Looking to the window of the future of "what if". Throughs the sense of fear or love, but never taking that leap of faith, keeps you in a feeling of stickiness. Postponement results in never being in a state of expansiveness of moving towards a brighter future on the other side of a deprivation free life. Alcohol holds an illusion of freedom, that as you know is slowing fading, in fact, it is the thing keeping you in deprivation of living life to the fullest.
I mention the Netflix series: The Queens Gambit. An amazing showcase on the dullness of life alcohol and drugs steal from you.
BY EMBRACING A PATH THAT ALLOWS YOU TO MOVE FORWARD WITHOUT THE BURDEN OF COUNTING DAYS OR HIDING YOUR TRUE SELF.
Sustainable Sobriety Is Here! Keep the needle moving forward no matter if you do or don't drink.
Join Sustainable Sobriety Course, where you'll learn everything to find the confidence to be authentically you in a compact, affordable, lifetime access package.
Looking to the window of the future of "what if". Throughs the sense of fear or love, but never taking that leap of faith, keeps you in a feeling of stickiness. Postponement results in never being in a state of expansiveness of moving towards a brighter future on the other side of a deprivation free life. Alcohol holds an illusion of freedom, that as you know is slowing fading, in fact, it is the thing keeping you in deprivation of living life to the fullest.
I mention the Netflix series: The Queens Gambit. An amazing showcase on the dullness of life alcohol and drugs steal from you.
BY EMBRACING A PATH THAT ALLOWS YOU TO MOVE FORWARD WITHOUT THE BURDEN OF COUNTING DAYS OR HIDING YOUR TRUE SELF.
Sustainable Sobriety Is Here! Keep the needle moving forward no matter if you do or don't drink.
Join Sustainable Sobriety Course, where you'll learn everything to find the confidence to be authentically you in a compact, affordable, lifetime access package.
Good morning, my beautiful listeners it's Mary Wagstaff. If you listen to yesterday's episode, I had to re upload it because I realized that some stuff was muted. So I am calling these shorter additions, which hopefully they're shorter morning thoughts, which is just kind of funny and reminds me of a Saturday Night Live skit, which is kind of my life. So because I wake up with these morning thoughts that hopefully are of some use to me and to you. I hope you're having a wonderful weekend. It's Sunday, it's a beautiful day for reflection and for rest. And I thought what I could do with these shorter episodes is really just bring in a thought and idea and then also maybe share a little bit about myself, so that you can get to know me a little bit better, and also the invitation for you to share. So you can send me an email Mary at Mary Wagstaff coach comm asked me anything you want about your relationship with alcohol, myself, anything you want to share about a personal story, that was a victory, or something that was really challenging. And I would love to share on the show completely confidential, of course, or you could let me know what you would like. But I really just want to create a little bit more sense of community amongst the listeners of this show. And I know that sometimes, you know, kind of in the outer world, people aren't really sharing the, the idea that they're necessarily listening to this podcast, because of all of the stigma associated with wanting to change your relationship to alcohol. And really, you know, I just want you to know that what you're doing is you're getting educated yourself inquiring about life, there, as you know, when as we grow into awareness, as a culture, we're learning more every day about what it means to be human, we discover more about science and the mysteries of life. And we see that things are different than they, you know, we once thought they were when we were new on this planet, right. And then as technologies advance, the need for certain ways that we've survived, that the brain still functions in that way, are, are really not useful. But we kind of still have to manage the consequences of that survival mode of the brain, which is so much of what the habit of alcohol is, and really the habit of any type of thinking. So there's that there is a physical component to your relationship with alcohol, but so much more of what I'm finding and what I think a lot of other leaders in, you know, changing the concepts of sobriety and alcohol in people's lives, is that it's really more of the thinking habit, the patterns of thinking and belief. That is what really dictates how we change and how we attach to certain things. So one of the things I like to do with my clients is have them really look at their their core values in a really big way and see how alcohol negates them and really looking at the underlying beliefs of alcohol to disprove them essentially. So all of those objections that we have, so I don't ask them what their their their beliefs about life are. I asked them what values of life they want to bring in and why. Because our beliefs are subjective based on our thought patterning, and if you've been following me, you know this so this is why it's so important to just trust like you're doing this work for yourself. You're getting educated and good for you. It's awesome. So I have been watching this show are actually we just finished And some of you may know about it called the Queen scam it on Netflix and it is an amazing series, it's completely captivating the actress in there is wonderful and I don't watch a lot of well, we don't have television, but I don't watch a lot of shows, just because it's not really the way that I spend my time a lot. But this was definitely captivating and it's a nice thing we do when we put them into bed sometimes if we find one we really like. So very prevalent in the show. And just as kind of a trigger warning for some people is the presence of alcohol. And the one thing I really loved about the way that they portray the use of alcohol is not glamorized at all you can see very clearly the the main character and then there's a mother figure involved, how they're using alcohol and there's also some some narcotics as a tool for, for coping for, you know, emotional processing or for rather for, for really just numbing and checking out. And it's so so blatant. And, you know, the mother in the show isn't kind of like wasted all the time, the main character does have some, some scenes where she just really kind of hits rock bottom. But the mother is kind of just casually drinking all day, which was kind of resonant with my life, I feel like and but she, she wasn't you can see this kind of emptiness in her this kind of void of spirit. And when we choose to change our relationship with alcohol, whether that's drinking less, or an alcohol free life, or, you know, just exploring it in general, we're often thinking about it from the egoic perspective from kind of the the human made world, rather than from changing from spirit. And that's kind of the emphasis of the work that I do isn't so much that you need to have some sort of spiritual practice, but, but filling yourself up with the joys and the wonder that it is to be uniquely you, rather than that idea of the fear of missing out on kind of these external, really superficial ideas of life. Now all of those things can be fun and, and joyful and experienced, but how are you doing it? Right. And I think that this kind of is one of the the issues in, in humanity, too, is that the fear of, of death, and you know, really understanding our own mortality, that we also look at that from from kind of the egoic perspective of this body kind of being the end of our experience. And now, this is for everyone else to decide. But that spark of life that is uniquely you, is what you are here to express more of, and I believe this with all of my heart. And that postponement of really the inevitable. I mean, you know, right now, if you're listening to this, that you're kind of looking to this future, with this feeling of stuckness that what if I get there and I don't like it? What if it's not better, so there's this belief that it won't be better. But then in this moment, now, there is this feeling of stuckness, there's a lack of the ability to expand and to move because you're with alcohol, the way that it's showing up for you in your life, you've kind of reached the limits of possibility, right? Like, we know alcohol isn't going to change, like going and hanging out with whoever or sitting in front of your TV, having some drinks like that experience is never going to evolve to something more than it has. So you have to just kind of take this leap of faith and trust. I know there are people in the outer world that are experiencing a deprivation, free, alcohol free life, and then throughout the process you get to choose and so my greatest mission in life is to break all the rules of sobriety, every single one of them and to tell you, you can start the process of unlearning or just deconstructing your relationship. without alcohol without stopping drinking, because I did it. I just took a new perspective, I ditch the judgment, I told myself, I wasn't going to have that daily mind drama. I said, Just take it off the plate, instead of wasting any time of saying, You're not not going to drink. I just did what I was going to do, but I watched it, I stepped into that place of the compassionate observer, and I witnessed myself. So it's confronting the story, which is kind of what you're doing right now. compassionately watching yourself and just saying, you know, nothing has gone wrong. I formed a habit, simply based on the way that the brain works just based on the science of what it means to form a habit, animals do it this in ways and we do it with everything. So just know that nothing has gone wrong. Curiosity, of what do what do I really want? What is my body's wisdom telling me about this? Why I need this? And am I willing to explore not altering my experience? Am I willing to explore my emotions as they are uniquely, and you know, it might be intense for a little while, but when you have the tools and the support, to do it in a different way, rather than something that, you know, we haven't learned people telling you potentially that being sad was bad, or that your emotions were too much. You know, there's a lot of stigma, especially around women's emotions that were completely rewriting. Now I am involved with a huge global sisterhood network, where women are reclaiming their power as divine feminine, and stepping more fully into their power as expressing the Shakti energy, that pulse of life that flows through us as a felt sense. That is your emotional body. So confrontation, compassion, and we do the confrontation with just grace, right? We do it with compassion. So it's not confronting, it's just so I can have my other see in there. confrontation, compassion, curiosity, and then commitment. And the commitment shouldn't scare you. The commitment is, is that ability to continue to show up for yourself No matter what, no matter if I have a drink again, no matter if, you know, I decide to let someone else's actions control my feelings. And I choose to drink because what of what someone else did. Right? So the commitment is you getting to know you know, thyself is really the purpose here. So I think we've been led astray by especially in our Western culture, Western culture has created consumers and producers, that is kind of what the structure is. Now, yes, there's this, you know, this boldness of the Explorer of the West and, and all of this kind of stuff, but it's really left out the individual. And I'm studying greatly the the mysteries of the feminine the mysteries of the goddess, which have been completely erased, just like many other things, you know, black and indigenous history being one of them. My lineage in my heritage, completely erased from, from what we've learned in school where, where there used to be a meat, the culture in Europe back in like druidic times, was a matriarch, where women didn't even partner with the fathers of their children. And they were the ones in charge. And they decided where their children would go to receive the education they needed to from a specific in a specific household, maybe with one of their other sisters, or whatever. And so, you know, and then there was the there was the deep, deep reverence to the connection with the land. And so, anyway, that's a little side note. But just to understand, there's a lot that has not exposed to us about what's possible, what our potential is, as women, for utilizing our bodies utilizing that deep knowing that felt a sense of inner wisdom between you and you know, your, your family, your loved ones, your children, the earth, your own cycles. So don't deny that you have this deep empathy that lives inside of you. Just to know it is just a sense of knowing empathy doesn't have to be I get sad when other people are sad. It's a knowing of relating to the energies around you. And alcohol takes that away in a really, really big way. So this idea that I want to talk to you about, or that I'm talking about, of this postponement doesn't need to be an all in all or nothing, right? When we commit to, to owning a belief, when we commit to getting to know thyself, there's no failure, we're willing to do whatever it takes and trying a bunch of stuff without making it mean anything. Right, we just keep showing up. And this has been why the process of coaching and mentorship for me in my life has been so invaluable because I get this opportunity no matter what I do all week long to go sit face to face to kind of reinvigorate my intention with my coach. And with my you know, I have another mentors too. So throughout the cycles of the year, I have this opportunity to kind of reinstate, and revitalize my intention, because our intentions change, as we spiral through the year and we grow, we kind of meet these our milestones, and that we're never there's no end game. So kind of thinking that there's this end game of the way that it's going to look, and it's going to be perfect, and all this stuff like that needs to just go away, because that's just not true. You get to be in the experiencing of life. And you get to grow your awareness for what that means to you. Rather than thinking something has gone wrong, because you're having a sad day, your your sad week, I mean, I go through a few down days every month, and I know what that looks like. So I really plan accordingly. And I don't make it mean anything. And I have a very open conversation with my partner because I share space with him. And you know, he understands and very much respects, my wanting to be maybe more alone, maybe more quiet. And that's all all it is. And he also goes through his own cycles and rhythms too. And, and we're there for each other to talk about it and, or not talking about it or just trust that things change, right, we kind of ebb and flow with life. And this postponement this waiting for this perfect time that will never come. Once you have heard the calling of that woman inside who you are not paying attention to you're not letting her come her emotional self come through, the more you wait, the more there is going to be to come out until we know that January 1 is not a magic date, it doesn't even really exist. It's a calendar made up by some dude. That really, you know, the the we I just celebrated with my with my sisterhood Friday the 13th this last Friday, which was the new moon for lunar salan, which was celebrated when we used to use the earth cycles and the star cycles as as our calendar. And that's actually the new year in, in that tradition of Celtic, Celtic understanding. And so I just was in a big global celebration of a week long celebration last week with hundreds of women from all over the world through my global sisterhood, and it was amazing. And every year that spiral comes around, and I really get to reflect on the potency of the time, really reclaiming my sovereign nature, as Priestess of the earth of myself. And what that means is a woman who is whole and holy unto herself, and she, she honors and trusts in her deep intuition and her deep knowing. And she moves forward, even through fear, but with the bravery and the courage that her unique self has a purpose in this world, and has medicine to share to the collective and you do to your unique gifts, that maybe are being danford right now. Are wait the world is waiting for that to be expressed. Someone else is in need of what you have to offer. And I know that it's hard to think that sometimes but your life is actually someone else's dream. And we kind of sit in our lives and think Oh, woe is me. But your life is the dream of someone else and so will you Yesterday I offered, you know, to really look at your life from a place of abundance around you is abundant, and move from that energy and just see see what's possible from there instead of always focusing on the what ifs, like, there's no guarantees anyway. So why do we sit in that place of what if, in my invitation to you, my friend, is when you put all of those thoughts aside that are just thoughts, they're not true. aside, and you start to take the next step into dismantling your relationship with alcohol, you will start to find a momentum and an expansiveness inside of you that you didn't weren't expecting, and it will be wonderful. And it will be magical. And there will be it won't always feel great, but it will be you doing you you showing up for you. And there is no feeling like that, that anyone else can give you but yourself. And you will wonder on the other side of it, why you ever waited so long, not in work with regret. But in the you know, in this way of like, Oh my gosh, the contrast of that, to me right now that life was dull and gray and I live in more of a Technicolor world now, even though it's not, you know, party all night and then sleep all day. I mean, that doesn't even sound appealing at all, but the further and further especially that I get away from it. And because I am, you know, studying and talk and thinking about it a lot in support of my work and my clients. I just can't believe that I I was I really was ever in the place where I thought it was a great idea. So I hope this helps you today. Enjoy this beautiful Sunday, and I will talk to you soon. Bye