Top Shelf Stories
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Top Shelf Stories
As Is, Cash Only
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We react to a wild Cash Cars Kansas City style pitch and break down what “as is” really demands from the buyer. We also spell out what they consider a “warranty,” why cash is nonnegotiable, and how to protect yourself no before you hand over money.
• defining “as is” as buyer responsibility
• motor and transmission as the only real warranty line
• why “still runs” is not the same as “problem free”
• how to do a real test drive that reveals breakdowns
• checking radios, windows, seats, heat, and air before buying
• cash-only rules, no swipers, no ATM, no credit
• no refunds and why reading the terms matters
buy a raffle ticket on one of the cars we’re raffling off … always bring cash … Read, read, read. Reading is fundamental.
Cold Open And Sponsor Plug
SPEAKER_02So what what is your music? Put the music on! What what's your hold on we need music? Before you do this, today's episode is brought to you by Cash Cars Kansas City. Shut up.
What “As Is” Really Means
SPEAKER_02What is your favorite sky's commercial?
SPEAKER_00Now, some of y'all may not understand what as is or as the fuck is means. When we say we sell motors and transmissions, when we take it to take it on a test drive, I'm just going to explain the shit to you because some of y'all don't understand the words that come out of our mouth are the words that you read. Right.
Motor And Transmission Warranty Limits
SPEAKER_00Here we go. Motor and transmission. Alright? When we say if the motor ain't blown up, train ain't slipping, don't bring that bitch back tripping. If your car is hesitating, spitting and sputtering, does not give you warranty to bring it back. It still runs. It's not ticking, it ain't blown up. If your transmission shifts a little hard or shifts a little slow, it's still shipping. It's not slipping. Don't bring that bitch. It's still shifting. If you work in Overland Park, Lee Summit, I don't give a fuck where you're working. Put some gas in the motherfucker and take your test drive to your job. Drive the bitch to your parking spot, smoke your joint, smoke your blood. I think it's better. Now, on the way back, if the car breaks down, we will come get it because it's still our shit. It's not yours. We will pick it up and put you in another car and you'll figure it out.
SPEAKER_01You'll figure it out.
SPEAKER_00We aim to please. But when you come with that little bitty ass cash, we're gonna give you what you pay for. You come with a thousand dollars, trust and believe you're gonna have a thousand dollar car. Something is not gonna work right.
unknownTrust and believe it.
SPEAKER_00There's no such thing as a perfect car because you can spend damn near half a million dollars on a Rolls Royce, and they still have Rolls Royce mechanics. So if you want a warranty, we warranty this bitch will get to your house. Because, like I said, the motor ain't blown up, the train ain't slipping, you cannot come back tripping.
What You Must Test Yourself
SPEAKER_00Fuck your radio, fuck your windows, fuck your seat, fuck your heat, fuck your air if it don't work, because you should have tried that shit out before you motherfucking bought it. As is mean as the fuck is. We don't try to be hard on you, but god damn it, you get what you paid for. Spend 3,000 on up. If you don't like it, go make a car payment. Because when you come to us, we are your last motherfucking resort. You know, men got turned down by everybody else.
SPEAKER_02What are you watching, Tony?
SPEAKER_00We are not retarded. Bring cash. This is not, let's talk about it. This is not, let's make a deal. This is not, yeah, it's let's make a deal with cash. This is not lailway cars. I don't have no lailway. Just for if you can't borrow the money from your mama, hell, I don't trust you neither. Don't trust you. God damn it, me neither. So ask your mama for the money, ask whoever the fuck you need to ask for the money, but always bring cash. Fuck your credit card so we ain't swiping shit. People come all the way to the lot, drive a car, loan you out to buy a car, and say, Do you motherfuckers have an ATM? Hell no, it ain't even no power around this bitch. We can't run the generators to fucking run the air conditioner for the slap trailers, man. We don't have that shit. We don't have no swipers, cash, cash, cash, and I cannot express cash is king at cash call.
Cash Deals, Raffle, And No Refunds
SPEAKER_00It's 3,500 to get you two buckets, two for 35. If one breaks down, always jump in another one. You will put down for a car, you can own your car. So, cash cars, we give it back to the community. You don't want to buy one, buy a raffle ticket on one of the cars, we're raffling off at the Southeast. The raffling union. You raffling off a car there, it will be in the building front and center. Look for the big trailer, look for all the fucking cars, and look for me in my attire. Cash cars. 6707 prospect, where we sell cars as the fuck is. And there's no and and most important, there's no fucking refund. I don't know nothing about a refund because as soon as I get your money, it's gone. It's spent on some more shit we put on this box.
SPEAKER_01So as soon as I get your money, it's gone.
SPEAKER_00We just go pitching another car. You're not getting your money back. Read, read, read. Reading is fundamental. Okay? Now we got that out the way. Chas car 6707 prospect, where our motto is if the motor ain't blown up, training ain't slipping, don't bring that bitch back tricky.
SPEAKER_02That's a guy from Milwaukee. That's from Milwaukee, right? No. Prospect Milwaukee. No, uh, Kansas City. Prospect Kansas City. All right. That was good shit.
