Stop Drinking and Start Living

Ep. #193 Focusing On Failure

October 21, 2022 Mary Wagstaff Season 1 Episode 193
Stop Drinking and Start Living
Ep. #193 Focusing On Failure
Show Notes Transcript

How much time do you spend while you are trying to not drink focusing on failing?
What if you had a bunch of wins, days that you didn't drink and you knew exactly WHY and you focused on what was working instead?
How would that be a game changer? Find out on today's show!
Don't forget to email me what you want to know more about for the next podcast!
Thank you for being an amazing part of my circle. 

I love you.

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Do you ever feel like you're outgrowing alcohol, that you are longing for a deeper connection to life? If alcohol is keeping you playing small and feels like the one area, you just can't figure out you are in the right place. Hi, my name is Mary Wagstaff. I'm a Holistic alcohol coach who ended a 20 year relationship to alcohol without labels, counting days or ever making excuses. Now I help powerful women just like you eliminate their desire to drink on their own terms. In this podcast, we will explore the revolutionary approach of my proven five shifts process that gets alcohol out of your way by breaking all of the rules and the profound experience that it is to rediscover who you are on the other side of alcohol. I am so thrilled to be your guide. Welcome to your journey of awakening. Welcome back to the show. My beautiful listeners. This is it. This is the final episode of the 30 day pod cast. Takeover. It's just been thinking about taking over my own podcast. Thanks for hanging out with me. Are you loving this? Are you growing? Is your awareness growing? Have you learned so much? Are you ready? Are you inspired? You're nodding your heads. I want to know what is missing for you. What else do you need to know I've been thinking about so many ideas since I started this that like I could just probably keep going. But physically and mentally and to honor my schedule. If I was just a podcaster, and I did them clients, I could just do this every day and have a daily show. And I think that someday, I've always thought that having an advice column or a writing in show would be so much fun. So I would absolutely love to have your questions What is missing for you, I was going to do an episode about my favorite things. Just some kind of like health care regimen type of things that I use, but I don't want that to be the last episode. But I did want to emphasize a couple of things. When you're going through the beginning phases of changing your relationship to alcohol, it's going to be different one, just know that right? I mean, you've been taking a drug every day, they like you for taking a mind altering substance every day, reality is gonna be a little different. But you're gonna you're our body of the human body is so amazing, you're gonna get back to stasis. And with the process that I teach the mindset and the mindfulness, you're going to detox even quicker, you're gonna come online, you're going to awaken to parts of you that you didn't even know were possible, because we talk about so much of you know, like stepping neuro talked about it on the astrology forecast about stepping outside of that box, that there's all of these other ways to live, that you have access to that you don't need permission to, you just get to live them. And we explore all of those options outside of kind of our institutionalized conditioning and this isn't, you know, harming anyone or shaming anyone or doing anything like that. It's just that we are awakening to all these all these ways that we don't have to just go, there's not that our progression into our potential isn't linear. And in fact, to really fulfill our potential to really step into greatness to really blow our mind to really live our dreams, we we have to step outside of the box, we have to step outside of the status quo. Or, you know, we'll probably be unsatisfied and, and just really learning that our rules are subjective interpretations of the world that rules there is literally no such thing as right or wrong. You don't have to be perfect. You don't have to be a good girl to you know, change your relationship to alcohol to to find a new way. So what I wanted to talk about today was not letting your fear of your past attempts stop you from continuing this shows up and it's so normal that there's this fear of like I know I'm gonna screw it up. I just know myself. Is this really it? Could this really work? And that thought is just as habitual as it's the thought of self sabotage. Like you're just waiting for the other shoe you to draw up. And it becomes just as habitual as the drinking. So it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. And when you learn how to have a new relationship with yourself, and how to validate that concern, and how to understand that concern and be with that emotions, and instead of avoiding discomfort, you allow it, you're aware of it, you lean into it, it changes everything. And you realize that a thought is just a thought like an object sitting on your desk, like the phone that you're holding, or a pen that you hold, when you write or your cup of coffee in your hand, a thought is just an object. And so when you see it, you know, it's in there. And when you know, it's in there, and you say it out loud, and we talk about it. Now, it doesn't have as much power. So I would love for you to write down, what version of that is available for you. What is your fear, really about failure? Right, because none of those are facts. And it's like, it's different. For everyone else. It's easy, it's available to them, I'm not capable of that. Now, even if that was true, is it a useful thought? So what we do is we create now, okay, it's like, okay, I have that thought that thought makes me feel fearful. Okay, let's validate it, let's feel it, let's understand it. But since we know that that's an interpretation based on the past, and your, your future isn't defined, yet, no one knows what their future is. But we can influence it, or we can influence it. And we can also, we can also have a new relationship with failure. I really even hate to use failure in my program at all, but it's just the word that we've used. So when we talk about, like, if you haven't been drinking, and then you do this idea of failing forward, and into me, it's like, let's redefine failure as the proof that you're actually just doing something different that you're actually trying like, to me, like, I want to fail as many times as I can, because that means I know that I'm doing something like you can't make the shot. If you never try, right, so. So become clear about what that thought is for you, and how that makes you feel scared, fearful, not confident. And then get into that vibration. Because yeah, you have tried many times, and it's heartbreaking, and it's upsetting. And then you drink again, because of those emotions. But that thought isn't going to help you. When you are learning a new process, and giving yourself a chance for a new way to work, right, a new way that's built around emotional intelligence and observation and awareness. And really shifting your mindset into the woman that you are becoming, developing yourself. Right, like really meeting yourself for the first time that you're moving on. And that thought is, you know, that loop that you stay in that you're in that row with that same frequency of alcohol, that's part of it. And having knowledge for knowledge sake, it's just knowing this is a biological thing. The habit comes with a whole bunch of thoughts that keep you stuck. But if you know it, and you see it, you can think well, I get to choose that or not choose that. Right? Like that's up to me whether or not I want to jump on board with that. So we know that thoughts there, we we acknowledge it, we validate it, you process it, and then is finding the new thought, right, that's going to inspire you. Well, I can learn something new. I can practice a new way. I can inquire about my thinking. I know I have a body. I know I can be curious. I have words, I've been kind to other people before so I can have words that can be kind to myself. I can at least be here to show up. So if you were to choose love, or compassion or curiosity, what would you replace that with what is the opposite of that fearful thought that it's not going to work? And what happens when we when we evaluate and there's a kind One ability with with this process is that we really, really focus on what is working. Okay. So say you have all of these days where you didn't drink, and then you do drink and you're just focused on that. While we can find out what exactly what down what you didn't do what, but we want to look at, okay, well, what are all those times that you did didn't drink? And what did you do there? And so we focus on that. And then it's like, okay, well, how can we apply that what you did there, to the next time in this other specific circumstance, right, because each circumstance is going to have its own flavor each day is going to have its own flavor. But we can continue to apply the same tools and principles, and just see that the only difference is the vibration that the specific thought gave us, right. So there's going to be different thoughts about what it means about you that you're not drinking when you go out to dinner, or you're not drinking with your family, or that you have a stressful day, or when you're by yourself, right. So just know that knowledge for knowledge sake, this is completely normal, it's very normal, that people have this fear, when you have failed at something again, and again. And again, and especially when you've tried with your best intention, and it's something that's really important for you, and you're thinking that you're never going to change, and then you decide that you're not that, that it's not that big of a deal, because you're still functioning, but you're still not getting the results you want. It's like don't settle for that those thoughts are just part of the habit, they're just part of your brain wanting to stay the same, because the brains job is to be efficient, to not change, so it doesn't have to use more energy. Okay, and that's why it's so exhausted right now. Because all you're thinking about is drinking and all you're thinking about is quitting, but you're not focused on, you're not thinking about the solutions, what the real solutions are, you're just going around and around in your brain confused and stuck. But when you take away all of the rules, right, and the counting the days and the counting the drinking, and the in the focusing on missing out, and you unlearn alcohol, you will no longer want it. So we end the alcohol exhaustion by giving the brain a answer to all of those problems, all of those things that are taking up your mind creating that alcohol exhaustion. And when you know how to say, no to a drink without hesitation, because you've created an actionable plan ahead of time, you're going to be proud of making the change, that you're becoming the best version of yourself. So you're going to be focused on that, right, you're going to trust yourself to keep focused on what's working versus worrying about that you're going to fail again, which is going to mean you're going to avoid that self sabotage because you're going to be talking about it's not just going to be lurking around in the shadows. And we do that by busting through resistance of all of the times that you've given up in the past. So when you've had those moments of self sabotage, and when you've had those moments of worrying that you're going to fail again, so you just quit on yourself beforehand. We get you over and through that resistance so that you make those breakthroughs that change the cycle in an instant. Right. And as soon as you do that one time, you've now just done something different. Because so many women are actually eliminating their desire to drink here in the program. It is one of the only programs that's really support you before, during and after the process to helping you build that amazing life where alcohol just becomes like a moot point. And you create a life so good without alcohol that you just have no reason or desire to live any other way. And that's just what we do around here. The best part is that I will teach you how to say no without the fear of missing out and how to how to stop saying screw it when you on the weekends and really compromising the commitment that you've made to your self. So figure out what that thought is for you. Embrace it, confront it, talk about it, talk about it before it shows up. Know it know that the fear is normal that it's a biological thing, your thoughts and all of your actions and drinking are all, they're all part of one circuit in your brain, one little cluster, and then decide on what is the opposite of that. Right? Instead of focusing on failing again, I'm going to try a new way, that's my favorite thought, because it doesn't feel like as much pressure, it's like, I'm going to practice this new way of being on a Friday night without alcohol. And I'm going to do so I'm going to actually do something different, I'm not going to substitute it, I'm not going to replace it, I'm going to like actually do something completely different. I'm going to really like be with myself and honor myself. Thank you so much for being here for this 30 day, take over, I would love to hear what you took away from this, please email me, please leave a review, and follow and subscribe and the best, best best thing that you could do for yourself. And the reason that it's for yourself. So you can start to normalize this shift it and for the rest of humanity is to share this we want more people to know, to normalize the desire to not want to drink, this is the wave of the future. This is the evolution of the human is drink, not drinking becomes the norm. Because it is how we are evolving. It is not beneficial to the human and to other people that want to be healthier and uplevel their own experience in this life. Does it make sense? And so we're just really shifting that story of what it means without shame, without judgment, and know that you're in the right place. So share and like and subscribe and please, please, please, please, I would love to hear your feedback. Have an amazing, amazing time. And we will be back in our regular schedule next week. Every Wednesday. I love you so much and I'll talk to you soon. Imagine taking the podcast every week to the next level with achievable goals and an action plan tailored specifically to your needs. Finding personalized support is how you gain control of your destiny. And my private one on one coaching program. Fast Track to freedom from alcohol, you get your own personal cheerleader. That's me every week helping you get clear, stay curious and committed to what matters most versus resigning again and again to your habitual patterns. Every big change starts with one Next Step. Schedule a complimentary call with the link in the show notes or on my website Mary Wagstaff to get a new perspective on an old habit