69: Thriving at the Holidays

It is the holiday weekend, and the fear of food can be increased.

The fear is real because we are in situations that can be uncomfortable. Feelings of anxiety, overwhelm, loneliness, confusion and possibly anger might show up. Let’s talk about some real-life issues that show up over the holiday weekend and walk through what you can do to manage them better (feel more successful). Note that being successful does not include restricting food!

Join us in this Feed Your Soul with Kim Podcast where we discuss:

• 5 situations that might cause you concern and increase your emotions.
• Why overeating is ok. Give yourself some slack! Go easy on yourself.
• Tips and tricks to help lessen the emotions. 

In this podcast Kim discuss’ Emotional Eating Solutions her signature self-paced course to look at food differently. This course is the way to get into action and make changes in your food AND in your life!

Find out more about Emotional Eating Solutions here:  https://feedyoursoulunlimited.com/emotional-eating-solutions-self-study/

Want more information? You can find out more about Kim McLaughlin at www.FeedYourSoulUnlimited.com

Here are some blogs and podcasts on emotions:

Food Freedom Live: Emotional Eating

What is Emotional Eating?

Are you an Emotional Eater? Get the free quiz. 

Kim McLaughlin, MA

Kim McLaughlin is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, inspirational coach, speaker, and writer. She helps people who feel frustrated overwhelmed and overloaded, and it shows up in overeating. She has a Master of Arts Degree in Clinical Psychology. Kim is a certified Intuitive Eating Counselor, and she assists people to gain peace with food. 

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http://feedyoursoulunlimited.com/

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Transcript

Kim McLaughlin: 0:02

Welcome, welcome, welcome to the feed your soul with Kim podcast, I am Kim McLaughlin, your host, you are in the right spot. Since you've chosen this podcast to listen to today, I know you're gonna get a lot of value out of it. And I hope that you'll do me a favor and subscribe and review the podcast. Because the more reviews we have, the more people find us. And we want more people to come listen to all the information we have. Also, if you're here, you're probably struggling with food in a certain way. And I want to encourage you to look into our emotional eating Solutions Program. It is an eight week Self Help Program that is really powerful. And you can find the link to the emotional eating Solutions Program in the show notes or go to my web page at feed your soul unlimited.com. In the meantime, let's get started with the podcast. Hi, everyone, welcome to the podcast. Today we're talking about the holidays, we're going into a holiday weekend. And I wanted to pop on and have a podcast about what happens to us over holiday weekends and how you might get thrown with food and being with other people. So I wanted to go through some common scenarios that I hear happen with my clients and actually have happened with me. And let's get some tools together to have a different way of coming together on the weekend. I remember before when I used to be on many diets, we would go over the holidays in terms of what we wouldn't eat and how much we could put on our plate and how we had to strategize around food. And I want to come to the table differently this weekend, and talk about how to come to the table literally and figuratively in a different way without the focus being on the food. And without us trying to figure out how many calories how many macros how many, but are we in Quito are we not? And just focus on how to have a more balanced life. Because that's really what we're talking about when we're talking about peace with food is having a balanced life. It's about the food, but it's really not about the food. And that is what we're going to talk about today. So going into this weekend, I want to go over some common situations that happen. And let's talk through what you can do about it to have a different result, a different result this weekend. One of the things I find that becomes difficult over a holiday weekend is that we eat at a different time than what we're used to. There's a different routine and a different focus for the day that can be causing lots of difficulties and and feeling off in terms of the day. It's funny at all my gym we normally have. I do yoga on Sundays, and every Sunday, unless I'm out of town, I do yoga on Sunday morning. This Sunday, there's no yoga so that throws off my Sunday. And there's a workout if I want to do it at six o'clock in the morning. If you've listened to me talk before, I'm not a morning person like that. So me getting up to be anywhere at six o'clock, and especially if it's not for yoga, I'm probably not going to go. So my just my basic routine is different for this weekend. And it makes me think about what do I need to do differently. So I thought about taking a walk or maybe sleeping in that morning and have more time to journal which is something that I like to do. So since there's going to be a different routine for me that day, I am thinking about what can I do differently, to make this different routine actually resonate with me and help me out. Help me move in a direction that feels good for me. So even though it's going to be a different routine, it can be a routine that I can move into and that will be positive for me. So that's one thing that happens over a holiday weekend is the different routine. Another thing that can happen over a holiday weekend is that there are holiday foods that are present that we don't normally have even around us and that makes us concerned about it. over eating or binging because there are these special foods that we have just once a year, we're at the Easter holiday time right now. And there are certain foods that are Easter foods that I don't think are around other times of the year, like, what was a hearing, somebody's telling me about those Cadbury eggs? Well, I don't like those things. So I'm not going to have one of those. But those are if they're one of your food, or those were then called peeps, if those are one of your foods, like they're only around this time of year, and that might be something that you find super special, and feeling uncomfortable having them because you're gonna think that you're binging. And I just want you to consider that when they're a holiday food. There's something that's special and something that you really like and really want and what's the problem and having something that's a special food that you have once a year, and really enjoying the heck out of it, really enjoying it, because it's that one food you have once a year, what we can do is think that it's bad to have it because we might have more of that one food than we'd normally have. Because it's that special food that special food associated with that holiday. I want to give you permission to eat the food you want. Eat the food you want, and enjoy it. And really give up the criticism and feeling angry at yourself that you might have eaten more than you really thought you should. But it's because it tastes yummy. It's just one food. It's one day, and it doesn't have to continue every other day. What happens when we get into this, when we have this food that's around once a year, it can feel like we've restricted the whole year. We've talked before about the diet mindset. Remember that being in restriction can lead to us feeling like we can't have something it will ultimately lead to us binging which ultimately leaves us feeling ashamed, which ultimately leaves us restricting. And that can happen, that whole cycle can happen around one day, one holiday day where there's a food that you really like that you can't have the rest of your because they actually don't make it and it's not out and about. We then think badly about ourselves because we've eaten more than we think we should when really it's that we've restricted on it the whole year, we haven't been able to have it. And then when we have it we have a little more than we want. So I want to tell you to go easy on yourself. And if you have it, enjoy the heck out of it and move on the next day's a new day. And move out of that idea that you're binging. And it's more just I'm eating something that I don't normally get to have. And I'm going to move on and go back to my regular schedule the next day. The third thing that can happen is we can end up saving i Oh, I don't know like calories. I remember when I was calorie counting. I remember if it was a special meal, I wouldn't eat earlier in the day. So I would come to the table really, really hungry. And then I would eat faster than I wanted to it more than my body needed. And I need to well over full and not feel good, because I had not eaten all day. And I basically came to the table starving. Once again, what we're talking about with this also is that we're restricting earlier in the day to give us this one huge meal. And our bodies aren't made to do that to have a huge meal all at once. So I want to encourage you to eat throughout the day and eat food until you're satisfied. And then when you come to your special meal, have the foods that you want. Have them later if you want to have them but really move out of this mindset of restricting because that's what you're doing. If you're not eating earlier in the day to save all of your calories or all of your macros whatever you call them to have at this one meal. So really look at having get more back into your routine and, and stay in that routine because that's where your body that's where Intuitive Eating comes in. We wouldn't do that to children and say oh, you've got to wait for this one special meal and you can't have any other food throughout the day that just would never work and that's how I think about it when I think about us as adults. And Intuitive Eating is that we eat like we we did when we were children. So I encourage you not to save up for the one meal but to eat throughout the day. Eat to satisfaction and at the one meal. Have the food that you want and enjoy the food. Enjoy what you're doing. have leftover If you'd like, so you can kind of prolong the meal, get out of that restrictive dieting mindset. Another thing that happens, the fourth thing that I kind of was thinking of that happens over the holiday weekend is we can then be around people that we don't normally see. And we end up eating with them. And sometimes we actually have emotions about them. It can be people that we know, family, friends, acquaintances that we might have some emotions about that might not feel so good. And we're then around them, because that's sometimes what happens at holiday meals is people that we don't normally see we end up seeing, and we sometimes don't see them very often because we don't necessarily like them, or don't like how they act, or we don't like how they make us feel. So that can come up around this time of year or in these situations, there are a lot of options for that one that I talked about when it's around the Christmas holiday I've talked before about is this really a meal you want to share with this person, if you have so many negative emotions about them? Is it really somebody that you want to hang out with, and maybe you want to make a different decision about not being around them. And there are other things you could do is like, literally not be around them at the event and just hanging out with other people, I tend to like to think about where I might have high emotions around a person and then find my way to be a little clearer of them. And to have some ideas about what I might talk with them about or, or a way to keep everything more level and balanced and not feeling angry or kind of triggered triggered is the word I'm thinking of. And so not feeling triggered by them. So I might have some ideas about what I might talk to them about. The other thing I'll tend to do is set up a time, if I think I'm going to be frustrated with anybody is to set up time to take a walk. So I will make it a point to get somebody that I'd like to spend time with and offer to take a walk with them. And that actually has been something that's worked really, really well, because it gets me out of the house, it gets me in some fresh air, and then I get to talk to somebody that I find really interesting. And then my emotions don't get triggered. Or if they do i There's a way to tone it down. So that I don't feel as upset as I might have felt before. Because what we know is that if we have a lot of these emotions, that's when we might tend to overeat or emotionally eat because we're trying to take care of ourselves. And for a lot of us, eating is the way that we found to take care of ourselves. What we know in the end is that it feels good for a certain amount of time when we're eating over emotions. But in the end, it actually does not help the feeling go away. And what we know is that it actually increases emotions. It might if you're feeling angry at somebody and you eat because you're feeling angry and uncomfortable, then it helps for the time that you're eating, not feeling so mad because there's a lot of feel good chemicals in food. But what happens later is that then your tummy might be upset or you might be frustrated with yourself that you ate this food, and then you don't feel good. And then you feel angry yourself. So it works for a moment and then it doesn't work. These are different things to do in order to manage your emotions. I have lots of blogs and podcasts on emotions all I'll give a link in the show notes for blog and other podcasts we've done on emotions because those can be really helpful if you think emotions are going to be triggered this holiday weekend. Hi guys, this is Kim and I want to let you know that the emotional eating solutions eight week course is open now you can find it on my website at feed your soul unlimited.com Go to the work with Kim tab and click on that. This is the time to get peace with food. And I know this course will help you. You also can find the link in the show notes to the emotional eating solutions, eight week self study course. The fifth thing I wanted to bring up about holiday weekends that I find happens a lot and I hear it over holidays but actually lots of times is people talking about good versus bad foods and they will be while you're literally eating talking about whatever food it is that surround them that it's bad food. And it's really kind of disconcerting because if I'm actually eating that food and they call it a bad foods like, I don't feel super uncomfortable. And I don't like that. And I just find it's interesting about that good versus bad food that comes into play. The other thing that will happen is that sometimes people will say, I'm being bad. So that means the translation is, that means I'm eating a lot more food, I'm eating more calories, I'm eating sugary foods, I'm eating foods that are holiday foods, and calling yourself bad because you're doing that you're not being bad by having food that you want, and have the food that you want, enjoy the heck out of it. And let's move on, there is no good or bad food, food is food. I talk about that a lot on this podcast, that it creates a situation where that's this kind of diet mindset when we talk about being bad, or that there's good food and bad food, I want you to consider it for yourself that possibly you're the one saying that it's good food or bad food, and I'm eating bad food, or I'm being bad. And just really consider what that means for yourself, and why you need to talk like that about food, and how does it set you up to have this really negative feeling about food, when we're sitting down to enjoy food and to have a lovely meal. And there's nothing bad about that nor bad about the food. The other thing that people will talk about on a holiday weekend on a holiday meal is that they're counting calories, or they'll talk about whatever diet they're on or talk about how they're only can have a certain amount and I don't know about for you, but for me that feels uncomfortable because it feels judgmental. And I kind of wonder so you judging my food and what's going on with the this kind of judgmental talk. And really think about that, if it's you or if you're around people that are talking about the calories or what they should and shouldn't have, that it really creates an atmosphere of, of discomfort and really not this kind of joyous time that we want to have. Because I think that's what a holiday meal is supposed to be right. And we're having a holiday meal together. It's because we want to enjoy it and want to enjoy ourselves. And just think about the negativity that goes with that. And that it's really about the dieting mindset, when we start talking about calorie counting and how what we're eating and and how much we should eat or shouldn't eat. The last thing I wanted to bring up that I hear people say, and I hear people it said about them is that they're talking about family members and how much weight they've gained. And it feels gossipy, when that happens, and it becomes this idea that I'm better than you or I know more than you or there's something wrong with you, if you've gained weight or whatever in the mind, you think that somebody has gained weight, it's really a negative way to be around people. And I really want to discourage that. And if you're a part of it, or if you hear people saying, I really encourage you to challenge it and to challenge what they're saying and why they would be talking to some talking about somebody in a negative way and really engaging in gossip, because gossip really is creates this negativity, I keep saying negativity because I don't know how else to put it in a way that feels. I'm trying to be kind when I'm saying words, but just consider it that if there's talk about family members and their weight, and how much they weigh, or, or possibly that they've lost weight that really we're we're engaging in going into somebody's boundaries, because that's actually the thing that happens if somebody's lost a lot of weight that we might make mention of that, or Oh, look at them, they've lost weight generally that the topic will be if they've gained weight, that's a negative if they've lost weight, that's a positive, I want to encourage you to look at what that means for you and what you're putting on people and putting on yourself about what weight means to you. It is just a measurement. That is one of the many measurements and what people will then go to is that if somebody has gained weight, there's a lack of health and if they've lost weight, it's that they're more healthy. And that could not be further from the truth. There is not a correlation between any of that. And I just want you to consider that this can be part of gossiping and part of being in a negative frame about other people because if you're talking about other people that way, then what are you feeling about yourself? And are you really feeling so positive about yourself? If you're saying that, and if you're listening to other people say that, then this might be the time to confront it. So it's something I've been hearing more about. And I wanted to bring this up here on this podcast, because it's a way of pathologizing people, and it's just not the right thing to do. Let's get some doable together for this holiday weekend and think about what you need to do for yourself. Do you need to create a routine that works for yourself? Do you need to identify foods that you want to have on your holiday table that are special foods that really, this is the one time of year you have it, and you'd really like to have it. Also consider that you could have your duel be, I'm going to allow myself to eat the things that I'd like to eat. And I'm not going to have judgment on myself. I'm not going to judge myself for eating the things that I'd like to eat. It's one day it's one big meal. It's no big deal, because it's just one day and one meal. Also, another thing that you can consider is having food throughout the day, eat when you're hungry, stop when you're full, enjoy your food, enjoy what's going on around you. If you're around people that you don't want to be around. I give you permission to take a walk. I give you permission to go talk with somebody else, right? So really hang out with people that you enjoy and do things that you enjoy because that's what the holidays to me, at least are supposed to be about. I know that one of these duels will really bring some peace to you and peace to your table and peace in your life. So I encourage you to do that. I look forward to talking with you on the next feature soul with Kim podcast. Bye everyone.