Stop Drinking and Start Living

Ep. #201 Deprive The Urge, Feed Your Future

December 07, 2022 Mary Wagstaff Season 1 Episode 201
Stop Drinking and Start Living
Ep. #201 Deprive The Urge, Feed Your Future
Show Notes Transcript

Although each one of my rock start clients has their own unique perspectives, they still have human brains.
They are doing some serious ass kicking over here and I want to make sure you know just how SIMPLE it is to get alcohol out of your way,
so you can start to believe, I can learn a new way too! 
On today's episode I will share with you 6  secret codes to Deprive the urge and feed your future. 

Quitting drinking has kind of been a mystery until now,  because of our beliefs that it is a "normal" part of our experience as humans.
But that's not a fact, it's an opinion. 

These codes are accessible to EVERYONE, regardless of your past. 
You do have to show up and do something different. 
But...I have cracked the code and it's so much more simple than you can imagine.

Just like everything else in our world that we are awakening too, it's just a part of human evolution.
Don't think too much about how or why. 
Focus on the solution and the rest becomes unimportant. 

Just know there is a way to live a healthier, happier life where alcohol isn't part of your experience.

End alcohol exhaustion now so you can start enjoying your life again.
Register for the free training, now. 
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Do you ever feel like you're outgrowing alcohol, that you are longing for a deeper connection to life? If alcohol is keeping you playing small and feels like the one area, you just can't figure out you are in the right place. Hi, my name is Mary Wagstaff. I'm a Holistic alcohol coach who ended a 20 year relationship to alcohol without labels, counting days or ever making excuses. Now I help powerful women just like you eliminate their desire to drink on their own terms. In this podcast, we will explore the revolutionary approach of my proven five shifts process that gets alcohol out of your way by breaking all of the rules and the profound experience that it is to rediscover who you are on the other side of alcohol. I am so thrilled to be your guide. Welcome to your journey of awakening. Welcome back to the show my beautiful listeners, how are you doing? Thank you so much for bearing with me the last couple of weeks as you can see or hear. Rather, I'm sounding so much better. I did a little bit of Kundalini yoga this morning. Which if you're familiar with that practice, Breath of Fire is something that you really can't do. If you're congested, or have kind of have a cough, you just would like choke on yourself. It was amazing practice. Something else that I did, I just wanted to share because we're all in the season, in real time here of you know, needing to boost our immunity is a vitamin IV, they're readily available at certain practitioners do them, you can probably get them some at your doctor as well. They're administered by, you know, a nurse practitioner, but it was so you get high dose of vitamins directly into the bloodstream. Because when we take vitamins orally, there about 50%, of course, consult with your physician about this, we get about 50% of the vitamin, but when you get it administered intravenously, as well as getting the hydration of the fluids, because when you get sick, you get very dehydrated, you get about 90% of the vitamins. So I really, I just had this little bit of like that scratch that you want to itch, you know, as a cough. And the day after I got that I really like that was gone. So I was also just singing, I was playing a little bit of ukulele it sounds kind of pathetic, but that was there. So take really good care of yourself. And I might have said this on the last episode, but I know so many people have dealt with deal with migraines. And a lot of times we'll get headaches when if they have a virus or if they're getting sick because of dehydration. And I've mentioned Solei S O L E if you look it up, it's a pink Himalayan salt water mixture. But I'm powdered ginger just like you would have in your spice cabinet, about a half a teaspoon with water. And then I was adding like a tablespoon of the soul a mixture for hydration to like, take that ginger solution directly where it needs to go is amazing for headaches and migraines. So test it out completely safe ginger powder. And then of course ginger is just such a great route to use. But I am a Taurus and so preparedness is like my the name of my game. And I have a whole arsenal of herbs, I am not opposed to over the counter medication as well, I kind of used a mixture of both, but what I find is that herbal medicinals, or, you know, botanicals, they're really getting on the cellular level of the illness. And then we take the over counter medication kind of is more of that superficial, like cough suppressant. But when we can do both just to help us like get through the night, we can expedite the healing process because we're taking the vitamins taking the herbals to get into the cells. And then you know helping just like maintain. And also of course, rest is just so important. And magnesium salt baths were really a big part of my healing journey. So there's all my tips for this this winter season of supporting your immunity. And of course, alcohol is not a supportive beverage for for immunity it actually makes our system have to work so much harder to rebalance itself. And, you know, I know back in my drinking days, my dad even joked about this with me. He's like I used to do drink scotch. And it's like, yes, is it numbing some of the symptoms potentially, but in the long run, your body's going to be working so much harder to heal itself than Then, if you abstained from the alcohol, and really honored the process of the amazing internal processing that our body has for immunity and health, like, every time I get sick, especially as I'm, you know, I dive deeper and deeper into my own self inquiry, and paying attention. Something that this last bout of illness has really helped me do is be so much more grateful for kind of the mundane. It's like without our health, we really have nothing. And health, as, as an act of devotion is such a powerful tool to just like, I made a bunch of soup, and even putting the dishes away, and just like really loving on Emmett and having him around, and all the new things he's doing. It just, it really shifts your perspective, from, you know, the things that one might complain about, or that get kind of can get tiresome after a while, it's like, the gratitude to be able to do those things really just helped put me in a very humbled cozy space, I wish I could show you what it looks like out here, right now it is gorgeous, we've had so much snow, and the sun has also been out. So there's just snow falling from the red cedars. And you know, when the sun hits the snow, just write it glistens in it. It's just very magical and cozy. And I just wish that for you. So taking advantage of maybe what even illness can do as far as slowing you down, and helping you really connect into the meaning of what's important what you choose in your life. All of the tasks that are are, you know, all self imposed. And asking yourself, like if I choose this, why, and doing it from a different perspective. So I wanted to share with you today, six codes that help you deprive the urge, and fuel and feed your future. Because one of the things that people talk about all the time is like being in deprivation, oh, I'm missing out. I'm, I'm not giving myself something that I want. Well, what it's not really you that wants it, it is this habit that you formed with a strong chemical dependency that is creating the urges, right. So there is a sense of deprivation, where you are depriving the urge, you're not depriving yourself, you're depriving the habit. And if you can really shift that perspective, then you can also start to focus on what you're fueling. And when it comes to change, and we see other people having success, or maybe you've listened to the podcast, and you've heard some interviews, we, you know, we people often attach to labels, and how special they are, and why it won't work for them. Right. And it's like, oh, I have to keep my environment really safe. And I have this label, and I have this and I have that. And it's so easy for them. But the truth is, is that when I give you these six different codes of the way that my kick ass clients are showing up, and just taking names and getting so many amazing results, you can start to believe that I can learn a new way to that. This isn't about being a special person. Although you do have unique medicine, you do have a unique perspective, and you have your own unique way that you connect to the meaning of your own life. But these six codes that we've kind of unlocked because up until now, quitting drinking really has been a bit of a mystery. And it's like it's either for the down on their luck, who you know, are rock bottom and have no chance or like those who are no fun. I don't know, I don't really know what your beliefs are about it. But those are kind of like the two extremes. Right? And it's because we've seen our beliefs are that alcohol is a normal part of the human experience. But that's not a fact. Right? That's an opinion and, and the reason that you're here is because you're awakening not just to alcohol, a different truth about alcohol but to a different truth about a lot of things in your Life and kind of reexamining, you know, am I living in alignment with my values, and what are my values. So these codes are accessible to everyone, regardless of your past. And regardless of what you've tried what your relationship to alcohol has been, what whatever other programs you've done, how much you've drank, how deep into it, you think you are, how much you've compared yourself to other people, whatever your beliefs are, these are available to you. But just like with the episodes about celebrating the holidays, alcohol free, you do have to show up to do something different. It's very, very simple, much more simple than you could even imagine. But it's possible. And it doesn't actually require you to change your circumstances so much, there's a little bit of shifting. But you know, it's like, if I'm not going to be drinking, and I have to occupy my brain with something else, and I have to substitute that time with something else. But what you really need to do is just get good at feeling however you feel in that moment, which is one of the codes. So these are like the six main things that I have really honed in on, especially over the last six months that I've seen my clients really make a such a huge shift in a short amount of time, like literally weeks, where they it's like, yes, are there thoughts? Yes. Are there contemplations? Of course, but the ability to discern is so much greater. And then the truth of like, yeah, sure, I could go back to drinking every single day if I wanted to. But based on the shift in my perspective, and what I know now, is that really possible. And that's the difference, there's no more fear of like having that one drink, and then being back to it. Because we, because there's such a process of curiosity and growing awareness. And this is the first code that I'll tell you is them experiencing their emotion. So they no longer have to be afraid to feel fear. Because all what we're really afraid of when it comes to creating change. And there's resistance to change is the unknown. The uncertainty, and I've talked about that so much in the last, like, couple of months is uncertainty. But uncertainty is just an emotion really based in fear. And it doesn't actually exist, the feeling does the sensation does. So if you can experience the sensation of fear, then you no longer have to be scared of the sensation of fear. And then you experience it. So then the next thing is like, you move beyond that, you're like, oh, that didn't kill me, right, because emotions don't kill us. As far as experiencing them in real time and sensations. Now, you know, we could go to an extreme of mental health. But what I'm talking about right now is like, I'm feeling resistance, we've all done but nervous and done something, right. But it's like all of the projected thoughts, it's like all of the thoughts that are in the way of you saying no to a drink, you have to be able to just observe those and sit with those and sit with the feelings that they create. But once you can do that, and you shift from the story to sensation in your body, you've experienced the fear. And so now you have evidence in your body, that it won't kill you. The other code, the second code is that they show up ready to seek solutions rather than focus on the problems. So the clients that are absolutely crushing it that take that just leaps and bounds. They come with the mind of curiosity, like, oh, okay, where am I? What am I not seeing? Right? Versus here's the story. Let me tell you about the story. And all of my complaints, and I'm gonna just sit in this story, right? It's like, okay, here's the question. Here's where I see that I can't get past this one place. Where do I have a thought? Err, so and they physically show up? Right? They show up to their calls they write in to get coaching, they do the the exercises, the emotional processing meditations that I offer them, and they are not creating excuses for why it's for why they can't. And because they know that at the end of all of those things, right, when they're practicing on their own, when they're writing in for coaching, when they show up to their coaching calls, that they're actually going to feel better on the other side of it. So they've a lot of times procrastination comes when we don't believe the results like we do. Do the course that we signed up for, because we don't fully believe that, oh my gosh, I know, every single time I do this meditation, I always feel a sense of relief after, right, like the urge automatically dissipates. And like when you prove that to yourself really quickly, really early on, that is when you make the biggest breakthroughs. And expedite the process so much quickly, instead of postponing facing the resistance, right, which is even like getting the support to begin with, there's the resistance to that, or the investment of your time, your energy, your money, there's resistance to that. So when you can just know that that's the human brain, right? My coach said the other day on a call, it's so brilliant. It's like leaving the shopping cart open. And I know we've all done this, like, really literally what you're doing right now, if you've been listening to the show for a long time, and you're still drinking, it's like going to the same webpage to buy a pair of shoes and putting a item in a shopping cart, like five different times. And then you keep going back and you're not making a decision. And that's really the power of coaching is helping you make powerful decisions quickly. Like, what thoughts do I need to think to be like a no? And what thoughts do I need to think to be a yes, like, just make the decision and take it off your plate, because we have so many of those open shopping carts in our brain, that that is one of the things that's creating the overwhelm that then has you drinking. And so it's like, the way that you show up to decide to change your relationship to alcohol is also how you're showing up to decide on all the other things that are triggering your drinking and creating excuses for your drinking, the overwhelm the stress all of those things, right. So it's the both and we're working on the alcohol, but we're also working on all of the things that you don't really need to be stressed about. Anyway, like going deciding, I'm gonna go buy these pair of shoes, and I'm just going to decide ahead of time that they're going to be the best. I just bought a pair I haven't got them. I hoped that they fit of these like rhinestone boots, and they're just kind of like casual like low heel, I always have a pair of like, pull on. Like shorty little kind of cowboy boot type of boots, because I just need to be able to throw them out and go outside if I want. Well, I saw this pair of black rhinestone ones. And I'm like these this is ridiculous. And after being sick, I was like, You know what, if I'm not having fun, every single thing I'm doing, everyone I'm gonna get so many comments on these people are gonna love them, they're gonna make my day and I'm going to be like wearing glitter on my feet all the time. I'm going to be fucking Dorothy, right? Like, what the hell it's like, so I'm so excited to get these I just decided I was going to love them and they were going to be perfect. And whether or not they're practical is that we will find out. But like buy just like decide that the rhinestone boots are like where it's at and fall in love with them. Because if our life lives are not filled with rhinestone boots, then I think we're doing it wrong. And so I, you know, have really decided and Matthew really inspired me, he only he bought like a half a dozen Christmas sweaters for winter. And he just decided for winter season. I'm only wearing Christmas sweaters. And he like it makes everyone's day. And it's so much fun. And he's like decided he needs no reason to do it. And he's like, if I'm not having fun, then what am I doing? So permission to go buy Christmas sweaters and rhinestone boots. Okay, the third code is the willingness to be wrong and seek a new perspective. And this does a little bit come into line with like showing up. But you have to just like know that the way your brain is processing information, if you're not getting the results you want, might not like be because it's not a fact, right? We just think I'm responsible for this, but you've given yourself that title, right? Like I'm the one that needs to be in control. And when we do that, we don't give room to see like, oh, that I actually choose that that's a choice. Right? So we have to be willing to be wrong and seek a new perspective. And that's what the curious observer is all about with the five shifts process a with alcohol that for some people, the relinquishment of the belief that alcohol was this thing that you held on a pedestal and you know solved all of your problems and, and was so awesome. hazing is a hard thing to detach from and to find another thought that is more useful and better serving for you and, you know, in in, in a way admit that you were wrong. I mean, that's how I feel about alcohol, I thought it was the key to the best version of my life. And I believe like now that it was the complete opposite, it was the key to like, the most limiting version of my life, right, which is like, a pretty great thought, actually. But I would probably think like, not drink, like not drinking is the key to the best version of my life, I wouldn't probably say limiting, because we really want to be mindful of the words that we use, because they create vibrations in our body. So you want it to shift more towards the positive. But the reason that it's so hard to admit that alcohol isn't what you thought it was, or what it once was, is because it's really wrapped up in your self concept and your self identity. Which ship takes us to the next code, which is practicing thinking new thoughts that are in alignment with their values, this is what my clients are doing. So they have to get really clear on what their values are. And that is where what connects us to that sense of devotion and meaning in our life, which is why you're here because alcohol is like not cutting it, it's not creating that sense of meaning for you, I read this amazing quote, on Insight Timer, from Carl Sagan. And it was about that said, for small creatures, such as we the vastness of the universe is bearable, only through love. And I truly believe that the path of devotion or a life led through alignment with your values and connection to meaning and your own principles. Anything less than that, if it's like a superficial, like you can have a superficial official goal, you know, like, material possessions, that is still led through the lens of devotion, and, and principle and value and meaning. But if it's not led with that energy, I really believe that it will always fall short, it will always have some sort of scarcity or lack and it is because there is we are so small compared to the vastness of the universe that for us to wrap our minds around connection and meaning. It's like you have to intentionally be in the place of connecting to your part of the web of life, you know, the vastness of the mystery, the amazing miracle that our immune systems are right the like I was describing to that I'm looking at right now that like the way that the the the snow is falling from the trees and you know, we celebrate this time of year, a little soapbox, we celebrate this time of year without really realizing what's actually happening that this is a shift in renewal that the winter solstice which is happening on December 21 is actually the the original celebration where we are reclaiming the lights of where there is literally the return of the sun, right? The birth of the sun is what happens where after the longest night of the year, so it's a celebration of the return of light. And so many people don't even really know that and we were actually just looking this up that the Christmas holiday because we celebrate all the miracles and all the faith and like everything that can access through the teachings of ascended masters that can access with our own human walk Earth walk here, as you know as beings of of light. But that December 25 was chosen because for the birth of Jesus because it was already a holiday a pagan and Roman Holiday. So we don't really know like, that's like actually the birthday of Jesus. But it's interesting and it's a great time of the year to celebrate though you know that as well. Because it brings us that sense of renewal and it brings us lights it brings light and joy into our homes during the darkest time of the year. So we have this beautiful opportunity like I spoke about to have these holiday celebrations to fill up the inner light and to amplify the inner light of seeing the kids getting excited and the decorating and the lights and the food and the fan only, or you can focus on, you know, what's not working in your family that you don't like, and all those things and all the money that you think you're obligated to spend, and then want to drink. So that's where being in alignment with your values and knowing what those are really helps you reshift your perspective and your focus. All of these are just that it is an opportunity to shift your perspective. And then the final six code to unlock. to starve the deprivation, right? To deprive the urge, and feed your future is to celebrate you, through compassion, through honoring your inquiry, and through all of the little shifts that are happening because of this work. So when my clients come to me, and they're like, oh, yeah, the thing, like I was not getting along with my partner. And that's why I'm drinking. And then they stop drinking for a couple of weeks. And they realize they're not as tense and they're not, they're shifting their expectations they're willing to be wrong, is that they are now getting along better with their partner. And so the need for alcohol is less, but it's also because they aren't drinking, and they're shifting their focus, right. So it's like they're less edgy, but they're also shifting their focus on where they are in control. I actually missed one, this is like the final one. And so I'll just say it is to get super honest with themselves about what's in their control and what's not. And then when they so when they do that. And they realize other people's thoughts, feelings and actions are not in their control, and only their thoughts, feelings and actions are in their control, they start to see these little shifts, and it's like, oh, wow, I'm generating evidence that there's this ripple effect, right, this impact in all these other areas. And just like I was saying, when those things when there's like not that external excuse anymore, then all you're left was with is the urge. And so you want to deprive the urge. But you deprive the urge, by understanding how you're fueling your future. And health and wellness and vitality is probably the best reason that I can think of because if, like alcohol doesn't just affect our physical health, but it affects our mental health and our spiritual health in it, it leaves us really disconnected from being in alignment with our values. And, you know, you don't often hear me talking about the benefits of not drinking, because I just like in the harm of drinking, because you know that already, like I don't need to tell you what that is, logically, you already know that what's most important. And the benefit, the real benefit of not drinking is being able to manage your mind. And so that's what I teach here. And that's why this is a little bit of the mystery of the code that we're accessing, because it just doesn't exist anywhere else. That's why we're having such amazing, amazing results, make sure you get the five shifts free training on my website, and make sure that you schedule your one hour to have a call with me so that I can see where things are like where you're not in alignment where you're having where you think the problem is, that you might be able to shift your perspective a little bit so I can see what's working for you and what's not. And I can tell you a little bit more about my program, if you're interested. Have an amazing day, please take care of yourself, get good rest, it's an a really awesome time of the year, anytime to rest. But if you are listening to this in real time, during winter time, it's so important to just mellow out and put some of the some take some things off of your to do list and just appreciate your your your body, your health, your family, the things in your life that you've already created, that you would want if they weren't there, right. And so it's like we're always having to kind of recheck in with ourselves again and again. And again. I'm just going to read you this list actually one more time. So my kick ass clients, the codes that they're breaking, that are actually just really simple shifts of perspective that you can learn too is that they show up, ready to seek solutions rather than focus on the problem. They get super honest with themselves about what's in their control and what's not. They are willing to be wrong and seek a new perspective. Practicing thinking thoughts they're in alignment with their values. So the willingness also get clear on their values. They're experiencing their emotions in real time. So they no longer have to be afraid to feel fear. And they're not just overriding it with distraction. And then they're celebrating themselves and, and being compassionate to themselves about all of the little shifts and have the biggest impact and on the day to day that are, are depriving the the urge, right? That is, these are all of the ways we deprive the urge and feed that your future self have an amazing day. Hi, it's Mary Wagstaff. I want to personally invite you to spend one hour with me one on one. Because you deserve to know what's holding you back is your time, alcohol has had its fair share. We're going to talk about possibilities about how to align your thoughts and actions with your dreams and what matters most to you about why alcohol is no longer suited for the life you want to live. How you can get on the fast track to freedom from alcohol and stay there without deprivation. Follow the link in the show notes or on my website Mary Wagstaff To schedule your complimentary call and get a new perspective on an old habit.