Stop Drinking and Start Living

Ep. #187 Effort and Surrender

October 15, 2022 Mary Wagstaff Season 1 Episode 187
Stop Drinking and Start Living
Ep. #187 Effort and Surrender
Show Notes Transcript

There is a lot of talk about "work life balance". But what dose that really mean?
What if we could life the effort and surrender in everything we do. Work wouldn't have to become a chore, and surrender could be available to us in every moment.
Tune in to explore this concept.
Ease and flow. Effort and surrender. Focus and soften. Inhale and exhale.
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Mary's Interview on 12oz Of Sobriety 
Elena Brower On Glo

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Do you ever feel like you're outgrowing alcohol, that you are longing for a deeper connection to life? If alcohol is keeping you playing small and feels like the one area, you just can't figure out you are in the right place. Hi, my name is Mary Wagstaff. I'm a Holistic alcohol coach who ended a 20 year relationship to alcohol without labels, counting days or ever making excuses. Now I help powerful women just like you eliminate their desire to drink on their own terms. In this podcast, we will explore the revolutionary approach of my proven five shifts process that gets alcohol out of your way by breaking all of the rules and the profound experience that it is to rediscover who you are on the other side of alcohol. I am so thrilled to be your guide. Welcome to your journey of awakening. Welcome back to the show. My beautiful listeners, how are you today? It's a beautiful, sunny fall day here. And yesterday, it had off of school and we had a we used to always have Emma and I, we would call them Friday, Friday field trips. And it was like him and I and on Spotify the release radar. If you don't know about this, I would check it out. The release radar comes out where music from artists is released on Fridays. And so they put together a compilation of you know, people that you've been following so that you can keep up on the latest new music from the people you love. So we'd always play the release radar. But Matthew was able to come with us and we actually met my mother we went to an orchard that's on the other side of Mount Hood in Oregon. This is beautiful orchard. Oddly enough that it's also a brewery in a winery. But they make cider and pizzas. And they have this big steer named Carlos and you can feed him well I met knew that he liked pears better than apple. So if you keep on my Instagram, you'll see a little reel of our fun day in the dahlias and then we went to a harvest. Kind of a harvest festival at another orchard that had all of the fun, fall activities. It is my most favorite time of the year. I truly believe it is the most wonderful time of the year. So if you're not following me over there, Mary Wagstaff coaching is my handle. And I also wanted to let you know if you're new here, welcome. And this week, I'm really excited I'm going to be doing a couple little different about me is like an about me just things that I love some of my favorite things and why. But also a few kind of health recommendations of things that I use for myself. Of course, this is not, you know, like, check with your physician. It's like check with your physician kind of thing. But these are very simple, kind of like home remedies, and some things even just personal beauty regimens as I continued to age and grow that have really supported me. And we'll also be sharing on the show. I thought it would be really fun to to really see how this is a holistic wellness practice, you know that I was thinking about washing my face at night. One of the things that I remember doing with my grandmother when I was little is she would always give me a really warm washcloth at night before I would go to bed. I stayed with her a lot when it was little uneven until I've always stayed with her. And so putting a warm washcloth on your face at night oh my gosh, it's like the best feeling ever. And just letting it sit there for a few breaths. And how that was such a luxury that I had missed that I you know, like a bedtime routine a bedtime beauty routine that I that was alcohol really took away from me there were so many times where I you know, didn't brush my teeth I pass out with all my makeup on and pass out with food like gross in my bed. And you know, so it's this way of just caring for ourselves from from such a high honor. And yeah, I so I was just reminded of that and it's the little things that kind of feel like you're aging backwards and that you start to really love so I also wanted to remind you to because I don't have any expectations of my listeners sometimes you know I'm in this this is my work so I'm constantly in the content creation in my coaching creation in my emails in the podcasts that I it's like it's fills my life but of course it's a very small part of your life Although alcohol I know is a big part. out of your life, but doesn't mean you're thinking about me all the time is I wanted to let you know that I don't think this is obvious to everyone, even though it says it in the show and in the in the outro is that I have a professional coaching practice, that I am a private one on one coach, I have a full schedule of clients, private one on one clients that I see weekly. And there's a whole program that goes along with that, and that is available to you. And it is a powerful, powerful, potent experience to have a coach just like you would have a therapist or a doctor or a personal trainer, someone that's really in the coaching, in in itself, beyond all of the other kind of private modalities that I've had is such a powerful experience because I really see myself as a mentor as well. Because we're not looking at just like, we're shifting the focus from alcohol being the problem to you being the solution. So this is about really awakening to the Divine Feminine to a lot of the creativity and parts of yourself that you haven't been felt safe enough to expose. And so it's these two parts of the genius of our brain, my genius and your genius coming together to help you create this beautiful future for yourself and, and create a life that like you might, you know, really invigorate the beauty of the life that you already have and then start to really step into the sacred the sacredness of your life. And it's so such a such an honor to be able to do this for people and watch their transformation. So I wanted to say that because I have had people come on a consultation call and they don't really realize that or they people think that I just do the podcast. So I Yes, this is what I spent my entire week doing is coaching clients coaching women one on one, and working with them very intimately in their mindset and the mindfulness practices of emotional intimacy and helping them really create a life by design. And it's so amazing it has such an impact on everything their family, their work their business, it ripples out. A lot of times elf work with people whose partners will stop drinking because of it or drink less or you know, there's friends that are inspired by by it. So one favor I would love to ask of you today is if you could please subscribe, or follow if you're listening to Spotify, subscribe to the show and then go ahead and leave a review and leave a comment in the reviews. And then if you could also share this with one friend with one person that you know could use some tools of empowerment even outside of the realm of alcohol because you know we talk about so much more than that. So on with the show, my beautiful teacher Miss Elena Brower who I've never met in person and I hope to meet sometime. She is an essential oils queen, she is a teacher on the platform glow GL o that I've been a member of for almost 10 years. I think if they've been around for that long I've been a member for of glow for a very long time. It's amazing platform as a as a subscription membership for for mostly yoga with amazing teachers. And she is just I'm sure I've talked about her on the show. She's just poetry in motion, and she also has her own alcohol journey. So there's just something about seeing her now. Not that she wasn't exquisite before. But I didn't really know of that before I knew about that. That was her transition after. But anyway, she always has these beautiful themes to her classes, and the one this morning was called effort and surrender. And I really think that this is such a beautiful theme when we're talking about our relationship to alcohol or anything that we want to change. And when we think about balance, right, like it's this constant flow of effort and surrender, and sometimes there's more efforting and sometimes there's more surrender, depending on your own personal cycles and rhythms and depending on what is required, like the conditions, you know, like kind of of the space that you're in. And sometimes we don't have access to make you know, an environment as as suitable as we want to for ourselves. And so there might be a surrender of letting go, letting go to an expectation we once had. And then there's more of an efforting And to decide on our mindset, but beforehand. And so I was while I was practicing, you know, when you do balance poses, you have to focus you have to effer if you let your mind if you let your eyes wander with your mind, you will fall out of balance. So I was looking out the window at like one leaf on a tree, which was my focus, and I'm balancing and then the surrender. So the focus is the effort. And then the surrender is the softening is the inviting the breath. And while you still have a one pointed focus in front of you, and this is such a beautiful metaphor for what we have to do, while we're changing our relationship to alcohol, we have to have that conviction, that determination, that focus, right, the focus on really the result we want, which is emotional freedom, so that we can live into a really beautiful life. But then there is the softening to the resistance, the surrender of what we thought we knew was true. And, you know, I, it's hard, it is a hard thing to say that, wow, this thing that I really held to this, like great esteem is just nothing, it's nothing. And of course, in miracles, they say, like you're struggling, essentially, because you're trying to make meaning out of the meaningless. And there is no meaning to alcohol, right? So because we use it and it overshadows all of the things that do have meaning, all of the things that are miracles innately the abundance of life, it's like we and then like the mind become so attached, and so in the body and addicted, that it's like, we have to be willing to be wrong. And that's so hard for so many people. And I see it, you know, in politics and all of these other places in life where it's like, we want to see what we want to see, we want to see what what represents our beliefs. And if something's contrary to our beliefs, we put up a wall, we put up resistance. And if we're not willing to take a step back to look at a wider picture to look at really like the from the Zen perspective that there is no right or wrong, and it's all a human construct, then we're always going to be struggling, we're always going to be suffering. And it's it's really an option, right? So for one day, when you listen to this, even if it is not necessarily about a specific subject matter, but even your attention, right, I talk about a lot about the how we place our attention with our intention is what's going to save us so much more time, versus like jumping around from thing to thing to thing to thing, right, like you have 10 tabs open on your computer, and you're getting nothing done, versus leaving the phone away focusing and then surrendering to okay, there's this task that I really need to get done. And so I'm going to soften around it, or, you know, permission to let yourself relax. It's like you see your mind pulling you there's these things to do, your body wants to go right because it's it's just the habitual way of it. So you focus your on your body, you focus on conscious relaxation, that being the focal point. And then you surrender to the mind, the mind letting just letting the mind do what it will do and becoming the witness to it. So just play with this concept, this week of of effort and surrender, focus and soften and you can think about the inhale. You find your target, you inhale, find your target, study or gazed at your attention. And then while you're in still with that attention, now you exhale, now you soften. And this is the only way we can get into you know, especially when we're using our body in a physical way. We have to soften we have to surrender. But while we're efforting Oh, I wanted to say this before I get off the show. And I'll leave it in the show notes. I did a podcast interview on a podcast called 12 ounces of sobriety with two very delightful men who are in their recovery journey. And they have a different model. Well, they don't have a model. They went through a traditional recovery 12 STEP program. And it was very delightful to be able to talk with them and they were very open. But I'm curious about I would love for you to listen to it because you can hear me articulate my process in a new way to a different audience. But Also just see, you know, the way that their language that they use around their recovery journey and the language that I use, and it's very, very different. That's really why people are attracted to this approach is because, like, you can label yourself if you want to, but it's not required. And is it useful. So that's kind of up to you. It has never been useful for me. And I frankly feel like it's actually more detrimental. So 12 ounces of sobriety, and there might be something else on the show that you they're really kind of talking about their own recovery journey and having some people on and giving tips and things that they've talked to, but it was delightful. And it would be fun to hear me in a different space. So I will leave that for you. I give you lots of things to think about. I'm so grateful that you're here. And we're going to continue into our 30 Day podcast takeover. And there's going to be some fun surprises that I have for you. I hope you're doing amazing. If you ever have any questions or comments about the show, please let me know. And right now, you can actually click the link in the show notes to schedule a call with me for this week. So go ahead and do it right now and see what's possible for you and your journey of awakening. I'll talk to you soon. Imagine taking the podcast every week to the next level, with achievable goals and an action plan tailored specifically to your needs. Finding personalized support is how you gain control of your destiny. And my private one on one coaching program. Fast Track to freedom from alcohol, you get your own personal cheerleader. That's me every week helping you get clear, stay curious and committed to what matters most versus resigning again and again to your habitual patterns. Every big change starts with one Next Step. Schedule a complimentary call with the link in the show notes or on my website Mary Wagstaff to get a new perspective on an old habit