Project Management For Real Life: From Nonprofits To Family Routines

We explore how Melissa moved from nonprofit burnout to building Make Ideas Work, a project management approach that turns chaos into systems while protecting family time. We trade practical tactics for buy‑in, boundaries, and single‑tasking, and share small rituals that build strong homes and teams.

• defining the mompreneur and choosing service
• why make ideas work started and what it solves
• reframing project management in plain language
• winning buy‑in with policy, training and accountability
• bridging tech anxiety and generational gaps post‑COVID
• remote work trade‑offs and firm role boundaries
• support systems beyond family to reduce stress
• convenience over perfection for meals and hosting
• family dinners, no screens and icebreaker questions
• time versus money and letting go of pressure

Follow @makeideaswork on Instagram 

Or visit the website at https://Makeideaswork.org

If you enjoyed the conversation, please send me a text. 

The website is https://divatonight.buzzsprout.com. Follow us on Instagram at DiivaOntheRadio, that’s diva with two i’s. And don’t forget to follow us on TikTok @diivaontheradio. Want to share your thoughts ? Text us anytime at https://divatonight.buzzsprout.com

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome And Today’s Focus
• 0:47 Defining The Mompreneur
• 3:33 Service, Community, And Giving
• 3:59 Why Make Ideas Work Began
• 6:11 From Chaos To Project Management
• 9:05 Winning Buy‑In And Accountability
• 12:05 Tech Gaps And Training Gently
• 14:06 Remote Work And Family Logistics
• 16:17 Support Systems Beyond Home
• 18:39 Boundaries And Single‑Tasking
• 20:30 Transferable Skills At Work And Home
• 23:03 Convenience Over Perfection
• 25:11 Hosting Without Burnout
• 27:05 Family Dinners And Open Talk
• 29:00 Tease For Next Sisterhood Story
• 30:20 Closing And Ways To Connect

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:01

You're listening to Diva Tonight with Carlene Humphrey, a relationship podcast with a focus on life, love, and friendship. Welcome to Diva Tonight.

SPEAKER_02: 0:13

Hi there, and welcome to Diva Tonight, the podcast that dives deep into the relationships that we have with ourselves and with our friends and our family. And the focus right now is on women in their 40s. And you know what is really exciting? My special guest is Melissa. She's this is not her first rodeo. She's been here before. How are you? Hey, Carleen. I'm good. Second time around. So let's go. Yeah, I mean, like, you know, you know what's interesting is that we always have like a pre-conversation before the show, and you coin the phrase mompreneur. So what is a mompreneur?

SPEAKER_01: 1:00

Uh it's it's the it's the mesh of being a mother and an entrepreneur, right? And so being a mother responsible for two other lives is a job in and of itself, right? That you just don't have any sick days, you gotta still work. It's like you work around the clock. And then you and then like I also have other, I don't want to say projects, they're more like pro they're businesses. Like I have other businesses, I have other LCs, I run quite a few things that also keep me busy. And so yeah, so it's like the mesh of the two and really trying to find the right focus. And and ultimately, Carlene, like the reason I do all of these things, the reasons I do the most, is because I really do believe that like I'm investing in not only our children's future, but also like how am I serving other people, right? How am I serving other things? So I it's are always hard for me to say no, but it's like just that, you know, in the heart of everything that I'm doing, even in the household, is always serving.

SPEAKER_02: 2:06

Yeah, so that phrase serving, serving what I'm doing, like acts of service, what does that mean to you? I think like, you know, when you're when you're they say you're in a service industry and you're serving the community or you're serving customers, you know what I mean? It it's a hard job when you're doing things for other people and dealing with other problems.

SPEAKER_01: 2:25

So, I mean, like for me, service is being able to share and offer and extend your hand. And in that, you are building community, right? So, like you're building bridges, and that's what service serving mean to me. And uh, and I I remember, you know, my my really cool pastor Jose and Pastor Annette was mentioned that as well. There was like, you know, you have your hands, right? You can either give with your hands or you can take, right? And I always feel like what I love to do is like I love to give with my hands, right? And so when you're giving, you are building bridges, you are making connections, you are building communities. Whereas like if you're taking, taking, taking, you are feeding just yourself. It's almost like the selflessness, the selfishness rather than selflessness. And therefore, you're you're not building community, you're not, you know, serving. And so I get I just honestly I get so much joy out of being in community with others, serving other people, and however and whatever that looks like.

SPEAKER_02: 3:30

Yeah, I understand that. So, you know, we haven't talked about what you what you do as a as an entrepreneur, and I did my little bit of homework, and obviously the company that you started is make ideas work. So, how did that come to life? What yeah, I mean, I mean, okay, so how did that come to life? But I have another question on top of that. Why why did you call the company make ideas work? Because I mean that's that's a really hatchy phrase.

SPEAKER_01: 4:02

I yeah, I always get a lot of like feedback on that title, like, oh, that's a really cool name. I love that name. Make ideas work. And honestly, so to give you some um background, I had been working in the nonprofit sector for a very long time, right? I wanted I I can't even tell you, maybe at least 15 years. To me, that's a long time. For someone who's only 40, right? And something that I had always noticed was that there were people who are very passionate about, and by people I mean like the staff who are very passionate about the work that they were doing and very much committed to the mission of the organization in which they worked, in which we worked. And that's why we decided to like do the work that we're doing is right, because it's heart work, it's not, you know, like it is hard work, but it's mostly like heart work, and you're not really doing it for like, you know, for the money. Like that's not the ultimate outcome. It is, it is definitely necessary, right, to pay the bills and to survive. But what is driven us is the mission um and to serve. Well, all that to say, in um many spaces that I either worked in or served in through working in the nonprofit sector, I've learned and noticed that in our experiences myself, where you're so committed, but then it's like what gives what stresses you out, or what stressed me out was like the lack of organization, the last minute request, the la, oh, you know, not knowing what to do and by who and by when and who's doing what, you know, it was a lot of confusion, which always caused a lot of chaos. And what that constantly felt like was, well, I'm committed to this mission, but I'm not feeling like how we operate, you know, like this this is not working for for me. And that's that was something that was a narrative that folks often said, and some folks accepted that that narrative, but I was like, there are better ways for us to work better and smarter. And so I had to also like transition and and change that train of thought as well for myself because I was close to accepting that chaos, right? And I was like, but then the the impact that it was having on me was not sustainable, it was not healthy.

SPEAKER_02: 6:21

So for example, um I was working like but when you're talking about chaos, trying to organize chaos, I think of the last place I was working at. Ah I tried to organize chaos, and it's hard to do when not everyone's on board.

SPEAKER_01: 6:41

That's a really good point, and that is something that comes up all the time, right? It's like, what is well, how do you get everybody on board? Because it's like if you only train one person, then maybe that one person is doing learning something and and applying what they learned, but then everyone else around them is still operating this that way. It almost looks like that that uh meme where the person is um like typing away and everything else around them is on fire. It's like, I'm fine, I'm fine. Like, yeah, we're not doing that, right? But where I was going with Make Ideas work was that it was not sustainable, meaning for me, like it it became unhealthy because the time outside of work, I was worried about work and my family started feeling that, right? I started doing, I started carrying the anxiousness and all of that home with me. And I wasn't happy, and when mommy's not happy, or you know, whatever, everybody can feel it. It's just, you know, I don't have that same type of energy to pour into the people who matter to me the most because I'm already stressed out and burnt out, and so I really had to think about a different way of working, and so that's when I thought about project management, and I learned that skill. And I was like, and while I was learning it, I realized like I was the only ones in the nonprofit sector. Like everybody in that program was in construction or IT or government, and I was like, but this is like these skills are very much relevant to the work that I'm doing and the work that folks are doing in the community. So it's just a matter of how do we make it digestible, how do we make it send sound less technical? Because it's it had that technical um language like risk management. I was like, we don't use we don't say that, you know, like how do we plan for things that could potentially go wrong, right? So I basically make it fun. So that's how make ideas came about, because I realized that once you learn that skill, um, which is project management, you can really take that anywhere. You can do anything and take your ideas and make that work. And I started applying it, started learning it, and then started training, uh developing trainings out of it.

SPEAKER_02: 8:53

Because when I hear that, I think of what I when I was working at the construction company, I won't say the name. And I'm at the front desk. So I see everything happening and it's chaos. And I'm like, So when I came in, I had ideas, you know, when you're the new girl and you're like, oh my gosh, I have all these great ideas because you know, I've worked in various sectors and I've seen how people do it, how people manage the paper out like uh and an old school agenda and making sure that no one built the boardroom or the electronic link. So I I brought that to their attention and then I created like a calendar and I tried to streamline it. And Lisa, let me tell you, when you bring a new idea into the workplace and someone else is like, oh, that's a new idea, and they're trying to take it as their own, right? If everyone is not on board with the organization required to make sure that we're not having a conflict, the board meeting. Because I what I was trying to do is to mitigate conflicts in the boarding so that people wouldn't overlook or oh, someone's already in the board meeting, like we didn't know that there was already a meeting in it, so that I was trying to mitigate that. Like nothing is ever gonna be perfect, but I realized when I did that, that if everyone is not using the same program, they're not using the same version of Outlook, it is not going to work because I was like, wait a minute, so not everybody has access to the calendar to see the boredom, but how come I'm still having conflict? So not everything is integrated in one. And so if you don't have a group of people who are all going to get with technology, you're still gonna have problems. Absolutely. There was like what I saw in the end of working there, that I'm like, it's not gonna work. We have half the office that's interested in the new version of technology, and the other half that's still using the old version, and they refuse. So unless everybody gets on the same page, you know.

SPEAKER_01: 10:55

So this what this sounds like to me is this is a systemic challenge in the or in the company that you worked in, right? So for example, it is it is it's almost like an uphill battle when one person tries to implement a change, right? And it's like you can say, Yeah, we need to, you know, I see this problem and we need to change this in the organization. And the thing is, like, the messenger makes a difference, the buy-in makes a difference, policies and procedures make a difference as well. And then on top of that, is there ongoing trainings? What does accountability look like? You know, like are there opportunities for because at the end of the day, so for example, I had work in several organizations where folks were intimidated by technology, whether it's because their age or they had were formally incarcerated, right? And and the speed in which technology had advanced, it was like very, very much intimidating to them. So we cannot just assume that someone's gonna just use Google email, I mean Google Gmail or Gmail rather, and like know all the functions of it, right? When we tell them, hey, now we gotta use Gmail. It's like it's a slow reveal how to use it. It's it's it's really training. And also like there's some really deep fears that people truly, truly have around. Technology is yeah, around the use of technology, yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 12:18

Yeah. Sorry to interrupt you, but you are right. You did say that. And what's really hard is when you work with baby boomers or people who have been working for a company for 20, 15 to 20 years using the old system of paper, and you're trying to go paperless, it's like pulling at straws. And if the top guy isn't on board, you're not gonna make those ideas work. Of course.

SPEAKER_01: 12:42

So there's there's a play on the board. But that's that's what that's why I said it goes back to the messenger and the policies and the procedures, right? Yeah, because it everything has to be in alignment. Because if again, if you have like just someone, one person advocating for this change, there's not gonna be buy-in. But if let's just say the leader of the organization says, this is what needs to happen, this is how we're gonna roll this out, we're gonna provide the support that you all need in order for this to be rolled out, and here's the policies and procedures for this, and and again, the this is what support looks like throughout, and also meeting them where they are. That's how you cause or create change within an organization. But we can't just say, hey, we're gonna implement this, this is what it is, and that's it. And have, you know, expectations and not really set people up for success. And I think that's the other thing about this too, is like, how do we truly set up, set people and systems up for success? The other thing, Carlene, that you were touching on, which is a real issue and challenge in the workplace, is generational um differences. It's a generational gap. It can be with technology, but even nowadays, what I'm seeing and what I'm hearing through my clients is a generational gap pre and post-COVID. COVID had created a whole different type of um workers, you know what I'm saying? Folks who are more comfortable working remotely as opposed to working hybrid, folks who are more comfortable using, you know, project management tools as opposed to not project, no project management tools. So there and you know, and then like pre-COVID, you have people who are more likely and excited to be around people in the office when there are opportunities to convene with other people. Nowadays it's it's it's less exciting. Again, I'm talking from my personal experience with my clients. This is one of the struggles as well.

SPEAKER_02: 14:34

But you are you're hitting, like the saying says, you're hitting the nail right on the head because I remember when they were talking about it on the news here in Canada that you know, trying to get people to come back to the office is really hard. It's challenging because like they're restructuring everything, trying to mitigate costs, like you're losing in the end because of something that happened and now you're trying to negotiate with your staff who was working at home to come back to the office at least two days a week, right? So you like you said, there is that generational gap between like people retiring and then people who are you know in their early 20s and 30s who are millennials or what do you call them? The gen I'm a millennial, but the Gen X or the Gen Z, right? Who get technology and that's all they know. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 15:29

Yeah, it's it's yeah, so we are seeing that shift happening now where you know, like it's it's almost like I've I I love the flexibility of working from home. But the other thing too is like I do work longer hours because that commute time becomes work time. You know, that lunchtime is shortened because I'm working. And like I try to, you know, carve out a few minutes to for a walk or you know, really quickly, you know, put in the laundry. And you know, I already told you, like, listen, I have a hard stop at this time because I have you have to, I have to prepare dinner, right? Because I didn't even take lunch or um already. I have to prepare dinner because I have a meeting, I have two back-to-back meetings um from third 3:30 till six o'clock. Each one is really, really long. And my kids come home at 4:15. So I need to make sure I have snacks out ready for them, that they have you know everything that they need to do their homework, that they know that I'm in a meeting, I cannot be interrupted, and that by the time my six o'clock meeting ends, that dinner is already all I gotta do is warm up dinner to be served. It's like that is what a monpreneur looks like.

SPEAKER_02: 16:39

Yeah. And so where is dad?

SPEAKER_01: 16:41

Dad? I'm sorry, is that what you asked? Dad also currently working from home, but today I mean he's actually doing some professional development training, you know, outside of home. So yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 16:54

Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_01: 16:55

So but but but Carlene, that's a really good point, you know, like up to this point, up to like I think January, my husband had been, he just started working from home, but he's hybrid, right? So I've been fortunate in so many ways. One, that I have his support, right? He does help around, you know, but also like not everyone has that type of support, you know what I'm saying? And he just started working from home. And so, like, we are able to sometimes like what'd you say, like pass the baton, like yo, you know, like you know, I'm done my shape.

SPEAKER_02: 17:33

You're you just came home from work, the kids ate dinner, you just have to make sure that they get ready for bed, and yeah, like all yeah, right.

SPEAKER_01: 17:41

So we're we're we're we figured out our rhythm and we're still figuring things out, but but that's the other thing. I always think about like other folks who do not have that same level of support as well.

SPEAKER_02: 17:51

Yeah, and for me, you have the support because of it.

SPEAKER_01: 17:54

Yeah, and for me, working from home gives me that flexibility of oh, I can be home when the kids are home. I can, you know, when when the school calls, I can say, listen, I can go out and pick them up, you know? And so that's what being remote has helped for me is that being available more so for both my my work, my business, and for my family and for myself as well.

SPEAKER_02: 18:18

Yeah. And you know what? I think as a working mom and juggling many responsibilities requires a little bit of help from your friends. I mean, from your friends and family, but also having a partner that is, like you said, you give the handoff with a time to him, you know? And so it's kind of like you're doing the hundred meter dash and you have a strong, like when it's a good day, it's a good handoff. And some days it's not a good handoff because something happened, traffic, whatever, so you have to like figure it out until like you know, he gets home from work or you know what I mean? So yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 18:54

But I also want to extend that, right? Because it's it's it's nice that yeah, he can help me. But I like I live two hours away from we live two hours from away from our ex you know, our families. And so we have to rely on other types of supports here, systems here. And so like our neighbor has been really great. Like, if we're not available to like step in and pick up the kids, if like we're not shy, like if we need to pick up some, like order some food from Instacart, we'll do that. That's a sis that's a system that we use. We like laundry, like the laundry can easily pile up if we're both so focused and we're like, oh my goodness, like it's it's out of control. And sometimes we have to like order or request laundry service. And so I think some a part of this too is like knowing and extending like what the support look like outside of the um household. Because my thing is again, like, how can we work smarter, not harder? Like, even if I pay for these services, I rather spend money on those than than like my brain power and get stressed out because you know, it's everywhere, and now laundry's taking up so much time and I gotta fold it and I'm just you know, like all of that. And so I had to really think overwhelm the anxiety.

SPEAKER_02: 20:11

Yeah, it can get easier. Yeah, like how do you streamline it? Because I think that's the one thing I wanted to ask is like, do you feel like the pressure as you know, a monpreneur, like juggling these multiple responsibilities? And how do you feel about that? Like, I mean, on a good day, right?

SPEAKER_01: 20:28

So here's the thing this is what I how I juggle everything. As I mentioned earlier, like I knew when I was stressed out and how it bled into my family and how they felt that pain. And I did not want that to continue moving forward. So I I'm very strategic. I do not split my time and energy and attention when I'm at work and when I'm with my kids, right? So when my kids are home, right? Like if if I'm in a meeting, like we we have a conversation about what that looks like. But once this laptop shuts down, you know what I'm saying, and if my my family's home, my I don't open it while they're up while they're awake until they go to bed. And you know saying that's when I'm like, all right, I will open it. So I'm not competing my attention between my family and my kids. Um it's very rare where I do that, you know, because when my kids are up and they need my attention, I'm like, all right, let me just wrap this up and then I'll give them my attention, my full-hearted attention. They got me, you know. Um, and then the same thing with work. So, like, if work needs my attention, or when it does, like my kids are not here, I give them my attention. But when they do overlap, you know, like I will, you know, like I will communicate that with everyone. It's like so only short terms, only short lived. Let me handle this, and then I'm all yours. So that's uh honestly like how I best streamline everything to the best of my ability.

SPEAKER_00: 21:54

Season four of Diva Tonight brings you incredible guests, honest conversations. Real experiences and lessons we can all take with us. Diva Tonight, glamour for your ears.

SPEAKER_02: 22:08

I can understand what you're saying. I'm the oldest out of there's five girls in my family. And I'm the oldest. And I always just, you know, be creative in a way. I felt like I always have to figure things out. Like, because when you're when you're younger, when you're living in a family, like and there's a big household, like there's not always a lot of money, right? And I felt like when I was younger, like I had to, in the summertime, especially with my sisters, try and figure out, oh, where am I gonna take them? That's not gonna cost too much money because my mom can't give me a lot of money to take us for me to take my sister somewhere, like really cool. So, like, okay, let's go to the community swimming pool. Let's go to the library. They have like a story hour between this time and that time, you know what I mean? And and trying to figure it out to make it a little bit funny. Even when they did drive me crazy. I'm like, you know what I mean? Um, you know, I could just go back to that. But I think even as the older sister in that sense, where you're you're trying to do it all without crashing and burning and trying to keep a happy balance real. I guess where where I'm going with this is getting back to you. What advice would you give to a mom now if she's considering going from mom to mom preneur?

SPEAKER_01: 23:21

So the transition piece is first of all, it's not easy to transition. But what I would say is I I'm gonna continue speaking on you cannot split your roles at one time, right? Like what requires your full attention at that moment requires your full attention and give yourself grace and give yourself the support. So for example, like the evening and the weekends are for my family. Like every single night, you know, saying, like me and my husband before we go to bed, I let me say this after we put the kids down, right? Me and my husband, I like we have our chill time, right? Like we will watch a Netflix show or whatever, you know, like that's the non-negotiable. And then, like, if he and I have some work to do, you know, we can decide, like, hey, do we want to, you know, use this time to work on book, you know, like on our on each other project? Because he's a he's a he's an author, and I have, you know, oh my gosh, he's an author.

SPEAKER_02: 24:20

Wow, that's okay.

SPEAKER_01: 24:22

He he writes fantasy adventure books. So so I'm like, you know, we can either use this time to like you guys are on a power couple. Okay, go on. Sorry, go ahead. So so to focus on our own things, or we can just like chill. And sometimes we chill together, or we work on our own projects together, and we check in, or you know, saying sometimes it's just a matter of like watching, I mean, like just sipping tea and just watching the sunset, like whatever the case may be, you know? But it's it's like we at least have that conversation. Now I think multitasking is overrated, right? There are some things that you can multitask that does not require the same amount of brain power or attention. So, right, for example, I can speak to you and probably like you know, send a text to my husband just saying hi at the same time while having a conversation with you, but I can't have a conversation with you and facilitate a workshop at the same time, you know what I'm saying? Because they both require my amount, same amount of attention, you know what I'm saying? So it's like we're not gonna do that. So right now, I'm giving you my full attention, and that's the same thing that I would do in my household. When it's my business during the day, I'm I'm on it like it's work, you know? If it spills over, then I'm I'm communicating with everybody. Just give me a moment, I'm going to whatever, whatever. But when it's my family time, it's non-negotiable, it's family time. I'm, you know what I'm saying? Like we we have movie nights, we cook together, we eat together. When it's when we at the table, there's no technology, there's no TV in the background, we ask icebreaker questions, we get to know how each other, you know, how our day went. We're fully, fully present. And and those are the things that don't require money. There's 7 and 11. Oh, okay, okay. And that's the thing, like those are the things that don't require money. We go for walks, I teach them how, you know, we teach, I don't want to say we, we teach them how to ride bikes, you know, we take rides around the the block and things like that. And I, you know, one thing that I always remember when I was younger was like memories. And I remember as I got older, I was like, I always want to create memories for my kids. And I don't want my kids to remember mommy working all the time, all the time, but mommy also was always present. Mommy, you know, knew her boundaries, you know, and and so that was something that I have come to learn and realize later on. And so so yeah, that's you know, I block out time for everything. If you want to talk about transition, you gotta really block out time and use that calendar and really manage yourself very, very well.

SPEAKER_02: 26:50

No, like you said, to be an executive or to project manage, you're managing people, you're also having a cohesive unit, you know what I mean? Trying to mitigate different personalities. Like you're managing a household, you're managing your your company. And I think when you think about it, at the end of the day, it's kind of you know how they say those skills are transferable. The way you manage your household is the way you manage your life. And if you want everything to run a certain way, you have to be organized and do the things that you don't want to do. You know, the the reps like you have to do laundry, you have to do this, and but like you've streamlined it to help you, like you know, like you said, um, laundry service, which is like amazing. It is, and sometimes you just gotta let go of it. And you feel like you're overwhelmed. Like, I mean, even me, like you're tired.

SPEAKER_01: 27:43

And sometimes you just gotta let go of some self-imposed pressure and and expectations, and that's something that again I've learned more recently. So, like, but what I was getting at there was like having like leaning into like being using some things that are convenient, you know what I'm saying? Like for me growing up, we always had to use fresh vegetables and fresh fruits whenever we cook. You know, when you go to the grocery store, you buy the whole chicken and then you cutting it into pieces and you cleaning it up. And I'm just like, yo, I don't have time for that nowadays, right? So nowadays I'm like, I have no problem buying the frozen chicken. You know what I'm saying? I have no problem buying the frozen like onions and peppers because guess what? It's cutting down the time so much so that I can like focus less, but have less stress when I'm doing, I mean, cooking and also enjoy it more with the family, you know what I'm saying? So it's like, so so like I love now that we are in this age and era where we have more options for like, you know, if if I'm having company, I don't have to cook. I can just, you know, order a local, you know, order from a local restaurant or get it catered, you know what I'm saying? Like, I have options. And guess what? All that's less stress.

SPEAKER_02: 28:52

It's less stress. It is. Okay, so I'm gonna I'm gonna say something to that effect. I was just talking to my neighbor before we had the call. I was watching the call because every time I talk to her, you know when you're talking to some people and I listen to care. I you know what I mean? I'm I'm a listener and I'm I'm gonna remember what you see. Where some people are just listening to listen and they're not retaining the information. I I try to be helpful if I can, but what she said to me, I saw I told her I last I told her like last year she had her card, her regular birthday, and I'm like, don't stress out this year. I know you want a perfect birthday party. Like if it doesn't go perfect, it's okay. And she's like, you know, this year for me and if I do it, because they her family and friends, they look forward to her party. Like it's her summer thing, right? Her summer event. And so she said, I'm gonna, I'm probably gonna get catered this year. I'm not right. Because that's the added stress. Like you have to cook and make sure everything is ready before the guests arrive, right? And so it's like you're feeling the crunch when you're doing everything for that, like um, for that event or that, you know, family gathering, like you know what I mean, cooking Christmas dinner for how many people are coming over? Like, oh my goodness, right?

SPEAKER_01: 30:06

Yeah, yeah, and and that's that's what I learned. Um, I think the first it was this was go during COVID, and my daughter was turning four, and we we had our first birthday party in our we just bought this house and we had our first birthday party for her. And I remember I I think I had just I had made food and but the food wasn't ready in time, and folks were coming in early, and I was just like, oh my gosh. And I'm so the pressure is on. And I Colleen, like, I and like a lot of folks were asking me, like, so what's the food? When's the food's gonna be ready? And I had like like little snacks I can eat, but I kid you not, I had a panic attack. Like I went into my room and I I felt like I just wanted to crawl into the closet and just cry because I felt like I was just doing too not that was when I felt like I was I felt so much pressure. It wasn't like I was doing too much, but I felt that pressure. And since then, I was like, I'm this is what I'm going to choose to do. I'm going to choose not to cook, right? I'm just going to have it catered from here on out. Because at the end of the day, for me, what I pay for catering turns out to be the same as if I were to cook it and clean it and all that. I'm like, if it, you know, it's girls. Time versus money. That thing never gets old, right? It's like or or just ask people to do a potluck. You know what I'm saying? Just do a potluck. And Carly, and I kid you not. The other thing I wanted to mention about parties is who's it really for, right? My father always said, like, whenever we have a party, like it's not really for yourself, it's really for other people, right? Because it's like you're catering to other people, you're hosting them. It's like, so it's it you're always keep them in mind as you're having this party. And so I think about parties differently now.

SPEAKER_02: 31:57

I'm like, if your parents instilled in you, I think I even remember that story of when you were a kid. I'm gonna tell you. You were talking about your dad when you were up late with him and your dad made those car fresheners, and you were like coping with that. Yeah. You know, just memories. But it seemed like they instilled some good, some good value system, you know, some of it, right? Yeah, I mean, like, definitely. Sound like you were eating a lot of organic food, girl, because I wasn't having no fresh chicken. Like, I mean, my mom was all about organic and she didn't want any sweets in the household. I remember that.

SPEAKER_01: 32:31

I'm just like, my parents are Caribbean.

SPEAKER_02: 32:33

Okay, that's what they know. And I feel like we are, I swear, there's one more thing I gotta say. I watched this thing on on Instagram, and I think the majority of people who are from the Caribbean can relate to that mom yelling at her daughter who owns her own house, and her mom is like, Never make the bed yet. You know what I mean? It's it's it's so interesting to see that because I think a lot of people can understand um that whole experience because there's just how Caribbean parents are. Like they're just a little bit stricter than you know, the average Joe. There's so many things about that that are just like, wow. And so we we we I mean, I think in in terms of family, we do what we can the best way that we know how to, but I think the one thing that I think is the that you're doing and you're instilling into the kids is family dinners. I think I really wish that we did that more because I remember going to this guy I was dating, and every Sunday they had family dinner, and it was such a traditional thing. And I think one time um his sister, she couldn't make it, but she was so upset about it because it was it was something that they always did. So, like when she missed it, it felt like she felt it, you know what I mean? So I think when you do those things, no matter how mundane they are, that that one thing that you do that's consistent will always stay present in their mind. Like you said, you're forming memories, and and those are those are the important things. You may not realize it now, but down the line, you'll they'll remember, you know.

SPEAKER_01: 34:10

Yeah, and it it's you know, I think since we started doing that, we just first of all, I started we started doing that. Um I remember growing up, we all had like TVs in our own rooms, and so it was like a hotel. You just go you you bring your dinner, you go straight into your room, and you just watch TV, and you know, and it's like there was no interaction because everybody just went in their own way. And so we started doing that more recently because it because I I don't know. I I I just felt like the screens were getting in the way. And then I just learned so much about our children at the dinner table, and then now they look forward to to dinner time. Now they look forward to like reading a question in an icebreaker, and then now like they willingly share things with us, you know, without like now, like when they come home, it's not like how's f how was school? It's fine. Like they tell us, let me tell you what so-and-so did, let me tell you what happened today. You know, it's like they're more willing to share because I feel like we started that um what is it? I guess we gave them the invitation to like really speak up and that their voice mattered, you know.

SPEAKER_02: 35:14

Oh, okay, yeah. Like you still it's like a conversation starter, like about the whole thing. Like you're they're now transparent with you, like you know what I mean? They're more open. Yeah, we guys started that, so that's amazing. I'm Carlene, and this is Diva tonight with Melissa Schillingford in New York. I think that Melissa is going to be sharing something very interesting in our next episode, and she'll be back to share something very exciting. I don't know what it is or what's happening, but something to look forward to. Is that right?

SPEAKER_01: 35:53

Yeah, I mean, like, there's definitely something emerging, emerging out in New York, and really, you know, it's it's it's really exciting, and it's just it's a it's truly a beautiful thing. And I kind of want to say, like, I guess the least thing I will say about this is like it's a powerful sisterhood that is emerging out in New York, and I'm just really excited to see how this continues to transform our communities and to see it emerge over time. So, yeah, just yeah, stay tuned.

SPEAKER_02: 36:27

Definitely I'm so excited. You know what? I feel like this really is an um a year where it's like we're having some breakthroughs in a lot of things, and you know, I feel like this whole series that I'm working on is really empowering in a way because I'm I'm noticing like you know, people are enjoying the fruits of their labor and working towards something, whatever that thing is. And it's it's a it's great to see. I'm I'm I'm glad to be a part of the journey and you're gonna share that. You know what I mean? It's it's it's it's good. It's good. But yeah, stay tuned for more on diva tonight. If you enjoyed the conversation, please send me a text. The website is divatonight, jobbuzzprout.com, and I'm with Melissa, and she is with Make Ideas Work. So if you need help in that way with your team, she'll probably help you, right?

SPEAKER_01: 37:25

That's good. Yeah, we'll help you work smart and not harder.

SPEAKER_02: 37:28

I love that saying, work smarter, not harder.

SPEAKER_01: 37:31

Thank you, Melissa.

SPEAKER_00: 37:32

Thank you, Carlene. Thanks for listening to Diva Tonight. Follow us on Instagram at DivaOntheRadio. That's diva with two eyes. And don't forget to follow us on TikTok at Diva on the radio. For more clips and conversations you'll love. Want to share your thoughts or send us a message? Text us anytime at divatonight.buzzsprout.com. Until next time, stay fabulous.