Dispatches from Seattle
Episodes
46 episodes
The Bigger Boat: Creature from the Black Lagoon
Ethan has another podcast! Enjoy the first episode of The Bigger Boat, wherein Ethan and his mom discuss Creature from the Black Lagoon. For more, check out The Bigger Boat wherever podcasts are enjoyed.
Assassinate Me, Daddy
We’re back to ponder the hard questions like, was Stalin a good person? Having never received our check from President Xi, we start simping for Cuba, which has the advantage of still being socialist. Ethan runs through dread goddess Rona’s late...
Pour One Out for My 2004 Acura
Who’s to blame for the ongoing covid epidemic: individuals who haven’t been vaccinated for whatever reason? Or the leaders of the most powerful nation in history refusing to do a damned thing about it? We contemplate these and other questions, ...
The Ocean Burns
How many kaiju do you think came through that rift? We contemplate a world on fire. Jason reminisces about the car he bought from a pirate, Ethan lectures from the Bible, and we check if some of our favorite places survived the pandemic. Plus: ...
Re(turn)demption
Surprise—we’re back! We needed a break, but the world kept on turning. We return to shovel through the manure of our crumbling neoliberal order in a desperate search for content. Join us as we rant and rave about test-tube ten-year-olds, our re...
Bearial
Wherein SquadCast screwed us out of audio. We brainstorm ways to accustom bears to the taste of human flesh. Jason reconciles with his father, Ethan collapses under the weight of feline affection. Plus: season 3 is here! (It was more impressive...
One More Dick, or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Pod
We reflect on what we’ve learned, if anything, from a year of podcasting in the shadow of our dread goddess Rona (praise be unto her). Jason reviews Oscar bait while Ethan thirsts for fictional bad girls. Plus: we get rich in a galaxy far, far ...
Hustle for Your Healthcare
We’re a week out of date because Ethan forgot to edit last week, but who’s counting? Except you, Dev. We've heard your complaints. Love you! Pfizer punched Jason’s V-card, so he shares the experience. Ethan relives the glory days when rent in S...
Uncancel Me, Jesus
Jason watched CPAC so you didn’t have to. You’re welcome! Turns out, the nazicons are up in arms about the alleged phenomenon of cancellation culture. Ethan gets canceled, Jason gets canceled, and even though he isn’t on this episode, Dev’s pro...
CrawDad
It snowed in Seattle! Our fur babies had mixed feelings. In this episode, we quit the podding business and move to Hollywood. Jason complains about Republicans for once, Ethan delivers a lengthy lecture on the tenets of fascism, and we weigh in...
The Guano Episode
America’s favorite blood sport culminated this past weekend. We barely talk about it because screw football! Instead, Ethan has dinosaurs on the brain, Jason discusses the finer points of pirate honor, and we fantasize about what kind of posthu...
Diamond Hands
Fake money burns and billionaires lose fortunes. Down with the stock market! Join us as we gloat over loser hedge funds and relive the glory days of drinking PBR tallboys in Parkland. Ethan puzzles over panzer waifus, Jason struggles with outra...
The Man of the Hour
Today, we talk lighthuggers, Ice Mendicants, Ultras, Stoner wedding ceremonies, and best girl Ilia Volyova. Our verbal onslaught continues against Anthony Fauci, America’s most powerful octogenarian doctor, and we complain a lot about calls for...
Nazis Raus
Trump and his supporters made the weaksauciest coup attempt since Juan Guaidó. We talk about it. Ethan cackles and crows, Jason retains some semblance of humanity, and we try to set this event in the broader context of American empire, the puni...
Guns Don’t Kill People, Helicopters Kill People
Special guest host Dev returns to the pod to help us relive this nightmare year! We promise this is the best 2020 summary episode you’ll hear all year. Jason confesses that this was all his fault, Ethan announces his campaign for Seattle City C...
Lying to Apes
Look to find us where there’s conspiratorial nonsense to give too much airtime! Truly, these are our Elysian fields. Jason struggles to come to terms with life after Cats, Ethan mourns the loss of fifty thousand of our brave fighting b...
Love the Concept, Hate the Execution
Today, we put the Butterball back in Christmas! By which we mean the cenobite. Jason tries to redeem Blade Runner 2049 in Ethan’s eyes, Ethan negotiates arms sales with Santa, and we bag on Anthony Fauci for being an ancient little weasel. Plus...
We Want to Believe
Aliens exist! We react to retired Israeli general Haim Eshed’s revelations about aLiEnS oN mArS. We have some ideas for a new shared universe of conspiracy theories. We’ll see. Remember, this is satire, folks. Plus: spoiler warnings for the pro...
Tales from the Restaurant Industry
This one's not as much of a bummer, we swear. Jason hints at a darker past laboring over food, Ethan rants about aircraft carriers again, and we get pretty deep into cultural criticism in the back half. Plus: our hot takes on Cyberpunk 2077! No...
Covid Versus the Individual
Today, we take an in-depth look at a home quarantine situation. A boomer’s family locks him alone in his bedroom—how will he escape? Listen to find out! Also, Ethan ponders secret societies, Jason dissects robot religion, and we discuss the bes...
The Historian's Lament
In another bleak episode, Thanksgiving is as canceled as Genghis Khan. This week, the boys remember they run a coronavirus themed podcast. Ethan fawns for Daddy Inslee, Jason despairs of humanity, and we all have a real good time. Plus: feeling...
Genghis Khan is Super Canceled
Joseph R. Biden, Jr. (do we have to call him that now?), has been elected the 46th president of the United States of Murca. The boys complain about how he isn’t a pure commie snowflake. And maybe about how the Democrats need to pull their heads...
Fire, Destruction, Growth, and Rain
The boys wonder WTF is up with Dianne Feinstein. Jason extolls the virtues of necrocracy and Ethan explains why he doesn’t care if Iran is hacking the election. Plus: war, poverty, and the politics of deindustrialization in a galaxy far, far aw...
This is a Bomb, I Promise
Jason goes on a long rant about the literal devil, Ethan talks about that one time he almost beat up a kid, and they speculate on Trump’s health. Also, Jason’s cheating on his demons. With rocks. Welcome to CrystalCast! Plus: how to kill your d...
The Importance of Wearing Masks
President Donald J. Trump has coronavirus, which is why you should wear a mask. We don’t wish him well. Ethan pines over pirates, Jason talks sea serpents and plausible deniability, and the boys sup at the well of irony till their bellies swell...