Getting R.A.W. with Denise

4 Part Series - Part 2: Do I Have Respect for Myself? Setting Boundaries and Owning My Worth!

• Denise Marsh • Season 2 • Episode 64

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Have you ever wondered why self-respect seems like a treasure tucked away in a chest you can't seem to open? Journey with me, Denise Marsh, into the heart of self-respect, where we unveil the significance of valuing ourselves and the critical art of boundary-setting. As I share an example of my own past struggles and triumphs with self-worth, you'll discover the transformative effect of establishing limits in your life and how doing so can serve as the cornerstone for personal empowerment.

Listening to this episode is like taking a masterclass in owning your self-worth. We dissect the intricacies of self-respect, from its definition to its daily applications, and how it intertwines with our sense of empowerment. Reflecting on a client's story, I demonstrate how childhood experiences can seep into our adult lives, affecting our ability to assert ourselves and the quality of our relationships. It's a conversation about growth, healing, and learning to not just live but thrive by respecting who we are.

We wrap up with a toolkit designed for building a fortress of self-worth. I walk you through practices like self-compassion and gratitude, which can shield you against the storms of self-doubt. I also offer a practical plan to enhance your self-esteem, encouraging you to indulge in joyous activities that resonate with your values. Remember, valuing yourself and setting boundaries isn't just about saying "no" to others; it's about saying a resounding "yes" to your own well-being and happiness.





Are you a woman willing to learn how to prioritize yourself, heal and grow from past issues so they no longer play a role in your present and future life, and develop a healthy self-friendship, which will have you feeling OH SO GOOOOOOOD about yourself? Let's talk about it on a complimentary Love Chat to see if I'm able to support you on this journey. Click the link below to choose a date and time.

https://calendly.com/denisemarshraw/let-s-connect

Want to stay connected with me? Check below for ways to get in touch!

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As always, THANK YOU for listening, sharing, and supporting! Please share a review on Apple Podcast, or you are able to email me a review at DeniseMarshRAW@gmail.com that I can share with others.

-Denise Marsh

Denise Marsh:

Well, hey, there all you beautiful people, and welcome to the most exhilarating ride of self-discovery. Be ready for a life-shifting journey as we dive deep into the topics of self-love, self-worth, some other selfies, as well as unlocking the transformative power of setting healthy boundaries so you can embrace your true potential and take charge of your life. This is not your typical self-help podcast. Oh no, we are taking it up a notch and then some. No sugarcoating, no fluff, just real talk and real results. We're diving head first into those topics that some may shy away from, but not here. Together, we'll uncover the wisdom in embracing the tough stuff. I'm bringing my high energy and no-nonsense approach to the mic and we're ready to break through those barriers holding you back. Get ready to amplify your inner power and learn simple yet super effective tools to unleash the greatness that resides within you. So buckle up, my friends. We're about to embark on an adventure of a lifetime. Embrace your uniqueness, cherish your self-worth and let's create a life that sets your soul on fire. Hit that subscribe button so you never miss an episode packed with insights, laughter and maybe even a little dancing. Together, we'll crush those self-doubts, level up our self-love game and celebrate every step of this incredible journey. Are you ready to ignite the power from within? Well then, let's do this. I'm Denise Marsh, your enthusiastic guide on this roller coaster of growth, and I cannot wait to see you thrive. Get ready for an adventure that'll leave you feeling empowered, inspired and equipped to take on the world. This is Getting Raw with Denise, where we redefine authenticity and have a blast doing it. Denise, keep in the rock rock rock. Denise. Keep in the rock rock rock. Denise, keep in the rock rock rock. Denise, keep in the rock rock rock, denise Marsh. Hello and welcome to another episode of Getting Raw with Denise, and I am ready for this second part of our four-part series.

Denise Marsh:

So last week, we talked about Do I Trust Myself. Today, we are getting into the topic of Do I Respect Myself? Now I know some of you all know the song from Aretha R-E-S-B-C-T. Find out what it means to me. So let's find out what self-respect means. Okay, I mean, how many times have you wanted someone to respect you? You are wanting someone to respect you in your intimate relationships, the relationships with your children, with family members, friends, coworkers, authority figures, all the things right and we've been taught since childhood to respect other people as well. We were really taught to respect your elders, people who are older than you, but respect is across the board for everyone, and so this topic is very important, because we talk about respecting others a lot, but what about respecting ourselves?

Denise Marsh:

And I know that you all can attest that there are many, many, many people out there who are showing up as the pure definition of self-respect, like they are saying, yep, I respect myself and my actions are reflecting that. And then there are some people who state that they respect themselves. However, their actions are not matching up. And then there are people who just don't respect themselves, and they know it and they don't know what to do about it, or they're not quite sure which direction to go in to start respecting themselves, because they haven't forgiven themselves for certain things. And so there is so much we can talk about with this, and this is a pretty loaded topic, so I am going to do my best, give you my best and reign it in so I don't talk for hours on end about this, because I can, because going into respect also is very, very close to one of my favorite topics, which is boundaries.

Denise Marsh:

You all know I love talking about boundaries. I call myself the boundary setting queen and the manifesting queen, but we're talking about boundaries today. And, man, I own that title of being a boundary setting queen and I'm proud of that title because for so long I did not have boundaries, I did not instill boundaries, I did not really create healthy boundaries or I did not stick to them. And you know what, when I look back during that time where I did not have healthy boundaries, I also was not fully respecting myself. So they go hand in hand. So let's get into it all, right?

Denise Marsh:

Okay, giving you the breakdown for today we are talking about first, what does self-respect really mean, the importance of self-respect. We're going to get into building self-respect and the role of boundaries when it comes to self-respect and with the boundaries, we're talking about what that really means the importance of boundaries, setting boundaries, and then we're going to lead all of that into owning your worth. So, understanding self-worth, the barriers to self-worth, cultivating self-worth, and then, towards the end of this, I will give you some practical tools and strategies that you can start to use right away to work on that self-respect. And then I'm going to answer some questions from some of our listeners who have submitted questions to me on this very topic. So let's get into it, because there's a whole lot to cover today.

Denise Marsh:

So first, getting into the definition of self-respect. What does that really mean? And self-respect refers to valuing and honoring yourself, recognizing your own worth and treating yourself with kindness and dignity. Self-respect also involves acknowledging and accepting both strengths and weaknesses, and striving to live in alignment with your own values and principles. So that is a definition of self-respect.

Denise Marsh:

And now, when we think about why is this important? Well, for one thing or a few things, self-respect is truly important for our mental, emotional and relational well-being. Now, when you think about that, our mental well-being, our emotional well-being, our relational well-being these are parts of us that we access every single day. Every single day, all of the time, all of it, and so having a great connection with self-respect really does play a big role in the health of our mindset and our emotions and the relationships that we have with ourselves and with others. So you already know how important this is, but I really want to stress that having respect for yourself is so important to how you see yourself.

Denise Marsh:

ht, I can say that now back in the day when I was young I'm not a candidate more alright, back in the day, there were times when I was not being so good with myself and that came from a lot of hurt, pain, trap, trauma, all the things that I did not work through or get support with, and it was just sitting inside of me creating this unhealed version of myself. And when I think back to some of the things that I allowed to happen to me or around me, yeah, there are so many times that I think back to those times and just want to go back and hug Denise back then. And you know, I have come to peace with a lot of those things and really forgiven myself for so many parts of my past. And that's all.

Denise Marsh:

Part of the healing journey is learning how to forgive ourselves and acknowledge the parts of us that we didn't really care for, you know, and understanding why and I bring this up, because it's not like you just woke up one day and said I'm not gonna respect myself any longer. Something had to happen, or a series of some things had to happen, where you are not respecting yourself at the level that you would like to respect yourself, or at least the level you deserve to respect yourself. And we all are deserving of respect from our own gosh darn selves. We cannot ask anyone else to respect us if we don't know how to respect ourselves, and the truth is, we cannot ask it's not fair to ask anyone else to do things for us that we are not willing to do for ourselves. That goes for loving ourselves, respecting ourselves, having boundaries, all the things you can't say, hey, love me, respect me, but I'm not gonna do that myself. It doesn't work that way, but so many people live that way. So let's see how we can break free from that. All right.

Denise Marsh:

Also, understanding that cultivating self-respect lays the foundation for a healthy self-esteem and it creates that sense of true empowerment and I know we hear that word empowerment a lot, but, man, when we can empower ourselves, we are so much better at empowering other people too, and so when we think about what it means to build up self-respect. That's where we get into boundaries boundaries and you know, when I am working with a new client, they all have something different that they are coming to me with the challenges that they are wanting to work through and things that they are wanting to overcome and heal from, and it all always goes back to boundaries. You know, that plays a role in a lot of the things that we want to heal from the challenges that we are experiencing. Somewhere in there there's a boundary challenge as well, and so really understanding the role of boundaries will help us to see how this relates to self-respect. Now I will tell you one of my clients.

Denise Marsh:

When she first came to me, she was having some real, real challenges in setting boundaries with her partner and at the time she was married to someone and it was getting close to the end of the relationship. However, she did not want to recognize that or acknowledge it, and he was also refusing to acknowledge that the marriage was ending. But she had such low self-esteem and it was from years of being in relationships that she was not treated very well, and it also went back to the way that she was treated by her mother, and a lot of the times we forget that or not all of us but some people do forget that not everyone has a healthy childhood with parents who really treat them with love, respect and honor. Some people are in households that are not filled with love, that are not filled with healthy family conversations and beautiful dynamics between each other and seeing healthy display displays of respect and love and celebration. That's not everyone's story. And guess what? There are also people who did grow up in those loving and healthy homes who are still battling with low self-esteem and a lack of self-respect. So I don't want to put the emphasis on the fact that people who grow up in households that are not healthy are the only ones with challenges, because that's not true.

Denise Marsh:

Anyone is susceptible to having low self-esteem and that can come from so many different ways. And so, going back to my client, she was really struggling with her self-esteem and setting boundaries and she really thought that it was really about her marriage and from the relationship before her husband. But when we really got down to it, it really went all the way back to her mother and we worked through a lot of those issues and she was able to really build up herself, her self-esteem, her self-worth and really see herself in a different way. And through all of the work that she did because let's not get it twisted even though I am working with my clients, I am guiding them, I am with them every step of the way they still have to do the work, so I don't take credit for that. They get the credit because they put the work in and she put the work in so much so that she gained the confidence to leave that toxic marriage and she went on to do beautiful things in the world with herself and with her children, and she is now in a new loving relationship. But she gave herself much time before she went into a different relationship. She gave herself the time to work on her, continue working on herself, building up that self-like love and self-friendship and really gaining a new sense of self-respect for herself. Was it easy? Heck? No, was it worth it? Absolutely it was, and I bring that up because I know that there is someone listening to this right now who really, really, really wants to know the key to gaining self-respect, increasing their self-worth and really becoming a boundary-setting human being. It takes steps, it takes patience and it takes you believing that you can be the things that you want to be. So let's get into the boundary part of this now.

Denise Marsh:

Boundaries these are the personal limits or guidelines that you define as acceptable behavior, acceptable interactions and expectations in relationships, and this relates to relationships with yourself and with other people also. Boundaries are super duper essential for maintaining healthy relationships and also for preserving self-respect, not to mention protecting your physical, emotional, mental, spiritual and financial well-being. Boundaries are a non-negotiable when it comes to having a healthy, healthy lifestyle. Okay now I know, because I've heard it many, many times before, that people really struggle with setting boundaries because they feel that people will be upset with them, people won't respect them, people will fight them on it. You know, they think that setting boundaries is this really horrible, scary thing, and if it's not something you're used to doing, sure, it is going to be a bit hairy at first, and that's okay, it's worth it, because what happens is, when you don't have those boundaries, it is affecting you in unhealthy ways. It can build up resentment, it can really build up some major disappointment and it creates a real barrier between what you want in your life and what you actually will receive in your life. So boundaries seriously let me repeat myself they are non-negotiable.

Denise Marsh:

Become comfortable with setting boundaries. That's the only way you're going to do it. If you continue to allow fear to step in and tell you no, boundaries are bad, boundaries are scary, boundaries are hard, no one's gonna like you. Everyone's gonna fight you on it. If you let that play in your head, yeah, it might keep you from setting the boundaries, but guess what? It's not going to kill anyone with you setting boundaries. It is going to heal someone, namely you and maybe the other person that's involved in that boundary setting relationship.

Denise Marsh:

So, setting boundaries? Let me give you some simple ways to do this. All right, and I want to give you some practical tips for first, knowing how to identify and set boundaries in different situations, whether that's life, your you know personal life, work, your friendships, romantic relationships. The first thing is really being clear, super clear, on your values. What do you value most in your life? What are the things that you feel you prioritize, what matters most? That's how you can really think about this. What matters most to you and I'm not talking about you know how much money you have in the bank and the title of your job. I'm talking about that inner, inner self. What matters most? Is it your peace of mind? Is it having more joy? Is it the feeling of being free? What matters most to you? Is it having more fun? What is it? Get clear on that first, and then figure out which relationships need to have some boundaries in place.

Denise Marsh:

I am going to encourage you to start with yourself. Okay, that's how you really really get this done. Start with yourself. I know you can probably name a whole list of people you would like to set some boundaries with. Well, let's start with ourselves here. What boundaries do you need? To start with yourself? If you're saying you know what I really want more peace of mind. And every time I am home and getting ready for bed, my phone rings and it disturbs me, it disrupts me, but I answer it anyway. Okay, listen to me, please listen to me.

Denise Marsh:

If you're saying you want more peace of mind and part of that is being able to unwind and have a nice bedtime ritual, which means not talking to people or answering the phone, then setting the boundary with yourself is cut your ringer off. It can be that simple, and I know someone is listening right now and saying Denise, that's not simple. I'm used to having my ringer on all the time. What if someone needs me. Oh, listen, listen. This is where setting the boundary comes in place and you can have certain things to help you with this.

Denise Marsh:

To ease into this If you know that there isn't anyone who will need you in the middle of the night, there's nothing you can do in the middle of the night. If someone calls you, just cut the ringer off. If you're an on-call doctor, that's different. Okay, you got a different phone for that. But I'm talking about, if you know you need your rest, get your rest, turn the ringer off. If there are people who typically call you late at night, let them know. Say hey, you know what. I really need to get some sleep and I've decided I want to start going to bed or getting ready for bed around 9 pm. So just giving you a heads up Starting today, I won't be answering the phone after 9 o'clock. All right, if there's a true emergency, you know. Here's option B. Now also, I don't know what type of phone you all have, but I do believe that with your phone, if you have them set under favorites or something like that, you can have it where, when the ringer's off, only certain calls can come through. Sure, that can work for you.

Denise Marsh:

Whatever it is, don't make this harder than it needs to be All right, and it doesn't need to be hard, but start with setting the boundary with yourself. So, with that example, if peace of mind and rest that's what you need, then you have to set the tone for that. You have to tell the people hey, after this time period I'm not taking phone calls, so from 9 pm to 9 am my ringer will be off, because I have to value my sleep and my rest and my mental health. So I thank you so much for respecting that. And if they fight you on it, you know what? Listen, I know you love and care for me, so I know that this is something that you're going to respect and this is something that I have to do for me. Okay, otherwise I'm going to lose my mind because I need my sleep. You have to set those boundaries and you can do them with ease and grace. It doesn't have to be something that you're screaming at them, you're wagging your finger in their face. No, not at all, and I get it.

Denise Marsh:

Listen, I was not always a self-proclaimed boundary-setting queen. There have been times when I've set boundaries and they did not go over so well. Okay, there were times when you know people that I thought would really appreciate or respect. Well, let me back up. There were times when I set boundaries with people and I knew it would be a bit of a challenge on their end, but I knew those boundaries were non-negotiables for me, so I had to just accept whatever came with that. Did I survive? Yep, I'm still here. I am still here, and those boundaries saved my mental health. They saved my emotional well-being.

Denise Marsh:

So you have to think what matters most to me and start with you. Start setting those boundaries with yourself first, and just know that the first time you set them with yourself and with someone else, it might be a little challenging. Expect that, but know that the outcome is worth it all. Right, this is how you add that self-respect. You're saying I respect myself enough to set this boundary. I respect myself enough to give me what I need most, what I'm asking for Now. This, my friend, leads into owning our own worth. Oh yeah, owning our self-worth Now.

Denise Marsh:

Self-worth, this is knowing the value of yourself. This is having dignity. Right? This is the dignity that each person has, regardless of any external achievements or validation from other people. That is not what this is about? Please hear me on that. Your self-worth is not determined by outside of yourself. It's not determined by how other people see you. It's how you see yourself. Did you hear me? Self-worth is not determined by what other people think of you. It is what you think of yourself. It is how you view yourself.

Denise Marsh:

Too many, too many people are putting so much stock into what everyone else thinks about them and this is creating so much doubt within other people. This is creating that imposter syndrome. This is creating fear to do anything. That is exciting because you're so worried about what other people think. Stop that right now. I actually just banged my fist on the desk. I don't even know if you heard that, but I did because I'm serious about this. Stop that right now, please, please. This is your life. This is your life. You're not getting a do over here.

Denise Marsh:

Make the most of your life, and that means doing what feels good for you, and stop putting so much focus on what other people are saying about you or thinking about you. What do you think about you? What do you think about yourself? That's what matters. Put the focus there. I'm telling you, if you do so, many things will shift for you. Your life will open up in beautiful and abundant ways because you are focused on what matters most, and that is not everyone else's opinions or thoughts. It's about what you think, what you feel about you. How loving is that to say I care about my needs, my desires, so much that that's what I'm going to focus on, and because of that, I am such a joy to be around. Because of that, my family. They are healthier. Because I'm healthier, my career goals are on track. Because I'm focused on the right things, I wake up feeling alive, not plagued with worry and doubt and fears. I know that life is going to have challenges and I am equipped to handle those challenges because I know myself so much. These are the thoughts to have, these are the thoughts to own.

Denise Marsh:

Self-worth is not about what you look like, it is not about the level of success you have and it is not about the approval from others. Now, some ways that could be hindering you from truly owning your self-worth could be negative self-talk, feeling like you have to be a perfectionist, comparing yourself to other people and past traumas. All of those parts, even just one of those parts, can have a big barrier in your self-worth. So let's talk about how the impact of the messages from society, those quote-unquote cultural norms on self-worth, are really making an impact on you, and maybe not in the best way. I know that there are some people out there who are like you know what, denise? I am on the road to self-love and I am not putting all of this time, energy and focus into what everyone else is thinking. I'm focused on me Beautiful, wonderful. I love that you feel that way. Are your actions matching up? Are you saying the things? But you still feel like you need everyone else's validation. You still feel that you have to follow what society says. You have to follow and I'm not talking about having manners and being a good human being. I'm talking about living life in a way that feels good for you, that looks amazing in your own eyes, even if other people don't understand it. You don't have to prove yourself to anyone else. You just have to show up for you.

Denise Marsh:

That negative self-talk when did that come from? Really? Where did it come from? I'm going to encourage you to challenge those negative self-talks, those negative thoughts. Challenge them. Ask yourself what is true about this. When you have a thought that comes up and it doesn't feel good, ask yourself. What's true about this? Do I want to believe this about myself? Because that's the thing. You don't have to believe it. You choose to believe it.

Denise Marsh:

Comparing yourself to other people, why? Why? Because what? They have more money, they have better careers, they have a better house, better relationships. Really, how do you know? Even if they do have more of something that you want, why does that have to determine how you view yourself? We can be inspired by other people. Of course. There are so many people who inspire me, but I don't compare myself to them.

Denise Marsh:

Now, I will say there were many, many times in the past when I would definitely compare myself to other people with the way that I looked, the way that I dressed, just different ways, that I would compare myself to other people, and it never made me feel good. Never, if anything. It made me feel that I had to prove myself more to all these other people. That's where the perfectionism kicks in, because we feel we have to be quote unquote perfect to be accepted. You don't. If you don't accept yourself, none of the other things matter. Do you accept yourself? And if not, that's where you start. That's where you start Checking social media every 10 seconds to see if you have more likes, more comments on your post. What's that about? What's that about Constantly asking other people? How do you look? What's that about Constantly asking other people?

Denise Marsh:

Is that project that you did, that work that you did, was it good enough? Is it good enough? Is it good enough? Is it good enough? Do you like it? Do you like it? What's that about?

Denise Marsh:

And we know that these things come from parts of our past, and this is why I truly believe that visiting our past is a good thing, because it helps to make sense of things that are happening in our current life. We don't need to live in the past, but visiting the past can give us so much clarity on what's going on now, why we behave the way we do now, why we view ourselves the way we do now. And this is where getting some good support can help you, whether that is a coach, a therapist, a support group, someone, someone who can help you. Now, when I talk about getting support, I don't mean talking to your friend, who has the same issues you do, and you both are trying to work on it together. That doesn't work. Okay, you two may be able to encourage each other along the way, but that's not the type of support you want. You want the type of support from someone who can help you get to the other side, because they know how to get you to the other side. There's no shame in asking for help. I am grateful for all the help that I've had in my life because it has helped me get to where I am now. I am grateful for the support that I have now because it's going to get me to where I'm going Now.

Denise Marsh:

To create that self-worth, here are some simple, practical and effective tools Practice self-compassion. Practice self-compassion. I know you have compassion for other people. Guess what? You're your own person. You deserve compassion from yourself, even more so than you give other people Gratitude.

Denise Marsh:

Listen, if you are not starting your day off with an act of gratitude, what the heck are you doing? Did you wake up this morning complaining oh, I gotta go to work, I gotta feed the kids, I gotta take the dog out. My neck hurts from sleeping on it wrong. I gotta answer all these text messages. Did you wake up complaining? Or did you wake up thinking I'm alive? I'm alive, I get another opportunity to do something with this day, and you know what? Here's the thing.

Denise Marsh:

I will tell you that there have been days when I woke up and my first thought wasn't immediately oh my god, I'm alive. More time than not it is. But there are times when I wake up. Maybe I had a dream about one of my brothers and, for those who don't know, both of my brothers have passed away and there are times when I may dream about one of them, or I may dream about my grandmother and I wake up feeling that loss. So my first initial thought may be about that, but I will tell you that it quickly goes to gratitude. Even though I may feel that moment of sadness and missing them, I say you know what? Thank you, god, thank you because I get to live today, I get to do something with my day, and you know what? I'm grateful that I loved them so much that even just a dream about them brings up all of these emotions. It reminds me of how strong love really is. Yeah, I do that, and this is not to toot my own horn, it's to let you know that I am human.

Denise Marsh:

Okay, I'm sharing all of these strategies, these tools, these tips, and letting you know that I still have moments of sadness, I still have moments of frustration. I still have moments where I'm challenged. Of course, I'm human and thankfully, I've learned wonderful tools to help me in this life, and I'm doing my part by sharing some of those tools and strategies with you all, because we are here to help one another, and I truly believe that having a strong sense of self-worth really adds so much value to our lives. So gratitude is a big part of that. You cannot complain and be grateful at the same time.

Denise Marsh:

Pick one and also another way to create that self-worth mindfulness, mindfulness. I'm going to encourage you again challenge those negative thoughts, challenge those negative beliefs and really truly embrace the uniqueness of you, your strengths, your talents, what you contribute to yourself and to the world. Embrace that you are so special. Do you believe that? So I have a couple of tools that I want to share with you, some strategies that can help you on your self-respect, self-worth and boundary journey. Alright, here's one that I think is a really fun one. This is a self-respect exercise, and what you'll do? You will write a list of your personal values. So, again, think about what matters most to you and also making a list of boundaries that you want to set in relationships. So, just to keep it easy start with just two, two relationships, making one of them the relationship with yourself and then the other one a relationship with someone else, and think about the boundaries that you want to set in those relationships, and then also creating some words of encouragement for yourself. While some people may call these affirmations, some people may call these, I am statements. Whatever it is you want to call them, but I like to call them encouragement statements, and these are words that you know will make an impact on yourself and encourage you to keep going on this journey. So set that list of personal values, what matters most to you, setting the boundaries in the relationships, picking just two to start off with and then also making it with yourself and well, with someone else, and then also creating some encouragement statements for yourself that will make an impact to help you keep going on this journey.

Denise Marsh:

The other part of this is creating a self-respect action plan. Doesn't that sound fun? I think it does. So. A self-respect action plan, and give yourself specific steps and goals that you really want to have with this plan, with the goal in mind being for you to enhance your self-esteem and your well-being. And the best way to really go about creating this self-respect action plan is thinking about. What is it that you really want? All right, what's going to help to increase that self-esteem and your well-being? Is it having more peace of mind? Is it having more fun in your day, having some increased joy? What is it that you want?

Denise Marsh:

Think of it, find some ways to inspire you to come up with things that you want for yourself and create that action plan. And don't make it this lengthy, big, huge plan, because then you probably won't get it done. Keep it simple. You can always add to it, but just start off simple, all right. And then here's another strategy I feel would be super fun, because that's what we want. Right, make this fun. It doesn't have to be this daunting thing Like, oh, here's another thing to add to my plate. If you think of it that way, it will become a chore. All right, think of it as something that's helping you have more value in your life, all right, so this next strategy is self-worth boosters. Okay, so, self-worth boosters these are ways that you can boost your self-worth and your confidence, and this could be finding new activities that bring you joy and fulfillment.

Denise Marsh:

So if you're having a trouble troubling time, if you're having a struggle thinking about what activities you like to do. Think back to when you were younger, whether you were a child, a teenager, 10, 20 years ago. Think what did I like to do. Or, if I could snap my fingers, what's something I would like to learn? So think about that. You know it's funny.

Denise Marsh:

I used to love playing badminton in high school, so I posted in Facebook about it, asking was there anyone who would like to be my badminton partner? And guess what? I have a date set for March. Yes, me and a Florida friend. We will be playing together. Now I have not played since high school, but I'm always trying to find new things to do. I have my go-to list of things that bring me joy and excites my soul, but I'm always thinking what else could I do, right? What else can I add to the list of fun things? And I thought about badminton. I'm like you know what? I loved it in high school. Let me see if I still love it as an adult. So, anywho, we'll see how that goes.

Denise Marsh:

But have fun with coming up with a list of activities that you used to really enjoy or activities you think you might enjoy. Add more of that to your life. Surround yourself with people who are uplifting and supportive and who also want to have more joy and fun. Don't hang around a bunch of fuddy dutties, oh no, you are the company you keep, so be mindful of the time you spend with people and who those people are, and also celebrate, celebrate, celebrate, celebrate, celebrate everything and celebrate without the guilt. Yeah, I said that. Celebrate without guilt. You deserve celebration. How is it okay for you to celebrate other people but you feel bad about celebrating your own self? No, that doesn't make sense. No, you get to celebrate yourself and you get to feel good about it, and you can celebrate anything, not just your birthday. Celebrate anything and everything. You know what I'm celebrating today, because I am recording all these podcasts today for this four-part series in one day, and you know what I'm celebrating. As soon as I'm done, with every episode I record, I celebrate it. Heck to the year. Because why not? Why the heck not? So I really, really, really am excited to hear about these techniques and strategies that you put in place, and I'm excited to hear you tell me about them. So email me, tell me how these are working out for you.

Denise Marsh:

Now, before we go, I do have a couple of questions from some of our listeners. So, before we go, I do have a couple of questions from a couple of our listeners on this topic and I want to take this time to answer those questions, because I do believe that these questions that they sent in are questions that someone listening also has. So here is our first question why do we respect others more than we respect ourselves? Why do we sacrifice our self-respect for the benefit of others? Oof Oof, oof Oof and I had a bunch of questions come in about self-respect and I feel like I need to do a whole new episode just on some of these questions, because they are so darn good and I know that they are going to be impactful for a lot of people when the questions are answered. So let me just get to this first.

Denise Marsh:

Now there is another part of this question, too, that came in, but I want to reflect it back to the boundary setting. So one of the questions that came in too, that said, why do we allow people to be disrespectful to us for the sake of keeping the peace? This goes back to the boundaries when we think about that, if you really think about people in your life who may be disrespectful to you and you allow that just to keep the peace. Ask yourself why? What is it about yourself that you are afraid to face? What are the consequences you think will happen if you speak up for yourself? You have to ask yourself these questions. In those moments when this is happening, you do get to say, hey, guess what Things are different now. Maybe in the past I let this stuff slide, but that stops today.

Denise Marsh:

This is a part of owning our worth and increasing the self-respect. Now I know I'm saying this with so much confidence right now. Right, and someone listening may be thinking there's no way I can do that. What if I've been in a relationship with someone for years and this is just how it is? How do I just change things?

Denise Marsh:

All of a sudden, you start to ask yourself first, if I continue to let this happen, if I continue to be disrespected, what does that say about me? If I continue to be disrespected, how can I say that I even like myself? If I'm allowing someone to treat me this way, if I'm allowing them to treat me this way, I'm allowing myself to be treated in a way that is not loving. So how can I say that I love myself? So you get to ask yourself what is acceptable and what is not. That goes back to the boundaries. It may be scary Absolutely it might be but it is scarier to continue being surrounded by people, or even being around one person who is disrespecting you and treating you like you're worth nothing or that you're beneath them. What does that do to your well-being, your mental health? That is crippling to so many people. So you have to ask yourself do I value myself enough to make a change? And what is one small step I can take? How can I speak up for myself? But that is first saying what do you feel you deserve? What do you want to have different about this relationship, about the situation? What can be different for you and what's going to happen if you don't make a change? Address that Now.

Denise Marsh:

Going back to why do we respect others more than we respect ourselves? You know, going back to the beginning of this episode, when I brought up how, when we're young, we're told respect your elders. Right, you respect authority, you respect elders. We're told this. Were you ever told to respect your peers? Probably okay. But how often were you told to respect yourself? And maybe you were, but do you feel you were mostly told how you have to respect other people, which we guess what we do need to respect other people right, but we have to respect ourselves.

Denise Marsh:

I feel that we're left out of the equation for a lot of things. When we're younger, we're told to do all these things for other people, but are we also told to do those things for ourselves? And so the story that we're told is the story we believe. The story we're told is the story that we live by. So if we're told you respect your elders but you're not told enough to respect yourself, the story plays in your mind I respect other people. The story is never I respect myself. So when it comes to respecting yourself, celebrating yourself, that story sounds strange to you because it's not something you were told to do. It's not something you were even shown to do. So it can feel like a foreign concept, but it can be quite challenging to wrap our minds around it.

Denise Marsh:

And why do we sacrifice our self-respect for the benefit of others? That goes back to that same question of why do we respect others more than we respect ourselves. It's what we were shown, what we were taught, and we took that on as that's the way to behave. That is the way to live, because this is what we do, this is what society does, this is what my upbringing has taught me. This is what I saw with my own eyes, so that's what I know to do, and if you saw disrespect, then that may be your norm. So you have to go back to ask yourself what was I taught? But also, more importantly, what is it that I want to do differently now? Because just because we were taught one way, that doesn't mean we have to continue doing things the same way.

Denise Marsh:

Now there was another question that came in from someone else, and this question can feel really heavy for those listening, and I know it was really heavy for the person who shared it and the question is how can you show respect for yourself during the really dark times in life and you know what that can feel very, very, very challenging. When you're going through a dark period, almost everything feels impossible, everything feels too much, and so to ask how can I respect myself more during those dark times, you know what you can do. You can ask yourself what is it that I need most in this moment? That's a show of respect and love, by just checking in and asking. So just think about.

Denise Marsh:

If you have a friend, you have a family member, just any loved one who's going through a dark period. You may ask them what is it that you need? How can I support you? That is you showing them a sign of love and respect If you did the same thing for yourself. That is showing yourself some love and respect by acknowledging that, yes, I am going through a dark time right now and I am choosing to ask myself in this dark moment, what is it that I need and how can I give it to myself? Maybe, in this dark moment, I just need some time alone. Maybe I need to surround myself with people who can encourage and uplift me. Maybe there is a way I can get some support. Maybe there is something I can do that can help me get a little bit closer to the light. But even just checking in with yourself is a sign of love. It's a sign of respect and sometimes adding that extra layer to it and saying I acknowledge that I'm in a dark space right now and I'm going to allow myself to sit here just for a moment, but I will not sit here longer than a day. That setting a boundary with yourself, which is a sign of respect. So I appreciate every single time someone sends in a question for me to answer and I appreciate you all listening to this very hearty episode and I am grateful for everyone who took the time to just be with themselves in this time to absorb this episode and take from it what you will, and I expressed on last week's episode that I'm going to encourage you to listen to these episodes again.

Denise Marsh:

This is a four part series. Last week was about trusting yourself, this week, respecting yourself, next week, liking yourself and the last part of the series, celebrating yourself. Listen to these episodes again and, once all four parts are done, listen to the all four parts again. If you can sit down with a notebook or recorder and take notes of what really sticks out for you. I'm sharing some strategies that you can implement right away and I'm keeping them as simple as possible because I don't want this to feel too big for you where you don't do anything. So again, I thank you, I appreciate you and guess what? I know that you are going to find new ways to respect yourself, to increase that self-esteem and enhance your well-being, because you love yourself enough. And guess what? If you feel you don't, you're getting there One step at a time.

Denise Marsh:

Oh, thank you for being part of this exhilarating journey through getting raw with Denise. Your commitment to self-discovery and growth is truly inspiring. If you have found value in this discussion, I would be so incredibly grateful if you could take a moment to share this podcast, or you could even leave a review on Google or Apple Podcast. Your feedback helps others on a similar journey discover this complementary resource and embark on their own transformative path. For more resources and support, please visit DeniseMarshnet. Let's stay connected and continue uplifting one another. Remember you hold the power to redesign and align your life from within. Embrace your uniqueness, cherish your self-worth and set those healthy boundaries with confidence. Keep diving deep into your true self, unleashing the potential that resides within you. Are capable of greatness and the world needs your authentic brilliance. Thank you once again for being a part of this incredible community. Until next time, stay true to yourself, keep shining and let's keep getting raw together.