Diva Tonight with Carlene Humphrey
Diva Tonight with (Carlene Humphrey) offers a unique blend of personal anecdotes, expert insights, and candid conversations, providing a safe and supportive space for listeners to explore their relationships and personal growth.
this is 40 a female perspective focuses on celebrating life at 40, what it means to live life and be happy with who you are.
Diva Tonight " Glamour for your ears "
Diva Tonight with Carlene Humphrey
Beyond Abuse: finding Your Power at 40 : A Sneak Peak
This episode features an inspiring conversation with Jodi Law, who shares her emotional journey of leaving an abusive relationship at 40. Her story highlights the importance of self-discovery, healing, and finding one's voice after personal trauma.
• Discussion about Jodi's background and her work in healthcare
• Exploration of emotional abuse and its impact on self-identity
• The turning point leading to Jodi's decision to leave her marriage
• The complexity of leaving behind an abusive situation, particularly with children involved
• Insights into the healing journey through yoga and energy medicine
• Encouragement for listeners experiencing similar struggles to seek help and embrace change
Thanks for listening to Diva Tonight!
I want to thank my Podcast Editor Sean for helping with the show, and all the Guests who have made the time to share their stories.
Thanks to Altered by Mom for sponsoring the music for the show!
Music provided by Altered by Mom
Check out their new song Okay Okay!
Follow Altered by mom on social media!
https://www.instagram.com/alteredByMom/
https://www.tiktok.com/@alteredbymom
Check out the show @ https://divatonight.buzzsprout.com/
Follow the show on social media
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Diivaontheradio/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/diivaontheradio
Tik Tok https://www.tiktok.com/diivaontheradio
Twitter https://twitter.com/DivaontheRadio
If you would like email the show with an idea an email at Divaontheradio@gmail.com
Hi, I'm Carlene and this is Diva. Tonight I have with me on Zoom Jodi Law and she is in Manchester, uk, united Kingdom. I guess is what you say. Most people say, the UK. So how are you, hi, carlene?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm okay, that's good. The accent is not very Mancunian.
Speaker 1:Definitely, I think. I think a lot of people in, especially here in North America, we're always a little bit obsessed with the British accent, or, you know, just any accent that sounds different from ours. Because you're, so it's carried as the the well-spoken right.
Speaker 2:So and so then then an Australian accent comes on. Completely sorry about that that's okay.
Speaker 1:so, anyways, the show is diva tonight and this is 40, a female perspective and basically, um, I'm talking to women who have, who are 40, or women who are older, just to talk about their personal stories and their personal experiences. And for you, you've had quite the journey. You've worked in the health care sector, for health system for 30 years and you know, I think the hardest thing to discuss is being in an emotionally abusive marriage for 11 years. You know, I wasn't, I'm not married, but I think I can understand what that's like myself, because abusive family is what I grew up with and I don't really talk about it. But I think when you're at this stage in life, you are comfortable talking about certain things. So for you, what was the deciding factor in leaving an abusive relationship? What was the turning point? Yeah, that's it.
Speaker 2:Like you know, I have come such a long way since then, but for me there was a couple of things that happened actually. So it was actually a 20-year marriage. Yeah, we were 12 years in before I had children. So at that stage my children were really like five and seven. They were young and it had got to the stage where I didn't have any input with them in the relationship. I was working and basically bringing in the money and long shifts, so I'd go to work and they were in bed and I'd get home and they were in bed and so when I did get to see them, they already had their the three of them as in my ex-husband and the two children had their routine going on. So I, even when I wasn't working, I did, I wasn't, it was like I was a lodger in my own home, and so there was a couple of things that happened. I met someone who I just found really interesting and we moved around a lot. So I didn't have, I wasn't, even though I went to work.
Speaker 2:Like you say, you don't talk about that sort of stuff, you just don't. And emotional abuse is a funny thing because, like physical abuse, you can see it, but emotional is a totally different thing. Like physical abuse, you can see it, but emotional is a totally different thing. It's you basically end up second guessing yourself all the time. You don't know who you are anymore at all because everything that you think is you believe is questioned by the other party. So you're really lost.
Speaker 2:And so we've been in a place this time for two years and I got to know a couple of the girls that I worked with and there was a couple of situations where it was just so evident that my ex-husband was just he was just so rude to them and I thought, oh my God, it's not just me at all, it's not, it's not me, it's him. And they were just so blatant and I'd had got to that point where I wasn't, I didn't have the children in my life, how I wanted to be a parent, and he was. It was just like that's it. I'd had enough, like there was no plan other than I need to get out of here. And so I did. I was.
Speaker 2:I literally packed a suitcase and I paint, so I took a couple of canvases and and left, and the story that I think he told the children was that I was just going to stay with a friend, but he's not very open about those things, so I don't actually know what story he did tell the children. Anyway, life's a lot different now, but at the time, yeah, it was. I'm so, so, so, so, so pleased I left. But oh my God, the heartache that you go through when you walk down the steps of the property that you've been living with and when they're out going for a coffee and you just don't go back Like yeah it feels like you.
Speaker 1:You left a life that you were so used to, right, and I always wonder cause? It's like they say that we kind of like embody the life that we grew up with. So I don't know. Did you, were your parents, married? Did they have a good marriage? Did you have good role models?
Speaker 2:and in that, yes, yeah, exactly like it was so different to how I grew up, like no way. My child was middle class mom, dad, three sisters and very uneventful, which is pretty good what I've experienced.
Speaker 1:So it's like a total experience, like it's more like a trauma. That's the thing, isn't it?
Speaker 2:It's either like you grew up or it's totally opposite. It's a bit like so I say to my daughter you do realize you'll either marry someone like your father or someone totally opposite.
Speaker 1:It's not an in-between thing and I went totally opposite with my relationship, their behavior changes and there's obviously some issues that they have that they haven't dealt with, and you can only help.
Speaker 2:So much right and but also though I, like I wasn't in a good place when I met him. You don't meet people like that if you're, if you're happy about yourself, and he was quite a bit older than me, so there was a lot of issues going on and I had traveled on my own, I'd done a lot of stuff on my own and I just and I wasn't happy with my career choice, all these things that bundled up into me not having a very high self-esteem anyway, because if I had been happy, I would have met someone that that I was happy with. Do you know what?
Speaker 1:I mean, yeah, they always say that, so it's. I was talking to a colleague of mine yesterday and she's you know, there's a lot of things, like you know, when you you listen to these podcasts, like the Mel Robbins podcast or even the greatness podcast, where they talk about how you have to be happy with yourself and where you are in life to attract that kind of person, and you said, yeah, do you?
Speaker 2:Yeah, and and and. That's the thing. Like so, my, my healing journey began when I left there and I've learned so much about me since because I didn't know anything about me. I mean even just basic stuff. It was like I had no blueprint of how to live life. It was that whole. When I got out, like I can remember. This is how I smile and laugh because it's just like how does an intelligent woman get herself into this position? But it doesn't matter, I mean anyone. It can happen to anyone. That's the thing. Yeah, yeah, I can remember going to work not long after I'd left and my sister had given me enough money to get a car.
Speaker 2:I remember in my head it was such a big deal. I had to visualize how I was going to go to the petrol station and get petrol in the car, because I was just so stressed about the fact, because I hadn't done it on my own, like and and. Then that was before I got to work. I was just it was crazy, but that's the extent to it was. It was you were going through yeah, yeah, just so let's just what do you say this?
Speaker 1:what happens when you're what going through the motions or you're just going?
Speaker 2:it's just like there was no blueprint on how to live my life outside that, because I've been in such a cocoon for so long. We moved around so much and we did so much, yeah, so we had no community output. It wasn't, and I'd never owned a car. We had a joint car, but I didn't drive it much. It was a very, very controlling situation. It's so, it's not. It's just so unhealthy. And so when I actually did get out and I had to start living on my own, I had no blueprint on how to live on my own.
Speaker 1:It was just bizarre because I hadn't done anything on my own for that people for such a long time. Yeah, but what I want to know is where did you meet him? Like, like you said, you were a lot younger when you did so.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I finally I actually met him in. I've been traveling overseas over here. I've done the European, like a lot of Australians do. Yeah.
Speaker 1:I've gone back to.
Speaker 2:Perth and he was out there. He was out there. He'd actually been a 10 pound pump, so he'd lived there and he'd been back in two and he was out there and that's when I met him. So, and that's what I've been traveling around, not not knowing where to look and what to do, and went back home and met him and I was looking for direction, absolutely.
Speaker 1:It's like when you're young and you don't understand the world, like you said you're, you're not given. We're not given the blueprint of how to raise a child, like there's books on it but there's not until you're actually going through it yourself. Or even if you have like role models, like you're saying it's. It's, it's being confident in yourself and and knowing like this is not a good person Like it, and knowing to have boundaries too. I think having that self-confidence is it's really. It's easier said than done.
Speaker 2:It really is and this is the thing I think like I look back now like I I've got, you know, yes, absolutely I've got boundaries and I'm totally confident in myself. But you know, this is 11 years later. I'm a totally different person, you know, and and it. But it took excuse, french, it took balls, because when you come like I was in such a low spot but everything that I've learned, it's incredibly empowering and you don't have to be at that point that I was at to benefit from all the stuff that I'm now imparting to people with the work that I do, from all the stuff that I'm now imparting to people with the work that I do. But it is so powerful. If you've got that confidence within you, then it's kind of like nothing matters. Whatever happens, you can deal with, it's that.
Speaker 1:But getting out. But I mean, you've experienced it and other women have. And if someone is listening and they're in an abusive relationship now and they don't feel like they can get out if they have kids, they don't. You know what I mean. What do you say to them? Because, like you said, it took you so long to find the courage and determination to be like I'm leaving, I can't do this anymore. Yeah.
Speaker 2:It is a really good question because obviously with all this there is no right and wrong and like there's so much judgment attached to all of this. Honestly, if they're listening, just do it. Just whatever it takes to do to find some internal thing and leave, and you know like statistically it takes. Now this was about 10 years ago. It might even be longer, but for someone this is even with just physical abuse. It takes seven times on average for a woman to leave and she keeps returning, but seven times on average before they actually leave fully. So for some women it's a hell of a lot longer.
Speaker 2:But it's that habit that they get in. It just is just a habit. It's what they're natural and they're comfortable with, even though it's abusive. And it does take courage to change habits, even if it's just a simple habit of eating too much chocolate. How difficult is that? Let alone something that's that grassroots level that every time you get up in the morning you're in fear. It's a terrible situation. Every time you get up in the morning, you're in fear. It's a terrible situation. There's so many people in that in those situations.
Speaker 1:Yeah, very much, and I'm sure, I'm sure, like even when you left, like you had to do a lot of self-healing, you know, oh my, God, the, the seriously.
Speaker 2:the walking out was the walking out was the reality is the walking out was the easy bit because you are totally on your own and, yes, there are organizations out there that help. But, to be honest, I left without my children and I wanted to ask about that. I didn't have the children, so I got less help because I didn't have the children, do you?
Speaker 1:feel like you had to leave the kids, like for you to get out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, definitely, like I was in mentally, I wasn't in a state, and also because the relationship had gone like a gone the. He was mr mom, so it was less traumatic for them if I'd stayed, if I'd taken them with me. I had no infrastructure, never had to deal with my children, and I was the one earning the money as well. So, yeah, you know what I mean. So, yeah, none of that was in place. So if I'd, if I'd waited to sort that out, I never would have left.
Speaker 1:That's, that's the truth yeah yeah, yeah and and what's the relationship like now with your kids? Bloody fantastic, there we go. I love that.
Speaker 2:I can feel the energy.
Speaker 1:When you say that you're like bloody fantastic, I feel it. I feel it when you say that yeah that's. That's amazing. For sure it's like you. It took you. You know, the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, and so you had to do what you needed to do for yourself first, before you could take care of them, right? Oh look, 100% 100%.
Speaker 2:And you know, like I never lost contact with them and I always saw them. But I mean, some initially like it was kind of like well, what do I do with my kids when I have them? Because I hadn't had them in any circumstance. It was really basic stuff. But what is it like to be a mum? I don't know.
Speaker 1:I haven't been, haven't been at all on my terms, yeah. And then they've gotten used to living with their dad and living in that kind of environment too, where he spent most of the time with them, right, and while you are at work, right? So yeah.
Speaker 2:I mean, obviously it's not like, you know, a mother-daughter or mother-son relationship, but it's fantastic. And the last my daughter's actually just left for uni this last year, but prior to that we were actually living together again and so after nine years we were living together. So it's been so. You're just so grateful for the little things, even the 17-year-old tantrums and all the things that go with the hormones attached to being a teenager. But it's really precious, I have to say you know it's always that brings tears to my eyes how good it is and it's just normal Like we still argue, like she triggers me absolutely, but I love every second of it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what is she studying in school?
Speaker 2:She's at university. She's doing liberal arts and she's got herself into rowing, which she loves, and she's finding out who she is and it's really lovely to watch. You know the idea of let's be in that Because in the UK, in Australia, when we went to uni, you live in the city where the university is, whereas in the uk everyone goes away to university so they learn how to cook and you know, communicate and all those sort of things away from home so it's kind of like, uh, the experience itself to go away from home life and start a new life on campus and and figure out who you are as a person.
Speaker 1:Ok, I think I always wanted to do that. When I was home, I wanted to go away, but my mom was like no, you're staying here. And then I went to the. I went to York, here in Toronto, and I mean it was a good experience. I met some good friends there. But I think there's a part of me, I think they escape to.
Speaker 2:You know, like in the movies they make it seem so surreal, right, and yeah, absolutely, and I think that's what they totally it's type of social media movies. Now for sure.
Speaker 1:Oh, my goodness, Is it ever? Did you, was it that whole experience? You brought her to school, like on campus, and then you helped her get settled in, and was it emotional for you too, like it's like you're not a complete empty nester because your son is obviously not ready for university? Yeah, but how did that feel?
Speaker 2:it was yeah, I mean it's it was empty. It was like an empty nest when she'd gone and she was very emotional about it too. But it's, like you know, once they settle in and make a couple of friends, like she's really enjoying it, she's really enjoying the whole experience, very social and fitting and nicely, and it is very much like okay, so look at it, now I don't have to be where I am because I was here for her education. So where will I be? But I mean in the UK somewhere, because Australia is a long way away.
Speaker 2:You know, if I went back to Australia it's like a 20 hour flight to get back, so it's you'd never see your children, you know, maybe once every five years or something. So that's not on the cards at the moment, but it opens up other options and it's definitely different, even though it was only one child.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah. What was it like growing up in Australia? I mean, I don't, you are the first that I've met from Australia and I mean what was? What was that like? Tell me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I grew up in the country, so so in Western Australia, perth is the most isolated city in the world and I grew up five and a half hours south of Perth, so right on the bottom. If you, if you kept going south, you would hit the Antarctica. So, as far as you can go south in Western Australia and like space and simple, simple space, sea, sun and Mm, hmm. Yeah, and the three things that I miss, that I miss most is just everything big, whereas everything here is small.
Speaker 1:Right, right, right. So it's kind of like. It's like more of a small town where you knew your neighbors and that kind of community. Is that what you mean?
Speaker 2:Yes, it was very much like that actually. Yeah, I mean now the population in the town is 16,000 people, in the shire as well, so in the farming community. Oh my gosh in the shire.
Speaker 1:When I hear that, I think of Lord of the Rings. There is no traffic lights in the town.
Speaker 2:There's lots of roundabouts, but there's still no traffic lights. And this is 70 years later 16 years later, oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:So is it true, like in Lord of the Rings, when they say in the Shire, do you think that they've pictured it the same way? Or it's kind of like they've made it more Hollywood. You know what I mean. I don't know if you've seen Lord of the Rings.
Speaker 2:I haven't seen Lord of the Rings, oh you haven't. I'm sorry, that's okay, that's the only reference. It's just surrounding countryside. Yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I think they've done justice to that. That's the only picturesque that I have when I think of it that way. That's why I said that. So yeah, that's so amazing. You know, you've had quite the journey. So, even, even still, I mean you, you career wise, you were working in the health sector, right? And so what was that like? I mean, you're working long hours, right, yeah absolutely so.
Speaker 2:I'm like I've traveled with that all around australia, so I've done all sorts of different bits and pieces in different areas of of nursing and then I ended up in intensive care postgraduate in that, yeah, and and it is it it's now that I'm not in any longer and then I ended up actually in a cardiac catheterization laboratory, which is basically when you have a heart attack, you come into us and we'll put in stents to open up the blood vessels If you need a pacemaker.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh my gosh, my uncle's a cardiologist, so he puts in the pacemakers, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so that was sort of where I ended up with all that, and parts of it are fantastic, Like the cardiology. There is so much research and so many moves forward in technology and what they do in the hospital setting. But there's also a lot of things that happen in the hospital setting that chronic illness, for example, that isn't dealt so well with, and the more I got involved in so I got involved in energy medicine way back when I left the relationship 11 years ago 12 years ago anyway and I started yoga actually.
Speaker 2:So that was my first experience of I actually was introduced to yoga and I joined this regular yoga studio and the first. They have this special start of six weeks for $25. So I go along every and I knew I needed some assistance to get through the working day. So I went every day and the first two weeks I was in tears at the end of every class and I figured that you know, I get this sort of relief. I didn't really know what was going on, but there was got to be something.
Speaker 2:And then, not so long after that, I started a yoga teacher training course and then so straight away when I started, that that's when things started to change, because I was introduced to people, these beautiful people who I hadn't had in my life before. And then, three months into that, I was introduced to energy psychology. So it was all about your emotions and the connection between your emotions and your body, and basically I got to work on myself for the next 18 months and it was complete death. No question it was transformational. But then life happens and then my ex-husband, who's English, from Manchester, decides he's moving the children to the UK and they all have dual citizenship and I had to get a visa to get here. Wow, and I didn't get the first visa I applied for, did I?
Speaker 1:Like it was such a Always a challenge, isn't it? We just can't get things the easy way. It's like yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:I know so clearly. You know I wasn't ready to go. So two years later I got over here. Oh my gosh it took you two years.
Speaker 1:Wow, I know this is like we're part of the.
Speaker 2:Commonwealth. Australia is part of the Commonwealth. We speak the same language, our qualifications are at a higher standard than the ones here, but I wasn't coming on a nursing visa, it was access right to child's visa because the children were here. Oh right, right. And I didn't get it the first time around because it was on financial grounds. In the time that I applied they changed the goalposts. So I went through an agency and they said to me no, no, just show that you've got $10,000 in your account and that's fine. So I just showed I had $10,000 in your account, that's fine. So I just showed I had $10,000 in my account. And in the time that I applied, in the three months it takes to get it, they changed the goalposts and I needed $20,000. So they wouldn't take me on financial grounds. So I had to wait another six months to reapply. It's horrible.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so the people that were giving you financial advice. This is it Exactly? I'm like yo I want my money back. You guys gave me horrible advice, now I have to wait another hour.
Speaker 2:They actually did, you know. They got me through, they did the whole thing.
Speaker 1:Oh they did All the next time.
Speaker 2:But you know, nine months later, sort of thing. And then when I got here I actually did more modalities because for me that was my way of coping with a move, only knowing your ex-husband and children come, come to her new life in the UK.
Speaker 1:So yeah, a new life beyond your choice. You know what I mean. It was kind of like you're the hair.
Speaker 2:You gotta follow your children. Yeah, of course you can't not.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:Yeah, what a journey.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and so so wait a minute. So when you moved to the UK, what was that like? Did you have to get your own place and start all over again?
Speaker 2:Right, you know, it's really interesting when you move to a new country because you have no credit ready. You don't exist, and so even like to open a bank account. Yeah, I had to open online bank accounts because I couldn't get one in the high street because I had no, I had no credit rating. So oh my gosh yeah, I know it's like you're a no person, so it's been an interesting thing and I guess. So I walked straight into a nursing job in the private sector over here and it was.
Speaker 2:You know I'd been doing energy medicine back at home, part-time, part-time nursing, and there's so much red tape here in the health, like so much more than equivalent in Australia. So you know, paperwork, involvement I mean I know it's the health system in Australia there's a lot more paperwork than there ever was when we started into the profession. But here, honestly, and just the politics attached to the work environment, it was just unbelievable. And I guess the more you get involved in energy medicine as well, your life and your beliefs and your ideals change and you take on, you're living from your heart. So it's a lot like this. I've always been pretty being Australian. You're pretty blunt anyway, but the more you get into energy work. Your authenticity is. That's the key to your life.
Speaker 1:When you say energy work, are you talking about living a life with mindfulness in mind, or just mindful living? Is that what you're saying? So I guess?
Speaker 2:everything. So if you look at life as everything is energy yes, the way we think and what we say, and movement, all of that so you know, the only reason we're not feeling great is because we've got energy blocks in our body. And when you start looking at life in a mind, body, self sense, from energy, your whole life can't help but change. And so that began with yoga, because yoga is a form of energy medicine. You're doing movement with the breath and you're moving energy. And then the energy psychology you're working. Emotions are just an energy. You're using emotions to tune into your body. And where are you feeling that discomfort or what emotion are you feeling? And you're getting the energy to move through emotions. So, and then mindfulness is all about tuning into you. What is it that you are feeling? So being okay with whatever it is that you're feeling and just allowing that to be there.
Speaker 2:Rather than focusing on a story that doesn't feel great, focus on the feeling. Get the feeling to move, because the more you focus on the story, the more you are just playing out at that frequency of story. So if it's not a great story and it makes you feel annoyed or aggravated or scared, then the more you tell that story, you're staying in that same loop of energy frequency. So if you can start to feel your energy and getting it flow, then you're going to transform it and raise the frequency and feel a darn sight better. So there's a lot of things that energy is, because energy is everything. But yeah, there's a whole systematic approach you can take to it when you're starting to have that transformation and change the way you think, because, again, it's habits. How do we change those habits and rewire the neural pathways in the brain?
Speaker 1:Diva Tonight with Carlene will be back. Send us a message on Instagram at diva underscore tonight.
