Top Shelf Stories
In a world that often shuns the uncomfortable, we embrace it with open arms—and open laughs. Our candid narratives around our stories assure you that awkwardness is a shared human experience. Tune in, enjoy the ride, and maybe learn a thing or two.
Top Shelf Stories
From Drive-Thrus To Dirt: Food, Vermin, And DIY Survival
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
Three friends wrestle with the gap between convenient food and real food, swapping stories on city gardens, pests, freezers, and whether eggs count as meat. We push on ethics, survival basics, and simple cooking that cuts through the noise.
• why processed, shelf-stable food breeds distrust
• fast food logistics versus ingredient integrity
• raised beds, runoff risks, and garden placement
• growing produce but failing to harvest
• humane versus effective pest control
• DIY rat farming economics for snake owners
• power outages and freezer triage strategies
• meat math, bulk buying, and storage
• eggs as meat debate and nutrition semantics
• good fats, bad fats, and clean steak cooking
• seasoning minimalism and sourcing better butter
• show updates, video plans, and team changes
Available everywhere, every Tuesday
We’re searching for a social media manager on top of that. We’re searching for another podcast guy because I think I might be third.
Is Everything We Eat “Poison”?
SPEAKER_01So what do you eat that's poison? Everything I put in my face is fucking poison. I can't think of anything that I eat that's not damn near poison. To be honest with you. I don't grow any of my own food. I have no idea where any of it comes from. Zero percent knowledge.
SPEAKER_02Is there a place you can get something readily made for you to eat that is not poison? Sure.
Fast Food, Packaging, And Shelf Life
SPEAKER_01There's there's options. Where? I don't know. With a drive-through knowledge. No, that stuff's probably like coated in all kinds of crap too. Because they got it distributed across the entire country to sit on a shelf so that when you order the pecan walnut salad, there's fucking fresh pecan walnut salad mix. Everything comes in a bag.
SPEAKER_00A banero worker isn't out picking fresh pecans every day. Is that really is that how you get pecans? Do you pick 'em? Yeah. You pick them off the tree and then you break the husk open and it's very hard. Pick your walnut out.
SPEAKER_01It's very difficult to uh to live in a city where you can see from my front window into 15 other front windows and then have fresh food around too.
SPEAKER_02Donnie, do you have a garden?
SPEAKER_00Not yet, but I bet he will. Yes, I I do have a garden that was put there by the old owners, and I have never planted something in it. But was it so people my wife's father has him and my uh now six-year-old when he was like three, they used to go out there and fuck around in the garden.
SPEAKER_02Is this garden elevated from the uh level of the ground?
City Living Versus Fresh Food Access
SPEAKER_00It is not. There's a fence around it.
SPEAKER_02So what I hear is elevating a garden from the level of the ground is what you're supposed to do because the pesticides run off of other people's lawns and when the rain, obviously, and snow and the bullshit comes, it goes into your actual garden.
Whose Garden Is Safe From Runoff?
SPEAKER_00I don't know about that. Uh there's but does that make that make sense to me? There's no way for really pesticides to run into it because it's in the middle of a hill and above it is all woods. So it's it's kind of in the woods. So I guess where you're positioned, your garden's positioned. So yeah, if we're worried about pesticide runoff, uh my garden is actually really safe from that. From that. So your garden is on top of your house?
SPEAKER_02No, it's on the safe, it's on the side of the hill. How is there no runoff? How can there be no runoff? There's gotta be something that comes down.
SPEAKER_00The stuff from inside the woods. Like the good stuff runs out. It it has actually run in.
SPEAKER_02Okay, so from the other side of the woods coming back to you, you don't know what's coming where that's coming from.
SPEAKER_00The other side of the woods?
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Well, the other side of the woods is going down a different hill. How do you know?
SPEAKER_02Do you have a you have an excavator? Because it's on my fucking land. You have like a you have some type of what are they what these guys, the the the those fucking tripods in the middle of the streets, they fucking know and something like that. It's called a transit. So you got a transit? So I'm just gonna tell you this.
SPEAKER_00Transinator? Yeah, I'm just gonna tell you this. My garden is elevated, therefore, it is free of all pesticide runoff.
SPEAKER_01Anyway. Mine is up against my house, and it grows. We grow cucumbers, tomatoes, a little bit of weed. No, I wish cucumbers, tomatoes, you know, you can't grow Thai chili, uh, Thai Thai basil. I mean, purple basil. We have what's purple basil? I don't know. It's awesome. It grows in my yard. What do you use that for? Blackberries.
SPEAKER_02What do you use the purple basil for?
What We Grow But Never Harvest
SPEAKER_01I'm getting to that part. We got uh tomatoes, did I say? Um strawberries. Um yeah, but we never pick any of it, so we just feed varmint with it. Wow. So I don't know really. I don't know because it's not been part of my thing to do. And she just loves the thought of a garden. She puts it up every year. Now the tomatoes grow back, which they're not supposed to do that, I don't think. Like that's not what tomatoes do.
SPEAKER_02What is it? Was that the uh like you're supposed to have to perennials or what the fuck is it? Well, we don't have to plant anything anymore.
SPEAKER_01Everything just either comes back to life or comes back.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, perennials would be perennial. Is that is that the word for it?
SPEAKER_01But I've told her for years, like you know, we don't ever start strong, but then we never eat any of this stuff off of our branch. Maybe she just wants to see how big it will grow. Well, it just goes into the ground, and then now we have a problem with varmin. We have varmin.
SPEAKER_00They all come to your yard now because there's food everywhere growing corn stalks.
SPEAKER_01Well, not corn, but stuff they like, like tomatoes.
SPEAKER_02Chris is like, I don't want another pet. She's like, we just gotta take them in. He looks so cute.
SPEAKER_01No, they shitting and pissing in my engine compartment of my vehicles.
SPEAKER_02Would your wife, if she saw a varmint that do you speak of, uh keeping it? I caught three mice so far. Would she be like, oh my god, let's put them in a like a little glass cage and keep them and feed them corn?
SPEAKER_01But she wants me to drive away and release it or something.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Take it to somebody else's garden. Yeah, right?
SPEAKER_02Throw it at your your neighbor's window.
SPEAKER_01I looked it up though. According to the city of Milwaukee, if you catch chipmunks, squirrel, James or Tony, he murders fucking mice. Any other uh varmint or small mammal that's just causing chaos, the the verbiage is it's up to the homeowner to decide what to do with it. There is no protections, and it's up to the homeowner.
SPEAKER_00So that means I can do whatever I want. I swear to God, if I if I do plant this garden this spring, which uh my six are gonna eat everything is asking me to, um, and I catch a rabbit in that garden, I will American history exit. They will eat everything terrible. I will drive me terrible. I will drive it down to the city where we can find a curb, and I will curb stomp that motherfucker. It's terrible. You should uh get a dog and open up your jaw! But wait, what does it say? Bite that curb. Open your mouth, you know what to do.
SPEAKER_02Bite that curb, dude. You're crazy. And I don't, I don't, I I agree, and I under I see you doing this. Like I can picture right now you and a bunny, beautiful little bunny, on a curb destroying its head.
SPEAKER_00Shivering, opening its little bunny mouth around a curb. Destroying its head on the side of a curb and you looking back up at me with its big eyes.
SPEAKER_02You would even do this during a bus pickup where all the kids would be around and you'd be like, hey kids, you got vermin's in your house? Tony would put a fucking bunny on your own.
SPEAKER_00I will keep it, I will keep it in a cage until a class field trip and do it for that.
SPEAKER_02That's what I'm saying. You would do it in front of anyone. Like I said, I was at your house and I saw his tiny little like a baby little cheeky cheeky mouse. It was a cute little guy. He's jumping around, flopping around, his wife screams, and then it jumps off the screen onto the fucking patio, and then he stomps it into his patio. And I guarantee there is a dead stain of a rat, a little mouse in your patio still to this day. You stopped it that hard.
SPEAKER_00Here's the thing that was disgusting. Something you will never forget. That was disgusting. So insignificant in my life that every time I hear this story, I go, Maybe I did do that. I don't know.
SPEAKER_02That was the most disturbing fucking thing I ever seen in real life. Like, I've seen some shit on movies and shit, but this was disturbing. Like, it's so much blood went in between your toe. Like, everything came out in the side. Dude, you would. You fucking would. It came all it was.
SPEAKER_01I killed three mice with clamps stamps, traps. I've there were one, two, three. Yeah, but that's like one in the case.
SPEAKER_02Isn't it like it breaks its neck usually? Yeah. And then it's it's done with. And then there's this terrible tape or glue or whatnot that you have.
SPEAKER_00Or you could watch them suffer for this.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, that's fuck. Oh, dude, that's I don't know, man. Maybe I'm expected. Maybe I'm an animal lover.
SPEAKER_01No, it's more it's more effective though, the sticky tape.
SPEAKER_02I'm an ad I know, but that's terrible, dude.
SPEAKER_01Because I had like six imagine I had like six, seven trip traps with no fucking mice in it, which means they got their nose trimmed or their foot crammed, but they got away.
SPEAKER_02I'm far from from woke, but I feel like this is talking woke right now. I feel terrible for that fucking mouse. Yeah. Being stuck in that that that glue.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I know. And you're probably mad that I use gender language to describe the mouse as him.
SPEAKER_02You said uh he, and I was like, how do you know it was a he? Could have been a girl.
DIY Rat Farming For Snake Owners
SPEAKER_01I have a live trap set up for what this I believe to be uh I believe it is a uh chipmunk. And I have a live trap set up. Oh, dude, I shoot him with the peanut butter cracker.
SPEAKER_00I'd I shoot him out of my second story window like a goddamn sniper. I'd rather you do that on the regular.
SPEAKER_02I'd rather you do that than stick them in glue and let them suffer and die.
SPEAKER_00Oh, arrows or no, I miss I miss their head on purpose so that they gotta suffer and limp around for a little while. So it makes the second shot easier.
SPEAKER_02The last time we were in the podcast, there was a mouse, a little tiny mouse running around. Tony had this trap where it would it would climb into hit a Home Depot bucket where he put cottage cheese in and it would just get stuck because it can't climb. Whatever. It doesn't fucking cheese. It does matter. Okay, fine. Mice don't like feta. Home depot bucket and not get out. Yep. And what would I caught I'm gonna ask you this? Stop.
SPEAKER_00Rodents like that.
SPEAKER_02What would you okay, fine? Yes. What would you do if you found this in your warehouse? What would you do? What would be the first thing you did? Oh my god, there's a home, there's a there's a little mousey in the Home Depot bucket. What would you do?
SPEAKER_00First thing Well, it's easy. You put a second bucket inside of that bucket and you suffocate them.
SPEAKER_02I thought you would say I'd fill the bucket half full and watch them drown.
unknownNo.
SPEAKER_00No, I don't I don't want to carry the bucket, go get water, have to dump the water out. I just put the second bucket over the top, suffocates me at first off hour.
SPEAKER_02That's not suffocating the mouse. You're going to crush it because those buckets literally are compact. You can't get them out sometimes. Like they're stuck together. It would have squished them. It doesn't squish them. They get stuck together because it I know the air. There's there's no air. Okay, so though how much so there's like a separation between the buckets when you put those together? Like three inches. Is it really?
SPEAKER_01It's not that much, but close.
SPEAKER_02Okay, well, Chris, Chris is saying you're wrong.
SPEAKER_01It's how long.
SPEAKER_00It's however thick the the collar is on it. Maybe.
SPEAKER_02I'm trying to think right now because I all right, fine.
SPEAKER_01It's less too because there's a bottom lip.
SPEAKER_02So you put another bucket on top and then what? Just leave it for days? Not days, like an hour. Do you think that's really going to that's gonna separate uh air going in between? Yeah. So I actually it's worth it. I guess you can't get them apart, so yeah, that makes sense. So I actually knew a guy who so this was funny.
SPEAKER_00It's it this just brings me back to anybody who's fucking poor. They probably they probably deserve it. So just be poor? Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I actually think a lot of people most people do also make their own bed.
One Barn, One Trap, Endless Mice
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So I know I know this guy, right? I met him when he was like 70 years old. And he retired. He retired from not a great job, but not a bad job. But he retired at like 65 years old. And he realized that his retirement from this job was horseshit. Like, he's never gonna live a normal life on this retirement. So the guy's like, I need to make some motherfucking money. So he said he said he was into reptiles his whole life, like pet snakes and and stuff like that. And he would he's like, Yeah, it was kind of hard to get rats to feed the snakes. He's like, I I I've always had snakes. He's like, it was kind of a pain to get the rats. So I started talking to other people that were in the snakes that had like big collections of snakes, and they all need to be. They also had trouble getting rats, and you know, these things go through a rat a week. And if you're a breeder of snakes, you have hundreds of snakes. And why wouldn't you just breed rats? So that's what this guy started doing in his garage. He he developed a filing system using of age of rat, size and weight.
SPEAKER_01No, so what he did was he's USDA stamp type rating of good rat, bad rat, normal rat.
Could You Eat If Power Went Out?
SPEAKER_00Dude, he built so rats will chew through anything that they can get a hold of. So this guy builds he goes and gets some two by fours, some some uh um metal uh lath wire, whatever you want to call it, some chicken wire, and uh tubs that people use for dishes. And he builds this filing system on this whole wall where the where the dish tubs slide into a little channel he built. Okay. And the the tops of these dishwashing tubs are are two by fours framed out with chicken wire pulled tight so they can't bite through it. Can't get away. So he would take uh the gerbil watering buckets and the food and pour them right on top. He would take the water bottle, put the little nipple for the gerbil feeder hamster uh water bottle through the chicken wire, and he would just take a scoop of food, put it on top of the chicken wire. The rats would have to climb onto the chicken wire and eat through the wire.
SPEAKER_02This sounds like a Nazi concentration camp.
SPEAKER_00It absolutely was. So the crazy thing is, is rats have a litter of rats like every 10 days. Like they literally reproduce so quickly. And the snake guys need them in all different sizes. So every couple days he opens up the rat thing, he takes, you know, one female, moves it over here, he takes the babies, and he needs some little ones, some medium ones, some big ones. So he'll take like some of the babies, and he'll he'll start sorting them out, letting them grow to certain sizes, and that's what he did. He went through and he picked them out of the bins and he fucking threw them in a Home Depot bucket, threw another bucket over it, and that's how he killed him, put him in the freezer. That guy, and I'm not gonna say his name because this may be a crime, was making$180,000 a year. Fuck yeah. Selling fucking rats to dudes in the snakes. Awesome.
SPEAKER_01What a business. Out of his garage in his retirement. And I made more money in like the last five years of his life than he did his whole life.
SPEAKER_00He was so pissed off that he didn't do it earlier that he didn't start doing this in his 40s. Wow.
unknownYep.
SPEAKER_01I'm that guy right now. I'm gonna do it in my 40s. I just found what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna raise rats.
SPEAKER_02You gotta know You don't gotta know nothing.
SPEAKER_01No, no, you gotta know a lot of snake owners. That's easy enough to find. You just hang out at a few pet stores. Really?
SPEAKER_02There's there's I don't know one person that's gonna be a big thing.
SPEAKER_01If they're at the pet store and a guy's asking for rats and if you go to the pet store, the guy asks for rats and they say, Sorry, sir, we're out. You follow him to the parking lot, that's your new customer. I always have rats. I think it depends on they're two dollars cheaper than the store.
SPEAKER_02Depends on the city, too, like New York. I'm pretty sure you can get rats.
SPEAKER_01Not baby rats, not medium-sized rats, not little rats, not frozen ready to eat to your snake rats. So the size of the snake needs a smaller rat.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Yeah. He sold these rats for literally a dollar up to three.
SPEAKER_01He probably could have taken it to the next level and started cultivating the shit selling it to as fertilizer, too.
SPEAKER_02How big was this cage or fish a garage to make a hundred and thirty thousand dollars for a dollar to three dollars a rat.
Freezers, Meat Math, And Storage
SPEAKER_00It was one whole wall of a garage. That's it, that's so it was twenty-two feet long. That makes no sense. That makes no sense, bro. They're having they're having on average ten babies every ten days. Every female rat is basically producing you one rat where's my phone a day for 365 days. So how much? And then after like three, four months, what cubic what all their babies start having babies? One rat can be responsible for fucking two thousand babies what cubic feet is responsible for each rat.
SPEAKER_02This is bad math to have.
SPEAKER_01My grandpa has a uh trap. You think of this one, Jay. I gotta wait for Jay.
SPEAKER_00You said 170,000? Yeah, it was somewhere in there.
SPEAKER_01Go ahead, Chris. So my grandpa has he's 10 acres and a barn. The barn used to have horses in it. He's got a pond. He's fed it, he's filled the pond with fish. Inside this barn he eats it all the time because he likes to hang out out there and he sometimes chow out there and whatever. So there's mice. Ton mice all the time. So he has this one mouse trap in this one spot, and he gets a mouse, at least one, every day. And he has had the same mouse trap. He doesn't even have to bait it, I don't think. I mean, I think he does. But one mouse trap, and he every time he goes into the the the uh barn, he goes to the spot, finds the mouse, marks on the board, the mouse, that that trap is caught, throws the mouse to feed the fish inside the pond, puts the trap back. And I swear that wall has got so many fucking hash marks on it. The fish eat the the the big bass will eat anything. Got all kinds of fish in there. Yeah, they'll eat anything, plus there's Still half the time they're still warm and shit because he's in there all the time. So it's not like the thing's been dead for that long. It might even still be clear.
SPEAKER_00And even if it is, you can take a plastic mouse and catch a bass. They're fucking dumbest animals in the water.
SPEAKER_01So yeah, what do you think of that? Is that is that humane? He doesn't need to kill this mouse. He doesn't want mouse shit all over his stuff either.
SPEAKER_02I think that's more humane than uh stomping a yeah, stomping a.
SPEAKER_01I just do the dead mice in the garbage. I should have sold it.
SPEAKER_00Oh no man eBay. Some people are born with the gene that allows them to kill things, and some people aren't.
SPEAKER_02I'm not a serious.
SPEAKER_00You have a fucking plaid shirt on. If every grocery store in America closed down and food became hard to get, I heard this. You and your family fucking you and your family would immediately die and I would go and I would start killing everything. Yeah, eat mice? I would. I would if it came to it.
SPEAKER_01Fuck yeah, you gotta eat, bro.
Is An Egg Meat?
SPEAKER_00If it's a matter of me having a snack and not having a snack.
SPEAKER_01You worked at Qdoba.
SPEAKER_02Why was that so hard to say?
SPEAKER_00Why was that so hard to say? Because I'm not even talking about life or death. I'm just talking about a fucking afternoon snack.
SPEAKER_02Like you're gonna take his feet off and eat them like a like a chicken nugget.
SPEAKER_00I'll tell you this. Everything tastes delicious, rotisserie.
SPEAKER_01If if you think about it, dude, this is shitty to think about. But if we lost power in this country, oh yeah, or even swaths of the country for more than three days, it would become his it would become crazy. People's food that they had people's food that they did have is in their freezer and it's going bad now. They don't have any power or electricity or gas probably to cook it, so they don't know what to do with that shit. What do you do with the fucking frozen chicken tender when it's in your freezer?
SPEAKER_02That's what they say about solar flares. It's going to knock out the uh eco the the uh three days, dude.
SPEAKER_01People are gonna go ape shit.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it's gonna knock out everything. And especially when you have um all your well, basically, your fo your your so Tony, you buy uh meat and then you buy it in like like massive amounts.
SPEAKER_01We don't keep more than a week's worth of food at my house. There's not a week. I don't either I couldn't make it a week.
SPEAKER_02I don't either, but I'm saying like Tony and other people, like they they take meat and they'll they'll like like chop like do you guys do you separate a cow? Like you guys buy a cow.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, we don't just buy it living and half of it home. And like when we're hungry, we don't just take a knife out to the garage and cut a hunk of the cow off.
SPEAKER_02Well, this is what my this is what my my brother-in-law says is he buys a cow. Yeah, he splits it with my dad. Yep, and they split the meat and it lasts a whole year. And it's like it's like it doesn't, but yeah. Well, it depends how much meat you eat. And well, whatever. But what the the reason I bring it up is because I was asking you, you have a giant freezer, like you said, right? I have multiple giant freezer. Jesus Christ.
SPEAKER_01We talked about these got like 16 refrigerators, these fats of a fun.
SPEAKER_02Just put your dick away and then tell me how much meat you have right now at home that could spoil without electricity. A year's worth, easy. I'm saying, like, give me a like a price, like a amount.
SPEAKER_00Oh like uh 300 pounds, 400 pounds?
SPEAKER_02That lasts you one year?
SPEAKER_01Pretty much. I mean a half pound burger times four in a fam. That's crazy. Probably way more than you guys eat meat every time.
SPEAKER_00I probably have 200 pounds of deer.
SPEAKER_01This is coming from Jay who eats beans.
SPEAKER_00How many jars of beans you got? A man's wealth is determined by his bean count. Shut up.
SPEAKER_02Now, your meat count is insane.
SPEAKER_00I got lima. I got pinto.
Good Fats, Bad Fats, And Steak
SPEAKER_01See, see, it's if I've already decided that if it came down to power outage time, I like I said, I wouldn't make it a week. I'm bug out. I gotta bug out. I gotta go somewhere. So I got places I would go, I gotta go somewhere.
SPEAKER_00The the thing with me is I trust where things come from less and less. Yeah. Like I don't want to. I understand that. And and this all gets thrown out the fucking window when I go to Dave's hot chicken and buy this fucking chicken tender that I'm sure isn't even.
SPEAKER_01Those chicken tenders are the size of my forearm, dude, too. Like, where are these chicken breasts, man? They are monster chickens. They're mini chickens all pressed together into one bring. Of course.
SPEAKER_02It's probably I'm saying, like, okay, so three days of no electricity.
SPEAKER_01I think the world will go nuts.
SPEAKER_00No, but no, no, Chris. Now now that I'm reconsidering this, I probably got 800 plus. Yeah, I know you do.
SPEAKER_02Chris and I would be losing$200 of food. You would be losing$2,000. But he'd have it. He gave me frozen.
SPEAKER_01So he just has to figure out a way to keep it cold. You're a hard.
SPEAKER_00I would bury it if it was summertime, yeah. If shit came to it.
SPEAKER_02Well, you well, I mean, yeah. I'm thinking, wait, it's wintertime, you don't need to bury it. I don't have to bury it.
SPEAKER_00I can literally just leave it where it's at.
SPEAKER_01I know how to I I would I tend to believe I know how to survive off grid. I do believe I would survive.
SPEAKER_02Are you freezer on outside uh with your meat in the winter? Yeah. They just don't use as much power. They just yeah, don't turn on much. Okay. I'm just trying to figure it out.
SPEAKER_01It's an attached garage privilege.
SPEAKER_02I'm trying to figure this out because I might be rich one day. The detached how these things work.
SPEAKER_01The detached garage game with the refrigerator is complicated. Because you can't, my friend has two refrigerators in his detached garage. It's not heated, so it gets freezing cold. So he has to strategically turn them off, get the and know when to turn them back on because the temperature gets too cold, or have it basically set because you can't let it cook when it's cold, you can't let it go. It like overgoes freezer burnt, and the stuff in the fridge all freezes and the whole thing goes to shit. It like fucks up the condenser when it's running in the cold.
SPEAKER_02So on a normal week's uh allowance, so Chris and I don't understand this. So on a normal week, what how much meat are you guys consuming? Um like 10, 20, it depends 50 pounds of meat.
SPEAKER_00It depends what we're making. I mean, just give me an average. I would say if you average it out, it would be like a pound a day. Wow.
SPEAKER_01Wow. I'm gonna say, well, so we do, we're not doing it now because it got too expensive again, but we were doing HelloFresh. And that comes with three meals in each meal.
Seasonings, AI Music, And Show Updates
SPEAKER_02Actually, if you if you if you calculate it out, and if you're eating out, it's we don't eat out each though either. Actually, but if you are buying the ingredients to make food, it actually comes out to the same amount. No, it's you don't have to go to the store. No, it doesn't. Okay, well, I did that.
SPEAKER_01We've done it. My wife recently did the math. She decided now we're off of it. We're gonna wait until they'll send us a promo. But when they do send us, we do three meals and they each have a package of meat, and I think each package is about a half pound, probably. So we're as a family, plus I'm eating meat during lunch.
SPEAKER_02There's the thing. Here's the thing. I never got meat, I got beans. So my shit was way cheaper.
SPEAKER_01So we got we we probably consume like my kid eats a lunch at school with some meat in it. I mean, I bet you we're doing a half pound at least each day. I think I'm half pound a week. And then like the last end of the week, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, that's like scrounge day, so who knows what you're really eating, so it's harder to wait.
SPEAKER_02And I crave meat sometimes.
SPEAKER_01Well, go eat it, dude. It's actually really good for you, just so you know.
SPEAKER_00I do you're the one who decided to marry a vegetarian, which then she's not a vegetarian, though, right?
SPEAKER_01She just doesn't like the taste of meat anymore.
SPEAKER_02After Corona, she won't eat meat. Not all, just most meats, right? She won't eat chicken, she won't eat uh well uh eggs aren't meat, but she won't eat eggs, she won't eat how are eggs not meat?
SPEAKER_00Can someone explain that to me? That's not meat. Definitely meat. That's meat. People confuse them and call them dairy all the time, but they're not dairy.
SPEAKER_02Okay, she won't eat eggs.
SPEAKER_00They're in the dairy case at the store. That's about it.
SPEAKER_02They're they're considered dairy.
SPEAKER_01It's considered dairy.
SPEAKER_02It's a fucking baby chicken. It's not meat though.
SPEAKER_01How is it not meat?
SPEAKER_02Because it has no fibers. It doesn't have fiber, it doesn't have it has no fiber in in it at all. It is protein, yes.
SPEAKER_01So is it is an eyeball meat?
SPEAKER_02No. It's not it's not fibrous.
SPEAKER_01What is it? It's not a it's so it's not meat, but it's not a fruit. It's not a vegetable, it's not a grain, it's not a leg of it.
SPEAKER_02I see where you're going. I see. It's fucking meat. I see where you're going with it. It's not meat.
Closing And Next Steps
SPEAKER_01It's shredded up baby chicken. Oh, sh it's got all the components of meat in it. It becomes meat, it's meat.
SPEAKER_02That's like the vegetarians think like we're gonna have to chat GPT this shit.
SPEAKER_01You trust AI to tell you if it's meat?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, totally.
SPEAKER_01Hey, Google meat. I trust them more than you guys. Everyone's Google machine in their house just did that.
SPEAKER_02Hey Siri, is egg meat? Eggs here's an answer from preparingcooks.com. I had to read it. Mine read it. No, eggs are not meat, but are sometimes grouped with meats because their protein content. Okay, but guess what? This is something I just that's something I just read. Doesn't mean it's true. But I guess you were right. It has uh a lot of benefits that consist with eating meat. Uh, but it's not, you know, it's not it's not cooked like meat is cooked. Right?
SPEAKER_01Oh, right with with a fat added to make sure it doesn't burn in a hot pan to a temperature that's likely maybe about 160 degrees, so it's not because you can't consume raw or undercooked eggs. I mean meat or I mean eggs. But if you do not okay, so don't they even say that in the menu at the growth at the restaurant when they say eggs serving undercooked?
SPEAKER_02Like if you order under easy or whatever. Listen to this something that breaks down in your body is is uh is a solid, right? Or takes longer to break down your body is a solid. So if you crack okay, so if so what listen to listen, okay, let me let you go through this, but your premise is wrong.
SPEAKER_01Go on.
SPEAKER_02I know, okay, right. Now, something that takes longer for your body to break down is something that is solid, like consistent with matter. Okay, so you pick it up in the air and it's fucking it's physically like you can squish it. You break an egg and it leaks everywhere like liquid. Okay. So if you cook an egg, it yes, it becomes solid. Okay. But if you do not cook an egg and swallow it, okay, so you break an egg and what if I pulverize in my but I'm just saying like you swallow an egg, it's like lit it's fucking liquid. You can pull it.
SPEAKER_01You can liquefy a chicken breast in a shredder. You can shred it up to liquid. You can liquefy it in my It's chicken broth.
SPEAKER_02You can liquefy anything. You can liquefy anything, Chris, in a shredder.
SPEAKER_01And when you cook it, it gets hot into a solid. So fight me.
SPEAKER_02Well, I'm just saying that that an egg consistency, when it's the an egg, you without cooking it, it's fucking liquid. Uh without cooking, something that's meaty is still meaty. It's still fucking you can hold it in your fucking hand and squish it like a fucking ball.
SPEAKER_01I don't get how we got into cooking.
SPEAKER_02Okay, I'm just saying that that the fiber of an egg can uh versus something that's meaty is completely different. Okay.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I used to work with this guy. Uh his name's Dave Tilly. I'll never forget this fucking guy.
SPEAKER_01We gotta go last names, bro.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, we gotta disclose. Dave Tilly, man. If you're still alive, I fucking miss you guy. Wait, he's dead? I don't know. I haven't talked to him in fucking 15 minutes.
SPEAKER_01If he's alive, he definitely listens to this podcast.
SPEAKER_00If anybody I know is going to be dead, it's Dave Tilly. This dude lives a reckless life. Lives it.
SPEAKER_02He eats just red meat like every day and then bacon and then smokes it.
SPEAKER_00He would only eat hard-boiled eggs because in his head he had a theory. You think that will kill him?
SPEAKER_01Hard-boiled egg, no, you're fucked. Your theory's all fucked.
SPEAKER_00Well, no, I said that if you cook it, it's consistently different. Because in his head, he felt that if the yolk that holds most of the cholesterol was hard, it would pass through your body faster, therefore not giving you as much cholesterol as a runny egg. Makes sense.
SPEAKER_01But cholesterol in like it cooked off or something.
SPEAKER_02Cholesterol in theory is bullshit when someone says you have high cholesterol, it has not. Alright, fuck, you know, finish your shit. Yeah, we're not going on.
SPEAKER_00That was it. That was just one of the fucking crazy things he always used to prevent.
SPEAKER_02I'm just saying, high cholesterol has nothing to do with with like like good fats and bad fats, basically.
SPEAKER_01Jesus, Jay. No, listen, like we are three avocado 40-year-old men talking about health.
SPEAKER_02Avocado is a good is a good fat. If you eat cow avocados every day, guacamole, you will get fat, but it's a good fat. A bad fat would be uh hydrogen.
SPEAKER_00Sunflowered oil oil, butters, or like a dick that's wider than it's long.
SPEAKER_01But actually bad fat. Jesus.
SPEAKER_02I just I can't argue with you.
SPEAKER_01We're gonna have to get the word dick counter on the like how many times you guys bring up dick?
SPEAKER_02I didn't say dick.
SPEAKER_00The amount of time I did once. Did I say dick? But it was like the fourth time today. It was only because it was appropriate with uh all right. Let me ask you this, Tony.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, what do you cook your steak with? Uh it depends. But usually Irish butter. So you do the good butter, like the actual good fat, like the good solid, yeah, uh aged butter that doesn't have a yeah.
SPEAKER_01See, I get all my butters from the store and they're all shit. All the food I eat is shit.
SPEAKER_02So how much is a stick of butter of Irish butter?
SPEAKER_00Dude, honestly, I and I know I maybe it's just because I'm in a like halfway decent place in my life. You have no idea. But I I don't look at the prices of if you had a guess ten dollars a stick.
SPEAKER_02Maybe no yeah, that's insane.
SPEAKER_01But doesn't cost that much. No way.
SPEAKER_02I would agree. I dude, if you want good butter, it's fucking it's absurd how much it costs. Okay, so the the basic bullshit that that's uh that uh doesn't absorb in your body and just gets stuck in there and it fucks everything.
SPEAKER_01Five dollars a pound, dude. It's no no more expensive than regular butter.
SPEAKER_02You look at the Irish butter, it's like maybe double. Well, I mean you look at what I mean, what kind of Irish butter is he getting? We have no idea.
SPEAKER_01Carry gold naturally. Yeah, that's getting the carry gold. It's the only one that's allowed to be sold in the United States.$5.49 for four sticks. That's not yeah, it's not five bucks at Target.
SPEAKER_02I bought one pound blocks. Maybe you're not getting like it says Irish butter, but it's not a white Irish butter.
SPEAKER_01Maybe eight bucks.
SPEAKER_02So it might not be as good as you think it is. No, it is Irish butter, man. It's the pure. Give me the uh ingredient count.
SPEAKER_01Butter.
SPEAKER_02No, no, the actual like ingredients in the butter.
SPEAKER_01There's not just I don't know if I'm gonna find that on here. Here we go. It's a product of Ireland. Give it to me. Give it to me. Uh give it to me. It's it, it's butter. Give me the rest of the the ingredients made with milk from grass-fed cows, not treated with RST. That means any other growth home.
SPEAKER_02That can mean anything.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it means that they're from cows that don't have RST. Alright, it's$7 a half pound tub. Yeah, whatever. I mean, it's probably expensive. So that's it's like what you use? Double the pounds. Double the pound. Do you get the tub or the six? We get one pound blocks of it. We buy four blocks at a time. From Costco? Yep.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_00And I want to say it's like 20 bucks or something.
SPEAKER_02I would say that is a good fat, but the best fat would be some type of oil uh an oil. A um not like like a coconut oil would be great. Or uh but makes it kind of like more of like sweet. It sweetens up the meat. No. And I don't I have coconut oil doesn't have any taste. It does. It's definitely sweetens the meat when I use it. It doesn't. Okay, well I used it whatever. But uh I guess the butter is what what else? Well okay, what toppings. What uh what would uh so you you just sear it?
SPEAKER_01Are you fantasizing of this man's dinner eat right now or what?
SPEAKER_00The only thing I use on meat when I cook it is fresh cracked black pepper and pink sea salt.
SPEAKER_02Oh, you're doing the Himalayan sea salt. Yep. I saw how this is cracked. You gotta spin it or is it spun for you?
SPEAKER_00It's spun for me. I press a button and it goes and then fucking big hunks of pepper fall out. You don't use Lowry's?
SPEAKER_02I fucking love Lauri's. No, I don't. It's probably bad. I don't use the boost.
SPEAKER_01First steaks is the McCormick's uh what is that steak seasoning. Don't even say the Monterey. Dude, everyone loves that shit. It's so good.
SPEAKER_02It's got hunks of garlic, hunks of fucking McCormick stole stole the three dimes.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, if you knew if you listen to our old podcast, Three Dimes Reviews, we used to have this theme song that all of a sudden one day I'm at my house and I hear a TV commercial for McCormick's seasoning, and it's our fucking song, dude. It was wild. Isn't that weird? In our defense, we stole that song. We had it first stole though. Yeah. Years before now our new track, which we didn't play in the beginning episode. No, we didn't. No, no, I said LB stole stolen again. We legally downloaded it legally and And then we edited it with some AI music sounds that I created. Stop doing that for the smashing of the glasses. Play the track. I made some AI video to go along with this shit. We're gonna up our game. We've gotten video now here in the studio. We're gonna do some different things with this podcast. We realize you 10 loyal listeners have done a great job keeping us going over the last few years. But it's time for us to step up our game. It is. We're searching for a social media manager on top of that.
SPEAKER_02We're searching for another podcast guy because I think I might be third. Yeah, we're thinking about getting rid of Jay. Yeah, I don't know. I should be going because I can't speak. You could be this you you are color, like the color guy.
SPEAKER_00So if you're a man in your 40s and you can string together a sentence, hit us up. We'll put Jay on tech only. You don't even need a sentence.
SPEAKER_01Qualifications include being in an apartment, not a house, like Tony and I. You have to have a cat instead of a dog, or like Tony and I. Um what other things? You must wear Puma.
SPEAKER_00Why? I don't know. That's what I'd do. Preferably blue, because I'm I need a change.
SPEAKER_01Well, guess what? That's the end of our podcast today. There was nothing in this. This was an unplanned, unscheduled podcast. I hope you enjoyed it. Thanks for tuning in. I'm Chris. That's Jay. This is Tony over here. This is Top Shelf Stories Podcast. Available everywhere, every Tuesday. Thanks for tuning in.
