In this episode, I lay bare my journey with alcohol, a problem that emerged during the challenging times brought about by the Covid-19 pandemic. As the world shut down, I found it difficult to cope, and the people around me suggested turning to alcohol as a means of relaxation. What started innocently enough with a single miniature moscato quickly escalated into a daily habit, hidden from my husband and spiraling out of control.
I share the struggle of justifying my actions and hiding my growing dependence on alcohol, not just from others but from myself. The turning point came when I realized the toll it was taking on my health and well-being. That's when I sought help and found a lifeline in my guest, Colleen.
Colleen joins us to share her own experience and expertise in breaking the cycle of alcohol and unhealthy coping mechanisms. Together, we delve into the impact these habits can have on productivity, confidence, and overall well-being. Colleen offers insights into how she helped me transform my relationship with alcohol and implement positive changes.
So, if you've ever grappled with alcohol or other remedies that promise to make you feel better but end up doing more harm than good, this episode is for you.
SHOW NOTES: https://www.realhappymom.com/227
NEXT STEPS
Grab Your Freebies: https://www.realhappymom.com
Check Out the Course: https://courses.realhappymom.com
In this episode, I lay bare my journey with alcohol, a problem that emerged during the challenging times brought about by the Covid-19 pandemic. As the world shut down, I found it difficult to cope, and the people around me suggested turning to alcohol as a means of relaxation. What started innocently enough with a single miniature moscato quickly escalated into a daily habit, hidden from my husband and spiraling out of control.
I share the struggle of justifying my actions and hiding my growing dependence on alcohol, not just from others but from myself. The turning point came when I realized the toll it was taking on my health and well-being. That's when I sought help and found a lifeline in my guest, Colleen.
Colleen joins us to share her own experience and expertise in breaking the cycle of alcohol and unhealthy coping mechanisms. Together, we delve into the impact these habits can have on productivity, confidence, and overall well-being. Colleen offers insights into how she helped me transform my relationship with alcohol and implement positive changes.
So, if you've ever grappled with alcohol or other remedies that promise to make you feel better but end up doing more harm than good, this episode is for you.
SHOW NOTES: https://www.realhappymom.com/227
NEXT STEPS
Grab Your Freebies: https://www.realhappymom.com
Check Out the Course: https://courses.realhappymom.com
So today I have an episode that I have delayed releasing for several months. I have delayed releasing this episode because I have to admit that I have a problem and I was afraid of being judged and you get to see one of my big secrets. So, at the time of this recording, I was dealing with a bad habit of drinking alcohol on a daily basis. It all started when the world shut down because of this ugly little cootie named COVID 19. I had a hard time coping with what was going on, not only in the world, but with my family and with myself. And the people that I worked with at the time would encourage me to have a drink to take the edge off. At first, it was just one little miniature Moscato. Then, it turned into two. Then it turns into three and each day I was drinking more and more and it got so bad that I would hide these little miniature bottles of alcohol throughout the house because I didn't want my husband who never drinks to see me drinking this much. I justified it that I didn't want him criticizing me and I wanted to have a drink in peace, but the truth was I was hiding it from him because I knew I was doing too much. And I didn't want to be called out on it, or worse being called an alcoholic. I honestly was drinking every day for months, and it got so bad that I could finish and it got so bad that I couldn't wait to finish the day so that I could have a shot of tequila or a glass of sweet red. Long story short, I finally realized that my habit of daily drinking was. unhealthy and I need it to slow down. So now I can go days and weeks without drinking. If I choose after implementing what my guest Colleen is sharing in this episode. So if you struggle with alcohol or other unhealthy habits, my guest Colleen is going to help you find other remedies in this episode. Hey there. My name is Toni Anne. I'm the podcast host of the Real Happy Mom podcast. The podcast for busy working moms who need more time and help with achieving their big goals without pulling their hair out. Now, I know alcohol and unhealthy coping mechanisms aren't necessarily directly related to time management or productivity, but it is something that can negatively impact your productivity by making you more irritable, lose your confidence and ultimately make you less productive. So in this episode, my guest Colleen is going to share her experience and expertise in breaking the cycle of alcohol and other unhealthy coping mechanisms. So, I hope you enjoyed this episode, but before we jump in, I wanted to make sure that you know about the Let's Get More Time virtual summit. This summit is happening February 22nd through the 24th, and it is a virtual summit for busy working moms who want to gain more time so that they can do the things that they enjoy without feeling tired and overwhelmed. This three day summit is going to help you with one Helping you to reshape your mindset around time, then it is going to help you with implementing routines that actually work. And then we'll introduce some time saving apps on the third day so that you can have more time in your days and weeks. So I want to make sure that you know about this summit that is happening here very soon. Make sure to get your free ticket by checking the link in the description and I'll see you there. Now that we've got that out of the way, let's go ahead and jump into this week's episode.
Track 1:All right. Welcome to the podcast. Excited to have you, and excited to have this conversation today. So welcome, welcome.
squadcaster-6643_1_10-07-2023_140247:Thank you so much for having me. It's so good to meet you.
Track 1:Yes, and I have been really anticipating, because you bring a different and unique topic that I know some moms may not be as open to talking about. But I'm hoping that after this conversation it will change things. But before we jump into that, I wanted you to share a little bit about you, what you do, and who you serve.
squadcaster-6643_1_10-07-2023_140247:Okay, so my name is Colleen Cashman. I am 50 years old. I have raised seven kids, four of them mine, and three of them in a blended family. So I've been the stepmom and I've been the regular mom, and my youngest is now 18, so I'm finally no longer driving. You know, my kids all around and I'm able to actually focus on myself. I am a sober ish. Notice the ish recovery coach. So I work with women who, like me relied on alcohol to relieve stress of our hectic lives. And unbeknownst to us, we don't realize that alcohol is addictive. And we are taught in our culture that there are two types of drinkers, the normal ones and the alcoholics. And so we neglect. The evidence that we've painted ourselves into a little bit of a corner, and we can talk about all of that and why that is and how it's an honest mistake. But the bottom line is I help women who think that giving up the only thing that actually takes the edge off is impossible. And that their two options are to hide it and continue to try to fix the problem on their own. Or to surrender their drink and go directly to aa. Do not pass. Go. Do not collect$200. Admit to everybody, you're an alcoholic. And that approach is actually runs against what we know about recovery and, and it's very counterintuitive to our culture because we think we have to admit we have a problem. So I work with women to not have to go to AA and to just recover themselves and who they are so that they. Feel like they have competence. They don't have to second guess their own judgment and they can return to drinking when they choose because they no longer believe or see themselves as a person who struggles or can't control their alcohol consumption.
Track 1:When everything went crazy with the pandemic, I will be honest, the thing that was my coping mechanism was my pink mascato and sweet red.
squadcaster-6643_1_10-07-2023_140247:Mm-Hmm
Track 1:it became like I had to have it like every day. And it got so bad that I was actually hiding it from my husband. This is why I really wanted you to come on and talk about this, because I think this is one of those things, like some people are like, I call'em closet drinkers or there are others, like people that I work with who make it that it's okay, like to have a drink. Like you had a hard day, you need a drink. So I was really excited to have you on because I know that there are other people who are struggling too, I wanted you to share with your story and how you even got to this space and how you got to this point where you're actually helping other women now.
squadcaster-6643_1_10-07-2023_140247:Okay, well I can do that by sharing my story and also putting your story in context. So I had my first child in 1997, and at that time, alcohol. There were rules for drinking and, you know, you don't drink alone, you don't drink on a weeknight. You know, I'm, I'm from a generation where alcohol, it wasn't normal to bring a bottle of Moscato to a play date, and with my first child, I would've never thought about drinking during the week. Or, but what happened is over time it became normalized. The alcohol companies realized they were missing half of the market in the early two thousands and started pink washing skinny margaritas and, you know, mommy juice and putting the the memes on the T-shirts at target. You know, I drink because you wine or just all the funny, fun stuff. And it slowly got in, integrated into our culture. And so this, this is in the early two thousands, and then when we went into the pandemic, the marketing strategies changed in the alcohol industry and they went to social media and normalized drinking at home. So exactly what you're talking about. Because we couldn't go out and be social. They still wanted to sell their products, right? And so in our social media feeds, we're getting cocktail descriptions and recipes and everybody's talking about drinking on Zoom calls, and it's funny. And so it just became normalized. So the needle has continued to move over. What I would say the last 30 years of my adult life, from there being very strict cultural rules around alcohol where, you know, a, you have a problem and then this is non-problematic drinking, and it just got really blurry and slurry. And so to your point I went into the pandemic and really gave it. My best to try to drink through it. That's what we were told on social media. You know, let's make cocktails, let's have happy hour over Zoom. And so for me, I was a little farther along in what I now know, and I'm not afraid to admit it's an addiction. But the stigma around addiction, we are addicted to our phones, we're addicted to coffee. You know, it's like addiction is simply when you need more and more of a substance to get the same effect. And that's why I, I call my experience with alcohol an innocent mistake because I didn't know that I was playing with fire. I didn't know, you know, I would never go to the doctor and get Xanax or some sort of antidepressant and just sit around and pop those pills, you know? But with drinking, it's treated more like a sport where we're Dr. Air quotes around, we're drinking tonight, and there's no talk of dose. There's no talk of appropriate use. I truly thought. As the mother of seven, that responsible drinking, which is what we're told, right, please drink responsibly meant downloading the Uber app and not driving drunk. So I think we just get a lot of really bad ideas and in our culture, we are taught to believe that alcohol relief, stress, and that it is a reward for hardworking, professional, successful people. And through the early two thousands. And after that, you know, Hollywood started at the Women's Liberation Movement that you can drink your whiskey like a man and I'll have what he's having. And so there's just a lot of subconscious beliefs that go into the daily drinking habit. And then what happens, like, I'll explain what happens with me is alcohol spikes your dopamine. Right. And then whatever goes up must come down. And so what happens is over time, the more you're drinking, your baseline levels of dopamine in your brain are falling. So you're starting to exist in a dopamine deficit. What that feels like is you aren't as motivated maybe to work out things, start feeling like. A pain in the butt. Like you, you wanna go work out and you wanna be with your kids, but you're kind of just, you've lost the joy out of life. And because you're in this dopamine deficit and the only thing that's gonna fix that is happy hour, having that cocktail, you don't realize you're stuck in a cycle of withdrawal. And so that's how you get into the daily cycle. And then of course, the cultural normalization of drinking. I found myself as a daily drinker. You know, I still remember when I switched from needing a reason to drink, like I'm going out with my girlfriends, or I'm going on a date with my husband, or you know, there's an event I needed a reason to drink, then. I needed a reason to not drink. I've already driven my kids. I've already done my things for the day, so I just got on this hamster wheel of checking all the boxes every single day so that I could get my reward, and that's how I found myself. So back to the pandemic. For me, that was a train wreck that actually saved me because I started drinking more and more every single day. Happy hour, got earlier and earlier. Because I didn't realize my brain chemistry had been altered by alcohol. And so I was hungover in the mornings because I was drinking more, and I just couldn't do it anymore. And finally I woke up one day not really thinking I had a drinking problem, but thinking the only thing I could do in lockdown for myself was to stop drinking. And so that was kind of how I came into it.
Track 1:I wanna start with talking about, how people turn to alcohol as a coping mechanism. And just why do people often, I know you talked about marketing and things, but why do you feel like people often turn to alcohol as a coping mechanism?
squadcaster-6643_1_10-07-2023_140247:Well, because it is a drug and it's a depressant which means that it relaxes you. What we don't realize is that our brain wants us to stay alive, and if we get too relaxed, we forget to breathe. So in the immediate use of drinking the first 20 minutes, maybe up to an hour, you are feeling relief. From stress and it is a socially acceptable coping skill. So you know, if you are, are looking to self-medicate in some way. And for me, I, I didn't want to eat junk food. You know, it, it's not really about the, the, the pull of alcohol, it's a pull of the relief from the stress. And we don't realize that stress is an internal. Reaction to our life. And so for me, the more I drank, the more stressful my life seemed. You know, I hated my husband. My kids were screwed up. I had so much to do and so many responsibilities, and I didn't realize that the reason I was perceiving all of these problems was because I had. Jacked up sky high levels of cortisol. If you're a regular drinker, your levels of cortisol in your body. For me, they were off the charts. My doctor thought, because of course I didn't tell her I was a daily drinker. When I got my levels done, she was like, I think, I think there might be something wrong with the test because there's no way your cortisol levels are this high. So we turn to alcohol because it's there. And it's in our environment and it's normal and socially acceptable, and that's really it. It's not really that complicated. The truth is, if you're not turning to alcohol and you have a lot of stress in your life, you're gonna turn to something, whether it be food or over exercising or overworking or you know, just shopping, like whatever. It's really the, the problem is we're not managing our feelings and so we have all this stress and it's gotta go somewhere.
Track 1:You brought up a big thing about stress because as moms we have a lot of things that are stressing us out especially when it comes to the kids. So what would you say are some of the signs that someone is stuck in the cycle of stress in this? Unhealthy coping mechanism of drinking.
squadcaster-6643_1_10-07-2023_140247:Yeah, I, I love that question because. I Googled, you know, the difference between alcohol use disorder and alcohol alcoholism, or you know, what is the normal amount to drink? I was looking for answers outside of myself and ignoring my own experience. So really the answer to that question is the question itself. If you are wondering, then the answer is there's something you need to pay attention to. Yeah.
Track 1:So now that we know, okay, there is definitely a sign that we're probably using alcohol as an unhealthy coping mechanism, what would you say? Are some of the things that I guess would be some of the symptoms of, you know, using alcohol too much and how it impacts us physically and mentally.
squadcaster-6643_1_10-07-2023_140247:Oh, and that's just it. You know, I judged my alcohol use based on whether or not I had a hangover, and you know, I had a very high tolerance. So most of the time I didn't have a hangover. So your question is really, really important because I always thought if I woke up without a hangover, I was back to normal. But alcohol is a depressant drug. So I want you to think about how we go to our doctors when we're struggling with, you know, anxiety or depression or whatever. What do they give us? They give us an antidepressant. So if we are medicating ourselves without. Unregulated amounts or high amounts or regular consistent use of a depressant drug. What we don't understand is how that's affecting our mental health and. What it's doing, it's putting our body into a state of stress because biochemically, you get a dopamine spike and then you get the withdrawal, the dopamine falls, and then you're in the state of agitation, you know, universal withdrawal symptoms. From anything, I don't care if it's your phone or coffee or alcohol, but universal withdrawal symptoms, our irritability, insomnia really negative thinking, apathy. And so we then project those emotions onto our life and we don't connect the dots. So really a, the other thing about alcohol when you. It's called alcohol use disorder, which is basically, sum it up to this, do you drink more than you want to drink or more than you think you should drink? If the answer is yes, welcome to the club. And then what happens is just over time you, you come up with more and more stories to justify because it gets harder and harder to resist relieving the stress. But we don't realize that the stress we're feeling is primarily caused by alcohol. So we're drinking to relieve the stress that's caught, that's being caused by alcohol, and we just get into this cycle.
Track 1:One thing that I did want to, to share with you is, I remember I was watching this comedy show and it was about moms, and I don't remember exactly what the question was, but it was something like, you know, like how did you deal with, like raising your kids or how did you deal with those hard times with raising your kids? And all the moms were like, we drank. We just drank a
squadcaster-6643_1_10-07-2023_140247:Yep. Mm-Hmm mm-Hmm.
Track 1:like we all were laughing and we thought it was funny. But once I sat back and thought about it, I'm like, that's not really a good thing to do. And it, it was just funny to me how everyone was just like, yep, lots of wine or lots of tequila, whatever your, whatever their, their preference was. But I, like you were saying earlier, things have gotten normalized and I was just wondering what. Ro has society played as far as the pressure or normalization of, of drinking that actually perpetuates that cycle that you were talking about?
squadcaster-6643_1_10-07-2023_140247:Well, we give a lot of mixed messages. You know, you said it yourself where once you internally you have an idea in your head about what's okay to drink and what's not, and that's not objectively true, right? It's based on the people you're around it. It's what's socially acceptable in your. Corner of the world. But when you experienced that in inner voice that said, Hey, I feel like this might be a little too much, what did you do? You hid it. And that's because in our culture, there's mixed messages there that. There's a difference between normal drinking and alcoholics, and once you cross some imaginary line in your own imagination, then you start to hide it. I mean, for me, I even hid it from myself. I was brilliant. I had bottles of wine, like I would always have extra bottles in my closet, and so. On my kitchen, I might have a bottle of wine open and my kids and my husband might see me responsibly drink two glasses because in my world, that was perfectly healthy. But I would go refill in my closet. And what happens is that that causes you to disconnect from yourself. That is what causes the mental health issue, which is why we say this is a thinking problem, not a drinking problem. Because the moment you think you are air quotes around getting away with it, you've forgotten that you are a person, that you deserve to wake up feeling heal, happy, and healthy and fresh. And so somehow in your mind, you've allowed alcohol to become a crappy consolation prize for you neglecting yourself. Like we've come to believe that self neglect is somehow a sign of resilience and it's the exact opposite. So then you disconnect from yourself and it's uncomfortable to, to think of yourself as a liar or hiding something, and so you just stop paying attention to that inner voice because it's going against what your behavior is doing. So. It's not alcohol, that's the problem. It's not even alcohol that changes your brain. It's very easy to break the addiction to alcohol just like it would be sugar or coffee, you know, 10 days tops, and you are through it. The problem is the, the way it changes your. Thinking because you're justifying and validating and excusing and defending and gaslighting the people around you. You know, I can remember my husband would come home and I'd slur a word and he'd be like, have you been drinking? And I'm like, no. And I was just defending myself, protecting myself, because I didn't wanna expose that I thought. I had a problem, like the problem isn't objective. It's the fact that I thought I, I was drinking too much. I was ashamed of it. And that's, that's what this is really about. It's about turning away from yourself and that's why you lose confidence. That's why you lose. Your personal power, because you've started telling yourself a story that you've lost control and that you're a bad person, if you will.
Track 1:Yes. Yes. And and honestly as you were talking, I was thinking about actually what was kind of my breaking point. Well, there was a couple times I told you I was hiding things from my husband. He eventually found it.'cause I'm not that good at hiding things. And he
squadcaster-6643_1_10-07-2023_140247:I get it.
Track 1:things to sabotage me so that I couldn't enjoy those things that I was hiding. But anyways, I had one of my friends, I think I was just talking about like, you know how I had such a hard day at work, something about work. I must have had a one of those rough days. And I was just like, yeah, I'm about to pop open this bottle and just. S, it would be great. And she was like, Tony Ann, like anytime like you have a hard day, you always talk about like drinking something. Are you sure you're okay? And like that was when I was like, oh,
squadcaster-6643_1_10-07-2023_140247:Yeah.
Track 1:Maybe something is going on. Maybe I do need to like kinda check myself and see like what is really going on. Like, why do I always feel like I need to do that when I have a hard day?
squadcaster-6643_1_10-07-2023_140247:Yeah. The thing is, is you don't have to overthink it. It's just a habit and it's a, it's a habit with a rewarding mechanism in your brain. So it kind of, it causes super learning in your brain, you know? I mean, we can learn and pick up any habit, but because of that dopamine spike with alcohol, it spikes your dopamine up to 10 times more than even sex or food or other pleasurable activities. So I equate. Alcohol when the more you do it, it's kind of like eating a blueberry right after you eat a really sweet piece of candy or something, the blueberry tastes sour and just ugh, compared to the, the really intense sugar. And that's what alcohol becomes in the brain is it's just the only thing that actually seems to work and your perception is accurate. Because of the way alcohol you know, affects your brain chemistry.
Track 1:Now, earlier you did mention that there, it's easy to break the addiction and I don't want anyone who's listening to feel like, yep, that's me. Like I'm just, you know, a lost cause. Like I don't even know how to fix this or. There's no, no hope for me, that kind of thing. I just wanted to know, especially for those that are listening who want to get out of that cycle. How can we break these cycles when we feel like we have to drink?
squadcaster-6643_1_10-07-2023_140247:Well, the first thing I'm gonna say is to what you shouldn't do, and that is. Identify as somebody who has a drinking problem and go into a program where you are encouraged or you know, kind of forced to say you're an alcoholic and admit you are powerless over alcohol. Research shows that it is the belief that you can't control yourself. That perpetuates over drinking in the future. Like I have been able to reintroduce alcohol with no problems. I can handle about half a glass of wine and then that's all my body wants. And that's, that's, you know, maybe once every couple weeks. And if you go into a, a program that is su. Focused on becoming sober, and that's an identity, kind of like a religion almost. Then it can work and it does work in the short term for some people. The problem is then now you've committed to a lifetime of sobriety and you feel confident and you feel good because you're not drinking, and then your brain wants to feel like a normal person again, and now suddenly sobriety feels like a punishment. Or other people get to dictate what you can and can't drink, and you then you start to feel powerless and it becomes a self perpetuating cycle. And so the first thing you shouldn't do is that recognize this as a mental health problem. You know, like I, my program, it's not about the alcohol I teach. You know how to fix your dopamine deficit. How to regulate your nervous system, how to have a growth mindset, how to repair the relationship with yourself. But you can do that and join a church program or join some other program in your society, you know, if you need help actually stopping and quitting drinking. There are a lot of ways to break that cycle, but I have to be honest with you, once you make the decision, like committing to 10 days. A week, a month, 60 days a year, like whatever. Once you make that decision, it's a lot easier. You know, it's the, I don't know what changed for you, but, but it's the question, am I going to drink tonight or. Trying to decide how much to drink. Like the easiest thing to do is just take a alcohol off of your list of options until you feel in control and powerful again, and, but not just. Not drinking like you. You wanna repair the relationship with yourself, with your integrity. And so getting involved in something that, that connects you to a purpose that's higher than yourself, that connects you to a passion. You know, one, one thing that I say is pursuing happiness instead of sobriety is how you reconnect with that powerful, you know. Passionate version of yourself because truly happy people don't drink themselves into a stupor. You don't have to worry about over-drinking if you are aligned with your values and your higher purpose. And so if you can find a program that bypasses the alcohol, it's just not about the alcohol. It's just a bad habit like anything else, and once you make the decision to cut it out, your, your brain's gonna clear up and you're gonna be able to direct direct yourself to whatever lights you up and, and calls to your heart.
Track 1:And I love how you talk about pursuing happiness versus sobriety because I honestly, I was waiting for your response. And I was thinking you were gonna say something else, but once you said that, I was like, really relieved because I, I know it's, it's easy to say like, yeah, you know, you should just not drink anymore. Like, like you were saying, like how those programs make you feel like you're, you're perilous, like you can't control yourself and all those things. And I have heard of those programs that you talked about and I was, wasn't really feeling it at all. So I love how you say pursue your happiness versus sobriety, and I know that you have a free masterclass that I think can kind of bridges into that about change your thinking about drinking that masterclass. So I wanted you talked to us about this free masterclass and how it can help us.
squadcaster-6643_1_10-07-2023_140247:Okay, so what I teach in the masterclass is basically what the real problem is and what you need to do to solve it. And again, thinking and identifying as somebody with an alcohol problem is just a cul-de-sac of. Doing loops around, you know, then you start, quit drinking for a while, and then you start again, and then you quit again, and you start again because you think it's about alcohol. I teach a four puzzle pieces, if you will you know, changing the way you think and changing your relationship with yourself and the skills and the tools that you need to do that. And so I lay all of that out in a one hour masterclass so that when you walk away you feel hopeful and excited to start, you know, maybe a period of sobriety or just cutting back to just the weekends. You know, in my program, some women, you know, they quit completely. Some women are kind of easing in and out because, you know, maybe their, their goals are different. Like, I encourage my, my. Clients to change their minds frequently based on the experience in their body. Like there's no one way to be with alcohol or anything else. What's important is that you're listening to yourself. So in the masterclass I lay out, you know what that means, you know, with your brain chemistry, what that means with your nervous system. One of the biggest things I think people don't realize is mindset work. You know, I'm sure you talk about mindset on your program and you just gotta change your mind. You can't change your mind when you have a dysregulated nervous system. You can't change your mind when you are existing in a chronic state of fight or flight stress biologically, it's just impossible. So I teach women how to start with their bodies first and to regulate their nervous system and then start working with their belief systems and their mindset.
Track 1:Thank you. Thank you. Now, Colleen, I know that there are moms who are listening, that want to connect with you, learn more about you. So where can we find you online? Where's the best place to connect with you?
squadcaster-6643_1_10-07-2023_140247:It is pretty simple. I have a podcast called Recover with Colleen, and that's also my website. Also my Instagram and Facebook. So anywhere you're at, look for recover with Colleen and you'll find me. I.
Now that does it for this episode of the Real Happy Mom podcast. To find the links in the show notes, make sure you head on over to realhappymom. com slash 227 and make sure to stay tuned for next week for another full episode where I'm going to be talking about tips for clearing the mental clutter so that you can start feeling overwhelmed with your thoughts. So that's it for this week. Take care and with lots of love.