Stop Drinking and Start Living

Ep. #203 Permission To Believe In Yourself with Molly Mandelberg

December 21, 2022 Mary Wagstaff/ Molly Mandelberg Season 1 Episode 203
Stop Drinking and Start Living
Ep. #203 Permission To Believe In Yourself with Molly Mandelberg
Show Notes Transcript

Being "hooked on consciousness", is one of the ways my guest, Molly Mandelberg and I flipped the switch in our beliefs about what it means life an alcohol free life. 
In today's show you will discover the skill set you need that is necessary to get you from alcohol with a side of life, to be completely satisfied and in awe of life. 

Learn she is able to show up life now in a way that feels not only in alignment with who she desires to be, but expending in ways that wouldn't have been possible with alcohol without missing burning man and traveling the world from her van.

From a neutral perspective acknowledging the past for it's fun and limitations, to the next phase of her personal evolution, as well as the evolution of human consciousness, come be inspired by what is possible for you too. 

What does it feel like to be in the vibration of no longer wanting alcohol? 

What has changed in her life since she stopped drinking? 

It’s easy to create a romanticized version around alcohol. 

Why do we think alcohol is so much fun? 

What would you say to people who are going from lowering their inhibitions to being more bold? 37:57

Molly Mandelberg is uniquely qualified to help launch you from where you are now, to the next level of your business. From a long line of teachers, writers and preachers, Molly has an unusual combination of spiritual/visionary and high tech/practical/business savvy. She is an artist, a globe trotter, a writer, a speaker, a
facilitator and a leader. Checkout all of her amazing offerings:

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Do you ever feel like you're outgrowing alcohol, that you are longing for a deeper connection to life? If alcohol is keeping you playing small and feels like the one area, you just can't figure out you are in the right place. Hi, my name is Mary Wagstaff. I'm a Holistic alcohol coach who ended a 20 year relationship to alcohol without labels, counting days or ever making excuses. Now I help powerful women just like you eliminate their desire to drink on their own terms. In this podcast, we will explore the revolutionary approach of my proven five shifts process that gets alcohol out of your way by breaking all of the rules, and the profound experience that it is to rediscover who you are on the other side of alcohol, I am so thrilled to be your guide. Welcome to your journey of awakening. Hello, my beautiful listeners, I am so excited for you to hear this amazing interview with an acquaintance and colleague of mine. And I just wanted to pop on before we actually do the interview to just give you a little bit of insight of what to pay attention to that showed up for me, that is like very similar with the work that I'm doing that we're talking about here. Molly is a coach and is a creative spiritual entrepreneur. So she is deeply embedded in to the work and has been studying the skill set of she shifting her perspective changing and questioning her beliefs using curiosity for many, many, many years. And so she's a coach, she has a coach. And she's also put herself in a lot of different environments to explore what it means she's also as I think you'll hear, she talks about living van life experience as a professional and that it's like, you know, a specific type of person. So I just want you to see, and at one point she talks about kind of her experience that most that we have, that we don't see in our collective culture talked about, which is that you can flip the switch to no longer wanting alcohol to being done with it to to it being a past version of your life and just still going on like I was talking to someone today. It's like I used to, you know, I drink Mountain Dew and eat Domino's when I was a kid and like I don't do that anymore, right. So that's like the same thing. And that's what the five shifts approach is all about, right? But it does take a certain skill set to examine these beliefs and to to know how to process our human emotions in another way than the tool we've been handed. And through the exemplification of the other interviews that I've done, you can see the common theme that we don't just shift from being a drinker to a sober person that that's not required, that it is a phase of your life that you can outgrow and never desire to go back to. And that's why you're here because you are ready to be happy. Without alcohol, you are ready to live a happier life without alcohol. So enjoy the show. If you're getting this in real time, happiest of holidays, and I will talk to you soon. Welcome back to the show my beautiful listeners, I am so thrilled to have another beautiful inspiring guest to share her journey and all of the magic that she puts out into the world. On our show today. It's been a little bit since we've had an interview. So welcome to the show. Molly Mandel. Berg, thank you so much for being here. Hi. Thanks for having me. Yeah, I'm so thrilled. And if you guys don't know, and I'll put this in the show notes, too. I was on Molly's show not that long ago. So make sure to go listen to that interview. But Molly, why don't you just start out a little bit by telling our audience about who you are and what you're up to these days. Yeah, so my name is Molly Middleburg My business is called Wild hearts rise up. And I primarily work with women coaches, healers, holistic practitioners, conscious leaders, people who trade in wisdom and guidance and are great at what they do, but often are not that great at talking about what they do or using technology to broadcast what they do on a bigger scale. So I help them craft their deep work into inspiring content and hot copy and master the marketing tools to make it all a lot easier to run their businesses and also to overcome the inner dialogue, the limiting beliefs, the sort of stuck points that a lot of us come to as we're expanding into greater leadership that are in the way of us receiving all the things that we say that we want to create and have in our lives. So yeah, I've been doing this for almost eight years now. And I travel the world full time in my self converted Sprinter van tiny home, and I run two podcasts I have two books published. Should I run about 12 different programs and courses for these people? And I also have a course about money mindset and mastering your state of being around your finances. Yes, oh my gosh. So you guys can see why I wanted to have her on the show. So many, you know, so much in alignment with what we talk about too, which is, you know, our ability to shift our beliefs into what is available to us in this life and our potential and just recognizing, where we've been directing our thoughts that aren't getting the results that we want, so that, you know, you can direct your thoughts to getting results you want and people want your magic. And I think, you know, you probably don't know this, Molly, but you were kind of a little bit at the beginning of my alcohol journey, I met Molly through a local women's empowerment networking group called power in Portland, Oregon, and I did a workshop with you there. And I was just really inspired by you bring, first of all being like, very casual, very approachable, and really bringing in like the spiritual lens into business. And I don't think I hadn't been exposed to that that much. And I was kind of on the journey of changing my own self concept, when I was treat transitioning from alcohol. And so yeah, you were a part of that me saying yes to new things, and really exploring just what was possible. And knowing that I've been talking a lot about devotion on the show and leading all of our actions through the lens of like our intention, I call it devotion. And I, you know, I really resonated with that, about that. So, yeah, that that's how we got connected. And then that was part of your journey. And I will say, before starting my business, and even I mean, I guess it was right before I took the leap and started my business that I was first like exploring sobriety for like, periods of time, not like committed to it or devoted to it. But like, for the first time in my life, I was slowing down drinking, because I was dating someone who like had a severe reaction to alcohol. And it was like, not worth it to deal with that. But yeah, it was, I think, this unfolding process for me, as I grew my business, as I recognize, like, I'm bringing in this spiritual aspect to business like this requires me to hold a certain level of space, not just to do the healing work that I'm like asking to do with people, or inviting people to come and do, but also to, like, stand in my own power and not let those limiting beliefs of my own, come back in or ride me or like drive me out of my mind and out of my business. And giving up alcohol was like a huge, I want to say it was a leap, it was like a leap into allowing myself to hold bigger space. And I don't think I knew at the time, as I like, slowly found my way away from it, that it would also turned me into something that I don't think I could have been otherwise. So it's like this gateway into a greater life that alcohol, letting go of alcohol made a huge difference for Yeah, oh, my gosh, I just got the chills when you were talking about that. And tell me what, what different beliefs did you have. And we'll talk a little bit about your origin story, because I think it's important for people to have something relate to just so you know, this is also why Molly's on the show, because she has this amazing inspiring journey similar to what we talk about where you can just see from what she said, shift like the alcohol was the beginning of something bigger that you couldn't have actually even imagined beforehand that was available. Right? And but it's like the opposite is what Pete most people are believing when they're thinking about quitting. Right? Right. Yeah, we see it as like loss, I'm gonna lose my friends. I'm not going to be able to hang out with people. I'm not going to enjoy myself. If I go to that party. Like, the things we think we're losing with it are definitely more prevalent. We don't know what's on the other side of that coin until we walk past it and see what's there. Yeah, yeah. And I want to kind of come back to this of like, how were you able to move past that, but I would like to just kind of start from the beginning of like, what spent what was your alcohol story? Yeah, I mean, I was a raging party girl. And I, I think, Well, I grew up with a lot of like, emotional abuse in my household. I have an amazing mother, but she married a pretty evil dude. And he was an alcoholic. So I was like, exposed to alcoholism for most of my growing up years, and then pretty wounded from being around that for a few years, many years. And I started drinking and I think I got drunk for the first time at a wedding when I was like 13 or 14 But then started drinking with my friends in high school, got to college was suddenly like free as a bird. And I mean drank almost every single night of the four years of college, I was drunk and blacking out a lot. I think this is the first time I really openly shared this on the air. But I drank heavily. And that didn't stop after college, I kept drinking and kept, I mean, having a beautiful, magical adventure of a life like traveling the world, meeting amazing people having beautiful experiences, but really uncomfortable if there wasn't alcohol involved. I remember going to this like amazing art show, I was in Thailand, and this tiny town called PI up in the northern mountains. And we got invited to go to this, like art event where there were going to be performances, and there was going to be like, probably a tea ceremony, I don't know. But I had been, like friends with a lot of hippie kinds of people. And this was the most like, grounded like community kind of space that I'd ever put myself into. And there wasn't gonna be alcohol there. And I remember feeling really uncomfortable going really uncomfortable being there without a drink in my hand, and like having to socialize and be around people. And that was the first time I was like, Whoa, this is like a huge crutch for me, that for me to socialize and me, like feel vibrant and myself, I feel the need to have a drink in my hand. And that was the first like noticing that I had. So more drinking more years of travel and experiences. I fell in love with a guy who after I was bartending when I met him, and he was drunk when I met him to set the scene. But I fell in love with a guy who one or two drinks and he would be like stumbling and falling down and throwing up and like not not okay. And so I ended up finding my way out of that job. I think I got fired from that bartending job because I kept traveling and coming back and traveling and coming back. I am very much a nomad. But it was in that relationship that I was like, Oh, he kind of disappears when we're drinking. And that is not worth it. It's already hard enough to get whatever connection I was trying to get out of that relationship without the alcohol that I was like, Okay, well, when we're around each other, we just, I won't drink. And so that was the first time that I was like actually going like weeks at a time where I wasn't turning to alcohol. And I was having this connection being more important for the first time and a connection that was actually better without the alcohol around. And flash forward a couple years. I would do like no booze November, which was like, like, see if I can do it and see how it feels. And there was one year that I made it the whole month and was like, damn, I feel really good. Like I felt happy. I felt like not so self loathing or self deprecating or self conscious. And I was still going out and seeing friends and doing stuff. But I would just bring a kombucha with me or I would bring like, you know, a nice sparkling water with me so that I had something to drink if I was socializing with people who are drinking, almost so that they wouldn't feel uncomfortable. And also because I was so used to having a drink in my hand when I was around people, that there was like a physical crutch kind of aspect to it. But I felt so good. After that month, I decided to keep going. That lasted like seven more months. I think it got to eight months. And I was sitting in London at a cafe and the people I was with were getting a bottle champagne. And I was like, Oh, I love champagne. Like, what's it gonna hurt, I'll just have a glass of champagne. And once I did that, I was like, Oh, well, now I'm drinking again. And so I went back to drinking for a while. But what I kept realizing as I would go stints of time without it was I was happier, I was more confident, I was more grounded, I felt like me. And those voices for me, I started noticing if I had one glass of wine, the next two or three days, those voices that I think we all have on some level would just be louder out, there was more voices saying you can't do this, or you shouldn't do this. And in a business where you kind of have to do a lot of things that are kind of edgy and scary. To have that voice get louder was like this is not worth it. This is so not worth it at all. And so it got to be where I was drinking, maybe on special occasions on holidays, or birthdays or whatever, but for the most part, not other than that at all. And then I got pretty drunk on my birthday a few years ago and had a great time. I was never like mean or, in my opinion, at least a mean or like fouled out drunk I never needed like support or like made a mess or hurt anyone to my knowledge. But I woke up the next day and I felt like crap and I was really like, embarrassed for myself that I felt that way. And so I just decided not to do that to myself anymore. And I had a hard kombucha by accident about a year ago that I didn't know I was drink. But other than that I don't voluntarily put alcohol in my body anymore. And I feel great about it. And it has made me see the lens of like normality in our culture, that alcohol is so widely accepted when really it is a depressant. And it causes us to feel less vibrant. That that is so normal and accepted that it's not even like questioned on a regular basis is like, crazy to me now. And I can see it from a different, like, vantage point, I think, because I've had so much more time away from it. So that's a long winded version of my story. But yeah, I still have moments where I feel depressed, or there are still times where those limiting beliefs or those inner judging Gremlins that we all have are there, but nowhere near to the degree that they were when alcohol was a part of my life. Yeah. Oh my gosh, thank you for sharing all of that not long winded at all is very succinct journey, I could see the whole thing in my head a lot of similarities in our journey. I am like I love that you talked about to like you were living. It was like it was a fun, magical vibrant life that you're not reflecting and like, in regret and shame of all of these years. But just knowing to, you know, what I was kind of hearing is like, there were other things that have become important to you. And that was kind of that lens of devotion. I was talking like you were talking about being with the sky. And it was that connection that was more powerful and more meaningful and important to you where it wasn't hard to say no. Right? Yeah. And then like as your journey continued. And because you do the work you do and your you know, you work on like a conscious level of awareness and mindset work, you know, I'm sure it's some of that was ready to be turned on around this lens. But this, I literally just recorded the last probably the last episode before this around, the thought that drinking is normal, is literally what colors our cultural lens for not just drinking, but for quitting also. And that you know, and I don't shame any other like sobriety programs or anything like that. But that is a it's like one of the chapters in the Big Blue Book and AAA that they say something like, the alcoholic will always have the illusion that they can someday be a normal drinker. And so being that that's from like that 40s or whatever that one thought literally is what is fueling people's decisions. And what we started talking about a thinking about the deprivation, because we start from the base belief that alcohol is normal. Now we don't just say alcohol is bad or wrong or anything like that. But who was it normal for? And it sounds like it wasn't normal for you anymore. Like you didn't you didn't want it to be your normal. Yeah, exactly. And not only that, like I got present to like, like you said, I would do a lot of introspection and mindset work. And like, I'm kind of obsessed with that stuff. And I got aware of the future be that I was hoping to become the future me that I wanted to step into the kind of space I wanted to hold for other people. And I just knew that the version of me with a hangover, or the version of me who wanted to just like get blackout drunk was not the person who could hold that kind of space. So it was like, which do you want to actually give your energy to? Do you actually want to start stepping towards holding that kind of space and supporting people on a bigger scale that kind of terrifies you? Or do you want to keep doing this thing you've already spent over a decade doing? I mean, I haven't done the math, but maybe more than a decade. Yeah, a lot more. And is that really enough? Because really, I started looking at it as I spent less time being drunk with the people I used to drink with being around everyone drunk when I wasn't. I started to see it differently. I was like, You know what, like, is it worth it? That 11pm to 3am? Like, are those four hours really where any of the magic really happens? Do I feel connected to these people? Do I feel seen? Do I feel like this is contributing to my life? Or is it just an escape? There are plenty of other ways to escape? Yeah. Wow. Those are great questions to ask. And that's like, the cornerstone of the work that I do is called the Five shifts. We talked about it on your show, and curiosity is the biggest thing it's so this is such a great segue into the last episode too because what I talked about is putting yourself in the vibration of of already having the results of no longer desire, like no longer wanting alcohol, but you kind of taking it that next level and really focusing on like, that future self concept and like, how does that person decide? And what does it feel like to be in that like holding that space? Right? Like, it sounds like it felt really empowering and kind of scary, but but a challenge that you want it to take. And when we literally lead with that lens, rather than our mind is always focused on what we'll be missing out on. It's such an easier place. But you have to recognize the thought. Alcohol is normal is a subjective thought that you get to decide if you Yeah, and I mean, really, if we're being honest, who wants to be normal? Right, I don't be I love that. Well, that's what's so interesting, too, because another one of the beliefs I think a lot of people have is that, especially like, when I was in my party days to which was, this is I'm kind of a badass, like, rebellious, whatever. But when you really look at it does not, you're just no one, I'm still a badass Rebel Without that in my life, I would say and so are you. Yeah. Oh, I think even more. So I always tell my clients, we are blazing trails. We are like, it's we're doing it, we're throwing a better party. Yeah, I think that's one of the things that's really cool about this specific point in history, like, a lot of the people that I know, from the old party scenes that I was in, like, I've been to Burning Man 15 times, like, I'm still very close with a lot of people that are in that scene, it's becoming way more normal in my old party scene circles for a lot of people not to drink anymore. And they still have like, you know, psychoanalytical adventure Adventures of other kinds, maybe, but the alcohol part is becoming like less and less widely accepted, which I think is awesome. It's just a sign I think of the consciousness on this planet expanding and growing. And that that sort of, it's almost like putting a mute on a trumpet is what's coming to mind. It's like, instead of like hashing it, like, let your song be sung, like, let yourself be full volume, instead of needing to damper it with that, like, liquid courage or whatever. Yeah, absolutely. Well, and I think being, you know, in the communities that you're in, and like encouraging your clients to do the work that they do to really lends itself to, like, Why is it okay, and all of these other areas, but it's, but like, in this one, I have to fit this, you know, this norm or whatever? Yeah. Yeah. So tell me a little bit about what has changed for you. I mean, what has been the impact? You talked a little bit about about it. But you know, I mean, the baseline level of joy in my life, is dramatically different than it used to be. Like, the amount of time I spend, what I would call happy is at a level that I didn't I don't think I really had access to before. And I think that speaks to how Alcohol is a depressant that I don't think I realized how much percentage of my depression in those younger years was actually partly a chemical component of what I was ingesting. So I mean, my joy has changed for sure. My belief in myself, what I'm actually capable of what I'm willing to take on the fear that comes up around like, Oh, I'm going to launch this new program, or I'm going to write this book, or I'm going to do this big scary thing that I don't really think is going to be easy or fast or possible. My sort of tenacity and capacity to do those things and follow through with those things, is so much higher, without alcohol stopping me without the like, emotional roller coaster of alcohol without the like, like tampering down of my energy of alcohol. Without the like, physical repercussions of it. I have a bandwidth that I didn't have before to create, to show up, to speak up. Yeah, and to then in turn make a difference in the lives of other people. Yeah, the impact is like, the ripple effect is so so much diff different that I don't even think that. I don't know when you were contemplating. And you know, before you made this final shift, when you when we had started talking about this when you were thinking about, you know, maybe not drinking, were like what did that look like to you? Um, I mean, I think I took a couple of years where I like I said, I was slowing down. Yeah, and it was more so when I would like, let loose quote unquote, and and like, just have a night where I was drinking like my old self. It was more so those moments where I was like, wow, like, I don't need that anymore. Yeah, so it was like the space the space between not having it in my life and then bringing it back in and then seeing there was like a noticing there that isn't there when you do it all the time. One of the things I love that you said on my show also was how quickly it can become a habit. And that alcoholism can sort of creep up on you because you think, Oh, I'm just having a glass of wine tonight. And you don't notice that, you know, that's become every night this week. And now you've got this sort of baseline of the physical repercussions of that happening on a day after day after day basis. And that that forms a habit really fast. I found that fascinating. Because, yeah, we don't notice that it's happening. And if people around us are choosing it to, it seems like Oh, it's okay. And it is okay. There's nothing wrong or bad with it. But with choosing that, the real question, I think comes back to like, what do you want? What do you want to be? What do you want to create in your life? And does that a allow for the new thing to come in? Or make space for it? Or be? Is it actually hindering you getting there faster? Yeah, yeah. That's the question. I think I kept being inside of us. Do I need this? Is it adding enough to my life to make it worse? The parts of it I know aren't working for me. And after a while, it was like, No, not anymore. Not anymore. I know. It's. It's really amazing. Do you find that there's any lingering beliefs that show up for you at all? about drinking, about drinking? Yeah. My viewpoint is like 180 degree flip. It's not right. Like I went to Mexico with some friends, like a year ago, for an Access Consciousness class. And I was I went there by myself, but I was like, there with a couple of friends. And they were drinking margaritas by the pool, and like having wine at dinner, and I could, like watch their bodies, like, get less comfortable. As they got more and evaporated. And I wasn't in judgment of it, I was just like, noticing of like, wow, my body is so glad to not be doing that right now. Like they're gonna be dehydrated, and they feel like they need to go to bed sooner. And they're like, just a little less present and vibrant. And then in the morning, they'd all have you know, some kind of hangover and need things to cope with that. And I would just feel like me, I just woke up, let's go do the things, right. And just being in that like, small little microcosm of a container of like, this is a different way of doing vacation than I've ever done before. I'm not like looking for that aspect of it. And noticing other people on the other side of that coin, like doing what is fun what what people do on vacation, they drink drinks at the pool, and they have dinner, wine with dinner, or whatever, or giant margaritas with dinner. And it was this beautiful microcosm of like, wow, I don't miss it at all. And even going to Burning Man and like everybody's sharing drinks and passing around the champagne at sunrise and I don't want it. I don't want it and I don't miss it. And that is, like, surprising to me, too. And I'm sure people are listening and thinking that's not possible. Like I'm always kind of gonna miss it. There are parts of it, I miss. But the parts that I miss are not the healthy parts of it. Like my I used to have lower standards on who I wanted to date or sleep with when I was drinking because I didn't have the same level of like self awareness, or standards. And I don't want that back. Yeah, what parts of it? Do you think you does your brain tell you you miss because I have a feeling that there's really not it's not really a real thing? It's yeah, I mean, if anything, it's the moments of connection that I thought I had more of, then. But when you think about those connections, it's not it wasn't I don't know I'm hooked on like consciousness. I'm hooked on self improvement. And I'm hooked on like being around people who want to grow and evolve and like look at who we're being and how we can become greater and how we can serve the world greater and I wasn't ever really having conversations while drinking with people who are talking about that kind of stuff. Right? What your mind I think this is like very normal to and and I like what most people miss is the idea of what they thought it was. It's just an idea. It's like this romanticized version like even when you were starting to talk about being in London, I think at a cafe started to paint this picture like of course, it's, you know, we're like the poolside margaritas, like, it's so easy to create a romanticized version around alcohol. But in reality, when you really break it down, it's the complete opposite of that. Because by the end of the night, you lost your wallet, and you're puking, or whatever, you know what I mean? Like, it's Yeah, or just the next day you need like, way more things to feel okay, by the way, or whatever urges you just you lost access to the moment that you were so excited to get to. And it's like, reliving the same vibration over and over and over again. So, you know, now, I mean, I think about you traveling the world and traveling all over the country and like, your, does it feel like you're doing a lot of it again, for the first time without there are definitely so many parts of it that I mean, I've been doing this traveling thing for so long that not a lot of it feels new. But there is a presence in the moment. And there's a memory of the experience that my old self didn't have. It was like, I know, I had fun last night, but like, what really happened? Right? Um, yeah, I went to I was in Dallas a few weeks, about almost two months ago, for goose concert goose is one of my favorite bands. And I was following them around the country for a couple of weeks this fall. And I was in Dallas by myself. And I went to the show by myself and I met a bunch of friends and like, had a fantastic time. And I was like, glowing with joy about that night for like three days afterwards. All the little cute moments, all the funny jokes I told or heard or learned or like the people I met, the dancing we did, the songs that they played, every moment of it was like imprinted on me. Because I was fully present for it. Yeah. Yeah. It wasn't just like a few blurry blips of like, yeah, that was a great time, like, oh, we were laughing. We had fun. I was like, No, I remember all the pieces of it. And I felt so good about it for like days, because it was a blast. Right? And you don't and like things like this, because I talk a lot about ritual and really tuning into the things that really do bring us joy, I'm getting to experience them for again, for the first time, it becomes more of that, we get to tap back into that innocence of kind of that childlike wonder and awe a little bit where it's like, when you're when I remember being little and like dance, you know, younger, like eight, nine and dancing. And like, it gets to be that again. And I talk a lot about ecstatic dance and my experience there. And just so you know, no, they do believe that because this is what I tell like this is what we talk about on the show is that the whole reason that people are struggling quitting drinking, is because they don't believe that they can someday no longer want it because they're focused on the thought drinking is normal. And so when we kind of could shift that framework to focus on the why, why it's not in alignment with the person that who I am and who I want to be. Now we're making decisions from a whole new place in our brain. Right, we actually have access to solving problems from like a bigger perspective, versus this little tiny alcohol is normal. And now alcohol is this boulder that I can never get around. It's always going to be present. And so you're right. You're the everyone knows everyone knows it's passed. I mean, I don't think they know because it's not in their body yet. But I love this example of this concert. And getting to like, it's almost like the way you're describing. It's like it had this imprint, like on a cellular level that you just can't have access to because alcohol is overriding the whole experience. Yeah, or just like blurring the memory a little bit. It's like you could have this like sharply in focus experience of bliss. And keep that with you longer. If you're not like chemically dampening it. Yeah. Why? Why do you? Why do we think alcohol is so much fun, like when you were talking about these people in Mexico? I remember my first time in Mexico not drinking and it was, I was like, Okay, I'm doing this, like I had to like kind of ground myself into the idea because it was like, had been a bit over a year since I had been drinking. But it was I'd never been back to Mexico since. But it was so much fucking better. Like it was such an amazing experience. But why do we think alcohol is so much fun? I think it lowers I mean, we know it lowers our inhibitions. And so it allows us to say things we wouldn't normally say speak to people we wouldn't normally speak to dance in ways we might not normally give ourselves permission to for the moments in time that we are under the influence. I think we are given or we give ourselves more permission to be more of us. And it's it's not impossible, but it is a little bit harder to give ourselves that permission sometimes without the A chemical gateway, right? But that's sort of the, that's the stuff you and I are hooked on is like, how do we get access to that? And give ourselves that level of permission? Without needing the excuse of, well, you know, tequila, right? Yes. It's so true. It's like, what are all of the thoughts that are in the way of feeling? not connected? Yeah, feeling left out, right. So we want to get to the bottom of those and just disprove them. Yeah, and ecstatic dance is a hugely healing experience. I remember going to my first ecstatic dance. And I was sober. It's like an 11am on Sunday, sometimes kind of thing. And I was in Hawaii and having like a very hippie dippie, hitchhiking around, staying at communes kind of experience, and went to ecstatic dance for the first time. And wow, it was uncomfortable to like, notice, all the judgment, all the self, like, the just the thoughts that we're saying, you know, don't move like that, or like, you know, who's watching or like, there's no escape. There's no like, there's no out, there's no place to go. And like schmooze and talk like, you're there to dance. Like, you don't have to dance, you can sit, you can think you can meditate, you can yoga, whatever, you can walk out, it's not like they've locked you in. But to be present with it, and to give yourself that permission to like, let your body move, let yourself be okay, like you are enough just being who you are in the moment. And that was like a huge breakthrough for me, from who I had been before. And still, I was like, not out of my party phase by any means. But that was one awesome experience of like, oh, there's a lot of doubt. And there's a lot of self judgment going on in my head. And that's not that fun. Yeah, what can I do to change that? And it turns out, alcohol ended up being one of the many things that helped change that. Yeah, yeah. I love that. You're talking about ecstatic dance too, because it's a lot of times too. And I think, you know, you're not a shy person. So it's like, oh, you know, for me, I was like, I'm confident I'm independent. I'm all of these things. And then I took the alcohol away, and I was like, Oh, my God, I gotta be my myself. Like, I thought I love being by myself. And it turns out, I actually do that is a part of me. But it was just giving myself the opportunity to learn a new way to be a little uncomfortable. Like, let it be awkward. And transition like that's the other thing I think alcohol does is it doesn't allow us to transition from one environment to another, we just have to rush to keeping the same. Like, yeah, comfort her comfort level all the time. No, and just that, that sitting back and that presents and my philosophy and theory is the ecstatic dance is going to save the world. It already is. And it already is. I know. So what would you say to people like, I'm obviously anyone listening to this show about this, because you're going from lowering your inhibitions. So you can be kind of more bold or more brave. But that time in between, so you know where you are now, where you're showing up? In the same environments, you haven't changed a ton of the places you're hanging out, maybe you change how late you're staying up. I don't go to bars nearly as often as I used to. Yeah, a lot of the parties I used to go to I don't even get invited to anymore. Really? Yeah. Is that okay? Yeah. I mean, partly that's because I'm never in one place for very long. And so yeah, but I will say the permission is worth cultivating the the way that you allow yourself to be you in whatever state you're in, is worth taking the time to figure out how to access that more readily without alcohol or anything else being the key to it happening. I I like talking to people, I can be extroverted, I am confident a lot of the time and there still are plenty of moments where I feel really socially awkward. And I feel like uncomfortable and I want to go away. And I want to just be alone or like remove myself from a situation like that still happens. But I think my tolerance for it has changed. Because I know that's not a wrongness of me, that doesn't make me bad. That doesn't mean I don't belong here. That is just, you know, whatever my energetic state is, at the moment, I get to choose how to honor that. And sometimes that's going to be be around people, even if you're uncomfortable, and sometimes that's going to be like yo, go cocoon. I spent some time cocooning in the last few weeks, like even being around people and be like, You know what, I just want to be reading a book in my bed, so I'm gonna go do that. And I'm allowed to do that without making myself wrong or feel like FOMO of missing out of something. But yeah, I think it really comes back to that permission of are you allowed are you allowing you herself to feel whatever you're feeling whether that's a high vibe or a low vibe today. And would you be willing to feel that without needing to numb it, whether it's high, high vibe or low? Yeah, yeah. And I think we, we hadn't kind of wrapped this point up on when we did the interview on your show about tuning back into the fact that we do live in cycles and rhythms. And we don't feel the same way all the time. Like you were saying, like, I still get depressed. And I talk about this on the show all the time, like, normalize depression, it is a human emotion. The more we don't normalize it, the scarier it is. And the more we shame it and it compounds, you know, and not to say that there's not spectrums of everything. But yeah, I think it's totally, totally that. I said this, I think in a group, the group coaching program that I'm in that I said, I don't have, since I stopped drinking, and I no longer want alcohol, I don't have the fear of missing out at all anymore. I completely change that for like, everything I do in my life. Yeah, I think that takes a little bit to get to, but yeah, I'm with you. Yeah, I don't know if I had it a ton before. But I really just like, I'm like, No, my like, you know, like my ability to make friends really powerful decisions, has just gotten so much quicker. And like I don't second guess them or hem and haw, it happens. But depends on kind of the phase that I'm in. So tell us a little bit about we can kind of wrap up. I just want to know a little bit about you know, maybe what's present with you for work and how someone could come work with you like who would come work with you? And I know you talked about that a little bit the show. But what's your latest offering? And what do you have going on? Yeah, so I'm not sure when this will air. But one of the things I'm really excited about is I do business strategy, I help people grow their businesses. And that can look like setting up your email list, getting a scheduler, figuring out your marketing, learning how to copyright putting all the pieces of the puzzle together to create a course or program. A lot of my work has a strategic tactical side to it. And my podcast, as you know is called Tactical magic. The other side of that coin is the energetics, the magnetics of your marketing, how you're lining up with allowing people to come and find you, and how you're battling those inner critics or Gremlins or voices that are telling you you shouldn't or you can't, or you won't. Or it's not good enough, or you don't know enough, or whatever the case may be. So one of the things I'm really excited about bringing back in, I'll say or bringing more of it in right now is more of that magic. So I'm starting a series of maybe monthly, we'll see how it goes. Group hypnosis sessions. The first one is happening this month, December 29 2022. There will probably be another one coming up in January, I will let you know. But this one's going to be about impostor syndrome. So we're going to do a group hypnosis session and I'm a certified hypnotherapist certified NLP practitioner, timeline, therapy practitioner, Access Consciousness practitioner. And we're going to bring in some real magic to see what we can do to bring compassion to the part of ourselves that's been convincing us that we're a fraud, or a fake or an imposter. And we're going to consciously flip the script on that and rewrite the new story that is the deeper truth, which is you're being called forward towards whatever you're being called toward, for a reason. And that is not a mistake, and that you do belong on the path that you're on and you are worthy of it. So I'm excited about that. I also have a couple of bigger offerings. I've just, I'm going to announce this Yeah, I have an unlimited coaching package that's now available where people can get access to all of my courses and home study programs, all of my live groups and group memberships and unlimited coaching from me for a year. If somebody wants to know about that they can go to my website and sign up for consultation or reach or people with ease discovery call and we can talk about what that would look like it's kind of a big leap but it is yeah, one of the things I'm really excited about and my six month program magnetic influencer Collective is coming up starting in January. Is that a group program? Yeah, that's a hybrid so people get home study course material, they get a private coaching package of about five sessions and then they also get Yeah, group calls and group co working calls for six months. Amazing. Oh my gosh, I'm so excited for your love this idea of the unlimited and, and coaching and then bringing in the hypnosis to is going to be awesome. This episode will be out before that, I think will go on the live on the 21st. So everyone has access to all that plus, I know you're not going anywhere. Yeah, there's more workshops coming up in January too. So if anybody's listening to this in the future, just Yeah, find them on the website. Well, Oh, yeah, tell me say it again. Sorry. Yeah. wildhearts Rise is where you can find upcoming rise up. And I want to say to that you have an amazing, original Oracle deck. Yes, that because that could Yeah, that was a kind of a passion project that I wanted to make. And I kept trying to find other people to do the art for it. I just really wanted to write it and create it. And it kept falling through it kept not working out. And it's like, okay, Molly, you kind of have a degree in art, like, you could just make the art yourself. And so I did. And it took me about two years to finish the whole project. And then I did a Indiegogo campaign to fund the printing of it. But yeah, it's called the wild hearts raise up Oracle deck. There are many people who deeply love it and gift it to all their favorite people. And yeah, it's fun, very rainbow, kind of lots of consciousness pep talks in there. Yeah, the right, the messages are amazing. I have one I get gifted my, my mother, her first Oracle deck ever, which was the app. So it's really fun. It's so beautiful. And I just love like the story that it was, you know, you created it all over the world, essentially. So it feels really infused with the magic of your, your travels and everything. So, Molly, thank you so much. I know this, this interview is just so in alignment with the last few things that we were talking about, and really just gives us beautiful, your confidence and the that the belief that you know, it is possible to shift one ad and for people to hear it from someone else besides just me. You know, and my clients that will come on the show, and how you know, you have a different lifestyle, like just seeing that it's it happens in all walks of life is just so powerful. This episode is going to inspire so many people. So thank you so much for being here. And we look forward to all of your amazing new adventures to come. So we'll make sure to get on Molly's list. And check out I know she's got a bunch of free offerings and her podcast which everything will be in the show notes. So thank you so much. Molly, thank you so much for having me. And thank you everyone out there for listening. Hi, it's Mary Wagstaff. I want to personally invite you to spend one hour with me one on one. Because you deserve to know what's holding you back is your time, alcohol has had its fair share. We're going to talk about possibilities about how to align your thoughts and actions with your dreams and what matters most to you about why alcohol is no longer suited for the life you want to live. How you can get on the fast track to freedom from alcohol and stay there without deprivation. Follow the link in the show notes or on my website Mary Wagstaff To schedule your complimentary call and get a new perspective on an old habit.