Man That Can with Lachlan Stuart
Welcome to Man That Can with Lachlan Stuart—the podcast dedicated to empowering men to break through barriers and achieve their full potential.
Hosted by Lachlan Stuart, this show dives deep into the challenges men face, offering actionable insights, real-life stories, and expert advice. Whether you're focused on fitness, business, personal growth, or fatherhood, you'll find inspiration and tools here to help you rise above any challenge and become the man that can.
New episodes drop every Monday and Thursday. Tune in, get inspired, and start living the life you’ve always wanted.
Join us in the Strong Men of Value Academy
https://www.themanthatcanproject.com/strong-men-of-value
Follow Me:
https://www.instagram.com/lachlanstuart/
www.youtube.com/@lachlanstuart91
Support the show:
https://www.buzzsprout.com/997123/supporters/new
Man That Can with Lachlan Stuart
What Role Does Fitness Play in Mental Health: Joe Legolvan #523
Get ready to embark on a transformative journey as we intertwine fitness with mental health and unveil the powerful connection between the two. This episode pulls from our own experiences, research, and the enlightening journey of our guest, Joe, who turned his life around through fitness and self-forgiveness after wrestling with addiction. Joe's revelations cast a spotlight on the potency of using fitness as a tool to process feelings and emotions, bypassing the allure of numbing substances.
We delve into an array of topics that underscore the importance of developing a holistic approach to health and wellbeing. From setting lofty goals and raising personal standards, to disarming the power of guilt and understanding the impact of life experiences on our mental health, we've got you covered. Joe's compelling narrative exemplifies the significance of connection and relationships for mental health, a key theme in our discussion.
Finally, we explore the vitality of personal growth and creativity in finding joy, fulfillment, and purpose in life. We discuss how having something exciting to look forward to can help overcome the gravitational pull of negative thoughts, allowing us to steer towards positivity and change. If you're ready to unmask the powerful intersection of fitness and mental health, this episode is your one-way ticket. Embark on this journey with us, and let's unearth a deeper understanding of mental health together.
FOLLOW JOE:
Instagram: Mentalhealth_fitnessdad
Follow Lachlan:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lachlanstuart/
YouTube: https://youtube.com/@lachlanstuart91
Website: https://themanthatcanproject.com/
Newsletter: https://lachlan-stuart-tmtcp.ck.page/profile
Do Something Today To Be Better For Tomorrow
But you know, our psychology world has been so Freudian, right, like focus on your past, focus on your childhood, things like that which is obviously beneficial and good for people to do.
Speaker 2:But the coaching world is more like what are you going to manifest in the future, like the man that can project podcasts, a podcast in powering the weird driven men to live more fulfilling lives. We are here to challenge your beliefs, redefine success and talk about the important stuff in a relatable way. Don't forget to subscribe and leave a review. My name's Lockies Stuart. Let's get into it.
Speaker 3:Joe, an absolute pleasure having you on the show, mate, and you're joining me from Colorado, right?
Speaker 1:Yes, it is snowing outside right now. I'm looking out my window at the snow, so not a big fan personally, but you know I'll live.
Speaker 2:I'd love to be out with you guys.
Speaker 1:Yeah, a little nicer home.
Speaker 3:So it's Nashville has blown my mind at the moment. So when I was here last year, it was exactly like Brisbane. That's why we chose to move here. Just in terms of the weather, and since I've been here, we've gone from like 27 degrees one day minus four the neck it's just like a roller coaster. Oh wow, yeah, didn't expect that, didn't do enough research, but anyway. So, joe, I came across you and I was trying to work out our connection, but I think it was through our mutual friend, jackson Tippert, who I've had on the show, and you're actually heading to Puket to do a retreat with him as well, which is pretty cool.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I'm so excited about that man. I've been following him for a long time and it'll be a dream to hang out with him for a week and just you know, mastermind, essentially I think. So, yeah, very excited.
Speaker 3:And he is a great individual and has a lot of great individuals around him as well. So it's definitely going to be a great time for you guys over there, that's for sure. But I've been following you. I reached out to you a number of months ago because I love the content that you put out there For me. I love people who work hard and you can tell a lot about people's work ethic by how they look after themselves. Physically, you're an absolute beast. You know you've done boxing and you train hard.
Speaker 3:But one thing that really stood out for me as well from the messaging was your willingness to talk about mental health and a lot of other things along that line, but also your ability to share your own personal stories and break down the processes of how you've navigated things, which I think is a very unique skill. And a lot of our audience and they're going through moments in their life where maybe they've been pursuing a career that they've now recognized isn't what they wanted and they're wondering what happens next. One in 10 men experience some form of depression or anxiety. So for anyone who's got buddies around them, it's important to understand not only our own mental well-being but also those around us. So how you communicate and speak about that is a great way for others to learn and listen. I'm excited to sort of open that up today, but obviously you know your Instagram is a lot of training and stuff like that as well. So I wanted to start with how is fitness helped you with your mental health?
Speaker 1:No, absolutely. It's funny because when I was younger, I remember I was trying to get over a girl which, you know, that's always like the kicker when you're like, oh man, heartbreak just wrecks you. You know, when you're 13 or 15 or whatever, it is like that. And she was the one. You know, of course, right. And now I look back, it's always the one man, it's always the one. But you know, I mean I was trying to get over a girl and I was super depressed and my buddy's like, hey, let's go to the gym together.
Speaker 1:We would go to the gym and work out and I remember feeling better and I was like, I remember telling him when I was at the gym at that age he was like 15 or whatever and of course you know at that age the only reason you work out is for girls in the first place, like that's your whole. You don't care about your health or anything else. But I remember talking to him and saying, man, if I could combine fitness with mental health, I think I would have something. And he, you know, resonated with that because we both had our own little struggles and stuff and it's just been like something that has carried me through my whole life.
Speaker 1:And I've been through quite a bit of struggles in my life. You know, when I was younger I got into addiction and probably one of the biggest life transformation things that happened to me when I was it's about 10 years ago my only sibling took their own life and that was super profound, super powerful for me because when that happened it was like holy crap, this mental health stuff is real. Like this stuff, we have to focus on this. We have to help people and I had so many people around me struggling. You know friends that I grew up with and just people in general, it seemed like it was just this underlying theme, and especially in America. You know, it's such a big thing.
Speaker 1:And with watching that happen, what happened to my family after that, and my own mindset too, because, you know, there's a lot of talk with the genetics of mental health and of course, in my mind I'm like, oh my God, my only sibling literally died from mental health issues and so, genetically, like I could be predisposed to some of this stuff, which, of course, I had experienced throughout my life. So I'm like I better take this seriously, and what that did to me was it made me learn everything possible I could to kind of help myself, which, in turn, that's kind of the things I talk about on my own. You know Instagram. It's like, hey, if you're struggling with this, maybe this will help. Maybe, you know, doing some of these practices and really taking it like a holistic approach, Because sometimes we'll look at mental health as something like, oh, you got it or you don't, but it's just like physical health If you put in work, you put in the time, you put in the effort, you can improve it.
Speaker 3:Sorry for your loss around that. I can't imagine what that must feel like so thanks for talking about that. You nailed it there and I'm a big believer of just like physical health. We can make improvements in so many different aspects, you know aerobically, anaerobically, building power, strength and there's so many different tools and ways of planning to achieve that. And for the individual, they always say what's the best training.
Speaker 3:for me it's like well, the one you're going to stick to, right the one that is giving you results that you will stick to, and it's the same with mental health, from my experience. There are so many different tools and professional pathways to go down, but the key one is to find the one that works for you and you're going to stick to long term. Because, once again, if you stop building that muscle, all it does is atrophy and you will go backwards.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, and it's something we need to work on every day. Right, like, it's like I went, you know, I went to therapy once and now I'm good. Right, it's kind of like I went to the gym I'm good for the rest of my life, you know, or whatever it is, and again I use it. How good would that be, man Well that'd be awesome, adventurely done.
Speaker 1:Done, but you know it's like a constant thing. So you know I have with my coaching clients if I have them do like gratitude practices, things like that. You know which are all these things are. So you know they're very low level, it's not like they take a ton of intellect to figure out right. And to me that's kind of how I believe the truth is like. The truth is in front of our face. A lot of times we think like, oh, I've got to learn the Da Vinci code to figure out the meaning of life or whatever. And it's like if there is a creator which I'm super religious, tolerant, you know, I'm very open minded but if there is a creator, why wouldn't you put the truth right in front of our face? You know, why would you make it hard for your own creation to find the truth?
Speaker 1:And I truly believe you know the simple is the way it goes, you know. And when we go back to our prehistoric man, what did we have? You know, we had exercise daily just to survive. We had sunlight, we had community. And then you take modern man out of community, out of the sun, out of exercise, and say you know what's going on, why do we have all these mental health issues and stuff and it's like, well, maybe we need to move more, maybe we need to talk more of the open, maybe we need to, you know, get outside in nature and those type of things. So it's very simple, you know, but it's very holistic as well as kind of the approach I take with that.
Speaker 3:I love that and I agree 1,000 percent. I definitely feel in today's society because we have so much research and because we have so much science and I don't want to detract from all the great work being done there but it's definitely over complicate things. It's now Everything has been pulled apart and there's ten different variants of one thing. It's like whoa, I know identify with that one, that one and that one is like okay, well, as we mentioned and you mentioned it with your story as well, with the passing of your sibling, if it was genetic, then you're like I could be predisposed to this. I need to do something about it. Okay, and so if we're giving ourselves more reasons why we shouldn't do things that are beneficial to our life because of where science is Telling us, just like let's just go back from a macro level. Let's keep life very simple.
Speaker 3:Yeah, as you mentioned, you gave some great tools there and it's like I've never felt bad after exercising. I felt knackered, but I've never felt bad. I've never, I've never hated being outdoors, even in the rain. I'm always walking back like it might be uncomfortable in the rain and not what you used to, but at the end of the day, it's a different experience. It's fun, yeah, and we need to find ways to get back to that as individuals. I wanted to ask you a question, just sort of circling back, if you don't mind speaking about it. If you Do, that's completely fine, we can move forward. But with your, your sibling, did you ever see any warning signs or anything like that before they passed away?
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, we certainly did, and she had attempted before and stuff. And the funny thing about her was she was very like successful on paper, individual, very, everybody liked her. I mean, at her funeral she had, I think, like 500 people come to it and so like people just loved her as a person. But the one thing about her it's interesting. So I always remember this, this moment, and this is one of the most profound moments for me, that is like stuck with me throughout this whole thing was the first time she tried to do it.
Speaker 1:We came over to our house at like 2 am. My mom and I we drove over there and she was talking to me about you know what she was going through and she had written a list. You know how we were talking about like asking yourself positive questions about what I'm grateful for, like what can I be proud of myself for right, and the way our brain works. It responds to questions, as we know. Like if I just say think positive, think positive, you know, not a lot will happen. But if I say what could I be positive about, my brain will come up with an answer. Similarly, if I tell myself what, what do I suck today? Like, my brain will come up with 10 answers, right.
Speaker 3:So you got a one, guys to town.
Speaker 1:Exactly, or why am I a bad person or why you know whatever right? And so we got to ask ourselves positive questions. Well, what my sister was doing at that moment I laugh about it now but she literally wrote down All of the things she had done wrong her entire life, going back to our childhood when she would give me rides to school, she had actually asked me for gas money and that was on that list from when I was like 12 years old and we're taken to the hospital. You know she's, she's crying, she's very upset and she looks at me and she goes I'm so sorry. And I remember thinking, oh, you're sorry about you know us coming out at 2 am To bring you to the hospital. She was sorry for asking me for gas money at 12 years old and the thing I took out of that is the way guilt and Our own questions that we ask ourselves and we are so hard on ourselves and in a sense it's good to be harder and stuff. So you know, when we're trying to really achieve something, work very hard, but when we look back at things that we literally cannot change and we just judge the crap out of ourselves, that is a recipe for anxiety, depression and what I found.
Speaker 1:You know I do work in the jails and stuff like that.
Speaker 1:A lot of times people think they're gonna run into people In the jails who are like sociopaths or just don't care.
Speaker 1:You will meet some of the most guilt-ridden Individuals of your entire life and of course, some of that is because of their actions, but some of it is because they beat themselves up so much. I'm such a low-life piece of crap and maybe they heard that their whole life that guess what they manifest in their life. And so when I'm working with my clients, I really work on them like, what are you proud of yourself for? And some of them are, you know, 400 plus pounds. They've screwed up their whole life. And I'm asking them what they are proud of themselves for and they're like, well, nothing. I'm like no, let's come up with something. And as they start congratulating themselves, as they start telling themselves, hey, I can't be proud about something, their life starts changing for the better, because you know the dopamine reward system obviously We've all heard about that and I'm not smart enough to go into the entire Entity of that but basically like, as we reward ourselves for doing good things, we're gonna do more good things, right.
Speaker 3:And so watching that guilt, watching that, that that sense of mistakes that we just beat ourselves up Over with, you know, over and over, and that was a huge lesson for me and the work I do now, Guilt's a massive Thing, and I remember when I was doing a lot of work on myself and there was a lot of guilt that I didn't even recognize I was holding to, and when I was coming from that place of guilt I was never allowing myself the opportunity to do great things. So, as you were saying, then the moment that we can forgive ourselves and remove that guilt, that's when we open the endless opportunities and possibilities for who we can become.
Speaker 2:Oh 100%.
Speaker 3:Did you experience or did you adopt any guilt for being on that list?
Speaker 1:You know, not really. I think for me it was something that taught me not to go there, right like. If anything, it taught me what she was doing wrong very, very clearly. And you know, we learned from so much from people who do not do the right thing right like, and and we learned From people who do do the right thing, and so when I saw what she was doing, I'm like I'm not gonna let myself go there now. Do I make mistakes? Are there things I regret? My past, of course, right like. I lived a pretty Wild youth when I was younger and you know I look back at those things. But am I gonna beat myself up about them now? No, I'll learn from them and I'll try to do better, but I'm not gonna sit there and just feel terrible about myself. You know, over and over and that was the lesson I took from that is to really not do that, because I saw when she was in that mindset that everything else would flare up and again.
Speaker 1:Going back to the, you know the people in the jail that I work with, a lot of them are addicts and what what addiction Essentially does for people is it removes their thinking process, right like if you get super smashed or you, you know you take an opiate or whatever it kind of like numbs your brain and so they're numbing their own, like negative thoughts towards themselves.
Speaker 1:And if you can clear that out manually, like if you can literally forgive yourself, all of a sudden your brain Coms down, your mind comes down and guess what? You don't desire as much drug use right, so it's like. But if you're totally beating yourself up, you're hating yourself. The only relief you're gonna get at that moment is some sort of drug that'll shut down your brain. And so I think we've kind of looked at drugs as as a problem, as as, as opposed to like the symptom of something deeper, and a lot of it is just coming back to our own psychology. You know the way we're looking at ourselves, the way we're looking at the world, and you know that of course, can go down a whole, not the rabbit hole.
Speaker 3:So it is truly the key, though, to allowing ourselves to live exceptional lives is understanding what the symptom is that's leading us to want to numb things. I know for myself when I had an issue with drinking and numbing myself with drugs, it's because I didn't understand how to process anything else. It's like I wanted that break that you spoke about, just to to stop hating myself and to stop making mistakes, and when I was drinking or, you know, under the influence of something, it's like it was just peaceful. Yeah, I wasn't happy, but it was peaceful. Yeah, the next day was horrible, as fucking horrible. Yeah, but that's how that Cycle starts because, like, okay, the only thing I know to do is to begin doing that.
Speaker 3:And when I sort of was exposed to different ways of Dealing with things, like having to become more aware around why I was feeling certain ways, where the pain was coming from, where the what was causing me to feel anxious, I then had help with professionals and spoke to people who had overcome even listening to podcasts like this you know, learning your story more Joe's like you get to then take people's perspectives on how they overcame things, and I was like, ah, drugs and alcohol aren't the only way for me to deal with this. There's more Effective ways that aren't gonna Let have long-term impact on myself, and that's why I just truly believe that the work that you're doing, joe, and I love the fact that you have combined it, tell and fitness together, because quite often which you know, people try to separate. It's like it's all one in the same.
Speaker 3:Yeah yeah, the fact that you're doing that so well is making such a big impact and it's giving blokes One the awareness and the tools to live a better life, apart from just numbing it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love that man and that's that's so powerful.
Speaker 1:What you said, you know, and the, the one thing that stood out was I felt peaceful, you know, and it's like To the listeners and and people listening right now, like just imagine for a second, if you like, literally cleared out your whole psychology.
Speaker 1:Just just practice, like obviously it's a tough thing to do, but just practice for a second and say like I forgive myself for literally everything and and just like see how that would feel for a split second, and the word peace comes right in, like all of a sudden you feel like, wow, I can do anything, I'm not held back, like I Not this, like horrible person, because if we believe that we are, we're gonna continue to do things that Reaffirm that, you know, whereas if you believe, hey, I'm a human being, you know, our arm is spiritual being, having a human experience, I'm gonna make mistakes, but ultimately, like hey, I'm learning my lessons, I'm trying my best. Yes, I screwed up, yes, I'm imperfect, but I'm trying my best here You're gonna end up manifesting so much more in this life, you know, so much more good for yourself and therefore for others as well, you know, and it's just gonna kind of be that ripple impact right there.
Speaker 3:So Do you believe you can forgive yourself Totally from that way of thinking, as opposed to having to go back and rectify every mistake you've ever made individually?
Speaker 1:Very good question and I was actually talking one of my clients about this recently and she was talking about anxiety and I was talking, you know, I do work with cognitive behavioral therapy, which is where you basically take a thought and you, you identify the thought and a lot of times anxiety there's a precursor of some thought, right, some negative thought. Maybe I think the world's gonna end, or I think, you know, my life's gonna be terrible, or I think I'm gonna die of cancer someday, right, and that thought will come up and you start freaking out, you start experiencing the emotions from it. And so I was talking to her like, well, let's write down those thoughts. And she was saying well, the problem is they come in clusters. The thoughts are coming in clusters and the thing about thoughts is a lot of times they're holographic, meaning you don't just think one thought. All these other thoughts will be combined with it. For example, like the thought I was working with her because she's a big, you know she's a Christian and stuff like that.
Speaker 1:So we're working within that context and I was saying to her Well, what about the thought God is love? And she goes okay, I go, think about all the other thoughts that are holographic with that thought that are coming into, that thought which, you know, oh, my life might be okay, maybe I'll, maybe, you know, I'm forgiven to, maybe, maybe my life can be peaceful, maybe I can manifest something good, right, and it's a cluster of thoughts with that one overriding theme. And so a lot of times, when it comes to like the, the theme of forgiveness, you know, going back to every single little thing, it's, it's damn near impossible. But if you can just have that overriding theme for your life, like, hey, I'm here, I'm imperfect, I'm doing the best I can, and, yes, I screwed up today, but hey, the day's not over yet, right, and having these type of themes within your life, that'll create that holographic Mindset that will bring in more positivity there as well. So I think you know that's a really cool question there.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'm glad I feel we agree on that, because there's definitely I've had experiences where and this is for me, and once again, working with professionals They've tried to just keep bringing me back to the shit, to keep having to work through every single event, which I understand, and I can appreciate the process, but if I'm continually going back, I can never move forward. And I love what you said there, where it's like these classes, yeah, but if we can just change the opinion of ourselves, it's like I am worthy or I, yeah, I am exceptional, and just stop leaving that and then attaching how an exceptional version of yourself would act or would show up, that's then gonna make you a better person moving forward rather than going. How about we come back and we deal with this problem as well, because there might be a lot of people who are not? Can we deal with this problem as well, because there might be some pain and trauma? It's like, yeah, the fucking is, that's not going.
Speaker 2:That's happened, but I really want to make forward.
Speaker 1:I just got goosebumps when he said that because it kind of resonated why, probably, I identify with the coaching world more than the psychology world, which I like both, right, like I'm very holistic. I'm not one of these people black or white thinking, like I believe there's a place for everything. But you know, our psychology world has been so Freudian, right, like focus on your past, focus on your childhood and things like that which is obviously beneficial and good for people to do. But the coaching world is more like what are you going to manifest in the future? Like what are you trying to get Right.
Speaker 1:It's very future oriented and, ultimately, like one of the things I've discovered in my life why I am very motivated and I have a lot of goals in my life is our brain needs something to do, like. If our brain has nothing to do, it's going to, like you know, it's going to think of negative things, right and so, and sometimes I was actually talking to one of my buddies about this he's extremely successful guy, he's really young and he's done very well for himself, and he was talking about how he's in this state where he's just trying not to screw it up, which is a very anxious state, right and I was telling him you got to get bigger goals, you got to get higher goals, because if our brain is focused on something future oriented and something positive for our future, whatever that may look like, whether it's fitness, whether it's financial, whether it's relational or it's spiritual, you have something that you're focused towards. Your brain is not going to have time to start thinking about all the ways it could go wrong, you know, and so I'm always having high, high goals, high achievements, and do I hit them all? No, right, but I, once I do hit them, you better believe I'm going to make something else there as well. And so what you said about the psych, you know the psychology. It's like, ok, well, let's go back to your childhood.
Speaker 1:And you're like, well, hey, I'm trying to manifest something like I don't want to sit there and think of it, yeah, which is like I said, you know there is benefic to both and to kind of see where we're at. But I love the coaching space because we work with people's futures and the future is the only thing we have control over, right, like the only thing we can do in the past is change the meaning around what happened. We can't change the circumstances, and so if that you know, a therapist or whatever is working with you like, hey, yeah, you felt like your dad left you because he didn't love you, but in reality he was just going through his own thing, right, you changed the meaning of that. Now you no longer feel maybe abandoned or whatever. That's super beneficial, but also like looking towards the future in some context as well, so important. So, yeah, I can definitely, I can definitely relate to that man. So, yeah, you gave me goosebumps when you said that, but yeah, yeah, I just wanted to ask you that number.
Speaker 3:We're on the same page. I was like perfect, Awesome, we can all this a bit more. But you mentioned as well you work in the prisons. How did you get involved in that and what drew you to that space?
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I do like spiritual counseling in there and you know a little, a little bit about myself and it sounds like you kind of had a wild childhood as well, Like, or maybe you would say, especially being a footballer, and I'm sure you were we have the term out here kind of Chad, you know, which is like yeah, alpha Chad.
Speaker 3:you know we call it like a jock over here, but yeah, same same.
Speaker 1:Yeah, same stuff, which of course, that comes with its own connotation. And again we go back to the guilt and regret things. And, believe me, you know they've done that, bought the t-shirt and happily married now so that life is over, but yeah. So, you know, but when I was in that life and I was making mistakes, it was kind of like why, what am I doing? And I was able to kind of again figure out these things where I was self-sabotaging, I was really screwing up myself because I hated myself, you know.
Speaker 1:And so when I kind of got that idea, I started connecting with some other people who go into the jails and started working with them as well, and so I've been doing that almost 10 years now. So since I was about 20, well, no, about 12 years now, but yeah, 25, something somewhere in there and man, that has been so powerful and I've met some of the most amazing people in there, you know, and I never leave there without feeling like my purpose is fulfilled, you know, like it's just so fulfilling to talk to these guys and really work with them one-on-one and stuff, so but yeah, that's been a really cool experience.
Speaker 3:I've got to ask. So when you go into the prison and you're doing spiritual work, how is that received? Because my opinion and once again I've been in prison twice to visit but going in there, are they receptive to like spiritual work or how does that all work?
Speaker 1:Very, very, and I think you know, obviously, when you're running into somebody on the streets, compared to in there, like they're generally sober, like not always right, they can definitely get drugs in there, but like they're generally sober, they're generally very reflective and so the receptivity is actually higher than the people on the outside. Because, like you and I, we have like shit to do. Right, like I've got a long day today, like oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm, you know, spirituality, cool, whatever. Like I got a ton of crap to do.
Speaker 1:You have like nothing else to do. So they're very receptive to that type of thing and they're looking for answers. You know they're like, you know, because when you get hit over the head like that, it's kind of like, okay, obviously I'm doing something wrong with the universe, or God or whatever is telling me I'm doing something wrong. What is it Like? I want to figure this out. And so you know, they've been very receptive to it.
Speaker 1:I think also to coming from, like you know, if you're you kind of look a little different than maybe some of the other people coming in there, like I'm obviously not like church lady with her curls, you know, or whatever, like at 90 years old telling these people to believe in Jesus, or whatever. Like I'm coming in there, right, yeah. And I think they kind of look at that and say, okay, I'll listen to this guy, what is he got to say? You know? And when I'm getting into some like deep, like emotional things, I think they're like they don't know how to take it, because they're like, okay, this guy's got big old arms, he's got veins coming down and you know, whatever he looks, like he's like talking about you know his, his emotional pain and stuff.
Speaker 1:So I think it's kind of a cool dynamic there where I can really get in there and talk to people that maybe wouldn't wouldn't normally listen to somebody like that. So, yeah, it's been fun, but I've seen them more receptive and, of course, I've learned from them more than anything which you know. This, this whole coaching thing, it's almost like, if anything, it just heals me. You know, when I talk about these things out loud, it's not like I'm coming from a place of enlightenment or figured it all out. All I'm doing is reminding myself of these truths daily. So they resonate more with me because you know I'm still going to struggle, I'm still going to have my issues, you know, whatever. So it's, but it's, if I'm talking about these things, it's a lot easier to work through them personally as well. So it's just kind of that loop and that's one of the things my coach talks about. I don't know if, you know, you're familiar with West Watson at all.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, so that's my coach and of course he spent time in jail as well and stuff and he talks about. He says the thing I see most often is people become very successful in their lives and they don't have an outlet for that, they don't have any way of giving back, and when they don't do that, they've got all this money, they've got all this success, they got all this women they end up self-destructing. So we need that, that continuum, we need to be able to give back. You know Maslow's hierarchy of needs. The top need is self-actualization and giving back, and so that to me, just helps me go on. You know, with the whole coaching stuff as well, and I'm sure that's probably why you stepped into it as well, I can imagine.
Speaker 3:Definitely and you summed up my thoughts around it Exactly right Like we've been able to give back but also wanted to remind myself daily of the things that I know have helped me with a better life. It's exactly how I stepped into it, from my own pitfall of coming out of sport and having everything that I thought I wanted, only to recognize it wasn't. And then you go looking for answers and it's like I built a whole business documenting my journey of the road to redemption and now I've recognized those simple things that I did consistently over about a 10 year period are what helped me get here. I'm not going to stop doing that and by working with people I'm like every day. I'm like all right, I've got to make sure I'm still doing that because I've got to practice what I preach and I understand the value in it.
Speaker 3:Two things you mentioned as well that really jumped out at me with the prison work that you were mentioning the right environment. They were in a place where they didn't have any distractions. Their sole focus was probably in their head why am I here and what do I need to do to sort this out? Like looking for answers, and I always think about and I would assume going to jail for me would be a rock bottom moment. I'm sure it is for a lot of them, and once again, it could be symptoms based around that. Do you believe that we need to hit rock bottom in order to create change, or do you feel it's possible for men who are listening to this, who are sort of on the knife's edge, where they're not stoked about their life, but it's not you know shit either?
Speaker 1:But I love that question and that is such a good question because I think you know a lot of people sometimes will think that, well, maybe I got to fuck up my life before.
Speaker 3:When you say that it sounds ridiculous.
Speaker 1:It's kind of true. You know a lot of people are like okay, I got to have my rock bottom moment before.
Speaker 1:I figure it out. And what I've done personally to kind of alter my psychology from that and it kind of comes back to my friend, who's very successful, done very well for himself is he thinks that's the peak, he thinks that's a pinnacle. And what I'll come through and challenge him on is like, hey, you got way more to go. And so you know, we react to our standards. And if your life is like you look at your life and well, I got a pretty good life, you know, I got a house, I got a wife, I got you know some success or whatever, and somebody comes into you there maybe it's like your higher self or say it's God or something like that, and he comes in and been like this is your potential, this is where you could have been. And when you start looking at it from that perspective, it's like, man, I got a long way to go. And then we start to get into that process of growth again. And so I think we don't necessarily need to hit a bottom, but we have to have a higher standard that we're shooting for, because once we have that higher standard, we realize all the areas that we are messing up currently which, yeah, we can keep, we can maintain a pretty decent life, to whatever standard you know, the collective consciousness has decided this is a good life.
Speaker 1:Or we can say, hey, I've got a way bigger potential, like you know how much work it came for me to be born, like all my grandparents. All these, all these stuff had to happen, they had to survive there. And now you're born. Now you're here and you have a unique potential that literally nobody else could fulfill and it's not keeping up with the Joneses. It's not like comparison, it's something that could be way beyond that.
Speaker 1:And look at where you're at now. All of a sudden you'll get that drive, you'll get that fire inside you and be like, damn, I'm going to grow, I'm going to work harder, I'm going to try harder, I'm going to you know. So it does initially have to look from that perspective because obviously, from the comparison way, like those guys in the jail are looking at their lives and looking at maybe our lives or other people around who have a decent nine to five and they're like man, I'm way below that. So they're comparing themselves, which is making them want to strive to get to the kind of collective consciousness. But when you're already in that level and you're already living a quote, standard life like that's where I think comparison can go wrong and we hear a lot about it, you know, within the social media world like don't compare your life to others. It's very bad for your mental health and stuff like that, and I think that's true.
Speaker 1:But I think one of the ways we're really screwing up with that is if you're comparing yourself to others and say like, oh, I'm better than these people you know, like imagine if, like Gandhi looked at his brothers, or Martin Luther King or Jesus or something is like oh yeah, I'm just, I'm just going to be a little better than them, you know, and they compared themselves to it and felt good, because they were on that like oh, yeah, I'm kicking my brother's ass right now Like it went in reality, had a way bigger destiny, a way bigger thing, and that's that's an internal thing.
Speaker 1:You know, that's between you and yourself. And really sitting going, what is my potential and am I really fulfilling that? And that's a question is unique for all of us. And so when you really tap into that and you're like man, my potential is so much higher and look at me screwing off over here, you know, doing the yeah, I'm better than my family, or yeah, I'm better than my friends, but that doesn't mean anything because you know I've got a way higher potential there and that just gives you that fire again to not have to hit rock bottom but to pursue more and to get better every day.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I love that. For me it's it's looking at, even for those who hit those financial goals, because when I'm looking at like what a bigger life looks like, it's getting you know, being specific on what you think that could look like. You know, things change as we grow and our priorities change, but if we don't give ourselves a specific thing to work toward, it's very hard to make that specific plan around who we need to become, what skills we need to learn, what environments we need to be in, and a lot of the people or the men that I work with already have enough money. Mm, hmm, yeah, that's what most people are struggling for is money, because I think that's the solution to everything. But then with more money comes a lot more problems. So then I'm asking myself this is for my own growth and development is okay if I want to continue maintaining his income.
Speaker 3:The new challenge that I want to solve is how can I maintain that while being the best fucking husband that no other husband thought they could be, because they had the responsibility of ex business? How can I do that and you're doing it really well as well While not getting the dad bod, because everyone thinks they need to sacrifice, and there is sacrifice, but when you learn to become more efficient and you create leverage, you can kill it like you can master all this shit. And that's where, for me, it's like I still want to continue growing my business, but right now, at the phase of life, I'm in and say, okay, I want to keep growing up, but how am I going to bring my six pack abs with me and my relationship with me so that, when I do reach where I'm currently driving towards, it's all there?
Speaker 1:I love that. I love that and I love your holistic idea of goals. Right, Because sometimes people look at goals and say, oh, materialistic goals are bad, you shouldn't have those, or you should only have altruistic goals or whatever, or vice versa. And of course it's got to be this or that way, black or white thinking. But I think the holistic approach is so important because some of our goals are going to be superficial, Some of them are going to be silly, Some of them are going to be like people are going to maybe raise an eyebrow and you say I want this type of car. But then, on the deeper level, what kind of husband do I want to be, what kind of person do I want to be? And I think that is awesome. And I love how you said the efficiency there too, because a lot of times we look at working out or taking care of yourself. Well, that takes time, that's an effort, but really you become more efficient in your life, you end up thinking better, thinking more clearly and ultimately you end up creating more time.
Speaker 1:I went to the doctors a few years ago because that was kind of out of shape at the dad bod back in the day and stuff, and I went to the doctor and he's like your numbers all improved. He's like you may have increased your lifespan because we have a pretty good connection with our doctor. And I remember thinking, OK, so I'm spending time in the gym say, it takes an hour or whatever to work out and I maybe created another year of my life If you factor that in. We're actually creating time in the gym because we create a longer longevity life for ourselves. So it's like and of course that compounds to everything else so, as we do these activities that take time oh I don't want to think of my gratitude things today, or I don't want to work out today, or I don't want to read a book today we end up creating more time for ourselves because we don't screw up in other areas that may take away time. So, yeah, that's super cool and it sounds like.
Speaker 3:Very well put man. Much to your admission is like I'm not perfect with all of it, but it's definitely something that I consider because I've watched my dad just focus on his career, which, once again, different generation, but he sacrificed time with his kids and his health, and I've worked with a lot of people, as have you. I've listened to a lot of podcasts and there's a great book, Five Regrets to the Dino Five Truths to the Dino, by Bronnie LaVara. If you've read that one, I'll send it to you after. It's a phenomenal book, but one that I highly recommend everyone reads because it gives you a perspective. So the general synopsis is Bronnie, she worked with people who were at the end of their life and she started.
Speaker 3:Hospice, yeah, hospice, and started conversing and ended up writing a book with the Five Regrets or Five Truths, and none of them were about your career, oh, wow, it was always about like, yeah, I wish I took more risks, I wish I had more fun, just simple things that we can all do now, and what I'm grateful for is that that information is available to us now. It's the practice of how do I remind myself to live in the moment and things like you mentioned, joe, with gratitude, or even me having a coach as well, where they constantly remind me of what's actually important. It's like, yeah, chase the materialistic things because they're fucking awesome. If you want a car, go chase the car, but don't forget what you're going to really care about when you're at that moment in your life.
Speaker 1:Right, absolutely, absolutely, and that is so important. But we need both levels. I don't know, have you ever read the science of getting rich Wall swaddles? I feel like.
Speaker 3:Yeah, no, let's associate my habit.
Speaker 1:It's permeated within the kind of, like you know, metaphysical world and stuff, and it was actually the book that brought on the book of the secret.
Speaker 1:So the person who wrote the book, he read that first. But he talks about the different levels and he's like you want to satisfy your soul, right, which your soul is love and all these great altruistic things. But he's like you also want to satisfy your physical self and your intellectual self and all these other things. And he's like don't neglect one area for the area of others. And what was interesting about him is he came from a very I think it was like Methodist or something like that. And him talking about these things like, yeah, have material goals as well. I think that he was actually ousted from the church, from heresy, because he was saying these types of things, but really he was saying like, have all of them. You know, you want to have the soul goals, you want to have the relational goals and you want to have other goals to just keep you going, because life is about expansion, life is about growth.
Speaker 1:And when I see like a Ferrari or something, I see like human ingenuity at its greatest right, like it's like Ferrari is like you see, the engineering meets art, you know, and it's just like what can you do? And it's not like we need that, like nobody needs a Ferrari, but it's like we did it because it's awesome. Just like a flower, we look at life and we're like man. You know, there's no real reason that we don't eat them or anything. They're just beautiful.
Speaker 1:You know, and I think, and I really think, the meaning of life is like that beauty, that expansion, that growth and to see what we can do. You know, look back at our life and then, like man, I poured it on and I wanted this cool thing and I went for it and it was awesome and I inspired a lot of people along the way as well, you know, and so that's my old mindset around it, and it just again, it gives me excited about life, which I think there's a lot of people out there who do not feel excited about life, and that's very sad to me, and it's like you should wake up every day and be like man. This is such a cool journey and a lot of that comes down to our goals and what we're focused on, you know.
Speaker 3:So, yeah, Dude, you're going in a good direction. It's like give yourself something that excites the hell out of you to get out of bed. We're looking at it anyway.
Speaker 3:You're going to your feet are going to touch the floor, so you may as well create something that is so compelling that you're jumping out of bed and everyone has the ability to do that. Even if you're stuck in the worst possible job or situation, it's like there's pockets of time where we can stuck on. Now I remember when I was a chippy I'm sorry, a tradee for the American audience, who don't? We have weird sayings for everything but a tradesman after rugby, and I hated it.
Speaker 3:So what I was excited about was I would work from six till sort of five, but from five till 11,. I was learning online business. I was learning how to speak better, how to network cold calling, and I was excited for work after work, because I knew that the work after the work was going to. At the time I wanted to earn a million dollars, but now that I'm, you know it's more about who I became earning the million dollars. That's what excited me, and I think anyone who's struggling to get out of bed do exactly what Joe just said. It's like give yourself a good fucking raising to get out of bed. You get to create that.
Speaker 1:Absolutely and, of course, like from a philosophical or philosophical perspective sorry, lost the word there it's like when we're talking about thought clusters, like why else would the world be created, you know, except for just like the creation, expansion? You know, we go back to that mindset Like this whole thing is is for our joy, for our experience and for whatever created us joy and experience. So we want to ride that wave of joy throughout our lives and whatever that looks like to each of us. And it's going to be individual. And that's why, with my clients, I never tell them like, oh, you got to have a six pack. Oh, you got to make money, you got to do you know, you got to have a great relationship, you know monogamous, whatever they're into Like I'm, like you know what that is. I don't know what that is, because that's in between you and yourself.
Speaker 1:That's a unique thing that is on your own mind and that may be something completely different than I'm thinking. My goal is to get you there. It's not to like create this is what you should want or whatever, because if you're going after, like you said, a tradesman, that could be a great goal for somebody and maybe that's exactly what they want in their life, Like there's probably somebody working at a grocery store right now who is completely fulfilling their purpose, and they know it and they wake up every day and they love life because that's what they were called to do in this life. But that may not be your calling, that may not be my calling. You know, we have something that we want to express further, or something deeper or whatever, and again, no judgment there, but it's it's tapping into that and being like man. That would be cool if, and then finishing that statement or whatever that is, that's what you should be going for, you know.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and that also ties into that having a higher purpose to allow yourself to think that way, because many people we all experience it. Where you feel like you want to fit in, you want to blend in, so you do what most people do, which is why so many people are unhappy. When you hang around big thinkers like yourself, joe, it's hard not to feel inspired, to go. What do I actually want? Right? Maybe I can challenge what I thought was possible. And you know, for those who listen to this podcast, there are people in your life who you know you need to spend more time around. There are people in your life who you know you need to distance yourself from. You need to give yourself a reason to make that change. No one can do that for you, joe. You can't make it happen. We can guide you. I can't make it happen, we can just guide it, and you've got to be the one to take action on that, Absolutely.
Speaker 3:You posted a reel a few weeks ago and you mentioned your favorite quote and you really broke it down. I'm just going to say the quote, because I loved how you did break it down and what it meant to you. But live and let witness. Why does that hold so much value to you?
Speaker 1:I think a lot of times, you know when people get into this mindset and you know they really get into, you know, consuming podcasts, consuming self-help content their first mission is everybody around them. Right, it's like, oh, my wife is going to hear it.
Speaker 2:You know she's going to get her assing here.
Speaker 1:I was like I just want to watch the bachelor, like leave me alone, you know, whatever. I'm like no, honey, let's grind, you know. And so to not like drive everybody around you crazy, right? It's like the zealot, you know, religious guy who's trying to convert his whole family at Thanksgiving dinner or whatever, you know, it's like we will drive people nuts and so, but. And people do not respond to that, right, like if you just come at people with hardcore, you should do this, you should do that, like. A lot of times they don't respond to that unless they are clients, are actually asking for it.
Speaker 1:Most people just get turned off by that. Sometimes they'll go the exact opposite direction. You know, we see that with kids. You know where the dad is like pushing me, the kid, in one direction, and the kid goes out and decides to use drugs or something to completely piss off his dad, and so with that mindset, it's like my favorite quote and this is actually coming from my coaches like live.
Speaker 1:We always say live and let live, you know. But it's like live and let witness, and if you are living a certain way, you're doing certain things with your life, with your body. That's why, like, I try to stay in such good shape, because it's obvious when people look at me they're like, oh damn, this guy is taking care of themself Maybe. And look how happy is, maybe if I took care of myself I would be happy as opposed to me like out of shape in their face saying why aren't you working out? Like nobody's going to listen to that. But if they see somebody that is living it, who was actually emulating this idea like their entire life is an idea, then that will rub off on people. So his, his quote is like live and let witness, and you've got to let those people go that aren't going to be resonating with that. I mean we can't try to change them. It's just like an, an endless struggle.
Speaker 1:And again with the jail stuff or even with friends in my past, sometimes I would really try to get them off drugs or off drinking and it was like I was pouring so much energy into a black hole and ultimately like I can give somebody a seed or something and it may grow, it may die, right, like. But if I'm, if I'm just living that people will see the example. And so many people are like great pontificators. You know, we'll see it on Instagram, where people just post motivational stuff all day long.
Speaker 1:I mean, you look at their life and you're like, okay, like are you really believing what you're saying? Right, like I want to look at somebody's life and see that they are actually living what they're speaking, you know. And so that's like the the idea comes back to, and again that's a challenge for me Like, am I really doing these activities that I'm telling everybody else to do? Am I really taking care of myself? Am I really forgiving myself? Am I really trying to think positive? Am I really trying to spend time with my family? And those questions keep me on point, you know, and if I am, people are going to see that, they're going to see that emulate off me, and then they are going to get the, the results that they're looking for, by the example, not from me, you know, telling them to live a certain way. It's going to be more of the example itself.
Speaker 3:So Love it, man. It's been an absolute pleasure chatting with you, joe, and for those who want to find you and for those who are watching on YouTube, you can see Joe's Instagram handle there mental health, underscore, fitness dad. But where else can people find you or reach out to you, joe?
Speaker 1:So you can always get get me in the DMs there, you can also. I've got a YouTube and if you, if you need to reach out or anything like that, I can always give you my number. I'm super open when it comes to that stuff and if anybody's interested, I'd love to chat it up. So yeah, awesome.
Speaker 3:I'll put all the details in the show notes Everyone so you can see under the connect with Joe. There'll be all his links there. But Joe, look over and everyone. Thank you for coming on the show.
Speaker 1:Thank you. It was a pleasure, it was good to resonate with you. I think you're you're one of these people that is living, living his purpose, and it's it's easy to see on you. So keep up the good work, man.
