Recover Your Soul: A Spiritual Path to a Happy and Healthy Life

Being Okay When Others Aren’t: Detachment Without Abandoning Yourself using Soul Recovery

• Rev. Rachel Harrison • Season 6 • Episode 30

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When someone you love is struggling—emotionally, mentally, or through addiction—it’s natural to want to help, to fix, to make things better. But what happens when trying to save them begins to cost you your own peace? This episode of the Recover Your Soul Podcast explores the powerful Soul Recovery principle of detaching without abandoning yourself. Being okay when others aren’t doesn’t mean disconnecting from compassion or ignoring reality—it means turning inward, releasing control, and choosing to care for your own well-being first. The Soul Recovery Process invites us to see “what is” with clarity and neutrality, to stop trying to shape reality into what we wish it could be, and to instead respond from a place of inner strength and spiritual alignment. This episode offers support for anyone caught in the tension of love and suffering, with guidance on how to recognize your own needs, trust your emotions as sacred messengers, and make decisions that honor your wholeness. Through Soul Recovery, you can begin to release old patterns of codependence, reconnect with your Higher Self, and remember that your healing is not only possible—it’s the most loving choice you can make, for everyone involved.

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This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not allied or representative of any organizations or religions, but is based on the opinions and experience of Rev. Rachel Harrison or guests. The host claims no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the information presented herein. Take what you need and leave the rest.

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Rev Rachel Harrison:

In soul recovery we're learning how to be okay, how to actually be happy and healthy through a spiritual path when the people around us might still be struggling or the world around us, which right now is very intense, is struggling, moving to the place where we're saying, well, everything's happening for a reason. It's about learning how to look at things in a more neutral format and choosing love over fear. We can always be present with what is and be able to make decisions that don't abandon us, that allow us to step more fully into our sovereign state, our spiritual whole, authentic, higher self. Enjoy the episode. Welcome to the Recover your Soul podcast a spiritual path to a happy and healthy life. My name is Reverend Rachel Harrison.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

I started Recover your Soul after having profound changes in my life from my recovery of alcoholism, codependency and control addiction. I was guided to share the tools and principles of spirituality and soul recovery to help others transform their lives, as mine was transformed. For us to overcome external circumstances, we need to turn the attention to ourselves, focusing on our inner change and healing to ourselves. Focusing on our inner change and healing, positive results in our lives will follow. Welcome to the Recovery Soul Podcasting Community. I'm Rev Rachel. This is a community where we're learning how to take our power back. This is a process the nine-step soul recovery process where we're awakening to our true self, where we're recognizing that we came here, because maybe we have someone in our life who's an addict, maybe we have codependence, maybe we grew up with dysfunction. Something outside of you feels overwhelming chaotic. And listen, we are in the world right now, and if you don't have somebody in your family who feels heavy or too much, or that there's something going on that feels uncomfortable, just watch the news, just step outside your door and feel like the world's on fire, which is what it feels like right now. And there is such a propensity for us to go back to the control, the desire to try to make it be something else, so that we can be more comfortable, that we can be safe, because it does feel unsafe right now.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

And I think that what I want us to talk about today is going to be partially a conversation from a Instagram message DM that I got, but it's also about this concept that I've been really thinking about. That goes right along with it, so it was perfect timing, which is how are you able to be okay or to work on your spiritual journey or to heal yourself or change your belief systems or show up from a new way of being, when what looks like everything that's happening on the outside, whether it's the big world or whether it's within your family, is just so hard, so painful, so complex. And that's the piece that I really want to talk about today, because there is a lot going on, and there's a lot going on for a lot of different reasons, I think. Especially right now, it's really intense and up because of a lot of the stuff that's in the astrology and a lot of the energies that are happening around us. And you know, I'm into the woo and I'm not going to go too far out into the woo, woo but even if you just look at it at face value, there is a lot going on, and so we want to move into that place where we want certainty. There's a lot of fear, there's a lot of upset, there's a lot of unknown, and so this is the time, right now, for you to deepen your spiritual practice even more, to really lean into, turn the attention to yourself.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

What's going on with you? How can you change how you're seeing it, how can you change how you're showing up for it. How can you have compassion and continue to be in the light and continue to be okay with what is and that's the question that brings me to the Instagram message. So the Instagram message reads me to the Instagram message. So the Instagram message reads a question for you how do you allow the relationship to be quote what it is unquote when your husband and someone I should be able to depend on is not dependable? We have two small children and I have been doing so much better with detachment and I'm listening to the Let them Theory book as well, but I'm struggling with how to allow it quote unquote to be when I need his help. I have hope he will get better, but what if he doesn't? When do I make a choice that I deserve more in a partner? Any advice would be helpful. Thank you so much. I've been listening to you and you've truly kept me balanced in crisis.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

I love this question because it goes right along with what I've been thinking about in this concept of there is real stuff happening. There are real consequences happening around us from not only the bigger situations that happen in the world and with the government and everything that's happening in terms of all the discord and the oh my God. There's just so much that is happening. But in your own family you've come here probably because you have somebody in your life who is in this space where they're not okay, they're not making choices that benefit your family. Where they're not okay, they're not making choices that benefit your family. They're not showing up as a partner that is being present and connected and helpful. Maybe they're choosing their own addiction, maybe they can't get their head above water. Whatever it is, there is a what it is.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

That is really hard and I think in spirituality sometimes there can be the spiritual bypass that says just see that everything's working out for the highest good. I was talking to somebody about this the other day. Right, it's like this is just the lesson I need to learn right now. Well, that's not helpful. That might be. On a larger scale, truth that there's. There's some curriculum of life here on earth school that we're all going through, and it is way easier for me to be on that upper level where I can look down with some some witnessing and be like, okay, on a larger scale, there's something else going on. That is a bigger picture and if I didn't believe that, I would really still be at a high level of stress and anxiety.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

But you can't just dismiss what's happening and the experience that we're having as these incredibly rich and vital and incredible souls having this human experience, if you don't sit in the humanity of it, if you don't experience the feelings that you're feeling, if you don't look at how it is affecting you and your life and how you are in your being. And this is the piece that I think is so important, soul recovery is where we're actually learning how to be with the world and with our relationships in a way that if we can take judgment off of it, if we can stop seeing what is good or bad and we just have more ability to see what is this is what I talk about with the what is. Sometimes you're looking at what is is not okay, it's not great, it's not healthy, it isn't aligning with you, it isn't safe. What is is not about accepting everything in a way so that you figure out how you personally can do a better job at being okay with it. It's not about being okay with it. It's about actually seeing it for what it is and in the midst of seeing it for what it is, if you open up a little bit bigger to that.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

Generally, what you're looking at is you're looking at a lot of pain, a lot of inability to move, for people to be willing to do the heavy hard work to make a decision to heal themselves, to make a decision to do better in their own life. And if you look at what's happening in the larger world, there's so much control I mean, ultimately everything's about power and control and control of money and who's saying what? And you know, can we talk about things, about somebody, people who don't like our president, and then that's the voices being quieted and there's all this fear. And it's actually a larger representation of a system that has been happening for a long, long, long, long, long time. And the way that I look at it from a spiritual perception is that it's just all rattling and coming to the surface and showing itself in how you either are choosing love or fear in any moment, no matter what it is. You're either choosing love or fear and lightness or darkness, and darkness is not evil, darkness is the absence, of absence of light and love. And we get to be in this experience where we can start to look at the what is from this new way of seeing and I want you to really take a look at the what is, because the what is is actually neutral, the what is happening is actually neutral. And if we, if we can open up to this neutrality I was actually just reading this in the way of mastery this morning and I was talking to Rich about how this particular spiritual book that I'm going through every day, I read two or three of the little chapters and it's similar to the Course in Miracles and it's a channeled work and it talks a lot about neutrality work and it talks a lot about neutrality that things are just happening, they just are right.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

And there's been things happening through the essence of time since the beginning of time, even before humans were here. Right, like things grow and things die. And you look at the animal world and some animals eat other animals and they fight and then they're okay and then they shake it off and then they go back to grazing and you know things are extinct and then they are reborn and things shift and change. There it's neutral, it's been happening for a long time. Then humans come in and then we're complex and then we're fighting with each other and we're trying to figure out who we are and all of it is around this learned behaviors and these systems, that we are making beliefs and stories and trying to make sense of all of it, and we're constantly creating a story of what this means. What does this mean? Why are they doing this? How did we get here? How are we going to fix it Right?

Rev Rachel Harrison:

All of that is self preservation and the ability for us to be able to try to wrap our heads around stuff that really were powerless over all the stuff in the first place, which is why step two in soul recovery is so powerful when you really recognize that we're really powerless over everything except for how we choose to see it. What is the perception in which we are witnessing this neutral situation? And it's all of our attachment to how we think it should be or what we want it to be. And all of that actually brings us and this is in step three, where you're looking at what are your beliefs and patterns and stories and why are you trying to control, why do you want it to be different? What's really going on?

Rev Rachel Harrison:

So, if you have somebody in your life I'm going to go to this question who many of us do, many of you do with thousands of people in this community on a regular basis. There's many, many more, but there's thousands of you that are coming every single week and listening to this podcast, which I'm honored and privileged that I have this incredible community and I guarantee you almost all of you have this situation on some level where, here you are, you've done step one, you've ready for a make awakening, you've stepped into this place where you're like I'm going to make a decision to see my world, my life, take my power back, quit giving everybody else the power to tell me whether I'm okay or not, and to start to be curious about who am I and how am I showing up and what is my growth, how do I feel and what am I seeing that I can change. That's step one in soul recovery. Are you ready to step into your soul recovery? Visit the website recoveryoursoulnet to learn more about the nine step soul recovery process. I hope that you'll join us the first Monday of every month for the free soul Recovery Support Group on Zoom, where we learn more about soul recovery and connect with each other. If you'd like to work directly with me to move through the nine-step soul recovery process, I'm here for you, but you can also choose to work the steps on your own, with individual modules intended to support you, to work at your own pace and on your own time. And if you want even more soul recovery, join us for the Recover your Soul bonus podcast for Patreon members and Apple podcast subscribers, where I interview amazing people sharing soul recovery tips for us and also do spiritual book studies. You can also find Daily Inspiration on Facebook and Instagram and join our private Facebook community. Visit the website for more information, links and registration for everything.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

Back to the episode and now. We're looking at these beliefs, patterns and stories and underneath, the power of us understanding how we feel is giving us the information that we need to understand what is actually going on for us, that we are here to learn. If you have somebody in your life who is struggling with their own human experience through addiction or mental health or anxiety, there is a essential element that we are aware and present for, and compassionate for, somebody else's journey and someone else's experience, and the part in soul recovery that we're all working so hard on is not being responsible for their healing, for their growth, that we're not more invested in what's happening to them than we are into, how are we going to be with it? And so accepting or being okay with what is is not the point. The point is to see what is, with clarity, with compassion, with an awareness that takes all of our sticky. Here's what you said you would be for me, and this is the agreement that we made, and as a dad, you're supposed to be this and as a husband, you're supposed to be this.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

If you can look honestly at somebody who is in the depths of their despair, the dark night of the ego, when you can look at it from your clear, spiritually conscious self, you will know whether they are invested in healing and choosing love, or whether they are invested in fear and choosing harm, and we are powerless over which one they choose, but we can see what they are choosing and from that, we're looking at it from our new angle, which is we are invested in choosing healing and love for ourselves and the compassion that you can have for somebody who may be in a place in their life where they aren't able to get their head above water. Aren't able to get their head above water, and it's incredibly painful and complicated to watch somebody else drowning, but, as I've said in other podcasts. It's like we go out there like the lifeguard and we've got the lifesaver, whatever those things called the life floaty thing, and we've got all the stuff. When we run out there and they're drowning and and we're trying to give them all the tools to save themselves, and they're just pummeling you, they're just dumping you underwater, they're just dragging you under, and there's a moment when a lifeguard has to choose their own life over saving the person who's drowning, because that's whose life you're here to have, is yours. And so you leave the information out there, the life preserver out there, and they can decide whether they're going to grab a hold of it. And you know what so many people when they're in the midst. I mean, if you really think about the actual drowning right, how terrifying it is that you're not in your right mind, that, even though there's somebody there to save you, you can't get your head into the place that says, oh, calm down. You know, stop resisting, stop fighting, stop. You know pushing the other person under the water. Notice that they're here to help you, just relax. Not everybody picks that.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

And this is the part where we are really stepping into this deep level of tenderness and compassion to everybody in their own experience, and this is the place where you can kind of come from that higher view and look down and say, on some level, everybody's here to learn whatever it is they're supposed to learn, however hard they choose to learn it from. We can't possibly understand the levels of pain and suffering and trauma and real, unconscious and subconscious beliefs and stories that are underneath there, just dragging them under. But this is the beauty that we each have a choice. Always, every single day, you have a choice about how you're going to show up in your own experience experience, recognizing your feelings, using how it feels to you to be the incredible gift that teaches us more about ourselves and how we feel and what's going on with us.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

And so, being in a space with somebody who is in struggle and you see that they are choosing love and helping from themselves, but it doesn't look the way that we would like, it's not as fast as we would like, or they're not going to rehab like we want them to, or they're not, you know, doing the therapy, or they're doing the work. That's the moment when you look and you say am I trying to control this? Am I trying to save them? Am I trying to do for them so that I'll be okay. If you believe and know that they are on, however slow it is, the path to recover your soul for themselves, their own soul recovery, and that is okay. For you to give them space and to be a support to them while you are putting your primary focus on yourself to be able to be in your world and your healing and your spiritual growth and your nine-step soul recovery process, then it might make sense to do that work together, that there's something that you're doing together, that it's a mirror, it's offering you information. But we are constantly being invited to be resourced for clarity of what we need.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

And it gets really complicated right here, because I'm having this visual of somebody who's got kids and a husband who's making choices. Now listen, I was there. I was there. I had a husband who drank a lot and I'm thinking of when he was building the cabin and he was gone for almost three years during the week and then would come home on weekends and worked all through the winter building this cabin for my mom, living out of a tent, and they drank so much, and he would come home on the weekends and he'd just be exhausted and hungover and short and I had a baby and a toddler and I had these expectations of what I thought a marriage was going to be and how I thought my husband was going to be and how I thought my husband was going to show up for me and he was providing on a financial level but he wasn't providing on an emotional level, on a father level, the way that I wanted. And I think the thing that when I can look back and have space on what that felt like and what that looked like to me and reading back in the journals you know I'm working right now with my co writer, maddie, on the recover your soul memoir book about my journey of my soul recovery, which is really all of our stories right, we're, we're so, we're so in this together.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

You know, and I was reading in my journals about those years when Rich was in the cabin and there was so much loneliness in my marriage. I had all of these views and expectations of what I thought my life was going to look like. I had this storybook vision of what a husband would be like and what fathers would be like and and I wanted kids and I wanted this family and I had an fathers would be like and and I wanted kids and I wanted this family and I had an expectation of how that was going to look and it was not looking like that at all and it was really hard because he was stressed out and he was drinking and he was volatile. And when you're in the middle of that, I think the thing to do is to like recognize that you have to give yourself grace, because that part of my life, when I look back on it, had so many jewels of my own strength that I wasn't really standing in, and the beauty of the relationship that I had with my children and the ability to see how much resources and vitality I had in myself. But I didn't recognize them at the time because I was so hyper focused on what I wasn't getting from Rich and what I can see. Now that's changed. I mean I'm still married to the same person. See, now that's changed. I mean I'm still married to the same person. We are not the same people.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

That person who had that experience was actually a different person and it's strange that we have these different chapters in our lives where we really are completely different people, because we both grew through all of it, but there was never a moment in those younger years where I didn't feel safe physically, emotionally. I didn't like what was happening. I journaled a lot about whether I was going to stay or go, or what I wanted or this wasn't what I wanted. Those feelings are giving you information. Those feelings are giving you information and what Abraham Hicks talks about. Who is Esther Hicks? Who channels Abraham? This wisdom is Abraham. She says that when you have these moments where you really feel what doesn't work for you, those are moments of clarity, because it's giving you more information about how you feel, to give you more pull to connect to the universe, to say what you do want. But it's not about leaning in so deeply into what isn't working, because then you're actually in the problem and not in the opening of something else. And so this is where it gets really complicated, because we are in these relationships with these human beings who are having these experiences that are very complex.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

This was something that he really wanted to do. He was in his 30s. It was really when you're establishing your identity and the way that they made it through these very difficult sleeping in tents, living off of a generator, pooping in the woods I mean the whole thing right, like the way that they handled this was the fuel of alcohol. Why? Because he was given drinking as the way to be in everything. Because alcoholism had been handed down from generation to generation to generation as the number one solution. So I can see all that now, but I couldn't see it when I was in the middle of it, and the healing that came in my own life that I think that is so powerful is not that you stay if it's not good.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

I implore you to not be in relationships that are dangerous, where you have to abandon yourself, where where you are not safe emotionally, physically, financially, right, like that's that looking at what is with clarity, the neutrality, and being able to take all the stickiness off of it and say this is not okay for me, it's not okay for my kids? This person is not making choices to do better for themselves. This is not a place where I can grow. If you are in a situation that is really despondent, this is where you lean into a spiritual foundation that says can I actually trust this as part of my journey to understand that I can and will be okay outside of this can and will be okay outside of this, I can and will be okay outside of this and that I will be resourced with what I need. And when you stop blaming everybody else and being a victim of thinking the world is all over you and this is terrible there's a strength that shows up in you that gives you the next step, the next step, the next step, the next step In my relationship with Rich.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

What I can see now from where I'm at was it was this opportunity for me to understand more about me. He was just being him right, like he didn't really think his drinking was as bad as I did the whole time through, and it wasn't until we got sober the first time, almost 15 years ago, that he really looked at it in a way that was different from you. Know, this is just what we do, and he's danced with it until I think a year ago. A little bit over a year ago is when he had his last drink. So it's been his journey.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

But that is the part that it's like if we turn the attention to ourselves, if we step out of our codependent. It's my job to fix everybody. If I don't like what it is, I'm going to fix it. I'm going to make this work. I'm going to make this better. I'm going to make him better. These'm going to make this better, I'm going to make him better. These are these old, limiting beliefs that we're discovering in step three.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

And then a step four. We're, like I can and will connect and commit to being in co-creation with a higher power of my understanding and trust that this is for me, this is for my well-being, and I'm going to see what is not, through all of the layers of old story or old dysfunction, or I'm determined to make this work, I'm determined to stay and fix it, but from like real curiosity to yourself, it's like what is happening for me? How can I raise my light? How can I understand more about myself? How can I release this is step five release the pattern stories that do not serve me, that are not true, that are not true. When I looked at my life outside of the fantasy that I had created, I actually started seeing parts that were beautiful, that I was missing because I was so caught up in what my fantasy wasn't. And that's really where I am in my life today, as I've stepped into my new, authentic, whole self, which is step six, like stepping into your new beliefs, patterns and stories.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

When I look at my life now not from dysfunction, not from the part of me that thinks I'm responsible for everybody or I have to fix everybody or I'm the one that comes last I'm in a state where I've actually chosen myself in a way that I never thought I had permission to before and in that there's actually more awareness and separation and detachment in my relationship with my husband. He has always been a really good financial provider. He's always worked really hard and that was one of the things that, for me, kept me sort of in in those years that were really hard, because at least at least he was doing that part Right. And I know many of you are in situations where your person isn't even doing that part and that is really really painful.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

To really look at the what is and see that whatever's going on for this person, they are just so lost in the woods. You know, none of us are broken and it's not like there's something wrong with any of us, but we get lost in the wilderness. As Brene Brown says, we're lost in the wilderness and only they can find their way through, but you are in your own wilderness. So you know, the interesting thing is you get these DMs, or even in working with people and coaching. And if there was some simple answer that would be like yep, leave that one, nope, stay in that one. Oh, here's how to help that one. That's not how it works, just like how what's going on with our country right now. It's got to work it through. The only way to the other side is through it.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

It's not about spiritual bypassing and just pretending like everything's la la and it's not about controlling and trying to fix it and force it and make it be different and better. It's about coming back to your heart, coming back to your own resourced self, looking at what is from a neutral standpoint and, from that, having more clarity. Is this love or fear? Can I choose love over fear? Can I let go of control and see what is and, from this space, recognize whether this is a stick it out? We're figuring it out together. I can stop having all these expectations of what I think it's going to look like. Really turn to myself, my own healing, my own beliefs, my own stories.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

Sometimes some of the greatest healing that can happen is to stay in the midst of the storm, and other times you cannot heal in the midst of the storm. Only you know that answer for yourself. What is acceptable to one person won't work for somebody else. There is no one rule around this except that your soul recovery, your process, your coming more fully into who you are as your full, authentic, beautiful you are as your full, authentic, beautiful, talented, incredible soul that you are can absolutely let go of all of this old, tired, untrue, limiting beliefs and stories that have kept you trapped in a cage where the door's been wide open the whole time. That you can decide to step out of the cage and to be clear about who you are and what you want in your life, and that you can trust that the universe is going to open that for you Now. Does that mean that there's some Prince Charming and some beautiful house and some perfect friends and no one ever has any problems and the money just falls off the trees for you? No, that's crap. That's another weird, you know, fairy tale that we have.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

Life is challenge, life is complicated. Life is about constantly choosing your sovereign state of your own wellbeing, your happiness, and leading constantly to what sparks energy in you. That's what the feelings are all about. When it doesn't feel good, it's telling you something, and when it does feel good, that's telling you something. And if you need other people to tell you how to feel, that's telling you something. This is your learning.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

So the big answer is I can't give you an answer. That is, that this isn't about some one size fits all about what to do. It's about you getting more clarity for yourself, about you can be okay when the world around you are making other choices. You can choose to detach and not watch the news and all the things that are happening on the outside and attend to yourself, and you can be in a relationship, whether you're actually staying in the relationship or not. But you can look at the relationships in your life around you and say how am I learning from this? What is mine to do, and can I love somebody unconditionally enough to let it go and let them find their own way, knowing that I will absolutely be resourced and that I can trust that this is part of a larger picture for me. That is giving me more information about my grand experience, my curriculum, my school of earth, my life earth school.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

It's not about being perfect. It's about being fully awake and conscious in your experience, continually letting go of everybody else's experience to determine your okayness, your value, your worth, your wholeness. You are whole, you are enough, and if those people in your life who are struggling so much could see their worthiness and their value and their wholeness, they wouldn't make those choices for themselves. So model that by doing the work for yourself, by healing yourself, you are indeed making change in the world that you may not see right away, but is profound and huge. Healing yourself is your number one priority, and sometimes healing yourself means making big choices that are around you, choosing you Until next time, namaste, thank you for listening and I hope that that helps support your soul recovery process.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

Just a reminder that every Friday is the Recover your Soul bonus podcast. This podcast is for Patreon members and Apple podcast subscribers, and not only do you get an incredible interview or book study that comes with being part of that community, but your subscribing helps support this podcast and the Recover your Soul community. If you want to listen to those bonus episodes but can't subscribe right now, do know that you can be a free Patreon member and have access for limited time to new episodes. Visit the website RecoverYourSoulnet or check out the show links below for coupons and information for upcoming events. I thank you for sharing this podcast with your friends and family. I thank you for giving it five stars, and the reviews that are left bring tears to my eyes. I am honored to be part of your life. Together, we can do the work that will recover your soul.

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