Man That Can with Lachlan Stuart
Welcome to Man That Can with Lachlan Stuart—the podcast dedicated to empowering men to break through barriers and achieve their full potential.
Hosted by Lachlan Stuart, this show dives deep into the challenges men face, offering actionable insights, real-life stories, and expert advice. Whether you're focused on fitness, business, personal growth, or fatherhood, you'll find inspiration and tools here to help you rise above any challenge and become the man that can.
New episodes drop every Monday and Thursday. Tune in, get inspired, and start living the life you’ve always wanted.
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Man That Can with Lachlan Stuart
Be Loved For Who You Are, Rather Than For Who You're Not! #517
Who said being brutal and honest is bad? Not Shaun O'Gorman! We had an great chat about the crucial act of 'cutting the fluff.' We discussed the significance of being bold and emotionally brave, even if it ruffles a few feathers. After all, isn't it better to be loved for who you are, rather than for who you're not?
But we didn't stop at self-awareness, we ventured into the complex world of relationships - setting expectations, understanding risks, and navigating difficult conversations. Shaun stressed the importance of surrounding yourself with individuals who inspire you, who push you to be better every day. And remember, it's okay to have boundaries, it's okay to prioritize yourself.
Lastly, we dived deep into the transformative power of perspective. How it can help us overcome pain, tackle challenges, and understand the ripple effect of our actions. My anecdotes from Mount Isa and how I used pain as a motivator might just give you a fresh perspective on your own struggles. So, come join us on this journey of self-discovery and growth, as we learn to be brutally honest, fearlessly authentic, and passionately driven.
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Do Something Today To Be Better For Tomorrow
And people self-medicate with alcohol, drugs, porn, gambling, whatever, other people, friendships, whatever, because they're exactly right. People are afraid to do the work on them. So or they don't know they can even yeah, that's you know. Some people don't even know they can do that work.
Speaker 2:The man that Can Project podcast, a podcast empowering re-driven men to live more fulfilling lives. We are here to challenge your beliefs, redefine success and talk about the important stuff in a relatable way. Don't forget to subscribe and leave a review. My name's Lockheist Stuart. Let's get into it.
Speaker 3:Welcome to episode 517 of the man that Can Project podcast. I'm your host, lockheist Stuart, and this is actually going to be my last recorded episode in Australia. Look out what an episode it's going to be too. Look out, sean O'Gray, have you back on mate, good to see you, brother.
Speaker 1:This is.
Speaker 3:I was actually looking because we did one last year, so about 12 months ago, yep, and then prior to that it was about three and a half years, but we'd done a number beforehand and I was thinking about we've been catching up for coffees and you've been helping me out a bit, and you're helping me out, yeah, the last couple of weeks, yep, and I was like, what value can we hone in on? Because I always love having this topic and getting straight into it with people and for me it's like your no bullshit approach to things. Yeah, thanks, mate. For me it's exactly what I needed.
Speaker 3:You always have a good stand where I'm with me about certain things and cut the fluff, and at the time, I find it very uncomfortable to be faced with. However, what I really appreciate about the no bullshit approach is it just fast-track success, because you're not sitting there trying to think about how you can deliver what I need to hear without offending me. You're just like this is what it is. I try. You'll assume that you trust that I'm not going to get offended by it. You just pick it up and go. Why do you think it's important to cut the fluff?
Speaker 1:Mate, it's a. Really that last comment's really interesting, right, Because I still do get really concerned about offending people.
Speaker 3:Really.
Speaker 1:Yep, yeah, absolutely. But to me the thing about it is it's more important to me to have some emotional courage and deliver what I think is the right thing for you and it might not be, but to go. Hey, this is what I think. This is why I pointed out to you in a manner that I think for two things If you don't cut the fluff and you're full of shit, if you're just like, oh, don't upset anyone, will you be totally ineffective? I was just having a conversation with a friend of mine on the way over here runs his own business. He's next to command a special forces guy, and I said I want people to love me or hate me. I never want people to go. It's okay, because I think then you're ineffective for everyone. If someone hates you, then you're ineffective for them, but if people love you, you're extremely effective for them.
Speaker 3:How do you get comfortable with having people hate you? Because so many people fear, fear not fitting in and fear being disliked 53 years on the planet as a big part. You don't look a day over 25.
Speaker 1:Mate thanks, brother, I don't act a day over it Because what are you 32? So I think at your age it's a much bigger thing and I think that's just because so much of what I do is based around evolutionary biology right when essentially the stats are, when 98.8% the same DNA is chimpanzees. So we're slightly evolved monkeys. So when you're younger you want to belong to your tribe, you want to know who you are Like. You're in a different phase of life to me. For me in my 50s, at your age, mate, I was so worried about what people thought At my age. I'm like you know what. I've probably got 40 or 50 years left. You know 50 at best and I go. So I'm just going to give less fucks now because I've been through enough things, I've wasted enough time trying to keep other people happy and realize that just wasn't the answer, and it isn't the answer for anyone I wish we could.
Speaker 3:I feel like I am like an older person. Sure, I'm an older body Like I think I don't do what a lot of people my age are doing. Even last night, amy and I watching Amber Heard and Johnny Depp like fucking whatever they went through.
Speaker 3:I'm looking at Johnny Depp and this is all I'm thinking why this, this reality TV, is going on? I was like geez, johnny Depp looks old. And then his sister takes a stand and she looks like well old and I'm sitting there going. I remember watching him in Pirates of the Caribbean, where he looked extremely young. Geeze, life goes quick.
Speaker 3:And then I started thinking about how quick life going. What am I doing right now that I won't actually give a shit about in 10 years time? What am I doing right now that I'm all stressing over? That doesn't matter, that's all I think about. When I think about even just watching TV, I'm like shit, that person's age. It reminds me of our mortality.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, mate, and it's. I had a guy that I used to work in the cops with who's 59 and he fantastic human being, but never was a really big, overweight dude died the other day and I'm at that age now, or I'm 53. A lot of my contemporaries for my policing career were you are in the 50s or late 50s and I start to die and I'm like holy, like, when did that happen? Because to me it's. I still feel like I'm 30, right, but the thing for me is going. The irony is, I think at 32, you feel like you've got, you're running out of time. At 53, I'm like I've got all the time in the world, particularly when you get to the point.
Speaker 1:This sounds pretty macabre and pretty weird to say this early in our chat, but I'm just so comfortable with death now in the sense of I go, it's coming For you, for me, for freaking everyone listening to this and I honestly live my life and, as cliched as this sounds, my daughters, my partner, friends or everybody that matters to me, knows how much I love them.
Speaker 1:So if I walked out of here and had an aneurysm and died, I'm good, I don't fear that. So when you don't fear the end of it. Then I'm like, how can I squeeze every drop out of the next three weeks, or 30 years, or 50 years? Like my goals are 110. So I got 57 years left and people look at me and go, oh, I don't want to live that long. And I honestly look at them and I say to people like, well, if I was you, I'd want to be dead at fucking 80 because you're miserable. You know, like if you live in an epic life, I intend to be 80 years of age still going to the gym, still train and still look and fit.
Speaker 3:So what are those things that you do to prepare yourself if you were to live the?
Speaker 1:210?. There's six basics, what I call life basics. So I live my life by sleep, nutrition, training, meditation, journaling, mental rehab, podcast books, everything the stuff you talk about Exactly the same, Then it's moving, it's a lot of it. For me now is being very careful about who I spend my time with. I spend a huge percentage of my time with people who are a lot younger than me, Because I've got a young guy who's 25 that is trying to get into my old canine unit, the police. Him and I are trying together. Another guy, that SF dude. He's in the mid 30s. Because I find most people my age they're already giving up, Like most guys in their 50s are like oh, it's over, I'm just a fat, useless sack of shit.
Speaker 1:Yes, I'm sitting on the couch eating Doritos and getting chips, like getting dust all over me. Doritos dust on me while I watch some shit on TV Johnny Depp and Amber Heard. When I look at it, mate, I just think in its cliched whatever you believe is true is true.
Speaker 3:Your life happens for you or to you, and the environment impacts you, because if you are around people who say, oh man, my back's aching, I'm hurting, you start noticing that within yourself, absolutely. That's why it's very interesting that you say you start hanging out with younger people.
Speaker 3:I guess for the last decade I've been hanging out with people who are older than me who have what I want in certain areas, because I was very clear from 2014 that if I'm going to have my own business, I want to be able to be flexible and if I have children, I want to be able to be a present dad, but one who's also got it together emotionally and physically so I can be the role model that I want to be. And as a result of that, I say most people who were my age at that time weren't doing that and they didn't want that just yet, which is okay. So I go to the people who do want that, who do have that, which meant I had to build relationships with people who were older than me.
Speaker 1:For me, I'll go and talk to people who are 70, 75, so long as they're savages in the sense of so long as they're doing shit. They don't have to be the David Goggins running marathons and stuff like that, but they have got to be people who are doing significant things in their lives, particularly around impacting other people. For me personally, I own really good income in my business. I love it. The most exciting thing I've done in the last year is get a new dog, like I've got a Belgium Malamite, so you were just down at the park before, yeah yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:So she's a German shit, like a German Shepherd, they say. But it's like crossing a German Shepherd with a crocodile and putting it on crack Like she's insane. Her dad's an SAS combat assault dog and her mum's produced four police dogs. And I get that as a pet because I go. That'd be fucking great fun. Now, anybody with a brain in the head doesn't do that, but I go, but I don't. But I'm not like anybody. So I go to the park with a dog. It bites me. I'm having a ball because it keeps it's pushing my limits.
Speaker 1:I go to the gym, you know, and my training at 53, I've dialed it back from where, like when we first met, because I'm like, well, I'm not going to smash myself six days a week. Crossfit, that's not going to give me longevity. So I'm, you know, ice bath, saunas, all that stuff that we talk about often. But I'm like, how do I, how can I be as fit and able and active and driven as I am now at 70? Because I go at 70 times just going to drop away. There's going to be far less competition. And at 80, like at 70, I want to be the old dude, purely vanity and success driven, that takes your shirt off of the beach and people like holy shit, look at that, jack dolder. You know that motivates me 100%.
Speaker 3:That's where it comes back to getting clear on who you want to take or whose opinions you want to listen to, and what feedback you want to take. If, for example, you're talking to another seven year old who's morbidly obese, doesn't have a healthy relationship to save himself and they're trying to tell you how to live your life, it's like absolutely you can tell me all you want, but your opinion doesn't carry any weight.
Speaker 1:Like you've done personal training for years, right? If you're a fat personal trainer, no one should listen to you.
Speaker 3:No Wasted time Exactly, because it's not only what they tell you to do, but it's the small things that you can start to understand how they actually live their life, the decisions and choices that they make, how they think about things, the perspective that they view life through. That's where the goal is, because all you know, if we want to get a six pack ab, if we want to make a million dollars, if we want passionate relationships like the notebook, jump on fucking Google A little, tell you step by step how to do it, but what's missing is the stuff that I just mentioned. What decision would this person Execution, yeah, execution. Exactly how they respond to things. And that's where the environment becomes so important, surrounding yourself with who you want to become.
Speaker 1:Totally Well, you look at, there's nobody who nobody doesn't know how to lose weight and be healthy. There's not a person on the planet, not a person in the Western world that has a mobile phone, who doesn't know that you should eat good food, train, etc.
Speaker 3:Move more.
Speaker 1:Exactly, but obesity is one of the biggest challenges for us. So I look at it and think it's super simple. I just want to be around the people who exhibit the types of behaviours and the type of personality that I have. Even results, even these days, are less important to me. It's the attitudes and who the person is.
Speaker 3:Who you become in the process.
Speaker 1:Because you can apply that to whatever result. Like you're going to do your obstacle racing, right. I'm like, yeah, that's not my thing, but I go, that's epic, how good is that that Locky's going to do that? I get this psycho dog. You're like I want no part of that, but yeah, that's cool, I can take some lessons out of that. To go, yeah, I'll do shit that no one else does, whatever might be that thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's, and I think it's really easy when you get at my age. It's an analogy that I came up with years ago or sorry, probably a year ago, and I love analogies where I go to work out who you should keep in your life and who you should let go, and that's a huge thing for people. I think that's one of the biggest challenges. It's like if you're the jetty, you're the doc, and all the boats that are tied to the doc is like the people that you have in your life undo all the ropes and let the ones drift to drift and let the ones stay who stay. However that works. Since I've done that, I've never been happier.
Speaker 3:What about? For those who hear that and think what about if I'm putting effort into those relationships? So did you when you untied it, were you still investing in those relationships?
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely, because it can't be like a look at Rachel and I, for instance right, we've been together over 10 years. We've got a very non-traditional relationship in the sense of we're super independent, love it. She's amazing. She's about to leave for the States on Friday for four to six weeks and in that four to six weeks I'll be like oh, she's amazing, I'm so proud of her, but I might be oh, my God, I wish she was here, because I'm really comfortable in myself. We're in a different phase of life. Like I'm in my 50s, she's like 40s. So it's a different phase of life to where you and Amy are for instance.
Speaker 1:You guys are pretty independent.
Speaker 3:Yeah, we're very independent. One of the things that I love most about Amy is like how independent she is, because, as much as I love when she makes you know, I guess when you have these moments where you're softer for each other and it's like you make each other feel valued and needed, because you want that comfort and support, but then also when Amy's on the road doing her thing, she's so independent. I love that because I'm like fuck yeah, and it makes me want to be better, because I'm like, well, she's that independent.
Speaker 1:She could drop me like a fly if I become a piece of shit, so it's like I need to make sure that I have a certain standard to uphold, whereas a lot of people, as you said, sort of go well, it makes you live a lot yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm the same. I look at Rach and go, you know, you know I'm like she's a Saturday, she's 47, fit as hell, like killing it and work doing amazing things. And I look at her and go I better keep bringing my A game or she'll get sick of me and I go, and so she should, and vice versa. But the problem is mate. I think so many people, particularly family members or partners, people they're really close to we go oh well, I should spend time with X because they're my family or they're my whatever, and you go. Well, if you wouldn't like you and I as mates for probably 10 years or a good, a good period of time, and that would be fuck.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and our friendship, you know, goes in and out of how often we see each other, which is so totally cool.
Speaker 1:But you're like that's because I love what you do and I love the sort of person you are, and but the minute I was like, yeah, look, you know, if I was to say and I doubt it would- happen, but if I'm like, but if lock is off you know lock is a bit off, the reservation, doing this, doing that, you know, whatever then I'd be like, yeah, cool, I'm just not going to engage as much doesn't mean I cut that people off, but you actually, just when you start to see people and you will see them, and I certainly do now, more so than I used to. If somebody showed any Interesting me on my life before, I would give them a hundred percent immediately, yep, and it was an insecurity and lack of self-worth. Now I'm like cool, like I had a guy recently I meant, you know, probably six months ago, two months ago, through someone else. I was helping him out with some stuff, a couple of things he said he was going to do for me. He didn't.
Speaker 1:I was like, okay, so I was like I'll just pull back a bit, see what happens. And he's just drifted and I'm like cool. So that was not a bad dude, just a guy who was in the friendship with me because he saw a benefit or whatever that might be, and I go that's cool, I don't dislike him, sounds like me, but nothing like you. He's knowing he was good looking, as you are, of course, but I'm not going to stack my Like. I don't need a lot of people.
Speaker 3:I want quality people.
Speaker 3:Yep, well, that's it. You're not dependent on people, and I think that happens a lot in relationships or even Friendships. You become so dependent on them, their validation or them checking in on you, that you forget that you can do that yourself Absolutely. And the most important is that analogy around the the planes going down put on your oxygen mass first, like it makes sense, as I put your oxygen mass first on first. What does that look like for you as an individual every day? What are the things that you're fueling yourself so that you can be the best version of yourself, which allows you to be a great husband or partner, or Employee, employer, whatever role, whatever it is.
Speaker 3:It's like what do you need to do for you? And this is where I think as well. It's really important to Establish those boundaries and also talk about the expectations in relationships and make it in order to do that, because I know a lot of friendships as well where people are clean. You like fuck. You're not even intimate with this person like that. You're not building a life together. Your your friends, but you don't need to know their every mood or expect them to check in with you daily. That's totally from from how I?
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's weird but I say, okay, well, what do you need to do to make sure that you feel comfortable? That's where the work needs to go. But a lot of people don't want to experience that.
Speaker 1:I might make and people Self medicate with alcohol, drugs, porn, gambling, whatever other people, friendships, whatever, because there's exactly right, people are afraid to do the work on them so well, they don't know they can even. Yeah, that's is. You know, some people don't even know they can do that work. And you look at, he's a, I'll give you a my Process on something and having you just haven't got married, it's really interesting. On your take two years, yeah, wow, is it that long? Wow, I look at Marriages, for instance right, so what? 32? How old Jamie, 32 as well, oh, cool, yeah. So what do you reckon the statistical likelihood is of you and her making 50 years married?
Speaker 3:Like what I don't know, just generally, generally.
Speaker 1:What's how many marriages make 50 years?
Speaker 3:Oh, I would say 37%, 6%, 6%, 6% Make 50 years of marriage. Does that include together or that's from the moment marriage? I belated, I did not that deeply. 6%, right.
Speaker 1:Okay, so 94% of marriages don't make 50 years. Now Some people could die, blah, blah, blah. But I go, that's you know. I've looked at it a few times and gone because it doesn't seem right. You wanted to take a risk that makes you fail Totally right and out of most people, go into it. Oh my god, you're amazing. We get on great. There's no real conversation about long-term. Now, knowing you, I'm sure you guys had a very different approach, but I had a friend of mine Got married in the last sort of 12 months, who you know, and actually said to this person and their partner, their fiance, like it probably two years ago.
Speaker 1:I sat down with them there about your age and I said, hey, listen, if I was you, you know what I would do. I would sit down and I would negotiate our divorce, your divorce, before you get married and they will. And they were like Huh, and the guys who looked at me was like that makes sense. And the and the young woman who's awesome young woman. She was sort of like you can see, she was a bit offended by it.
Speaker 1:Hmm and she goes. I don't like that idea. I said, well, she goes, what takes all the romance out of it? I go you know what else takes romance out of it? Divorce, and. And she's like, yeah, and I said because if you can't sit down at the most loved up and happy, you should be have this and have a conversation to go Right, if we split, what's money look like, what's kids look like, what do we do?
Speaker 1:blah, blah, blah and work that out. Then and if it was me and I've had this chat with both my girls her 18 and 15 and I go, then you put that in a, in a legal document and give it to a lawyer like a will. Then if you get divorced, that's the basis of where your negotiation and conversation starts. Because if we're you and I getting married and we had that conversation, we came down that there was just fundamental differences in what we wanted. Then that's probably a good place to start going. Well, should we be getting married? You know now, I think that's very. I've never heard anyone else say that. I think that's pretty left of center. But I Go look at the stats of what happens. Most people are miserable. The biggest impact on us as a society is anxiety and depression. Marriage has followed a huge right. I go. We've got to start doing shit fucking differently because everyone's miserable.
Speaker 3:We can't succeed in things you don't think about and and make plans for. It's not possible. Yeah, literally a tumbleweed rolling down a dirt road hoping that.
Speaker 1:Great analogy. Yes so true.
Speaker 3:I think that's a great idea to have those conversations. One. It helps you get clear on what your expectations and your wants are, because if you can't even go into that conversation Because you don't know what you want, well then start there. What is it that you want from your life Absolutely, and where is your life partner fit in, and what needs to happen in order to achieve that?
Speaker 3:The most simple response would come back to get clear on that and then have that discussion with your partner and work out If there are compromises needing to happen or if you need to part ways, or if it's going to just be Exceptional and that's that, all compromise.
Speaker 1:On things. Never yourself, yeah, never compromise itself. So right now, when we first met like a long time now, 10 years, over 10 years ago now we had it the very one of the first conversations we had in a romantic sense was like she goes do you want more kids? I said no, absolutely not. And I said do you want kids? She goes no, I got cool. So we were we're in a good space, yeah, what?
Speaker 3:okay. So Couples who avoid that conversation because it's never really spoken about at what point should you be having those conversations for me now? I guess this probably goes back to phases of life.
Speaker 1:You wouldn't have 21. We go on. Hey, darling, you want to have kids?
Speaker 3:No, fuck mate, I just want to go out and have some fun, yeah, yeah but then like, maybe, as you can do your 30s that's when you you know if you're getting into a relationship it's a 30 plus. It's like that's probably a conversation you want to have earlier on. Would you agree 100%? And and as early as possible. Yeah and if it's, if you're on different pages and cut it cut it yeah it's savage mates.
Speaker 3:That's how people but people try to force and hope that, hey, if I love you enough and if this ends up being all change him or change her, or it's not gonna happen.
Speaker 1:chance mate, zero, chance You're setting yourself up for heartache.
Speaker 1:I was talking to my 15 year old daughter recently and she was like chatting to some guy, some young dude, and she's like you know, I just don't know what to do. Dad, blah, blah, blah, I get. Babe, what's your gut tell you? She goes, no, I go. There's your answer no, and she goes, oh, but I go. Hon, your 15, I go. What do you reckon the chance is how you'll end up married with a student, have kids? She goes, yet zero, I go. So relax, mate, you're having fun. It doesn't work, cut it.
Speaker 3:Why do we? What do you feel? We struggle with making decisions, fear.
Speaker 1:It's always fear fear of missing out, fear of the wrong thing, fear of losing something, fear of how I look, fear of being on my own is a huge one for people in relationships. I think, like you are like your audience, predominantly dudes, for you guys are listening. I go could you sit in a room for 30 minutes? No phone, no distraction, no anything. Sit a meter from a wall and look at the wall?
Speaker 3:Yeah, how many people do you reckon you can do that. I think a lot of people going yeah, I could do that you could do it. I think yeah, but I don't feel. I feel this is the thing people think they're capable of. So much more until they put them in self 100%. What's that, mike Tyson? I think it's easy to yeah.
Speaker 1:I can't remember that quote. Everybody's got a plan till they get a punch in the face. Yeah, it's that thing.
Speaker 1:If you try to do something like that, you'll get introduced to where you're really at, because if you see, think of the last time you sat for 30 minutes and did nothing Like no, didn't have a view to look at, didn't have a distraction, didn't have anything when, literally, if I was to go and sit and look at that white wall for 30 minutes, it would feel like three hours and every demon and every negative thought and everything that I've pushed down and tightened the lid on would start coming out. And that happens all the time. Man and people avoid that. We avoid discomfort. So it's the fear of something, but often the fear of discomfort, that has people not make decisions.
Speaker 3:Discomfort is something that we can dive into. It changed a bit of a segue, but I think, in today's society, I believe we're going soft. When I say soft, I mean in our ability to deal with adversity and challenges, our ability to discuss or have difficult conversations without lacking respect and looking for an outcome.
Speaker 3:I think, as a result of that, more mental health issues are on the rise Divorce or relationship breakdowns or splitting of friendships. I think a lot of health issues are coming from that as well, because we don't develop those skills Like, I guess, tying it back into this where this conversation started. One thing I love about the no bullshit approach is it tells me exactly where I'm at, which is uncomfortable from time to time. Sure, and I used to get upset by I still look, it's not nice, but I, rather than reacting and go fuck you, sean, what do you know? Sure, I'd go. Okay, I appreciate his opinion. I respect his feedback. What am I not seeing?
Speaker 1:And you also, I would hope, know that I care about you and I've got your best intention. So I'm saying it from a place of wanting to help you, not wanting to criticise you. Yeah, so you go, man, I think you're absolutely right. We avoid discomfort like the plague and there's a couple of things and it's a very white, 53 year old, middle aged man thing to say. But I go, we are now paying, we are now reaping the results of the eighth place trophy.
Speaker 3:Participation award.
Speaker 1:Participation. Participation awards. Last Friday I flew to Mount Isa for 23 hours to do two presentations for cops. I did it for free, flew up there for free because it is an extremely challenging environment. And I'm up there talking to him about the stuff that's going on, the crime. And I got a phone call from a guy this morning who's a guy from my old Canon unit, who's up there, young dude, 29, great young guy, and he's like oh bro, we had this job today and he ran me through it and I went to. It was absolutely horrific. I was like, oh man, and it's not an unusual experience.
Speaker 1:If that particular thing happened in freaking New Farm in Brisbane, the today show would be, his sunrise would be, it would be the biggest thing in the world. It was a DV murder. I haven't even seen it mentioned on the news. So you're up, I'm up there talking to these young cops. Like half of their police, half of the police station up there, is in their first year. A lot of them are like I only got two or three year service plus those people. So 50% are in their first year and the other probably 50% have got two or three year service.
Speaker 1:All these young people early twenties, mid twenties, just shoulder to shoulder doing some horrifically difficult work. And I'm up there going. This is hard yards, like it's, the houses aren't great where they live in, like everything you know. It's not poor Douglas, right, it's tough. And I'm looking at these. I was talking to a 23 year old young woman police officer and I was chatting to her and I said I said you will find that this will be an immensely positive thing for you, so long as you deal with the impact, because there's a huge amount of emotional impact from stress.
Speaker 1:It's just a really, really challenging stuff out there. I said, if you deal with that and empty the bucket of that, and I said, then this will make you such a better person because you actually know what it's like to do. Tough shit, you're seeing stuff that most people don't even know exists. So when you go into the world and other things happen, you're going to be like, yeah, big deal.
Speaker 3:There's a good point there. I was having a chat with a mate, so you know this gentleman as well, but he's back out in his hometown and he called me the other day. Two guys he you know, within five years, older and younger of him committed suicide in the last three weeks and he's called me like asking about the men's group and how we started the circles and all of that sort of stuff. And one of the challenging things about that is like a lot of people are needing to talk, needing to communicate, and everyone has issues For sure. The thing about building or gaining experiences and seeing the way the world works in other areas is you recognise that maybe your problems aren't as big as you think. And I don't want to take away from anyone's issue anyone's problems at all by this, but I just remember when we used to run them here in Brisbane and then I'd run them in other areas, I was just like man.
Speaker 3:I wish some of the people in this area could listen to this person for challenges, because, one, you're going to feel connected to people in another way. Two, you might be able to provide perspective or insight which then empowers you, makes you feel better. But there's and I'm always careful when I say someone's always got it worse. But I think that's one of the benefits and the beauties of meeting people in different situations, because it can really help put into perspective what we've got and hopefully, for a lot of people, shift their perspective in a way where it's like I'm grateful for the challenges that I do have.
Speaker 1:Well, man, you know my situation with my daughters right. For the last five years I haven't had much time with them. I've had huge difficulty with them. One of the things that popped in my head very early in that process and I love my girls more than anything is there is, and it first came in when my oldest daughter was on. My youngest daughter was seven and at the time it popped on my head. She's now 15 and I was like there is a dad somewhere, probably in Brisbane and a hospital holding his seven-year-old daughter's hand, is about to die from leukemia. He's not going to wake up tomorrow and he would give his left nut to have my fucking problems. Now. That doesn't make it less impactful on me, but what it allows me to do is get out of the that single-minded focus of being in it and sort of pull myself out of it, be able to look at it from a different angle and go Objectively. Almost 100% I can look at it objectively. Thanks, man, and go. You know what? This isn't the end of the world. I've got another 50 years with them. If I have a few years, if you years where I don't seem as much as I want, I'll be able to get there.
Speaker 1:But we get so Caught up in our world and I think, particularly these days, because we're at the best time in human history, you know, there's more money around than ever, health or like it's it's. We are as evolutionary as and as a species, we've never been in a better place in the Western world, particularly, but even globally. So I think that's a downside, because you look around and go. You know Instagram hashtag blessed all the bullshit where everybody pretends they're super happy. Then your problems seem ten times harder because you're like, shit, lockheed's living the dream while I've sucks. So the disparity in that seems huge. That's part of it.
Speaker 1:The other part of it is, mate. I just don't think like we've nerfed the world so, as with kids, don't grow up with Significant challenge and we're like, oh, I want them to be a free spirit and just explore who they are. I'm like, no, I want them to sit down and do what they're fucking told, because I'm training them to be a good human, a good adult. Yeah, and it's and it's not generational, mate. A lot of people my age and my dad would say about my generation go, oh, this, okay, it's not generation, it's societal. Everybody who's allowed to be offended and we encourage it, and nobody is supposed to take responsibility for their actions. It's always going to be someone else's fault.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm and my thing in my life and I said it briefly before I live by a few things, but one of them is life happens for me, not to me. So if a shit situation hits me, and they still do, I go. What can I learn out of this? What's the advantage? I was talking to a group of soldiers the other day and I and I said that thing, and this guy at the back goes oh yeah, but you know what, if you've got a really tough thing in your life, I said cool, what's your, what's your thing, man? He goes oh, I'm got a TBI and I've got a significantly reduced life expectancy. I said cool. I said I'm gonna say stuff to challenge you deliberately. I said I'm not trying to be an asshole, but just stick with me because I'm gonna use an extreme example. He goes yeah, cool, I go.
Speaker 1:How old are you guys? 45?, I said also. I said let's say you only had five years to live. He goes no, it's better than that. I go cool, let's say it's five, I go. You don't have to worry about retirement, you don't have to worry about getting old, you have to worry about your health. You can just live. You can live a life for the next five years, live in the dream and then die at 50 and be good. I go. There's a silver lining. He goes holy shit, that's true. Now, that's an extreme way to think of it.
Speaker 1:If I got diagnosed with cancer and I had six months to live, I probably wouldn't be as upbeat about it. But that would be my intention. I go. You know what. That is what it is. If I get diagnosed with cancer, I'm gonna be dead in six months. I'm not gonna give a fuck about, you know, somebody who doesn't return my phone call or some other bullshit, or some idiot in his mum's basement arguing on my social media post. You know so, and I think we just need to get a little bit more perspective for ourselves to go.
Speaker 1:You know what? Life's pretty fucking amazing actually, and the problem I'm in now and again not detracting from people who commit suicide it breaks my heart. I've been there, you know like that we haven't touched on my background, but people can find that. You know, I went through PTSD, depression, battle, suicide out of my police career for years, so I know what that's like. But you don't want your life to end. You want the pain to stop. A good way to have pain. To stop is get a different perspective on it, and that, to me, is so simple. But at your and I was 32. Ironically, at your age I was gonna I had a glock on my hand gonna blow my head off 53. I'm like fuck, I've never been happier. Why is that? Because I do the work.
Speaker 3:That's the difference, right, and it's interesting when you share that story as well. I had Kevin Hines on the podcast and I've never listened to that. He jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge. Yes, exact same story, like his obviously a mental health and suicide Prevention activist and he's like the moment that my hands left the railing, I knew that I didn't want to die. I just wanted the pain to stop. Exactly what you said overwhelmingly the stats.
Speaker 3:I know about people who survived, so and it's once again, and I've been not where I wanted to take my life, but I was at the point where I didn't care if I woke up or not.
Speaker 1:So still at this point of sadness, very similar thing.
Speaker 3:Yeah, not, not very happy. And In in a mind where I'm not emotionally charged or I'm not emotionally sad, it's like it's easy to say that yeah totally. I also understand the flip side, where it's like you don't care because you all you're worried about and this is where we think About pain and pleasure.
Speaker 3:Right, there are two things that motivate the human to do things, and quite often we want the nice things. Someone walks past us on the beach and go fuck their jacked. I want to hit the gym on Monday, I'm gonna, I want that hundred percent. And then we realize how hard is my life, too hard to get out of bed early. I don't want to lift that heavy weight, I don't want to exert myself.
Speaker 1:So Next, next year, and I would actually challenge your monthly. I don't think we are driven by pleasure, I think it's all pain, aversion.
Speaker 3:Oh no, I Didn't get to wrap around sorry man. But yeah, the pain and is what I said. The pleasure is what people think they want. But it's my psychologist and, once again, everyone. It's their own. This is just what works for me. But my psychologist has said to me a number of times that I need to change my relationship with that because I use a lot Of pain to motivate me. Still, it's everything that I do is out of the fear of not being good.
Speaker 3:You know, we speak about that but there's a difference between the you know these fears and these pains and not doing anything about it and not using it to do something good or To take it on board and go All right, I don't feel good enough, I don't feel strong enough, I don't feel well enough, let's fucking work. That's where the place where I come from, I do want a lot of things, a lot of pleasures and stuff, for sure, everything. The reason why I get up still at four o'clock, even when I don't have to, when I record all the, all the stuff that I do that's hard, is coming out of a pace of trying to get away from pain, and that pain is going to keep coming with me Because I choose to bring it and even if the pain is something simple, like I've done 2750 podcast episodes right every day for the last freaking X amount of years and I looked up today Rachel's talking to a client has in the states.
Speaker 3:That's insane, by the way, I'm speaking.
Speaker 1:Yeah, thanks, man, and, and he actually she goes. Oh, he looked up your podcast on some. This keynotes. It's called no listener notes and it's in the top one and a half percent of podcasts in the world. I was like what? And I looked, yours is in the top 2%. I looked it up.
Speaker 1:I wasn't gonna tell you if you beat me, joking, obviously, but I looked up before I came in so I could tell you and I'm like there's three million. There are 3.17 million podcasts in the world. Yeah, you want yours a minor in the top 2%. I'm like holy shit.
Speaker 3:So normally I'm a 1% or in life.
Speaker 1:So yeah, what exactly makes me angry but so you look at it and go, so we're in the top 50,000 Podcasts or something roughly, was something like that number? No, go, that's still a shitload, right? So I'm probably not gonna consider myself Joe Rogan just yet, but I look at that and go like that's been. You know, whatever it is. Seven years or six years I'm me doing a podcast every freaking day. Now, that's just part of who I am now, and every now and again I'll go. No, I'm not gonna, I'm gonna ditch it. I do it in the car, it's easy, it takes no time for me to do like I think I'm wasting my time. People probably think it shit, fuck, there's 2700, they can get with that. No, blah, blah, blah.
Speaker 1:And then this week I've had two conversations with people who said, hey, fact, man, I was gonna. One guy's in a really bad place, not a cop at similar sort of job, and he goes. Man, I went through some really tough stuff last year. He'd see me speak and he goes. I'll listen to your podcast and fuck a, drag me out. Someone else, a Friend of a friend, their friend. They put him on to the podcast. So it's three people removed from me. I've never even met this person, yep, and they Gave it to them two months ago. And then the third remove came back to the second removed and they said, hey, just letting you know I was gonna kill myself. And then you gave me that podcast and I didn't. And I'm like, holy shit, well, the pain in me doing ten minutes a day for 2700 episodes, I better keep fucking doing it, because if one person, you know and that sounds super melodramatic, but I go if that person actually didn't kill themselves because I listen to what I said on my podcast, then it's worth 2700 fucking episodes.
Speaker 1:That's painful. You know the pain for me of whenever I present to people. I'll say you know, the reason that I'm fit and healthy and I train hard is because if I was a fat sack of shit with Donut dust on my shirt, you wouldn't listen to me. It's the pain of me being Less effective with people that drives me to be better. Yeah, you know it's vanity, but it's not the vanity of I want to look good. It's a vanity of not wanting to look like a sack of shit. Yeah, you know it's. That's what I think.
Speaker 1:Pain is a really good motivator and we avoid it and we Even if you look at it like pharmaceutical. I heard Joe Rogan talks about me the other day and he was saying he goes. It's weird, you know, nobody. Nobody wants pain anymore. The minute we get pain in a Western medicine society, we're like I hear you go, he's a pill. Well, okay, what if you just embraced it? You know what if you embrace the pain and that builds some resilience and it built some. You know, if you don't try to the point where you're in pain in the gym that you don't get, your muscle doesn't tear and it doesn't grow.
Speaker 3:You know, whatever the thing is, the seeking pain thing I'm a big advocate of and, like David Goggins says it to the extreme. There's many ways you can do it. Obviously physically sorry, or you can do it in mentally as well, or you know, having a tough conversation can be fucking painful Emotional in that, yeah, being vulnerable.
Speaker 3:That you're putting off, that you know you should be doing, that you're not, and I think the beautiful thing about doing it in a way that you're in control. So, for example, last year I did the 30 marathons in 30 days. We did the 12 hour walk, things that were uncomfortable at many moments where you want to quit, but I controlled the variables. I could quit if I wanted to, whereas what it prepped me it taught me a lot about myself, my mind, preparation, having a good team around you all the things we all talk about in order to be successful and have a great life. But what it has now given me is that insight for if shit happens, if adversity comes my way and it's out of my control I've been in a similar situation before, so now I will go.
Speaker 3:If I'm an adversity, right, who's my support network? What is my mind going to try and do to check me out here? How can I best prep for this? It's going back to that same framework and a lot of people get anxious and overwhelmed and they melt down in these situations because they aren't training for it. And I think it's so fucking important because there's one thing there's a couple of things that are certain in life, but adversity is coming your way, especially if you want to live a great life because you're going to have to grow on part of growth.
Speaker 1:And that comes back to that evolutionary biology, right when I come back to. If you haven't prepared for pain, then your monkey brain, which is something like chimpanzees, are 500% more violent than humans.
Speaker 3:So that part of your brain is 5% more violent. Have you watched that chimpanzee Epic? It's us. How well are you?
Speaker 1:It's just us, mate, right? I watch that and I go. There is a fucking monkey in my brain that's 500% more violent than me, my rational brain, faster, stronger. So I have got to be on my ball like on the game and on the ball if I'm going to keep that under control. Talk about that pup, my Belgian Malinois blaze Her name is. I got a female one because the breeder said to me if I give you a male one, like no one, I got it because I know the duty, but I only give it to people who've got previous, you know, military police experience. He goes I don't want to give you a male dog because it will try to kill you and no one else will be able to handle it or touch it. And I'm like, yeah, that doesn't probably make a lot of sense for my pet dog, right? So because I'm going to use her for keynotes and workshops and stuff, for exactly this point where I'll have her so epically trained. Glad you didn't bring her here. She's in the car.
Speaker 3:She's in the car. I'm sure that's the airflare. No, no, she's sweet. She's good.
Speaker 1:I'm giving her some adversity, so when? But this part, she's so good. She's only 11 months old but she's going to be this amazing dog already is. But if I didn't train her she would be a nightmare. I had her out in the backyard for like 45 minutes while sitting on the back deck doing work and she pulled the branch off the tree, chewed it up, tried to get like she's a savage. She'll destroy everything.
Speaker 1:That part of your brain, that fear driven monkey mind part of your brain, is exactly the fucking same. If you don't train it it is going to cause mayhem and destruction in your life. Alcohol, drugs, all the stuff we've talked to it before anxiety, fear, self doubt, all the stuff that will push that monkey to the point to go. I'm in so much pain that I need this to end and suicide is the answer, or whatever is the answer, and honestly go like meditation, sleep, training, all the stuff we talk about. It's simply the stuff that helps you train that monkey so you can put it in the cage when you're not using it, like she's in the back of my. I've got a twin cab, amarok Ute, and I've put a full cage system in the back like an old like a dog squad van, like a moron, because I go, I take it with me everywhere.
Speaker 1:Now if, if I was like, oh lucky, I'll just let her run around the house while we're doing this podcast, she would have torn the lounge up, killed your cat and be you know, run and jumped out of the first floor window by now. And that party of brain is exactly the same. That monkey is a savage and it's violent. So it's going to attack you a lot harder than that positive voice and you go oh no, I'm a good person. And the monkey's like fuck you. No, you're not, and that's you. You and I both have control of that because we work really hard at that.
Speaker 3:But most people don't. It's a good, good example of that, that's for sure. It's always work. And then back to the ripple effect you mentioned as a result of doing the 2700 episodes. Your friend of a friend of a friend passed it on. Yeah, it's like that's what I think is so incredible to think about. Where you may be in your life right now, we're always trying to one up the generation before us. And I think we get to learn from their experience.
Speaker 1:It's called evolution, yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, Called evolution, and I always think about okay, well, what ripple effect am I going to have? Obviously, you know the drop in the pebble in the ocean, that first ripple is my immediate circle, the people that I spend time with the waves of the ripple, of people who listen to the podcast or who share the podcast.
Speaker 1:What did you say? This is 500 and something 517.
Speaker 3:Amazing. A lot of episodes. Epic, yeah, trying to catch you. But it's now a resource that, because I've upskilled myself, I get to interview people like yourself and other people who are doing great things or have insights and perspectives. You can pass that on as a tool. The person who's receiving it now gets to listen to it and hopefully it has that or it flicks a light bulb for them or the switch and they go.
Speaker 3:Oh wow, that's the one thing I needed to hear that I now am ready to take action and to do something different, and I encourage anyone who's listening to think about we're all leaving a ripple, is it a positive one or is it a negative one?
Speaker 3:Awesome Locky, up until 24, wasn't leaving the best ripple Post 24, leaving an epic ripple. And I'm still very mindful of what that's going to continue to look like as I get older, because how many people do you see who crush it for a couple of years and come undone? Oh yeah, we see athletes, actors, celebrities, all that sort of stuff because they don't work to deal with the pressure, the pressure of expectation of self, the pressure of expectation of others. And the more successful you become and I believe a lot of people who are listening to this are listening because they want to be better so the more successful you become, regardless of what that is in comparatively compared to you or I or anyone else from where you've been, there's going to be more pressures and you're always going to think you're going to have to chase something that, as we established at the beginning, doesn't really matter and there's a great, I'm a king of stats and 100% of them I've made up.
Speaker 1:So, you go like. There's some sort of stat around lottery winners that they go within two years, 87% of lottery winners are bankrupt or in a worse position than they were when before they won. And I heard one the other day. Someone else told me that 36% of lottery winners suicide. So I haven't checked that. So full disclosure. I don't know if that's true. A friend of mine told me that it goes 100%. It is so you go with. 87% of people end up in a worse financial position when they thought the money would be the answer, and then 36% of people who win multiple millions of dollars suicide. Why is that? And I go my backyard bro science hypothesis is because that magnifies the insecurities and dramas and lack of self-worth or whatever they have. Because when you've got 10 million bucks, if you've got a thousand bucks you can fuck up a little bit. You've got 10 million, you can make a massive fuck up I was actually talking about.
Speaker 3:I did a presentation for loan market before and I was talking about that exact same thing. So my contract when I played overseas right, you get paid. You live in overseas as a 21 year old bloke like, yeah, this is the duck's house.
Speaker 3:I'm absolutely killing it, and I always thought that achieving that one thing would solve every issue in my life, meaning my relationships would be world-class, people would want to be me, finances would be sorted. But what I've since learned and I wish I knew this back then was relationships. There's many skill sets right negotiation, conflict resolution, communication, da da, da, da da same. With money right, you can earn a lot of money, but you can also spend a lot.
Speaker 3:So, how do you manage your money? What do you do? All of that sort of stuff, and what I wish I knew back then was okay, like yeah, you're succeeding here, but you also need to be learning to succeed in these other areas, because, as a whole, that's what's going to give you the life that you want, not just the thing that you think it is, and people who are listening to this right now are chasing that in their careers. They might be chasing it by being a yes man and trying to be a people pleaser in their relationships and it's like dude, you suck everywhere.
Speaker 1:Well, mate, the classic, I call it the. Once I get that, I'll be happy. And. I've had 7 million of those. I remember vividly one of the things I wanted a number of years ago now when I was in my corporate career. I go once I get a Range Rover Sport, I'll be happy. And I'm like I'm not a fucking Range Rover Sport guy. Like who are you kidding? Like that's just not who I am. You're a Dodge Ram kind of guy. I'm like I'm not a Dodge.
Speaker 1:Ram. I have a small enough penis to get a Dodge Ram, but when you go, so for me, like I've got a five year old Amarok Twin Cab Amarok truck that I bought recently and I'm like I love this car and I could have bought a brand new one. I'm like cars couldn't give a shit, clothes couldn't give a shit, houses as long as, like, we live in a really nice house, but it's not. You know, I'm not like, hey, I've got this great house, come and see it. Like hardly anyone comes in. It is honestly in as cliche as it sounds, particularly for guys your age or younger, like 20s, 30s but there's plenty of my age still chasing the dragon. I'm like nothing external makes you happy and honestly believe that, not partners, not whatever, because if you don't love the person you are, then all that thing ends up being is something to chase to distract yourself.
Speaker 1:And then you get it, then you got to chase something else, then it's a new thing. So, and that is obviously a massive challenge, but you know, fuck it, the end of the day you got to be happy and you know, or everything falls apart. Yeah, right.
Speaker 3:Very, very simple. Sean O'Gorman, everyone, where can people find you? You've got 2700 podcast episodes. You've got the website. Link is up.
Speaker 1:The Strong Life Project. If you Google that, you'll find me.
Speaker 3:If you're looking YouTube as well, you can look at his shirt. It's all spelt there. Yeah, it's all spelt there. Thank you for being my last podcast in Australia for a while. It's been an absolute pleasure. We've covered some hard-hitting convotes and if any of the stuff obviously we've spoke about suicide got people, make sure you reach out to professionals, yeah go to Lifeline, go to whoever.
Speaker 1:If anyone wants to talk to me and wants my help, go to Insta to the Strong Life Project. Shoot me an Insta message happy to chat. Yeah, awesome.
Speaker 3:Thank you and remember like, share, subscribe, do all the fun stuff 100%, hit, follow so you never miss an episode. Thank you for listening in, thanks.
