Stop Drinking and Start Living

Ep. #189 I Should Be Able To Figure This Out On My Own

October 17, 2022 mary Wagstaff Season 1 Episode 189
Stop Drinking and Start Living
Ep. #189 I Should Be Able To Figure This Out On My Own
Show Notes Transcript

Do NOT miss today's episode! You have achieved a lot and logically you get that alcohol isn't working. 
That's the problem. You have to go beyond the logic. Beyond reason to create what is not mirrored to you in everyday life. 
To tap into your wisdom and intuition. 
If you think you should be able to figure alcohol out on your own, this thought it's self is why. 
Today and the show I tell you why and what you can do to go beyond your logical reasoning. 

End alcohol exhaustion now so you can start enjoying your life again.
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Do you ever feel like you're outgrowing alcohol, that you are longing for a deeper connection to life? If alcohol is keeping you playing small and feels like the one area, you just can't figure out you are in the right place. Hi, my name is Mary Wagstaff. I'm a Holistic alcohol coach who ended a 20 year relationship to alcohol without labels, counting days or ever making excuses. Now I help powerful women just like you eliminate their desire to drink on their own terms. In this podcast, we will explore the revolutionary approach of my proven five shifts process that gets alcohol out of your way by breaking all of the rules, and the profound experience that it is to rediscover who you are on the other side of alcohol. I am so thrilled to be your guide. Welcome to your journey of awakening. Hey, hey, welcome back to the show my beautiful listeners, it's a beautiful day out there. And I wanted to say thank you for your attention. Of course, as always see what's showing up for you. There's been a lot of content created here in the last 30 days. Tell me what your biggest takeaways have been even better, leave them as a review on Apple podcasts, that would be amazing. And so there's a link in the show notes, it'll take you right there. And I also wanted to let you know that today is the day enquiries are open for my one on one coaching program. So I'm accepting new clients into the program, there is a inquiry sheet on a page on my website, that I added some new information more about what coaching is, specifically, if you've never had the privilege of being coached, you can go there, it's Mary Wagstaff dot coach slash coaching. But you can just follow the link in the show notes on any page, you know, you can just go to the website, it'll take you there. So go and just read a little bit more about that. You can also email me if you have any questions. But right there, there's a forum for inquiry of accepting new clients. And you can and then it'll take you to prompt you to schedule the call. So we can talk about all of the amazing things that you are ready to do when you get alcohol out of your way. And if we're a good fit, today is going to be a very powerful, powerful episode. So I want you to really listen to this. It's interesting, I had had this, this idea for the show. But then I taught I had a coaching call with a client. And it really reiterated how important this message is. So there's a thought, and she had this thought very much before we started working together, which was, why can't I do it on my own, I should be able to figure this out on my own. Why, you know, all of these questions of like, logically I get it, right, I get the alcohol is not serving me. And you know, you might even understand the the neuroscience behind how the brain works, and behavior and you might even understand coaching principles, right? And the reason that it hasn't worked is one that thought alone, that that inquiry creates an emotion or a feeling of shame that there's a lack that there's a less than which, you know, it's like I'm starting over again. Why am I still here? I can't believe I can't figure this out. Why am I still doing this? I'm just like, this might just be just the way that it is. Right? This kind of resigning to it. And so if you've been listening to the show for long enough that you know that words are vibration, and vibration in our emotions are what drives and fuel our action. So really, that it's immune. It's curious, it's curiosity, but it's curiosity that creates an emotion that's not going to fuel you into inspiration or motivation. So it's just not a useful thought. It's just and it's not even really a curiosity, right? It's, it's just kind of like this rhetorical, habitual thought that you have that just creates, not a great feeling. So I would even say it out loud. Whatever version that is for you, I should be able to figure this on my own or why can't I figure this out? Why am I still here? I logically get it like I'm smart enough, right? And I want you to understand, know that the reason that you can't figure out how to figure it out has nothing to do with your intelligence at all. And what I know about my program very specifically, is we want to think logic, like we understand logically how a habit is formed and that is useful for us to know to kind of have knowledge for knowledge sake. So when we know that we can bring in the emotion of compassion. But to create the impossible, you have to become unreasonable. And logic is all about reason. And our three dimensional world and our normal social constructs, the normalization of alcohol in and of itself isn't very logical. But we think it's logical, because of the social conditioning of it. Right? So if something is if there's if people conform to an ideology, right, alcohol is just an ideology, just like money, just like religion, just like education, right? So anything that's kind of an institutionalized, established belief, and this is the second shift, right? Moving on, from conformity to curiosity. That is, we just take it for face value, we think because everyone else is doing it, then that's just the way that it is. And that's the truth. But that's not just the way it isn't. It's not just the truth, right. So we have to become unreasonable. And what I talked about with my client today was exactly this was that there is this dis alignment, because we're only using the logical part of our experience. And we are not tapping into the innate part of who we are, outside of logic outside of the day to day, everything that we've seen, which, you know, a lot of it's just based on what we need to function, the power over model. And, frankly, it's just like, things just get built based on evolution. And then we have to when things are no longer working, we have to take a stop. And like the science traditional scientific model is to continue to get curious, like, once you stop questioning things, you have stopped using science. So yeah, maybe it once did work, but it's not anymore. And what she had expressed to me was that she was missing the piece of wisdom. And that's really the journey of awakening, that is what I offer, that changing your relationship to alcohol actually isn't logical. It's the opposite of that. It's unreasonable. And my coach tells me this says this all the time, to create the impossible, we have to become unreasonable. And that's how any great person has created any amazing new thing you see, you think about someone like Elon Musk, or Steve Jobs, or people that are doing the impossible, they are being unreasonable, they are thinking outside of the logic outside of reason. And how do we do that? Well, we go into our imagination, we go into our intuition, we go into our wisdom, but right now you don't have access to that because a the chemical of alcohol and be your beliefs, and maybe see the dissociation of being in relationship to your emotional self. So when we only want to base are changing, and this is really the beauty of coaching, as a modality as a spiritual tool. I mean, frankly, coaching is a spiritual tool, is we have to go beyond logic, we have to go beyond reason, we have to go beyond what we have seen existing, and kind of go backwards, go back to the innate essence of who we are. And really the truth is, how can you expect yourself to, to figure something out on your own, if you've never learned it? This specific model literally isn't taught anywhere else, that we use the innate wisdom of the feminine of the emotional self, that is, in essence, what makes us human, to change our relationship to alcohol, right. So it's, so there's a specific belief structure to about that question of, I should be able to learn this on my own is based on your perception of what you think it means to need outside support, right, because we've only really been conditioned to believe and if you listen to the podcast I did talking about Andrew Huberman that will kind of clue you into this is like we've conditioned been conditioned to believe that if I ask for support for this, then there's this other ring, right? And because we've been sold the story of the alcoholic and the AAA model and recovery and having to put up this label and declare yourself, as, you know, something that's not quote unquote, normal, when the new paradigm shift that I'm presenting to you and that I live by and all my clients live by, is this is just the next obvious phase in your personal evolution, your next leveling. So it's like, I should be able to figure this on my own, because I'm not that, right. But like, what is that? Right? Like, what is even normal drinking mean? I mean, it doesn't. In my opinion, it doesn't make sense at all. But it doesn't really matter what anyone else is doing. So but but it's, but that is a belief in there also, that you're examining, and I was talking to my client about this as well, we see it in so many institutionalized models, that if I, if I can't fit in, then I'm wrong, right. But this is like the beautiful power power of coaching and entrepreneurship to is, I don't have to, I can be successful without falling into that model. And we were talking a little bit about the education system, and my son, and my stepson who's an a senior now, I saw and I learned a lot from watching him go through his own process with school, like, he's brilliant. He is a, he's an engineer, he's, he has been working with his dad, you know, on the construction site for since he was a little boy. And he didn't thrive in a traditional school model. He wanted to be up and using his hands and working around and he just, he had got a job this summer, working at this, like amazing company, who does, who builds custom, you know, electronic systems, for other companies and their products. And someone told him the I think the employer said that he gets the same amount of work done at 17, that two of his employees get done. And, you know, I saw him go through so much shame, and so much feeling of judgment. And even the way that we had approached it at that time. You know, it was like, You got to be like, you're not being good, right. And it's just such BS. And in, like, in retrospect, now, and seeing Emma is very similar, where he just has energy, he just wants to play, he just wants to be social. And it's like, nope, but you have to sit down. And, you know, what we know about the schools, the traditional school system is that that model works for about 12% of learners. And so anyone else that's not that right goes into a special needs, or they have ADHD, or they're labeled, or they're something other because they're an other ring from the status quo from the norm. But like, who gets to set that standard? Right, some other human decided that that's what needed to work for them to produce consumers and, and workers, right, consumers and producers, right to fall in line. But it doesn't help create an individual that lives and thinks into possibility that thinks outside of logic that thinks unreasonable, and then they take the play out of it, right. And so no wonder this is our option as adults to think logic to be to be reasonable to fall into the norm of the status quo, we see it start from the time that we enter into our school system. Right? So and of course, we don't need to blame anyone, everyone's just doing the best they knew know how, but we just have to accept that we are a human that is constantly evolving. And we see that our institutions are not evolving as quickly as the human is. And that's why coaching is so powerful. And you can even look at you know, therapy therapy, probably, I don't even know 1020 years ago was like taboo was like you only people like to get lobotomies went to a mental health person, maybe more than 20 years ago, but it wasn't it wasn't a welcomed thing. And now everyone has a therapist. And so therapy is seen more as something as something that is not now normalized. So all I want you to do is really think about the logical approach and how we're even going beyond like, you don't need to wait for someone to give you permission for you to tap into your own knowing Is that the logical way isn't, it is always hard to find examples, or metaphors of what this looks like in life, because there aren't many other things that have both the social implications, but then also the external, kind of, you know, chemical addictive qualities like alcohol does. But if you think about trying to learn anything on your own, or say create the impossible outside of logic, like if you think about, you know, those examples that I gave, like, say, Steve Jobs, he has these ideas guy, right, but like, he then had to have a whole team of people to brainstorm with to mastermind, we had to create, and be on board, right with that process to help him bring his ideas to life on fire, because of all of the things that he wasn't great at. And, you know, it's like, when we try to do anything on our own, that we've never done, that actually has a process of learning and unlearning, especially one that is outside of the status quo that is outside of the mainstream does outside of the norm. And even what I teach that is even more outside. I mean, there's there are alternative models, we know that to AAA and 12 step recovery system, but the the essence of of connecting to, to the innate wisdom that is not mirrored in our culture, which is actually the tipping point for what's flips, the switch for people is the has the biggest impact in my program. I mean, I've been working with people that have been wanting to change their relationship to alcohol for over 30 years have tried every other program. And this is the one that worked. And it's so mind blowing to see that it is tapping into that essence of wisdom that is offered in the materials and in the process of understanding our emotional intelligence, our emotional intimacy that I teach, that has the biggest impact, because that is what changed it for me. And I didn't have a coach that was specifically working on alcohol. But I did have other people I was working with, I had my spiritual mentor. I just happened to have these other tools of mindfulness and mindset, and resilience and coping that helped me make the soap full system together. Right. But I may still be chomping at the bit had it not been for my investment to learning a new way, right? When I when I saw my teacher that I didn't know was my teacher at the time when I met her. And she was talking about the priestess path and the divine feminine mysteries. It was like the gates to heaven open and like the angels were singing, and I saw this path laid out in front of me. That was so obviously what was calling me home, what was the missing pieces of all of it. And so what it's been the interweaving of these systems of the coaching modality, of mindset and mindfulness and neuroscience, and embodiment, right, using the intellect of the mind and the wisdom of the body combined, that makes the biggest impact. And so of course, you can't figure it out on your own because it doesn't exist. I mean, it exists in nature, right? But we've been, we're so far away from it, but it's all starting to come back. It's all starting to resurface. And we see it in the invitation of Sister Circles and, you know, lunar wisdom, and it's not about the woowoo at all. I mean, this is about our, our, the essence of who we are, this is about our own cycles of nature. So you know, if there if there is something about that, that makes you feel a little uncomfortable, it's just because it's new, and it's because it's been intentionally shamed out of our understanding of who we are as powerful, powerful creators. Right, that that deep the wisdom of the feminine mysteries is so powerful that it was intentionally extracted from I'm the main stream. And this has been happening for 2000 years. And I'll say this as a closing note, I think the other thing that really haunts people that they can't figure out on their own, that also ties into the wisdom is kind of this feeling of angst of what what the future holds, right? Like all of these unanswered questions of how long will it take? How will I always want it am I always going to be in deprivation. And these are questions that feel really confusing, that you're not sure how to navigate through. But that future have kind of like that open void, that even even if it feels like infinite possibilities, can feel really overwhelming. And you might not know what your desires are, right, you might not know what you really want, because you've been filling up all of your free time, with inhibiting your thinking inhibiting your unmet desires. And that's the other beautiful piece that I get to explore with my clients. And when you unlock all of this emotional energy that's been laying dormant in your body, and covered up by stagnant energy and repressed emotion, you unlock the answer to all of those questions, right? But it's not until then or before then. And you unlock what will fill that void. So that kind of confusion of what is the future, right, which is, you know, uncertainty becoming comfortable with uncertainty just like resistance, but But you do learn how to gain control where you can. So regardless of what is out of your control, you're confident that no matter what, it's going to be okay, that things are going to be exciting that you've got this right. And so it's building that confidence that whatever possibility arises, and I'm going to be able to control the outcome of that, of how of the impact that it has on my life, using my mind using my connection to myself, share this episode with someone. This is a very, very powerful and important message that I really want you to think about deeply. It is profound, it is prolific it is what will change your life and the life, the future generations what we're teaching our young women about their own cycles and rhythms and relating to themselves, and how to tap into that deep self trust and their deep knowing without inhibiting it. Right. So this is what I work with, we go through a rite of passage where you are stepping into the next phase of your life fully embodied in every way you show up, not invalidating, Dating Yourself not dissociating from who you naturally are. And that is going to have the biggest impact of all to make a life that is unreasonable because I don't want a reasonable life. I want it to be unreasonable. And it's always been unreasonable. I want everyone to look at me and say like that woman lives her life. I don't want to live a logical life. I want to go be aand and I want to invite you to come with me. So head right now. Don't waste one more second. over to my website, Mary Wagstaff And you can find the link in the show notes to read more about one on one coaching and inquire about what's possible for you have an amazing day. Imagine taking the podcast every week to the next level with achievable goals and an action plan tailored specifically to your needs. Finding personalized support is how you gain control of your destiny. And my private one on one coaching program. Fast Track to freedom from alcohol, you get your own personal cheerleader. That's me every week helping you get clear, stay curious and committed to what matters most versus resigning again and again to your habitual patterns. Every big change starts with one Next Step. Schedule a complimentary call with the link in the show notes or on my website Mary Wagstaff to get a new perspective on an old habit