often shuns the uncomfortable, we embrace it with open arms—and open laughs. Our candid narratives around our stories assure you that awkwardness is a shared human experience. Tune in, enjoy the ride, and maybe learn a thing or two.
Top Shelf Stories
From Flight Paths To Flooded Pipes: A First-Time Homeowner’s Hard Truths
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
We trade a wild first-home renovation story for hard lessons on shutoff valves, galvanized pipe failures, and when to swallow pride and call a pro. A fresh family drain leak pulls us back under the sink and cements a lifelong rule about DIY limits.
• buying a small 2001 starter home under an airport flight path
• breaking a corroded shutoff minutes after closing and flooding the kitchen
• tracing the main, learning the anatomy of old galvanized systems
• calling a plumber for a full repipe and recalibrating DIY pride
• gas safety, odorant basics, and when to exit and call the utility
• returning years later to fix a rotted drain and convert to PVC
• chemical drain cleaners versus snakes and enzymes
• parts runs, fittings, gaskets, and getting slope and pitch right
• how to decide when to hire a professional and why it pays
Tune in next week for another riveting episode. Top shelf stories.
Meet The Hosts And Setup
SPEAKER_00Top Shelf Stories with Jay, Chris, and Tony.
SPEAKER_01Don't you like our voice? I love it. I really do. I actually commissioned her for this actually audio video. And it was the video is better than the audio.
Buying A First House At 20
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah. No, I got I got to see a little bit of it. It's pretty good. If you get to our Patreon, you'll see the video. So anyway, what's up, everybody? What's up? What's going on? Nothing much. My name's Tony. I'm Chris. I'm the soothing voice in your ear. I'm here with my main man Chris and Jay on tech.
SPEAKER_01I'm here to interrupt. I just love how I'm just like always the asshole.
SPEAKER_02And today, I would like to relive the story of the first house I bought. Okay. So I was I was just 20 years old.
SPEAKER_00Man, when I was 20, I didn't have two nickels to rub together, man. Neither did I. So I bought a house that cost What is that saying? Hold on. Two nickels to rub together. What the fuck does that even mean? Like that's how you heat yourself is just rubbing nickels.
SPEAKER_01I think you said like show that you have money to like jangle.
SPEAKER_00I only had one nickel in my pocket to play with, not two.
SPEAKER_01Like flapping your money around, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Okay, okay. I mean, that's what I got.
SPEAKER_01Maybe that's not right.
SPEAKER_00Maybe it's really old when nickels were worth something.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Okay. Sorry, go on.
Life Under The Airport Flight Path
SPEAKER_02But so I was 20 years old, and I bought this this little house that was exactly$4,000 less than the truck that I bought earlier this year. I thought you guys say$4,000 less. It's pretty wild. Um so I bought this house. It was a two-bedroom ranch on the south side of Milwaukee, directly under General Mitchell's flight path. And I can tell you, I don't know that I've ever been this excited about something.
SPEAKER_01Did you know you have your own piece of pie? Did you know that the airplanes were that loud when you bought it? Or do you care?
SPEAKER_02You know, after after about six weeks, I couldn't even hear them anymore. All right. People would come over and then I would notice they would be screaming at me, and I'm like, what the fuck are you yelling at? And they're like, the airplane's over us, I can't fucking.
SPEAKER_01Second question. What was the price of the house? Or do you know what to say?$62,000. Okay.
Price, Size, And 2001 Context
SPEAKER_02If we want to be exact, it was sixty-two thousand seven hundred dollars. So this is two thousand and one.$2,000. Okay. Yeah. Two thousand yeah, two thousand and one. It was two thousand one. Definitely two thousand one. Uh you're welcome for that. So this house is about six hundred and fifty-ish square feet. How many? Six hundred and fifty-ish.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_02So about the size of Jay's master bedroom's loft area.
SPEAKER_01No, no. My closet that I sleep in.
Closing Day And First Reno Plan
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Yeah. So this house is very tiny. And everything in this house had to be very particular for it to fit. So we had like a queen size bed in the master bedroom. And we could only have a nightstand on one side of it. It's a one bedroom. Yeah. Well, it was a two-bedroom. What the hell did you put the second bedroom? And then it had a semi-finished basement. And by finished basement I mean the typical south side Milwaukee uh little bar on one side, some orange shag carpet around it. That carpet is fast. And and she bought with a bar. And some dark wood paneling around it. So it was closing day. You know, I'm 20 years old. And it was uh it was a morning closing. It was about 10 a.m. And I remember getting done at around eleven o'clock, and the first thing I did, because I was moving into this thing, you know, in in just weeks from the purchase of it. And I had to get the guy who died stank off of the place, you know. I had to get the carpet, I had to rip the carpet all out, I had to fucking, you know, upgrade some of the plumbing stuff. It was uh avocado green plastic backsplash tile. Sweet. And gold painted cabinets.
The Shutoff Valve Disaster
SPEAKER_01Can I hear quick foresee the future? How many houses before the one you're in now? Is this is this one? Um that I've owned. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02This is my third house I've owned. Oh, really? That's not very many. Nope. So I moved out of that house to uh to move into a house that I built in 2005. You built a house right now. That was a come up.
SPEAKER_01You built a house right after this one?
SPEAKER_02Yeah. So I built it. Where'd you build this house? Uh in Burlington. Oh. You were at that house, I think.
SPEAKER_01No, I don't know. I don't I don't know people from Burlington.
SPEAKER_02I moved out of Burlington seven years ago to move into the house that I live in now. Uh for the sake of um my kids starting school and my neighbor. I'm missing two houses here. No. I had the house at the airport, I had a house in the town of Burlington, and then the house I live in now. Three. Three in total. I thought I hair five three. Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_01I'm sorry. Sorry.
Chasing The Main And Galvanized Failures
SPEAKER_02I felt yeah, like I'm not really interested in like moving around and stuff like that. And gotcha. Like I just want to be in one place. I would still be in Burlington if if we weren't concerned about the school system there and our kid. So uh while I was building my house, I sold my little house, my first house, too quickly. So we did live in an apartment for about a year while m while the other house was being built. But uh yeah. Uh I remember closing on a place, getting the keys, and of course, you know, a 20-year-old who's ridiculously excited thinks he knows how to do everything. The first thing I do is I go there and I'm I'm gonna fucking gut the kitchen. Kitchen's gonna be gutted by the time it gets dark the first day I own it. So I go in, I take out the upper cabinets, and I go to take off the sink, and like everybody knows, uh, you gotta turn the shutoff valve for the water off when you pull the sink, right? Sure. So I go to shut the shutoff valve off. And uh uh the way you twist it, the the knob on it, the way you twist it, it wouldn't twist. And I twist it a little bit harder. Snap and the pipe that it was attached to actually twisted as if you had a wet rag and you went to wring it out. So this pipe twisted and snapped off. So now I'm being sprayed directly in the face with all the water, city pressure water. Yeah. It was like a fucking fire hydrant in the water.
SPEAKER_00No idea.
SPEAKER_02And the whole basement is wrapped in this fucking mid-century modern uh dark wood paneling. So I'm opening little doors, I'm finding fucking cubbies, I'm like looking in here, and it's in like a little hidden panel.
SPEAKER_01Is that because it hasn't been shut off for years? And they'll sure yeah.
SPEAKER_00The water pipe was probably galvanized and all rusted to pick up.
SPEAKER_02It was it was galvanized. So the rust pipe and and it was so rusted on the inside that it was basically an MM shell of a pipe. Jesus Christ.
SPEAKER_00And uh undisturbed probably would have lasted another 30, 40 years, but you needed to put that new sink in.
SPEAKER_02So I uh shut the water off to the house, and uh that's that shut off just as it was supposed to.
Whole-House Repipe And Lessons
SPEAKER_01How long did it take you to find that and shut it off before you got water everywhere?
SPEAKER_02It's a blur, and it was 25 years ago. It could have been it could have been two minutes, it could have been 20 minutes, but it happened.
SPEAKER_01So in hindsight, uh on new home owners, find that shut off valve for the water first.
SPEAKER_00Before you start tearing things out, you should find out the gas shutoff valve and the water shutoff valve, so what and where the power comes in.
SPEAKER_01Let me ask you this. Okay, so when you when you speak of gas, seeing you're trying to the same thing with water. You've shut no one's touched the gas valve in somewhere for for years. You you try to shut it off and it keeps leaking. Like, what do you do in that situation where you can't even go outside to the meter and shut it off?
SPEAKER_00If you can't do that, then you call it, you get the fuck out and call the energies and they'll shut it off at the road.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, or you just put a rag over it, it's gas, it'll hold it in.
SPEAKER_01So, and then like for anyone who doesn't know, uh, gas has no smell, right? So they add the smell to gas. So, how do they add that smell? Well, and what is that smell? Sulfur, sulfur. So, how do they do that? How how do they add sulfur to the smell of gas?
SPEAKER_00Same way you add the water, yeah. It's right at the source, dog.
SPEAKER_01I know, but like, how does it equalize? Like, how does it always the same amount of smell for how much gas?
SPEAKER_02I'm sure by now they've come up with a pretty solid formula of that. All right, well, you know what? I'm just remained on change for the last 80 years.
SPEAKER_01I'm trying to smart myself here, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02But uh, so I got water spraying everywhere, I get the water off, I go upstairs. You know, I closed on this house 40 minutes earlier. So it's not like I got a mop or anything there to take care of this water.
SPEAKER_0140 minutes after you close. Yes.
SPEAKER_02So at this point, I'm like, well, I guess you're just drip drying.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
Gas Safety, Odorant, And Emergencies
SPEAKER_02And uh, so I just I let it dry. I I kept removing everything, got all the cabinets out, and I'm like, once the cabinets are out, I'll take care of this fucking valve issue, you know? Yeah. And I uh go to turn, and I don't even know why, I go to turn the other shutoff valve off, and that pipe crinkles to nothing also. Jesus Christ. So I'm like, son of a bitch. So if you know anything about plumbing, you know you got you got a short pipe that goes from your shutoff valve to your wall, and then when it gets to your wall, you got an elbow, and then after the elbow, it goes down or up, depending, you know, where it is. But you got an elbow that takes the water down, and you know it the water goes to basically where your water heater is, is where all your pipes like kind of end up, and then and then from your water heater kind of goes to the meter. So I'm like, okay, well I gotta obviously that little short lead pipe was a fucking issue, so all I gotta do is change that out. So I go to put a wrench on it, and uh the uh elbow then twists. So now the wall, the the pipe that's in the actual wall is now twisted and broke on both of these. Yep. So I go down into the basement, thank God it was on the unfinished side. Because I would have hated to have to rip down some of this paneling that was stapled to the ceiling.
SPEAKER_01Beautiful paneling.
Forty Minutes After Closing: Chaos
SPEAKER_02But uh I go downstairs and uh I'm like, oh okay, so now this pipe's I still gotta get this pipe out because now it goes into another elbow that now runs parallel with the floor joists. So I still gotta get this elbow off so I can turn that pipe. So I go to take that elbow off, and then the the one of the major pipes in the basement then twists. And I realize that this old man who lived in this house had all these really old, shitty, rusty, holy, cracked, galvanized pipes that he went through and meticulously painted silver again. I realized that all this brand new looking pipe that I had was all just painted and it was all bad. So I had to I had to call a plumber and I had to have him change out all the water lines in the whole house. Thank God it was a tiny house and he could get to everything real easy. I found a guy he did on the side, it was just like a couple hundred bucks, but a couple hundred for all of that? Well, twenty thousand twenty-five years ago. It was all stolen pipe from his daytime plumbing job. Yeah, I think he charged me like two hundred bucks and he was out of the house in like three hours.
SPEAKER_01Let's just be honest. What did you suck? His toes, his finger, or his dick.
SPEAKER_02This was the early 2000s. Anything it took, anything to get that price down.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, yeah. They asked if it was 100% down, would you suck his dick?
More Breaks And Elbows In The Wall
SPEAKER_02No. But anyway, so I had to have all these pipes replaced, and at that time, at 20 years old, I vowed to myself that I would never do any plumbing in any house other than taking off and putting back on a toilet because I gotta do that for work constantly. And I've held true for 25 years on on this. Like anytime you're gonna be able to do it. You're always hiring a plumber? I have a plumber come over.
SPEAKER_00So water's easy, electricity's the hard one.
SPEAKER_01I don't do that either. So but if he needs a situation in plumbing, he can call you? Sure. We'll Google that. There you go. We'll YouTube that.
SPEAKER_02Well, it's one of the one of the like three people I talked to from high school ended up, he's a plumber. And uh we have this kind of kind of like me and you with dinner, this never-ending revolving. He needs a floor. I come over, I spend three days doing his floor. I need a shutoff valve change in my house. He runs out, does that quick. You know, he did all the work in my kitchen when I remodeled that. He put a sink in my base. Like, you know, we just kind of have this never-ending revolving. I don't pay him, he doesn't pay me. What about what about what about wives? What about wives? You guys switch off wives and stuff not yet. Not yet. But Tim, if you're listening.
SPEAKER_00I need a big plumbing job coming up.
SPEAKER_02If you're listening, if you're listening to the cabin and you need you need a run at my old lady, you fucking go for it. Well, but you you get a shot at his lady if you get a shot at yours. No, dude. I'm not like that.
SPEAKER_01Well, wait, yeah, no, you You're gonna have to give you money then.
Painted Pipes And Calling A Plumber
SPEAKER_02Yeah, something. All right, Tim, if you take a run at my lady, apparently I'm gonna have to fuck yours. I don't I don't know. I don't make these rules. This is Jay's rule. I believe yes, I think that's equal. So, you know, I just I fucking swore to myself I was never gonna do this shit again, and I've held true on it, man. I I call Plumber for fucking everything. And uh it always gets done right. I don't have to worry about it, I don't ever have to think about it again. Well, Tony, you have money now. So you didn't have money back then.
SPEAKER_01When I was 20, I didn't have money. You just okay, then what am I hearing then? You just said Apparently, whatever the fuck you want. You just said that you call plumber for everything now.
Vowing Off Plumbing For Life
SPEAKER_02Since I was twenty. Since I was twenty. I figure they're a professional plumber for a reason, and I am not. I rather go do my job, my specialty trade for an hour to get an hour's worth of plumbing work done. I I just it just makes sense to me. I'd rather do the thing I'm good at instead of the thing I'm gonna struggle at and never know if I did it exactly right or whatever. So I I just I swore off plumbing. Well, this week I I get a call um from my wife's dad. He's he's not doing too good, he's got some serious health issues. I'm sorry to hear that, man. His his wife is you know incapable of doing stuff like this. She doesn't know what tools are, you know. Yeah, it's not like anything. And sh they're having a plumbing issue. Their fucking pipe, their drain pipe from their sink is pissing water every time.
SPEAKER_01So obviously they ask you for help.
SPEAKER_02So they ask me for help, and I decide uh I was gonna send a plumber over there and they asked me not to. Why? They're like, can you just come take a look at it? Why though? Why why?
SPEAKER_00Because they don't want to spend money on something that you could buy a J trap for two dollars and nineteen cents at Menards and do yourself.
SPEAKER_02No, I I was gonna pay for it.
SPEAKER_01Well they weren't they they were gonna have no financial obligation, but well, you know what's fucked up though, though, is the plumbers they they charge you just a look at what the but you can actually what the you're gonna do is pay for the the look of the plumber, right?
Trade-For-Trade With A Plumber Friend
The New Family Drain Leak
SPEAKER_02I'm just gonna pay a plumber to do it, but because of the because of the physical shape he's in right now, he doesn't want anybody in the house, and it it's like a fucking ordeal. So I'm like, you know what? Like, I'm just gonna go do this. Uh you know, it can't be that bad. It's a fucking drain pipe, it's not a water line, it's gonna be no big deal. And I told myself that the whole ride there, and I get there and I immediately have flashbacks at 20 years ago. I go to put my hand on the drain that comes off. They got a double bowl sink, so they got two pipes leading down in the one T pipe that goes down into the trap that goes back to the Wall and first. Nope. It's so easy. First thing I do is uh I just go down and I just grab onto the one pipe under the sink. It's it's uh it's a metal pipe. Uh finger goes right through it. I'm like, okay, this is gonna be an issue. Uh I get over to the wall, that pipe's fucking trash. I I put I put my pipe wrench that I've had on used for over 25 years, put my pipe wrench on it. I'm like, oh, it's actually coming apart pretty easy, and that's because all the threads stayed in uh in the uh elbow because they were so rotted out. Yeah. Uh took the elbow off, and then I had a two-foot pipe that I had to on-twist that ran inside the wall cavity. So you'd think this would be no big deal, but those threads also broke off, and now we're to the T where it goes down to the drain and up from up from the vent. So once uh once any of those pipes gets disrupted, you're in the wall. Now now it's cutting fucking walls out. So this pipe broke off, all the fucking threads stayed in this T and everything was fucking rotten, but once it got to the T, everything was solid because now there's no water sitting in there, it just run stuff.
SPEAKER_00Well, it was also the water, the pipe in the wall was either galvanized. It was galvanized or uh copper, but and what was underneath was uh metal-coated plastic. It's a met it's a it's a light gauge metal over plastic. And yeah, if the plastic breaks down, then that light gauge metal is just like a film, like a tin can.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Not even a tin can.
Flashbacks And Rotten Drain Lines
SPEAKER_02So, you know, I fucking spent hours of my life last night chiseling this old pipe out of these threads so I can convert everything over to PVC for the drain. And it took hours, and just based on smell alone, I think this is truly the last time I will ever do plumbing. I will never do plumbing.
SPEAKER_00Corroded food and shit in those pipes is pretty nasty.
SPEAKER_02I got out that two-foot section and and it was it was fucking solid on the inside. I couldn't have got a big pen through that thing. Jesus Christ. Through that pipe. Stop.
SPEAKER_01And uh I don't need I don't need no more description.
SPEAKER_02It's so fucking it's the darkest black you've ever seen. Oh. And it just bloops out of it. Oh I don't even know how I'll sticks to it.
SPEAKER_00It's gross, right?
SPEAKER_02It's just gelatinous.
SPEAKER_00It's it's like I have done my own plumbing for 20 years. I know it's all fucking disgusting. The girls with their makeup in the bathroom sinks, the hair, the no no uh no disposal, but you put food down it anyways, and just like run the sprayer and hot water, hoping it goes through. It's bad.
SPEAKER_02Dude, I I I thought for sure when I was leaving there I had pink eye. Like I I was pretty.
Converting To PVC And The Gross Factor
SPEAKER_00Well, see, once you get past the P portion of the P trap, the little loop, yeah. That little loop there is meant to hold water so that the stink can't get up. And when you're filling, it empties out because it gets full, but then it it settles. That straight drain is fucked. So when you got to that tea, that straight water, the smells are coming purely from the sewer.
SPEAKER_01Yep. Yeah, but still, you have all that disgusting backup on that straight before it hits that fucking loop.
SPEAKER_00I put some shit down my drain like a regular once a month. It's this fizzy stuff, it kills, it eats it all up. Like some acid shit. Oh, sorry, crystals.
SPEAKER_01I'm drinking your acid, man. Come on, dude.
SPEAKER_02These are drain pipes, man. They're not water pipes.
SPEAKER_01Oh, but they all recede to the same place. So recycle, yeah. But walk it recycles.
SPEAKER_02I uh I take pictures of everything and I run to Home Depot. I wanted to go there, I wanted to get it all taken apart to figure out what I was gonna need. And then I ran to Home Depot to go get everything, and I had to grab somebody from plumbing because I'm like, hey, I got this is my situation.
SPEAKER_01Here's a picture of you wanted a professional from Home Depot to help you out with plumbing.
Chemical Cleaners, Snakes, And Sewers
SPEAKER_02Well, I figured he knew slightly more than I did. Yeah, I probably didn't. But I'm not I'm like, I want to tie PVC in here. What do I use for that? And he's like, oh man, we got it right here, here it is, you know, get this. And I'm like, I ain't coming back to this motherfucker. I bought two of everything. Bought double what I needed. I'm like, well, if I if I try screwing this into this union thing or this T and I fuck the threads up because I didn't clean it out good enough, I'm like, I'm not running back to get another one. It's three dollars, I'm buying two of them. True, buying an extra elbow, I'm buying an extra two-foot section of pipe. I I made it so I could fuck everything up once and be good. Okay. And uh wasn't enough. I I get all the shit, I'm putting it all back together, and then I get to the sink portion. And the the little down right angle uh things that get you into the T to link it all together. Uh one side was it was offset, so I had to cut three inches off of one side, but then my other pipe was three inches short, and I couldn't move it over. So then I had to go back to fucking Home Depot. I'm like, I bought double everything I needed, and then one thing was wrong, and I walked back in, and dude, the shame in my eye, the shame on my face when the dude from plumbing seen me again, and he goes, you know, I knew you were gonna be back for something. He goes, but I didn't think it was gonna be this soon. And uh uh I told him my situation, he was like, Oh shit, you gotta get this 15-inch pipe, and then you're gonna have to cut six inches off of it, and blah blah blah.
SPEAKER_00So bikini one one six is what you got. It's a double flared tube.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00It's a Kini 1116.
SPEAKER_02Yep. So I got I got the proper tube. I even bought I even bought a bunch of uh bunch of extra of the little uh um what are those called? The red gaskets, the little plastic gaskets. I bought like a little fucking extra pack of airs. SJ gaskets. The SJ's. Uh you know, Chris. So I was we don't know. Why'd you call Chris?
SPEAKER_01Why didn't you just call Chris?
SPEAKER_02Yeah. I bet like he's saying everything before you're saying it. So I get I get this bitch all back together. The fucking thing's running smoothly, it's perfect, everything flows right. I got the fucking right pitch on the shit, everything's sloping back down to the T. We're all fucking good. Um I'm completely thrilled with myself. There was like a great sense of satisfaction in the putting it all together, having it like look all nice and neat, and uh have everything work properly.
SPEAKER_01And I know you, Tony, this took 27 hours. It took me three hours. Times doesn't sound that bad.
Final Fix, Pride, And A Hard Stop
SPEAKER_02Which which I didn't think was that bad considering what I started with, and two trips to Home Depot in there. I was there for almost exactly three hours, and uh um, but I can assure you that that is gonna be my last bout with plumbing. I had a start when I was 20 and an end when I was 44.
SPEAKER_00Man, you're gonna find yourself, dude. You're telling me your toilet jams up and you don't lift that tank, you call a plumber.
SPEAKER_02No, I I fuck with toilets. That's the only thing I'll fuck with.
SPEAKER_01Chris, he is rich. He gets people to wipe his ass. He can choose who wipes his ass. Right at this point.
SPEAKER_02Well, he can he can she only does the wet wipes, I do all the heavy lifting. And he can change that and change whoever he wants.
When To Call A Pro
Ode To Plumbers And Closing
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I uh so my house I'm in now is my first house. And when we first moved in, it hadn't been like a few months yet, and we had a storm that backed up all the leaves into the storm drain, and then when the storm went out, all the leaves stayed in the storm drain, and then when we tried to flush and empty out, and a couple more rains came, it started backing up from that point into my basement. And I'm like, well, I can fix this, right? So I'm on there with a and I should have known better because I know how the city of Milwaukee sewer system works. You're down there with a snake. I'm down there, no, that would have been the answer. What I was down there was with a vacuum hoping to suck up the water, but in reality, I was sucking up shit water. Carrying it on the drive wet dry back upstairs, dumping it out, going back down, sucking it, dumping out. It just kept coming. The whole city sewer was all backed up. It wasn't gonna suck. Effectively. I mean I'm dumping it in the lawn, but yeah, eventually would find its way down into the sewer. And then yeah, I had to call a guy finally. I gave up because I tried with my, I'm like, oh, I gotta fucking snake it. So I'm trying to snake this drain, but I don't have a big enough snake, it's not long enough. I had to have a guy come. He came and he snaked that shit out for 350 bucks, and it's been clear ever since. So sometimes you have to call the pro. But to replace an under-the-sink drain, now you spent three hours, but a plumber would have charged you 500 bucks for that job. Yeah. 500, easy. And you bought the parts, eight dollars worth of parts. Well, your cost. Okay, you bought Bernard's version. So it's$38. So you got$38,$40 of the parts in four and three, four hours.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I guess so then you think about that, maybe it was worth$500.
SPEAKER_02Had I had that shit on my truck like uh any plumber would have, uh they would have been in and out of there in like an hour.
SPEAKER_00What a plumber would have done is they would have put this shit I'm talking about down that drain, it would have ate up all the shit, and they would have been like, works good. They wouldn't have touched it. There would be holes. Oh, it was already leaking holes. Yeah. So they might have had to touch it.
SPEAKER_01It would have burned not only in time inside the holes, but into the basement because you ate away at Chris's diseased uh what is this you speak of? It's a it's a drain cleaner.
SPEAKER_00It's safe and effective.
SPEAKER_01Like acid.
SPEAKER_00It's an acid.
SPEAKER_01So what what what else does it eat through? Metal.
SPEAKER_00Just body, just all acid eats through. No, this isn't then it's not an acid. It is an acid. It's not a metal acid.
SPEAKER_01It eats how can you put that through a drain?
SPEAKER_00It eats any organic material. No, but it's like if you put a handful of it in your hand and got your hand wet, you'd be done. Game over.
SPEAKER_01Okay, so look. How is that how's that leak?
SPEAKER_00I don't know. I pour it down the drains. You you heat up the drain with hot water, you pour it down the drain and it fizzes like nuclear reactions going on. You got you can't breathe this shit in. And then I boil some water while it's doing its thing already, and I boil water, and you take this boiling water and dump it down there, and it just you can hear it eating all the hair and fucking makeup bits. Disgusting. Leftover onions and cereal that went down there, just change your pipes every couple weeks. So it's every couple weeks? You saw how much fun it is, dude. It ain't no fun.
SPEAKER_01It's a bathroom. Why wouldn't you just take a like a like a snake? Some type of like a backforward snake. So you pull this shit out of it.
SPEAKER_00You can do that, sure. Or you can just dump this shit down once a month. It's just like I feel like plumbers use.
SPEAKER_01I feel like it's hurting everything.
SPEAKER_00It's not hurting anything.
SPEAKER_01But where does the water go? Down the drain. Where does beside I know it's out in the drain?
SPEAKER_00After that, dude, you could use Coca-Cola to do this too, if you want.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, well, you would need a lot of Coca-Cola for what you're describing. Same thing. But when you pour the shit down the drain, where does it go after that? Into the drainage. Drainage.
SPEAKER_00And then where does it go after that? To the water reclamation facility. And actually, in our case, what it does is it goes into a deep tunnel system. Deep tunnel system is a big cavern that the city of Milwaukee Wastewater Department decided to build to hope to not have to drain the water into the lake. And then they suck from the drain the big hole in the ground to treat water, but the rain and our sewage goes faster, so they just dump it in the lake.
SPEAKER_01So everything that you're describing is going into Lake Michigan.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, so is your shit. And it's totally he's he's actually helping out the whole city because it eats the organic material. It's keeping the actual sewer itself clean. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01So basically every everything alive at that lake dies, making it not alive.
SPEAKER_00Dude, this shit isn't nuclear. It's just chemical pomer grade.
SPEAKER_01You just can't disintegrate. Oh, you can smell it. You said it dis good it disintegrates live material uh uh matter. Yeah, I'll get you some. It's good stuff. So it goes it goes into a lake where there is live being like fish. Do you think it'll kill it?
SPEAKER_02It might. I think he's far enough away from the lake, though it's probably gonna lose its potency. It's gonna continue to be diluted. But so the moral of the story is uh just hire a fucking plumber, have them deal with your disgusting nonsense.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Plumbers are like they're the hardest working people in America. It's true. I deal with these guys all the time. They're the hardest working guys in America. There's nothing they're afraid of. They will go in, they will clean up your shit, and they will come inside your place.
SPEAKER_02Dude, and I wore I wore rubber gloves, and I'm like, I feel like a pussy right now. I've never seen a plumber wear rubber gloves. No, they could just see them finger banging the fucking black gel out of this pipe. Oh my god.
SPEAKER_00And then going and reaching into their snapsack and having a sandwich.
SPEAKER_02Eating Fritos.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, dude. I'm not they do. It's crazy. We used to have this popcorn machine at the first wholesaler I worked at. And I'm like, are you guys like the guys who go from the office down to the warehouse area at the counter and get popcorn? I'm like, you guys. Fucking Steve's from Shithole Plumbing was just here. Oh he came in quick because he needed a flapper valve. What do you think he was working on when he went in there for fucking popcorn, man? You think he came in and washed his hands? Ever? Oh my god. They eat that shit. They don't care. I don't know. Plumbers are immune. They're the only ones who didn't get COVID, man. They had it. I don't understand. They're immune.
SPEAKER_01How?
SPEAKER_00Power of the plumber. You need a license for that shit in the state. I don't want that license. I don't.
SPEAKER_02All right, fellas. Enjoy your week. Tune in next week for another riveting episode. Top shelf stories.
