The Hidden Danger of a 'Good Enough' Life #673

The most dangerous trap isn't failure—it's success that's just good enough.

In this episode, I break down what I call The Comfort Trap: the silent erosion that happens when life isn't bad enough to change, but isn't good enough to feel alive. I share my own story of walking away from six years of business to move to Nashville, the internal battle I faced, and the one question that changed everything.

If you've ever woken up asking "Is this all there is?" even though your life looks good on paper—this episode is for you.

WHAT WE COVER:

• What The Comfort Trap actually is (and why it's more dangerous than failure)

• The 3 stages of erosion most men don't see coming

• Warning signs you're stuck in The Comfort Trap

• The question that helped me decide to take the leap

• How The Comfort Trap connects to Clear Purpose in my Core 4 framework

• The Resilience Loop: practical steps to escape

RESOURCES:

• Take the FREE Life Performance Scorecard: https://lifeperformance.scoreapp.com/

• 30-day Life-Performance Reset :  https://stan.store/lachlanstuart/p/the-30day-life-performance-reset-for-men 

• Connect on Instagram: @lachlanstuart

ABOUT THE HOST:

Lachlan Stuart is a life performance coach helping high-performing men aged 30-50 build lives they're proud of. Known for completing 58 marathons in 58 days, Lachlan brings real experience and practical frameworks to the conversation.

If this episode resonates, please leave a review—it helps other men find this show.

Transcript

The Comfort Trap Defined

Lachlan Stuart 0:00

In October 2023, I packed up my entire life and moved to Nashville, Tennessee. On paper, I had zero reasons to leave Brisbane. I'd spent six years building my coaching business. I had great clients, I had a really strong network, and for the first time in my life, money wasn't a stress, and man, it was a good feeling. I was fit, I was traveling, and I was married to an incredible woman. I was living a life that 10 years ago, or the 10 year ago me would have just dreamed of. But there was this one question that wouldn't go away. Is that all there is? And that question, that's the trap. I call it the comfort trap. And today I want to show you why it might be the most dangerous place you can be and how to get out of it. And before you start thinking, well, what if I want to live in a place of contentment or sorry, not contentment, of being content? I don't believe you would be listening to this podcast if you weren't asking yourself that question. Is this all there is? Or what am I really capable of? Look, if your life is falling apart, you would do something about it, right? Crisis forces an action, and that's what happens when life is just fine. But what happens when life is just fine? When it's not bad enough to change, but not really good enough to feel alive either. You know, you wake up some days and you're just really experiencing that question. You're like, I've worked my whole life and I've done everything that I've been told to do, and this you know, I'm really just wondering, is this all there is? It's such a weird experience to live through. And I'm sure you have had moments of it, I've definitely had moments of it, and I'm doing everything I possibly can to make sure that I don't experience that again, and people like you don't experience it either. I'm Lorgan Stewart and I have coached over 1,200 high-performing men. I'm also the guy who ran 58 marathons in 58 consecutive days from Alaska, you know, all 50 states of America, to Brisbane, and I ran all eight states and territories of Australia. And here's what I've learned the most dangerous place isn't rock bottom, although that does suck. It's comfortable mediocrity. And here's why. Think of it like a riverbed that is slowly erodes over time. You know, you won't necessarily notice it happening. The water looks calm, everything seems stable. Then one day the whole thing just washes out, just collapses. That's what comfort does when you mistake it for contentment. Now, here's where it gets tricky. Being content and being trapped almost look identical from the outside. Let's define them. So being content means you genuinely appreciate where you are, you understand how your life will play out, and you are at peace with that. And if you're one of those lucky buggers, I tell you what, I am so envious of that because I've never been able to experience it. And I have spoken to so many people who have, and I'm just like, good on you. Like, genuinely, I am so happy for you. But for me, I've found myself in a position where I am very content with my life, and as I said a moment ago, I'm content with what I'd created, but I still wanted more. You know, I still want to, I guess, squeeze everything I can out of life. And if you're listening to this, I would probably suggest you're probably leaning to that too. And so there is no nagging question asking you, but if there is, the comfort trap is different. Life is good. You know, I had a bloke, actually, I'll share more about that in a moment. But when you look at like life being good, you're constantly thinking about what it could be, and there's this interesting process where if you live too much in the past, you end up depressed, or you never feel good enough, or you constantly, I was the guy who, and you don't really focus on who you're becoming. And I am a big believer in who we become in life, you know, determines more than who we are right now. Like, I believe we should be stretching and growing and trying new things, getting feedback, and just constantly evolving. That's what excites me, and I really want to push that on to not so much push that, but inspire other people to keep pushing towards what they're capable of. But if you're constantly looking for more about what it could be, the change that you know you want to make, you don't necessarily do it. And the pain isn't strong enough to motivate you. And that's that comfort trap where you know you need to do something, but it's not uncomfortable enough. And the question just sits there and it gets louder and louder. Is that all there is? What am I really capable of? I have started with a new client recently, and this guy is wildly successful financially, has a beautiful family, has a lot of nice things. And he constantly reminds me, and when we catch up, he's like, My life doesn't suck. But I came to you because I want to know what else I'm capable of. I feel like I'm working at 70% of my life. What would it look like if I squeezed an extra 10% out? Such an awesome way to live and such a great way to look at it because a lot of people wait until we hit rock bottom before we do anything. So many of you are happy with your life, but it's like my relationship could be better, my marriage could be better, my health could be better, I could have more experiences and adventures. When you start looking at it like that, we're constantly bringing new information and you look at life a little bit differently rather than just going head in the sand, this is it. This is, you know, this is what my hard work got me, and it's not what I thought it could be. We never stop. We never stop at all. So it also just quickly, if you're wondering where you actually stand right now, you know, across your health, your mindset, your purpose, and your confidence, I created a free life performance scorecard that will give you clarity in under four minutes, depending on how fast you are. But check the link in the description. What does a comfort trap actually look like? So it will show up differently for everyone. But let me give you some patterns that I see all the time, and you could probably take some notes right now, or you're probably gonna have some light bulb moments. There's a guy who worked hard to land his dream job, years of grinding, finally gets there, and then realizes it isn't what he thought it would be. But rather than make a change, he convinces himself that he's invested way too much in this to walk away. Meanwhile, something inside of him is slowly eroding. Or the man, another example, the man in a relationship that's fine, you know, it's not bad. Just okay. Same thing day in, day out. He's not miserable, but he's not, I guess, alive either. He feels like we're slowly drifting apart. Keeps asking himself, how can I make this better? How can I get that zest and that passion and that excitement back? Unfortunately, life continues to get in the way. You know, life always seems to have a way of getting in the way of us living. And the dude never explores the answer. It's the idea that keeps getting louder, like, what could my marriage be like? What could my relationship be like? But then you stay stuck in the exact same routine that made you ask the question in the first place. It doesn't make sense. And this is why last week's episode on journaling is so important because this is where we allow ourselves the space to reflect and the space to come up with new ideas to act on. Before I moved to Nashville, I was noticing this pattern in myself. I was living an incredible life. Don't get me wrong. As I said, the 10-year-old me, the guy 10 years ago, would have been so pumped to be living that life. But once you actually get feedback and you start living it, we tend to take things for granted because it just becomes a thing that we do. I felt like I was really living the day on repeat. And look, it was a it was a brilliant day. But I had that question and I chose to listen to it. That question around what am I really capable of? Is this the all there is? Like, would I really be happy doing this for the next decade? And the truth was, I could get away with it, but I'm not one of those people who just want to get away with it. I want to thrive, and that means taking risks. And it was in that moment when the Nashville opportunity came up that I thought to myself, well, this is this is a sign. This is an opportunity for me to break away from patterns and really test myself again to grow. Because to get to that point, I had to learn new skills, I had to take risks, I had to build a business, I had to create new friendships, and that was the fun. I looked back at the stories, and they were the stories. Getting the rejections, losing money, poor investments, injuring myself. That was when I learned the most. And I realized that now that I was comfortable, I wasn't learning, I wasn't stretching myself, and yeah, I probably wasn't gonna be happy in 10 years' time. But here's the thing about failure: you see it coming, right? You know that hey, if I'm having a crack at this, there's a you know probability or a possibility that I'm gonna fail. And these are potential ways that it could play out. But when you risk, you know it's not gonna work out all the time. That's why it's a risk. You prepare for that possibility, you've made peace with it. You might lose some money, you may look like a fool. The comfort trap though, that is silent. You trick yourself into believing that staying put is the safe option. Like, what a trick. That the only way to make things worse is by actually taking the leap. My life's good, I don't want to risk it, lose everything. But that question doesn't go away, trust me, it does not go away, it gets louder. You might build resentment and you don't want to live a resentful life, trust me. And you one day you may just snap. Or this is the one that really gets me. You might look back in 20 years with regret. That's not what you want to do. And look, there's a high probability you're gonna have regret. We all have it, but if you're in a position to start thinking about it, you can ask yourself, which regrets would I prefer to live with? And that is something that you get to own. I see it all the time, and you may hear about it, there's like midlife crises, but men in their mid-40s waking up and asking, is this all there is? You know, they thought they did everything right, they got the good job, they got the nice house, the jet skis, the family, but they never really challenged themselves, never took the risk, and now they're stuck with a question that they can't answer. And I, you know, I could not count how many men say I'd love to have some of the experiences that you have, Lockie, or how do you get mates together to go and do those things? And I believe it's very simple. One, you have to decide that you want to do something, two, you just decide on anything, it could be learning to surf, it could be you do an overnight walk, it could be 58 marathons, or your version of that, and then you just invite some people to come along with you. Figure it out. It doesn't have to be perfect, but every time you do that, you're flexing the muscle of creating new experiences. You might say to your mates, and I suggested this to a client the other day, you might say, Hey, invite one mate to go off and tell him to bring a mate, and you'll bring a mate and you'll meet some new people. You might do that once a month, and over the course of the year, you're gonna meet a range of new people, which may introduce you to other people, other experiences, but it's a great habit to get into if you aren't very social or if you would like to expand your friend network. And that's a completely different, I guess, talk or podcast blog that we'll do later on. But think about it going back to the comfort trap, it doesn't just keep you stuck, it shrinks what you believe is possible. Why? Because when you are in the realm of expansion, you start to see everything is becoming possible because you're constantly showing up to or facing up to problems and overcoming those problems and go, oh, if I can do that, I sure as shit can do that. And this is exactly why I created that life performance scorecard that I mentioned under four minutes, shows you where you're strong and where you're drifting. So make sure you go hit that in the description and you'll get instant feedback plus a few steps that you can work forward on. I want to tell you what I did about it when I hit that comfort trap. I was enjoying life massively, but I wanted more. Not because I was ungrateful, I believe you, I believe you can be content and still strive for growth, or at least that's what I'm telling myself because that's how I've lived for a very long time, and I am such a happy dude, I'm so grateful, and I'm constantly striving for more. I want new stories, new experiences, and I want to find out what I'm capable of, especially over the next 10 years, 20 years, 30 years. I don't want to just go, my best years were in my 20s. No, every year we're making it better, which is why I have that big calendar behind me. But when the opportunity came to move to America with my wife Amy, I knew we had to take it. But mate, the excuses they came hard and they came fast. Why would you walk away from what you built? This is what you've always wanted. What if you don't make money over there, Lockie? What if you have to come back, you know, with your tail between your legs, you're telling everyone you're going on this adventure? Sounds familiar, right? It sounds almost like the 58 marathon story. But here is how I negotiated with myself. If I built something once, I know I can build it again. That roadmap exists, and on the other side of risk, over the other side of the riverbank is reward and new experiences and sometimes feedback, plenty of feedback. The question that settled it was this if I keep living exactly as I am right now for the next five to ten years, will I be happy? And I I really couldn't answer that with certainty. So I jumped at it, and worst case, we move back to Brisbane and start again. That is not that bad of a worst case. It to be honest, it's quite great. Now, let me be real with you. It wasn't easy. I gave up clients that I saw face to face, I gave up a network of friends that I'd built over years, I gave up time with our family, not knowing how long we'd be gone or what we'd miss. And the first few months over there were so hard, so so hard. Nashville was heading into winter, right? While Australia was warming up. You picture this. In summer, everyone's outside exercising, mingling at the park. It's easy to sort of bump into people and at coffee shops and build new connections. In winter, everyone stays in their home. So people aren't out and being active. We didn't have a car, we didn't know what our way around and the exchange rate. That was so brutal. Like that was so brutal. I remember buying coffees, right? They're like$7 US, which is like$11 Australian at the time. I'm thinking 11 bucks for a coffee. I don't even want to do that anymore. And we had no social circle that I could complain to about that. Nah, actually just catch up with people. But we did make a rule. We said to ourselves, let's say yes to every invitation that we, you know, that pops up, should they pop up, every opportunity, let's just put ourselves in a position to meet new people, even when it felt awkward. And so this is a really crazy story. I had an old client or a bloke who used to attend our men's circles in Brisbane reach out on Facebook and we didn't speak that much, so it was a bit of a random message. And he said, Hey Lockie, I see you're in Nashville. My dad's actually hosting a Canadian Thanksgiving. Do you want to go along? And I just thought, going back to our rule, say yes to everything. I was like, Yeah, of course, that would be amazing. And so we went to this event, and none of us really wanted to go because we were tired, we were jet lagged. But we went anyway, and we walked into this room and there was about 45 people, and instantly we hit it off. Like Brett, who is the the host, came up and said, Which one of you is Lockheed? You know, knows my son. And and they said, I hear I understand a number of you are in a band. And we're like, Yeah, but he's like, Awesome, would you be open to playing a song later on in the night? And they'll like, yeah, for sure. And there was this other great artist there called Brett Kissle. And if you haven't listened to Brett Kissle, go check him out. But he played his song, and then uh my wife and and her brother and sisters jump up and they played their song Geronimo. The whole room goes, Whoa, that's you guys. And that opportunity that we said yes to opened up everything, and we made some great friends off the back of that, and then started being able to, you know, I Liam and I got into a golf group and started making some other friends. But another one that we did as well that I think's important, prior to that, there was about a three-month period, and or not from the jet lag, but period where I was just reaching out to people on Instagram, like that were fitness people training at gyms, like sport, because I thought that you know that's what I enjoy. Chances are we'll hit it off with someone. And there was a guy, JT, who I've spoken about and I've had on the podcast before. He eventually just said, Hey mate, come in for a session. Liam and I went in for a session, we hit it off, and then I just kept following up. Hey, can we come for another session? We should go for a run, and we build a really good friendship and we're mates to this day. And that was another opportunity, and I think it's so cool because had I not used social media, maybe I would have been limited with our connection. So that was a really cool moment, that's for sure. And there were definitely moments where I wondered, I'm sure you experience this too. Are we too old to make friends? Has everyone already locked in their social circles? Do they want to make friends with the Aussies? You know, they've probably got kids, they don't have time for all the other stuff. But here's the thing: when you strip away all the comforts and routines, you get to find out who you really are, what you're actually willing to do to build the life that you want. And I, you know, it doesn't feel cool saying I was just messaging people on social media. I don't think that sounds cool, but it worked. And I've made some great friends, met some cool people as a result of that. Super stoked. I became a better person and I proved to myself that I could make friends from scratch. I'd spoken about it on the podcast a lot, and I often tell people, hey, you don't have to be limited by the network that you have. You can create a new network. And that was what I proved to myself that I could succeed in an unfamiliar environment, and it just comes back down to who you are and what you believe you're capable of, and as I said, what you're prepared to do. And that was pretty cool because I realized that I was more adaptable than I gave myself credit for. And here's the big one I never would have attempted the 58 marathons in 58 days had I stayed in Brisbane. I wouldn't have even thought about it, right? Life was way too comfortable to take a risk like that. But being around people who thought bigger really, really inspired me. The cool thing about JT, he trains NFL athletes, some really inspiring musicians. And it's just a it's almost like a boiling pot of people who have moved to Tennessee, Nashville to chase their dreams. And when you're around people like that, it's contagious. You're hearing about the risks they're taking. Some of them are living on the bones of their ass, but they're still stoked and they're having a crack. And I'm thinking, well, I'm comfortable and I'm not having a crack. So I've got more behind me. Let's have a let's really roll up the sleeves and see what I'm capable of. Like, what have I got to lose? Really? At the end of the day, I just want to look back and know that I've given life a red hot crack. And in the core four framework that we create, that I work with my clients, and there's a program that you can take after the scorecard. Clear purpose is one of those pillars of a high-performing life. So without it, you drift, right? You drift in and out because you don't have something pulling you to a higher purpose. And you end up in that comfort trap without even realizing it. But with a clear purpose, you make decisions that are going to stretch you. You know which choices are going to move you towards who you want to become and which ones are going to keep you stuck. And the comfort trap is that warning sign. The clear purpose is your way out. So if you're recognizing this in yourself, if you're sitting there going, this is really starting to make sense. But if you're also scared to make that move, here is what I would say. I talk about this a lot in my keynotes. With what I call the resilience loop. Step one, know your goal or the North Star, right? Get crystal clear on where you want to go and who you want to become. Not what society says, not what your parents wanted, but what you actually want. Step two, identify choices, right? Look at your daily decisions. One is a vote for the version of yourself that you want to become, the other is a version that you don't want to become. And that's very simple, right? Black or white. Step three, stack the small wins. You don't have to blow your life up tomorrow, right? What's the smallest possible move that you can make that feels uncomfortable but doable? Make that move and you're going to get yourself in some momentum. And obviously, the more momentum you're in, the bigger steps that you will take. The person who escapes a comfort trap builds confidence. They feel like they're in the driver's seat of their life. I continuously say it. Your body is the vehicle, your mind is the driver. You build confidence and you're going to feel unstoppable. When I finished the 58 marathons, I became the third person in history to complete the 50 states marathon challenge in consecutive days. My confidence in my ability to achieve hard things was sky high. And that compound will continue to compound over time. The person who says they're stuck, they were on the same loop forever. I'm not good enough. I should have started earlier. I just wish I'd done it. But they never answer the question, or they never get to answer that question. What am I really capable of? And so if this is resonating with you, the next step isn't always doing more, it's getting clear on where you actually are. Build that baseline. Take the scorecard. It's in the the details are in the link below. But here is what I want you to believe: you are capable of so much more than you think. You're stronger than you believe, and the resilience inside of you is deeper than you can fathom. And waiting, it's not as comfortable as it feels. It's a slow erosion and it eventually will catch up with you. So don't let it. And so many men are unhappy with their life, and they shouldn't be. We we've all got different circumstances and situations, but it's how we view the events that are happening to us that really influences that. And if you start working on your inner world, you will change your outer world. If this was helpful, subscribe to the channel, click the link, uh, check out some of the other videos. We're building something here for men who want to perform at their best without burning out. And if you know another guy who needs to hear this, send it to them. I would really, really appreciate that. Let's keep it building.