Man That Can with Lachlan Stuart
Welcome to Man That Can with Lachlan Stuart—the podcast dedicated to empowering men to break through barriers and achieve their full potential.
Hosted by Lachlan Stuart, this show dives deep into the challenges men face, offering actionable insights, real-life stories, and expert advice. Whether you're focused on fitness, business, personal growth, or fatherhood, you'll find inspiration and tools here to help you rise above any challenge and become the man that can.
New episodes drop every Monday and Thursday. Tune in, get inspired, and start living the life you’ve always wanted.
Join us in the Strong Men of Value Academy
https://www.themanthatcanproject.com/strong-men-of-value
Follow Me:
https://www.instagram.com/lachlanstuart/
www.youtube.com/@lachlanstuart91
Support the show:
https://www.buzzsprout.com/997123/supporters/new
Man That Can with Lachlan Stuart
Why Healthier Men Are Better Men with Joel Gandara #521
Imagine if you could truly live a vibrant, energetic life - not just surviving, but thriving. What if the key to that life was not just in how you spend your money, but in how you spend your time, and most importantly, how you take care of your body? Join our heartfelt discussion, as we navigate the often overlooked significance of health and fitness, especially as we age.
As a jujitsu enthusiast, runner, and weightlifter, I offer a glimpse into my personal fitness regimen, and why I am passionate about sharing it on social media. We grapple with the importance of energy, time management, goal setting, and mental resilience in maintaining a healthy lifestyle. Plus, I share a poignant tale about a wealthy friend's father who lacked good health, and the life-changing lesson I learned from his passing.
Our conversation doesn't just stay on the mat, it extends into reshaping the way we look at life goals and success. We delve into the importance of defining our 'why' and discuss how simple shifts in perspective can turn dreams into reality. From creating a dynamic daily routine that works for you to strengthening relationships strained due to health issues, we touch upon it all. So, ready to transform your life? Jump on board as we talk health, relationships, money, personal growth and how to strike a balance between financial success and family life.
Follow Lachlan:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lachlanstuart/
YouTube: https://youtube.com/@lachlanstuart91
Website: https://themanthatcanproject.com/
Newsletter: https://lachlan-stuart-tmtcp.ck.page/profile
Do Something Today To Be Better For Tomorrow
Regarding low testosterone for a man. Yes, it's. Maybe they start seeing that in their 30s, 40s, 50s. It changes a lot for men. There's other things, there's other reasons to do your blood work and and check things and go with a really good doctor or a company who does this. But I'll tell you what it what I see that it changes when a guy's testosterone lowers. Right, I coach guys just like you do, and you see this happen over and over. They don't show up like they used to.
Speaker 2:We are here to challenge your beliefs, redefine success and talk about the important stuff in a relatable way. Don't forget to subscribe and leave a review. My name's lucky Stuart. Let's get into it.
Speaker 3:Joel. Welcome back on the show, mate. Welcome and thanks for having me. Glad to be here with you. You were literally the first person I called when I got to America. Like I've texted a lot of people, but when I messaged you we were talking on social media about getting another episode. Now that I'm here, we've managed to make it happen, called me straight away and it was great to connect.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I can't wait to meet you in person whenever I'm in Nashville or you're in Miami.
Speaker 3:We're definitely gonna get together the Tennessee Titans are playing Miami, I think what week 14 out here. So that's the game we're trying to go to for our first NFL game which we do. I've seen you've been ramping up the training on social media. I didn't know whether that you were just actually ramping up your training or just documenting more of it, but I would suggest you've probably just been documenting more.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I've been working out for a long time. I do jujitsu about five days a week. I run a little bit. I used to run a lot like ultra distance and I lift weights three, four days a week. So I just figured I'd share it, because here I'm working with men and I want to motivate them when especially the ones around my age to keep it going, don't stop.
Speaker 3:Why do you feel it is so important for men to take care of themselves by improving their health? Oh man, you know.
Speaker 1:To me it's all one. Whether you're improving your brain by reading, by engaging in great conversations, great networking, all of that, or you're doing push-ups, you're eating healthy, it all goes together. Uh, think about, I don't know, I don't, I don't want to be the guy with a bunch of money and really bad health. What's the point of any money? Sure, it gives you freedom, it gives you ability to do things, but if you're laying in bed or just in a brain fog, you're not going to build very good relationships.
Speaker 1:In my case, I've been married for over 21 years. My wife is my best friend. Uh, I have. We have four kids, all the way from 18 down to nine. If I'm not healthy, sure, maybe I can get up and go through the motions, but the way I'm going to respond to them, the way I'm going to make eye contact, the energy I'm giving out to them is probably going to lack. So what kind of a relationship am I building? And I chose to get married, I chose to be a father. I want to show up in the best way possible to make their lives as good as possible.
Speaker 3:It's touched on a good point there with the energy thing. I think, obviously how you feel affects how you think, and how you think affects how you behave and how you behave impacts the quality of your life. So the foundation, in my opinion, and I know, for me, fitness and even just what I consume Uh, information wise to strengthen my mind Impact so much that's gone into my life. So, if you understand that, that's like the building blocks of a great life and it's also going to teach you a lot of fundamental skills. For me, it's taught me a time management, goal setting, mental resilience, how to pivot if I get an injury, which they're all Skills that you can put into other areas of your life. And that's why, for me, it's such a fundamental Thing, because if I'm feeling poor, because my energy is low, if you go out into the world with poor energy, people don't want to be around. That Okay, you may not see the world, you may not see the opportunities that are in front of you. You may be looking at it through the doom and gloom lens, which is what I see a lot of people do.
Speaker 3:And I remember, uh, years ago, joel, one of my Closemates in primary school. His dad was extremely wealthy. He owned a crane crane hire company I assume that's the same in the us Like big building cranes. So it was extremely loaded. You know he with money. His shower that we got, you know was a novelty at the time had a phone in it. Well, like how, how rich is this guy? But he was. He would have been 140 kilos, so I'm assuming that's getting close to 300 pounds, like that's big. And I remember sitting at the table watching and listening to him breathing while we're eating dinner and it was For me it was one of the biggest things that made me go. You just don't want to Neglect your health. You really don't, because we were, you know I'd say we're 11 or 12 at the time and he's no longer with us, obviously because of health related issues. But he had all the money in the world and it was one of those things where people can say, when I get this, I'll then do that. That time may never come.
Speaker 1:That's right. Look what would that? Unfortunately, what would that guy have not given to be here today and to see his kids grow up, and maybe grandkids, and just enjoy, like as a futurist, I just want to be around, not only for my family and myself and all that, but I want to see what this world gets to technology. I love all of that stuff. So would he have given up half of his income and half of his net worth? Why not?
Speaker 1:In the end, you don't take any of it with you and, by the way, I don't know anybody who regrets being in shape. Locking. You're in fantastic shape. I see you on social media. I saw a post yesterday with your wife and you have no shirt and you can see your abs. You don't regret any of that. You regret being in. I mean, you don't. You love that. You're in good shape because the energy, the way you feel, the brain fog is gone, all of that. But people who are in bad shape usually regret it. Early or later they're going to regret it. So what a good reason to just get in shape. And also, I think it's important when you're young For all those of us that have kids to encourage them to be in sports and be athletic and eat healthy, because they're going to remember when they ever get let themselves go and get out of shape. They go, wait. I remember when I was young and how great I felt, so that's a good Memory to have them when you were in shape. We'll get back to it.
Speaker 3:I know a number of my clients back in Australia are in that position there, in that transition phase where they were once Athletes and now their careers taken priority and they're feeling stressed, run down and they're not making time for exercise. For me that's an excuse and obviously every individual you speak to you have to navigate how you help them see that message. You've been someone who's obviously recently sold your business I think you were going through the sale when we were last on the podcast on the podcast but you've created multiple million dollar companies, which means and I'm just going to assume here, but correct me if I'm wrong you would have had to have sacrificed a lot of time with family and, you know, potentially health to grow your company. Yeah, you know what that?
Speaker 1:was a mistake. It was a complete mistake the way that I did it. The first 10 years or so I was working 12 to 15, 16 hours a day. I was working every day. But you know what? It's not that complicated. I kind of stopped working for a moment because back then I watched a little bit of tv. Back then I would watch the news. I don't. It's been almost a decade I haven't seen any of that stuff.
Speaker 1:But I could have dropped and done 20 push-ups. I could have stopped the moment and done a few air squats. I could have gone to my driveway and down the street and done a couple of wind sprints and that gets the hard pumping, get a little sun. But instead I thought no, this is how you do it. You put your head down and you work really hard. That's fine, but take a break. Take a break every hour, have an alarm sound for three minutes and get in a good three minute hit Exercise. But you know what in the beginning, go for a three minute walk If you're that out of shape and build up on it. That's what I do. Regret that early on I didn't. But fortunately in the last half of those two decades I did do it in a better way. So I did work on taking breaks and working out.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think that's a. We answered my next question, which is what would you have done differently looking at the time that we have to invest in that three minutes? Why do we not see it as an investment in ourselves?
Speaker 1:Yeah, because we're. It's a zero-sum game. We incorrectly think if I just sit here and Work hard, I'm gonna get to what I want to do, and we forget the health part of it and we have our life sometimes in these silos. That it's I work hard. Exercise is a different silo, but I don't have time for that. I'm building something. You have time for it when you start getting sick and realize I haven't been doing things the right way. And, by the way, if you're hustling in your 20s, great.
Speaker 1:I worked really hard in my 20s. My record one week was a hundred and nine hours at a job. In my early 20s. That was a Sunday. For a Saturday I did 24-hour shifts, I was in radio and I'd go home for four hours and come right back and I did that to build the life that I wanted and I saved all that. And 22 years old, I got to buy my first house. That was a great thing. I put a big down payment and I kept working hard.
Speaker 1:The problem is our 20s is really our practice, for when our body starts changing and it does start changing in our 30s, in our 40s, definitely in our 50s. So if you're not exercising, oftentimes we're not eating healthy, and those are all habits that we're building. So I think what happens is you said well, no, the most important thing is to get out of debt, build net worth, build an income, build a great life, great. But take those three minutes every once in a while, every hour or two, and do a few push-ups. Sit in your chair if you want, do some leg kicks, you know. Do whatever, just get active. And, by the way, nowadays we have no excuse. Look at YouTube, put in YouTube anything you want. You want a three-minute workout? It's there, I promise I've never even looked for it. You want a five-minute meditation video? Do that, you know. Do that once or twice a day. Do two or three of those three-minute workouts a day and it's gonna change your life massively there literally is no excuse or reason why.
Speaker 3:It's just that time management and understanding the. We said the zero-sum game but we're looking at that long-term impacts and what I was mentioned before. I believe it's especially important Once we start getting to sort of 35 plus to really consider that, because it's around 30 where you know the hormones, testosterone and stuff start to decline a bit more quickly and the muscle Psychopedias are degeneration and a lot of things like that Mental, cognitive in client start happening. So if we're not working to actively grow them, it's just gonna go down at a rapid rate. And it's so sad to see when I see men in their 50s who have this shuffle walk where I can't lift their legs, popular, they can't live an active life and it's like just when their children are getting to a great age where they, you know they can become mates almost and mentally they're not on the ball anymore because I've stopped, you know, educating themselves or stop challenging themselves and mentally. So it's such an important thing to understand that your health, what you do today, is gonna impact Tomorrow, even if you can't see. This says one percent is for me, joel, and I'd love to hear what you do, I guess, for your mental routines and also physical routines. But I make sure every day, even if it's not running or Lifting weights, I'm doing some form of stretching, and it doesn't need to be an hour, let's go. I'll stretch and roll my feet when I'm waiting for the junk to boil, so I'm always just making sure I'm doing something that's gonna help me in the future. Same with, concentratively, the podcast. Obviously I've got to do my research and my reading, but fun walking like stacking habits, and I know you spoke about this on the podcast, and so I'll come back to the original question.
Speaker 3:Joel, I know you spoke about this story on your Instagram the other day, where you went for a walk with your wife and you were talking about how you can stack Habit or bring quality things together. So you're doing relationship time and you're doing exercise at the same time, so you don't have to find separate allotments of time, and I believe we can do the exact same thing with our health. As you mentioned, you could be on work, calls, walk while you're on a workhorse or, you know, you could hold a wall squat why you're on a work or call. There's many things we can think of if we start looking outside the box, and that's why I go back to what you said at the beginning of this what you consume.
Speaker 3:If you don't understand all of these little tricks or hacks or ways that you can fit these things in, start hanging around People who do that. That's why having a coach is so important. Listening to podcast is so important, because there's geniuses everywhere. As you said, jump on YouTube and you'll find something that you can then start implementing into your life.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, and you know you touched on something Regarding low testosterone for a man. Yes, maybe they start seeing that in their 30s, 40s, 50s it changes a lot for men. There's other things, there's other reasons to do your blood work and and check things and go with a really good doctor or a company who does this. But I'll tell you what it, what I see, that it changes when a guy's testosterone lowers and I coach guys just like you do, and you see this happen over and over. They don't show up like they used to.
Speaker 1:And then their wife remember, for your wife at one point was a little girl who may be dreamt of a prince and shining armor right, the last thing she wants is this guy with no energy, with no masculinity, no strength, probably sitting on a couch drinking beer, playing video games, watching TV. That's not attractive. So what happens? She might and I don't blame her lose respect for you, right? So then she doesn't want to be as intimate, she doesn't respond to you the way that she used to in all ways in conversation and intimacy you name it. Your kids lose a little bit of respect for you, right?
Speaker 1:I think there's a lot of reasons to take care of your health, and this doesn't mean go get testosterone shots. If you need it medically, go for it. But but you could do wind sprints. You can eat meat, you can lift heavy things those things boot. Get. Get it sunlight, do Cold water plunge. You know there's a lot of things you could do to improve that so that you show up better, as a better man and a stronger man and a more Respectable man, so your kids actually look up to you.
Speaker 1:Look, I'll tell you what. That's my motivator. My testosterone levels are fine, naturally, and I that's my barometer am I showing up properly as a man? So I I check in with my wife, I check it with my kids and I see the way they react to me as the head of the family and I like it. I like that they all look up to me, that they think I'm fit, that my daughter tells me you're always doing push-ups and she's 11 years old. I love that. They see these things that I'm showing up effectively. I think the worst thing is to be demasculated and you could you do this to yourself. Don't accept that we say my kids don't respect me. My wife is this. My wife is that the opposite of jockel-wilens extreme ownership Right, take the ownership and how do you fix that? And it is repairable. You can get those things back now. That wasn't the question.
Speaker 3:I think the question was about self-care and yeah, what we're sure men physical Routines that you're currently implementing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm active seven days a week. I'm absolutely obsessed with it, but but obsessed in a like, in a reasonable way. I'm almost 48 years old. I can't go run 20 miles a day and I can't go lift really heavy weights. I don't try to hit maximums and benching or anything. I try to keep lightweight because my theory is I want to show up tomorrow, right, so, train jujitsu, but I try not to do any crazy movements with a 20 year old who's bigger and stronger than me and more skilled than me. So I go easy and I hold them down and I go easy, but I want to just keep showing up every day. Now I'll tell you what. So I work out, I do all that stuff, but the recovery parts for me are phenomenal.
Speaker 1:Right after this podcast, I have a guest coming to my home and that's some of the things that we do and I do more. I'll add more of them. I'm not gonna do all of those with him today, but here's what some of the things that I do Workout have a home gym, ice baths, swim, jacuzzi, infrared sauna, steam room, norma tech I have those leg compressing units. I also have the arm attachments. I have the the hip attachments. I got all of that. I do breathing with Wim Huff, breathing Meditation, and those don't require me to bring anybody here. It's all on YouTube. I put those videos on a lay out in the backyard and I listen to that and I go through it and I'll tell you any of those things. You just do one of those things a day, or two or three. If you could Stack like ten of them in one day, amazing. But all of those things keep me personally and I think anybody will try it Mentally sane and physically in good shape and just showing up better you.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I love that. I love how you said choose one or whatever's going to fit in with your routine. Because and where I was asking earlier, obviously as you've become more successful and stuff because one of the biggest setback or something that I hear a lot is it's easy for you and I'm sure people will listen to what you and I are discussing in the life of Joel Sordid. You know he's got his lifestyle by design. It's easy for him. People say it's easy for me as well. I hear it a lot and that probably ties into a life by design. So, making sure that what you're doing you know we've discussed that what you do today impacts tomorrow. So where do you want to actually be more, rather than being at the effect of it and just saying, oh, my life is hard, you know I have to work long hours. I can't do that. It's easy for Joel and Lockie.
Speaker 3:We made a decision. We made a conscious decision. I know you made a decision when you were 19 or something, when you started or even younger. You made your first money when you were 10. But then you, you know, started a business and company. I think it was 14 from from memory.
Speaker 1:Something might be put in ages a little bit. I've been working nonstop for a long time, yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so you put yourself in that because you didn't want to be living in poverty. Right, you took responsibility for that and you learn a lot of lessons along the way. So you're just a result of years of lessons, setbacks, risks, problems, solved things that people find hard. You know it's hard to make time to breathe, it's hard to make time to exercise, it's hard to choose the healthier option over the, you know, the unhealthy option. But what's harder is the things that you mentioned. When your wife doesn't have respect for you, when your children don't look up to you, when you don't have energy to enjoy life and you start going, is this all it is? That's fucking hard. Yeah, so many guys, you're hot.
Speaker 1:So many guys are living that way, in a, in a brain fog of anesthesia kind of, and met itself medication through alcohol or whatever it is. That's hard. Now, when you said that, people will say, well, it's easy for you guys. Okay, sure, maybe now it's easier because we've been doing these habits for so long. But I'll tell you what. First time, at 38 years old, I ran my first 5k. I'd never run. Later, a few years later, I was running an ultra marathon. But that first one, nobody even put on my tennis shoes for me, nobody did the warmup and nobody ran for me. Nobody did anything and I thought that was ridiculous at 38. I'm going to start running. Those 10 years ago and I did that.
Speaker 1:No, you know, it wasn't easy to work 100 hours in a week. It wasn't easy to fight off the temptation to go buy a brand new, expensive car when I was in my early twenties, like all my friends were doing and I was the laughing stock with an old, very, very old, funny looking car. But I did that so I could save money. None of this was easy, but it's going to be difficult either now or later. You choose when you want it to be difficult. Sacrifice today to get to where you want to be tomorrow. Sure, it's going to be hard, yeah, it sucks, but the more it sucks the better it is. On the other side, once you get past the hard parts, it's so much more enjoyable. You feel so more more proud of yourself and fulfilled.
Speaker 3:And it's much easier to start sooner than later because you still have certain levels of self esteem. The longer you leave things in, my belief is that the more we go away from what we think is the best version of ourselves whether it's health, wise, financially, socially our self esteem and, in our opinion of our self, changes to a point where a lot of people can't recover. Well, everyone can, but they mentally don't think they can change things. And that's why, for me, as I'm approaching I'm still young, but I'm getting towards 35 and hanging around with a lot of people who are 35 to 50. And I'm watching I believe I'm really watching this happen in real time and I was speaking to a client about it yesterday where we're getting to this age as men I think boys grow up and we think we're invincible and I'm watching these guys who are starting to have families or reach certain milestones that they've been chasing their whole life, only to get there to recognize it's not what I thought it was going to be.
Speaker 1:And we also then start recognizing that at one time he is limited and it gets to the warning, because it's the only poster I have up here, it's the the week that I've lived. Right, I found it from Peter Atia, the author of Outlived mentioned it, and so a friend gave it to I actually a coaching client gave it to me. So you mark every week that you've lived and it's assuming you'll live to 90. I really think I'll go beyond that. I'm very healthy. I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't do drugs, and so it really reminds you when every week you have to scratch off one week and when I look at it to 90, it's more than halfway done, and that's a realization that man there, this is limited. I want to make every single day count. And how do I make it count? Building relationships, with good communication, with health, yeah, so absolutely, I'm all about that too.
Speaker 3:So obviously, when you got that from Peter Atia, I've just started reading that book as well. How has that shifted, how you live your life when you start looking at it through that lens?
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's a reminder. I think I've been living it that way already, but I like physical reminders. Every day's got to count. And you know what? We're not here forever. I also have learned over the years.
Speaker 1:I used to stress out a lot, be very anxious about what's going to happen, what problem my new filter is will this matter in 100 years? It's a joke. Nothing will matter In 100 years. My kids probably won't be around. My grandkids will be old people. In 100 years, nothing will matter.
Speaker 1:So if you want to make that more relatable, is that going to matter in 20 years? Is it going to matter in 10 years? Odds are I won't even remember any of that. So, okay, it's not going to matter in 10 years. Take care of it and get it out of here. That's the approach that I've been having when I see that it's not all. We're not going to be here forever. Stop worrying about it.
Speaker 1:And, by the way, something that hit me one day is when I saw a science documentary and then I don't know how many billions of years, our sun the star that's closest is going to explode and it's going to destroy this planet. So if you think well, you know, in a million years, I'll have built something so amazing that people are going to see my name on a wall and remember me and see how great I was. Well, that wall is going to be burned down. It's all going away. None of this matters, so I just want to live every day and enjoy it and make it healthy and happy and realize this is what we have. We have today. Let's worry about this. Let's worry about today. Tomorrow. I'm not also spending it on blowing it all today. I want to have a future over the next few decades, but I think that's a great approach. It's worked for me phenomenally well.
Speaker 3:Why do you feel defining your life goals is so important? How does that allow us to live a better life?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I like clarity and I like knowing why I'm here. So, before any goals, I want to know. My first chapter in my book is Light your Fire and it's really figuring out your why. Like Simon Sinek talks about, I want to know why I am here. Once I have that, I'm clear oh, I'm here to do this in life. That's the reason I was born.
Speaker 1:In my case, I have an extra added thing to it. I was born in a communist country in complete poverty, and I came to the United States of America and there's freedom and there's wealth and there's ability to live the life that you want. So for me there's this inflection point. I got here so I have an extra reminder of what am I going to do in my life. Why am I here? Once I know the why, now I can go create goals. When I create goals, I get this awesome sense of accomplishment, of like I hit this thing, I could check it off, I could cross it out. That makes me feel really good and it motivates me to get to the next part. And just like planning a vacation six months from now is something to look forward to and that's exciting and fun. Why not the same thing with our achievements.
Speaker 1:I find this so important that every quarter, a pop-up comes up in my calendar and it happened last night and it's check the kids' goals, because I want them, ever since they were young, to focus on this stuff. So I check with them. We have a family check group in WhatsApp and I write in there and I say, all right, tell me your goals right now. And they list them out. I put them in a calendar and it pops up three months from now. And now I'm going to say, all right, here's what you told me. What did you accomplish? You know we start all these practices when we're full grown adults. Too bad, nobody told us to do these things when we were young and taught us the benefits of them.
Speaker 1:I like teaching those things, but aside from doing goals, so you got, you know why you're here. Fantastic, you've created goals. That's number two. And number three is an action plan, because goals are great, they're big dreams. Action plans are what you're going to do about it. So you want to do this big race? Great, what are you going to do today? Today, you're going to sign up for the race four months from now. And number two today you're going to find a workout plan so you know you're running five days a week. Put it in your calendar. Great Tomorrow you're going to start lacing them up and running. You know running the training runs or whatever it is, but you have to have that action plan in place to make those goals worthwhile.
Speaker 3:It's when you lay it out like that and thanks for doing that it seems very attainable. It's just like what has to happen before this and most people want that often and I just start training without any intent behind why they really want it, which is where they lose motivation. I was going to ask you mentioned, obviously, finding your why. Midlife crisis is a you know a topic. I would assume that's just a point where men realize what they thought they wanted Now isn't necessarily what they want. So when people are hitting that moment in their life, is there an opportunity for them to redefine their why, or have they just sort of you know? Do they have to settle for that?
Speaker 1:I don't think you have to settle for anything. I don't have a fixed mindset. I think, no matter where you are today, you could definitely change my life. Growing up in poverty, coming to this country at a young age and getting a new opportunity, it was a great point at that time. But you know what? I got into my 30s, early 30s, had a couple of kids, was building a business. I let myself get out of shape. I wasn't reading books, I wasn't thinking very positively. One book that changed my life it changed everything is a countryman of yours, rhonda Byrne. The Secret. That book, absolutely. I wish I could meet her. I hope to one day meet her. She changed my life with that book I was thinking about the way of thinking went from this negative.
Speaker 1:Everything that was presented to me I'd go, yeah, that's probably not going to work. It was always that's probably not going to work. And, of course, I was probably at the time making under $100,000. I put that into practice and within a few years I don't know six, seven years I was making over 10 times that amount as my income and my relationship with my wife was better than ever. I had four kids. My relationship with them got even better. It all changed when I started seeing things very differently and I'm telling you you don't need to have that raise, you don't need to get that job before you make the change, you don't need to have. Well, once I get married, once I buy that house, you make that change right away. And the change is only a few inches, it's between your ears and it's just the way that you think and you say you know I'm going to start making that little bit of change, I'm going to see things a little bit differently.
Speaker 1:I highly recommend the book the Secret to start thinking a little bit differently. Obviously, get surrounded by winners, because it threw osmosis. Their positivity comes into you. And get a coach. You know those things really help. And if you can't afford a coach, get a group coach, find an accountability partner, start finding the most positive people you can get. And I started realizing this work. I remember being at a family party and someone said something negative, I'm sure, and we're in a group and I said a response and I guess it was positive, and everybody started saying I never thought of it that way. Well, that's one way to look at it and I go, that's the way I've been looking at things for the last few years, no wonder things are going better for me.
Speaker 3:Perspective is such an underrated thing. A lot of people also want to share that and that's why I think it's really important to get around winners or people who have the results that you want, and I was thinking about it the other day with YouTube I remember we were talking about the other day around like marketing and stuff, and I watch a lot of people here in the States who were just gurus at marketing and I'm like I'd love to just sit at a table with these guys and see what questions they're asking themselves or see what processes they go through before you know, putting out a campaign or uploading a YouTube video, because it's, as you mentioned, proximity. You'll learn most of your lessons. So if you can't get the coach, can't get the group mentor, start surrounding yourself with people who are further ahead than you are and you'll start seeing things through their lens.
Speaker 3:You know, one thing that you said that went viral from our last podcast was the story and, for those who haven't listened to Joel and our last episode, it was episode 497. You can go back and find that. But a video that went viral was where you mentioned the time that you have your writing, your push fight down the street with your children. I don't want to steal your story, so would you be able to share that one again?
Speaker 1:Yeah. So I was still in that battle mode. I was in 40 years old yet and I was pushing hard and I wanted the bigger house and the better car. But I wanted to do that by growing a business and growing my income and giving me security. When I peel all that back, it's just because I wanted security. I wanted to know that I'll have enough, that it can never be taken from me and I'll never be poor again. That was my big motivator when I peeled it all back. So I had never lived in a home that I was really pleased with. I never lived in a neighborhood that I was really pleased with. I kept pushing for more and more and more and it all hit me one day when we just moved to this house best house I've ever owned, best neighborhood I've ever lived in. There are professional athletes that live here. It's a beautiful neighborhood, safest city in my state of Florida. There's a lot of cities here and it's the number one safest, best place to live, one of the top places to live in the United States. This city Well, I was riding bike with my kids.
Speaker 1:It was middle of the summer, middle of the day. Here I am a business owner with a team operating without me because I'm out with my kids and joined the day and we ride two blocks down. I had already ridden through that neighborhood but we had just moved here, so my kids didn't know the neighborhood very well. And when I took them down that street they saw those mansions were more impressive than my house, probably double the size of my house. Some are triple Well-known. People have lived in some of those homes in that neighborhood and my kids were just blown away as they were looking around in awe because they've never seen a neighborhood that beautiful and they kept saying, wow, this house is beautiful, oh, that was even better. And they're all excited, normal. And I'm thinking the same thing this stuff's beautiful.
Speaker 1:And the question from one of my boys was why didn't we buy a house in this neighborhood? At that time they thought I was a superhero and I was super amazing and I could accomplish anything. Well, and I said you know what? I could have bought one of these houses? I really could have, but it would have meant that I would have had to finance it and then I'd have this big payment every month because I bought my house cash. So I said if I did that, I'd have this massive payment every month and then I'd be stressed out and I'd be worrying every month Because the property tax on that house would be higher. The air conditioning expense down here in Florida would be much higher to cool a house like that and that would just stress me out. And you know what my resolution would be. I'd have to work all day.
Speaker 1:And you guys have noticed, as we've ridden through this neighborhood, we've seen some moms at the parks we've gone to and we've seen some moms riding bikes with their sons. But have you guys seen any dads? Remember, middle of summer, middle of the day, they're all at work. And one of the boys said, no, we haven't seen one dad. And I said so what do you guys think about that? And they absorbed it for a few seconds and one of them said no, no, no, I prefer the house that we live in, because he realized we could live in the house we live in and have this life, or daddy can keep pushing really hard and have it never end, because it never ends, and then we won't have this time and you'll be at home in front of the TV because mom's busy with the other little brother and sister and you're not going to be out on these adventures that we do three, four, five days a week in the summer. But that was a point for me where I realized I think I'm doing it right now. I think this is it.
Speaker 1:So I've been in this house for nine years and I don't plan on going anywhere. And now it changed my perspective. It went from the first week or two in this house blown away. Every time I'd pull up into the driveway. The second, third, fourth, fifth week you start going. All right, I'm getting used to it, and maybe a couple of months in doing it. I don't know, maybe I could have done better. Now, nine years later, I pull into my driveway and my wife and I still say we're blessed. This is amazing. We never even need this. We could have a smaller house in the future when the kids are gone. This is more than we'll ever need, and that change of perspective has changed my life. I'm no longer chasing money. I'm not chasing growth and power. That little moment triggered something that now I've been working on for many years and it's got me so fulfilled and so happy.
Speaker 3:And I could imagine now that you don't have that massive pain in every month and stuff that have a bit more freedom and flexibility in your life. So what does a day look like for you? I know you have mentioned that no days are the same, which I think is wild and I love that. But for you now, obviously you have things that you're working towards, which you've learned from penny drop moments like that but also growing a business like what direction are you moving in now?
Speaker 1:Yeah, my day. Look at my calendar every night before I go to bed so I know what time to wake up. I have a last resort time. If I'm going to sleep in, because I went to bed at 1 AM, I wake up at 6.59. That's as late as I'll go, because seven o'clock in my mind is for losers. So that's as late as I'll go, but it's never that late, it's done. On a rare occasion I'll wake up that late If it was a very long, like tonight. My son is turning. He has a birthday soon, so we're going to a Miami heat basketball game. We live almost an hour from the arena and the game doesn't start till 8 PM. We're getting into bed about 1 AM. I'll be up at 6.59. But when I look at night at my calendar and I say what do I have in the morning? Do I got to wake up at 5, 5.30? What do I got to do? I look through the morning's events and I go throughout the day and I always say this is amazing.
Speaker 1:My day has never looked the same, probably in 10 years. It's always different. I'm in a different place, I'm talking to a different person Now I might talk to you that day and another guy until next month. I might talk to you again, but then it's with backed up with other guys and different things. To me, that's an absolute thing.
Speaker 1:I have ADHD. I get very bored with the same routine and I had that same routine in my 20s. I worked in a cubicle. It was the most boring job. I would have rather fought a lion and just died. It's been so boring.
Speaker 1:Every day is completely different, but there's always an aspect of just naturally. There's always an aspect of fitness in there. Why? Because I block off certain times. There's times nobody in a book would call with me. I get to coach and it's an honor. I don't coach anybody. I don't enjoy their company. If you're zapping my energy and I tried on multiple phone calls to turn that attitude around and turn your performance around and you won't have it I will fire you. I don't need your money. I'll charge you because I want you to have money invested in it. I love building my coaching practice, but I don't need it. I get so imagined that no, I don't talk to losers. I don't have any bad, negative people in my life. I'm around winners.
Speaker 1:After this, I have a business owner coming to work out. After that we're going to jump in the pool, Then we're going to do breathing, and then we're going to do ice plunge and then hot tub. That's an example I had three times a week. I'll work out with somebody like that in my home. I usually coaching clients that I invite over. I go to talks whether I'm giving a talk or I get to hear amazing speakers that's it.
Speaker 1:I spent a lot of time with my wife, and she was 30 years old. I had the proud moment of convincing her to stop being a registered nurse and retire. That was at 30 years old. It was 12 years ago. We now get to spend so much time together. She's my absolute best friend, been married over 21 years. We're friends or fights, whatever you call them, I can count them on one hand in 21 years. We're great best friends and we get to hang out together. Yesterday, we spent three hours in the sanctuary garden having a tour from the owner and the husband and wife owner team. We just spent so much time with them. Yeah, every day is unique and fun. Yeah, easy for me to say. It wasn't this way before, though. It was working 100 hours a week, but I took care of my finances. I did smart moves with my money and my health. That's what got us, got me here today.
Speaker 3:How have you become best friends with your wife? Because I know a lot of people start that way and then grow apart.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, they start that way because they put the effort when they're dating and they want to impress them. The girl wants to be fit and sexy for the guy and she wants to be adventurous and do crazy things when they're dating. Then they get married and it all starts going downhill. Both sides are to blame, absolutely. But I like blaming the guy because I like ownership on a problem. The woman has her faults. We all do. Nobody's perfect, получается. A guy has a lot of power into helping her with those faults.
Speaker 1:How, number one, taking care of himself, looking chiseled and looking healthy and looking strong, right Learning, hanging around, the good examples of people you know I have the privilege of being told, sometimes from friends' lives Like I love when my husband hangs around with you because when he comes home he wants to work out, he wants to go do this, he wants to do all these positive things. So I'm so proud that I get to be a positive influence. Sometimes the guy hates that because he's like man. My wife wants me to hang around with you more to do all these good things. But I want to woo my wife every single day. I want her to see me working out. I want her to see me looking good with a shirt off. I want her to see me having great conversations with my kids. I do not want her to see me. She walks into the house and I'm sitting in front of the TV like this lazy teenager. Right, I'm not that, I'm not trying to be that. So I'm doing active, positive things.
Speaker 1:Yesterday we were with this amazing couple and she asked something about do you get complacent or do you constantly work on yourself? Something to that effect. I was so happy when my wife said oh, no, no, no, no, he's never complacent, he's always developing, he's always working on himself. Well, if you do that, I don't care the reason Whether she's scared that you're getting too good for the market and you might leave her. I don't care the reason. She's going to start being a little bit more attracted to you and a little bit more worried in a positive way, right? Positive peer pressure, positive jealousy maybe.
Speaker 1:My wife tells me that the reason she works out so much, eat so clean, take such good care of herself is because she wants to be impressive to me. I love that. So it's not a competition, it's that I want to show up sexy to her and interesting and captivating. I want to be funny, I want to have you know, I want to be the guy I was when who she fell in love with. So I work on that every single day and it's work, it's communication, it's not being selfish, it's compromising and say and now you know, I think couples fight over money and when you look at it what it is is selfishness.
Speaker 1:The guy you know they're tight on money, but the guy wants the most expensive golf clubs, but he told her she can't do this thing. That's all selfish. Neither of them should be shooting to buy these expensive luxuries. They should be worrying about their finances if that's the problem and have a goal of where they want to get to and why they want to get to that goal and what that's going to mean for their life and their kids. So I think when we approach it from that point of view, absolutely we can build a best friendship with our spouse.
Speaker 3:The key word there being setting a goal and obviously then tying that back into relationships. One thing I know that you're really focused on, as well as becoming more efficient right To improve and create more free time through that efficiency. And I just remember, from a financial standpoint I hope this clicks for a lot of people when I was working as a builder, as a carpenter, it was an environment that I didn't enjoy. I was only about 20 to $22 an hour and that was like you couldn't improve that unless you did overtime. But that meant I had to work more hours. And then when you decide you would need to work more hours to save more money, you're sacrificing time with your relationships, time from work, time doing so many things that are important to you. It sort of creates this negative feedback loop. Now, for me to become more efficient, which meant earn more money, I had to upskill myself, and you mentioned there that your wife should be the first one to say Joel's always developing, joel's always growing, and I think that is such a huge point that people need to take away from this. If you're not happy with how much you're earning, how your relationship's going or how your health is become more efficient with the time that you have, which means you need to upskill. How do you become more valuable in $20 now? How do you communicate more efficiently and effectively with your partner so that you don't have? I'm the same as you, joel.
Speaker 3:I love that you said that you can count your arguments on a single hand. Same with Amy and I. We watch people fight or hear about people fighting and we sit in there going. Are we doing this wrong? Why don't we fight? But it's because we do communicate so openly and we'll tell each other when something's happening. But much to your story. When you're telling your story about why your wife loves to keep these high standards because of the standard you set. The exact same for me when my wife's on stage or when my wife's, which is always crushing it, I'm like I could be replaced as an insect man. I gotta do better. And it's motivating and I don't think it's. People might say that's toxic or that's whatever it is it's like for me. That is so healthy because I do not wanna be a slob and I wanna make sure that my wife gets the best me every day.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and if you know what, that's not toxic. If you and I are working out together in the gym and we're friends and we motivate each other and look up to each other, as a good friendship should be, I see you doing an exercise and you just upped a little bit of weight or you did a few extra reps. You're motivating me, you're bringing me along. That's what positive people do, that's what a positive circle of friends do. So what better circle of friends than your own wife? I mean, that's number one. That's the person you lay in bed with. That's the person you spend the most time with. Hopefully, that's the person that maybe you end up having kids with. Absolutely, that's the way to do it. Look, I'll share. Another thing is there's a Dr Chapman, gary Chapman. He created the Five Love Languages and it's a free test Over 80 million people. Back when I met him, he told me over 80 million people had taken the test. So now it's right 100 million. That's insane. Yeah, it's free. And go on this fivelovelanguagescom. You and your spouse take the test and get down to the nitty gritty of who is the. What your wife appreciates Sorry, your wife will appreciate acts of service, quality time, words of encouragement. Whatever. It is man that has changed my relationship with my wife. When we met Dr Chapman and had dinner with him one night, that was inspirational. I heard him talk and then he sat at our table and we talked for an hour and then we went home and took that test. That changed our relationship because now we're speaking the same language. Imagine I drop you in China and you don't know Mandarin or Cantonese or wherever region you're in and you're having to communicate with people. Good luck, Now I drop you there and you know the language. It's a whole different experience. People don't put enough work into marriage. I think the number one tool is to figure out and it's like 10 minutes of work to figure out the love language of your wife and yourself, because then you start understanding yourself and then you have this as a sort of game in the future. You know, I go my wife.
Speaker 1:I thought physical touch was a way to show love, cause that's mine and it is for a lot of guys. So I thought hug my wife, I touch her. She can't walk by without me grabbing her and I'm showing her love. And then it turns out that's not at the top of her list. The top of her list is acts of service. So what do I do now? I go help her make the kids lunch. That's like three, five minutes a day, you know it's nothing and that to her gives her this warm feeling of love. And then remember she knows that mine is physical touch. So then she reciprocates in my language. And what a beautiful bond to do that together. So just wanted to point out you could do all kinds of work, but I think that's a starting ground. Free tip it costs nothing to go on their site and do that test.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so five love languages for that one. It's funny how most blokes are the physical touch one. My wife would always give me gifts and I'm like I don't like gifts at all and we did that same test after reading the book and hers was gifts obviously. So I never used to give gifts. I was like, surely my you know me telling you I love you and being around is awesome. But now we understand that it's absolutely. It feels like you're hacking a relationship. It's awesome.
Speaker 1:Amazing. And then the other thing about just another mind shift way of seeing things. So when a guy is making $20 an hour, it's never enough. I've never met anybody who makes $20 an hour and says, yeah, I make enough, right, and yeah, like you said, locky, if you want to make more money, you got to work overtime. It takes away from your relationship all of that. The problem is that $20 an hour guy will eventually be at $30 an hour. You give him enough time and he will make that amount of money, or he gets a new job and he automatically jumps to $30 an hour. But guess what? I haven't met a $30 an hour guy who says that that's enough money and what suffers is his relationship, his life. They're never happy.
Speaker 1:There's even years ago that was research done on the magic number. It was $75,000 a year in the United States. When you hit that, you kind of plateau at happiness with your job, you can go get double the money and it really didn't raise that percentage. Today, with inflation this rocket inflation we have is probably 100,000, let's call it. But as you go up and pay, you don't really get any happier. And my theory on this is first of all, you don't have a plan, you don't have a 10 year vision with your spouse and yourself and your business and your income. You don't have this vision. So it's more money in, more money out, and it makes you less happy. You're not happy, you're never reaching the target. So living below your means is one of the best recommendations I could give for happiness.
Speaker 1:How crazy does that sound? Because you say oh wait, you want me to buy a less expensive car and I'll be happier. Yeah, Because as you go through that process, something happens. Look, I only buy two year old cars. They're still under warranty, they cost way less, they're inexpensive and they're not even expensive cars. To start with, I drive a Kia Because I Googled one day what's the most reliable car and Kia came up, and I just want reliability, and so I'm happy with that.
Speaker 1:I found a way to be happy. I don't need a Lamborghini, a brand new one. That doesn't bring me any happiness. In fact, that just gets me in this wheel of spending. And I'm bringing that up because we're talking about how to build great relationships, how to be happy with what we have, how to have a more fulfilled life. Yeah, you could do that my parents have. In a year, I make what my parents have made in their lifetime, believe it or not, and my parents have success and happiness. And it's not necessarily you have to make so much money and keep striving for more. You have to work within what you have and then strive for more, because there's an ultimate goal behind it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and that helps you get clear for those who don't have their why. By casting that vision and thinking about what you actually want, you can then start asking yourself, why do I want that? And if you peel back enough layers as you mentioned earlier, joel you'll get to why you want something and that's the motivator. And then you can use that to sort of guide a lot of the other decisions that you have coming on the way. One thing that you've done really well you know you have a home gym, you have a beautiful house, beautiful family and that is an accident. You put yourself in a position financially to be able to afford the gym at home to the sauna, the ice, all that sort of stuff, but also to afford to be able to be at home, be there for your kids, be there for your wife. That takes a lot of fucking work, a lot of sacrifice, but now people can look at you and if I just met you today I'd be like geez, that guy's so lucky.
Speaker 1:But when you know the story, like that guy hustled, he hasn't really figured it out and I had to ask myself when I made this decision to let go the 100 miles an hour, business building income, building part of me. The question I asked myself is when I'm old and on my deathbed, will I regret taking my foot off the gas Because you know, I want a $50 million net worth? No, now I want $100 million Once. I let that go because I realized I won't regret that. I'm not going to regret that my net worth, when it's all said and done, hit this number, but it could have been doubled. Oh, but wait a minute.
Speaker 1:But I spent the last 50 years enjoying my family and being there for them. And, by the way, when I say that I don't go for quality, I go for quantity, I know that sounds weird, but I'm not trying to blow my kids away with the most amazing safari in Africa, followed by a tour of Europe and the Mediterranean. I'm not trying to blow them away with experiences. Nothing's wrong with that. That's awesome. If you want to do that, go for it. I just want to be there. I want to go to their practices, I want them to talk to me and you know I have all these internal rules of myself If my kids are talking to me, I don't have my phone here with me, but if they are, the phone goes down, right?
Speaker 1:Those are rules, but I'm not striving for this greatness financially anymore. So if it's a coaching client and we're texting back and forth, he can wait. Maybe I'll impress him more if I respond in three minutes. I don't care, I'm going to take care of my coaching client. We're going to have a good time and we're going to fix things and work on it, make them better, but he could wait three minutes while I put that down and out of sight and I give eye contact to my son and I get to give him attention, or my daughter, Right? So I will not regret any of these things and I think that's the key is to figure out what are you going to regret when you're on your deathbed?
Speaker 3:I had an experience the other night. So we, the band here, had to get a new drummer and had to get a new guitarist, just because the others are back in Australia, and I had a gig on and after the gig we were all sitting around and I was like I'm listening to music. I was like why don't we play this game? Let's call it a game. Play a game where you share a song that means something to you, but give us a story behind it, Like what way that song means something to you. And it was interesting once the third person went, all the stories were based around connection. There was not a single person who shared a story and there was like eight of us or nine of us there, Not a single person who shared a story about how this was linked to career success. And that for me, was that. That started this whole thing where I'm like I'm getting towards the older and everyone's always said connections really the most important thing. In that moment. Then, with you know, a lot of strangers highlighted that.
Speaker 1:That's beautiful. Yeah, that's what really matters, and those are the things that you're going to regret or not regret. Be proud or not proud of yourself when you're old.
Speaker 3:So great way to look at it. So, joel, I want to respect your time mate. This has been awesome fun. I know you've got your 31 day challenge. When's the next one kicking off?
Speaker 1:Every month, pretty much there's one. I think the next one actually is where we just started, one right now in November and the next one's in January and yeah, happy to have guys in that.
Speaker 3:And I'll be completely open. I was going to do the November one. I've just got a four day Tony Robbins event so I want to make sure I'm there. But I'm definitely jumping on board in January. The reason why for my listeners who are like, well, you run a men's group, I want to be around some high performing people. I want to learn what you know. I've got plenty of blind spots. That's always good to continually keep learning and growing, so that I'll be jumping on the January one for sure.
Speaker 1:That's the biggest selling point. Now I got to tell everybody Lachlan Stewart is going to be in my January class of 31 days to become a better man. We're going to oversell it.
Speaker 3:From the land down under. That's right, but, joel mate, it's been awesome to catch up. Thank you so much for coming back on. I reckon we'll probably do one in about 12 weeks or so again, because there's so many things that we can continue diving into, but it's been an absolute pleasure for me as well.
Speaker 1:Thanks Awesome.
