S1E7: The NICU Shuffle

The NICU Shuffle is a dance that we will all perform on our journey. 

It will look different for everyone, and the steps will vary.  We wont always be dancing to the same beat, and sometimes the music will speed up, and sometimes the music will slow down.  

Your NICU Shuffle will need to adapt to the music and pace of your NICU journey. 

The way you shuffle it is up to you.  So don't be shy - grab your partners hand, and get on that dance floor!!! 

Transcript

There are so many aspects to the NICU, that you feel like there is always something new happening, either to you or around you.  

The NICU Shuffle can be fun, it can be annoying, and it can be frustrating too – but it is part of your experience, so you need to embrace it, learn the steps and keep practicing your moves! 

INTRO

G’day Dads, I hope you are all doing well out there!  

I have had some really positive and awesome feedback come through our Instagram and Facebook pages from Dads and Mums regarding the podcast so far.  One of my favorite comments thus far was from a Dad who messaged me saying “Thank you so much for making this podcast.  I’m two episodes in but knowing I’m not the only one going through this and hearing you say almost exactly what I am feeling is so comforting!”  When I read this message, I teared up.  Because this is the exact reason why I started this podcast.   I wanted to create a safe platform for Dads to share experiences and learn from others, and find connections on common things that we are all going through. As the old saying goes - Sharing is Caring! 

So please keep your stories and feedback coming through, and if there are any specific topics you would like me to explore, please don’t hesitate to get in contact with me through either Facebook or Instagram – both accounts are called dadsofthenicu, or via email on dadsofthenicu@gmail.com

Today – I wanted to dive into the experience that is the NICU. This wonderful beast of a place can be scary at times, rewarding at times, and daunting at times. Some days you get to the front door and don’t want to cross over that threshold, other days you are banging down the doors for them to let you in. I found my emotions and feelings about the NICU revolved around the health of my baby at the time. 

Everything that we will discuss today, I like to call the “NICU SHUFFLE”.  I use this phrase as it always felt like we were on the move in one way or another, and everything needed to work in harmony for it to all come together. 

Have you had those moments where; as soon as you walk into the hospital foyer, or even through the main doors of the NICU, that the smell hits you?  It is a smell that I can’t quite describe, but it is so distinctive, that every time if fills my nostrils, I let out a little gasp. It’s almost like a feeling of “oh not this place again”  or “here we go for another day in paradise”!  

Once inside, You slowly meander to you babies room, sometimes staring straight ahead, sometimes staring at the floor, and sometimes waving at all of the parents you have met on your journey, like you are some form of NICU celebrity. The closer you get to your room, the sounds start filling your ears.  The sounds of a desat, the sounds of a brady, the sounds of an apnea or a tachy episode. You think to yourself, “is that my baby, making all of that noise?”. You walk into the room and grab your gown, wash your hands, and prepare for your next session cot side.  

The next phase of the shuffle is what you do next.  Do you go straight for the nurse to get an update, or do you grab the obs chart to analyze the numbers like you are some sort of expert after being in there for 3 weeks?

Some days you get to the room and it is closed for a sterile procedure, and you have to wait outside and look through your socials for the 87th time that day. You start looking back at old photos, showing your partner saying “OMG I cant ever remember them being that small!” look how far they have come!

Sometimes you are just settling in for your bed side session and the room has to close as there is a new baby arriving.  And out you go again, another side-step in the NICU shuffle.  You could walk in with a plan set in your mind – right, today I am going to feed, change the nappy, read 2 books and have a 2-hour cuddle.  The next thing you know, they are doing the doctors rounds early, and you have to leave the room for 30min.  The NICU Shuffle can be cruel! 

Once you settle in for the day, your senses peak, and you start to hear everything.  All of the sensors, all of the alarms, people talking about other babies – it can be overwhelming at times. Sometimes it is just all white noise, and you don’t even notice it.  Those are the good days!  When you hear alarms go off your instinct is to look over and see what is happening, you know you shouldn’t, but you just can’t help yourself. If the nurses are not running, there is nothing to worry about!  

At times, you can be having a nice quiet moment alone with your little baby, and all of a sudden it is like 100 people just walked in to the room – it can get so loud that your baby cracks it, and it takes you 10min to calm them down.  All the while you are either politely asking other people to be a bit quieter, or you are throwing daggers at them with your eyes. I have certainly been on both sides of that! 

But then the main alarm rings out and everyone starts running somewhere, that’s normally when you keep you head down and think happy thoughts for everyone in the NICU. 

At times you can be so comfortable doing something, and you scratch you head accidently, and off you go to wash your hands again, for the 10th time in two minutes. Of you are feeding your baby through a tube, you have one and inside the isolet holding the feed and the other is holding their finger – out of no where, it feels like a million ants are running al over your face.  Why does you face itch every time you hands are occupied!  It was so frustrating, yet so funny! 

The atmosphere in the room will change so often it can be hard to keep up with it all and read the state of play.  Has you bay had a good night/morning?  Has a baby in the room had a great step forward, or gone backwards?  Are you arriving at the end of a night shift when the staff are staring at the clock waiting for the day shift to arrive? Some days you get in there and there is music playing and everyone is up and about, and the day is awesome!  Some days your baby will be absolutely flying, and another baby in the room is not at all, and you need to be measured in your enthusiasm, as a means of not gloating or making other parents feel worse. 

You will get so used to going in there sometimes that you naturally set up a routine, sometimes subconsciously. You will have your own ways of doing things, in your order, and if something happens that changes your process, it can put you off.  Just take a deep breath and remind yourself why you are there!

Most of the time though, you will get so sick and tired of the monotony, and the mondain consistency of having to turn up.  Day in, day out.  Some days you will hate the fact that you have to go in there again and spend all of your savings on the horrific parking costs at the hospital. But again, take a deep breath, and remember why you are there. 

Some days you will walk in there to drop off milk, and the old “oh look out girls, the milk man has arrived” cries out.  Enjoy the funny moments, as they can be few and far between!

At times, I was so surprised at how calm the NICU Shuffle was on certain days.  You walk in, and it is just so quiet.  Everyone is in there going through the motions, but it is just so chilled, you think to yourself have I missed something?  You almost think that it doesn’t feel right that everything is going to plan – and things can tend to drag out or drag on.  You might be waiting for a decision, or a major milestone or achievement to happen, but it takes days to get to the point you are aiming for.  Other days, things happen so bloody quickly that chaos reigns.  

The revolving door aspect of the NICU shuffle can be hard to keep up with.  Just as you get used to your location and room, you’re out the door and moved somewhere else as they need to shuffle the babies around.  Other times, the baby next to you has been moved and there is an empty spot.  You never know whether to ask if everything is alright, or if they have just been relocated.  

The longer you spend in there, the more people you will encounter doing their own NICU shuffle.  You will meet so many new people and families along the way.  Some of them are on the edge of despair, others have their blinkers on and have no grasp on how serious their situation is. The revolving door can be tough to navigate, but ultimately, you just need to keep your head down and focused on your little one and their development and progress. 

You will notice the zombie parents, sleep dancing their NICU Shuffle, completely stunned by what is going on.  They will be silent, and wont engage with you. You need to respect their privacy and leave them be. But maybe try and catch an eye and throw out a smile now and then. 

I have had on a few occasions, the NICU Shuffle beat me. I would be really excited to get in there and see my little girl, but as soon as I walk over to her, I instantly feel like I don’t want to be in there anymore, and I am looking for any excuse to leave.  It can get too much for you sometimes, and that is completely fine. If you need to take time out, take it!  There is no point in you being in there if you are feeling on edge, as you baby can pick up on that, and it can just make you and the situation a whole lot worse. 

So, what does this all mean?  Basically, the NICU SHUFFLE is a train that you have to jump on during your journey.  Where it goes and what it looks like will be different for everyone, but you need to manage it, and make it go at your set pace.  Try to not let it get the better of you, and if you need to, take a step back, take a deep breath – and remember why you are in there.  

OUTRO 

Next week, I will be starting to interview Dads that I met along my journey, and a few that have reached out to chat.  If you would like to jump on the mic and share your stories and experiences, I would really love it if you dropped me a line!  

Sharing is caring – cheers guys!