Stop Drinking and Start Living

Ep. #191 I can't handle it

October 19, 2022 Mary Wagstaff Season 1 Episode 191
Stop Drinking and Start Living
Ep. #191 I can't handle it
Show Notes Transcript

How often do you say some version of "I can't handle it"? But do?
What would someone who loves themselves do?
Where does the habit of alcohol having you lying about what you are cable of?
Alcohol will validate every negative statement you have about your self and reinforce it. 
I can't handle it. 
It's too hard. 
I'm so overwhelmed. 
It's too stressful. 
I'm too tired. 
I'm boring. 
It's not enough. 
Are these even true? Where do you have evidence to the contrary of these belifes?
Do you handle it?
How does it feel different to say, I do have this. 
I've just did that.
Join me today to explore this topic more and how it's a sublet sabotage to your success.  

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Do you ever feel like you're outgrowing alcohol, that you are longing for a deeper connection to life? If alcohol is keeping you playing small and feels like the one area, you just can't figure out you are in the right place. Hi, my name is Mary Wagstaff. I'm a Holistic alcohol coach who ended a 20 year relationship to alcohol without labels, counting days or ever making excuses. Now I help powerful women just like you eliminate their desire to drink on their own terms. In this podcast, we will explore the revolutionary approach of my proven five shifts process that gets alcohol out of your way by breaking all of the rules, and the profound experience that it is to rediscover who you are on the other side of alcohol. I am so thrilled to be your guide. Welcome to your journey of awakening. Welcome back to the show my beautiful listeners, the countdown is on. If you've been listening in real time, we are ending getting at the tail end of the 30 day Podcast Take over oh my gosh, I do feel a little bit like running a marathon. It's been so much fun, it's been so much fun to be able to be creative, diversify, and say whatever the heck I want and be able to give you kind of in real time. What's coming through with my clients, what's coming through with me. You know, we we learn lessons cyclically, they in spirals, it's like, from different angles. So it doesn't necessarily go away. But your your ability for resilience becomes stronger. And so the time that something might throw you off of your course, like for example, if if you're doing really, really great, this just happened with one of my clients feeling really great about not drinking, it's amazing. And then you kind of stopped doing all the stuff that got you to that place. And then you have an episode of drinking, that could throw you into you know, back on to a cycle of feeling shameful, feeling depressed, whatever. And then the cycle of the action perpetuates, because your your thoughts and your emotions go down with it. And that's what I find through mindfulness and mindset and holistic alcohol coaching is that that's really not available. It's like we just get back, we just pick ourselves back up and get back on like, because nothing's gone wrong, right not to say that normal feelings of disappointment aren't there. But we can look at those, normalize them, talk about them and get back on track, the same thing happens for me, right? Like something can happen in my business or in my family life, or I'm disappointed. But in setting it lasts like even an hour, right? It's like I allow myself to feel that natural human emotion. First understand what maybe the thoughts are, so that I can clean those up. And what I can do differently next time. And this is the power of coaching. So so powerful power of mindset, this is the power of mindfulness. And this morning, I pulled an Oracle Card for myself. And we kind of leave them by where I do my morning practice so that they can pick up on my vibration. This one deck in particular is called the frequency deck. And it's very, very powerful. And the question that it asked myself, and I think it's very potent, it was a it was the self love card, and it was reversed. And it said, the end the question, the inquiry was, What would someone who loves themselves do? And was like, okay, yeah. And the answer for me was, you know, really honoring my schedule, really honoring my downtime and really celebrating my wins, right? Like not like real recognizing everything I do has value. And I think that's probably one of my shadow thoughts is that, you know, something was a waste, and it's just not useful. And I don't believe that about anyone. So why would I believe that about myself? So that is kind of the question I want to pose for this episode is what would what would someone who loves themselves do when you're choosing about alcohol, right? And a way we can look at this is through one of the episodes I did during this 30 Day takeover was what we say to ourselves when we're by ourselves, right? So that those stories that we tell ourselves on repeat, and one of the things I find that alcohol really validates it validates this thought and then it invalidates our ability to be badass badass is and like the work you actually do. So first, recognize where you have some fun version of this thought, I know that I have this, I just can't handle it right? And I keep telling myself this story and like specific areas, or I get so overwhelmed, or it's too much some version of that. So think about where you might have that in your life. And then what is the reality? Like? Can you not really handle it? Do you? Do you check out? Do you? Do you hide? Do you not show up? Do you just like, throw your arms up in the air and leave all of the work where it was? Right? So say you're at work? Do you just walk away, if your kids are freaking out? Do you just get in the car and run away? Now this could happen from time to time, right? But the reality is, is the the story that you're telling yourself, for most people, that's not happening, you're getting it done. And then at the end of it, because that emotion has been so compounded. And you keep telling yourself that that is the excuse, that is the reason to validate the drinking, right, the alcohol is coming back and telling you yo, of course you can't handle it, here's a drink, right? And it's like, screw that I just did handle it, right. So really looking at the facts of what you are doing. So it's not that you can't handle it, because you are you're taking care of it. It's the story that you're telling yourself. Right? It's the it's the perpetual, not validating, not celebrating. And that story though, that vibration of the circumstance of, you know, the, the things that piled up that created overwhelm. And like, our lives are full, like my life is so full. Right now I, I was just thinking about this, I'm like, because I live in a rural location, the time I would spend going to school, I do all of my physical movement practice at home, I have like a little home gym, when I would love to go to the gym. And I don't have a yoga studio here. And I'd love to go to yoga studio, but the where it is, I'm like that time I don't like it. And that's just a thought, like, I can create the time, but I don't want to. And I'm like that is like I don't have that time in my schedule to just be driving. So for me, I don't want to use that for driving, I'd rather be at home doing something different, or like using it in an actual movement practice. So our lives are very full. And that's normal to have normal human emotion to when when unexpected things happen. And it throws off our schedule, it throws off our plan, it throws off our expectation. But it's not the stress itself, or the overwhelm itself. That's the actual problem. It's a the story, you're telling yourself that you can't handle it. And how then you do handle the stress, right, the emotional part of it, because physically you're taking care of it, you you find those reserves to take care of. And, you know, one of the things is humans and I may have said this recently, I heard Teal Swan talking about this. One of the things that we do as humans our purpose here is to find meaning to make meaning. And if we don't have a certain level of stress in our life, we are ungrounded like that order of things is necessary to to balance the kind of just chaos that happens of life, right. And unless you're really, really in the practice of mindfulness and in the surrender practice, then I don't I think that even people that are in the surrender practice, like not having anything on your agenda can feel a little ungrounded it's like they've studied this with dogs. If dogs don't have a job to do, they get depressed and they get bored. Right. And that could be anything like there's no rules about what that looks like for you. So where are you? Where are you downplaying what you're actually doing? And if you can take that mindset of WoW, right so you shift that thought and that thought creates a new vibration. Instead of oh my god, I can't handle this. I just got so I'm like, It's too much. And then you go have a drink versus Wow, look at what I just got done today. Oh my gosh, I'm amazing. I'm gonna go put my feet up. Right. That's a completely different vibration. And then you can come back to that question, What would someone who loves themselves do, they would celebrate their accomplishments. And then they would allow themselves to deserve something that matched that accomplishment in the frequency, right? Not took away from it. I really, really want you to think about this. Because this is the power of what mindset shifting is all about. It's not about ignoring and interrupting, we have a negative emotion to just get rid of that negative emotion. Like when we feel triggered, we get rid of that negative emotion. And we want to replace it with a positive one. No, it's about recognizing why we're having that negative emotion. How we can allow ourselves to reset our nervous system by allowing it by processing it by being with it, and then recognizing that we're treating ourselves worse than we would ever allow anyone to treat us. So today, I want you to give yourself props for all the amazing stuff. And remember that the laundry is always going to be there. Nothing's gone wrong. life's gonna keep coming at you. It's never going to be a perfect time to to start to inquire about alcohol. Right, and you are doing that right now. But what is it was just learning a new way. Right? What if you're like, Hmm, I want to be like to learn a new way. What would it be like to let to to decompress at the end of the day in a different way, in a way that really showed myself I loved myself in a way that really honored all of that work that I did, what would that look like? And go from there. I would love to absolutely love to know how this works for you. If you have any feedback about the 30 day podcast takeover that has really impacted your life, your takeaways, your new awarenesses please please leave it in the Apple podcast review section. And you can also email me Mary at Mary Wagstaff and I will get back to you and I can even read your inquiry and if you want to anonymously on the show, have an amazing day and I will talk to you soon. Imagine taking the podcast every week to the next level with achievable goals and an action plan tailored specifically to your needs. Finding personalized support is how you gain control of your destiny. In my private one on one coaching program, fast track to freedom from alcohol, you get your own personal cheerleader. That's me every week helping you get clear, stay curious and committed to what matters most versus resigning again and again to your habitual patterns. Every big change starts with one Next Step. Schedule a complimentary call with the link in the show notes or on my website Mary Wagstaff to get a new perspective on an old habit