Stop Drinking and Start Living

Ep. #208 The Craving Trail

January 25, 2023 Mary Wagstaff Season 1 Episode 208
Stop Drinking and Start Living
Ep. #208 The Craving Trail
Show Notes Transcript

In today's episode of the podcast, I will be discussing the concept of "awakening beyond alcohol" and how it's just the beginning of a journey towards self-discovery.

I will delve into the process of uncovering one's true self through the use of "craving trail" questions, as a tool to understand and reflect on one's habits, patterns, and triggers.

  • I will be sharing examples with the "craving trail" and 5 shifts process and how it helped me gain insight into my relationship with alcohol.
  • I will be discussing how the "craving trail" questions can be used as a tool to understand and reflect on one's habits, patterns, and triggers related to alcohol.
  • I will be sharing tips on how to effectively use the "craving trail" method to gain insight into one's relationship with alcohol and to move forward in the journey of self-discovery.
  • Additionally, I will touch on the concept of the feminine archetype, as it relates to the journey of self-discovery.

Using the "craving trail" and The 5 Shifts process, you will be able to gain insight into your habits, patterns, and triggers related to alcohol and take the first steps towards putting yourself first and seeing the limitless possibilities that come with self-discovery.

Please take a moment to subscribe,  review and share this proufound work so we can make big lasting change together.  


P.S:  Quitting drinking doesn't take more time, or "being ready", it takes new thinking. Join me in my private coaching program and start applying these shift in real time. Find out more and how to schedule a call HERE.

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Do you ever feel like you're outgrowing alcohol, that you are longing for a deeper connection to life? If alcohol is keeping you playing small and feels like the one area, you just can't figure out you are in the right place. Hi, my name is Mary Wagstaff. I'm a Holistic alcohol coach who ended a 20 year relationship to alcohol without labels, counting days or ever making excuses. Now I help powerful women just like you eliminate their desire to drink on their own terms. In this podcast, we will explore the revolutionary approach of my proven five shifts process that gets alcohol out of your way by breaking all of the rules, and the profound experience that it is to rediscover who you are on the other side of alcohol. I am so thrilled to be your guide. Welcome to your journey of awakening. Hey, welcome back to the show my beautiful listeners, it's Mary Wagstaff, I'm so thrilled that you're here, I am really excited about today's episode, because I feel like this is going to be a really big piece of empowerment for you. So my suggestion would be to take some notes, and you know, actually work this stuff out for yourself. So one of the things I always say is like, you can take in all the information, but unless you apply any of it, then you nothing's going to change. So just know that you actually have to work your mind a little bit, write down some stuff, get clear, and practice the things. So I hope that things are going amazing for you and you enjoy the last episode with Barney, there's going to be more client spotlights to come to get you inspired to see what's really possible for you when you decide to put yourself first. And you know, one of the things I always really want to express, of course, and I think it comes through in the show is that awakening beyond alcohol, right? You're evolving from alcohol, alcohol is just the beginning of a starting point, it's a doorway that is opened up for you the disconnect from really what this life has to offer you that it's been kind of this shallow, shallow grave. There's like the first thing that comes to my mind of possibility, you know, and it's like, Wait, it's like it is this it, you know, and then. And then there is a process of uncovering, and I talked about it in the sacred rebellion episode where sometimes when when one is on the other side of alcohol, there's all these amazing things, I mean, really, like, everything's way better without alcohol, right? It's just like these moments that you miss, and that you have to figure out how to do something new with right, but it's like, you still don't want the alcohol. And so then you're in this place of, you know what I had said it labeled as the wild woman archetype. And the more I study the wild woman, she really is, I think, the embodiment of all the archetypes because it's like the natural essence of who we are. But we're going to talk a little bit more about our archetypal energy today. And honestly, this is something to get excited about. It is a path of curiosity. You know, this, this approach, this method is definitely for women who are really interested in getting to know themselves. And I believe that that's all all of us and all of you. And there's this like feeling that you know, that this is not as good as it gets. Like, because you see it you you look you notice life, you see the the miracle of life. I mean, I always just think about the exchange of nitrogen and how we produce and release more co2 and the trees release more oxygen to feed us and we feed them just like the symbiotic relationships that happen on the planet are so beautiful, and the the silver lining of Lunas wisdom that shines upon us reminding us that that spark of remembrance, those are the times where you're tapping into the wild woman energy when you feel this, this natural, this connection to the nature of who you are. That wasn't created from culture. And I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I don't think it's I don't think it's important to blame culture. I think what's more important is to know that it's a construct and to become aware because there's so many benefits and privileges that we have in this society that we have. So it doesn't have to be black and white. It doesn't have to be all good and bad. It can be the both and like that's why we have disinformation right now. But you know, what would life look like if we were living closer to the earth without You know, all of the craziness and the overwhelm that comes with, with achievement and more bigger, better, you know, and I think that the sky's the limit. But it does take, especially with the bombardment of information in our information age and the technology that we use to get there, and how it's programmed and designed to grab your attention, and alcohol as well. We have to work to manage our minds even more around it, right. So one of my, one of the actions that I take is like, it's too much just too much to manage my mind around everything right around my being a mom around being a wife around having a business around running a household around, like my relationships, and, like, I don't want to manage my mind around media. So I just don't, I just don't watch it. And I think from that, that is the activism in so many ways where it's like, I actually can do this. And I think a lot of people feel like they don't have any choices. And like, the first thing that anyone can do is to grow, grow food, like grow some of your own food, one seed gives you a whole tomato plant, and you can do that anywhere. Right? So it's like we can start to resource from ourselves. And, you know, we vote with our dollars. So that is like a complete soapbox. But I just I want to bring into awareness to take control where you can, which is with your mind, right? Don't dwell in deprivation, dwell in the freedom and the abundance that not drinking gives you right? Because deprivation is just a thought. The only thing that's actually missing from an experience is the actual liquid in a glass of the specific alcohol. Everything else that's there is available to you. And when you focus your mind intentionally on the abundance of the experience that you get to have, you know, you, you're it's like don't dwell on what you don't have you dwell on what you do have, right like that is that is manifestation. Now, does it feel differently in your body? Yes, of course, right? It takes time to adjust. I just went out this weekend for the first time in a while and I got to get dressed up with a girlfriend, I went into the city. And it was Friday the 13th, which is like, just like the day of the Goddess. And there was this really cool show called base, which and if you guys have heard me, I've been talking about my DJ career. And I'm going to another training this week for ecstatic dance DJing I'm so excited, I can't wait to invite you all to a dance online. And in person, it's going to be so much fun, and I'll guide and lead you through a circle so everyone will feel really comfortable in their body and it'll just be a really natural warming up. So I went to this thing called base switch and it was for different female DJs and I got dressed up I got out like a really old short skirt, skirt dress. And it was just so much fun. And, you know, like, I there were people there that there was a cacao ceremony like I wasn't drinking but there was with some people that were and you know, there's this, this invitation when you aren't drinking to experience the the actual reality of what is being offered to in the experience, because when you're drinking you are altering it so you never know and then you chase the drinking, then you trace the drinking instead of chasing your own excitement instead of chasing and following your own inner wisdom. Alright, so we got there early for the cacao ceremony and by like 1230 I've been you know, on a concrete floor and these little boots for a while and I was like my needed to Rasma back in Plus it was a lot of energy that I hadn't been around in a long time. So side note from that is this is kind of the segue into the craving trail. You're craving your urges, your desires, your yearning, your longing is the path to tell you what you what has been hidden from alcohol. And in you've used alcohol to solve all of these same emotion emotional stressors. They all have different solutions, but you just keep using alcohol and so you're putting all of you that has many facets, many layers Is into one box. Okay? And what I have discovered through my studies in the the mystery realms of the feminine, and through my own nature, and through seeing what can happen to a mind that is manipulated. I've seen it both with alcohol and then I've seen it with, even with my own mind through isolation, and media. And when you're like, what are the thoughts that are my own? And it's, it's much easier to find them when you're not in chemically induced. But thank God, I have the awareness, right, because I know now what my when I have a craving or an urge not for alcohol, but for life, right? Or when there's an emotion, I can ask myself these two questions. So these are the two questions to follow the craving trail to the key, the key to the solution of what you have to take personal responsibility for, but not in an overbearing way as a way to meet yourself to meet yourself on the other side of who am I? If I know the answer to these two questions, okay, so the first question is, what is the emotion that I'm trying to relieve every urge or craving mostly, there are some just like habitual things that you just don't even ask about and the decisions already made for you every urge or craving for alcohol, the circumstance that is proceeding that is created by an emotion, so you are trying to relieve or change that emotion. And the second question you're going to ask, once you identify that is, what is the need I am trying to fulfill. And the need you're trying to fulfill is different than just relieving the emotion. Because if you have an emotion that feels heightened, and you're looking for some external shift, the emotion is there, because of a of a lack, there's something that you need to complete. And to come back to more of a neutral, homeostasis, nervous system reset. So for example, I'm going to tell you the emotion, the emotion you're trying to relieve. And then I'm going to tell you what the need is that that you're trying to fulfill. Now, this could be different for everyone. But these are just some examples. So anger is the emotion that I'm trying to relieve. And that might be why you reach for a drink. But underneath you don't realize that what I need, the need I'm trying to fulfill is to be understood, right? So you're angry, you're frustrated, and instead of realizing like that you have this need to be understood, you're feeling misunderstood. You have a drink, and then guess what happens you invalidate that emotion and it never gets resolved. The emotion I'm trying to relieve stress, and the need I'm trying to fulfill is permission to relax, right I need to relax I need to rest my body the emotion I'm trying to relieve as restlessness and the need that I'm trying to fulfill is that I need to get out right I need to move my body I need to like break out of the box. I'm like got a cabin fever over here. I'm surprised I'm not more restless. I must you know, I think restlessness can also come from like, especially like that weekend warrior. I think restlessness comes from not meeting your own needs often throughout the week that we you know, don't bring pleasure into our weekdays and our everyday life and that you can't take care of yourself and have me time and alone time like there has to be this special time. And what I know to be true is that when we relieve those throughout the week and that could be just 510 minutes or an evening bath or a walk by yourself that need to really like break out. It really dissipates you know that and the and the need for that on the weekends or on a Friday or Saturday. And what I also know is that the US is a little sidetrack but what I also know is that the anticipation of alcohol and that you know still being in that kind of party girl mentality builds up that restlessness also. So these do especially at the beginning, the when you're not looking at it You're not looking at it from a from a neutral perspective with curiosity, the the alcohol, the anticipation of the alcohol that happens naturally, just like at a specific time of a day is going to amplify these emotions. And so it's going to feel even more like alcohol is the only solution just because you haven't done anything different. So my invitation is to check out these emotions when you have them, and how you respond to them other times, right? Like, if you're stressed out at work, you know, and maybe you are and there's no judgment, but like more than likely, you're not sneaking into the bathroom to like, have a drink, right? Like, what do you do, when you experience these emotions and the the availability of alcohol isn't there, or you might not even have for whatever reason, because of the time of day or where you are, you might not even your brain might not even go to alcohol, or you're not relieving and solving for these emotions and you're not meeting your own needs, and then that's the build up, right? But chances are, you're a human that exists in the world, I guarantee that you you know, like, especially if you're in a managerial role of your mother, if you're a wife, like you're a partner, the chances are that you've had to mitigate and manage your own emotions somewhere. So there is deep emotional intelligence in you that you can really start to apply during the times when you that are more associated with alcohol. So I'm just gonna go back I have a few more emotions, the emotion I'm trying to relieve as excited, which is so interesting, because excitement we kind of amplify or we want to amplify but a lot of times excitement doesn't need to be amplified, we've just never stopped to actually ask in the need that I'm trying to fulfill as fun or and to enjoy myself to, to like disperse my energy, the emotion that I'm trying to relieve a sadness or depression and so what I need the need that I have, and this is something you have to ask yourself, this is these are going to be different for you is I need to feel comforted, right. I need to feel safe, secure, comfort, love. The emotion I'm trying to relieve as anxious. And so I need to feel grounded, right. And that's the wisdom you've got to take Tara brach calls it the U turn, you've got to take that U turn from where you're looking outside and bring it inside I need to feel grounded. If I'm trying to relieve confusion, I need to what is the need to fulfill as I need to feel clear, I need to like understand I need to bring clarity to a situation. Right. So like for me, sometimes when I get angry or frustrated? I don't know in that moment that I need to be understood. My trigger just goes to like over explaining, right. But if I can take that you turn in and say okay, I need to be understood, I need to understand myself. What is it that I really trying to say here? Why am I even upset? Why did is this even any of my business? Why do I care so much? Is it necessary? Or can I just let it go and see what happens. And most of the time, things just play themselves out. And I'm budding like, and especially when it comes to my relationship, like I'm just budding my snows into like Matthew's business as a grown ass adult, and he can just do whatever, you know, it's like, I create more problems by thinking that I have a better solution than he does when it's under my business. Right? So these are the things that we get to take control of as adults by looking at them. And then the need for alcohol becomes less when you're fulfilling your own needs, right from an embodied way. So then you can ask what is to stop, right? You have to have this pause moment. And alcohol actually gives a lot of room for that. Because there's a lot of steps in between having a craving. And like you know, you're you know, like you if you've already if you're already drinking at night already, like there's many steps in between the craving and like getting alcohol in your body. So there are moments of pause where sometimes if you're triggered by a person's I'm in the LSAT, you you just respond right like you've been in your head all day thinking about alcohol. So you can just ask what does it feel like in my body when I have this? Anger, restlessness, stress, sadness, anxiety, confusion, right? Whatever it is for you, what does it feel like in my body? And you can ask to fulfill the need, what do I need to hear? Like what do I need to hear that would fulfill this need right now. And a lot of times, transitions are great opportunities for this we often are triggered to drink during a transition because there's a new emotion like we've settled into the old emotion from the day and then we want to find a new emotion but there has to be the willingness to find a new way. You don't Want to sit in the deprivation, right? You want to sit in the possibility and the excitement, you have to want to believe something new. So some thoughts around like anger and needing to be understood that I might say to myself, what I need to hear might be, you know, this is important to you, like presencing. Myself, this is important to me, it's normal to be frustrated, right? It's normal, because you see it a different way. And it's normal. But there's more than one way to solve a problem right? Now, you have to be willing to say, because I could hear you right now be like, I mean, when there's a joke in my house, that there's only one way to fold a towel, right? It's like, if you're, if you're going to stand on righteousness, you're just going to lose and be pissed off. And then you're not going to get there, you're not going to get understood, because pushing your point, and overexplaining is just going to push the other person to prove their point, right? So there has to be this willingness for for for maturity, for neutrality for unconditional love. And it's like, at the end, do you want to be right? Or do you want to be happy and really, like, I do want to be happy. At the end of the day, I want to live in a peaceful household. I want to be graceful, I want to be proud of myself, I want to go to bed, knowing that I did the best I could I want to be an example for Emmett, like, these are the questions you have to ask yourself, or is it more important for someone to say, You know what you were right, or to be able to say, I told you so. And that's something that you have to weigh, you know, like, when is it important for me to go and, you know, for me, it's like safety if I or you know, sticking up for someone and injustice, like when what is that boundary for you where it's like, no, I'm going to make this my business or this is not my business. So feeling stressed, I might need to hear it's the end of the day girl, put your feet up like you deserve some time, I like to take a little bit of time be when I like shut my computer down before Emmet walks through the door to just really shift my energy down kind of like downgrade a little bit, reset my nervous system, then I can be fully present for him. So I can just give myself a moment to relax. Or sometimes I'll go for a walk and kind of have that transition in between. I just say go move your body. Like if you need to get out, get out of here, give yourself permission like permission granted go, right? What are all the objections and the excuses you're making from not going and then like, the only way that you can check out and get out is by shutting everything down. Right? And your excuses, like I can't leave, I can't be I gotta be present for my kids or it's not fair, or whatever it is. And then you just check out. And really what happens is the opposite of what you need is the result that you actually create. Right? So instead of saying like, I'm going to take some time for myself to reset my nervous system, so I'm more available for everyone. It's okay, I'm here for you. Right, when you're sad and depressed, you bring in the comfort of the mother. And you have to ask yourself, when you're confused, is what is working? What are you certain about right that you see the willingness to want to seek an answer. And these are all steps that are used through the five shifts process and something that we don't want to put everything into one box. And that's why we don't count days, we don't want to just lump everything together and say it's all the same, because it's not all the same. And in the end, there is presencing your body and your emotions, but the the what you need is going to be different based on your cycles based on your rhythms based on the earth based on the circumstance. And sometimes we do want to just change the circumstance, right? If it's not avoiding or buffering, like, I really want to change my circumstance right now. Because I feel like I there's there's not opportunity here that I want. But I'm not changing my circumstance. And thinking that like I'm just going to automatically be happy, like I need to go and I'll have to put in work if I move and make new community and meet people and so on and so forth. And so I just wanted to show you a little bit how the five shifts and this will be our wrap up. The five shifts work in accordance with the different archetypal energies of your needs that need to be met. And when you try to lump them all into just serving your needs with alcohol, you're gonna fall short. So the first shift is moving from avoidance to acceptance and that's really the wise woman archetype the sage The Crone, right? Like, yes, I can accept this is here and not make it mean anything about me. So we don't want to avoid it. And that's one of the biggest myths that people do is they want to just like I don't want to think about alcohol anymore. I just want it to be go away. Right? Well, you I have to accept that it's there. But then you bring in the maid and energy through curiosity. So instead of conformity and confusion, you bring in curiosity, that fun playfulness of the made and of getting excited about the adventure of awakening. And then moving from shame and judgment to compassion is the energy of the mother and the lover. Moving from quitting to conviction, and committing is the queen is the Huntress is the the energy of the leader, right? Like, no, I'm committed to this, I'm convicted, like, I, I got this no more. And then we move from isolation, to celebration, the celebration of life of our vitality of our raw, wild erotic self. And this is the energy of the wild woman and the mystic in the Enchantress. Now, all of these have their own archetypal energies, but some of them can be combined. And the mystic is like that intuitive. Seeking of the connections of the unseen realms, right, and the alchemist, bringing together the elements in with emotion and manifestation, and aligning it with the moon and the stars and making it so beautiful and so powerful. This is at this is everyday ritual. And I also teach this inside of the program, how you can weave these archetypes and get excited about this, instead of doing the same thing with the same vibration all the time. Because girl, you have got a big life that you haven't yet experienced. And it's all right here for the taking. And I am so thrilled to be your guide to show you how to live into your fullest holist best self through your authenticity, like you in your authentic self is your best self. And you get to express that part of you on the other side of alcohol. So this is just the beginning, the evolution of you your journey of awakening be on alcohol. And so as you go into this week, follow the craving trail to ask, what is the emotion that I'm trying to relieve? And what is the need I'm trying to fulfill? What does that feel like in my body? And what do I need to hear and start to do it on your own and giving yourself permission to learn a new way? Have an amazing week. Hi, it's Mary Wagstaff. I want to personally invite you to spend one hour with me one on one. Because you deserve to know what's holding you back is your time, alcohol has had its fair share. We're going to talk about possibilities about how to align your thoughts and actions with your dreams and what matters most to you about why alcohol is no longer suited for the life you want to live. How you can get on the fast track to freedom from alcohol and stay there without deprivation. Follow the link in the show notes or on my website Mary Wagstaff To schedule your complimentary call and get a new perspective on an old habit.