How To Make Friends When You're Over 30. #518

Ever felt drained while trying to make new friends, especially in a brand-new city? It's time to change that! I'm Lachie Stuart, and on this episode of The Man That Can Project Podcast, I share my personal journey of moving to Nashville and making meaningful connections in under three weeks. I'll show you how you can do the same while preserving your energy as an introvert.

Navigating the social landscape at work can be tricky. Let's discuss how genuine work relationships can make not only your professional life healthier but also enrich your personal life. 

Also, we'll explore how to use social media and your existing network smartly to expand your circle. And finally, I'll share some practical tips to keep the process of building new relationships less overwhelming. 

So, whether you're an introvert looking to enhance your social circle or someone seeking a healthier work environment, tune in and let's build together!

Chapters

• 0:03 Making Friends as an Introverted Adult
• 12:54 Building Genuine Connections at Work
• 16:57 Episode Wrap-Up and Call to Action

Transcript

Lachlan Stuart: 0:03

The Man That Can Project Podcast, a podcast empowering career driven men to live more fulfilling lives. We are here to challenge your beliefs, redefine success and talk about the important stuff in a relatable way. Don't forget to subscribe and leave a review. My name's Lachie Stuart. Let's get into it.

Lachlan Stuart: 0:24

How to make friends when you're over 30. Welcome back to . I'm your host, Lachlan Stuart, and this is my first solo episode for a number of months and I'm excited to get back into doing them now that I'm allocating more time to brush up on my education and to give more direct content to those of you who are messaging me about things that I know many others will get value from. So if you're over 30 and if you're introverted, you're going to get so much value from this, especially if you wanted to make some new friends Now. I've just moved to the other side of the world, from Brisbane, australia, to Nashville, tennessee, and one of the things that I wanted to do was document and share my experiences of building a new network of friends, having left that all behind. Now I will share that I've moved over with my wife and her band and my other extended family members, so there is that support group there. However, I'm actively going out to find life-minded friends, to just continue building my network and to build that connection, because one thing that I think we can all agree upon is that when you feel like you've got your crew, you have those moments where you're like do we just become mates? There's no better place to be to know they're known. You can pick up the phone and check in on mates, go hang out and do some activities with them.

Lachlan Stuart: 1:51

So we're going to dive in today and three key things that we're going to cover. Number one how introverts are making great friendships without the overwhelm, because I'm personally an introvert. Secondly, why modern men are making the most meaningful friendships with limited time. Hands up, if you struggle with time management, this is going to be game changing for you, and if you stay until the end which now this will be a very short episode is why other men are actually looking for new friends and why they could be at work. There is this misconception that you can't be friends with your work colleagues, or it sort of blurs the line. So we're going to discuss that, and then I'm also going to finish with how I've made some new great friends in Nashville in under three weeks as well. So let's get into it. First one how introverts are making great friends without the overwhelm.

Lachlan Stuart: 2:44

Well, that's it for today, and see you all soon in this next video.

Lachlan Stuart: 2:46

I'm an extremely introverted person and I wouldn't say I'm outgoing, so I believed for a long period of time that it was going to be hard for me to make friends. I thought, if I'm not outgoing, how am I going to meet these people? It's so draining having to put myself out there, and when I first got into business back in 2014, it was actually network marketing, so I guess the title gives it away networking. I had to meet new people to make business and I would find myself extremely fatigued because I was talking about and trying to find out so much information about other people, but I never really, you know, was, I guess, talking to people that I felt aligned with or really just had a great connection with. I was purely doing it from the basis of I need you to buy my product, and I understand that some people need to be there, but we're talking about friendship. So, as someone who's introverted, someone who's not outgoing, I understood that I could be outgoing if I needed to, if there was a desired outcome. It was a limiting belief that I had, but I also had to understand that I needed to manage my energy, because when you're doing something that's not comfortable. You burn through energy, absolutely burn through it. So how I, I guess, worked out how I could start making great friendships as an over, as an intro, without feeling overwhelmed by so many moving parts, was I worked out where the people that I wanted to hang out with were actually hanging out. So, rather than you know, I guess pre 30s and I think when you're over 30, you've definitely got an advantage here because you know more about what you want. Right, you've spent the last 30 years making friends and trying to fit in with other people, people that you don't necessarily even have any interest in. But you just know, for me, I wanted to hang out with popular kids, and now I'm really clear on who I am as a man, what I want my life to look like and the people that bring me value and also make me feel value. Right, that's what I believe is key to a great relationship. So I recognize that, hey, this is what I want.

Lachlan Stuart: 4:52

You know I love exercising, I love being outdoorsy, I love going on adventures, I love talking about business, I love talking about entrepreneurship, I love hanging around with people who value the other people in their life. You know they don't belittle people and they want to help you grow. That to me, is like the people that I want to hang out with. So when I broke that down, I was like, where do those ambitious, driven, caring, kind people hang out? And, honestly, everywhere is the blanket answer. But the ones that I guess tick more than one of those boxes. So I'm looking.

Lachlan Stuart: 5:27

You know, for example, when I moved to Nashville, I was like, ok, first things first Need to make some fitness friends. I want to find someone we can train with, finding a gym, all of that sort of stuff. So I jumped straight on the hashtag national fitness and I just started going through the hashtag and checking out people's profiles and seeing you know, people write posts and seeing what kind of training they do, seeing what happens in that you know if they share bits of their personal life, what they get up to, and I was like, cool, that person looks like someone I would want to hang out with and I just dropped him a message. Some responded, some didn't, but the ones that responded I was able to go hit a gym session with them. Some of them I've become mates with. Others I haven't, but because we had similar interests, we have now developed a great mate and one of them's names, justin, his name's Justin, and we hit it off really well. It was one of those conversations where you're like, did we just become best mates? And because we had common interests, he runs his own gym. He was an aspiring athlete. He still trains like an athlete. We had a lot in common so it didn't feel like I was exhausting a heap of energy to build that relationship.

Lachlan Stuart: 6:39

So if you do get overwhelmed by building friendships, don't go to the craziest, busiest place and for some reason people think the best place, the network is at a pub. Man, when you've got background noise and you've got everyone else's conversations impeding on yours, it's very overwhelming. So think about the environment and the location that you wanna be and also think about what kind of people energize you, because they're the people that you wanna go directly for, especially now that we do have, I guess, social avenues where you can, I guess, find your people right. You don't have to just sort of go out to events and hope that those people are there, although that is a good thing to do as you build up your confidence and build up your network. But what I've experienced is when I meet one like-minded person, they're generally gonna introduce you to some other ones. So that's how, as an introvert, I started making some great friendships without feeling overwhelmed.

Lachlan Stuart: 7:35

Let's go to number two, why modern men are making the most meaningful friendships with limited time. In our Academy, many of the blokes struggle with time. I struggle with time from time to time, so I know that it requires effort and it requires energy to develop a friendship right. Sometimes you have to go, travel to each other. You might even have to take phone calls. That is taking away. Or you could consider investing time into something that you may be sacrificing time elsewhere, meaning if I'm developing new friends, I'm sacrificing time for my business, I'm sacrificing time for my wife and I'm sacrificing time where I could be calling my friends back home.

Lachlan Stuart: 8:24

However, when you believe that you're hanging around or they're gonna be meaningful friendships, it's time invested and there's this misconception that the more time you have, the better it's gonna be. I don't know why. I don't know where that's come from. I think maybe for me there was things that I enjoyed and you have those moments or those thoughts to yourself like I wish this would never end. So I think, because we have that thought, we think that man.

Lachlan Stuart: 8:53

A relationship can't be meaningful unless I give a lot of time to it. And what I have learned from the relationships that I have. Some of my closest mates have families, have businesses, and so they have a lot going on in their own life, much like I have a lot going on in mine. So we don't get to spend hours and hours and hours together each week, but we do get to spend time and the time that we do spend is extremely meaningful because there's a lot of intent behind it. Now, if we're catching up for a dinner, I know how I wanna make my mates feel. I know what I wanna. You know questions. I wanna ask them and find out because I'm invested in their life, much like they are with me. So when you're thinking about, I guess, new friendships and think I don't have time for that, or don't let time be a reason why you don't go out there and start developing friendships, just think well, what am I actually looking for and what do I have to give? Because that's what relationships are built on, right, it's this reciprocal giving and receiving relationship. And you know, I'm guaranteeing you, if you've been to a networking event, you would have definitely had a conversation with someone and I've mentioned this a couple of times in this podcast already where you're talking to them for maybe five or 10 minutes and you go that guy could be my best mate 100%, and the story I have with that.

Lachlan Stuart: 10:10

When I was an Uber driver a number of years ago, I was driving this gentleman. I had a 30 minute trip because his car had broken down, so I was driving him out there and we hit it off. You know, he was a footy player and we were chatting this whole way and having plenty of banter and laughs and had a lot of things in common and the cool thing was, when I was about to drop this individual off, he goes dude, I've never done this and this is gonna sound really weird, but can I grab your number? I'd love to go for a coffee and just catch up again. We had a great conversation and I was like it's weird that we think that is weird.

Lachlan Stuart: 10:46

However, yeah, definitely, and that dude was one of my groomsmen and was meant to be a groomsman. He was locked down with COVID at my wedding and he's one of my closest mates now and because of that we didn't have heaps of time together, but we connected so quickly that I was like man. Let's see where this friendship goes. And it's obviously been going on for years. And I guess one of those other things that springs to mind around that is, I don't see all my mates regularly. There's some mates that live back where I grew up and when I do catch up it's like we've never spent a moment apart and that in itself, when I was thinking about it, I was like man if I didn't see my mates all the time. But when I do catch up with them it feels like we've never left.

Lachlan Stuart: 11:30

It doesn't mean you have to spend a heap of time together. You can have amazing friendships in limited time. So that was mind blowing for me. The other thing where I'm fortunate is I got my wife involved. You know, we have a lot of mutual friends. We also have independent friends where we get to spend a lot of time together and a part which I think is important for the relationships. But my wife also knows how important it is for me to get time with my mates. So you know, and that's reciprocated, because a lot of people as we get older you know, especially over 30, you've got mortgages in the thick of your career, you're having family. So your time is very scarce and so it may be hard for you to dial in to go for a beer with a mate or go for a rum with a mate, but it's definitely one of those things that's gonna be extremely, extremely important.

Lachlan Stuart: 12:22

I'm just having a look to make sure I've covered everything here. Yeah, I'm pretty happy with that. I'm pretty happy with that, indeed. So let's go into number three and, as you're listening along, if you're taking notes or want to, I guess, give me different thoughts or feedback, send me a message on Instagram, or I have actually just started a supporter group, which you can see the link in the comments, which is going to help me get another team member on board to edit this and definitely help me make the podcast bigger and better. So if you'd love to support the show, you can check that out there.

Lachlan Stuart: 12:54

But number three men are looking for friends and they could be right at work, people right at work, colleagues off. I did it for such a long time. You know I have so many great mates that I've worked with over the years when I was working at Functionwell, a great gym in Brisbane. Obviously we're all trainers because we have this passion for fitness. We have this passion for not only our own health but making people healthier, because we understand the benefits of that. Right and for whatever reason, I was like you can't mix work and play. It just doesn't work. But as I've gotten older I realized I haven't had to, because who I am at work is exactly who I am at home. I'm not wearing a mask anymore and I know a lot of people still do, which is why you know I'm not discussed on this podcast. But it is really important to make sure that you are showing up genuinely and authentically in all areas of your life so that you can have work colleagues as mates and you know you can introduce your mates to your work, essentially because there's commonality there and you spend so much time at work, so why wouldn't you want to have friends at work? It just makes sense. It makes a healthy work environment. It makes life better.

Lachlan Stuart: 14:04

I was this is a little bit off topic we had a new band member play for Shepherd the other night here in Nashville and when we came back here we were just having a few beers and I thought, hey, let's all play a song from a time in our life and share a story that's attached to that song, and one of the crazy moments that I had and this has only just come back to mind now was that everyone spoke about connection. It was like a relationship breakdown or a new friends coming to their life or a family member's passed away. No one told a story about wealth or about status, and that, to me in that moment, just highlighted why connection is so important. Regardless of whether you're introverted, you're outgoing or you're not, whether you're friends, are at work or wherever they come from, all of us just want connection. We all wanna feel like we're a part of something bigger than ourselves, when we belong to something, and if you get that from work, if you get that from work colleagues, awesome, lean into that you can build friendships. And obviously, as a business owner myself, you understand there needs to be boundaries and expectations set around making sure you get your work done and the friendship, of course. But there's no reason why you should just cut that off just because, hey, no, you're a work dude, you're not gonna add any value to my personal life. I think that's a bit of BS.

Lachlan Stuart: 15:29

So quick little rundown on how I've made friends. I guess my process quickly here in the US. As I mentioned earlier, the first thing I did was start searching hashtags on socials and messaged a few people, as I mentioned. Some people wrote back, some didn't. I then started reaching out to people in my network to see if they had people they could connect with in the US, which has also happened. It's been extremely beneficial. And then, once again, we've got a gym here, so joined a local gym looking for a run club where I can just meet some more like-minded people.

Lachlan Stuart: 16:03

It doesn't have to be complicated. Where you can get better at that is you can start when you start communicating with people. It's how do you start that conversation? Something I learned the other day that I was like man, I'm definitely gonna share this was when you introduce yourself to someone Rather than just going. You know, the basic question could be hey, lucky, I'm from Brisbane, just moved to Nashville full stop.

Lachlan Stuart: 16:28

If someone asked me you know why I've moved here, I could say I have just moved here From Brisbane, which is one of the sunniest places, has some of the best running spots available and, you know, on the weekends I love to go on good hike. So I'm giving them a little bit more about myself so that when they return, serve with another question or the conversation takes another direction. I've learned that I like hiking, that learned that I love the warm climate. That makes sense. So if you can go that little bit further, it's a lot easier to build rapport.

Lachlan Stuart: 16:57

That's the wrap up of this episode. I hope you got value from it and if you would like more or some specific topics where I can share some stories of my own experiences or things that I've learned, make sure you shoot me a message on Instagram or you can comment below this episode. If you're listening on Spotify or watching on YouTube and I'll do my best to get some Episodes out on that, because I'm definitely back in the groove now that I'm in the US of Weekly solo episodes as well and if you want to support me and help get us out, please share it on your socials, rate and review and subscribe on whatever platform you're listening to. Till next time. I'm lucky, stuart. Thank you for listening you.