76: Don’t Weight: Love Yourself Now!

 I often hear people say that all they want to do is lose weight and how different their life would be when they do lose that weight. If you are focused on losing weight you are focused on the wrong thing. 

If you think losing weight will solve your problems, then you need to listen to today’s Feed Your Soul with Kim Podcast.   

Join us in this Feed Your Soul with Kim Podcast where we discuss: 

·      Why it is important to love your body AS IT IS NOW! 

·      The 4 techniques to help you love your body now. 

·      Practical doables to get you in motion. 

Emotional Eating Solutions

 
We love talking about food satisfaction and all the ways to better take care of yourself. BUT do you need more?

Emotional Eating Solutions is Kim’s signature self-paced course to look at food differently. This course is the way to get into action and make changes in your food AND in your life!

Find out more about Emotional Eating Solutions here:  https://feedyoursoulunlimited.com/emotional-eating-solutions-self-study/

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Want more information? You can find out more about Kim McLaughlin at www.FeedYourSoulUnlimited.com

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Kim McLaughlin, MA

Kim McLaughlin is a psychotherapist. coach, speaker, and author. She helps people who feel frustrated overwhelmed and overloaded, and it shows up in overeating. She has a Master of Arts Degree in Clinical Psychology. Kim is a certified Intuitive Eating Counselor, and she assists people to gain peace with food.

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Transcript

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Welcome to the feed your soul with Kim Podcast. I'm Kim McLaughlin your host. I work with people who feel stressed and overwhelmed and it shows up in over eating and feeling bad about their body. Today our topic is don't wait. Love yourself now. And we're spelling wait W E IG HT. I hear people say often that they want to lose weight, and they imagine how different their life would be once they do lose that weight. And if you're focused on losing weight, you're really focused on the wrong thing. I want you to listen to this podcast because what we're going to talk about is why it is important to love your body as it is right now. We're going to talk about four techniques to help you love your body right now. And as always, we're going to get practical and have some duels to get you in motion. Let's get started. Today, I want to talk about Wait, I was reminded through the questions I've had this week about weight and being really concerned about weight, that there was a talk I used to give it's called Don't wait for techniques to love yourself now. And I thought that I really looked at it and I changed it around to really address what we're talking about when we talk about not liking our bodies and being upset with ourselves and that there's this focus on weight and not being comfortable with how we feel about our weight. And I've don't wait it's W E IG HT right? Because sometimes we think we have to wait wa it for our weight W E IG HT to be off. And so we don't live our lives. Because we're so concerned about our weight, about the size of our body. And I often will say, how much are you loving yourself? If we're focused on weight? I come back to the thought of and how do you feel about yourself? How do you feel about your body? How do you feel about who you are right now. I find that when we focus on our weight on the size of our body, that were focused on something extremely external, and often feels like it's out of control. And there are so many more things that we can be in control of, which then affects how we feel about our body, and then how we treat our body. So my question to you is, why is it important to love your body? Now? Why is it important? Why? Why do I keep talking about this? Week after week after week, I talk about loving yourself loving your body, in the six components to in the emotional eating solutions course in the six components physical, emotional, mental lifestyle, mindfulness, self love. Self what love is the last one, because nobody would believe me if I put that first which is actually where it lies. It lies it is first. It is underneath all of the things we think about ourselves. And all the problems we have is is itself love. A client of mine used to say every time I would talk to them about what's there talk to me about what's going on. And I'd say well, and they say, okay, Kim, I know it's about self love. Every time it's about self love, it's like yeah, how is it about self love. So I want to really embrace that today and see what we can come up with for all of you to embrace your weight. Embrace your size, embrace your body. What people will come to me and the first thing they'll say is that physical component is I want to lose weight. They'll say, why would you like some help, they'll say I want to lose weight. And they talk about and think about and recall how different how much better how wonderful their life was and will be when they're focused on their when their weight is smaller. And they generally have a certain size, a certain number on the scale that will then make them feel good about themselves. So we're relying on the size of our body, then equals how we feel about our lives, and how we feel about ourselves. And if you're not at that position where you think your body size is the right size. Generally people on this call are people who feel that way. That when you think that you're not at the right size, you think something's wrong with you and then That's where there's a lot of name calling and negativity and anger towards yourself. And that builds that shame. We've talked about this a lot that that cycle of restrict diet leads to binging and overeating, which leads to shame in the circle, and the shame makes us not want to like ourselves, and the only thing we think we can do is go back up to the top of that circle, top of that cycle, and diet. So really, that cycle is insidious and keeps you stuck. It just keeps you stuck. Hi, guys, this is Kim. And I want to let you know that the emotional eating solutions, eight week course is open. Now you can find it on my website at feed your soul unlimited.com, go to the work with Kim tab and click on that. This is the time to get peace with food. And I know this course will help you, you also can find the link in the show notes to the emotional eating solutions, eight week self study course. Saying you want to lose weight keeps you in that cycle, that diet binge shame, diet cycle that you really will never get out of until you jump off of it. And I do think one of the best ways to jump off of that cycle is to love yourself. And to really get more in touch with what's really true about you. And what's really true about who you are, and let go of the body needing to look a certain way. The weight is external self love is internal. And the more we can focus, we're talking earlier about the magic, the magic, and the wonder and the greatness about who you are, we focus less on weight, more focused on weight, we're focused on judgment, and putting ourselves down and saying that we're not okay, who we are is not okay, because of the size. And what I'll hear from people, as they'll tell me, Kim, I'm just telling the truth. I'm telling you the truth about myself. I am obese, I am fat, I am too big. I am not acceptable. I'm not acceptable in this world. And there is a part of that that is true about the lack of fat acceptance. Because there's so much body shaming, fat shaming, there is this idea in our world that if you your body size is larger, overweight, fat, obese, whatever word you use are just larger, I like to say just larger, that there's something wrong with you that that there's kind of an immoral inferiority, that you have failed in life. Because of your body size. Think about that you've failed in life because of your body size. And that's a lot of that's a lot of the underground message that we hear. And that we take on. And I'd like to invite us to jump off of that, to hop off of that idea of there being something wrong based on your body size. I've said this before, I'll keep saying it, who you are is not your body size, who you are, at the core of who you are, is not your body size. So I'd like to start disconnecting that. And that's why I like to keep talking about this. Let's disconnect it. Let's pull that apart. So let's look at four techniques. Lots more than four, lots more than four. But let's look at four that I've thought of that I use, not perfectly. I'm not perfect in any of these. And I come back to these all the time to get on track. And so let's just look at some techniques that you can start using to love yourself more and to move off of that idea of having to be so focused on your weight. The first one which can be really really really hard. I find this one hard. And that is keep clothes that fit. have clothes that fit. Oh my gosh, I can hear y'all yelling at me now but cam I shouldn't be able to fit into those clothes. I'm wasting all this money. I shouldn't have to get rid of things because someday I'll fit back into them. And what I know is that when we start saving clothes because Maybe you, I used to do this. I know lots of my clients do this is have piles of clothes for the different sizes. Based on what year they were from. I remember I used to have that. I used to have my pile of clothes that were from all the different years and one was from a lot of years prior. And there was a point where I did release enough weight, and I could wear them. And I put them on. And they were horrible. They looked horrible, because they weren't in fashion, then what I realized was keeping clothes, because they fit before actually made me feel ashamed. Because it made me It kept reminding me that I'm not the way I used to be. And it would make me feel bad about myself. And so I thought, well, I've lost all this weight, I now can wear these clothes, and I put them on, it's like, dang, they don't look good, because they're the wrong style styles go in and out. And I just found that interesting because I had kept them because I thought I should save them because I'll save money. And there was a moment I could wear them and then a moment I couldn't wear them. So it didn't work. And it didn't make me feel good. And the way I want to feel good. And having bags and bags or boxes. I know clients have told me they have boxes of clothes in the garage, or they have them all in their closet. That having these clothes that don't fit can really make you feel bad about yourself. And I want to wonder why do you have them? Why do you have them? And that's that internal conversation about? What am I saying about myself that I can't buy new clothes if I need them. Or if if my size changes, I can get what I need. It's really a way of kind of being self deprecating, and, and mean to yourself. Now I don't. I'm a simple girl with simple words. It's not a loving thing to do. So have clothes that fit, keep clothes that fit. Also clothes that you like that, when they go out of style, they don't feel the same way they just like these aren't in style, so they don't quite fit anymore, or they don't fit the style of what you want to have. So have clothes that fit you comfortable in your skin, feel comfortable in what you wear, and celebrate it and enjoy it. Okay, so that's one technique to love yourself is to have clothes that fit. Another one is so basic, and so profound. Magic. Magic is acting lovingly towards your body right now. What we'll say is I can't do anything nice for myself until I've lost weight. My reward for losing weight is I get to get a massage or I can have a pedicure, or I can buy that the new clothes that fit my reward for losing weight. And so I don't get to be loving towards myself until I've lost weight. I'm not lovable until I've lost weight. I kind of tape that went in. And I want to encourage you to be loving towards yourself as you are right now. You are not your size, your size is not who you are. And being more loving helps move us forward in all the direction of all of our goals. Being self deprecating and holding back on loving on yourself will not help you match any goal. And I'm taken out of the mix a weight loss goal, just any goal. So loving on yourself is super important. I wrote down take a bath. Get in the Jacuzzi. We have a Jacuzzi. Now we got one recently oh my god, it is extraordinary. Take a walk, walk down the street. Say hi to your neighbors. Take in the fresh air the cool air at nighttime. Use a lotion that smell good. Put on red lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick today for those of you who can't see. And be focused on what makes you feel good. What makes you feel good and act lovingly towards your body. Now, this isn't a game where we can only love ourselves when we've met a weight loss goal. So love yourself now. The third one the technique to help you love yourself now is to affirm a healthy body right now. Whoo. That's one affirm a healthy body right now. And that that is this thing of I actually my goal is not weight loss My goal every day is not to lose weight, it is about to be as healthy as I can be. And that can sound I was thinking, as I was thinking about this talk today is that can sound really ableist, because there are people that don't have the level of functionalities that I do. And there are people who have more functionality than I do. And health is very relative. And it's really your definition. The problem with what's happened is that we have been co opted into the idea that health is about the size of your body, rather than the functioning of your body. Right. So what they'll say that the, the weight loss industry, to me has hijacked health, they'll say, I'm a people say, Oh, I'm going for a healthy lifestyle, I just want more health. Well, that is code word for going on a diet, that is code for I need to release weight. And remember, the weight loss industry is a $58 billion industry. That is a huge industry that now has taken over the idea of health, and it has made it about weight loss. And we can talk a lot about size and diversity. And that size is not indicative of health. BMI is not indicative of health. So when we move off of that idea that there's this number on the scale that equals health, that just is not true. And I encourage you to disconnect the idea of health from your body size, instead put it in the ID, the idea of my functionality, what do I want to do for me, I want to be able to bike ride, and I want to be able to swim in the pool, I want to be able to walk distances and hike, that's important to me, that's part of my lifestyle. That's what I want to do. And that's also what I want to do through aging also is to be able to do those things. Those to me are really important. Those might not be yours. Those might not be yours. I remember one person telling me a long time ago that their their goal was to walk around Costco, the perimeter of Costco, and I just thought, how wonderful what a great goal, to have a goal of being able to do that, or another person told me their goal was to walk, be able to walk with their kid through Disneyland. And, and sometimes that's not possible that there are some functional or body issues that make it hard to walk that far. And so then being in a wheelchair, or having somebody assist, you can be your best way to be healthy. And this is a very personal thing, what is health to you? What is health to you. And so deciding what health looks like to you, is really valuable. And I'm going to once again say that this needs to be disconnected from weight and your size. Because your size is not indicative of health, people will say they'll look at somebody and say they're not healthy, based on what will based on their size. So your interpretation of their size means that they're not healthy. That is not true. You can't tell a small person in a smaller body that they're more healthy than a person in a larger body. And a lot of times statistics, and statistics will show that that's not necessarily true. Yo Yo dieting has a horrible effect on your body, on your heart, on your functionality. So yo yo dieting can be more detrimental. So look at that. And I really encourage you to look at what what does health mean for you? You know, at the end of all these talks, I like to have duels, what are you going to do? One of the things you can do is to have a little journal time about what does health mean to me. I mean to me, Kim, I told you walking, being able to, I mean, ultimately, as I age, I want to be able to get up off the floor. That's a lot. I mean, that's a fine goal, as you age to be able to move around easily and do the physical things you want to do. The fourth technique that I find really helpful in terms of self love and moving off of that, look at your weight and your body size is mindfulness. More Mindfulness is, is that idea of being really present inside yourself, right? When we were talking about weight, we're talking about the external body, the external illness. And when we look at mindfulness, we're talking about internal, who you are, is the internal part, the external is all fluff and just the body that you have moving through this life. Mindfulness gets you more in touch with who you are, and being more present with who you are. That's a lot of times what we want to do is binge eating, and overeating can be this disconnect from our body. Because when we're over eating, we're not connected inside of ourselves, I described the, the idea, it's this has been my story. And many of your stories, too, is over eating and feeling really disconnected outside of your body. And eating, eating, eating. And then there's a point where you've eaten so much that, to me, it's like this feeling of shoot, you come back down into your body and go, Oh, my gosh, I feel the food and the weight of the food. And this feels hard and difficult and to fall, and I'm uncomfortable. And that happens when we come back into our body. And then it's super uncomfortable being present in your body. So it's this disconnect, and then coming back into your body, that then create difficulties and, and lots of anger and shame about who you are, and that there's something wrong with you. So one of the great tools, techniques, ideas that I know of is mindfulness. And it's about being able to be present within yourself with who you are. And that can be tough. That can be tough. Like, you know, sometimes I know, people will say, you know, the last person I want to be in touch with is myself, because I don't like myself. That's the time that really, it's important to get support for who you really are, and what is really going on with you inside of you to really get back in touch with the, the greatness of you the wonder of you the love of you. One of my best techniques for mindfulness is literally just take a deep breath, just take a deep breath. There are lots of techniques for mindfulness, there's lots of techniques for breathing. But for me, it's just in through the nose, breathe deeply out through the mouth, in through the nose, out through the mouth. And there comes this connection with your body. If you really are present with that breath in and out, there is this then this connection and this feeling of gladness, magic again, right of Oh, that feels good. When we talked about acting lovingly towards your body, Oh, that feels good. So going to these thoughts that feel good, can allow us this opportunity to get more in touch with that love, that self love that self acceptance, by being more in touch inside with who we really are, and letting go of that focus on the external. You can have lots of takeaways from this today. And I hope that you try one of these techniques today. Look at your clothes and keep the ones that fit. Get rid of the ones that don't fit, act lovingly towards your body. affirm your health, and notice what your health is. And act mindfully mean act mindfully be in mindfulness and choose one of those and just try it today and see what that does for your level of self love. And see if it doesn't increase it. Really, really focus on that and if not one of those techniques and think of your own what are some some techniques you know, some tools that you know that help increase self love, because that is the way to move through. Letting go of diety letting go of your body size. The questions that I get is How do I lose weight and and I want to put that question on it's turn it over and go. Let's not focus on that. Let's focus on what really works. What really works is focusing on self love. That that is the takeaway today is focus on self love. Thank you for joining us on the feed your soul with Kim podcast. We come to you every Monday with fresh new ideas To help you and emotional eating and put food in its proper places nourishment, please be sure to subscribe to this podcast and review it and let us know what you think. Thank you for joining us.