Getting R.A.W. with Denise

4 Part Series - Part 1: Can I Trust Myself? Let's Dive Into Self-Reliance With Confidence

• Denise Marsh • Season 2 • Episode 63

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In this episode, we kick off our four-part series exploring self-trust, self-respect, self-like, and self-celebration. We delve into the concept of self-trust, uncovering its importance for personal growth and well-being. Topics include understanding trust, exploring intuition, building confidence, overcoming self-doubt, and practical tools to strengthen self-trust. Tune in for insightful reflections and actionable tips to boost your confidence and trust in yourself. I will also answer a few questions live from a few of our listeners on this very topic!





Are you a woman willing to learn how to prioritize yourself, heal and grow from past issues so they no longer play a role in your present and future life, and develop a healthy self-friendship, which will have you feeling OH SO GOOOOOOOD about yourself? Let's talk about it on a complimentary Love Chat to see if I'm able to support you on this journey. Click the link below to choose a date and time.

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As always, THANK YOU for listening, sharing, and supporting! Please share a review on Apple Podcast, or you are able to email me a review at DeniseMarshRAW@gmail.com that I can share with others.

-Denise Marsh

Denise Marsh:

Well, hey, there all you beautiful people, and welcome to the most exhilarating ride of self-discovery. Be ready for a life-shifting journey as we dive deep into the topics of self-love, self-worth, some other selfies, as well as unlocking the transformative power of setting healthy boundaries so you can embrace your true potential and take charge of your life. This is not your typical self-help podcast. Oh no, we are taking it up a notch and then some. No sugarcoating, no fluff, just real talk and real results. We're diving head first into those topics that some may shy away from, but not here. Together, we'll uncover the wisdom in embracing the tough stuff. I'm bringing my high energy and no-nonsense approach to the mic and we're ready to break through those barriers holding you back. Get ready to amplify your inner power and learn simple yet super effective tools to unleash the greatness that resides within you. So buckle up, my friends. We're about to embark on an adventure of a lifetime. Embrace your uniqueness, cherish your self-worth and let's create a life that sets your soul on fire. Hit that subscribe button so you never miss an episode packed with insights, laughter and maybe even a little dancing. Together, we'll crush those self-doubts, level up our self-love game and celebrate every step of this incredible journey. Are you ready to ignite the power from within? Well then, let's do this. I'm Denise Marsh, your enthusiastic guide on this roller coaster of growth, and I cannot wait to see you thrive. Get ready for an adventure that'll leave you feeling empowered, inspired and equipped to take on the world. This is Getting Raw with Denise, where we redefine authenticity and have a blast doing it. Denise, keep in the rock, rock rock. Denise, keep in the rock, rock rock. Denise, keep in the rock, rock rock. Denise, keep in the rock, rock rock. Hello and welcome to another episode of Getting Raw with Denise. And if this is your first episode, welcome and thank you. And if this is not your first episode, welcome back.

Denise Marsh:

I am so pumped for today, and that's because we are doing a four-part series, which today is part one. So let me give you the rundown so you know what to expect over the next four weeks. Today we are getting into Do I Trust Myself. Next week, we are getting into Do I Respect Myself? Another part of this series is Do I Like Myself? And then the last part of this series will be Do I Celebrate Myself?

Denise Marsh:

And these topics came up because I've been getting quite a bit of feedback from many of my listeners who are saying this is what I'm feeling challenged with right now in my life. These are questions that I'm having right now, and so I want to be able to address that and be able to give some insight into these topics, as well as giving some effective and simple tools that you can start to implement right away today in your life to see some shifts. And today's episode with Do I Trust Myself, we're going to go over actually understanding what self-trust really means. We're getting into exploring the intuition, because we all have it. We're also going to dig into building confidence so that way we can increase our self-trust, which is going to lead into overcoming self-doubt. And then I'm going to give you some simple and effective tools that you can use to help build up that trust within yourself. And I also have some questions that I'm going to answer on this podcast from some of my listeners that's related to the topic today.

Denise Marsh:

So this is going to be a packed episode with some good juiciness, so crank up the volume, let's get this started. And also, if you find that you're driving right now or you're busy doing things around the house or just kind of doing other things while you are listening to this podcast episode. I'm going to encourage you to come back and listen to this again. The podcast episode is not going anywhere, so you can come back at any time, but I am going to encourage you to listen to this episode again and, after you listen to all four parts over the next four weeks, take some time to re-listen again to all four parts. You know how it is when you listen to something for the second, third or one-hundredth time, you pick up something that you didn't pick up before. It's just like when we watch a movie and we can actually start to quote the movie because we've seen it so many times and we start to notice other things because our attention was on one part of the movie and now, because we know those parts so well, our focus starts to shift to other parts of the scene in the movie. So same thing with the podcast episode, right? So this is for you to come back to as you need it, so let's get into it.

Denise Marsh:

So first, let's talk about understanding trust. Now, this is going to be a little bit different than how we see trusting other people, but there are similarities. If you find that you have a hard time trusting other people, you may also have a hard time trusting yourself. We are truly a mirror of how we see the world and how we see other people. It may not always look like it, but it is a true thing that the way we see ourselves is truly a reflection of how we see others. Again, it just shows up in different ways.

Denise Marsh:

So, to keep this simple with this, if you feel that you have a challenging time with trusting other people, ask yourself do I also have a challenging time trusting myself? The answer is probably yes. Now you may trust other people, or some people with certain things. Right, you may have some people in your life where you know hey, if I left my wallet next to this person, I trust that they will not steal from me. I know that if I tell this person about this one thing that I don't want other people to know, I can trust that they will keep it a secret, they will keep it safe. And then there are other people you may feel like, yeah, I don't trust them with my wallet and I don't trust them with my secrets. So, no, so there are different cases here, but in general, if you feel that you have a difficult time trusting other people, it really could be an indicator that you also have a difficult time trusting yourself, and so a way to check this is asking yourself how often do you follow through with what you truly want to do without asking other people? Right Now? Here's the deal we can ask people for their opinions, suggestions. Sure, I mean, I do it too. We all do it but when you've noticed that you're doing it a lot and for most things, and you start to second guess or doubt yourself when it comes to small and big decisions and you usually tend to ask other people for their opinions on it that could indicate that there may be a lack of trust within yourself.

Denise Marsh:

Sometimes we feel that we don't know ourselves enough to give ourselves the right direction, and that's what we want to talk about today. It is really really, really important, because it helps us to grow and feel good about ourselves the more that we do trust ourselves. So look at it like self-trust is having your own back, knowing that you can count on yourself no matter what. When we trust ourselves, we're more confident and life feels a bit easier to handle. So this is important, because we cannot depend on everyone else. We can also learn how to depend on ourselves. That's what we're talking about. That is the key right there. It is beautiful and wonderful to be able to feel we can trust other people and depend on other people, but, man, it is so much sweeter to also know we can trust ourselves and depend on ourselves, and that is where that self-trust comes in.

Denise Marsh:

So now let's get into exploring the intuition. So some of you may call it having that gut feeling or the third eye. Whatever it is, we all have it within us, where we know there's a feeling that's telling us something. So think about if you've ever had that gut feeling about something like you just knew what to do without really knowing why. And there may be times you actually follow through. You're like you know what my gut is telling me to do this, so I'm gonna do it. That's intuition. It's just like having your own inner GPS guiding you through life. Trusting your gut can be a game changer. It helps you to make decisions and solve problems in ways you never thought possible.

Denise Marsh:

But again, this is where we wanna check ourselves to ask am I trusting my intuition? When I get that gut feeling, am I trusting it or am I like I don't know what this means? What if it doesn't work out? What if I do this and I look like an idiot? What if people are upset with this decision that I'm going to make? What if, what if, what if, what if? Right, we can play the what if game all day long, but is it helping you? And ask yourself this question too why do I feel everyone else is more qualified to answer these questions about me, for me, over me? Like, why is that? Why do I feel that these other people you know the people that I love and trust, or say that I trust, but I feel that I'm depending on them more to make decisions for my own life? Think about that for a moment. You are putting your life in the hands of other people by consistently asking them what you should do. What do you want to do?

Denise Marsh:

Trusting the intuition is how we build up confidence, and there have been times I guarantee there have been times in your life where you did trust your gut. You followed through and the outcome was glorious. Think back to those moments when you start to doubt yourself. Think back to the times that you actually trusted yourself and the outcome was great, probably even better than you anticipated the outcome to be. We have proof of how amazing we are. However, sometimes we fail to really recognize that proof, and this is the reminder to start recognizing the proof of you knowing what is best for you. We don't need to know all the answers, but the more we trust ourselves to make decisions for ourselves, the better we are at navigating through life, especially when we have challenging times come up, which they will.

Denise Marsh:

One of the things that I say to myself every day, every day, every day I trust my intuition to make the right decisions. I tell myself that I say that and I mean it. I trust my intuition to make the right decisions. Take that, see how that feels. Say it right now. I trust my intuition to make the right decisions and trust in it. And again, I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with leaning on other people or asking for their advice, especially those who may know you or the situation well, sure, but again, let yourself be the first point of contact and, regardless of whatever anyone else says, still trust in you to make the final decision. So let's move into what building confidence looks like. Right, when it comes to self-trust, boosting the confidence, it is like having your own inner cheerleader, so cheering you on when things get tough. We can build it up by setting small goals or small wins. So celebrating those small wins okay, Teeny tiny wins and reminding ourselves that it's okay to stumble sometimes.

Denise Marsh:

Now, when I talk about goals, it can be goals, it can be things that you want to get done. Take it small, take it slow. Sometimes we give ourselves these really big things that we want to accomplish, which there is nothing wrong with. Okay. I love having big old things to work for and work towards and dream about. I love it. Right, I have big old, big old dreams, yeah. However, I also know how to take small steps to get there, okay. So, if there is a dream that you have, let's say you have a dream to buy a house in another country and you can see yourself living in this house and you can see yourself just embracing the culture and just oh my gosh, seeing what the inside of this home looks like and the people who live around you and the food you'll be eating and the way you'll be dressing and the way your body feels being in this new environment whenever your soul desires, because you own that house. But you can't just snap your fingers and the house appears. There are steps to get there, and so when we break it down right Even something that big, that amazing you still want to break it down into small steps.

Denise Marsh:

Now let's take another example of hmm, you know what? I just want to make it through the day without ripping someone's head off. You know, maybe you've been stressed out a bit and life seems to be in a teaching moment for you okay, let's call it a teaching moment where it seems like everything that could go wrong is going wrong, and maybe it's not really going wrong. It's just pretty challenging and you feel like you know what? I just haven't had a good day, so I just want to get through the day with a little bit more ease. And that might feel really big if you've been having some challenging days. We'll break it down into smaller steps. Okay, when I wake up, what's the first thing I can do that's going to help me with my morning? What's going to help me get through this first hour? Okay, let's not think about the whole day or lunchtime. What's going to help me get through this first hour of the day? Start there.

Denise Marsh:

This is building confidence and reminding yourself that it is okay if things don't work out the way you envision it, it's okay, as long as you continue to take these small steps. This is building up the confidence, along with that self-compassion. This is key Having compassion for yourself. So think about the compassion you have for someone you know a neighbor, a friend, a coworker, a family member and the grace that you give them. Listen up, take that grace and compassion, double it up and turn it right back around and give it to yourself. This is being kind to yourself Even when things do not go as planned.

Denise Marsh:

It's not about blaming yourself, shaming yourself, bullying yourself. It's about saying you know what. I did the best that I could in that moment and that's okay. And you know what? If you do go with your gut, trust that intuition and things don't turn out the way you expected them to, that doesn't mean you have to say, well, I tried, it didn't work, my intuition sucks, I'm never doing it again. No, no, no, no, no, no. What else came from that experience? It's never just an end, all be all with things. We don't have to make things so heavy, so negative, so bad. Sometimes things are just. This is just what it is. It's an experience, it's a moment.

Denise Marsh:

So, finding small ways to build up that confidence, and this leads into overcoming that self-doubt. We all have them. Right? Self-doubt comes up. Let's recognize where the self-doubt is coming from. They don't have to hold us back.

Denise Marsh:

All right, sometimes we may worry that we're not good enough or that we'll mess things up. But guess what? You are human. You are not going to get everything right. No one is. And so many times people are living in that self-doubt mode because they're afraid of what other people are going to think.

Denise Marsh:

Please listen to me in this moment, if you can maybe turn up the volume a few extra notches so you can really really hear me here. People are living their own lives. Okay, I know it may feel that people are solely focused on you, and they might be in some ways, but they are also focused on themselves. They have their own things, things going on. They have their own challenges, experiences, family, health, mindset, all these other things that they are focused on. Stop worrying about what other people think about you. Stop worrying about how you look to other people. How do you feel about yourself Seriously? How do you feel about yourself? These doubts that you have? They do not have to define you, but someone listening right now is allowing the self-doubt to define them.

Denise Marsh:

And I'm asking you, I'm encouraging you, to stop it right now. And you may be thinking, denise, sure thing, yeah, I'll get right on, that Sounds good, let me just go stop the self-doubt. I'm not telling you that it's going to be that easy, but it doesn't have to be that hard. We can kick the self-doubt to the curb by challenging those thoughts that don't serve you, those thoughts that you have in your head, that you're giving attention to that's making you feel bad about yourself, that's making you question yourself. You can stop those thoughts, you can pause those thoughts. You can challenge those thoughts. You can. I'm telling you, you can.

Denise Marsh:

Take it from someone who used to have tons of negative thoughts in their head. That's me, me over here. Many, many moons ago. I did not have a healthy mindset, I was not in a healthy state of mind, or even the way I was living wasn't truly healthy, and so I'm here to tell you that there is a way to break free from that. I am a living witness that you can break free from that cycle of negative self-thoughts. You can break the cycle of being hard on yourself and doubting yourself. You can live with more confidence you can live with more self-awareness. It is possible, it is real, and this is not just from my own experience. I know many people I truly surround myself with people who also own that. They own the fact that they are able to live in a way where their thoughts are pleasing and serving them well.

Denise Marsh:

So many of my clients have made those shifts from transforming their thoughts, from not healthy thoughts to super healthy thoughts, which has in turn helped their lives become healthier. Their relationships with their partners are stronger. The relationships they have with themselves are intensely stronger. The clients that I have that are single. They are single with confidence. My clients who have wanted to start a new venture they've done that with confidence. They've been able to kick self-doubt to the curb, those thoughts that told them they could not do something. They were able to transform those thoughts to I will do something. So it is possible. Apps of freaking, it is Be gentle with yourself. Be gentle. That's where that self-compassion comes back into play.

Denise Marsh:

Now I want to give you some reflection exercises that can be very helpful as you are trying to work through this way of the self-trust, building up that self-trust, taking those small steps, kicking self-doubt to the curb, starting that process of kicking self-doubt to the curb, and there's going to be stumbles and bumbles along the way, okay, and that's all right. That is all right, grace, my friend Grace. So let's get reflective. You can think of it like taking a little journey into yourself. All right, you are here for the long haul with yourself, right? I mean, you and yourself are pretty connected, so you can do this. You can take your time doing this. This does not need to be a rush job. Now I'm going to give you a few different ways to really reflect on these exercises or work through these exercises, because this is not a one-size-fits-all all right. So I'm going to give you a few different ones and then you can see which ones feel right for you.

Denise Marsh:

The first one I want to talk about journaling. So we can journal about times when we trusted ourselves and times we did not. Now this is what I like to call building up that evidence list. If I have any clients of mine or past clients of mine listening to this episode, they know what I'm talking about. The evidence list, this is the list that you build for yourself to remind yourself of what it is you are choosing to believe. And so the example here if you are saying you know, I want to build an evidence list that I actually can trust myself, now you may have been saying that you don't trust other people and you don't trust yourself and you don't know how to start to trust yourself or other people. That's where this evidence list comes from. Or you can call it a journaling exercise, and you're writing down all of the ways, all of the proof that you have that you do know how to trust yourself.

Denise Marsh:

And so take some time and think back. Okay, when was the time that I made a decision for myself? I trusted myself to make that decision and it worked out pretty darn good. Okay, and write it down. And it does not have to be something big. It doesn't have to be this huge, ginormous, life altering decision. It can be the small things, and actually the small things really are helpful, because the small action steps lead to the bigger things. So start really thinking about the times that you trusted yourself. All right, think about it. Hmm, you know what?

Denise Marsh:

When I decided to not go to that event because I just wasn't feeling it. I don't know why, I couldn't put my finger on it, but something told me to not go to that event, and I knew that there may be a few people disappointed. But you know what? I trusted myself and I didn't go. And then, guess what? The next day found out that there was a huge, huge, huge accident on the highway at the same time. I would have been driving to that event. So, hmm, one, I probably saved myself from not being part of that accident, but the highway was backed up for two hours, so I would have missed the event anyway. So, thank goodness, I trusted myself to not attend that event. All right, good job, you see.

Denise Marsh:

So like thinking back to those moments, thinking back to the moments and it can even be something as tiny as you were at the grocery store and at first you decided to buy feta cheese I'm going to get some feta cheese. And then you decided, you know what, instead I want to get some cheddar. That's what I need to get. Boom, boom, bam, because I'm cooking dinner for my friend and this dish that I'm making it causes for cheese. I didn't even ask her what type of cheese she likes, but I love feta. But I mean, I think everyone loves cheddar, so I'll get the cheddar. And guess what? You make the dinner, and over dinner, you're talking to your friend about how you were going to use feta instead of cheddar and she said, oh my God, so glad you used cheddar, because I can't stand feta cheese. Do you see what I'm like? Do you see here and I know these are small examples, but that's what this evidence list is about Taking those small things, reminding yourself that you know how to trust yourself, and this will help build up that confidence for you to make these bigger decisions for yourself.

Denise Marsh:

Now, if you're thinking, denise, not really into the journaling, don't want to write anything, no problem. Instead of writing, you can have mindful moments. Now, this is where you would take a few moments to pause, breathe deeply. Intentional breaths, okay. And when I say intentional breathing, we're all just breathing, without even like doing anything. We're just breathing. But intentional breathing is when you are noticing your breath, going in and releasing it, taking those moments to pause, breathe deeply and tune into your thoughts, your feelings and your sensations in your body, without judgment. When you do this, those mindful moments, take those moments to think back of the times that you trusted yourself. Pause of self-trust and doubt. The time that you're starting to doubt yourself. Do the same thing pause, breathe deeply, tune into your thoughts, your feelings and the sensations within your body without judgment, and then just do this as you go about your daily activities and also noticing what triggers those feelings and how you respond. So this is the mindful moment exercise.

Denise Marsh:

And the third way I want to give you voice recording. Now some people may say you know what I actually would love to journal, and actually I actually do have a client who tells me quite often that you know what. There's so many times I want to journal I just don't feel like writing anything. So this was something she would tell me a lot in the past, and so what we decided to do or suggestion was hey, what about a voice recorder? So that's what she uses now is a voice recorder, and so when she has something she wants to quote, unquote, journal, she uses her voice recorder and she just records her thoughts. Now, a lot of people may find that easier to express themselves verbally rather than in writing, so everyone is different. So you can use actual voice recorders. You can get them on Amazon for about $25. There are also ways you can just record it on your phone. I mean, our phones are smart for a reason, but this is a way that you can speak freely about your thoughts, your feelings and insights, capturing those reflections in real time. All right, so if you are going to get a voice recorder, make sure it's one that's small enough to take with you wherever you are throughout the day, so that way, when you have these moments of self reflection, you can record them right then and there, so you don't forget. So those are the three reflective exercises that can really help with building up that self trust, and I hope those were helpful. You know what I'm going to trust that they are helpful to those who are listening right now.

Denise Marsh:

Okay, so now I want to get into some questions. Now, I have a few questions in today and I'm going to answer them, okay, alright, so let's get into the questions. So I have a question here. Actually, I have a few questions, okay. So the first question here is from Marquita, and this question is something that I'm really excited to answer. Alright, so here it is.

Denise Marsh:

Why is it that when we're confident about something that's good for us, we ask and trust the opinion of someone else whose view is what's good for them, or their view of what's good for us? Why can't we just trust ourselves. Does that come from our need to fully forgive ourselves? Does it come from low self-confidence? This is a powerful question and here's what it is okay and here's a way to look at this question. If you feel that, okay, I'm pretty confident. However, I still feel that I trust the opinion of someone else over my own when it has to do with my life. Why is that? Well, I know some people may have guessed and some people are curious as to what I'm going to say. You believe it's all the way back from childhood and there are so many opinions on this.

Denise Marsh:

Some people feel that everything that's going wrong in our life or that's a challenge in our life does not have to be about our childhood. That is true. Not everything is stemmed from our childhood. However, some things are, and this could be one of those times. So, if you think about it, as children we always had to ask permission. Well, let me speak for some people. We had to ask for permission for things, right? If we wanted to do something, we had to first ask is this okay? Do we have permission to go here? Do I have permission to color? Do I have permission to leave the table after dinner, like if you just have to ask permission for certain things.

Denise Marsh:

And then there will be times when you're a child and you do something without asking. You just do it because it feels good, and either you are praised for it or you may be punished for it, or, you know, maybe no response at all. But if you think about an instance in your childhood when you were playing, you know, in your room singing out loud, twirling around, dancing, and then one of your parents came into the room and said you're singing too loud, stop all that noise, there's too loud. And so here you are, thinking I was just feeling good, I'm just dancing around my room. Why are they getting mad at me for doing something that feels good? And then let's say you're in school and the teacher tells everyone to do some finger painting. Yay, this is great. You get the paint, you get the paper and you're just doing all kind of fun things and it feels good to get your hands in that paint and just make all kind of designs with your fingers and your palms. And you're looking at this piece of work with pride and the teacher is going around looking at everyone's work and like, oh my god, this is great, this looks so good. Oh my gosh, everyone did such a great job. And then you take that painting home and you're looking at it and you're like this looks so great. And then your older sibling is looking at it like what is that? That looks horrible. I saw the other kids and theirs look way better than yours and that may cause you to shrink and thank gosh, I thought I did a good job. I thought this was actually pretty good, but I guess it wasn't better than Joe's or Sarah's in my class.

Denise Marsh:

Now again, it doesn't always have to be a negative thing, but sometimes we take these moments and they really do shape the way we view ourselves and how we view the world and how we view interacting with other people. Right, think about when you are maybe going to a school dance or you're going out with a group of friends and maybe you're going to the mall to buy yourself a new outfit. I mean, I know that's how we used to do it. We would go to the mall. I mean, do people still go to the mall?

Denise Marsh:

But anyway, you may go to the mall and you're trying on some tops or dress or some pants, and then you come out of the dressing room and you're thinking you look great. And you're looking in the mirror and your friend looks and say, oh, that top doesn't look great with those bottoms. They're like, oh, okay, I thought it looked good. No, you know what, you should try the yellow top instead. Okay, now you go back in the dressing room, try on the yellow top, come back out. So now, mary, what do you think? Oh, that looks much better. Okay, in your head in that moment my friend maybe knows better what it looks good for me and think about how, right now, if that was an instant in your past, how often does that show up now in your life? You buy something from the mall or online or wherever you buy it from, and you feel like you look great in it. But you may take a picture and send it to your friend and say, hey, how does this look on me? Now?

Denise Marsh:

Again, there's nothing wrong with getting opinion, suggestions from other people that we trust. However, if it feels good for you and it's something you really want to do, why can't that be enough? Why can't that be enough? So, to answer this question sometimes we may feel confident within ourselves about certain things, but lack confidence in other areas of our lives, and when that happens, that's when we need to really take some time to reflect and ask why am I not feeling confident when it comes to certain parts of my life? Why am I feeling that I'm not good enough or wise enough to make the best decision for myself? But this other person is Reflect on that and we can come up with the answers to why. Even if it seems like that can't be it, it probably is so when we look at that question in another way too. When it comes to the you know, why can't we just trust ourselves?

Denise Marsh:

Going back to that evidence list that I was talking about, you know, many people have built up an evidence list of as to why they cannot trust themselves, as to why they are not reliable, as to why they should, could would seek everyone else's opinions over their own. So this comes from so many experiences that we've had throughout our lives that have told us a variation of a story, and so that is why, really taking ownership and saying you know what? I don't want to believe that about myself anymore. I want to believe that I am confident enough to make my own decisions. So what do I need to believe about myself? It's time to just shift the way we see ourselves, and we can start with small steps, creating that evidence list, reminding yourself that you do know how to trust yourself, even at times when you feel other people may know better. Okay, great, but what do you know to be true? You know? So, really, taking that confident part of you and pulling it over to the sides of you that are not feeling as confident. So, again, even if you feel you know what, I'm really confident when it comes to my business or my job, but I'm not feeling that confident when it comes to relationships or my health Okay, well, what makes you so confident in your career? And how can you pull that over into the other parts of you where you don't feel as confident? That's evidence that you are a confident person. So, again, reminding yourself.

Denise Marsh:

So many times we're reminding ourselves of the things that we are lacking, and this is where we can shift it and say, okay, well, what am I choosing to have more of in my life? Confidence, heck, yeah, okay. How do I do that? I start small. I start by reminding myself that I am confident, even if it's only feeling like 5% confident, that's okay. What do I need to do to get to 6%. Let me start with a small step, a small decision I can make for myself, and go from there and guess what? Next week I can work up to 7%. You don't need to rush from 5% to 50%, let's take it slow. That 1% increase is a big deal, so giving yourself the grace to remind yourself about that. So thank you so much for that question.

Denise Marsh:

And now the next question I have is from Anna. Anna, thank you for this question that I'm going to bring up right now. So the question is what is the first thing to do to start trusting your own instincts when you've had years of mental and emotional trauma that's caused you to always second guess yourself? So she's asking anything to help to start the journey of trusting your own instincts when you've had years of mental and emotional trauma that's caused you to always second guess yourself. Okay, many people, including myself, have had years of mental and emotional trauma, and what happens is that when people experience trauma, it really does make a shift in our brain and in our bodies and our spirits, and so doing what we can to heal that is a work in progress, and so first I want to remind you, to give yourself grace, so, during that journey, you know when you're thinking, well, what's the first thing? What's the first thing I can do?

Denise Marsh:

One of the first things you can do is just reminding yourself that you are not your trauma. You are not your trauma. Your trauma does not define you. The trauma that you've experienced were part of your life experience, but they are not you. So first is just truly separating yourself from the trauma. Okay, so again, sometimes, when we have these really big events happen to us, we can sometimes latch on to them where they are now part of who we are. And I'm going to ask you to just look at it in a different way and say you know what? The trauma isn't who I am, it's just something I experienced. And when we can make that separation, we're able to see it from a different angle and then we're able to actually take steps to heal ourselves through that.

Denise Marsh:

Now, we'll say, with healing ourselves through that mental, emotional or any type of trauma. We, you know support is a really good thing to have as well, whether that is a trusted source of a therapist, a coach, a mentor, a support group, a trusted family, your friend. Having support definitely is a good step too. However, we're talking about how can we do these things for ourselves, and so I'm going to ask you to first recognize that you are not your trauma. It is not something that has to define you, but for so many people, they have made it a part of their definition. You know, and I get it, I do get it.

Denise Marsh:

You know I've talked and shared about the story of me experiencing different types of emotional trauma, different types of abuse and really making it a huge part of my life and how I saw the world and saw people, and you know I can't trust people. I can't trust the things will work out. I can't trust this. I can't trust me. I make bad decisions and you know replaying that over and over and over in my head and once I recognize that no, no, no, no, no, no just because that happened, that doesn't mean I have to own that as part of me. I can just look at it as something that happened in my life.

Denise Marsh:

Again, it's how we see things. The way we see things is how we choose to believe them. So shifting the way and asking what do I want to believe about this? What do I want to feel when it comes to that experience or those experiences that I've had, even if they've been years and years and years of them, that doesn't mean that those years have to continue on being filled with the trauma Again. So many times we feel that because something has been a certain way for so long that it has to continue to be that way. And I'm here to tell you that does not have to be your truth. You don't have to continue to say that I'm experiencing trauma for the rest of my life just because you've experienced it for a good chunk of your life.

Denise Marsh:

So that recognition is one of the best ways to first take the step on that journey and truly asking yourself what do I want from this? Do I want to feel peace from those experiences? Do I want to feel freedom from those experiences? Do I want to feel gratitude from those experiences? Do I want to say these experiences brought me strength in some way, or a new found self-awareness? What do I want to take from those experiences? And then that's going to help you to how you want to navigate this journey that you're on. So I hope that was helpful. Thank you so much, anna, for that question, and now I have one more question, and this is from Kimberly. Now the question from Kimberly says what would be the first step to overcome having trust issues and how can I practice self-trust. This is a great question and, first of all, all three of these questions were spot on and I know for a fact that these questions are questions that other people want to know. So thank you each of you for these questions.

Denise Marsh:

Now, with Kimberly's question how can I practice self-trust? What would be the first step to overcome my trust issues? This goes back to that evidence list and I know it may sound so simple or it may sound really challenging, but either way, it is a really good step to first reminding yourself that you do know how to trust yourself. Sometimes you may just get out of practice with believing certain things about yourself because you've been believing a different thing for so long, but guess what? You do know how to trust yourself.

Denise Marsh:

Reminding yourself, I do know how to trust myself. You know what. I've made the decision to move to this new place. I've made the decision to start that new career. I've made the decision to end that relationship. I've made the decision to call that person when I thought about them and I'm so glad I did. I've made the decision to eat that one thing and not the other, and I'm glad I did, because the other thing would have made me sick. I made these decisions and I know how to make decisions for myself, and sometimes we feel that we can't trust ourselves because some of the decisions that we've made in the past didn't turn out so well. Well, here's a reminder to you all we are human, which means we are not perfect. We are going to make mistakes, we are going to do things that don't always turn out well. That is okay. That is okay Because the more that you start to trust yourself, give yourself grace and compassion, the more you build up that confidence and the more you're able to trust yourself. The more we do things, the more we receive things, and that works on all sides. So the more that you doubt yourself, the more doubt you're going to have. The more that you start to trust yourself, the more trust you're going to have. So you start with reminding yourself that you do know how to trust yourself, creating that evidence list of the times that you have made decisions that worked out well for you. Thank you, kimberly, for that question and, on that note, I want to wrap this all up into a nice messy bow and just remind each and every one of you that self-trust is a beautiful gift to give to yourself.

Denise Marsh:

We can say that we trust others all day, or you may say I don't trust anyone because I've been hurt so many times in the past. I've been disappointed by so many people, so it's really hard for me to trust other people. What if you take those same situations and say you know what? Because I've experienced disappointment in the past and because I've been hurt so many times, I now know how to guard and keep myself safe. I now know how to be on the lookout for certain things without always being on alert. I now know that my gut will tell me that, hey, guess what? That doesn't feel right, move on. So guess what?

Denise Marsh:

Sometimes, when we go through those experiences, it's to help equip us. It's to help us grow and to build up that resilience. It doesn't mean like, oh gosh, yep, every relationship I've had has failed, so I just need to be single forever or it's just never going to work out for me. That is not what that means. You've gained something.

Denise Marsh:

Even though you may feel you've lost something every time, you've also gained something every time. It's how you look at it. Choose to look at it in a way that is serving you. That is not about putting a weird positive spin on it. It's about reality and your perspective on things and what you're choosing to see. You don't have to play this role of life's just unfair. You can play the role of life as an experience and I'm experiencing all of it and, from each thing I experience, it's building me up to the next step, to the next level. For me to experience each moment in a way that feels right and when those challenges do arise, I trust myself enough to know what move to make. I'm cheering for you. Take those moments, own those moments, redefine the moments that build up your confidence, because self-trust is how we get to the road of a confident self.

Denise Marsh:

Until next week, everyone, thank you, oh thank you for being part of this exhilarating journey through getting raw with Denise. Your commitment to self-discovery and growth is truly inspiring. If you have found value in this discussion, I would be so incredibly grateful if you could take a moment to share this podcast, or you could even leave a review on Google or Apple Podcast. Your feedback helps others on a similar journey discover this complementary resource and embark on their own transformative path. For more resources and support, please visit DeniseMarshnet. Let's stay connected and continue uplifting one another. Remember you hold the power to redesign and align your life from within. Embrace your uniqueness, cherish your self-worth and set those healthy boundaries with confidence. Keep diving deep into your true self, unleashing the potential that resides within you. Are capable of greatness, and the world needs your authentic brilliance. Thank you once again for being a part of this incredible community. Until next time, stay true to yourself, keep shining and let's keep getting raw together.