[223] Ready to Navigate the Days with More Time? Time Management Tips for Moms with Risa Williams

Check out this empowering episode as we unravel the secrets of mastering time and stress with the incredible Risa Williams. As a therapist and time management expert, Risa shares valuable insights and tools to help moms navigate the challenges of everyday life.

Risa shares the stress ruler, box breathing techniques, and the weekly post-it strategy – simple yet powerful tools that can transform the way you manage time and stress. Risa's wisdom is like a superhero toolkit for moms, offering practical advice and strategies to enhance your daily routine.

If you'd like to enter our DOUBLE PODCAST GIVEAWAY and win a copy of  The Motivation Mindset Journal: Your Guided Goals Planner for 2024 and the Sunday Prep Workbook+ for free, find the giveaway post on Instagram @risawilliamstherapy and leave a comment before Tuesday, December 19, 2023.

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Transcript

0:00

I'm sure you try many different time management strategies. You probably heard and tried a time-blocking the Pomodoro technique, but it's just something about these things. You just can't get things this tick. You're feeling like there has to be a better way and managing your time. Well, I've got a special guest that is going to help you with just that. Hey there. My name is Toni Ann. I am the podcast host of the real happy mom podcast, the podcast to help busy working moms. With time management and achieving their big goals without pulling their hair out and fun fact about me. I am the only girl in my house. I have two boys and my husband here with me. In today's episode, I am talking to Risa Williams. Risa is a therapist in Los Angeles and she is really good at helping people with managing their time and just feeling good about themselves. She's written three really awesome books. Called the ultimate time management toolkit. The ultimate self-esteem toolkit. And the ultimate anxiety toolkit, and she's also got an awesome podcast called the motivation mindset. Risa is really, really great at making people see things simply and have fun and also make people feel better. And do their best. So in this episode, we are going to talk about. A couple of different ways that we can do better at managing our time. And guess what it doesn't start with the tactics. It starts with our mindset. So if you are ready to really tackle this time management. And really do better about managing your time. Stay tuned to this episode.

Toni-Ann: 1:39

I really wanted to talk to you about time management in particular just because One of the things that I hear a lot from moms is I don't have enough time. Yeah. I need more hours in the day. And I want to start with the mindset part before we jump into some of the tips because I think it does start with how we're thinking about time. Um, and I just wanted to hear what your thoughts on

Risa: 2:00

that. For sure. As someone who is a busy mom myself, I completely understand the feeling when moms. Come to me as clients and say, there's not enough time. I just have to push through things because. A lot of the work I do with people in relationship to time is really all about stress. So, the more stress you're feeling, typically, the less time you feel like you have. It shrinks your perception of time. When you calm yourself down, the less stress you're feeling, the more time you seem to have. So once you start looking at things through this lens that it's all related to stress, it starts to make sense. sense, right? As moms, we're under a huge amount of stress all the time that we're not always admitting to ourselves. And I think that's the piece that's different for me when I work with moms versus people who aren't moms is that moms, because we're so wired to take care of people and to be nurturing to our children, we're often ignoring the signs of stress as it's rising throughout the day, and we're not really being honest with ourselves about how much stress we're under. So the first tool I teach people is called the stress ruler, which I want you to imagine a ruler, like a yellow ruler in school. And it goes from one to ten. And on the one side, you're feeling very low levels of stress. Like, you're mellow, you're very calm. Most of us are not at a one very much. Ten, maybe you're freaking out, it's like the highest level of stress. This is when you're completely overwhelmed by stress. Now, most of us go up and down on the scale. And that's what I want people to understand. Like, often when they're saying they feel stressed out, they're at a ten. And that's when they're acknowledging it. But what I try to teach clients is, I want you to catch it at what I call the red zone number, which would be somewhere between a 5 and a 10. And that looks different on different people. So some people, when they're at a 7, they look really visibly stressed out. Like you know they're stressed out. Everyone knows they're stressed out. Other people, and this might be like you or some of the listeners, we've learned to keep a really calm exterior. So people might not know we're at level seven. They might think we're at level three because we're trying to stay calm for our kids. We've learned to like keep it together on the outside. And this is where having this kind of knowledge helps you because you have to admit it to yourself. And other people might not step in and say, hey, you need a break because you look calm on the outside, right? So it's about getting honest with what do these different levels feel like in my brain and body? And what do I look like on the outside? When I'm at these different levels

Toni-Ann: 4:43

Well, you brought up such a good point about stress because Yes, this is very true, especially for us as moms that we are dealing with a lot and I like the ruler so now When we're noticing, okay, I'm at a seven. Yeah, are there things that you would say like, okay These are some simple things to do to help bring you back down from seven down to like a three or maybe even a four Yeah,

Risa: 5:07

so the first thing to realize is that stress, once we're feeling that, it's a chemical mix in our bodies. So it's gonna take a little while to come down. So we often have an unfair expectation, which is like, I'm at a level 10, how do I get to a level 1? That's not how it works. We have to go down like one notch at a time. So first of all, we gotta figure out what do the notches feel like. When you're at a 7, the reason I call it the red zone is, if you catch it at a 7, you have a better chance of bringing it down to like a 5 than if you catch it at a 10. Because now there's so much cortisol and adrenaline in your body that it's harder and harder to calm down. So some things that work for people, an easy one, and perhaps you learned this, you know, in your, in your training with the military. is box breathing. They often teach this to first responders, to dentists, to doctors. And this is, you take four, you breathe in for four seconds, you hold for four seconds, you exhale for four seconds and then you hold for four seconds. So when we control our breathing and we do deep breathing, it stimulates the nervous system to relax, to come down from the high adrenaline or high cortisol. And even just taking a long deep breath, if all that's, if the only thing you remember to do when you're feeling stressed out is take a long deep breath or pause or slow down on purpose and say, Hey, I'm feeling stressed out. I need to acknowledge it, feel what's going on in my body, and then try to relax a little bit. That's the first step. And then you can do other stuff that might work for you. Like meditating is good. Journaling, some people color, some people listen to music. It kind of depends on how much time you have and what you can do in that moment that connects with calming down for you. I like that, and

Toni-Ann: 7:02

I literally was doing some box breathing before we started talking. Nice! Because I was having a not so fun day at work, but it's okay now. Um, I'm glad that you brought it up about box breathing. Um, because yes, that is one thing I say all the time. I remember how we'd get so stressed out. Um, it's this one guy I used to work with who always tell me, he'd be like, you need to breathe. You need to breathe. And I'd be like, shut up. I am breathing. I know.

Risa: 7:29

Nobody likes to hear it, but it works. It's free. It does.

Toni-Ann: 7:33

It does. Yeah. It's really those deep breaths that you were talking about to, to get the nervous system to, to understand your body. It's not trying to fight off a bear. Like, it's okay. Calm

Risa: 7:43

down. Yeah. It's just, yeah. And, you know, often I think as moms, we get caught up in, okay, what's the next thing? What's the next thing? What's the next thing? And we need to, if you hear yourself saying those types of words, this is kind of what I teach clients. It's like, listen to the words you're using and acknowledge, I don't, I must not be that calm because if I'm saying I have to push through, I have to get to the next thing, I have to get it done, usually I'm already at like an eight. That's a warning sign to me. That my stress is already high because of the way I'm talking about what I need to do, I can hear it and then say, no, I need to slow down on purpose. I need to go slower. I need to like lie down for five seconds and just think until I let the stress chemicals subside a little bit. So, and a lot of this as moms, it's so good to do around your kids because you're modeling to them when you get stressed out. What are you going to do to take a deep breath to go sit in your room to say, mom, I need a second. Give me some time. Like, give me some space. I'm going to sit in my room and chill out. And can we let our kids do that too? Can we let them have that space to regulate their stress? Because what we're really teaching them is this is how you regulate yourself when you're feeling activated. Right. And sometimes saying to our kids. Hey, mom's feeling really stressed out. That traffic was so bad for me to deal with. I need to go sit down for a second. We can all like just chill here for five minutes before we do the next thing. And that can be a really helpful practice to show your kids as an example.

Toni-Ann: 9:23

Yes, yes. I'm a really big believer in the modeling. I tell my son all the time, like, I wish I could rub around on the floor and kick and scream, but that's not socially acceptable, son. Let's work on this. Bringing it back to time. So we've addressed that stress is definitely messing with the mindset that's getting us off so that we're not as, up to manage our time as well. So, um, what are some other things that you have found, especially working with clients that are moms? Who struggle with outside of the mindset when it comes to time management.

Risa: 9:57

Yeah So another tool I teach people is called the task intensity meter, which is where you rate tasks High middle or low levels of stress like how stressful are these tasks for you to do and I'll talk about Then how you schedule them. So basically you look at your schedule something like getting the kids to school in the morning Is that high level, mid level, or low level? Well, it changes day to day, but generally, how does that feel to you? You would be surprised how many moms say that's high stress. Getting the kids out the door, fighting for the parking spot, like, rushing them in before the bell rings, that raises their stress out. So then, you look at, well, what's after that? Well, I go to work, and that's high stress. Or I go home and I do all the errands, that's mid level stress. So, my goal with rating the tasks is you're not putting too many high level ones all back to back without a break in there. And that's what's going to raise your stress up. So you want to mix it up a little bit if you can. So for instance, if getting the kids to school stresses you out, it's high level stress, what can you do before you walk into your job? To bring the stress down. Do you sit in your car for a second and breathe? Do you play a relaxing funny podcast on the way to work to kind of bring it down a little bit? It's about being really intentional about where am I going next? What mindset do I need to be in and how do I regulate my stress so I can take that on? So let's say you go right in you've got back to back clients By that point after like three clients in a row and high stress everything You really need to address it now. So if you were looking at it intentionally through a lens of stress, you would say, okay, I have a little bit of a break. I need to step outside. I need to go sit down, not in an office, not read my emails or check my phone. I need to intentionally address bringing it down because in the afternoon I have another stressful block that might raise my stress up. So that's kind of how I start to look at how do we better manage. The things you need to do so you're not overwhelming yourself because what I find is a lot of moms will stack one high stress thing After another and then it's like picking up the kids making dinner going to a thing going to a class Whatever and it's too many in a row without enough breaks Yeah,

Toni-Ann: 12:26

and when you're talking to just made me think about Energy management. Yeah, I think a lot of times we hear time management, but What we really need to talk about is energy management. That's really what it is. And

Risa: 12:37

that's exactly what you're doing. And I

Toni-Ann: 12:39

love that, the task intensity, um, just rating that is um, definitely wanting to, like you said, kind of mix it up so that we're spending our, um, having the stress be different levels. But I'm thinking like energetically, like it will make the day a lot smoother too. So do you have any? Other things that you wanted to add as far as energy management, because I know that that is a big one that I think a lot of us miss out on when it comes to managing our time.

Risa: 13:07

Yeah, I think a lot of us We're not reading our own internal dashboard very well. So we're expending all this energy and we're thinking, Well, of course I have to do this. I'm a mom. But even just like having a talk about school with your kids or getting your kids through homework, your energy battery is draining, right? Like all these things are costing you, even though you love your kid and you love doing all these things. Everything is costing you a certain amount of energy, and if you don't replenish that at some point, you're going to be drained, and then what I find is people get emotionally wonky. They get grumpy, they get tired, they start feeling depressed, they start feeling like, how am I going to do it all tomorrow? Because we're not kind of addressing Stress and energy together. And, like, what can we do to make that better? Well, can you take a half hour to read a book by yourself? Like, not a stressful book, but a book that makes you happy. A lightweight, funny book. Or can you watch a show that isn't stress inducing? Or can you, you know, ask somebody to help you watch the kids for a minute? So you can listen to music while you're doing the dishes. Can you create head space to bring stuff down a little bit and contain it? So that you can go into the next four hours of being on duty as a mom. Because that's what we're talking about. It's like you're on duty all the time, pretty much, you know. So you need to carve out the space and take it really seriously. That it's essential for you. And what I see a lot of moms doing is like, well, I'm not that important. I have a lot to give. I'll just keep giving and giving and giving. Well, your body and brain might say no, and then you start shutting down and then you catch a cold or you're Recuperating from something because you pushed it too far without considering yourself in the balance. To do.

Toni-Ann: 14:59

Now, you have a couple of books, but one book in particular, it's called The Ultimate Time Management Toolkit, and I love that title, by the way. Oh, thank you. I'm just thinking about the moms who need even more resources and help and support in this area. I know that that would be a good first step in diving into that book.

Risa: 15:19

I think it would be good. It's written in a really simple way. It's written, I made up a bunch of tools, and they all have like a visual little cartoon. So they're easy to remember. It's also the type of book, you open it up and it's like a two page chapter on each tool with a little worksheet. So even if you're only doing one or two of those tools, and then playing around with them for a month, and that's all you're doing. You're gonna start changing things naturally. Those concepts will stick with you and you'll play around with them. So in other words, you don't need to commit a whole bunch of time to reading this book. You just need to flip open a chapter, read it, and say, okay, I'm gonna play with that one this week and see how it goes. I have some clients who are making their way through the book really slowly because they're busy moms, but it's already improved. How they're managing their stress, how they're taking new things on. Yeah,

Toni-Ann: 16:08

now I'm thinking about the mom that's like, Ooh, this sounds good. What's one popular, thing that you find that people tend to gravitate to inside of the book?

Risa: 16:17

I also have a thing called the weekly post it, which I've been using myself for years and actually a lot of experts who have come on my podcast, do the same thing, so the weekly post it. You do the brain dump, which might go on pages and pages of all the stuff you have to do. But that's not your to do list, and I don't even want you to call it your to do list, because that is very overwhelming to people. When you have like more than five things on there, just call it a brain dump. Then you take a post it, a brightly colored post it, you pick the three to five things that need to happen this week, and I want you to be really clear that these have to happen this week. And you put that post it somewhere you're going to see it every day. So it's a simple bullet note list. Like I write, you know, Doctor Appointment Tuesday, School Project, and then, you know, Podcast Recording Monday, or whatever else I have to remember. And I stick it on somewhere right by my computer. For me, it's, I have a desk lamp, and I stick it so it's in my face every time I'm looking at the computer. Don't hide the post it. Put it somewhere obvious. Otherwise your brain will ignore it. So the rule of thumb is, if you can see it, you'll probably do it. If you can't see it, you're not going to do it. Um, and then each week, you're kind of doing a weekly review, like on Sunday or Friday, and you're saying, which of these things did I do? You cross it off. If it's a good week, you get to crumple that post it up and throw it in the trash, which is a great feeling. If there's something that you didn't get to, you carry it over to the next post it. So, let's say I didn't edit the podcast and I meant to do it this week. My one starting Monday would be like edit podcasts, and then I'd add more stuff under that. The reason I use the post it is because it's such a limited tiny space. It keeps me from overloading myself, and that's the most common problem I see with moms, is that their to do lists are like 20 things long. That's way too many things. Our brains can only really focus on three or four things a week. That are super important. Now, I'm doing other stuff other than these three things. Like, I'm doing tons of other stuff. But this is just for me to follow through with those things. So, it's like the tasks you need to finish. You know, and get to the end of. Got

Toni-Ann: 18:28

it. I love it. I love it. And I know that if you have this, as well as all the other, I think, very helpful ways of being better with managing our time inside of the Ultimate Time Management Toolkit. I know that it's going to be very, very helpful. resource for a lot of other moms. So I will make sure to have the link to that book in the show notes and really quick, Risa and I are doing something pretty fun together. We're going to do a giveaway together. So I will be giving away, um, the Sunday prep workbook and Risa, you are giving away. I'm

Risa: 19:02

giving away the Motivation Mindset Planner. It's a goals planner that I designed and that Dulce Yamanaka illustrated. It's really great. You can mark off your progress on goals week to week and it has journaling pages and it has a lot of the tools that I teach clients. So you can order it at resawilliams. com and I'll provide a free copy to a lucky recipient who listens to this podcast. Yes. So

Toni-Ann: 19:28

definitely want to check out. The show notes to find out how to meet the lucky winner and Arisa, I am super pumped that we talked. I know we're definitely going to be talking again. I hope so. We find you. We wanna learn more about you.

Risa: 19:42

So I'm on Instagram at Resa Williams therapy, and you can also go to my website, resa williams.com. Please sign up for my newsletter because you get 50% off the Get Stuff Done Goals groups that I run. And lots of moms come to my groups, lots of busy moms running side businesses or working moms. So we have a lot of parents in there trying to manage their goals. And it's a really supportive group where people cheer each other on each month on zoom. And we break those goals down into tiny steps. So you leave with a written plan each month.

Toni-Ann: 20:15

Awesome. Awesome. Again, I'll have that link in the show notes. Thank you so much for coming on the podcast. This has been a

Risa: 20:22

real. for you. Thank you so much. I really enjoyed talking to you.

20:26

Now that does it for this episode of the real happy mom podcast. To find the links in show notes, head on over to row. Happy mom.com/ 2, 2, 3. And if you want to enter in that giveaway, head on over to Instagram and you'll see a post on Reese's Instagram page. Her handle is Risa Williams therapy. Make sure that you follow the instructions and leave a comment before Tuesday, December 19th, and you'll be entered into the giveaway. Now that's it for this episode, make sure you stay tuned for next week for another full episode. Take care of, and with lots of love.