In today's raw and vulnerable interview the Sober Queen, Connie McMillan, talks of her miraculous story of literally choking on a drink after asking God to help her stop desiring alcohol. To her it was an unmistakable sign that her prayers had be answered and from that deep knowing, connection and listening, to her higher power she made the decision to take heed and never drink again. With a hand to God, she is living her life every step of the way by trusting the signs and messages she is receiving that have given her the inspiration and courage to step fully into her personal Queendom. From a life of hardship and struggles to inspiring Kings and Queens thought her own coaching and speaking, she is truly living a life of purpose, that keeps her moving forward in service, even through pain.
Queen Connie, thank you!!
Find out more about Connie McMillian On her website HERE
On her podcast Sober Sessions
On Facebook @sobrietyqueenconnie
On Instagram @sobriety_queen_connie
Check out her book: Alcohol Fiend To Sobriety Queen
Transform your relationship with alcohol by focusing on yourself. Discover how to fulfill your needs without alcohol's help. Understand your body's signals, leverage your emotions, and expand your desires for real, lasting pleasure.
Join "The Naturally Sober Woman" self-study course, where you'll learn everything I teach my clients in a compact, affordable, lifetime access package.
Transform your relationship with alcohol by focusing on yourself. Discover how to fulfill your needs without alcohol's help. Understand your body's signals, leverage your emotions, and expand your desires for real, lasting pleasure.
Join "The Naturally Sober Woman" self-study course, where you'll learn everything I teach my clients in a compact, affordable, lifetime access package.
In today's raw and vulnerable interview the Sober Queen, Connie McMillan, talks of her miraculous story of literally choking on a drink after asking God to help her stop desiring alcohol. To her it was an unmistakable sign that her prayers had be answered and from that deep knowing, connection and listening, to her higher power she made the decision to take heed and never drink again. With a hand to God, she is living her life every step of the way by trusting the signs and messages she is receiving that have given her the inspiration and courage to step fully into her personal Queendom. From a life of hardship and struggles to inspiring Kings and Queens thought her own coaching and speaking, she is truly living a life of purpose, that keeps her moving forward in service, even through pain.
Queen Connie, thank you!!
Find out more about Connie McMillian On her website HERE
On her podcast Sober Sessions
On Facebook @sobrietyqueenconnie
On Instagram @sobriety_queen_connie
Check out her book: Alcohol Fiend To Sobriety Queen
Transform your relationship with alcohol by focusing on yourself. Discover how to fulfill your needs without alcohol's help. Understand your body's signals, leverage your emotions, and expand your desires for real, lasting pleasure.
Join "The Naturally Sober Woman" self-study course, where you'll learn everything I teach my clients in a compact, affordable, lifetime access package.
Transform your relationship with alcohol by focusing on yourself. Discover how to fulfill your needs without alcohol's help. Understand your body's signals, leverage your emotions, and expand your desires for real, lasting pleasure.
Join "The Naturally Sober Woman" self-study course, where you'll learn everything I teach my clients in a compact, affordable, lifetime access package.
Welcome welcome. My name is Mary Wagstaff. I am a life coach. Who ended a 20 year relationship with alcohol without labels, counting days, or ever making excuses. In this podcast, we will explore my revolutionary approach to quitting alcohol, that breaks. All the rules, amazing stories from women who are throwing a better party because of it and how you can stop drinking and start living.
The show is not a substitute for rehabilitate medical treatment or advice of please talk to a health professional. If your alcohol consumption is in risk to your mental, physical health now on with the show.
Welcome back my beautiful listeners for another episode of stop drinking and start living. I am thrilled to be showcasing the beautiful queen Connie Macmillan today. She is a true inspiration. She, was, deem the sober queen by her sister, she took it and ran with it. The thing I love most about her story is, is the truth, that miracles are possible. And really when we shift our perspective into any situation, that is what creates a miracle. She had a like a real beautiful, crazy miracle. And now she's out helping other Kings and Queens on their journey of sobriety and just really next leveling their life and showing up with the essence of God.
, her creator of source by her side. Connie, I just wanted to say thank you so much for being a queen in the world for being an example of what's possible and for sharing your story with us today. I just wanted to talk about one of the pillars of change that I work with.
I think that if you've been listening for a while, you know that I am a holistic life and alcohol coach. So I work with my clients, mind, body, heart, and spirit. We use the mind as the tool to create the desires of the heart to really manifest that, how we want to really live in the world. And so it's kind of a process of working backwards and unraveling the layers of stories and conditioning and limiting beliefs labeling created by the world.
Like all the things that we didn't really sign up for. We've lived into, and we kind of get to this place where it's like, you know what. Alcohol is now a thing that's no longer working for me. And I really want to explore and see what's possible and live into possibility of the future, rather than just thoughts of a limiting past.
One of the pillars that I really start working with is this idea of loving what is, and that as long as our basic needs are met, Can you look at everything else as a bonus. It's when we get caught up with our measure of success, being the conditioned outer world, right? There's all of this striving and purpose and next leveling.
My invitation is that we measure our success in joy. From that place we can achieve and accomplish other things that end up being a bonus to our lives. We have everything in this moment that we need to survive. And in this moment we have the choice and the capacity to experience joy and happiness.
And we will never be whole total or fulfilled if we're always striving for the next best thing and missing what's right in front of us. Because as we've been shown so drastically with this pandemic, that the future is a story yet untold. So if we're always living there and we're never satisfied with the moment.
Then we miss out on the magic of our lives, have the opportunity to take it cathartic breath, to relax, to look at the clouds, to see the sun, to understand our process as being part of an integral whole to expand our awareness outside of the wrapping and the trappings of the ego. Right. We got to get out of that place out of being the center of the universe.
We. We create the universe from the center, but we are a piece of all of it. And so every moment holds the capacity for us to experience abundance, joy, and love. The earth of in and of herself is innately, abundant. Everything else is a construct. And remember that wherever you go, there you are. And that you take your mind with you.
So it doesn't matter if you. You know, have 10,000 followers on Instagram or you buy that dream house or you find your soul mate, if in this moment you can't experience joy and happiness, then that thing outside of you won't create that for you. It might have a momentary, false pleasure, but your thoughts.
And that conditioned patterning will go with you. You don't buy a new car and all of the sudden your, but limiting beliefs about your self worth are gone, right? It's a momentary buffer, if you will. So it just, just like alcohol, it it's a momentary pleasure fix, but all the, all of the conditioned, all of the beliefs are just right there waiting for you when the newness.
Fades. So my invitation for you, my beautiful listeners over this next week is to just see, what can you do lean into of what is ask yourself are my basic needs met? And then what else is a bonus to your life and lead into that for inspiration show up for that. And maybe the desire to run away from your emotions by drinking will start to fade because you'll realize you have everything that you need.
And by being clear and present with that through not drinking, you can actually experience the fullness and the abundance of your life already, just as it is, enjoy the interview. Have a wonderful day. I would love, love, love to talk to you if you're ready to take the next step and starting to unravel your mind and your relationship with alcohol, which is just a reworking through observation.
I work one-on-one live with individuals weekly through coaching, where we really start to unravel the process together because sometimes it's getting yourself to do that work on your own that does take some, discipline and a real commitment. But when you have the accountability of a coach on the other end, you get to start to expedite the process and really reading those thoughts and those conditioned beliefs to the surface.
So you can so that they can start to lose their power. Have a wonderful week go to the website, Mary Wagstaff, coach.com and we'll talk soon. Bye bye. Welcome Matt. Beautiful listeners. Thank you so much for being here for another inspired episode of stop drinking and start living. I am so thrilled to have another one of our events.
Inspired guests on today, do not only share her story, but to share the amazing work that she is doing in the world. So today we have on beautiful queen Connie Macmillan County. Thank you so much for being here. I'm so excited to get to meet you and know your story a little bit more just to have you share your offerings with, with the audience.
So thanks so much for being here. How are you? Thank you. I am great. Thank you so much for having me. It is truly, truly humbling. Thank you. Oh my gosh. It's so exciting. Um, so kind of, I like to start out by just having our guests kind of give us their personal bio of themselves. So just tell our audience a little bit about.
What you're up to in the world today and the magic, the queen magic that you're spreading, Oh, once a day, it's different from the past once a day, I'm definitely helping the Queens see themselves as Queens, you know, put it away, the old thinking, you know, those negative thoughts that we've had, you know, especially when we were drinking, right.
We thought different things. We allowed different experiences to come our way because we just didn't know it. So these days I'm literally teaching Queens that you are purpose, not pain. I do my book through my podcast as well. I do speaking engagements one on one trainings. Um, it's truly, truly an honor. I know what it is to walk that life and if I can help in any way so that Queens can live their purpose.
Um, I want to be able to do that. I love that so much. Thank you. And it's such an amazing get, like we were saying a little bit before the call that it's really a gift to be able to share, to use your story and to use your journey to now. Help lift up others and, you know, guide them along to find that same inner strength because we all have that inside of us.
And I think that we're really in this, in this new paradigm where it's not like, let me tell you how to do it, but it's like, let me help you find your way. That's more authentic to yourself. What about alcohol in a way? Um, so. What, um, tell us, let's take a little bit of a journey for you and your personal story of your drinking journey.
Cause I do think that this really helps our listeners to kind of see how far in your queendom you have come self. Tell us a little bit about your beginning relationship to alcohol. Wow. Go really, really, really deep for you guys. So I was really young when I initially took my first drink. I want to say.
Maybe, and I'm guessing here don't quote me necessarily. Maybe I was about 10 or 11 and my favorite uncle. He's no longer here. He gave me a cup of wine, but told me that it was Koolaid. And I was like Kool-Aid of course after I tasted it, I remember my mom said something like you better not be giving my daughter no one it off.
And then I can recall, you know, years later, I want to say. Like in my early twenties, I took my first drink. And so from the time that I was about, you know, the age I spoke of 10 or 11, um, to about early twenties, I suffered with low self esteem. I literally did not love myself. I saw myself as, you know, dark and ugly.
And I could see that, that time at that left back in second grade. So I was battling with just these inner demons, if you will. Um, it wasn't as if my family, you know, co-sign that they would tell me things like, you know, you're a beautiful black girl and it was just me not believing in myself. So I remember I went out drinking with my two girlfriends and we went to red lobster.
I remember. And, um, We had these really tall cups and I was just all excited about these cups. And I remember taking my first sip. Once I took that first zip, it was like, it was like something. Well, they opened up inside me like an awakening. I felt something that I had never felt ever in my life. And I did not want to lose that feeling.
That was the start of my drinking. And, you know, from there, I just encountered different relationships. A lot of my friends, I was once married my ex husband and I drank that was definitely the foundation of our relationship. And I just saw alcohol as something to add value to me. Um, I found a way to mask the pain that I was going.
And so it became like, you know, my confidant, it became my everything. And, um, not realizing that, you know, it comes across as that. It seems as though life is good. Not realizing over time. You will find out that alcohol is the enemy. It is not your friend whatsoever. And it did come, it came much later, but it just caught.
Hmm. Beautiful. It's so insane. I'm so glad you said that the way you did, like something opened up inside of me. And I've thought about this parallel a lot, because I know you talk a lot about spirituality, um, in your journey and in your program. And I do as well. And you know, it's, it's unique unto whoever every individual has their own connection.
I believe with spirit and there's no right or wrong way to do it, but it's almost like. We're so confined by the outer world and society that you do find that sense of permission to let go in the early stages of alcohol. Like it does almost tap you into something of like, Oh, I don't have to live in these confines, but then you realize, yes, it's the enemy it's taking over and draining the life out of me.
And then we tune into the real way to. Find self through at right. And it's like, it's a really interesting parallel because I had that very similar experience and I find a lot of people do. It's like, Oh, wow. It really makes me feel more alive for a short amount of time. It's a false pleasure, you know, and literally I love that.
You said that cause that's exactly what it is. We don't see it at first. You know, again, our friends are doing it. We're literally drawn to people. You're not even realizing it, but you're, you're really attracted to people that are literally hurting the way you are and massive they're paying you are who, you know, you're tracking where you are.
And at that time you don't see it. I know I did it. And so. It was like, you know, I remember I worked at this job and this was early on in my Christianity. Um, and I didn't want to drink, I didn't want to hang out with my coworkers. And it was, it was like the pressure, like, I guess in their eyes I was uptight.
So, you know, um, again, this is before I started drinking, so I must've been like, I don't know, like maybe. I don't know, 18, 19, and we had gone out and they were like maybe 20. I'm sorry. So we went out to, after, after work for drinks and initially I would say, no, I'm not drinking. I'm not drinking. So it was like $2 Tuesday or whatever, some whatever, happy hour, you know, invitation they had.
And I would be like, no, I'm not drinking. I'm not drinking. And then over time I got worn down, you know, and again, it was just like, You have that drink and it just opens up something, your friends started saying things like, you're amazing. This is why you need to have a drink. You know, in some people's eyes is like, you're, you're corny or you're boring.
And then, you know, again, through pressure, you feel like, well, I've gotta be accepted. So let me take a drink. Let me, let me key to what my friends are saying or my family, whomever it is. And then you you're put in this situation before, you know, it. It just, it ruins your life. It literally you've started making horrible decisions.
Um, you, you lose self and it's just really, it's really, really bad, but you know, I thank God that all that happened. I'm not, you know, I'm not. I'm not, I'm not upset that it happened because it had to happen. I thank God I got through it. We say that, but it had to happen so that that breakdown had to come.
So I could really get to the root of the problem, which was self esteem. That was the root of the problem. So at least I got to that. Um, I don't think I ever would have addressed that. You know, the drinking opened up me even, you know, putting myself in. Harm's way. So I would go out with people under the influence, it got to the place where, you know, I was like, if that, sometimes that wasn't enough.
So I had to impress people even more and I would buy these fancy clothes, minks and red bottom shoes. Who was it? It was just getting so crazy. It was just like, no matter what I did, I was not satisfied. I could not, you know, Really find that happiness. So the whole didn't serve the clothes didn't serve. So you do have to hit that rock bottom and it came, it literally did come.
Yeah, I it's, um, it's great to point out to people that it's like, no matter what you seek, it's never the things outside of ourselves that are going to create that internal contentment. We have to really do that work inside. Um, so if you wouldn't mind sharing what, um, what was the kind of pivot point where you really realized like, okay, alcohol is just not the way anymore.
I mean, it was a number of things, so. My mom was really sick. My mom's was a functional alcoholic, so my mom died as result to alcohol. Abuse use independency. So my mom was getting really sick. My sister was incarcerated and I was just in a horrible marriage, but on the outside, I was make it seem as though we were just this perfect couple that in itself is exhausting.
So there I was getting hit from so many areas telling you I was again, trying to mask it with alcohol, trying to mask it for clothes. I was giving out so much. That I had nothing inside and that's impossible. You can't give from an empty cup. Can't pour from an empty cup. So I'm giving here. Um, you know, my mom was, as I said, was getting sick and she was missing my sister.
So there would be holidays as we're very, very family oriented. So, you know, Thanksgiving and Christmas to be in around each other. So yeah, I have to try to overcompensate, so my mom wouldn't feel as depressed. I'm trying to get her mind off the fact that her firstborn child is not here at these beautiful celebration.
So I would again bring alcohol because it was a celebration. That's how we celebrated as a family. So, you know, other family members would come over was by the end of the night, we'd be drunk with it. And it would just be a hot mess, but that was our way of celebrating. And so we did that and again, the marriage, it was just.
It was just going, I should have gotten out of that sooner than what I did. I stayed there five years. So it got to a point where, you know, my mom was literally on her deathbed and the marriage was dissolving. Um, my sister not being present. And I just said to myself, girl, how many, how many more things have happened before you're going to wake up and see that this is a problem.
So I wind up what happened first was I wound up getting a separation and then getting a divorce. So that was the first, part of, you know, getting a little bit of an awakening and making that step forward to really say I need help. And then my sister wind up coming home from jail. , But things were very Rocky, of course, because now she's not stable and we've got a F a family pulls together and get her together.
So that itself can be a lot mentally, emotionally. Um, my mom, again, still being then the second thing that happened was my mom passes away. So I'm like, this is just too much for me. This is like, I'm going to lose my mind during this, my rock, everything. And, um, I literally, at this point, because I got into separation now, the bores, my mom's not really in the grave because that's a different story that during the time when she passed away, the ground was just, it was frozen.
It was in January. And so she had this, her body had to be in a room mausoleum, so she couldn't even be very technically. And I moved out to New Jersey where I was I now. And it was in that space. Now I'm alone. I'm away from everybody, all the noises drowned out and I always had a relationship with that.
So it was in that space, that quiet space, that space, where I could take responsibility for my actions regarding, you know, all the beat drug activities that I did. My, you know, my part that I played in the marriage, but I definitely made a part too. Um, I got that time to just spend with that and say to him, listen, I need you to help me.
I need you. To help me because this alcohol is going to kill me. I'm not going to be here. You know, this is not the way I want to live my life. So if you don't take the taste out of my heart, my mouth and my mind, and I was very specific because I knew I had to be specific. And I'm like that. Even with my clients, if you want something, you've got to verbalize it.
Right. Or whichever ways, if you want to write it out, but you can't like do the flow. Hmm. And, uh, so I said my heart because I really did love the relationship. We had it wasn't good, but I loved it my mouth, because that's where it went to with what's my map. I remember, you know, my tastes was getting all watery and all that, you know, so I knew then, and then.
My heart, my mind, my mind, because I thought about alcohol. I would sit back and say, you know, what, um, what kind of events could I go to where alcohol could be there? Those were my thoughts. So I had to be specific when I said that. And that's what it was, you know, it wasn't like, you know, God just like said, okay, well, you know, Glen, you know, you're not going to drink and get it's in it.
It's like, But he did definitely step in. I believe that, you know, when you get honest with yourself, um, as I said, you can't do fluff. It happens when it doesn't happen immediately, but it does come. And for me, it did come in that space, in that environment I had to get outside of Brooklyn. Cause I'm originally from Brooklyn, New York.
And I had to repin them. A lot of things I had to get me clear. I have to confess a lot of things within myself. So that one particular night I'm in my home. And I remember, you know, remember, even though I asked that and I asked God to do that, I'm still at the flush is very weak. You still got to want it.
Your temptation's going to be there. So there was a liquor store as there is on just about every corner. Um, I went to the liquor store, which I had done before. I can remember praying and asking God previously, you know, don't let me do this. Don't let me do this. And I want to just pause and encourage people, you know, whatever your method is, whoever your higher power is, mine is Jesus Christ, but don't give up on, you know, you're, you're reaching out on the, I said to be, you know, chance to parent and be consistent and, you know, and, and be vulnerable.
Yes. But don't think don't let those signs be signs of, it's not going to happen. Just stay consistent in your way of doing things. So anyway, um, This particular sign. I went and got my regular, that I normally get, which was long Island ice tea. And I came back to my house and I used to work at a bar. I had one side as well.
So I did what we did at the bar. And I put my glass inside the freezer. Let it get a little frosty. Well, months later I pulled it out. I put the long Island ice tea inside the glass and sat on my bed. I have remote in one hand wine glass on the other and took one sip. And this was probably from the time I prayed to this point.
It's maybe like a week later give or take and I'm sitting on my bed. I take one sip and I begin to choke. No, that had never happened in my life. I mean, I can swallow with the best son, so that never happened. So I'm more like, why am I joking? I'm like, okay, we'll make it without a wrong. Maybe I drank too fast.
So I started coughing. I still have the remote in my hand. I still have the glass in my other hand and homeless later I could breathe again and I take another sip and the exact same thing happened. And I recall dropping the glass, wrapping the remote control and just crying for me that I said that God answered my prayer.
And you know, again, that had never happened. Those, those instances had never had it happened. And I knew that I couldn't stop on my own and I wasn't going to try it third time because I thought if I did that, I would just die. So I just was like, I hate it to the side. And for me, that's what it was. I never picked up again after that.
Wow. That's an amazing story. It's almost like when you take. That PR took the personal responsibility opened up and got clearer. Like you opened up that channel to receiving the messages and then like, for that alignment inside of yourself, that queen nearby itself to hear the answer, to see the answer when it was there, you know, cause sometimes it's like the signs are there, but we were absolutely right.
Wow. That is an amazing, amazing story. Um, thank you so much for sharing that. And I'm just so proud of you. I just like, am so excited for everyone that just heeds those signs and says no more and yes, to me, you know? Yes. To yourself. Um, So from that place, what was a little bit of your journey getting now to where you're, where you're at working to support others?
So it's, it's interesting. You asked that question so I can recall again, just a little shortly after, you know, God answered my prayer. Um, at that point, as I said, remember I said, I worked in a bar, so I had gotten fired from the bar, you all. And I got fired because. Well, the owner tried to hit on me and I just, I wasn't, I wasn't advancing to his advances.
And so I started my own business. I own bartending business at this point. So I was doing like baby showers, which is very uncomfortable. I didn't, even though I abused alcohol, like crazy, I just didn't think alcohol should be in the baby shower, but I did it for the money. I'm not going to lie. So I was doing wedding, all different events.
I would just do. And so at this point, you know, now here I am in the room, I'm crying, you know, I'm thanking God, and I'm just so receiving, as you said, I'm in alignment. And what I believe I said, now, I need you to take the alcohol out of your beverage service. So I'm like, God, we didn't take the alcohol out of my beverage service.
Like Linda's was going to hire me for juice. I'm like, that's not going to work. So he said it again, take the alcohol out of your beverage service and I'll take you places that you've never gone. And I'm like, Oh, yay. That's very unusual, but you're not who am I? So all that was, this was 2012. When I started started that business.
Now this is basketball to 2014 that I revamped the business and steel cut tails with chocolate, but it was non alcoholic beverage, sir. And I remember this is something that I wanted. I want the audience to understand when you are doing something for, you got to understand that everybody won't to sin. So I remember I went to my sister and I said to her and her girlfriend at the time, I said, you know, I'm revamping my business.
God said to take the alcohol out of your service. And they said, Oh girl, please, that business will never last. And I said, I'll sh I'll show you better than I can tell. I had no clue what I was going to do. God was going to shut off. I was believe me. And so I revamped the business. I remember I took out like a small pension law and I got this role my way, and I invited all people to come and I was free.
It was Rita calm. And like maybe a couple of nights before I'm like, God, what am I going to serve these people? How am I going to, you know, present like a sampling to them. So they'll want to hire me for events. And he gave me two recipes in my mind and executed those recipes. Um, I gave them out as samples.
I even had like little sample, uh, beverage servers. And then I had like little one ounce cups. And then I was like, okay, well God, I need something to sell. If they really like it, I ordered some bottles. I got some labels done. I sold the bottles. I sold out everything that night. Well, that, that event $5. I was sold in the box at business cards.
So how it was set up just to give you guys a vision, I had different tables set up. So when you walked in the room, of course you would read it, you got your sample and then you have the, um, You needed a visual to see like how my service could be useful to you. So I had like a wedding table set up. I had a graduation table set up and milestone birthday party set up.
And of course we have like video shoots and stuff, so you can take like beautiful pictures. And it was absolutely great. Amazing. The mayor came out when I, it was televised or news 12. It was, it was amazing. So. I'm saying all that and being that specific, because sometimes we don't understand how things are going to come about, but because I was obedient and I answered God's call to do it.
I, of course, I didn't see, I didn't know what was going to happen at that point, but sometimes you, you still have to act regardless of what you can't see. And it was because of that, I was able to now turn this into a business. I knew if I had to, you know, have this non alcoholic beverage service. I couldn't be drinking.
So I had to use integrity and of course be a representation of God. So that business, which it still exists today. That's my first baby. And then I would be at different events bending, and people would say, well, what's the story behind your business? And of course I would tell them exactly the story that I gave you all.
And that's how, you know, the whole idea of a book came. The whole idea of coaching clients came. All of that was birth just because I am too guy. We have no idea what is lying on the inside of us when we just step out, it is very frightening. I will not sit here and say, okay, that is it. And I'm just going to pause it, which rather when I was over in New Jersey, when I first came out to see the apartment, right, I'll never forget it.
And what I love about God is he never forgets. So I remember looking for an apartment, as I said, now I'm not with my, it has been, I've got to start all over. It's just a mess in your head, but I know I need to get my own place. I look on Craigslist. Yeah. This is 2012. And, um, I'm like, I need it apartment.
And of course I go to my comfort zone, Brooklyn, because I don't want to go to New Jersey. I don't know anything about New Jersey. So I look under the section that says Brooklyn and this a beautiful apartment comes up and I'm like, Oh my gosh, it has a sunken living room when I was like maybe seven or eight.
I recall saying we visited my aunt's apartment years ago and she had a sunken living room and I spoke out of my mouth. I'm going to have an apartment with a sunken living room one day. And he was, I was more than 20 years later. Looking at an apartment with a sunken living room. And that was something that I couldn't say no to.
So I'm like, Oh my gosh. And then the price was like, remarkable. So it was like $200. And I was like, or eight 50 something. And I was like, well, let me call. And when I look at the number, the area code, this nine 73, I'm like, Oh my gosh, who was Wilwoods in New Jersey? I don't know anything about New Jersey, but the image, I couldn't get that out of my head.
So I call the apart. I call up the number of the apartments still available. And this is the point that I want to make. When I get to the apartment, it looks nothing like the image. The image was beautiful. Okay. Flora's garden. Tub was, it was absolutely stunning. When I got there, it looked totally, it looked hard to be quite honest.
And I later understood that. What that was showing me was that was a representation of what I looked like. That apartment in disarray. That was me. The dull floors, you know, the bruise up garden, tub, everything that that apartment represented at that time was what my life represented. So when I came, I wound up, you reminded deposit, cause I'm like, I'm just gonna have to gamble here.
And I gave the deposit and I moved in at, during the first, when I came back to the apartment, of course it was transformed into the image that I had saw earlier. And that was that showing me, I believe. This is where I'm going to take your life. And that's what we have to understand what we can see. God can see.
Right? A lot of the times we are, we can, we get so caught up in the questioning, how the, where, you know, what we get caught up in that, that we lose sight, that God can do the impossible. So what is, you know, impossible for him? I mean, sorry for us possible for him. So I'm saying that to say that even if your life looks crazy right now, you might be losing hope.
You might be saying you guys are on here. And I, I like what you're saying, but how could it happen for me? I am telling you Western shore, we've been where you are and your life can be transformed. You just got to believe it. You've got to take action and you've got to definitely invest in your higher power, whomever.
That would be. Yeah, beautiful. Oh my gosh. I love these stories because it's so true. And you have to show up. I was listening to something earlier and I wish I could remember the exact quote, but it was Eckhart Toley who's like a spiritual, um, philosopher of sorts. So, you know, he talks about the power. His book is the power of now.
And, um, he's an interesting man, but he talks about the power of presence and the power of now. And he was talking about Jesus APQ studies, a lot of. You know, religious, spiritual teachers, and it was something about. The only thing that you need to remember, and it was a message, a quote, or a, you know, a passage that was prey.
And, you know, when you pray, the only thing you need to do is pray. Like you're believing that it will come true. Like you pray with the belief that it is going to happen. And then the energy that you start to swirl and create, and then you become it. This vortex and this direct alignment for the powers that be.
And I think it's just like, it really is true, you know, but you have to believe it too. And you were in that faith place of, I asked for the prayer, I prayed, I it's showing up, I'm seeing the signs and I'm just going and, and like the light thing I tell people too, is the worst that can happen. It's not, you're not going to be any worse off than you are if you find
that's amazing what a beautiful story and congratulations on that business itself. It's, that's so awesome. I love that you were able to have a successful N a beverage business, because that's just so cool. I ask you a little bit about. When you started saying, you know, you said no to alcohol. I love the like living in integrity.
And I, I do this a lot where I kind of schedule things out that scare me. Like I just make the plan. I'm like, I'm doing it. And that way you have to show up. So it's like, you created this business now I have no choice, but to go out. But how, what, how did things go between like you and your family? Are there like the rest of your life?
Cause you had said that was. Some way that you guys kept together a lot, you know, through alcohol. And because I know that's a big thing that a lot of people face is they start to change their relationship with alcohol and they have to kind of navigate there the rest of the other relationships in their life.
So what was your experience like with that? Wow. Well, of course this is going to be a funny story for you all. So, uh, I think in Jersey a lot, especially in the early stages of my sobriety, because. You know, I'm still vulnerable, I'm still working through some things. So we kind of talked on the phone a little bit and especially early on, and I can't even give you a timeframe as to how long that was.
Um, but I know there were times when, you know, if there were going to be sellable story moments, I had to say. What matters most to me, maybe in there, or maybe just stay at home and I'll always me. Um, I knew you can't be afraid to do that. So I, he was a funny story that wasn't the funny part of the story.
So when I did get to the point where I felt comfortable enough and courageous, maybe we'll say a note to say, Um, you know, I can show up, but I know if something's uncomfortable for me, I can exit. So I remember there were times my sister, she still struggles actually with alcohol abuse, use independency, she would say, put your alcohol away.
The sobriety queen is here. Now I didn't call myself this at any time. She gave me that name and it was a repeated process. She just kept saying it and I would laugh. And I said, you know what, I'm going to take that name. And I embraced her joke. So I was just like, yeah, that's what that's going to be my name.
And I would say that to you all, there may be a family member. There may be a friend who's kinda like using something as a way of. You know, teasing or just being negative, turn that thing around. So a positive for yourself. And, um, and don't feel like you have to be present at certain social events. And my book, I talk about this as one of the tips, you know, like when you have experiences and you have to be at a social gathering and alcohol is present, how do you navigate that?
And, you know, I'll give it away, but. You know, because I have a business for us. I would bring my own beverage. Now you don't have to bring mine cocktail, you know, non alcoholic you can come up, but I think wouldn't you be prepared for, you know, for that environment. So show up with some cranberry juice. I show up with the, you know, whatever your favorite nonalcoholic beverages, you have it in hand and no, listen, this is mine.
This is what I'll be drinking or short with you and give them one. So you don't see, like you came empty handed something that you can pour in your cup. And again, if that pressure comes where, you know, you feel like everyone's just saying, Oh, well just have a sip. You know, exit, you don't have to, you're not obligated to say anybody but yourself.
And even with regards to someone say, well, what happened with your story? I talk about this also in my book too, like what happened? Like, why don't you drink anymore? And you know, you got to know your audience. That's right. Um, you've gotta be clear on if people are just being nosy or if people are, if that's your suited audience to really serve and share with them.
Right. And if we are not distinct pushing the two, you can put yourself in a more vulnerable position. Right. If you have that, you're not quite ready for. So I had it. It's like that happen. And I talk about it in the book. I'm not going to go too much into that, but I talk about that and it is important that you understand how to do that with the two.
Um, you're not here to be an advertisement if you're not up for that. Right. I mean, someone like yourself and myself, we don't have any problem with that, but maybe you're not there yet. And that's fine too. My point here is if someone's asking you that. What happened with your story? You know, the relationship that you have with that person, is that a person that, you know, that you just met is that a person that, you know, maybe you have meetings with at AA or at a different environment where they support, you know, um, sobriety, then you can share those experiences.
You can share as much as you want. And if it's someone that you don't have that kind of relationship with, you could just, you know, you will have the right to say, that's not a discussion that I'm open to sharing with you. You can say that you don't have to feel any kind of way. It's not a crime for you to shut somebody down, you know, respectively.
Thank you. I'm so glad you said that. I, cause I think that that is people are so, so many of the clients I work with are so scared of them. Like what they want to create the story in their head first. I'm like, okay, so what am I doing? What do I say? Because of all the labeling and stuff, it just trips people up too.
Feeling less than, or feeling broken or all of these things just say without excuse, but I know you said that it's not as easy right away for some people. Um, so we, I work with clients a lot of like, okay, what is this thing right now? That's gonna make you feel good. This kind of how you're defining your, you know, your journey right now.
So a lot of times I'll say, um, I've changed. I'm changing my relationship with alcohol, or, you know, I'm exploring my relationship with alcohol. Cause I work with people that aren't always. Done, obviously they're not done with drinking yet, but, um, yeah, that's amazing. What is it? Can you just tell us the name of your book and we'll make sure to put it in the show notes, just so I don't forget.
Sure. Oh, it's alcohol Thien. Ooh. The variety queen 25 tips to putting down the bottle and picking up your crown. Yes. Oh my gosh. That is amazing. I'm sure there's so many wonderful things in there. I can't wait. I'm getting a copy by my, by the way, as I mean, and tell me how you feel about this, the tools that you use to get alcohol out of your life.
I mean, do they not. Flow and use, do you not use them to solve other problems and to do? I mean, it's just like, so I want to buy my book. It's not just you can't, you don't just have to use that for sobriety. It's really okay. A book of empowerment too, it's building you up. Um, but it definitely does go into, you know, How to get alcohol out.
You're like, what? So that you can become that a cross breaker, if you will. Right. That's that's the premise of the book. Yes. I love that. And I think that is such a huge piece. Something that I know for me personally, was like being that gender. I love that, that term, the generational curse breaker. Yeah.
It's a tool to use to like, it stops with me. Yes. Yes. I'm telling you, like, I think that was the biggest thing. Listen, my mother had five siblings and everyone passed away as a result of alcohol issues in dependency, except one that was murdered. And I think because we all. Most of us have grown up in environments where this is see, we become, it becomes normalized and that is acceptable.
I had to make a choice. I don't have any children yet have for a baby and Chancy poo. And, um, I had to make a choice to say, is this the way I want my little cousins see life as you know, as being alcohol or alcoholics or seeing in your life just. Degraded and not being purpose, not living purpose. Is this what you want?
You know, my mom was an amazing mother. I mean, she taught me great things. I will never ever take that from her, but I also got to see. Alcohol being used in our home and VW. And that's the part that has attacked us. My dad, um, he is also struggling with drug addiction and I'm never seen him sober, but I pour into my dad like said it's nobody's business ID.
I addressed him as a King. I remind him of who God says he is. He is ahead. He's not the tail he's above. He's not beneath. Right. God has a purpose for your life. And I think that was the. As we are even in this life. Right. We were so caught up in. What we've done. And I was there. I got it. I sat on my, in my bed and drank hours looking at pornography and literally just every negative thought that I could think of.
Right. I would one, I would, on one hand, I would say, I want to speak to women around the world, but they would always be then lingering, negative thoughts saying, how are you going to do it please? You, you watch porn or you, you know, you just was out at the club and. Who's going to listen to you. So those are the thoughts that, you know, stay with us.
And I'm saying to you, you gotta find a way to drown out that noise. You got to understand that I had used so many people in the box. Well, I love the Bible because it's such a great tool and you don't have to love the Bible. Like I do. I mean, you know, that's. That's I'm just expressing what I love, but there are great tools out here.
They're great. You know, there's great information out here. And if you can replace the negative voice with a positive voice, that's what can health affirmations are also a great, you know, tools to have, because we've got to understand, we hold so many thoughts in our minds and you know, it's the ones that are repeated repeatedly said that I'm going to save you the most.
So you have to do that work. That takes, it takes a lot, but you can do it. Yeah, absolutely. And you've given us so many awesome tools already. What do you think is the biggest, um, What do you think is like the biggest belief that shifted in for you? Like from what you were drinking and like how you thought alcohol was an answer essentially to where you are now that you're just like, that was never true.
What do you think? One of the big shift of a belief was, I mean that I'm not, I'm not paying, I am purpose. You know, that my pain literally was what I needed to come into my life so that I could pursue my purpose. And I needed that to happen. Everything that has happened, you know, to me has happened for me.
That that's what I had. I understand as I spoke about earlier, when I thought that I wasn't attractive and I have low self esteem, now I'm able to talk about that to help, you know, many cleans around the world because we all face that. So I rather, I thank God for being the Guinea pig. Right. And it's, it's something that's still that you build up every single day.
I'm not here saying like, you know, every day that I think I'm amazing. Some things, I don't feel that way, but I still have to verbalize it a little lipstick and then speak to myself. You know, I do daily rituals, you know, Brain reading my word. Um, I also do something with regards to educational. I work out I'm a new vegan, so different things that I do in my life.
So you can maintain this way of living. I know that, you know, I was put on this earth to serve and I have to show up full. So I can't, you know, drop the ball or, you know, expect that God's going to bless me if I'm not doing my part. Right. I've got to do my part so that I. I can understand that I am accountable to other people and not because I want to be seen, but because I want other women to know that they too have a part to play when you're able to, you know, it's an honor to be in the seats that we're in.
Again, not that we're just also brand, but at the end of the day, we have to be able to utilize the gifts that we have. So there's someone else can utilize their gifts. It's just a cycle. This world can become a better place. Yeah. And Lord knows at this point we asked them what we need it more so than ever before.
Yeah, beautifully said, I love all of that. And I just encourage people so much. I mean, I know for me, if I'm not taking, you know, it's constant maintenance, right? Like you have the tools and they get a little bit easier to like, like, Oh, I'm going, you know, my mind is going this way. I pull myself back present moment using emotional tools, prayer, meditation, so important.
But yes, you can't serve from an empty cup. And I think that's the way I always say like the peace. More peaceful people inside, the more peace exists in the world because we're not taking from the other to fill right from an over abundance of love and joy. And then we don't need the recognition. Cause we've already, we've already had that cleaned up.
It's died and yeah. Beautiful work, honey. I'm just. It's so it's such an honor to talk to you. Um, I wanted to talk a little bit about, I mentioned earlier about, you know, the stigma of alcohol dependency, hopefully shifting a little bit, we've seen a resurgence or not a resurgence we've seen kind of this surgeon's of like sober, you know, the sober, curious movement and sobriety and looking at it as like a.
Cooler more hip thing, but we know you have to face the shadows to get there. Um, I was just wondering, you know, in my growing up, um, I remember my mom going to like some, um, on meetings. Um, and I was aware of alcoholism from, from a younger age. And so it wasn't super taboo, but it was also like it's kind of happens to that person and not like happen to everyone.
What was your experience of what that looked like? Um, you know, in a black, in the black community, as far as having, you know, exposure to elk, like sobriety alcoholism, was that something talked about at all or did you not at all, not at all. We didn't talk about that. That's up to you talk about, like, you always had someone in your family or several people in your family that, you know, abused alcohol and it was just like, Oh, that's just so and so, or that's just.
You know, uncle so and so our grandma just behaves that way because of, I can remember. And I shared this on another podcast. Like I can remember when I was so I'm good at hiding, uh, my views. So I drank a lot in the house and you know, my friends were kind enough to not. Not exposed to me when I behaved horribly in the streets, but I can remember passing like a suicide and the same guys in front of the liquor stores and look looking at them.
Oh my God. You know, they look horrible and, you know, You know, but now I can look back saying you were judging people. Meanwhile, that was you. You don't, you weren't that far from that place. Right. And granted, you had drone plays, you had a couple of degrees, but you know, it was nothing, but God's grace and mercy that didn't allow you to get to that place.
And I'm sure that has a lot to do with why I give so much why I talk so much and share so much because I could have been that person I really, really could have been ever than any one of us could be. And, um, As I said, it just really wasn't shared enough. And I guess, because you know, our culture mostly is like what happens in his house stays in his house.
And so it's more of a secretive thing, but meanwhile, the secrets, secrets, herb and secrets killed and they destroy. And so was Ali would go a step further. Even with me sharing, you know, in the beginning it was just like, do not discuss our mother. Do not. My sister was very adamant about that. And, you know, I had to find a way, so, you know, maybe share more of me and then kind of pull her in because you can't sell one without the other.
You just can't, it just is impossible. But, um, then I just had to get past the, you know, like, listen, you're going to have your own view. And I understood why, because she's still struggling herself. You know, when you've gotten to the point where you're healed, you don't care what anybody has to say, because you understand the power in sharing.
Your healing process. So, because she's not there yet, it's more like a defense mechanism. Right. You know, you, I can remember another instance where when my mother was in a coma and, um, we were in the hospital and the doctor came out. So being the oldest, you know, I want to be respectful and let her answer the questions that the doctors were asking of the doctor.
And he said, does your mom drink? And I'm saying to myself that this is the doctor. I already know. He knows that answer. Like, what does he do with you? So I say, there's a reason why, and my sister, again, being in protective mode and she goes, well, you know, sometimes, and I said, That's a lie. She drinks everything every single day.
Now that wasn't me being like malicious. That was me being honest. You're a doctor. I want you to help my mother. So whatever you have to know, I'm going to tell you, right. Whereas she was just like being again in protective mode. Like, you know, I don't want to expose my mom and. You know, and then I had to later explained to her why he was doing that.
And, um, you know, my mom was in a coma for several weeks and we really thought she wasn't gonna make it then. And I remember, uh, my sister had a great idea, which I agree with of taking a picture of my mom while she was in a coma. And it was, it was horrible, but we wanted her to see. How she looked and Acoma and how much we needed her here.
So if she could, you know, go into a program or do whatever she needed to do to get the help that she needed, um, you know, we were willing to support her in that. And I remember my mom coming through and she just said, I'm just tired. And again, all of her siblings were my mom buried, all of precipitants practically, but one died like within months of her death.
But, um, She just was tired. She said that she, she was like, I'm just tired. So you can't, you really can't just help someone higher than literally give given up. And we had to respect that we had to respect that. Yeah. She understands, like she had suffered a lot. Yeah. A lot. She, she lost her mother at 19. Uh, she was pregnant with my sister at that time.
I came like 18 months later. Um, she raised everybody. So, you know, she worked for 20 years retired. Um, she, she, she went through a lot and that could be a hard, my best. And she, you know, my mom was born in 1950. It's a lot, she's seen a lot. So, you know, things that they always say, like you find out more so about your, when they pass.
And I found that a lot. So I had to understand that and respect. Um, you know, her feelings and it was hard because you want your, you want your mom, your, your loved one here, but we also have some respect their wishes. And we had to learn to do that. Yeah, absolutely. Do you think that, um, thank you for sharing that.
I know that that is sometimes hard, you know, hard members to talk about, but it sounds like you have a greater awareness now, and it's so interesting. What we'll do with alcohol? Like how. Just not even sharing that story to our detriment, you know, like not you sharing the story about your mother, but like talking to the doctor and it's like, why, what do we have to lose at this point?
And Bagley onto that, you know? Um, did you, before you had your, you know, kind of your awakening around your relationship to alcohol, did you feel like there was support out there for you? Because I know like, this is why I'm like. So like wanting to just coach everyone around alcohol, because I feel like they're either people don't know that there's support for them.
It's not, you know, maybe AA or did you, did you even know of what support existed for you if you needed to seek out that support was there? However, there wasn't support that looked like me, right? American black woman. Um, there was no way that looked like me and even, you know, even after. You know, when I started my journey, there was not a lot like weeds out there and I can remember guys saying, well, then become one.
So that was the reason why I started sharing. But I also, again, I was like, If I'm going to sell my business to anybody, I'm going to tell I'm not going to sit in anybody's chair at night. Yeah. So it was a little bit of me being like, you know, the whole, the whole stigma thing that was in my head. And, um, I did go to open meeting.
I will say that. So I wouldn't say AA opened meeting blinds. It's just kind of get a feel of it. I'm like, let me just see here. And it was depressing as hell.
I remember that the room was dark and everybody was, they almost seem robots. And I was like, what is going on here? And I was like, no, this is a, no, this is a no for me. So, um, that, that's what it was for me. I mean, obviously they AA has done great work. I would never, I'm not being disrespectful by any means.
That's not my intention, but I'm saying there's different. Methods to, um, sobriety and you've got to find what works for you. Um, it takes some time, but, um, I think you don't try some, try some things out, you know, if you're serious about it, there's definitely a lot of support on social media. I talk about that a little bit.
Um, I think that having support on social media is nice, but it cannot be your all in. All right. I've I've actually had one client, um, Well, I wouldn't say that I had a discovery call with a potential client and, you know, she chose to use one of those silver groups as her support and too late. I'm saddened to chair that, you know, so this particular group, they highlight the numbers of sobriety, the number of days.
And, um, she started at one so many times and, and I'm saying this. Trying to be very careful in my words, but I'm saying if you, if you're using that as one in your only support system, your vis, depending on who you are, right. It could definitely less than your chances of really strengthening your, your journey.
I think there has to be, and I think you would agree that has to be. A number of support systems, right? I'll be, it is your sponsor. Then you still have them, the membership, if you will, or, or a Facebook group, or, um, maybe you also have some other supports. You can never get enough. We can never get enough.
So I think that me personally, I think that, you know, having a number of systems in place. Would be your best, your best choice. Yeah, absolutely. And so do you, um, so yeah, when you co when you're coaching people, you're working, are you working specifically on sobriety with your clients or are you just getting them into their queendom and kingdom?
A little bit of both the same thing, right? Yeah, absolutely. Um, and address what the, you know, what, what's the underlying issue, right? Because everybody's underlying is going to be different and then yeah. You're rebuilding from, from the inside out. So absolutely. It's not just putting down the bottle. It's not, you think that just please, please.
That's the easiest part. I think it will be like, that's actually the easiest part. Yeah. I always say one of my things I say is taking your last sip. Isn't the first step, because there's so much of like the shifting of awareness. Like you don't solve just for the action you got to solve for in the heart.
And so, um, one of the things I like to. Ask is, and you kind of talked about it, like going into this dark room of the AAV and I don't ever judge anything that works for people ever. I am. I am in a judgment free zone. You know, however you get there is how you get there, but there is that deprivation piece of it where it's set up, like, you know, instead of yeah, yes, yes.
Me. Yes. Spirit. Yes. Life it's like, why can't I? And so how do you like to, how does queen Connie like to throw a better party, you know, without booze around. I do a lot of self care. You know, I enjoy my own company and I did not, I did not enjoy my own company. That's why I needed to be in certain environments I needed to have.
I was the girl who, you know, when I have, when I lived in Brooklyn, I remember it. I told this story a couple of times I would invite my friends to come over and they could bring strangers with them. Like it was so crazy. I was just, Oh wow. Out there. And so, because I did enjoy my own company, the more than Marriott was my thought process for me.
I, you know, I, when I give out my, what I send out my books to people, I'm kind of given a little bit of my secret away, but I put Rose pedals inside my book. Why because I know it's a girly girl thing and I know somebody would like it additional surprise. So I like to do pamper and things. So bubble baths, I like to go for walks, you know, um, I like to go out to eat a lot and I'm very girly.
So yeah, it was the things that I just like to do for myself. I love on me. I enjoy me, um, understanding that if I don't, if I don't get to that space of enjoying me, how can I even, you know, Appreciate my future cake. How, how can I teach another queen? How to love on herself. So that, that's what it is for me, understanding that I'm worth it.
I'm worth it. No matter what. Awesome. I love that. Yeah. Ritual was a big piece of my. I'm sober journey, just like tuning into those state, making everything a sacred moment and a special moment where I was connecting. Like this moment is the only moment and it matters. You know, I did want to ask you just one more thing a little bit about, well, I want to get to make sure we know how to find you and work with you and everything, but, um, as far as.
Support in the sober community. And I mean, even the work I'm doing and we have access to you now, but, um, you know, we're, we're in this world right now where we're, we're talking. There's like, obviously the, the black lives matter movement is huge and people are really coming out and they're saying, you know what I wasn't aware of.
I want to be aware of, and I want to, and I want to say support and we want to make changes. Cause we, I don't know. I mean, I personally want the world to be the best place for everyone. Right. What do you think could be more, could be something where like sobriety programs or coaching programs could that, where they could be more inclusive.
Um, is there any way that you feel like you could, people could just support and extend a wider lens for making sure that. Black communities and, you know, marginalized populations are receiving the same support or something that you just think is overlooked. I mean, it's so interesting. You said this because I've, I've spoken at conferences as a keynote speaker and has been the only black woman there.
I don't think people are even aware enough that, you know, you have a panel or in my case, I was a black woman, but. Like who are you targeting? Right. I'm just saying that there are many races, many ethnicities that need this service that want to get healed. So how are you? What's, what's the idea when you're planning?
Like, what is the thought process in that? And it baffles me, it baffles me before COVID-19 I was researching, um, cause I wanted to do some more speaking engagements and I was researching. I sobriety conferences and I came up one in particular and three women who I will not share their names, but I'm very familiar with them.
And, um, three white women and I was just taken, I was taken aback, like, how is it that you have three white women talking that that's not relatable to the other ethnicities? I'm sorry. And I'm just like, the thought is not put into it enough. I just think like some people are just. They may be coming from a good place as far as like, they want to get the message out, but you're limiting who you want to give the message to.
And you cannot think like that. Um, if it's a case where you're not educated enough on like black audience, cause maybe that's the case, you don't know. Well, then get educated, educate yourself. You know, a lot of people have. Definitely. I know I'm so I'm so thankful that people have literally, um, you know, made necessary steps and said that, you know, black lives do matter.
Right. And they have shared, um, my information and other Queen's information, um, so that we can get in front of other audiences. Right. Otherwise we just have to kind of share our own stuff, but then there are others who who've done, nothing. And I just think that that's, that's just so not good. It leaves me personally, at least be in a space of saying, well, what is your real intention or are you really helping?
And who do you really want to show up at? And it leaves some of us wondering, you know, it just, it makes us me, I would just say me, it makes me more aware of saying who I want to work and why. Right because I'm watching, I'm literally watching. Um, and I've now I'm just, if I don't see that you're not in this region, all races and including a lot of black lives, I'm not saying I'm going to say no, I'm going to say no that you and I will not work together because I can't see your.
Intentions to really want to understand deeply that you know, that there's no separation when it comes there to come together. If we are literally about helping Kings and Queens repair their lives, then it shouldn't matter what color you are, but you should definitely still want everyone to get this right.
Um, I could say so much more, but I'm, I'm going to leave there because it's a very, very sensitive topic, but, um, I'm very, I'm very cautious. I did see a separation. I saw it for a very long time and it bothered me. It bothered me to the point that I felt like, you know, I know a lot of. Like Queens. And we were just going to come together and do our own thing.
And that's sad, but we, I felt like we had no choice. We had no choice. I'm doing Nichols. She's the owner. She had her daughter, um, uh, she recovers. I absolutely love them. Absolutely love them. And why? Because. We've had a conversation about this prior to black lives matter. Right. And through that, she's supporting me.
And so, and not just me, she supported a lot of black weights when I first had my first event. Um, when in life sober. And it's an annual event celebration of sobriety. I'm sorry. I'm just thinking of a program. Um, celebration of sobriety and conference that I I've done. She supported me in so many ways that we just knew each other from social media.
I never met her. And then he does like this, um, She does this thing where she goes around from state to state. And she has like these almost like meeting breeds. And, you know, she was, she came to New York and she called me up fryer and said, I want you to come and speak, have to do that. She didn't have to do that.
And again, she did this prior to that. So it was from a genuine place. And I just think that people just we've got to be more aware. We've got to understand what the bigger picture he is. We are helping individuals with their lives. We've been blessed enough. I've signed enough from God and you know, it's not about us.
What am I, it's not about me. It's about the assignment that God has entrusted. So that's what I would say. No. Well, thank you so much for saying that. And I, you know, being that I feel like sober out right. Reach is, has been limited to two, like a, the small little group that. The the movement. So variety is shifting and it's so unique unto the person that, um, you know, we know like diversity is unity, because if we have all these different problems we're facing, we can't solve a diversity of problems with one, a perspective, right?
Like, so if we're, if there's, if it's underrepresented by the global population and you know, then how are we going to solve this? Plethora of problems with one perspective, we need perspective. We're just like doing a disservice to ourselves. When, when every, you know, we have these amazing minds, like all of your offerings is just like, there's so many unique perspectives and so many unique solutions that it's just doing a disservice to humanity to not, to be getting like the one old perspective over and over and over again.
Um, yeah, I mean, when I started the podcast, I was. You know, like figuring out how to do it and, um, Now that I kind of shifted my perspective of like my, not from my perspective, but yeah. Platform of like really reaching out to talking about embodiment and some of the tools of, um, how we can really like thrive and throw a better party as Kings and Queens in the world.
I just want to hear what everyone's doing because I just always who's. I don't know who's listening and I just want to make sure that if you. Have that inkling inside of you, that you know, that you have this higher purpose to arrive, right. Feature that you are feeling represented or some, you know, there's like this little nugget that like just resonates with you.
And so, um, and I know that like, representation. For healing is huge. You know, if you were saying, if you don't see someone, one that that looks like you are you're like, well, is, is that for me? I don't know. I don't know. And you might not try it, so yeah. Thank you so much for saying all of that and, um, just grow awareness and I am just so grateful for your time here and you have like, your story's beautiful and.
It's amazing. I mean, like, isn't it all like a miracle, right. You know, I, I share a lot of my podcasts as I'm sure you do. Um, and thank you again for that is opportunity. It's, it's really, it's a blessing and you know, so I've been shot twice in my life. I've attempted suicide. Um, you know, I've gotten a divorce, those three things right there should have along with abusing alcohol for 10 plus years.
I should be dead. There's no way I should be alive. And you know, again, there may be a listener that you might have experienced some traumatic things, far more traumatic than what I did. Um, but I'm telling you that what God has for you, nothing trumps that nothing can stop it. Um, you know, those are just things that are going to even add more of a message to your story.
You're even more, in my opinion, even more valuable to use by God. Um, and you've gotta be able to tell that story Friday. I mean, no matter how frightening it may appear to be, cause I'm sure it is, uh, you gotta, you gotta be able to do that in one way you could do that, is aligning yourself with the support that you need.
Um, I guarantee you, if you do that, you align yourself with the right person. Um, they're going to support you to push you further and, uh, You'll be able to do the work. Yeah. Awesome. Yeah. And it's the support is out there. And so speaking of that, how I tell our audience how to get ahold of you and the podcast and all of the good things, where you, where you hang out and all of that stuff.
Well, I hang out mostly on Instagram. So if you're on Instagram, you gotta definitely see me on Instagram. Mostly. Um, Megan seek, you know, find me out on my podcast is so with sessions, podcast, I talk about everything from that to rebuilding your life in sobriety. I talk a lot about my journey and where I've come from as a way to empower you to start yours.
Um, my website, of course, www dot Connie S McMillan's dot com. Many resources there for my book, digital courses, membership is there as well, um, to a six week course that I'll be actually uploading today. I put up there I'm, there is just so, so many opportunities for you to get the support that you need.
Um, you have to know that you have to invest in yourself and that's not. Always monetarily. Right? I think a lot of times I know for me in the beginning I was like, Oh, I don't have the money I don't have. Yeah. I mean, you know, there are some free resources out there, but when you invest in you, cause that's what it's about when you're paying for a service.
Yes. And then you, you're not invested in a person that you're paying, you are getting there, the knowledge and the information that they've already been through. So don't let anything stop you, you know, don't have that close minded way of thinking. I'm understanding that, you know, You deserve this, you deserve the light.
You've been thinking about speaking about, but yet, you know, not reaching forward, let this 2020 this pandemic, let this be the shift in your life and saying that, you know, I'm going to come out greater. I'm not going to be the queen or the King. That's going to go in or come out rather than the weight that I went in.
You want to come out far more greater. And if you get the resources in your life, Be it through mine or any others. Um, I guarantee you, you will live your best life sober. Yeah. Beautiful. I know. I always feel when you make that shift in that commitment, that is just that message to your highest self. That that's, I am serious.
I am. Where are they at? I just think like, just picking up the phone sometimes make that initial appointment is like, You say yes, there's no going back from that point, you know, even as scary as it is, but, um, it's going to be a great 20, 20 I'm visualizing. Oh, an amazing rest of the year. And that's what we have to do is like, believe that the future is going to be better than the past.
Right. And just keeping at it in our prayers and in our thoughts and then show up to do the action.
It's true. And when you're sober, you do got my way more energy. Yeah. Connie. Thank you so much for being here in all of your amazing knowledge and wisdom for our listeners to have to meet you and hopefully goodbye, leisure. Okay. Having a wonderful day, everyone. Thank you so much for being here. The process of unraveling your story outside of the confines of alcohol is truly a sacred and beautiful journey of the South rediscover, who you are and a whole new world.
Again. Stop by my website, Mary Wagstaff, coach.com to get instant access to the on demand workshop of my revolutionary five shifts approach. And while you're there, you can sign up for a one on one consultation where we will create together your life intention. This is the framework for which all of your decisions around alcohol are made from your truest and highest self.
In addition to working remotely, worldwide, I hope. Private one-on-one healing retreats at my sanctuary in Mount hood, Oregon. I can't wait to connect.