Getting R.A.W. with Denise

Relationship Reality Check: Are Your Connections Adding Value or Just History?

• Denise Marsh • Season 2 • Episode 68

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Get ready for some candid conversations on relationships! Join me as we explore the significance of surrounding yourself with the right people and delve into whether your friendships and other connections are still enriching your life because you genuinely enjoy them or merely out of obligation. Plus, discover a couple of powerful questions to ask yourself about relationships when you sense it's time for a change. 





Are you a woman willing to learn how to prioritize yourself, heal and grow from past issues so they no longer play a role in your present and future life, and develop a healthy self-friendship, which will have you feeling OH SO GOOOOOOOD about yourself? Let's talk about it on a complimentary Love Chat to see if I'm able to support you on this journey. Click the link below to choose a date and time.

https://calendly.com/denisemarshraw/let-s-connect

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As always, THANK YOU for listening, sharing, and supporting! Please share a review on Apple Podcast, or you are able to email me a review at DeniseMarshRAW@gmail.com that I can share with others.

-Denise Marsh

Denise Marsh:

Well, hey, there all you beautiful people, and welcome to the most exhilarating ride of self-discovery. Be ready for a life-shifting journey as we dive deep into the topics of self-love, self-worth, some other selfies, as well as unlocking the transformative power of setting healthy boundaries so you can embrace your true potential and take charge of your life. This is not your typical self-help podcast. Oh no, we are taking it up a notch and then some. No sugarcoating, no fluff, just real talk and real results. We're diving head first into those topics that some may shy away from, but not here. Together, we'll uncover the wisdom in embracing the tough stuff. I'm bringing my high energy and no-nonsense approach to the mic and we're ready to break through those barriers holding you back. Get ready to amplify your inner power and learn simple yet super effective tools to unleash the greatness that resides within you. So buckle up, my friends. We're about to embark on an adventure of a lifetime. Embrace your uniqueness, cherish your self-worth and let's create a life that sets your soul on fire. Hit that subscribe button so you never miss an episode packed with insights, laughter and maybe even a little dancing. Together, we'll crush those self-doubts, level up our self-love game and celebrate every step of this incredible journey. Are you ready to ignite the power from within? Well then, let's do this. I'm Denise Marsh, your enthusiastic guide on this roller coaster of growth, and I cannot wait to see you thrive. Get ready for an adventure that'll leave you feeling empowered, inspired and equipped to take on the world.

Denise Marsh:

This is Getting Raw with Denise, where we redefine authenticity and have a blast doing it. Denise, keep in the rock rock rock. Denise. Keep in the rock rock rock. Denise. Keep in the rock rock rock. Denise. Keep in the rock, rock rock, denise Marsh.

Denise Marsh:

Hello and welcome. If this is your first time joining this podcast, welcome. Thank you so much for being here. And if this is your second, or more, if you've listened to this podcast before, thank you so much for coming back. I appreciate you, so let's get into it Now.

Denise Marsh:

I know I have quite a few favorite topics that I love to talk about and explore and get all the nitty gritty in it, and today I want to talk about friendships, and if you've listened to any of my older episodes, you probably have heard me talk about friendships before, and I talk about self-friendship, which is that friendship with your own self, and I've also talked about friendships with others, and they're both important. The relationships that we have with other people and the relationship that we have with ourselves is so important to our livelihood, to having a fulfilled life and having a life that feels safe and beautiful, and today's topic on friendship is really getting into. Are you still friends with people because you truly enjoy being around them, or are you still friends with people because you feel obligated due to your history with them or what they have done for you? That's what we're talking about today. Now here's the dealio. I know for a fact, for a fact, that there is someone listening to this right now who is thinking how did Denise know? What are you thinking, man? I think Denise is talking right to me. I am.

Denise Marsh:

I've been there where I've had friendships that lingered a little bit longer than they may have needed to, and it was mostly because of the history. You know, feeling that, oh well, we've been friends for so long and you know I didn't want to end the friendship, but definitely could feel that the friendship has shifted. And then there are some relationships that I know, oh no, this just doesn't feel right any longer. Maybe they did something that wasn't right, or you could just tell that the vibe was different between us. There are many reasons why relationships will end or just change, and that's just the ebb and flow of life. The relationship with our self also changes, right. So when we think about the friendships that we do currently have, and if you are in a situation where you're thinking to yourself that there may be one or more than a few people that you're not quite sure about any longer Maybe you're not sure if that person is still the right fit for your life, or you're just feeling that things need to change. Maybe the dynamic of the relationship needs to change, or you can tell it has already changed, but you don't know what to do about that or how to feel about it.

Denise Marsh:

So let's talk about that First thing that you can do, or one of the first things that you can do, when you are feeling like you're in a bit of a pickle with deciding what to do about the future of a current friendship that just does not feel right any longer. Ask yourself this question With the person that I am today and the person that they are today. If I were to meet them for the first time, would I want to be in a relationship with them or would I want to be friends with this person. That is a really powerful question to ask yourself, and not just in friendships. This could be in all types of relationships and, again, it doesn't necessarily mean you have to cut that relationship off Sometimes it does but it could just be a good indicator that it's time for something to change, and this is not the easiest thing to do for a lot of people.

Denise Marsh:

There have been a few times where I've had to take a really good look, a hard look, at some relationships that I was in and ask myself what do I want to do about this, or what conversation do we need to have about the status of our relationship. And this has been with friends. This has been with family members, because this doesn't just apply to people who are not blood related to us or related to us. Sometimes you may have a family member that you have been really close with and you do a lot of things together, and then you feel like you're drifting apart for whatever reason, and sometimes you want to just hold on to that. You're like but no, that's my sister, or that's my cousin, or that's my aunt, or that's my brother. Whatever the case may be, you just know things are not feeling right and I don't know if I really enjoy being around this person any longer. But they're my family, but they're my friend, but they've done so much for me, we've been through so many things together and you have to let that part go. Okay, now that may sound a little bit harsh, but seriously, if you're just holding onto a relationship just because of the history, ask yourself is that enough? Is that enough to continue having a future with someone just because of the history? And it's okay to say that, wow, we've been through a lot and this person has done so much for me and I've done so much for them. But it seems like our time has come to an end, or this relationship is just not as close as it once was. This doesn't mean that you didn't appreciate what you two have had.

Denise Marsh:

You can let go of the guilt of feeling like you are obligated to that person. Because what happens if you continue to force a relationship? That's when the ill feelings start to come. You may start to feel resentful, you can start to feel angry, bitter. You start to nitpick about things, you start to avoid them in unhealthy ways. That's definitely not going to help anything. Your body will start to respond in ways that don't feel good. Every time you see their name pop up on the phone. When they call or text you, your stomach hurts or you're like, oh god, what now? Or anytime they ask to hang out or go somewhere, you either think of an excuse or you say yes out of duress, and now you're dreading even seeing them. That's not good for you or them. So this is where you can practice giving yourself grace. This is where you can practice letting go of the guilt of feeling different about that person.

Denise Marsh:

I know this is a real thing because I have gone through it myself and I have talked to quite a few people who are currently going through this. And you would think that because we're adults, and we are fully functioning adults with healthy lives or somewhat healthy lives, that we can make these choices with so much ease. But that is not always the case. That is not always it. Sometimes making these choices that we know are the right ones can feel really hard and challenging. That doesn't mean stay away from it. We're going to have to make challenging choices throughout our lives. Again, ask yourself the question with who I am now and who I'm becoming, and the person that they are now. If I met them today, would I want to start a relationship with them? That is a very telling answer that you'll receive. So ask yourself that question. And now, on the flip side, if you have people that you truly enjoy being around, hold on to those people. Spend more time with them if you want to. We are blessed to have good people in our lives, whether it's one person or a multitude of people.

Denise Marsh:

You are not alone, and I know there's someone who may be listening, who may feel alone. Ask yourself are you just giving yourself your own pity party? Are you really alone? There's no one in this world who cares for you? Or have you shut yourself off because you don't want to get hurt? You're afraid of rejection, you're afraid of disappointment, because people close themselves off because they're afraid of being hurt. But guess what? If you close yourself off and don't open yourself up to love and relationships and friendship and fun, you're missing out. You can't predict what's going to happen, but I can tell you that the more you keep yourself closed off, you can definitely predict what you will not receive, and that's companionship. That's someone who can be there for you and you can be there for them. Allow yourself to open up, and maybe that's opening yourself up to future hurt. Who knows? But it could be you opening up to something absolutely magnificent, something so wonderful. Take a chance. I mean, we have this one life. Why not take all the chances that you can? Why not Now? If you're still unsure, okay.

Denise Marsh:

If you feel more confused or you feel stuck about what to do about a current relationship that you are in that you know needs to shift or end, this is when you get to check in with yourself and ask yourself what do you value the most when it comes to yourself? If you say I value peace of mind, I value integrity, I value my health and that includes mental health, emotional health, spiritual health, physical health, financial health If you're saying that I value what I surround myself with and who I surround myself with, I choose who I want to spend my time with, and if I am choosing to spend my time with someone who does not make me feel good, who does not make me feel loved and appreciated, who does not make me feel safe, then what does that say about me? Am I choosing to be hurt? Yes, and that may not feel good to hear, but again, think about it. You are choosing the people in your life. You are choosing where you put your time and your energy. You're choosing this and I get it.

Denise Marsh:

Sometimes you are in these really bad spots where it is so unclear on what's going on and what to do, or you're telling yourself it's unclear on what to do, but you know what to do. And it may seem hard, it may seem stressful, but think about it this way If the relationship that you are in, whether it's a friendship, a relationship with a family member, an intimate partner, if you are in a relationship with someone who is not healthy for you and you know this how will things change a day from now, a week, a month, a year? You know it's not going to get better. The proof is there. You have waited and tried to see if it will get better and it hasn't. For someone listening, you know it's actually gotten worse. So what does the future actually look like for you Now?

Denise Marsh:

Someone listening may think you know, denise, I am going through a situation, but it's not that deep, it's not that drastic is what you're talking about right now. That's okay. It doesn't matter if you are in a relationship with someone that you just aren't feeling any longer, but you're still trying to put the time and energy into, or if you're in a relationship that you know is actually really harmful, the same results apply that you are putting your time and energy into something that is no longer for you and guess what? The results can still be pretty similar. Where this is causing some detriment to your health, this is causing some unease in your life, this is causing agitation, this is causing a lot of things that just don't feel good.

Denise Marsh:

How is that okay, that you are allowing things that don't feel good, that's not good for you, in your life? Hear me and hear me. Well, I am speaking to you because I get it, and I'm speaking without blaming you, without shaming you. I will never do that. I am speaking to you with directness, to let you know that it is not okay to mistreat yourself by being in a situation where you are being mistreated. It is not okay to keep hanging out with people that you know you don't want to hang out with. That is not good for you. Or your time. Guess what? We never get back time. You don't get that back.

Denise Marsh:

So if you're choosing to put your time somewhere that you know you could be using in a better way. Why are you doing it? Ask yourself these questions. Stop tiptoeing around it, stop justifying it, stop making excuses about it, stop thinking well, it's not that bad. It could be worse, you're right. It could be worse because you're going to stay in the situation, which will get worse, but it could get better.

Denise Marsh:

If you say enough is enough, I deserve better, or you know what this relationship has run its course, or you know what. I am grateful for what we've had, but it seems like things are changing. What does that look like for you? Sometimes you can have a conversation with people and see where they are with things. Everything doesn't have to be so intense, everything doesn't have to be so scary, but if you don't take anything else away from today, take this. Your time and your energy matters. Your time and your energy is precious. Your time and your energy is something that you cannot take for granted. You get to choose what you do in your life. You get to choose who you allow in your life and if people are mistreating you and you're allowing yourself to stay in those situations, you're choosing that. If you know you are feeling unease in a situation with someone, but you're continuing to show up around that person. You're choosing that too. You may have a relationship with a person and it's not bad, but it's just not good, and so you keep just trucking along. That's still not the greatest thing you can do for yourself.

Denise Marsh:

There are different situations here. I get it. There have been situations where, you know, I wanted to spend more time with one friend that was actually feeling really good for me. However, I felt so drained from another friend and I kept making excuses as to why I was keeping this one friend around. And when I finally decided to just have the conversation with this person and the relationship took the turn and needed to take, that felt so good and the relationship it didn't completely dissolve, but it shifted and we show up as needed and the relationship with the friend that I wanted to spend more time with. I now have the energy to do so.

Denise Marsh:

Everyone listening to this is going through a situation that they are unsure about. So here it is To the person who is in a situation of whether or not to stay in a friendship that is just not feeling the best any longer. Ask yourself the question If I met that person today with who they are now and who I am and who I am wanting to become. Would I want to start a friendship with them, yes or no? To the person who is in a relationship with a family member and you know this family member just you know they'll love them. You would just rather love them from afar.

Denise Marsh:

It's okay to distance yourself. It's okay to even have a conversation with them if that's necessary. But you don't have to. You can do what's best for you and the relationship you can bow out with grace. You can be grateful for what you've had. You don't have to stay in it because you feel obligated. You don't have to stay in anything because of the history you two share. You don't have to stay in it because your family, your blood or you feel like your family. You don't have to stay in those situations if they are no longer serving you.

Denise Marsh:

To the person who is in a relationship with someone where they are mistreating you they are making you feel bad about yourself, they are making you feel like you are worthless or they just don't make you feel loved. They may be manipulating you. They may tell you something good to lift you up and shoot you with something so horrible it brings you down to your knees. I see you and I'm encouraging you to choose yourself. I'm encouraging you to choose loving yourself. I'm encouraging you to see that your future is depending on you to make the choice that you know is the one you need to make. You are choosing the people in your life. You are choosing the people you surround yourself with. How much is your life, your peace of mind, your health and your joy worth? Is it worth still being around someone who makes you feel like you aren't enough?

Denise Marsh:

And here's another thing the more that you do learn to love and like yourself, the more you will have the confidence to say goodbye to the things that are no longer for you. It may be a journey, but it is a journey that is good. It may have challenges, but it also has its rewards. And guess what? When you let that relationship go, the right person will fill that space at the right time. You won't be alone. Maybe this is the time you need to really ask yourself what is it that I need the most and how can I give it to myself? And the answer may be that it's time to move on. It is time to make a change, and you can do that. I know it's scary. I know it may feel horrible and it may feel like, oh my God, this person's gonna hate me. Okay, well, how do you feel? How do you feel? This isn't about ignoring everyone else's feelings. It is about also considering your own. These are some of the things that we work on during my retreats. Our raw retreats are so transformational because you have the time and the space to really dig into what it is that you want to shift in your own life and walk away with the actual steps to do so and with a little bit more confidence and know how and how to actually continue making those changes. That's one of the things I love the most about our retreats. But we're not at a retreat right now. Right now, we are here.

Denise Marsh:

You are listening to this podcast. I'm going to encourage you to listen to this again. I'm keeping this one pretty short because I want it to be where you can come back and listen to this as often as you need to, especially if you're in a situation where this particular episode can help you get a little bit more clarity on what to do and maybe give you a little bit more confidence on doing what you know you want to do. I personally understand this. I personally get it. I've had to make hard choices, too, when it came to relationships, but I can promise you I was so much better for it. There was so much more relief. The women that I have the privilege of working with they have also had to make some really tough choices, and they are so much better off for it their families are so much better off for it because they made a choice that may have seemed really challenging, but it also gave them so much more life and freedom, and I know you want the same for you. I want the same for you.

Denise Marsh:

So it's time out for saying what you want to do and it's time to start doing what you are willing to do. If you are seeking support on this, I would love to get on a complimentary love chat with you, and a love chat is us talking for 30 minutes about what's really on your heart and your spirit and seeing if there's a way that I can support you further beyond that call and also support you during that call. If this sounds like something that you would love to explore, go into the show notes, click on the link for the love chat and let's talk about it In the meantime, choose you Doesn't mean that you're not choosing anyone else's feelings. It is about you saying that my feelings matter too, my life matters, and my time and energy matters. No more excuses it's time for some loving action.

Denise Marsh:

Thank you, oh thank you, for being part of this exhilarating journey through Getting Raw with Denise. Your commitment to self-discovery and growth is truly inspiring. If you have found value in this discussion, I would be so incredibly grateful if you could take a moment to share this podcast, or you could even leave a review on Google or Apple Podcast. Your feedback helps others on a similar journey discover this complementary resource and embark on their own transformative path. For more resources and support, please visit DeniseMarshnet. Let's stay connected and continue uplifting one another. Remember you hold the power to redesign and align your life from within. Embrace your uniqueness, cherish your self-worth and set those healthy boundaries with confidence. Keep diving deep into your true self, unleashing the potential that resides within you. Are capable of greatness and the world needs your authentic brilliance. Thank you once again for being a part of this incredible community. Until next time, stay true to yourself, keep shining and let's keep getting raw together.