Did you know it's okay to laugh about your struggles and being drunk? Turns out it's a solution to your reaching your maximum potential.
In today's light hearted, value packed, podcast episode #209, there is a lot of laughing, so don't miss it.
I interview my amazing client, Monica to share her triumph to accessing maximum potential. Monica shares about how growing up in Spain and traveling the world as a dancer, alcohol was never even questioned as something you wouldn't do. It was everywhere, all the time.
As she shifted carriers to land in Germany with her husband and open her own Pilates studio, alcohol become more of a necessity that she felt controlled by. Most days were filled with low energy and anxiety about the beautiful life she had created.
She knew her attempts to do it alone hadn't worked and she needed support because she was exhausted from the daily cycle she was stuck in.
The moment Monica joined my private program, she felt instant relief: The day has finally come, was her thought.
Some of the topics Monica shares from her experience today:
Plus so much more. Come to be inspired, stay to create change.
Monica, thank you for being such an graceful example of what's possible!
Enjoy the show!
End alcohol exhaustion now so you can start enjoying your life again.
Register for the free training, now.
Register Here for The Five Shifts
Do you ever feel like you're outgrowing alcohol, that you are longing for a deeper connection to life? If alcohol is keeping you playing small and feels like the one area, you just can't figure out you are in the right place. Hi, my name is Mary Wagstaff. I'm a Holistic alcohol coach who ended a 20 year relationship to alcohol without labels, counting days or ever making excuses. Now I help powerful women just like you eliminate their desire to drink on their own terms. In this podcast, we will explore the revolutionary approach of my proven five shifts process that gets alcohol out of your way by breaking all of the rules and the profound experience that it is to rediscover who you are on the other side of alcohol. I am so thrilled to be your guide. Welcome to your journey of awakening. Good, good. Okay. Welcome back to the show. My beautiful listeners, I am so thrilled to be bringing you a really inspiring interview today with one of my amazing, just so beautiful, inspiring to me, clients. Monica, thank you so much for being here today. Welcome to the show. Thank you, Mary for the invitation. Because it's so it makes me feel so happy when we can create these full circle moments for people. It's just what does that feel like for you? I mean, it feels amazing. It's so beautiful to have the spirit. You never I never thought it could be such a fulfilling this energy. Is it you always think at the beginning, you will never make it and it's so hard. And And once you're in it flows and it's so to beautiful energy. Yes. Oh my gosh, yeah. And you really exemplify it? Well, I think so. So Monica, why don't we just start by telling our listeners a little bit about you things that you might feel relevant to connect to the audience. Well, I was a professional dancer, through many years, 35 years of my life. I come from Spain, and I travelled a lot through all my life. I studied in different countries and cities, I was in all over in Europe, in USA, I was studying as well in New York, I moved as well back to Europe. So I was always busy. I was a freelance dancer, so I always had to do castings to get any jobs. And I left Spain very young, I was 18. And then at the end, I still stayed in Germany, I have a very good company. Now then at the end, which I stay for 10 years, the last 10 years of my career. And then I opened also a company myself, I was also producing with dancers and musicians. And maybe now seven years ago, I stopped dancing. And, and it was it was inside me it was not because I was getting old I was 43 or something like that i i felt i need to move on to another other things I really was satisfied with I have done and I had the necessity to explore other things, although other fields. So it was also a difficult moment. It took me one year to realize it was a transition year to find myself into other places or also fields. I was able to transition it feels difficult. But now I'm very happy. And now here I just opened. I had two studios of Pilates. And I worked also with personal training very focused into people who have back problems or bodies problems. And I'm very happy with the situation right now. That's amazing. Yeah, I mean, and like I see that for you. Your desire for growth, right? There's, and knowing that the time has come to change, right. There's something else. I was just talking to Matthew, my husband about this this morning saying, whenever I feel resistance to something, I know that I'm curious about that. I know there's resistance there. That to me is such a sign that I've got to go find out that there's more life there's something I don't know, I haven't a new experience I haven't had yet right and and I've experienced that with you and your in your spirit. And it seems like that's kind of what brought you here too. So, so awesome. Yeah, so tell us so. So I just wanted everyone to kind of have a context for who you were and where you are in the world. But tell us a little bit about your alcohol journey and I'm sure how that interweaves into, you know your career and everything too. So Well, first of all, I think starts in Spain, alcohol and drinking wine is a cultural thing. It's seen like, yeah, it's something that cultural, good red wine in Spain is very important to have it in the dinner. So it starts when you're a teenager going out on the weekends, and then getting drunk. Not with wine, but you see it just the alcohol everywhere, every buddy drinks. So it's just normal. And then as teenager, you go out and you get drunk Friday evening, you go to the disco, you get drinks, you dance, and then you get drunk. And this is the the normal thing, what everybody done in that time, when you do what you do in the weekends, you know, and well after that, with the whole dance scene, also many artists goes also into after the stage, you go for the party after the premiere, or whatever. So alcohol was always very involved. And of course, I always liked it to drink. And I always drink alcohol after, after all my performances or, and then slowly, I felt with the time that I was getting, it wasn't adjust, sometimes. So I had the feeling I had to have it regularly. So that it was every day, even if I didn't run so much. But every night to three glasses of wine with a dinner. Because I reserve it I had a hard day and I was working so and then in the pandemic became even worse. I think this was like the top week because then it's not that you go out you have two glasses of wine in the dinner. So you come home with a bottle of wine, of course. And it's easy to finish the bottle. Because I still a little bit so just get no and then you don't have so much work because we were closing the studio. So the whole situation created as as like, in a moment where it was the alcohol was the best I could drink I the best I could do. Right? And of course, then with the time you feel you're suffocating yourself in that idea that you need to drink. Yeah, I think you're not really conscious. You just say, well, everybody does it. No. And tonight I work I function I can do my life. Normally. I saw a night when I come home and I have my two three glasses of wine. And in the weekend, of course more. That's normal, what everybody does. So you don't question yourself so much. You just let it happen like everybody does. Yeah, yeah, you just let it happen. And I think the way you described this progression is so common, it's very unintentional. It's like you start drinking as a kid and we're not. You don't even see any other option. Right? It's just that's what you do. And then it's in your career. And then and then like you before you, you know before you know it, like you said you're suffocating between these two different beliefs, you feel suffocated by it. But at the same time, it's you think it's the best thing for you? No, it's you think it's the only it's all you've kind of got left? Sure. Yeah. And I think that that's the piece of it. That's so hard for some people that at one point, it didn't really feel like a problem, a problem. But the nature of alcohol and then of course, the nature of you as a growing, maturing human on the planet is also going to change and have different needs and your body changes and responds different and we never, we don't factor that in to change. Like, change is always happening. So. So tell us, how long was it apparent to you that you wanted to make a change? Even if it was just something you had been thinking about? That you didn't you weren't liking the results that alcohol was giving you? Well, I guess I always when you have a hangover, the next day you think that said I don't want to drink anymore. And then the days goes by you feel better and you start to drink again. So every I mean every time with a hangover, you're saying you're going to stop this terrible, you feel horrible. You don't want to smell the Asko the outcome and 20 hours later you're drinking again. Yes. And and I think slowly I felt I really felt much more. My energy was getting very low. I was getting not concentrated. I was always very nervous. I felt my body I was I start to observe a myself. How do I feel? But you don't think that this is the alcohol you think that this is you you Getting old, you're tired, you don't have so much energy. And you find 1000 excuses that that's the problem and not the ankle. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And what I find that's really quite sad actually, is that when one drinks regularly 20 3040 years, that low level of energy is what people become used to. And you know, when I meet with people, a lot of times they think, oh, no, alcohol is it's affecting this way. I don't sleep at night, but it doesn't affect all these other things. But what we've come to find out, right is when you take it away, it's like, whoa, like, wow, there I am. Right. So what, what was the point in the decision or the thought, I guess that had you reaching out to do this work? Like, what was the tipping point for you? The tip, I mean, I remember I was in Spain, having a holidays, and I was some I want it to be some days alone. Because then I know my whole family comes and it's like, an explosion. And then I always I have three days by myself before. And three days after they got the I can just come down. And then I think this was the main thing I always wanted to stop. But I always couldn't. And I tried different programs. And I listen to different podcasts, and I read books about it. And I thought, maybe that's my destiny, I will drink until I die. So you think I thought maybe I'm not strong enough that you put yourself in question. And it's not that he didn't, I didn't try it before. But then in I remember in holidays, I say, Okay, what's my next project? And I say, to stop drinking, I don't want to stay every night in the terrace having two, three glasses of wine because I need to drink and not because if alcohol doesn't give you any other option, you have to drink. Yeah. And it's not never enough, a little glass, you always need more. No. And I remember was in this holidays, and I was searching for new information podcasts. I was trying to see maybe I should go to REI. And nothing was convincing me and then I find your podcast. And then I started to listen to your podcast. And then I was I remember, I was putting my headphones on this beach and listening to 567 podcasts. And then I did a meeting with you. And then I thought that it was really like, Finally, no, no, what's the name in English, when you have a ticket, like I have a problem, or I have an alcoholic. With all these words, I already was blocked, I could not enter into another part of my my mind. So all these other programs have to do a lot with these alkalis Mozu problem, whatever now. And the first time I was listening to yours, it was the opposite. It was opening my mind it was like the relationship to alcohol without giving any other meaning wrong, that good or whatever. So it was really like soft. I felt so free by listening these words that I totally, totally get into my body, your words. And then I remember I had a meeting with you and I really felt so that's the words I needed to listen that I'd opened into my mind other fields that I could change something in my mind now. And I remember very well I said after talking to you and having the decision, okay, we'll make a date. When I stop drinking, and I fix a date. I remember I was still in Spain. I remember I woke up and I thought finally the day arrived and I was so happy. And of course is a you have to work a lot in your cell is a project. And but it was never one day that I thought oh my god, why do I do it? It never is like go go forward. Look forward. Yeah. Yeah. And the car the cravings disappeared like everything. Yeah, nothing is forever. We also will be gone. Oh my gosh, it's so good. First of all, I love thinking about you on the beach in Spain listening to the podcast. It's just cool to think that that's happening. But really what I'm hearing you say is that the perspective you had about quitting drinking was so narrow and put You in this other box and felt so restricted that when you because the five shifts process is all about opening your perspective and taking, because what I find with other recovery programs without shame or judgment that alcohol stays at the center. And with this program, which I don't even call a recovery program, it's an awakening program, you go in the center, right? So you in the center of your life, right? And so alcohol can take a backseat for a second. And it's like, Who do I want to become? You know, not in light of alcohol, but in light of myself and my life. Right? So it's like, we're not even making decisions for alcohol anymore. And I'll tell you that experience that you have so many people assume, I always say that signing up, is the first breakthrough because you've made a decision to start to do something new. Right? You made a decision to learn a process. And most people when they get here are in so much relief. They're like, Oh, my gosh, thank God, I finally like the same thing. It's just Yes. And so so much of the desire for alcohol right from that starts to go away just from that decision. It is so powerful. And so many people think that they have to be ready to let it go. But what I what I always remind people is you're ready to let it go. After the process, right? Like now, you can say I've let alcohol go right. And in some of you was ready to change, but you learned how to not want it, you had to learn how to let it that move through the attachment move through the desire, right? And so it's it's like the backwards, right? It's like you can't you can't you don't start a diet. After you lose the 15 pounds, you got to stop no diet and then lose 15 pounds. Right. So exactly. Yeah, yeah. So that's part of it. So tell me, um, because I think it's good to know what challenge I mean, it's pretty obvious what the challenges that you face, like you said, just that you were drinking all the time, but specifically, what challenges were you facing? Like before you started? And then what became much more simple and easier that you thought was impossible? before? Before I stopped drinking, you mean? Yeah, like when you would go out? Or, you know, just this kind of kind of constant mental exhaustion, right? And then what how are you approaching those same exact circumstances differently with, you know, the tools that we were using? Well, the thing is, like, you have to get used to the new situation as well. And I remember also the talks we had, it was like, It's okay, to feel strange and to feel lonely in the beginning, in a conversation when everybody's drunk, and nobody listens to you. It is okay. There is nothing, nothing will happen is okay. And it's at the beginning, it feels a little bit like, Okay, I stay have a water with lemon and I don't know, kind of like you don't want to you're afraid. You're afraid it's normal. If you have a new state of life and a new state of being No, it's normal, you're afraid because you don't know what's going to happen. But then, when this happens, after is more thinking than when you are there. Right? If you prepare yourself and you think oh god and what I'm going to drink, everybody's gonna do it. And then you are their coffee or so and then you stay maybe until two o'clock and that's fine. Is more than I thought we have about it than the moment itself. Exactly. Yeah, exactly. So how did you get yourself in those situations? I mean, that's one of the things is telling yourself, it's just your thoughts, right? It's not you know, that's one of the things we do is like plan ahead of time, how do you want to feel what do you want to pay attention to and focus on while you're there? So just for our listeners to have that as a as even a tool or a tip like when you were going out some of those first times where did you Where did you take your mind instead of fully thinking oh my gosh, I'm not drinking. What was the shift in perspective that you had to have to still enjoy yourself? Well, first of all, I just remember is my choice. I'm choosing not to drink. I can I mean I can over there now a glass of wine I can start again all over again and I will keep on going in a circle my whole life. What do I want that? No. So I have to change something is so I think as soon as I remember It is my choice. Of course I can if I want, but is my choice? What do I want? I want to meet my highest self, I don't want a die thinking, I drank the house of my life away. I want to see the maximum potential potential of myself. I don't want to miss that. It's only one life we have. And I don't want to miss that. Yeah. And I, when you really, I think you focus into that. And I remember I was writing sentences that I always, they were so powerful. The talks I had with you that when I read them, it was right, where there is my choice. What do I want from life? Is this bringing me there now? Okay, then and focus into something else? Yeah. And this helped me a lot. I love that. And I think that it will, what we talk about, right, our thoughts create our emotions, and that is how we drive our actions. So it is so much of the thoughts, I'm going to miss it, it won't be the same. Just those words, when you say them in your brain is the only thing that creates the emotion. Right. And they're like you said, there is a transition period, because it's new. But new, indifferent doesn't have to mean bad. Just new and different way of being with yourself, right? And so when you're thinking those thoughts ahead of time, and you're projecting into forever land, which I always say don't go there, just don't go there right now. Go there, when you know, you're caught more confident. But when you project into forever land, your body is is only reacting to your thoughts. It is not reacting to a real circumstance. Right, right. And so that's so important to point out, it's just your thoughts. And if you keep thinking those thoughts when you're there in the situation, yeah, it's going to feel worse. But if you bring in the thought, This is my choice, I want to maximum potential. Like this is different. And that's okay. You actually literally think those thoughts in your head. They feel so much different. Right? Right. Totally. Hey, what do you just say? It's okay, that this is different. Oh, now I'm just straight. Yeah. So the thought that you when you are admitted, and you don't feel good anymore, you leave. So that's what one you know, it's nothing wrong with that. Everything. Everything is possible. Everything's Yeah. Yeah, cuz you're not staying right. Like those late nights out on the veranda. And you had some of that, right? You had some of those nights visiting and doing all of that stuff. Like you literally just stop doing anything? No, I go out with the only difference is I get bored earlier, because the alcohol keeps you just into a mood. Then at the end, you don't remember anything. When you drink the thing you do remember now everything but then there is a point where you say, Okay, I have enough. I'm tired. Yeah, I go. I go to sleep. It's fine. Right? Yeah. And yeah, different things in a different way of being. No, it's not like when you're drunk. And you do you think that this is fun, but when you watch the others you don't really think through is fun. And when you see it from the outside? No. Oh my gosh. Yeah. That example just tells you to that the alcohol is actually keeping you away from your, your own body's wisdom, right? At MIT, you know, yeah, some nights like I've been out a few times recently, can stay up a little bit later. But then it's like, no, I'm, I'm good. Right? You feel satisfied? And knowing I got what I came for. My body's telling me it's time. Everyone's drunk. I'm out of here. Yeah. Yes, yes. Um, I wanted to ask you a little bit about the embodiment piece of, you know, even being home at night, you know, cooking dinner, or just Trent, you know, transition, that time of transitioning and experiencing the sensations in your body of maybe what those thoughts that we talked about, because getting used to, you have to get what we what we work on is learning how to discern the thoughts that are just thoughts, versus the truth of what you really want. But because those thoughts are there, and they create a sensation in your body, I think is real is what is a challenge for people, then it makes it so real because there's you're experiencing something in your body. And before if you can't look at it from an observer perspective, you have to, you're just like, oh, this is a fact this is real. It's happening in my body. So the brain interprets it as real. So when you're experiencing those sensations for maybe some resistance or you have an urge or craving or just the newness of things, what does that what did that look like for you to be in your in your body and not drink? Well, it feels I mean, it felt always good. Very good. I never had the opposite. You think I'm going to be crabbing? No, the only thing I had, maybe I had the need of more sweet things at the beginning. Something more. Of course the alcohol have so much sugar that you need to compensate that but with two apples and one banana, you're fine. You have the sugar you need. Yeah, so, and you feel so good. I think no, I'm sorry. I think the first month I had quite a headache. I felt like the body's detoxing. Yeah. And it feels a little bit Olsen physically, emotionally. I think it I remember like the first month is kind of like, like a coating that is opening slowly through the mind. Now it's a kind of like a vision of it's okay, you're going there. You feel like carefully going there. But your body feels so good. That there is no question anymore. You just go there. Yeah. Your skin is different. Your eyes are glowing your energy if you have much more energy you sleep wonderful. It's it's only positive things that you feel your body day by day is getting such a so powerful that you don't really question that anymore. Yeah, so it's easier to to allow those thoughts that are there, right, that might calm to just kind of come and go, because you're focusing on how much better you're feeling. And noticing that right? Like, because we're because that's the power of coaching and meeting weekly, right, from the time that we met, is that we get to reinforce those things. And I think when you're on your own, it's easier if you're in your brain and you're in those thoughts, and you're believing this, those thoughts of the habit, those old thoughts, it's easy to override the really positive things. And we want to celebrate that as much as possible, because that's what's going to reinforce your desire. And I love that image of the curtain of your mind opening because it is it's like this whole new world, right? You it's this like, you almost feel like a kid again, like this adventure that you're taking. But when we're little we're not conscious of it, you know, we don't remember being three, four, or five, six, whatever. But as an adult, you get to have this really profound experience of like, seeing life again, for the very first time, almost, I mean, it's really kind of quite magical. So yes, we can share that. Yeah. Go ahead. And what also helps helped me a lot is when we had these meetings and we sometimes this meditation about feeling the emotion what is what is when this thought appears, and this emotion is there, instead of escaping that it is when it's something we don't like, Okay, I don't look at it. I just get the phone or something Instagram, you get busy with other things. Now look at it, don't run away, because then becomes bigger these emotion if you don't. And this kind of meditations were for me the cue to really, as soon as you get into the mansion, you understand them all in motion, and you let it go. It's transformed totally in another energy. And this process for me was like magical. Yeah, really magical. Through all your coaching and feedback in and all these guys. For me, it was magical. I'm so glad it are you know, we've been living with our human emotions for our entire lives, but no one talks about them. They're always just looked at as problems. Right? I feel mad. That's bad. I feel good. That's good, right? So we avoid pain, we seek pleasure. We have no clue what our emotions are telling us. But it's the same as our thoughts when you just sit there to just be with them. Just to sit right just like we're sitting side by side to having a talk. Again, like you said, it releases the energy and then it liberates you and then the energy transforms and the emotion and the thought that came with it loses its power and it is a magical experience. It feels really good and relaxing. Actually. That's what I tell people. This is how you learn to find relief on your own. Right you have a stressful day. And oh, I can I can actually just feel that stress and let it move through me instead of tightening up drinking by carrying it going on the next thing and it is like files up piles and piles up until you can't even think straight anymore. Right? And I think also, the stress you have when you drink is the alcohol itself. Because now I'm stressed even more than before. My business is glowing now since I stopped drinking, because of course, you have much more energy. You were more you give more. So the energy goes back to you. And at the end of the day, I'm super tired, but I'm like, getting home having my tea. And then I'm thinking, Well, I'm, I'm not so stressed like I was before. That all the stress was created by the alcohol itself. That you think oh my gosh, I'm so stressed. I have to have a drink. And then and then I'm so happy I have to have a drink. Oh, I'm terribly tired. I have to have a drink for any situation. Always. Alcohol is welcome. So you know what I mean? And the alcohol itself is what it's what creates the situation? Yeah, yeah. Because all all the all the alcohol business, please. All the corners of everything. Yeah, that you can please everything through alcohol. It's just a wonderful thing, you know. So to dissociate this idea is what it takes time to learn and other ways of seeing that. It's a process is a process just like everything in life. Yeah, processes. Absolutely. So what is your belief now about? So if alcohol doesn't solve all your problems? What is your belief now about that? Well, the alcohol creates all your problems. This is my belief. Now. All the problems I had was created by not sleeping well. Waking up with hangover headache going to, you know, all this stress I had it was created by the alcohol. And this is my belief. Now, do I want that in my life? No way. So get rid of it. Bye. Bye. Yeah, well, I remember one thing you said that was so simple. And it's just the facts. You said, I'm happy. I feel happy right now without alcohol and when with alcohol in my life, right? Not the act of drinking. But with alcohol in my life, I was not happy. Yes, and it's just it's pretty basic. But it's if you can really own that truth. With alcohol, I'm really not happy. I'm, like miserable every day and suffering and suffering even more from the thought of not drinking creates so much suffering. But once you go through the process, which was pretty quick, we got there relatively for drinking for you know, 30 years of your life or more. Yes. It happens so quickly. But you have to be willing to take that, that that then Right? And so So how do you? What do you believe about yourself now that you didn't believe when alcohol was so important that I have the strength to do what I want to do. And I that I have the strength to take a powerful decision, and just go forward with that decision. And before I didn't believe in myself, I thought I am not strong enough. I maybe I have a problem. Maybe it's my destiny, maybe it's my sickness I have is you always try to get things in your mind that believes that. But the belief now is that is only you who can change is yourself. And is a gift you give to yourself. You give is like the best gift you can ever give to yourself in your whole life. And I was I stopped smoking. I was a smoker as well. I stopped drinking coffee as well. But the the biggest biggest sensation for me of freedom was to stop drinking. Yeah, it is such a gift. It really is such a gift that I hope everyone gets to experience. And I think we said about take because I remember you taught saying this a lot is like I take I took the position, I made a choice. And until we actually make a decision and the decision isn't that I'm never drinking again. Right. That wasn't the decision that you made. The decision like makes it helps you take yourself seriously enough that I'm going to show up to do the work right. Like the decision is that I'm going to I'm seeking to change. I mean, I don't know how would you say what the decision really was? The I think the decision was Because I want to meet the highest self. Yes, I want the highest version of myself. And so what? Yeah. What do you need for that? Yeah, I want to see what is the maximum potential of myself? What can I do when I have all my energy? And then I felt, okay, how to change these. And the first thing was, like stopped drinking. The first thing, yes, I knew. So this is so important to point out. So one of the things that we do in the program is we create what's called a belief goal. And I've talked about this on the show. And the belief goal is what because there's not you can feel the difference with alcohol. But because we don't count days here, we know we go through circumstances. There's this belief of your future self, the future self that and you make decisions from that place from your future, right? To meet my highest self, or I know my highest self, so that alcohol, now you're not trying to solve for alcohol, your intention is shifted to go to meet your higher self. And when we know that's not in alignment with the values of meeting your higher self, and that has more heart more inspiration, more motivation, then it just kind of fades away. Like why why would i This is the choice, you know. And so I just want to I think that that's so powerful to point out is like the decision wasn't to be, I'm never drinking again, which, you know, when we've talked about future, the future and everything, but the decision was, I'm here to meet my higher self and to give myself a chance F at knowing my potential in life. And that is between awakening, awakening beyond alcohol. And what you said about all of those, the thoughts of Do I have a problem? Is it my destiny, I had all of that stuff, too. And most of the people listening have as well. And that is one of the biggest detriments that is also wrapped around alcohol in our culture that there's, if you're not drinking, wanting a positive change for yourself, is like something has to be wrong with you. It doesn't even make sense when you talk about it, right? Like, quitting drinking is the best thing that anyone could do for them. Why would something have to be wrong with you, but that narrative is there, and it keeps you stuck? And it keeps big alcohol selling you a bunch of booze, right? I mean, the thing is, like, you feel stuck, I think that's the main energy that you do the same, you work, you come home, then you have two, three drinks, and you go to sleep, and you do nothing else. And you always meet the same people because they drink also. And it's just, it's always it's boring. It's always doing the same. It's like, not at the beginning when you don't drink. Of course you think, okay, I don't, I don't meet anybody. And I just think I will be feel lonely. And you think but it's good to be alone. It's like, actually, it feels great to be alone. So you discover you are afraid of things that after when you did like, but that's great. You know what I mean? And, but I think the I think what is fantastic is the focus you are giving to all this coaching is that as you say the focus is yourself is not the outcome of the cigarettes or whatever drugs are around you is what do you want? You put yourself as the main goal. And this is what is so powerful. Yeah. Oh, yeah, but yeah, and I think this is what me what got me like was like yes, that's what I want to listen. Yeah, that's what's for me the cue to say yes. It's not about quitting or not quitting or whatever is about me. Yeah, and I think this is for most for me the the cue to wow to open myself. Yeah, you put you as the main goal. That is That's it. I mean, that is the that is the truth. And so tell and you know, I think that this is a piece of it because you had to invest your resources right? You had to invest your time you had to invest your money and your time outside of you know, our one on one time together. So what what was making what did it mean to make that kind of investment for yourself? And like, had you ever really done anything like that before? I mean, I know you've done a lot of training and stuff but no, I mean, investing investing money and something like this like okay, stopping drinking alcohol never done it before. And I remember at the beginning, I thought, maybe I can manage alone. I I've had some conversations with you, and you told me Don't give up. Try it. And we find a solution how to manage. And we find a great solution. And I am the most thankful person that I have met you that you were telling me Don't give up. Go through that way. Yeah. So of course, you always try to think, No, maybe not I do it alone, I just research on podcasts and read something I manage alone, you don't manage alone. It's good to have a person you walk in with through this person with a person who have been going through the same. You don't you feel this compromise, it builds such a beautiful energy inside, that gives you the power to go on. You will have you know, you have someone that anytime can listen to you and understand you. And this is very powerful as well. Yeah, yeah. So and, and then I think this is a good to point out too, right? It's like, we all think that I can do it alone. But you haven't, right? If you could do it alone, after 30 years, you would have figured it out, right? And it's not because you don't have the capacity to it's just that the process of coaching is like the person on the other end is only there to help you believe in yourself. Right? I mean, that is my job. 100% is to show you that you can do it. And because I believe in you 100% Right, or I wouldn't invite you to do the work, you don't have a chance right now. Like, because I know and I know how powerful it is. So there's like what you talked about the guidance through the emotional processing, right planning and strategizing, our thoughts together your thoughts and fears that come up and really uncovering what those are? And then like, yeah, that energy of, of continuing to build the, like inspiration for yourself that that momentum for yourself. It's some of the to some of the things I love about coaching, too. What else? What else do you think is the that this, this relationship offers you that you wouldn't get on your own? Well, it and when you are by your own, you are mostly only that dialogue is within your mind. And you know, the mind have always these two sides, which are always arguing or nada to each other. And there is like, okay, stop that. Yeah. And, and to have a coach is like going out of that, of that. And just having a dialogue to somebody else and and giving you this this other possibility, possibility of thinking or feeling or behaving. And not to just stay in your own walls. This makes you to open up to different ways of thoughts thinking. Yeah. Right. Yeah. So it's much it's much more easy as well. It feels it's not like, yeah, it's much more easy to work through. Yeah, yeah, it makes the process more manageable and easier, for sure. And like, you know, I think that the relationship because we're talking about something so intimate. And I'm, you know, I think big, like you said, because I've been through it, it's, it doesn't have to feel so scary, there's that relief of being able to look at it from an honest way that you don't have to make excuses or defend yourself or any of that, that keeps the truth from really just being revealed. And, you know, one of the five, the five shifts are all based on becoming the witness, right, becoming the witness consciousness. And writing is another part of the program. Some people you know, do more than others. But when we get it, like you said out of our mind, and we we hear it, or we see it on paper, or we write it type it out. Now you've detached yourself from it. Now you're not the thought the thought is an object that you can observe. Right? And so I think that that's kind of what you're talking about. It's like the thoughts and the emotions become objects to observe and experience, rather than being so intertwined with it, that they just take you over and you lose your mind and then you go and have a drink. Yes, yes. Yeah. And and the thing also, that one thing I always remember is like, it was so good to drink. Why do I want it to stop? If it was so great to drink, like everybody says, or fields? Why do I want it to stop for so many years? And this brings you back to this moment of, you know, all these things, and I think talking through you, it was for me just like giving another dimension of my thoughts as well. Yeah, yeah, that's a great question. If alcohol is so great, that's a truth with anything. If there's something that you keep coming back to in your life that you're like, Oh, I probably should stop doing that. That's a red flag. Why would you ever keep anything around a friend, a lover a job? Like, life's too short for that shit. So would you say that there's any downside to getting alcohol out of your life? Downside, I mean, I could say that. Maybe I need new friends now. No, it's not. It's not a downside. I think he's another phase of my life. Yeah, but I could see that I had only friends were drinking friends. They were drinkers they were drinking. And then we met for a glass of wine. But it was not about that person. It was about drinking something. And these people disappeared. Which is fine. That's I have no problem with that. I don't, I don't feel lonely at all. I'm very happy to be by myself. I love to spend time with myself. And of course, you feel like in our little hole, kind of like, okay, what's coming next is like, when the moon is full, and then goes down before the new moon start is dark. And you don't see the moon that is coming new. Is this moment of oh, there is no moon, everything is dark. And but then it appears new things new people, new interest. And it's like everything in life is so beautiful transformation of things. No, yeah. And let it go. Let it let it be kind of Yeah, let go and let it go and see what happens. Right. And I just want to say that because I know your story is that you know, you have spent time with your your friends. But it sounds like when it's revealed to you is just knowing who you have more of a connection with and like who you may be never really did have a connection with. Right? Exactly. Now you difference really the people you had they were drinking companions and friends. Now, you know, who are your friends? And who are your drinking companions? Right. And that's, it's good to know that. Yeah, it's good to know that is just, of course you think it's changing things. And it's good news, when something changes in means that new things will happen. So yeah, just to be open to that. Yeah. And that's the thing. It's like changes. I don't you know, change is a good thing. I love the visualization of the moon. It's like the silver lining, right? She always reappears right? Just just when we think it's the darkest hour, the silver lining appears and that, that trust happens only when you get to know yourself when it's you in your body in your life, enjoying spending time by yourself and relishing in that right. And that's different for different people. Everyone's got different energy. But I know for me, and I think you talked about this too. It's like not always wanting to spend time by yourself. And when you were drinking and not really knowing like, how do I spend time by myself and then you do and you give yourself that chance. And it's so wonderful. It's such a welcomed gift to have that experience. But that trust will continue to come and you you're more accepting of change and you're more willing to go through these transformations. When you learn these tools. When you learn how to be with yourself and with your life without altering it all the time. And altering it the need to alter it all the time is just like you said it's just coming from a thought this buildup thought of like freaking out that we can't handle it and it's really not that bad. Not to say that people haven't gone through really hard things and trauma and all of this stuff. But for the most part, you got this like you're strong and it's it's just an emotion, it's just a sensation. You'll figure it out right like you're gonna wake up tomorrow. So what else has transformed in your life? You talked a little bit about your business and you know, just energy and stuff. But where else have you really seen the impact? Just like in some other subtle ways that you were kind of surprised that about that it really affected it When I think the most impact in my work, but because I'm everyday there, and tell us a little bit, tell us a little bit more specifically about how it's impacted your work. Because I think this is really powerful for people to hear, because work is such a big part of our lives, we spend so much time doing it. So tell us from your perspective, how it impacted work. I can't really say it with words why what happened, I just know that from the moment I stopped drinking, my energy also transformed the people there when I was talking to people and relating to people, I was more concentrated, I had more understanding the the feelings you have is different. And you feel much more focused. So I guess all these together made that people felt felt better in the classes, the energy was different. And I guess all these just got together and that influenced that. Then I was attracting people. I will know. There is nothing that I have changed. I am having the same schedule. I'm teaching the same. The only thing I changed is stop drinking. This has changed everything is like a chain. Kind of. Right. Yeah, it's a ripple effect. Yeah. So and, but so your experience, so at work feels different. Because it's energy, right? Yeah. Yeah. And then that's the thing. It's like when we're experiencing more energy in the body, and in your mind and clarity and all that stuff. It's like the energy you're putting out to the universe and to interacting with other people is going to have that impact. So, but on a day to day, it sounds like it's a better experience. Your wins of course, it's it feels amazing when you are in this energy is so you feel so free. And so powerful with that decision as well. So it change. I think, also people they see why Wow, you look different. Have you been holidays? And no, I'm just working 20 hours a day. Kind of liking. Okay, you know, like people see is your friend as well, is it's just because your energy is different. Yeah. And tell us about your first holiday because you had a big birthday and a big holiday since we were working there. So tell us like what you may have thought before? And what actually like not before, but like, not before you went. But before we were working together what you thought that that would have like looked like alcohol free. And then what your actual experience was like. Okay, so before I stopped drinking human. Yeah. Well, I thought okay, we will have a big party with a lot of alcohol. And everybody will be dancing and then the next day we will everybody have hangover. And we will stay two days in, in the house because for sure we have hangovers. And and that's it. Kind of No. And now I'd rent a house in the south of Spain and invite everybody and I was afraid to say to everybody that at the beginning, I was afraid. Please don't give me any alcohol for present. I'm not drinking alcohol. So everybody was like what? And I say is you can drink as much as you want. I want I don't have any problem. I can drink. You can get drunk. You can get waste is your body, do whatever you want. But I will not drink. But you can I mean at least one glass of wine for for just for your birthday. No, it's fine. I'm not suffering. I'm not going to jump off because I don't have a glass of wine. Because the people was like How could you cannot drink in your birthday? No. So was and then at the end. People were drinking some people got drunk. We were dancing. I had my one liter of water with lemon and some tea and some other drinks without alcohol. And it was so beautiful to say I go to sleep and I remember everything. And I will wake up tomorrow and I will not have headache. And I woke up the next day and I was really like, I have no headache. It's so nice. Yeah. And it was beautiful. You are more afraid about the thought what will happen that the city ritual itself. Yeah, what did that feel like that day of like celebrating your birthday? Because it was a big birthday, right? Like a big transition day. Everyone's there like, what did that mean to you? For me, it means like, is a news cycle of my life? And give it was, it was kind of like I, this is my present to myself to stop drinking. And through that I'm going to give a new cycle of my life. Something new will come and will develop some words, or maybe not. But at the moment, that's what I want to do. Yeah, and it's very well, wonderful. That's a wonderful, yeah, I love that I'm not suffering. And that's the truth. When you really look like you have to look at the facts around alcohol, you have to really look at, you know, because people really hold on to like, I just wish I could drink moderate, I just wish I could have that one drink. And then you know, and it's like, well, why, right? We want to know, what is that one drink? How is that going to change your experience? Even if even if you could, right? And the truth is that you'd be thinking about it all the time. But, but so what right and because when you look at the facts, your mind is going to continue to suffer, create suffering, when alcohol is involved. 100% If you want to moderate, you're going to have to always be thinking about it. Or you could choose to just say, sia hit the road, and not be suffering at all and not have to think about it at all right? Because going from you know, it's only been three months more a little bit more than three months, maybe most four months since we started. Yes. Where are you? I mean, it was like you're thinking about alcohol every day. Right to Where are you now? Now I think about alcohol maybe once a week, when I go out and we go for dinner on a special occasion. Well, everybody's doing thinking, right. Yeah. And what's your thought? What's the quote The difference though? In the thinking? The thought about? Yeah, oh, yeah. The thought is like I first I say, I'm gonna say, Wow, everybody's drinking. Right? And the first thing and I've done that, okay, that's fine, then I'm the only one with no drinking. Okay. Yeah. Right. So that's the thing. It's not like, you alcohol exists. So you're gonna have I mean, still to me, you know, it's been many years. And I notice when I go like, I'm going to a dinner tomorrow night, and everyone will be drinking. It's, you know, in the city. It's a restaurant on a Friday night people are going to be drinking. But like, I My thought is just that people are drinking. It's not I wish I was drinking or I can't drink or this is so hard, right? So it's just the thought that's an observation, and not a thought that creates deprivation. Not at all. It's just because you suffer more while you drink than when you stop drinking. Yeah. Because you're always controlling trying to control. Okay, it's five o'clock. No, no, I cannot start now having a glass of wine. I will start at seven because then attend. So I only have two glasses of wine and a half. Because tomorrow you wake up at six and have to work. And then drink three, because there's always one more. And. And then, yeah, all day busy about when are you going to drink? How much are you going to drink? And what are you going to do the next day and you are suffering much more controlling the alcohol than when you stop when you stop? It's like Ah, finally, finally. Yeah, is is a liberation. It's really so freedom. So if if someone who's listening because I just talked to someone yesterday who had said this, someone who's listening thought I could never do that I could never go out to dinner and not have a drink. What would you say to them? That's that's their beliefs. But that's not the truth. I mean, I think that you can change your, your beliefs by changing your thoughts. Right. And if you believe that you can do it, you will do it. Right. Yeah. So and I think some people sometimes we not I'm not giving any criticize to people. I'm introducing myself into that. Yeah, that sometimes I we stay in position because it's comfortable. It's easier to say, ah, is more comfortable that I have a problem, but maybe it's my destiny and I cannot do that. Right. That's in big bodies. This is fear as well. To become comfortable. It's fear behind. Yeah, and some, maybe we need to another time or we need time to get ready Eat, to understand that it's also possible is a matter of the period of your life you're living as well. Yeah, yeah, it is true. I mean, but the you know, and I do think that you're absolutely right, like such so much wisdom there, it's just like the comfort, the comfort of suffering, feels, you think that it's better than the than just the, the little bit of newness to change, right? And if you can know that and have that awareness is the reason that that feels scary is just because it's different. And you've gotten so comfortable in this state. And that's not like, that's a sad, right. And I mean, I was there, it's like, we get comfortable in the state of, of suffering and this thing kind of controlling our daily actions, right. So, you know, one of the things you had told me because I think the power is in now, right? Like, it's not going to be it's actually going to be harder, the longer that time goes by but like you said, there's a season for everything. And but if someone's listening to this show, they have the awareness, right. And one of the things that you said to me was, why did I wait so long? You know, and then I asked you, why did you wait so long? Do you remember what you told me? No, I don't because I didn't meet you, I think. Yeah, it wasn't because I didn't know that I could do it this way. Right? Because, yes, it was so much more simple. Not that it you there was no work you had to do. But it was so much more simple than you were telling yourself. It was. Yes. Right. And I think I think the cue is through the approach you do is like you put themselves at the center, and not the alcohol or not the whatever else. Any problem around and that's, I think the cue do make it possible. Yeah. Yeah, it's so true. And like, that's the thing we don't if we don't know, there's another option. How can we do it right? It just feels like sophomore suffering. I'm now I have to be like an alcoholic. And I've got to feel terrible about it. It's just it's just a thought. It's just a belief. Like, personally, for me what I think about alcohol, and I probably said this on the show, I think it's classy. I think it's sexy. I like not drinking. I think it's like wise like I just for me, I put all of these characteristics with it of the woman that I wanted to be alcohol free. I wanted to go party still, I wanted to have a good time and look good and glowing. And then I just did it. And they didn't wait for permission. And like the no one stopped me like know what nothing happened. They just Yeah, yeah. And now you get to do it, too. Yeah, yeah. So just to wrap up just so much. Congratulations on your amazing success. It's been such an honor and a privilege to work with you and to see you just like love your life. It's amazing. What would you what advice would you give to someone who had been who's like been thinking about taking this leap to get on a call just to do something different? With the program? What would you say to them? To people who haven't, that they are not in the program, you might like to people that have been kind of on the fence about maybe signing up and taking that first step? Yeah. Well, I will say to, to them, you can only change something by changing things in yourself like, don't do the same like you always do, just listening to the same things reading to the same thing. So try try to open new visions of the same issues. And if you think and even if you're scared, just do it. What is a failure a failure is a learning process. So it's better to fail than not to try at least you know that that's not the way for you you will have to find another way. But it's like at the end, I think is the is the important thing is like is this the life I want to live? That do I have to question yourself because at the end when we all die and our energy will transform to something else. But in the moment we are dying, I think are transforming I think the question we will all be will ask ourselves did I live the life I want to live and I think this is the only moment you can really die in peace with yourself to say yes, i i try the best of myself. I could do it Beautiful. That's so true. Yeah. So try it. It's no regrets, right? And without shame, right? I mean, we just move forward and know that it's all just different experiences. But when we don't change, like I said, if there's resistance, if there's something, there's more life, there's something. And if you make it to the other side, and you're like, that's not for me, then go back, right? But chances are sure, and there was the will, this will bring you somewhere else. Nothing, everything you're done. Even you think it was not the right thing. This knowledge had brought you to somewhere else, is nothing more than for nothing. I believe that in life, so even if you say, Oh, this was not the right thing, or that's not for me, that knowledge is already enough to know what you will select for the next time. Yeah, yeah, that's right. Try and do it. Do it. It's you will love it. Do you hear Monica? She's laughing. We just laugh all the time. And it's great. And just all of this energy. I know this is just like coming through the sound waves. So Monica, thank you so much for your time and your wisdom and all of your hard work and all the beauty that you're putting out into the world helping people be healthy and love their bodies and love their life and feel good in themselves. And I just can't wait to see all the other amazing things that you do. So thank you for being here. Thank you you for the invitation. Mary thanks a lot. Bye everyone. Hi, it's Mary Wagstaff. I want to personally invite you to spend one hour with me one on one. Because you deserve to know what's holding you back is your time, alcohol has had its fair share. We're going to talk about possibilities about how to align your thoughts and actions with your dreams and what matters most to you about why alcohol is no longer suited for the life you want to live. How you can get on the fast track to freedom from alcohol and stay there without deprivation. Follow the link in the show notes or on my website Mary Wagstaff coach.com To schedule your complimentary call and get a new perspective on an old habit.