Unicorns, Hamsters, & the Comparison Trap

What do unicorns, hamsters, and comparisons have in common?  If your interest is piqued and you are wondering what on earth this has to do with homeschooling, then join Carrie for this week's podcast.  Do you feel like you are constantly spinning your wheels but going nowhere and accomplishing nothing?  If so, then take a little break from all of the hustle and bustle, get off the crazy train for a spell, and pour yourself a much-needed cup of coffee.  Join Carrie this week as she uses a few humorous analogies to explain why homeschooling moms always seem to be in perpetual motion and more importantly with a little humor, she shares a few ways to make the never-ending spinning stop. 

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Transcript

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Hey y'all, this is Carrie D from Coffee with Carrie. Welcome to season two of Coffee with Carrie Podcast. It's such a privilege to do this adventure we call homeschooling with you. Thank you for tuning in again and walking this homeschooling journey with us. If you're new to us, you can find us on Instagram at Coffee with Carrie Consultant or at our website, coffeewithcary.org. So stick around, pour yourself a cup of coffee, put your feet up, and take a little coffee break with me. I think you'll be encouraged. Unicorns, hamsters, and comparisons. What do they have in common? Well before I answer that question, let me ask you a different question first. And it might sound a little strange, but here goes. Do you have a perfect unicorn homeschooling mama friend? Come on, you know what I'm talking about. The homeschool unicorn mama is that perfectly groomed, serene, mild mannered, magical mom who lovingly teaches her kids, prepares daily dreamy dinners, and grants wishes and makes dreams come true. She whispers only words of encouragement and she never loses her cool. She comes to the rescue of her husband and her little children and friends, and she firmly stands in a gap to protect those she loves. Her beautiful mane is flawless and flows in the wind while her eyes twinkle with joy, her hands are freshly manicured, and her hindside is tight and firm. There is not a wrinkle to be found, a flabby roll to be seen, a hair out of place, or a harsh word to be heard. Why she wears so many hats her beautiful horn is never seen. It's beautifully covered and adorned by her wife, mom, teacher, daughter, caregiver, ministry leader, nurse, personal chef, and chauffeur hats. This perfect, harmonious, selfless, beautiful creature is the elusive homeschool unicorn mama. And let's face it, we all want to be her. We spend countless hours reading books, searching the internet, going to conventions, and asking for advice to find this elusive creature and to become this beautiful mythical creature. Even after 20 plus years of homeschooling, I know I still scour bookstores and constantly ask friends for advice on the perfect method, the perfect curriculum, or the perfect group to join. So let me honestly ask you, while chasing down this elusive, perfect homeschool unicorn mama, have you turned into a wild-eyed, crazy hamster who's stuck on a perpetual spinning wheel? I know I have. While searching for and trying to become this perfect mythical homeschool unicorn mama, I have turned into a crazy little wide-eyed hamster. And while searching for the perfect homeschool unicorn, I have become a chubby, short tempered, imperfect little hamster who perpetually runs in circles on my little hamster wheel, hour after hour, day after day, and year after year. So are you one of the crazy little hamsters on the hamster wheel with me? Granted, I do have a few homeschooling mom friends who are pretty darn close to being that elusive homeschool unicorn, but I'm pretty sure many of you see yourself on the wheel with me. So what happened to turn us into these crazy little furry creatures? One word comparison. Let's face it, mammas, we are experts at comparisons. And it's hard not to compare. The proverbial Joneses don't live next door anymore. They live on our computers twenty four seven, constantly reminding us how we don't match up to their perfect little families, their perfect little homes, and their perfect little schoolrooms. It's hard not to compare our crazy little families, messed up kitchens and incomplete workbooks to the ideals and picture perfect snapshots on Instagram, Facebook, and Pinterest. I'm guilty of comparison. Are you? Honestly, I think we're all guilty of it. In our well meaning efforts to be the best mom and the best teacher we can be, we left the lush pastures and cool waters provided by our good shepherd and jumped head first on the crazy train, or should I say the crazy hamster wheel? And it doesn't matter how long we've been homeschooling. I think we're all guilty of comparing ourselves, our kids, and our homeschooling to what we see and what the world expects. Brace yourself now. I need to tell you a few things. First, did you know the hamster wheel doesn't go anywhere? Yeah, I know. I was ticked off when I figured that out. And two, did you know the perfect unicorn homeschooling mama is imaginary? Yeah, I know. I was ticked off even more when I figured that one out. So if the wheel doesn't go anywhere, where have I been going this whole time? And what have I been chasing? And how in the world did I get on this hamster wheel? And more importantly, how do I get off this thing? Well first we need to stop pedaling. Did you know the wheel will come to a screeching stop if we just stop moving our feet? I know. When my husband suggested I just stopped furiously pedaling to keep up with everybody, I couldn't believe how simple that sounded. It was almost too easy. So I stopped pedaling. And actually, I tried to stop all of my other useless movements too. Like I tried to stop waving my hands at my friends as I ran after them screaming, wait for me, wait for me, we want to join you in that new awesome class, even though my kids are already taking five of five thousand other things. And I tried to stop wagging my finger at my kids while nagging. You get that math done right this minute, or I'll I'll I'll do something, and you won't like it. And I even tried to stop flapping my lips that usually said less than edifying and encouraging words. Y'all, I just stopped moving. I ceased from peddling. I ceased from screaming, I ceased from nagging, I ceased from trying to keep up with everyone else. Like my husband said, I just stopped peddling. Second, once we stop pedaling, we need to reach out to the wild eyed hamster next to us on the crazy wheel and offer our hands to her. You'll be surprised how many of our friends want to get off this crazy mama and homeschooling wheel too. But since we're on it, they figure it must be the right wheel to be on. Or perhaps they're just afraid to take the first step. They need some encouragement to stop comparing, to stop stressing, and to stop pedaling too. And while you're at it, take your husband and your kids off the crazy hamster wheel too. Chances are they've been in perpetual motion this past school year because you were in perpetual motion. They may not even know how or when they got put into the crazy wheel, but all they know is that they need help escaping too. So offer a hand, scurry as fast as you can to get off this wild and crazy ride of comparison, and take a friend and your family with you. And then once you're off, take a deep breath. Enjoy the fresh air outside of the cage and then run. Run free, mamas. Now, am I encouraging to run away from homeschooling and to give it up? No way. But I am encouraging you to homeschool the way God has called you to do it. Every family is different, which means every family's homeschooling day will look different. So there is no need to compare. Homeschool the way God intended you to educate your children. God doesn't want a bunch of perfect Joneses. He wants imperfect DeFranciscos who are made strong in his weakness. He wants obedient Wongs who trust in the Lord with all their hearts and who do not lean on their own understandings. And he wants faithful Gonzales who believe he who has begun a good work in their family is faithful and just to complete it. Whether God gently called you into this adventure we call homeschooling, or he used neon signs and roadblocks to get you here, or he chased you down until you couldn't ignore the call anymore. Remember, he who calls you will equip you. God calls us to be faithful servants, not phenomenal teachers or perfect moms. Did you catch that? I've said it before and it's worth saying again and again. God calls us to be faithful servants, not phenomenal teachers or perfect moms. If we're faithful to our call, whether it looks like the perfect homeschool unicorn or the imperfect messy hamster, God will say at the end of this wild and crazy journey, Well done, good and faithful servant. And if you're not so convinced, listen to my podcast episode, Your Ultimate Job Description, and the podcast episode Just Breathe. I think it will encourage you even more. And here's a little challenge for you. Participate in Messy Mondays with me. A few years ago, a good friend of mine told me to not just post the wonderful days, but to make sure I post the crazy, messy, mixed up, and awful homeschool days too. Social media is filled with perfect little families, with perfectly completed lessons and perfectly clean houses. And y'all don't get me wrong, those posts can be very encouraging and very inspiring to see, especially for moms like me who struggle. We love the ideas and it inspires us. But we need to remember that even the most seasoned homeschooling moms have bad moments, bad days, and even bad months. Sharing with other moms our good, our bad, and our ugly is an opportunity to be real. It's an opportunity for growth. It's an opportunity to laugh at ourselves, and it's an opportunity to ask for prayer. It might even be an opportunity to encourage a mom just like you who might be struggling with the same challenges that you are. So next Monday, I challenge you to make it a messy Monday. Share your piles of dirty clothes, the unfinished schoolwork, the kitchen disasters, and the desks that are covered with, well, I don't know, whatever they're covered with. Let's just be hot messes together. So all of you who are weary from this crazy homeschool hamster wheel and who are burdened by self-doubt and destructive comparisons, I implore you to come to Jesus. He promises to give us rest. Let God lead you to fresh waters. He's calling you and me to lie down in green pastures so he can refresh our souls. He wants us to lie down and rest in his power, rest in his provisions, and rest in his vision for our families. So stop chasing the magical homeschool unicorn mama. Get off the crazy home school hamster wheel with me, won't you? Stop comparing yourself and your homeschooling calling to those around you. And remember, whatever you do, work heartedly as for the Lord and not for men. Let our aim be to please God and not man. Thank you for hanging out with us and for joining us for this little coffee break. If this is your first time joining us, you can find us at our website, coffeewithcary.org. We also have daily devotions and homeschooling tips at our Instagram account, Coffee with Carrie Consultant. And don't forget to check out my new book, Just Breathe and Take a Sip of Coffee, Homeschool and Step With God. During this holiday season, may I humbly suggest that you buy a few copies of my new book and give them to some of your homeschooling friends this Christmas. Here at Coffee with Carrie, we think it would make a great gift for moms who need some encouraging or who just need a fresh new outlook for the new year. It's also a great gift for your homeschool co-op leaders or for some of the younger moms in your homeschool group. Thanks for picking up a few extra copies this holiday season and giving them to your friends. And if you heard something you like today, then share our podcast with a friend who might need a little encouragement this week, or share it with a friend who's homeschooling. And if you haven't already, we would love for you today to subscribe to Coffee with Carrie Podcast and then take a few minutes to give us a five-star rating and a little review. In the podcast world, it's all about the algorithm. The more activities, ratings, reviews, and subscribers Coffee with Carrie has on iTunes, Spotify, and Amazon Music, the more our podcast is recommended by those servers to other listeners. Thank you in advance for listening to us each week and for sharing our podcast, my book, and our homeschooling mom ministry with your friends. We're so very honored and grateful. It's our prayer that our website, our homeschooling consulting services, our podcast, and our new book will help you homeschool one step at a time, one day at a time, and one cup of coffee at a time. We're praying for you. Stay healthy, God bless, and see you next time.