The Great Razor Blade Rip-Off

We bounce from ridiculous sports stats to the very real pain of buying overpriced razor refills, then land on a surprisingly useful set of shaving hacks we swear we will actually try. We debate blade counts, irritation, shower shaving, and all the myths people repeat, while trying to figure out why something as basic as shaving still feels like a scam. 
• Shaq “owns everything” and our talent for making up statistics 
• Free throws as a mental game and why underhand might work 
• Paper notes versus phone notes and the curse of never finishing the list 
• Razor refill sticker shock and incompatible cartridge systems 
• Honing blades on denim and why drying the razor matters 
• Shaving cream and product swaps that reduce razor burn 
• Beard trimming, clippers that last forever, and grooming logistics 
• Amazon subscriptions and the economics of supplies 
• Shaving myths around pressure, grain direction, and timing 
• Shower shaving, ingrown hairs, and basic skin prep 
• Why the military wants clean-shaven faces 
• Who taught us to shave and learning the hard way 
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Transcript

Welcome And Random Shaq Facts

0:00

Top Shelf Stories with Jay, Chris, and Tony. What is going on, guys? Welcome in Nothing March. Welcome to Top Shelf Stories. I'm Chris. You got Jay on tech, and Tony was also on tech earlier, but now his dream has been crushed and he's no longer on tech. He finished his dream. Yeah, he did. That's a better way to look at it, Jay. He accomplished full circle. His dream of becoming the tech guy. Jay and I almost switched seats before this podcast, but I decided I have too many notes. There's no way. So how are you guys doing, huh? It's been a long time. We've been in here in like what feels like forever. Oh man, I got a belly of uh Shaquille O'Neal's uh famous wings, which reminds me of today's episode. That's Jack's fizz. He owns them. Oh, this changes everything. He owns Papa John's, he owns Wing Stop, he owns an Auntie Ann's pretzels. So that's why we see him every commercial. He owns over 150 car washes. I thought he was just a um really? I thought he was just an icy hot guy. No, man. Shaq owns everything. Hmm. He was a carnival cruise director. He probably owns a couple ships. Dude, they get so pissed when you call them boats. What would you call uh a Shaq ship for a carnival like or a cruise thing? What would you call it? Remember when he owned Kias? He would fit himself in a Kia to show how big Kia's were? I don't know. What would you call it, Jay? The uh the Neil Cruise. The wave slam? I don't know. Ship Fu? Ship Fu. Remember when he owned K Kung Fu? Yeah. Shaq Fu? No, we call it well no, we'll call it the one three-pointer. Yeah, you guys. The one three-pointer. The one three-pointer. So Shaq in his lifetime shot 22 or 23 three-pointers and made just one. Really? Yeah. I just saw that that's all you need to make. That stat.

Free Throws And Head Games

2:30

That's better than most of the NBA's average. That's an interesting fact. Well, uh, in Milwaukee, we have uh Giannis on the cou ball, and he is like 40% on free throws, but he still makes about 40 to 50 percent of his three points. I think he's higher than that this year on free throws. Last year he was dog shit. This year I think he's I think he got better, you might be. I think he's in the 70s this year. Give me a break. He's not airballing them anymore. I wouldn't say I wouldn't say 70s, but yeah, I think he got better. You know what I my favorite thing about this show is that we just randomly make up statistics. I often stand by them. Yeah, but listen, they made sense and I believe it. So that's all that matters. Giannis is making just four percent of his free throws on the line. I watched the uh the game the other day, and he was uh three for six or three for seven. I'm free throws. Free throws. His first game back? No, it was his second or third. Second or third. Maybe it would only second then, yeah. I watched that game. The one we lost by 30. Was it the the Hawks, right? Yeah. So they were they were killing him, and then all of a sudden they just sucked and lost. Go ahead, Chris. I know it's I mean, all right. So, Chris, you had something to talk about, didn't you? Well, they should call him free points, and then it'll be just psychologically, I think he'll do better. Free points. Or free shots. They call him free throws. To me, a toss. It's in his fucking head. I think he just he has to not think about it. Oh, free shoot. Free free points. Just shoot it. Don't think about it so much. Yeah, I know. He thinks about it too much, and I think that's what fucks with his head, and that's why he misses so much. I think he should start doing hook shots just from the hook. For the free throw. You can't jump on the free throw. How do you do a non-jumping hook shot? I think just a hook shot from the side from from the top of the key side. That would be amazing. This is someone do a free throw shot hook shot. People should go back to the underhand Todd. Well, that hey, you know what's funny is there's uh um a show on Netflix loosely based on the Los Angeles Lakers owners. Um, I forget what it's called, but it's got some bitch in it that was real popular in the 90s, like a Gwyneth Paltrell type. I I don't know, I forget her name. Probably Sandra Bullock. No, it's not her. She's a big one. She is in everything in the 90s, but uh they they own the basketball team and they pick up this new rookie, and he he's super promising, he's fucking amazing at everything. And on the free throw line, uh, he's zero percent. No way. So they uh they get him a shooting coach and and walks in this like 80-year-old Asian lady to teach him how to shoot free throws, and she's like, I give up. Like this guy's ridiculous. And uh they talk him into doing potty shots. Oh Mike. And uh he can make every single one of them throwing it as a potty shot, but he's too embarrassed to use it in the game. So the star of the team, uh, you know, like making him seem like he's LeBron. He's like the older guy, he fucking averages 40 points a game. Uh he goes up to the line and he knows this dude's too embarrassed to shoot him, so he starts shooting him potty shots and making them, and then dude goes up and now he's a hundred percent on the line. Wow. A hundred percent. Yeah, can't miss them. That's great stuff. You get the right spin on the ball, I think. From underneath.

Notes Lists And Razor Confusion

6:20

Yeah, it's all about the arc. All right, so I run around my life, dude, with all these notes. Do you do this? Do I do this, or you do this? I have like 10 sheets of paper. I do not do this. I used to not write anything up. You do? I have hundreds of notes in Google notes. I think I need to digitize them, but I like to write them on pen. I use the pen also. Interesting. With Google notes, with your phone, you have a pen? Uh-huh. So you take a picture of it and then Google transfers it to a note. Oh, he's writing it with a pen in his phone. Oh. So I open up my notes and I write them down. Look. That's pretty cool. But one of these notes is to get new blades for the razor. Here's my here's my notes from yesterday. Yeah. Yeah. Does it look as sloppy as you write? Yeah. Yeah. It does. It's gross. So one of these notes is is to get new razor blades for my razor. I got a razor from Santa Claus. And it's like got three? Five blades. Five blades? Plus a six. That's crazy. I don't know how you don't cut your juggler with five. On the back side to do the trimming under the nose and like right behind right behind the ear there. Yeah. Um. It's called a Harry's Razor. Oh, I I think. I probably shouldn't say it because they don't sponsor us because they're bitches. I got those before, and they were terrible. So I have this thing, right? And it came with four blades. And I need to replace it now. So I went to the store because it was one of the things on my list. It's to buy these blades, right? It's only at Target, right? No, they had them at uh Meyer. Okay. Because we named stores that don't fucking sponsor us. But dude, I go in, I'm looking to buy these things, and I'm like, gosh, I saved up all this money because they cost like $35 for a four-pack of blades or whatever they are, right? I don't know what they they are. That's how much they cost. Dude, I got there's two different types. There's a Harry's one, and now there's a Harry's two. And there's a whole rack of both Harry's one stuff and Harry's two stuff. And the head the handles look the fucking same. What's the difference between them though? I don't know, but on the box it says they will not work with each other. They both clearly stayed on the box. They won't work with each other. You can't see into the box. It's a cardboard-coded box. You can't see what's inside it. So you didn't go into the Amazon cart and find out which one you bought yourself? Though Santa Claus bought it for me. Oh, okay. Yeah. So I didn't know at the time. And I'm of the age where I'm no longer going to call my wife when I'm at the store to try to have her help me. I do it all the time. Yeah, I'm not doing that. I'm not doing that anymore. That's a whole nother episode. Where are the cucumbers? But okay. Can't find them. So here I am. One of the things on my list, my hundreds of lines of lists, is to get these razors. I'm ready to do it. And I come on upon this. Oh, why do I do? I gotta do this math in my head. So you got a new razor for Christmas. Yeah. This year. Yeah. And it came with four blades. Yeah. And you're out of them already? I'm out of them. How how in the fuck? Well, I'm on my last one. I cracked the last one. Do you how often do you shave? Every other day-ish? Third day, every third day? Sometimes a month? I shaved yester today. Yesterday? I shaved. Alright. Do you That's fucking crazy? I'm on I'm using the same Mach 3 blade from August. Okay, this gets into what I'm talking about later. Okay, go on.

The Denim Trick For Sharper Blades

10:05

So so the minute they start getting even remotely tough on my skin, like remotely, I have an old pair of jeans. Okay. I take that denim and I stretch it out, usually over my leg. I sit on the toilet and I stretch the jeans over my leg. So you go, you go to yourself, I'm gonna go get my knife or my razor blade sharpening jeans. Yep. And stretch this myself over my leg. Well, I used to do it on the pants that I was wearing, but then I realized that that was kind of a bad idea. So you got a pair for this. Okay. So I got one of my old pairs that are just in my closet. Yeah, I'm about to get some knowledge here. Keep going. And and uh you run it, you just shave it on those jeans a couple times, and it'll take all the burr off of the end of the blades. And do I if I change shave it like you'd shave your neck on the jeans. Yep. And if I three blader. If I three bladder. If I change my three blader twice a year, that's fucking insanity. Really? Yes. Oh boy. Okay. Not everyone has the privilege to go boy. Oh boy, did we just learn about the gene channel? No, no, not everyone has the privilege to go to a uh what am I thinking of? I got a barber every every other week. They don't do my face. Are you fucking crazy? Yeah, I didn't notice your your beard. That's what barbers are there for. No, he does my head. He's like, Do you want me to do straight razor? You don't straight razor your face? No. And I actually can't. Which which just makes it even they can't straight razor my face because my skin's too sensitive. And it'll get all fucking cut up. That makes no sense because the straight razor is supposed to be like one of the most right. So any little like bump or nick or anything like that, it just cuts it right off. So how do is it because so that so I end up with all kinds of bumps and shit like that? I have that problem too. That's why I have five blades. I never use a straight razor, but I get the bumps and stuff from using all razor. Single blade or three blade or five blade? It's like six sixteen. It's the prison style disposable. It's yellow. I've got facts here of blades. So you could you guys have already told some lies, but I want to hear more about this gene trick though. This is not in the facts. It just uh so I read this thing. Look at those. Oh, you missed it. I read this thing like 10 years ago, and it was about uh shaving blade maintenance. And if you want to get the most life out of your out of blade, I do because they're expensive as shit. They really are. Well, especially when you move up to like fucking dozen blades. Uh my three blades, they're not that bad. But uh it said if you if you want to get the most out of your blade, you should hone it on denim. It takes any burr off of the blade, and after every use, you should dry it with a hairdryer. I heard that dry it with a hairdryer is key, I think. Yeah, well, they make the I don't do that because I don't have a hair dryer. They make little compartments you can put your razor in that absorbs the uh the water because the water actually corrodes the blade. Yeah, corrodes the sharp edge on it. Yeah, so the denim actually takes that all off. Interesting. So you don't put it against the grain, it's with the grain, like you're gonna shave it. I go I go both ways with it. Okay, both ways. Yeah, just like Jay. Both. So this is a lesson, yes, because I've burned through these fucking things. Yeah, I I don't because they start ripping me up, and I'm like, dude, I'm not dealing with this. Or the little what about so I guess maybe the drying would do this. What about the little lotion bar of lotion that goes across the top of it? Doesn't that the little thing shrink on you and get in the fucking way and then you can't shave with it? Well, usually when usually when that's all fucked up is when I actually change it. So I think that little lotion that that thing doesn't fucking. Oh, that's everything. That's not uh the the key, the real key, the real game changer

Cream Choices And Beard Maintenance

14:20

is when I switch shaving creams. Oh yeah? What are you on? I use cremo. What cream? What the fuck is that? It's C-R E-M O. I might have to get into some cremo. Someone jizzes in a can. I got good aftershave now. Not that after. I got that after again. Yeah. I remember the afta from when I was a kid. It's the cheapest shaving cream you can get. Or aftershave. I mean, I use I use a five dollar bottle of Adidas Moose. What do you what do you what do you do to keep the beard at the same length? Because that's another thing. That's what is that called? Because the razor is the blade you use. But you use a shaver to keep your beard length. Yeah. And what it what you're doing, shaver, right? Do you spray it like you do when you're cutting Chris's hair every time? Like to clean it up. Not every time. Or keep it like that. I actually got my back in the day haircutting clippers back when I used to have cords. You still use the same one for your beard? Yep. Same one. It's fucking going on like 10 years. What's the name of it? You spray that spermic on it or it's an old Ulster. Oh what is that? They make they make uh they make uh toasters. Yeah, it's uh it's a very old, it still runs, runs and drives great. Uh I keep I keep a number two clip on it. It doesn't come off it unless I'm doing my balls with it. Uh too much, dude. Too much. Well, yeah, then I put a number three on it because obviously you don't shave your balls. Yeah, with a number three. Yeah, actually, okay. I like some length. How do you get how do you get close to your balls without cutting them? Use the number three guard. Number three guard. But what if you really want to get close and you want to have nice smooth balls? I switch it for a number four around my asshole. I don't know. I let my wife do all that work down there. You do not. You're lying. I want it in. I can let it lie, but I can't. Um no, apparently I I've never bought one, but apparently there's a special razor made by a company called Manscape. Come on, what's the difference? How many blades does it have? Well, it's a pill blade not supposed to pinch your ball meat. That's bullshit, because I've had that before and it's definitely pinched my ball meat. And another thing is you just gotta stretch it like you stretch a shirt on an ironboard and get it nice and fun. Why the fuck are the fuck are we not using our wives to shave our our areas we don't want hairy? I can't give her attention for things I want done, let alone shit I don't want to do. But seriously though, I don't ask my wife to do it either. But seriously, like could easily be. My wife should be should be carding my back, my back area. My wife You guys definitely made bad choices on wives. So your wife does it then. All right, I'm that's it. It's happening. Seducate, you're gonna be shaving my back from now on. You just said that my back just got a shave like three days ago. Okay, my yeah, my back, my wife does the back, but I'm saying your balls, you just said you'd take different lengths of your trimmer, but no, you can't do it. I drive, I'll go and do it whenever I please. I like it. I mean, if I'm looking for a really close shave, like you know, I'm gonna go get a prostitute that day, I make her lather them up and hit them with the with the razor, with my face razor. You don't. I know you're lying. I can tell the way you're talking. I wouldn't let my wife do that, I don't think. But uh, yeah, no, she she's in charge of the back, my buck crack, and my taint. And then I get the front. It's hard to get at by yourself. Yeah. I don't got the dexterity anymore to throw a fucking foot up on the counter. Damn. You know what? I uh I used to pay my brother, and this is terrible because he charged me. I used to pay my brother to shave my back hair. Now it's free. When I got married, now it's free. With the wisnouskies, I know how thick that hair is. That's a real fucking job. Yeah. I couldn't. Did my brother miss spots and shit? Like, I I'm like, what am I paying for? What what's going on here? I couldn't imagine that. I don't understand this. I couldn't imagine the amount of hair. So what do you shave with? As far as what what part of my body, there's different things. I usually use electric shaver because I don't I don't like always like to shave how I am today. Uh, but when I do shave like you had court today. When I do shave like this, uh I just use the regular mock fucking three or something, whatever it's like. No, there's no regular. Have you ever been in a fucking store to buy that? I order something off of fucking uh Amazon and it comes to my house and I'm like, this worked great. I could see Jay at the fucking target being like, hey girl with the red shirt on. Can you show me where the mock fucking thing regular razors are? I'm just telling you right now, I went to go try to replace my razor, and this shit's fucking I didn't even know what to buy. I walked away without anything.

Subscriptions And The Cost Of Shaving

19:35

I'm an Amazon shopper. I remembered all my money. I saved all the coins to get all this, and then I got there and I didn't even know what to do with it. I'm an Amazon shopper. So you can't get your blades on Amazon. Come on. Yeah, I get them uh through subscription. You don't like to go to the store? Do you guys ever hear do you ever hear of the Amazon subscription? Oh man. 15% off if you order a numerous amount of items once a month through Amazon, and that's what I do. I get my water, I get I get fucking uh fucking uh volcano uh water purified water from fucking uh Hawaii called Hawaii water. Are you on a subscription for your chopsticks? No, I have like 10, 20,000 of them. I bought those off see 20,000. See, and this is the thing, why I don't fuck with like Amazon subscriptions and shit. Why? They come to your door and you're you don't have to worry about paper towel. But if I'm gonna do it with blades at fucking $40 a box for three of them, uh, and I'm going through I mean, I I'm dead serious. I don't know that I've gone through three blades in a calendar year. I agree because I don't shave all the time either. I do. I shave every other day. Okay, well, what do you want me to tell you? No, I'm just saying, like Amazon subscriptions. You have a little tiny You crack the code with the the gene code, though. All you have to shave is your fucking neck. I'm saving 200 bucks a year on blades. All you have to shave is your neck and the size of your fucking cheeks. That's incredible work. Yeah, but my neck's super long. I can't wait. I can't wait to try this out. Your neck is touching your titties right now. I'm never buying another blade again. You shouldn't. Don't give your money to these fucking people. Do you know

Razor History And Personal Grooming Tips

21:30

who invented the razor blade? Razor Alstein? No, it's a dude in Germany. I have lots of his straight razors. Are you serious? Do you think you really know? Uh is his name Gillette? His name is Gillette. Wow. His first name is King. King Gillette. Are you serious? Yeah. Is he a black guy? King Gillette, 1855 to 1932. He's like Dr. Dre. He wasn't really a king. He invented the disposable safety razor blade. Wow. What year? Between eighteen eighty-five and nineteen thirty-two. Holy shit. What do we mean between? That's when he lived. Oh, okay. So what? What did he disc what did he discover it? This is in the internet. I have papers. So he discovered it in what? 192? How how thick is a razor blade? An eighth inch. 32 mils? Close. That's really close. I don't go by that. I go by uh United States measurement. Okay. How many of an inch? An eighth. An eighth? What's an eighth? 0.175? 1875? Yeah. No, 0.01 inches. No, I'm talking about the Or 0.26 millimeter. I'm talking about the width of the blade, not the actual blade blade. The thickness cannot exceed that. No, okay, when you're talking about the the the actual cutting a knife blade is not an eighth of an inch thick. No, I'm uh okay, I'm thinking of it sideways. I'm thinking of it sideways in the razor compartment is an eighth of an inch. But I'm not talking about the blade. Yeah, that's impossible. He just asked how thick was the blade. I'm thinking about the I'm thinking about it. Okay, is there all right? Question. Fine. Hold on, question. Is there seven blade technology? Yes. No, I think no, I think they skip seven. Yes. I think it goes six right to eight. The Dorko Pace 7 is the world's first seven blade razor. Blade Razor. Making shaving safe and easy, even for sensitive skin. Like you. There you go. Uh next question. How do I shave my penis properly? It's in here. It's on my stats. I mean, you don't get the hair in your start with a warm shower and soften the skin and hair. Then trim the long hairs first. So like Tony does with this number three. Yeah, you gotta knock it down with the number four first. Why does everyone say, hey, how do you? Start with short strokes with the grain, Jay. Keep the skin taut. Rinse, pat dry, moisturize to prevent irritation and nicks. First off, you messed off with shaving your dick. Shaving shave your dick. With the grain minimizes razor burn, guys. There's no hair on the side of your dick. You got hair on the side of your dick. Absolutely. That's fucking weird. My dick has sideburns. That is fucking weird. We're not going to talk about each other's dicks, but now you know how to shave. A second pass a guest the grain is an option for closeness if you can handle the extra irritation. That was an AI overview. Oh my god. The machines don't want to clean your jeans. You're drunk. All right. Here's the question we've all been wanting to know. How many shaves can you get out of a razor? Yeah. Five blade razors for a comfortable shave. They recommend. I would say. Don't even hit me with seven. How many you got? I would say about twenty to twenty five shaves. Such as these twenty shaves. Nice. Three blade razors. Such as the Mach 3 range. That's what Jane was talking about. I get about 107 out of one. 15, dude. 107. Easy. There's no way I'm throwing away a brand new blade that only has 15 shaves on it. There's no fucking way. I'll shave it until it's fucking smelly. Oh man. I had to change mine recently. You can tell because you start bleeding where it leaves stains on the neckline of your shirt. When you get to work, you're like, oh fuck. They're really bleeding it out. Alright.

Shaving Myths Irritation And Ingrown Hairs

26:02

How did men shave 2,000 years ago? Oof. Oof. I mean, they had to do some, right? I don't think they did. I think they just trimmed it with within the biggest. You just had a hundred-year-old hair. Well, what is that? Sharp rocks. Sharp woods and arrow rocks. Well, how do you make her an arrowhead? You make it rocks. Stone, man, flint. Yep. Animal bones. So they just they just sharpen shells. Oh, okay. Yeah. Shells will work. Yep. We uh and our ancestors, you know, smart guys. There's no way anyone 2,000 years ago had a clean shave like totally. When everyone calls you a caveman, you say thank you. They're fucking smart. That's how you made it here. Alright. See what else we got. Uh, what's the best shelling selling after shave in the world? Aqua valve. I I I I only get uh Aqua De Jour fruit. Okay. Fruit. By the way, I didn't end up buying those blades. Did I say that? I just fucking yeah, I'm on run borrowed time. I'm on borrowed time. All right. Shaving every day makes your beer grow faster. True or false? False. 100% false. It's false. 100% false. Why? Why are you so confident? Because you don't shave every day. Yours grows so fast. People always say that you shave your hair and then it grows back thicker. 100% not true. No? No, 100% not true. Because your follicle can only get so big. You shave it. I mean, what it only it repeats its growth. It's not going to get bigger because you cleaned it. Okay. How many, how many, uh, how many uh follicles you got on your face, you say, you think? Oh my god. 180,000. Well, I mean, that that varies between white trash DNA. Well, sure, but like on average, you're shaving how many hairs each time you shave? How many cuts are these blades making? Three, four hundred million? What? 180,000. Million more? 180,000. Dude, think of your face and then put a stamp sized section and start counting and then how many stamp sizes? 80,000. They say it's like a staple center in Los Angeles, which would be like what, 50,000, 60, 30,000? Well, I wasn't too far off. He was crazy. He was crazy on it. Is it a staple center for a basketball game? No way. The Bucks Arena is only nearly the same size, and it's only like 20. Yeah. So 30,000 maybe at staples. So 50,000 in a normal human face. I don't even know where these facts came from. These are from the papers I printed off, dude. It's definitely in the millions. No, let alone facts. It's not in the millions. That's ridiculous, Tony. I bet I bet your mustache has 30,000. Alright. Pressing harder provides a closer shave. True or false? False. I would say true. False. No. Okay. Yeah. It's with or against. Like the first blade like lifts the cut. The second and third, fourth, and fifth, they cut. So those commercials that show the fucking zoomed in face being shaved. They're not pushing it hard. Yeah. No, it's true. They show the first one. Like when there's more than one blade, it shows them being cut. Yeah. And it shows the first one being cut somewhat close. Yep. The second blade going closer. And then the third blade going. That's why if you had like 14 blades, you'd have such a close shape. Shaving with like an iPhone on your face, all fucking blades. Alright. What else? Shaving against the grade, the grain yields better results. I would say yes. For me, it does not. I would say yes. See, I would tell you yes also. So for me. My papers say the lie detector has determined you are not shaving better against the grain. Really? No. Nope. Morning is the best time to shave. Yep. No. Yeah. Why? Really? It is. Because I'm fresh out of the shower. Shower in the morning. Just like your dick, your hair has a all your hair. You don't shower in the morning like a psycho. Literally never happened. I never shower in the morning. Tony gets up at his camp count and drives home. No, dude, when I got my new camper, that was the stipulation. We had to have a real-size shower. I mean, it drains right to underneath it, but whatever. Alright, let's see what else I got. Water is good enough for a shave. Hell no. Yes. It's false. He says, yes. You're shaving raw. Just raw dogging the. Spitting on it first, at least. Raw dogging four blades. This guy's like four blades for suckers. Just spitting on my hands and putting it on my face. He's just taking steak knives and cutting with the fronts of it. If I haven't, if before I have not had uh shaving cream, I've used soap. I use conditioner for a large period of my life. Uh I actually heard that the best thing you can use for shaving cream is olive oil. Yeah, I use conditioner, which is similar. Yeah, I'm keeping olive oil in my fucking shower. That's ridiculous. You shave in the shower? And then what after that? Wait a minute. I put lorries on my face afterwards? You're shaving in the shower? You don't put water in the sink and then rinse your razor out after every pull? I I take uh I have a non-uh fogging mirror? Mir. Oh, that's fucking shit. And I shave in the shower every time. Every shower? No, no, no. Whenever I want to shave in the shower. Whenever I want to shave, I do it in the shower. I don't do it in the fucking sink. And you're not. Because the wife complains about hairs falling everywhere. Using spit? No, I have fucking shaving cream. If I don't have shaving cream, maybe I'll use spit next time. Okay. Exfoliating before reduces the rip risk of piping. 100%. Yes. You exfoliating? Well, you gotta warm up your face. You can't just start shaving cold. That's really good. So now he's not. Now he's not. I'm in the shower warm. You didn't answer that question. Is that true or false? Have either of you ever tried. That's true. Have either of you ever tried shaving with nothing, not out of the shower? Like you see a couple extra hairs, you're like, oh, I missed that spot. Look at how pissed this guy is, dude. You got it on here. Wait, wait. Nicole, show that. He's pissed. Closer. Closer. He's pissed. No, no. Yeah, I've had it like you just like, oh shit, I got a couple hairs and you go for it. Maybe that, but no, not completely shaving. No, that's ridiculous. Hammorading blood. It's crazy. Oh yeah. Do you guys ever get the uh after you shave those tiny little whitehead, little zitty thingies? No, that's a hygiene problem. That's called it ingrown hair, man. He's right. I get that all like if I do if I if I haven't shaved for like follicles are too close together. If I haven't shaved for like a month and I shave, I get all these little tiny little white dots, and I gotta scrape them off because they look gross. And they they're just irritating. You gotta shave them off? No, I scrape them off my fingernail. Oh, that sounds fine. Just to clean them up. She recorded on YouTube videos, people will watch that shit. Alright, one more here. Military. Did you know that? Military soldiers are forced to maintain a clean-shaven appearance for self-defense reasons. Why, though? Preventing adversaries from gaining leverage by grabbing onto facial hair during the case. Get the fuck out of here. That's the reason. Yeah, that's the why. It also ensures a proper fit. I thought it was so they could be at their sexiest just in case they gotta fuck their way out of a fight. Yeah. I don't know about that either. No, I I never knew. Yeah. So it's actually for oxygen and gas masks, too. Tony, when you say that, I'm thinking that's that's like what you want to do. Like, you want to kill me? No. Look at my dick. I'll fuck you. No, my clean-shaven face, you mean. Uh, yeah, that's uh bullshit. Yeah, I can't believe we have to shave our face. It's some bullshit. Hit the thing. Well, we actually don't have to at all.

Wrap-Up And Learning To Shave

34:40

So I got all these fucking lists of things, and I didn't get even that one done, dude. I still got I'm on borrowed time. I don't know, man. Gotta ruin some jeans. That was great. That was a little pair of jeans and some uh creme. Cremo shaving. Send me the cremo. They do not sponsor us yet. Cremo. Yet. No, that was great, Chris. I like the questionnaire. I think I did a lot better than Tony did for the first time. Yeah, you know how to shave, but you're a burly motherfucker. I'm telling you what. I have this is the first time I actually used a razor to shave in months. And maybe this is this is crazy that you bring this up because usually I just use an electric one and I just trim it. Yeah. Because I don't want to get this fucking. I hate the irritation. I don't I don't I I like to be sh sh clean shaven, but I don't I hate the irritation and the time it takes. And it just it just it's it's annoying. I'm 43 and I've did cork call. Shut up. I'm 43 and I've been shaving since I was like four. Because I'm a man. Did you haven't discussed it? I still haven't figured it out. So this question pertains only to you, Chris. Did your dad show you how to shave? Uh probably. My dad did not. Get him on the phone. I wonder why you're not asking me this. I'm sorry to laugh. That's not funny. Well, I had to learn on the streets, bro. I mean, unless your mom, unless you're in the taking the bath, your mom and shaving her legs, and you're like, this is what you do to your face. I don't know what to say to you. I know your situation. I had to figure it out. And we were poor. The best a man can get. So we did have they were they were barbersol disposable razors. They came in like 10 packs. That's what I used for the longest time. And uh that's that's what I learned to shave my face on. And then I went through a long period of time where I was using a straight razor on my face. That's dangerous. If you don't if you just start that shit. Yeah. Wow. Every barber I've ever been to in my life uses a straight razor. I mean, that's uh they say that's the cleanest way to get and then it doesn't have irritation on your skin. But it does. I have to be the one that does it. If anybody else does it on me, they go the wrong way in the front of my neck, and they always fucking cut it. We already learned that it doesn't matter where you're shaving or the direction, you're still getting the most clean shave. Okay.

Sign-Off And Tell Your Friends

37:21

All right, peace out, everybody. We'll see you next week. Thanks for tuning in. Top shelf stories. Tell your friends.