Why Is It So Hard to Receive Love? Healing Self-Worth and Learning You're Enough

Have you ever noticed that it's easier to give love than to receive it?

As recovering people pleasers and codependents, many of us learned to care for everyone else first. We became experts at giving our time, our energy, our love, and our attention, but when it comes to receiving those same gifts, we often hesitate.

Why?

In this episode, I share a very personal story about buying a new car and how something that seemed so ordinary uncovered a much deeper invitation to healing. What surfaced wasn't really about the car at all. It was about an old belief that had quietly followed me through much of my life—that other people deserved more than I did.

As I became curious about those feelings, I realized that learning to receive has been one of the greatest spiritual lessons of my own Soul Recovery journey.

Healing isn't about getting more.

It's about releasing the beliefs, patterns, and stories that tell us we aren't enough.

When we begin to receive the same love, compassion, and kindness that we so freely offer everyone else, we open ourselves to a life rooted in abundance instead of lack, trust instead of fear, and wholeness instead of striving.

If you've ever struggled to believe you deserve love, support, joy, or simply something beautiful for yourself, I hope this conversation reminds you that you have never needed to earn your worth.

You already are enough.

A New Weekly Rhythm

Beginning July 2026, you'll receive a new episode every Monday between the 2 Recover Your Soul Podcasts.

One week you'll hear a full Recover Your Soul Podcast episode, and the next week you'll receive a Recover Your Soul Bonus Podcast, where I share spiritual tools, practices, guided meditations, and inspiring interviews to support you on your healing journey.

Thank you for being part of this beautiful community. Whether you're just beginning your healing journey or you've been walking this path with me for years, I'm honored that we're recovering our souls together.

Until next time… Namaste. 💜

The Recovery Your Soul Podcast courses and content is for educational purposes only and is not affiliated with or representative of any organization, recovery group, or religion. And reflect the personal experience and opinions of Rev Rachel Harrison and her guests. RYS claims no responsibility, any person or entity for any loss, liability, damage caused or alleged to be caused, direct or indirectly by the use application or interpretation of the information presented within. 

Transcript

Why Receiving Feels So Hard

Rev Rachel Harrison 0:00

As a recovering codependent and people pleaser, I am learning how to receive. Why is it so hard to receive love or even receive gifts or compliments? We can give and give and give, but sometimes it's hard for us to actually take in what people have to offer or even to ask for what we need. This is part of our journey to learn more about ourselves, to shed those limiting beliefs and those old stories that make us feel like we have to deserve something from those old limited systems. We are stepping into a new way of being that allows us to ask for and to receive from a more healed and awakened place. Enjoy the episode. Welcome to the Recover Your Soul Podcast and Community, a spiritual path to a happy and healthy life. My name is Reverend Rachel Harrison. I started Recover Your Soul after having profound changes in my life from my recovery of alcoholism, codependency, people pleasing, and control addiction. I was guided to share the tools and principles of spirituality and the recovery soul process to help others transform their lives as mine was transformed. For us to overcome external circumstances, we need to turn the attention to ourselves, focusing on our interchange and healing. Positive results in our lives will follow. Welcome to the Recovery Soul Podcast and Community. I'm Rev Rachel. Thank you so much for being here with me today. If you've been coming back for a while, I am so grateful that you're in this community. And if you just found us, welcome. This is a community that is around learning to be okay when the people around us or the world around us isn't okay, and a spiritual path to a happy and healthy life. You know, I think it's so fascinating that this level of addiction and codependency and people pleasing that I went through for many, many years, like 20 years, and just being so heart sick, just heart sick all the time and really in a hard, dark place was the door that I didn't even understand at the time, was this door, this threshold, this opportunity for me to really release and let go of the old limiting systems and patterns that were mine that I came up with on my own. And also that we're part of this agreement that we have as a society of who we are and how we show up and what our roles are and who we're supposed to be and how responsible we are for everybody. And to be able to move into this new place of understanding, seeing, changing perception, choosing spirituality, choosing our soul journey. And I love that more and more and more people are talking about the soul journey in ways that even just a couple of years ago weren't talked about. I mean, it's just fascinating. And when I really look at my own journey, it's been a slow and steady awakening. It hasn't been some grand burning bush or kunali experience. It's been a slow and steady healing process. And part of it is learning deservedness, my own worthiness, my own self-love, really stepping into a place where I understood that the love that I have for everyone else, I have so much love for everyone else, I actually deserve that love too. And I am curious on a regular basis as to why this has been such a big part of my journey is allowing myself to receive. I think that sometimes as people pleasers and as caretakers, we don't know how to receive. We only know how to give. And we'll give and give and give until we're empty. But if you don't fill yourself up, if you don't refill and charge your batteries, then you won't have as much to give. And so we're learning in these new languages, in this new perception, in these new ways of being in our bodies. We're understanding energy, we're understanding the exchange of energy, we're understanding how our thoughts create things, how our thoughts create the world in which we experience. We're learning how to be present in ourselves in a way that is very conscious, very awake. And to be awake doesn't mean that life doesn't continue to be lifey. It just means that you can react to it, you can be present with it in ways that were like um in new ways that that you never could before, because we we fell into old woundedness, into old defensive patterns, into these old stories. And there's lots of different paths to be able to discover what those are. But if you really start listening to the languaging and the messaging that's not only happening here on this channel and on this podcast, but in the larger collective, it's around releasing patterns, releasing old limited belief systems. And I have been working on a limiting belief system that is other people deserve to have more than I do. And it came from, it came from really a lot of different places, but it came from having a childhood where we were hippies and we didn't have a lot. We had what we needed and we had our basics covered, and that was um probably more than some other people in the world, but I didn't know that. What I did was I looked around and I saw other people around me seemed to have more than I did. And actually, I was thinking, I just came up with this idea that my kids had the same thought. They grew up a station higher than what I grew up. And yet when they became adults and moved to California on their own, I remember Alex saying, you know, I always thought we were so poor, and I didn't even realize how well off in middle class we were until I came to another place where I could have that experience of seeing. But as a child for myself, I had a very strong awareness that there wasn't much and that asking for what you wanted was just outside of what we had. So I created a belief system inside myself was that I couldn't ask for what I wanted. It wasn't okay not only to have, but to ask for what I wanted. And so I've I've witnessed this in my life in many ways that has this lack system. When you think about manifestation and the secret, and there's so many videos and podcasts about how to manifest, how to create money, how to have a different mindset, how to see and visualize yourself in different ways in your life, how to really be aware that your thoughts create things. If I go and look at myself, I am evidence of a positive part of that. I've always had a sense of myself that has been able to have strong direction and created uh jobs and situations and, you know, a life that if I really look at it from a gratitude standpoint, which I think is essential, is to look at what you have and be grateful for it instead of look at what you don't have and be in the lack, and it brings up all that fear. But when I really actually look at how I have a life that I'm very grateful for, I've been working since I was 13 years old. I've always worked really, really, really hard. Part of that was because we didn't have much. And so if I wanted something, I had to make it, I had to create it. And I had parents that were very loving, but they weren't the kind of parents that were just handing things out, right? And when I turned 15 and a half and got my driver's license in New Mexico, if you took driver's ed, you could get your license. I never expected a car because my mom had always, always said I wasn't getting one. Don't expect one, she said. And it was because there wasn't much and she didn't want me to be disappointed. But when I turned 15 and a half, lo and behold, she came across a car that was a really good deal and she gave me a car. And it was an example of a place where someone who loved me very much gave to me out of the kindness of her heart. But I had already started to create a story inside of my head that was there isn't enough. If you get something, you don't deserve it. And I don't know where this came from because it's not the kind of messaging that my parents gave me. I just created in my own mind by looking at observing what was around me and how they interacted with the world and then the other people in the world, something in me created my own system that said I'm not deserving of. And I was so grateful for this car, but I was always terrified that it was going to get taken. And if I look back, that's another one of these patterns. And it's about recognizing your patterns so that you can heal, release, and exchange them for a healthier pattern, a healthier way to see, a healthier way to be. I think one of the things that's happening now that we've been working on here at Recover Your Soul for the last six years, we're in our seventh season, is this release of these old systems, this updating of our operating system. But it's becoming more and more and more in the mainstream, the way that we're talking, we're saying, hey, we don't have to live from these old belief systems. Just because even if you had a parent, even if you had a parent or caregiving situation where they were more direct in your non-deservedness and they said and did things that were wounding and difficult and painful because that happens all the time. That asleepness creates systems where people harm the others out of their own ignorance, out of their unawareness of how that is affecting other people. And even though my parents didn't do that on that level, that I know and have coached people with the way that their parents talked to them or or uh presented their deservedness or lack of deserving, it still was a messaging that I received that if I got something, I should just be really grateful. You know, we got clothes once a year, there was not much, there was no food in the refrigerator besides some tortillas and some cheese sometimes. And now I recognize that it created a belief system

The Stories That Shape Deservedness

Rev Rachel Harrison 10:56

that isn't true and that needs to be updated. One of the things that I think we're doing here now is completely shifting the paradigm in which we all exist and live in away from fear and into love, away from not enough to enough for everyone. The messaging that we receive that there's not enough comes from lack and fear. Now, it isn't like there's some miracle bus that shows up and opens its door and money pours out, and you don't have to do anything. That's not how it works, but that's how some part of our ego wants it to be. We want it to be easy, we want it to be given to us. Our souls didn't come here for that. Our souls came here to be creators. And we create what we experience from what we feel and believe on the inside. And part of this reality that we're stepping into now is about self-love and believing that we are deserving of love. Many of us are in very difficult situations, painful situations, and we continue to stay in them. I describe it in my book as the boiling water, the frogs and the boiling water. The water just slowly, slowly, slowly is getting hotter and hotter and hotter, and you're in the boiling water, and you don't even know that you're killing yourself because you've gotten so used to this high level of discomfort, of struggle, of chaos, of pain. And even though you're getting information that says this doesn't feel good, you continue to stay partially because you have a belief system that says, I deserve this. I created this. Uh, this is this is what I get. I made this bed, I better lay in it. I remember somebody telling a story to me long ago that really impacted me where they were in a terrible relationship, unhappy, unhappy. They knew they were unhappy. And they said, Well, I made this bed, I may as well lay in it. And I remember the time thinking, wow, why would you do that? And there was so many layers, if you look at that person, that was around what they thought they deserved, or what responsibilities they felt for that other person. Now, I've been talking about this car that I just got recently and how it has been an opportunity for me to look at my deservedness. And I recorded a whole other podcast about it yesterday, and I realized I wasn't hitting the pieces that I wanted. And I always love sharing my stories with you because the reflection that you give back is that that helps you see yourself through my stories. Because we are not alone in this, we are in this together. We are all dealing with this not enoughness that's at our essential core of our being that I believe strongly that we're re-invited to look at and to release and let go. But there will be opportunities again and again and again in your life to look at it and to witness it in yourself and to make a different choice. So recently we had a situation in our family where we were going to do a car hand-me down. If you have been listening to the podcast for a while, if you've read the book, if you know the stories of my family, you know that it has been a wild ride with us. I have two older sons, 29 and 27 years old. They now live in California. And my husband and we have been through addiction and dysfunction and the uh chaos that happens from an alcoholic home. My husband and I were both alcoholics, and now we have been in recovery for eight years. And there was a lot of that belief system that you had to earn. You had to earn it. And that there was these levels of hierarchy in terms of, you know, who was being good and being rewarded for being good and um and calling out somebody as the bad person or as the problem. And it was, it was painful and difficult for all of us. Well, as a family system, we have done profound work to shift and change how we interact with each other. And I believe strongly that all it takes is one person in the family system to begin to do the work on their own inner healing and awakening for it to create profound change in everyone in the family around you. And when I made that decision eight years ago to save my own life and to become a recovered, sober human being, but more than that, to step on a spiritual path and to release and change and shift and take in all that stuff that I have been cramming into my head for all those years and move it into my heart and to actually live and demonstrate what those principles are, right? It's like the answers are all around us, but we won't actually live them. We just stay in that boiling water. So, this whole idea that we would do a family car hand-me down that benefited everybody and was just to benefit everyone, and no one had to work for it, was incredibly healing for our family. And it was hard for me because at the top of the pile, it meant I was gonna get a newer vehicle. You know, every time I get a newer vehicle, I feel that part of me, that little girl who who didn't think she was gonna get a car when she was getting her license and was terrified the whole time that it was gonna get taken back. And throughout all of our years with the kids, it was like always this um this juggle of vehicles and having the vehicles that were safe and right for the kids. And it was always a financial stretch. And and in it, I felt I wasn't deserving. There was still an empty, broken-hearted piece of me that couldn't step into my spiritually grounded self that said, what if I'm resourced? What if I can have? What if it's okay to ask for what you want, not just what you need? And this isn't about wanting on a level that we think, oh, if I have this huge thing, then I'll feel better, I'll be better, I'll be happy. That happiness is fleeting. What we're talking about is a spiritual practice of understanding that we are part of the universe, that we are creators of the universe, and that we are whole and deserving and lovable and loved and enough just in our being. We don't have to earn it. We don't have to deserve it. It doesn't matter what happened before or what anyone has ever told you. This experiment that we are here experiencing as souls is about us coming into the knowing that we are enough already, that we are not separate from, but one with a divine something, whatever that is for you. And so, as we were doing this car exchange, my oldest son had a older Jeddah, and he has a baby. And so it wasn't the kind of car that you really want to drive the baby around. So his fiance's car was what they always drove. And so if she was off in the car and he had the baby, they didn't go anywhere. So I wanted to give him a car that he could drive his baby around in. And my my the Jetta was going to go to my younger son, who has a very nice truck, which if you live in California, you know gas is between six and eight dollars a gallon and it's very expensive to drive. So he wanted a little runaround car. So we had this idea that everybody would get a step down in this vehicle, and then I would get um a newer car. And I watched myself have this opportunity, this gift to reflect on and to witness and to see the younger little parts of me that really struggle with accepting, with being the one that's gonna receive. I will give and give and give and give. I will love and love and love and love. But receiving, receiving anything sometimes is very hard for me because it's a protective mechanism around being afraid I'm gonna get hurt or be rejected, or that ultimately I'm not worthy, I'm not enough. So to have my husband, who, you know, if you listen to the podcast for any period of time, you know we have been through it, who at different times in our lives was not as generous with me. But I have been generous with him to have, I always joke, he's the expense of the one in the family. If you want to surfboard and we can afford it, have it. Because I would rather he has it and he's happy because if he's happy, I can be happy, right? So this work that we're doing in our soul journey is not about anybody being better or more deserving than anyone else. It's actually about taking all that off the table. It's about us recognizing that there is enough for everyone. There is enough for everyone. You know, I worked at a company and the uh woman who ran it on payday, she would be stamping the checks, and she would just be giddy with excitement that she got to stamp these checks because she couldn't wait to have her employees be able to receive. And I remember at that time being in a place where I wasn't, I was still in a lot of lack and a lot of fear. And she would say, There's enough for everyone. And isn't it fun that we get to share? And I remember that being very impactful that you can decide there's enough for everyone, or you can decide that you're gonna live in that belief system, that fearful belief system, that there's only enough for one person, that Rich gets what he wants, but I don't get what I want. So as it was time to shop for a car, I found myself affronted with my fear of asking for and wanting what I really wanted. Can I want what I really want? Do I deserve that? And the truth is that I go all the way down into the fear of not having enough money, of what people will think of me, of what um, you know, will my business survive? Will Rich enjoy the work that he's doing? What will happen? I mean, we go into catastrophe so easily. And it isn't about being um flippant with your money or with your resources.

Updating The Lack Belief System

Rev Rachel Harrison 24:00

And just thinking, oh, the universe will, you know, provide. And so I'm just going to do these things that probably may not be good choices. It's about really looking at and feeling from your heart and recognizing that you can have what you need and what you want, especially from your most grounded, resourced place, because it is very likely in those moments when you're in your most clear space that it is spirit who is actually speaking to and through you. The secret, which was that movie 20 years ago, talked about manifestation in ways that was brand new and brought it to a larger audience, but it made it sound like you speak what you want to the universe. And when I studied to be a metaphysical minister, Dr. Masters, who led that program, I loved that he said, when you have a strong, strong intuition, when you have one of those knowings, what if it's actually the universe speaking to you? What if it's actually your soul and your higher self moving through that noise to give you the information that is of your soul's journey, of your most elevated space? So this idea that I could have a vehicle that was what my dream was felt so out there, felt like way too much. But in my mind, I had this larger vehicle that was hybrid, that could be a plug-in, that had a white interior, that had the big sunroof, that had the heated seats. I mean, every time that I've ever gotten a car, I've lifted it up just like, well, next time I want heated seats or next time I want to have cruise control. You know, I worked on this deservedness within myself. And so when Rich and I went car shopping, and we went and I asked, I said, Well, my ideal car would be a Mazda CX90 P E B plug-in. And he said, Oh, we got a couple of those on the lot. As a matter of fact, we have one that we almost never get one like this. I want to show it to you. We go, it is a white interior, three rows of seats, 12,000 miles, unbelievable price. Like, whoo, way lower, lower than I'm not sure why. But anyway, it was for me. And we got in that car and Rich said, This car is for you, honey. I want you to have this car. And that was a big moment where I had to receive. And I was so grateful on that day. And then it was interesting for the next week. I spent a lot of time being curious about whether I deserved this car. I was watching that younger self saying, is it okay for me to have this? And Rich was excited for me to have something that I just loved so much. And every time I get in this vehicle, I think how grateful I am that I was blessed to be able to have the universe send me to the dealership on the exact day to get it at a price that I could afford, to have it be the exact car that I had in my mind, that maybe spirit was giving me that. And that that gave my son a vehicle that is perfect for his family, that is the nicest car he's ever had. I mean, it was the nicest car I ever had six years ago. And then our other son has a vehicle that allows him to save a lot of money on gas and is benefits everyone. There's enough for everyone. But the most important part is that you believe that there's enough for you. That you believe there's enough for you. We have been living in lack and fear for so long. And I believe so strongly that we're being invited right now to shift how we see it. Now, I know the people in my community, and I just got a guidance that you're saying, yeah, that's nice for me, but what about the people in my life who are struggling? Most of the people who are in this community are struggling because there's somebody in their life who has addiction or has mental illness or is having their own souls suffering. And sometimes we feel like, how can I be happy if they're not happy? How can I have if they're having a hard time? I have people that I work with who have children who are really adult children who are really, really making difficult and painful choices. This work that we're doing is about us loving ourselves enough and then being able to unconditionally love someone else enough to know that they too are making the choices within their experience that are their soul's choices to have. And the more that we are in this entanglement where we think that it all has to be even, the more that we lose our ability to make the choices that are aligned for our wholeness and for our soul's hero's journey, they too need to make their own choices for their soul's hero's journey. Now, we've been at different phases in our family. And even just a couple of years ago, this car thing would have not done what it did. But it's because each person has done the work. And even in that, in my handing this hand me down over to everyone, I had to put my I'm powerless over anything, what that's happening with them and what they think about it and how they're going to deal with it. And and really unconditionally love them and give these gifts without ties. Because the more that we believe that we are enough, that there is enough, it allows them to potentially make that choice for themselves, but it's a choice they have to make. And it is painful to watch people not make those choices, but it's their journey, just like it's your soul's journey. So every time I get in my car, I feel like it's a gift from the universe to remind me that my life is what I choose for it to be, and that my work is to continue to receive love. It's to continue to receive and believe that I am enough. And even though I've done so much deep work and I do so much work with others, both in coaching and in our groups and retreats, and we're still gonna be working this to the day that we take our last breath. Because our souls are here to expand and to learn through contrast, through these old perceptions, through these old limiting beliefs that you cannot change the past, but you can change how it feels inside of you and how you relate to it in your current experience. And there's so much that is being revealed to be healed, and our healing heals the world. So where in your life are you potentially working on your own deservedness? Where in your life are you having a reflection that you need somebody else to be a certain way or to have for you to be willing to accept? We are learning to take our power back, which means that we are letting everyone else be in their own experience and not needing them to be a certain way for us to be safe, for us to be whole, for us to have enough. And when we allow it, when we allow our higher self, our soul self, and our connection to something greater still to come online and really fill us up and remind us that we are not separate from, but one with the love of the universe, we will accept the love that we are. And in that, you can want and have from a place that is this deep giving of the universe. But you have to love yourself first. I'm so grateful for this community and the gifts that you give me in allowing me to even process and share these stories with you as part of our connection with each other. I'm so grateful that you are interested in what I have to say and I'm honored to be part of your life. We're in this together, and we are learning how to be okay, how to love ourselves, how to receive, how to receive. And through that, that will change the world. Until next time, Namaste. If something that you just heard resonated with you, I want you to know there's a whole community waiting for you. The recovery soul process is a spiritual path to a happy and healthy life, and there's many ways to walk it together. Start with the free mini workbook at recoveryousoul.net. It's a beautiful first step. You can join us for the free monthly support group on the first Monday of every month. And if you're ready to go deeper and work the nine steps, you can join the self-study collective or a soul circle or come to one of our in-person retreats or workshops. And if you want to work with me personally one-on-one, coaching is available. You can also find bonus episodes on Patreon, Apple Podcasts, and I'm on YouTube with new videos. And grab your copy of the new Recover Your Soul Spiritual Memoir. It is a spiritual journey of healing from addiction, codependency, and people pleasing available on Amazon, and it's our journey of healing through this process. You can follow me on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, and all of it is recover your soul. Just remember you're not alone in this. Together, we can do the work that will recover your soul.