Changing The Conversation

Have you ever been in a conversation where you find yourself becoming more and more frustrated?

There are a lot of conversations, or talking back and forth to each other, going on in the world right now. A lot of people are talking and responding, but is a conversation actually happening? This communication is ultimately leading to confusion, anger, and division in relationships-- even relationships we hold nearest and dearest.

In today's episode, find out how to change the conversation to be meaningful. Learn how to talk so that others understand you and to listen so that others feel heard. After listening to this podcast, you will understand how to have a conversation that brings confidence, connection, and compassion.

Today's Speaker: Kimberly Beam Holmes

Kimberly Beam Holmes has applied her master’s degree in psychology for over 10 years, acting as the CEO of Marriage Helper & CEO and Creator of PIES University, being a wife and mother herself, and researching the ways that attraction affects relationships. Her videos, podcasts, and following reaches over 200,000 people a month who are making changes and becoming the best that they can be.  

Website: www.PIESUniversity.com

You’ll Learn

• The difference between talking and having a conversation
• 5 things to do now to change your conversations
• How to listen so that others feel heard
• How to talk so that others understand you

Ep 018: Changing The Conversation, with Kimberly Beam Holmes. 

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Transcript

Kimberly Holmes : 0:30

I'm sure this has never happened to any of you. But it's happened to me on countless occasions where I'll be in a conversation with someone and I find myself getting more and more frustrated, either because I feel like I'm talking to a brick wall and the other person is not listening to me. Or I become so angry or upset about what we're talking about that I become emotional, and I stopped listening to them. In this episode, we are going to be talking about how you can change the conversation. I don't know if you have been noticing this right now in our world or not. But there are a lot of conversations happening on social media, in real life on podcasts, YouTube, wherever it is. There's a lot of talking, and there's a lot of people responding. But just because a person is talking and another person is answering doesn't mean that there's an actual conversation going on. Because right now what we're seeing in the world is that a lot of these conversations, quote unquote, a lot of this talking back and forth to each other is a better way to put it is ultimately leading to confusion, anger, and even more frustration, and honestly, it's leading to division in relationships, even relationships that we hold nearest and dearest. So today, we're going to be talking about how to change the conversation, how to talk so that others understand you and how to listen so that others feel heard, and how to have a conversation that brings confidence, connection, and compassion. I can't wait to jump into this topic with you. Hey, my name is Kimberly beam Holmes and this is it starts with attraction, where we discuss how to become the most attractive that you can be physically, intellectually, emotionally and spiritually This insiders call it the pies, you can become more attractive to others and most importantly to yourself. We will teach you how. Let's dive in. Hey, everyone. Before we get started, I want to remind you to connect with me outside of this podcast. I love speaking with you, but I love connecting with you in real ways even more than that. The best way to connect with me is by following me on Instagram, where I am constantly posting story updates and posts that are sharing with you the ways that I am continuing to learn and grow in my own pies my own physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual journey that I'm walking through. And I love to hear back from you on that platform as well. You can also join our Facebook group, hashtag working on my pies all one word, where you can get encouragement and connection with other people who are in this pis community with us. Don't forget to join the email list, you can go to piesuniversity.com and sign up to be a part of the five line Friday emails where every Friday, I'm sending out five things that you can focus on throughout the weekend and the week ahead in order to keep you focused and grounded in the work that you're doing in your pies. So be sure to connect with me, I love to hear from you. And if you love this podcast, please leave a review. That is the best gift that you could ever give me and I will love you forever for doing so. Alright, let's jump into today's topic. The problem is that many of us have never been taught how to have a conversation. Now that might sound a little ridiculous because we talk all the time we say what 80,000 something words a day. conversations are part of our daily life. But what I mean is we rarely actually take the time to learn and study how to be more effective communicators. And what all of that really boils down to is actually becoming effective listeners. When I was going through my master's of marriage and family therapy, I remember the first thing that we did as being counselors and therapists in training is we learned how to listen. We learned how to shut our mouths, we learned how to hear with the person sitting in our therapy room, or wherever it might be, was saying to us, and that is what we spent the whole first semester doing. Learning to listen. I'm going to go deeper into that in just a minute, because I want to teach you five things today that you can begin doing in the conversations that you have in order to make them more productive, more wholesome, more effective, and most importantly, to have your conversations lead to healthier, happier relationships with the people that you have in your life. But first I want to break down what communication actually is, because it's really simple to break down. And I don't think we do it enough. But if we just look at how conversation happens, there is a message, right? So there's something that needs to be transported something that needs to be transported or transferred. That's what this message is. And there is a sender, who is the person saying the message, giving the message. And then there is the receiver, the person receiving the message. Remember, when we were kids, and we used to play telephone, right? The person who started it created a message, and they would send it by whispering it into the ear of the person next to them. And if you remember those games of telephone, then you remember how much the message would change. Because the one thing that was missing in the game of telephone that ended up causing problems as the message continued, and continued It was missing one vital and critical piece of communication, which is feedback. And here's what I mean by that. If I have a message that I am sending to my husband, Rob, let's say, I want to tell him that our taxes are due and we need to get our tech stuff in, right? This was a real life situation a couple of weeks ago. But if I give him that message, then I am the sender. He is then the receiver at that point. Now, here's where the crucial point comes in. He it is up to him at that point to ask for feedback. He can either take the message that he has received, and he can fully understand it and then act and execute off of what he believes he understood. Or he can act and execute based on a partial message. Let's say he didn't fully understand it, or he understood it through his own lens, then he might act and execute on that. message, but he may do it in a way that I as the sender didn't want it to be done that way. The way that this actually happened in our life a couple of weeks ago was I said, Hey, taxes are due on July 15. So we need to be sure to get all of our stuff in. Now as the sender of the message, what I did not do well is I was not specific. I did not ask for him to give me feedback on it. I simply said that in my mind, I continued thinking, so get the stuff in three weeks ahead of time. But I didn't say that because I just assumed by saying taxes were due on the 15th that he would understand the unsaid parts of what I was talking about the unspoken parts of my message. We all have this in the communication that we do. We all have things that we understand subconsciously beneath the surface that we think are implied in our messages. And then when the receiver hears that It through their own way of processing their own way of seeing the world, their own way of thinking of things. Then if that person has not asked for more feedback, clarification or specification, or if we have not initially given it, the message gets lost in translation, I think about back in World War Two, where they were sending these Morse code messages, and how many things could get lost in translation. If there was a key that was stroked at the wrong time. It could be so easy to misconstrue, or miss the message based on that. This happens in our daily lives all of the time. The way it worked out, going back to me and Rob and the taxes, which are super fun just in and of themselves, but the way it worked out for us is he then had made a plan to put the taxes in and have them do by a certain date that he had planned in his mind. He did not ask for feedback from me he didn't feel He needed it. And I'm not going against him on this. But what ended up happening was because of my lack of a clear message upfront, my lack of follow up with him, his lack of asking for feedback, we both ended up having assumptions about what was going to be done and what we wanted to happen. Then when each of us saw different things end up happening, we got frustrated, we got angry, and it didn't work out well. I, as I said before, assumed that he would get the taxes in that day, a month ahead of time. He in his mind was like, Well, I have until July 15. So I'll do July 10, is when I'll get all of our stuff in and I'll get it done. But there was no further communication about it. So every couple of days, I would continue to ask him about it. I would continue to remind him about it. And he would continue to get frustrated at me which I can totally understand his point of view once I understood the way he was thinking about it. Because he was thinking, I've got it, I'm doing it stop pressuring me about it stop continually bringing it up. But we didn't have clear communication about it. So it led to both of us being frustrated in the conversations from there didn't go as well. This happens to us all of the time. You see, what we typically do is we talk to be heard. And we listen, just so that we can talk more. Here's what I mean by that. I typically, in my own humaneness in my natural way of wanting to interact with the world. I say, I talk to my husband, like with the taxes, I told him, what I was wanting to be done, so that he would hear me so that he would then do what I would want him to do get the rest of the tax stuff in, get it done. And then I was really or could very well really only be listening to him in order to respond back in a way to get him to do what I want him to do. We're not listening to understand we're not listening to find compromise. We're listening in order to formulate our own responses, and speak back out of what we believe what we want to happen, or our view of the subject. I can also demonstrate this with what's going on in the world right now. There's so many things going on, where everyone has different opinions. And it can be easy to look at social media to log into Facebook, Instagram, watch the news, and to be overwhelmed with all of the different conversations going on all of the topics thing, all of the topics that people are bringing up all of the events happening in the world that everyone has an opinion on it because so many people have an opinion so many more people state their opinion, which is fine, we have the right to do that. But what I see and I'm sure you see it as well is that there is more division happening than unification on anything that is happening in the world right now. Because every person, or at least the majority, the majority of people are talking to be heard. They are not seeking to understand. And even when people are responding to their opinions or their comments, leaving comments under whatever posts, they might post, the person is not going to change their mind based on a comment left in the Facebook post. You see this right? They only get the ammunition that they need to support the argument that they already had at the very beginning. And this is what is so unhealthy to relationships. There's so many parts of this that But especially when we are seeking just so that people will hear us and not stopping and listening to others so that we can hear them. This is where the breakdown in conversation, the breakdown in relationships, and even the breakdown in human connection begins to happen. So how can we have productive conversations? What are the things that we can do to implement on a day to day basis that will help us to change the way that conversations are happening, to stop all of the anger and the strife and to instead speak in a way that is truthful in a way that provides unity and in a way that brings connection into our relationships and into our lives. Here are the five things that I believe you can begin doing right now. In order to change the conversations that you're having in your own life. The first is this: be the non anxious presence. Here's what I mean by that. As I mentioned earlier, when I was in my marriage and family therapy program, one of the first things we learned, in addition to learning to listen, even before that, we had to back up and learn how to enter into a conversation before we even ever speak a word. And you see, the basis of this is that if I as a professional as a therapist, as a wife, as a mom, if I enter into a conversation, or even just enter into a room, and I am filled with anxiety, if I'm nervous, if I'm angry, I carry those emotions into that conversation with me. And the other person can see it in me whether or not they know what has happened or not. You know, there's the same If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy, right? And that's because if the mother in the house typically has had a bad day, they're frustrated, they're stressed out, everyone knows it, you can tell by the look on her face, by the way, she's moving through the house, all of those things. It doesn't just apply to women, it applies to men, of course, as well to anyone, we can tell that if someone has had a bad day, or if they're worried about something that that precedes them. In the conversations they have, they may end up having a completely different view, in a conversation simply based on how they feel. They may be more willing to play devil's advocate if they're in a bad mood, or if they're anxious and worried. They may not be listening to you at all when you speak because they're only thinking about what's going on in their own mind. And so when we learn to be the non anxious presence, it means that we go into the conversation focusing more on the other person Then on ourselves, we go into the conversation really seeking to be fully engaged with the other person, as opposed to wanting them to hear us. Now, I'm not saying that there's not a time and a place for us to speak and others to hear us. Absolutely. But I believe that the best types of conversations, and really the best relationships are made from when we seek to put the other person first. And we speak second. So in this, we can see why when conversations happen through text message or email or social media, or maybe even sometimes on the phone, it can be more difficult to be that non anxious presence because you don't have that face to face connection. You're not able to see the body language of the other person. You're not able for them to see you being calm. We instead put the person when we can't see them, we put them in the situation we think they might be in. If they're talking about a topic that is a heavy hitting topic, and they're very stern and have a strong stance about it, we may imagine that they're saying it in anger. But in reality, they might be completely calm and collected. And we miss that when it's online. But the other part about being the non anxious presence is that we then also seek to help the other person not be anxious in the conversation we're having with them. That's why when you might be having a conversation with a spouse or a romantic partner, or even a child that you have or a family member, that whenever those conversations are happening through text message, so much is lost in translation. I even had to do this a couple of weeks ago with one of my family members. I said, we just can't text about hard things anymore because too I often that person would miss read what I had read what I had typed, they would hear it a certain way, or they would get so worried or concerned about one thing I had said and completely mess something else. And we ended up having fights through emails and I said, this can't keep happening. We just need to hear each other's voice and connect, because our relationship is more important than these fights that we're getting in. So let's connect first let's seek to connect let's seek to bring the anxiety down in our relationships, and instead focus more on being that non anxious presence for myself, but also for the person that I'm speaking with. The second key to changing how the conversations are going is that we listen to understand more than we listen to speak. Listening to understand means that as the other person Speaking, I'm not formulating my rebuttal. In my head. I'm not even trying to formulate my response in my head. I'm simply listening, taking everything in watching them as they talk, watching their body language, seeing which areas of what they say, might be more important to them. And you can tell that based on the timbre in their voice, how much faster they begin to speak, or maybe even you notice bodily changes, they start shifting when they feel uncomfortable about certain things. And it's those cues that you can learn to press into as you speak. And as you talk, if you realize that your spouse becomes uncomfortable, every time you talk about wanting to have more intimacy in your relationship, and they might not say that with their words, but maybe they divert their eye contact or they look down or they become flesh, then you can begin to know there's something there that they're not comfortable with. And maybe instead of pushing the fact that I want to be making love more times every week, maybe I should be seeking to listen to them and understand why they feel the way they do about it, why they have a wall up about that in their lives. We can see this with our kids very well, especially if you have adolescents or teenagers, then, you know, there are times when you're asking them about their day or about something happening in school, that they might start to disconnect. And maybe it's because of embarrassment, maybe it's because they don't want to talk about it. Maybe it's because they just want to go to their room and talk to their friends. That can be 100 reasons. But the key here is that you're listening to the person that you're speaking to their words, and the things that aren't their words, because you're wanting to understand them. you're wanting to seek to understand and to press into the areas where you can be more loving to them. Or you can be more conscious of things they might be struggling with things that they might be embarrassed about things they might be excited about, that they really want to happen. You can notice those even more when you are seeking to understand and listening to understand, instead of listening just to respond. There's a great concept to live by, which is in your conversations, seek to listen more than you speak. Seek to ask the person questions so that you can get a full understanding of what they're saying. As we talked about earlier, there's a message and there's a sender, and there's a receiver. But the great conversations happen as feedback occurs between the two of those, so I might send a message to rob by telling him something, but when he asks for feedback and clarification, and then I asked for feedback and clarification, and we begin to really want to understand the other person was their struggles are what they need help with what what their obstacles might be in what we're wanting to have done, then that is where understanding begins to happen with the taxes. For Rob, he had a ton of schoolwork that he had to get done. He's currently getting his MBA. And so for him, there was just a lot that had to get done before July 10. And so in his mind, that was when he could do it. If I had been a better conversationalist, and that if I was seeking to understand, then I would have seen that when I was talking to him about getting the taxes done, that he began to get flustered, he began to get anxious about it to get frustrated about one more thing adding to his plate. And if I noticed that at first, then at that point, I could have said, Hey, babe, it looks like that is stressing you out what's going on? How can I help? And in that moment, I'm seeking to understand instead of seeking to get a task done, I'm appealing relationship over task. And that is where amazing change begins to happen in your conversation. The third point in how to change your conversation is to remember to take a look in your own shoes. Here's what I mean by that. We all know the phrase, try walking a mile in someone else's shoes. And the reason that that's a phrase is because we don't really fully as much as we try. We can seek to understand ask questions, but we're never going to 100% understand what someone else's reality is. As long as I've been married to my husband, as much as we talk as much time as we've spent together of all the things I know about him, I still don't understand and I never fully will, the way that he filters the things that happen in his world. The things that were affected by the way, he was brought up as a A child, the way he was parented, the experiences that he had in school, the struggles that he had as a teenage boy, the things that he went through. And when he joined the military, there's so much in his life that has affected his reality that he filters things through. He has a different background, a different experience. And we all have that. My background experiences, the perceptions that I have, will create the filters in which I create my beliefs, my opinions, and the things that I hold dear. It's true for all of us. In the social sciences, it's called a schema, I have a certain schema, because of the things that I have experienced in my life. It's a filter through which I see the world. It's a filter through which I gain understanding. I'm going to filter the things I learned based on the things that are important to me, the experiences that I've had And the way that I perceive the world around me, it's just true. One of the ways that we have seen this in our world in the past five to 10 years, has been with the me to movement. So as a woman, and as a woman in business and even as a woman in leadership, I have a certain filter and perception of this me to movement that a man may not have. In fact, I could even go as far to say that a man can't have because they're not in the same situation in the same upbringing. Now, none of this is to be political. I'm not going to state anything about that. But I do realize that as a woman, I have been hit on in situations where I shouldn't have, I have had to endure things that have happened. ways that people have touched me inappropriately. in the workplace setting, and all of the feelings that have gone around that. And so while there have been people who maybe that wasn't their experience, and so they write off what other people are saying about it, what they have to realize is the reason that you have a different opinion is because it hasn't been your reality. We see this with race in the world right now. I had a conversation a couple of weeks ago with my dad who grew up during the 60s and remembers when there was still segregation. And I just sat with him and asked him to tell me the stories, because I take for granted that that that that has not been my experience. And so it I needed to understand where we have come from what it used to be like and understand what the black people in our community have endured, even if they have not personally endured the same segregation. That happened back in the 60s, that that is still something that permeates into their history into what their parents went through, and to an extent what they are going through right now as well. And that is their reality. And just because it is not my reality doesn't mean that it's not happening, and that I don't need to listen to it. In fact, the exact opposite is true. I need to listen to it and press in even more, to seek to understand because it's so far outside of what my reality has been. And when we seek to understand and when we realize that people are walking in different shoes than I am, they have a different day to day life than I do. And when I at least put myself out there to try and understand it. Before getting angry about it before stating my own opinion, before doing any of that when I seek to see life through their perspective. That is when the fourth thing happens, which is empathy. There's a difference in sympathy and empathy. And I love the way that Bernie brown puts it, where she says, sympathy is if you have a friend down in a pit, and you come and you look down on them, and you say, Oh, I'm so sorry, you're down there, want a sandwich. But you're not actually trying to connect with what they're feeling as they're in this pit. Whereas empathy is when you go and you see the person in the pit and you climb down into the pit with them and sit with them there. To understand their perspective, what they're feeling, why they're feeling that way. Empathy is about seeking to connect with the emotions of the people that we are talking to, that we're speaking with empathy as well. prioritizing, connecting the person with their emotions are, how they feel, why they feel that way, as opposed to prioritizing our own wants and needs. Empathy is one of the best things that we can do in all of our relationships with your spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, your kids, your parents, your siblings. My sister was going through a really hard time last year. And I really wanted to tell her what to do. Every time we talked, I really wanted to say do this, that and then the next thing and everything will be better. But if I had done that, that would be me. Speaking to be heard, instead of listening to understand, and instead what I did, even though it was hard for me I'm a fixer. I like to get things done. I would listen to her. I would put my own feelings aside at the beginning of the conversation so that I can be that non anxious presence. And I would try and take a look at what she was going through through her experience. You see, my sister and I, we have a very interesting story because our parents, we have the same parents, the same mom, the same dad, but the difference is my sister experienced my parents being divorced for three years, and my dad being gone for the majority of that, and I experienced two parents who were always together and always there for me. My parents had gotten divorced when my sister was seven was and they were divorced until she was 10 years old when they got remarried. And a couple of years after they got remarried, they had me so my middle sister Joanna is 12 years older than me We've had very different lives. Even though we have the same parents, we had much of the same upbringing, in the sense of the types of things that we had and the experiences that we had and things like that. It was the same except for she had three years of her parents being divorced in the formative years of her life. And so even as an adult, she still filters things that happened to her fears that she has, through the experience that she had as a child. And I don't have that same experience, even though she is my sister, we have very different experiences. And so I have to realize and seek to understand how that has impacted her and how that has affected her. And there might be times where she gets angry at my dad about something. And when I hear about it, I think this is ridiculous. How could you interpret what he did to be like that Because I see it differently, but she still has parts of her that filter it through fear of abandonment, anger of what happened. And even though she has forgiven my father and they have an amazing relationship, and my family is very close, there are still wounds in her life that are very difficult to heal. And when I realized that, it brings empathy, my heart breaks for what she went through. And then on the same side, I'm so grateful that I didn't have to go through that. It's when we learn to empathize, that we really learn to love. Because then we're really seeking to understand the other person to put their needs above ours, to stay silent and the times that we need to stay silent. It's where we learn to be selfless. And it's where in, and it's where unconditional love can really begin to grow. There's a lot of things and because of what I have done at marriage helper, I've seen a lot of it firsthand. There's a lot of things that happen to people that are terrible. Whether it is their spouse, betraying them, or having to deal with just really hard things, even from their childhood of people who have been raped, or people who've been left and abandoned by the people who should love them most. It's really hard. But one of the most amazing things that I've been able to see are these people who have every reason in the world by the world standards, to stop loving when they learn to empathize, to see what's going on through the other person's perspective to realize that their spouse who betrayed them is a broken person, but they're not an evil person to realize that they don't have to be bound by the things that happened to them when they were younger that weren't their fault. It doesn't mean you continue their relationships with people who have physically or mentally or emotionally abused you or hurt you or done things inappropriate to you. There doesn't have to be a continual relationship there. You should always seek safety. But when they've forgiven when they've chosen to view these people as broken people who need help in healing, it's amazing how they're able to endure and withstand and grow more through the hardest times of their lives. Because they're willing to empathize. If you've noticed, the first four points have all been about how to listen. The first one is be the non anxious presence. The second one is listen to understand. The third is take a look at your own shoes, and realize that they're not the shoes of the person next to you. The fourth one is to empathize. And we haven't even opened our mouth yet to when we finally get to the fifth one, which is speak, to connect, and not to act, when we do finally speak, I believe that our words should be done in love. That they should be done in a way that seeks for unity that seeks to connect that seeks to speak truth, always. So I'm not saying that you watered down what you need to say or that you agree with someone in doing something that's bad. That's not what I'm saying at all. I'm simply saying when we speak, we do it out of truth. We do it in love, and we do it to connect. Now you might be thinking, How do I do that if the conversation that I'm having is about a person in my life who is involved in something that's hurtful, maybe they're involved in being an alcoholic, and they're coming home drunk, or maybe it's my son who's battling in drug addiction, and I can't just tell them that what they're doing is okay, and you shouldn't, but you can still speak to them to connect to try and understand why they're struggling with this, why they're dealing with this, to to love them unconditionally, no matter what. And then when you do speak, it's done in love. And you may say, what you're doing is killing you. What you're doing is killing our family. What you're doing is hurting our relationship. I love you. And I want to help you through this. But I'm not going to continue putting up with the behavior. You can do that by being loving while being loving. You can do that with the goal of connection. But if you speak and attack, don't you see what you're doing? Don't you see how you're ruining everything? Don't you see how you're killing yourself and our family? It's not going to have the same result. As when you're speaking, to connect and not to divide. One of my favorite books says that every person should be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. For anger of man does not produce the right results. Another thing that this book says another quote is that a fool takes no pleasure in understanding a fool only wants to express his opinion. And one more is that a soft answer and a soft response turns away wrath. But when you speak harshly, it stirs up anger. I love these because it's a constant reminder that if we want to connect, and have healthy relationships, if we want to have healthy conversations, if we want to really seek connection with other people, then we do it by listening, instead of being quick to anger, which we see happening a lot on social media these days where they might read something filtered through their own lens, and it makes them angry, and so they respond out of their anger, which leads to more strife and more confusion, and more disconnection in our world. We need to do the exact opposite. We need to be quicker to ask questions and listen and to seek to understand and instead of getting angry immediately, we put that anger off and we become slow to anger. When I think of it, I think about How it's more of a decision, instead of a reaction, how anger could be more of, I'll think about it for a while, and I'll do everything I can to try not to be angry. And then at the end of it, once I have done my best to listen, then maybe I'll get angry. But that's a last resort. It's not going to be the first place I turned to offense is not going to be the first thing that I do. Anger is not going to be the first thing I do. Jealousy is not going to be what I've turned to first. The first thing I'm going to turn to, is seeking to understand, not seeking to speak, not seeking to become angry. But seeking to listen. I believe these five things can help us to change our conversations. And I know that they are not easy. And I know that they are not easy. They take constant practice, constant implementation, constant trial and error. You're not going to turn on This podcast and be able to do all five of these perfectly. You're always going to be working in becoming better and better at each of these things. But the first thing that we have to do in order to get to have these healthy conversations is to be aware of all of these things, and then begin implementing them. So here are my key pies takeaways from today's episode about changing the conversation. The first is, what are the conversations in your life that you need to change? What are the ones that you have been quick to be angry with and quick to speak in, but you have not actually sought to listen to the other person. My second question is, what are you going to do differently? Now that you know this, how are you actually going to implement change in the way that you're reacting to those things? They're hard questions. And they may have answers that you don't want to deal with right now. But that's even more reason that you should. My third key pies takeaway for this episode is to remember that you have the ability to be a light in the middle of darkness. When conversations are dark, when they are full of anger and hate and offense, you can change that. You may not be able to change the other person, or whoever else is speaking, but you can change the tone of a conversation by doing these things by seeking to listen and when you do it, not only do you begin to become a better person, and you begin to become more emotionally attractive in that, but you start a change in other people as well. Never discount the influence and impact that you are having on the people around you. Hey guys, I hope you enjoyed today's episode I would love to hear your feedback, so be sure to connect with me on Instagram at kimberlybeamholmes. And tell me what you thought about today's episode. You can also be sure to sign up for the five line Friday emails by going to piesuniversity.com scrolling down on that homepage and putting in your email address to get the five line Friday emails where you'll get five tips, five things that you can focus on to carry you through your weekend and into the next week. I hope you have an amazing week. Go change some conversations. Friends, I hope you enjoyed today's podcast. Remember to go and subscribe to this podcast and leave an honest review. I love to hear from you guys. So be sure to go in Do that, and it will also help more people find the podcast as well. You can always find out more information by going to it starts with attraction.com for show notes for updates, and to join the email list so that every Friday you can get an encouraging email that specifically tells you what you can do to work on your pies so that you can become the best that you can be physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually. Until next week, keep working on your pies and stay strong.