81: How to Avoid Stress Over the Holidays

If you look anywhere on the internet you will hear about the stress of the holidays. I wondered what you are think about stress over the holidays, so I asked. 

I ran a survey asking: 

Do you need strategies to support you with food and all the overwhelm this holiday season? 

A whopping 86 percent said yes, they need strategies with food and all the overwhelm this holiday season. I was struck by how large the number was, 86%. It is not that you just have stress and overwhelm, but you do not know what to do about it!  

Listen to today’s Feed Your Soul with Kim Podcast, because we talk about the stress and what to do about it.  

Join us in this Feed Your Soul with Kim Podcast where we discuss: 

• 6 areas of stress and overwhelm this holidays season. 
• Learn what are simple ways to lessen the stress/overwhelm. 
• Come away with at least one doable to get you started. 

Peace with Food: Holiday Edition 

I mentioned in the podcast this super affordable option ($29) for me to support you over this holiday season. It starts soon and you do not want to miss out on the support and strategies to have a peaceful experience this holiday season. 

Check it out here: 

https://go.feedyoursoulunlimited.com/holidaychallenge2022 

Emotional Eating Solutions

 
We love talking about food satisfaction and all the ways to better take care of yourself. BUT do you need more?

Emotional Eating Solutions is Kim’s signature self-paced course to look at food differently. This course is the way to get into action and make changes in your food AND in your life!

Find out more about Emotional Eating Solutions here:  https://feedyoursoulunlimited.com/emotional-eating-solutions-self-study/

Get your Free Quiz…

Are you an Emotional Eater? 

Connect with Kim

https://feedyoursoulunlimited.com/

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTuSnNrSDhLvbhxoTMXZgog

Join us on Facebook in our Feed Your Soul Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1172488142887200/

Kim McLaughlin, MA

Kim McLaughlin is a psychotherapist. coach, speaker, and author. She helps people who feel frustrated overwhelmed and overloaded, and it shows up in overeating. She has a Master of Arts Degree in Clinical Psychology. Kim is a certified Intuitive Eating Counselor, and she assists people to gain peace with food.

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Transcript

Kim McLaughlin: 0:02

It's not too late to get into my special program peace with food over the holidays. This is a super supportive program to give you tools to help you move out of the struggle with food over eating, and feeling really overwhelmed this holiday season. It's super affordable at only$29. This program is designed to give you tools, tips and tricks to get out of overeating and get into peace with food. Check it out in the show notes below. Welcome, welcome. Welcome. Today we are talking about six tips to avoid stress over the holidays. It is that time of year we're getting close as I recording this to Thanksgiving, and we just got done with Halloween, lots of food issues of showing up lots of stress is showing up. If you don't know who I am, I'm Kim McLaughlin, and I am from feed your soul unlimited.com I help people when they're feeling frustrated, overwhelmed and overloaded. And it shows up in over eating and feeling really bad about their bodies. We have lots of programs that we help people with helping them feel good in their bodies and eat in a different way without dieting. And today when we're talking about stress, food is absolutely part of it. You know, I don't always talk about food itself. Because there are so many of the pieces that go around the food. And today is no exception when we talk about stress over the holidays. So it's I would say it's about the food, but it's not about the food. So we're going to talk a little bit about the food and a lot about all the other areas that are causing you stress. So if you are going to look anywhere on the internet, you're hearing a lot about stress. If you talk with your friends, you're hearing about stress. So I decided to run a survey. And I did this recently where I asked my people, the people that are on my newsletter. And if you go in the show notes, you'll see a link to get my newsletter if you're not on the list. But I asked them Do need strategies to support you with food and all the overwhelm this holiday season. I was shocked because 86% said yes, they said they needed strategies with food and with all the overwhelm over the over the holidays. That is a lot of people. Obviously, it's my sample size. And it's the people that talk to me. So they might be having more stress. But I think you can kind of extrapolate that that a lot of people probably including you are feeling stressed and overwhelmed over the holidays. The stress shows up in lots of different ways the overwhelm shows up in lots of different ways. So I I looked at kind of six major topics that we can go over today about where there might be stressed, and then we're gonna have some duels because you know, we're all into understanding what's going on. But then having some kind of strategy of how we're going to do it differently. The first thing I thought of when I thought about stress and overwhelm that probably is affecting many of you is the loneliness. And I think it's always strikes people as being curious that there is loneliness at the holiday time. And that that causes a lot of stress. And it's unexpected, because it's supposed to be the happiest time of the year, it's supposed to be the time where we all get together where we all have fun and eat and enjoy ourselves. And that just really isn't what lots of people's experiences are. And so you might have a situation where you're feeling loneliness, because family members don't want to get together, they're not willing to see each other, they're arguing with each other, they don't like each other. They live across country or on the other side of the world. So there isn't an opportunity to get together. But loneliness is really huge. And it's something that seems to catch people really off guard when they start to feel that way. And loneliness can show up when there are people around also like feeling just not connected, and feeling alone, even though there are people around so loneliness doesn't just come when you're by yourself. It can come when we're with others. So it's we're having this expectation that we're supposed to be happy, and with other people. And often we think that those other people are supposed to be people that were related to and then we're all supposed to get along. That's often not the case. So I think of strategies for loneliness is one of the ways to cure the loneliness when it's the loneliness about not having others around is to find people. But not just anybody. Because we're really wanting to be with people that are our people. That idea of being with a lot of people and still feeling aloneness, because they're not really your people and your people are the people that you feel comfortable with you feel loved with you feel encouraged with you feel a camaraderie with. And I think this is a great time of year to focus on. Who are my people? And who do I really enjoy spending time with, or who maybe do I want to reach out to and reach out to them, this new interconnected world that we have, we're able to do it on phone, on FaceTime, on Zoom, there's a lot of ways to make a connection when they're not even necessarily living in your area. But you can have this connection with people. And so I think a huge strategy for loneliness is to find your people, people that you want to be around and go hang out with them. It's, it's one of those situations where it can be hard when you're an adult to start reaching out to people, because you'll think, Oh, they're too busy. Oh, I don't know if they want to, oh, I don't know if they'd like to do this. And I've always found it's interesting that when I kind of like somebody, you know, as a friend and want to be more, get more close to them get closer to them. That really just takes me reaching out and saying, Hey, I'd like to spend some time with you. I was just somebody, I couldn't go to an event that they were putting on last week. And I had written them, I DM them and said I couldn't make it but that I was sorry that I missed it. And they said, Oh, you know, I'd love it. If we could spend some private time together, maybe we could go take a walk together and chat. It's like, Yes, I actually had been thinking of exactly that same thing myself is thinking, I really liked this person, I want to get to know them better. And I want to see about inviting them out to do something. So it was really kind of this interesting opportunity that it showed up. Right. As I was thinking I wanted to get to know them. And they were wanting to get to know me. And this is really in that friendship model. This isn't about, you know, get dating or anything like that. It's really about getting to know people and developing more of a friendship. So one strategy for loneliness is to reach out to somebody that you know, or you might want to get to know but feels like you have this camaraderie with them, and find a way to get to know them. So that is, I think a really important strategy that could be a really more positive than you think. The other thing I think about with loneliness is that what seems to really help is being around animals, go hang out with your pet, go take your pet out for a walk or just be with pets. You know, somebody has a pet borrow their pet. But that seems to really help with that loneliness feeling too, because it's once again is joining together and feeling this connection and this sense of love and caring. Another problem that comes up with that shows up in stress is family drama. That is super common. That was something that when I was talking about the loneliness, family drama can show up and be kind of tough, that just because you're related to somebody does not mean you're going to like them. And I think we all have to really come to terms with that, even though we're related doesn't mean that we're going to like them, or it doesn't mean that we're actually going to want to spend time with them. And this goes back to what I said about loneliness is finding who your people are, but also finding who your people are in your family. We have this kind of air of expectation that we're going to want to spend time with our family just because we're related, and that can lead to more stress because it's that shoulds and half twos and suppose twos that create that drama within ourselves leanness feel overwhelmed and stress. So what I think of with this is the starting point, to handle family drama is to really be more gentle with yourself to start kind of really wondering what you need, and asking yourself what is right for you. We get in this era of expectation, like I just said earlier that we have to do something with our family of origin and and you don't. So start thinking about where you might want to set a boundary. A boundary is a limit is, is saying no to the things that are a no, no to the things that don't work with you. If you don't want to go to a place of a certain time, no, I'm not going to go do that. Or if you don't want to hang out with certain people know that I don't want to do that. Just because their family and it's a holiday doesn't mean you have to do certain things. I have found with clients that I've talked to and people that other people that I talked to that this is a really freeing idea, it's a difficult idea, and can cause a little bit of stress in terms of thinking about, really, I could say, No, I could, I could end up not spending time with this person, right? You don't have to spend time with them if you don't want to. And I've helped lots of people work through that idea of what they really want to do. And sometimes it just becomes limiting having more of a limit, having more of a boundary of what you're going to do with certain people. What you will and won't do what you'll say, heck, yes, I'm going to do that. Or heck, no, I'm not going to do it, that there becomes this opportunity to live your life in the way that works for you. And having these kinds of boundaries can lessen stress, it can lessen stress on you and really lead to a more peaceful holiday or a more joyful holiday for you. Another stress third one that I have the stress and overwhelm is money over the holidays, oh, my goodness, there is lots of expectations to buy. And it can be about spending a lot of money that you don't necessarily have. Right, we all don't tend to save or if we don't save in our family, for the holidays, it's just kind of an added expense. And it can be really overwhelming. And we can tend to move out of what we can really afford. I know that with my daughter that we we've had to really manage how much money we spend because we think oh well buyer, this will buyer that will buyer this will buyer that and we really go overboard, we have gone overboard, I'll own it. And it becomes just too much in terms of the amount of things that we buy, but also the amount of money that we spend. And I think about Christmas. And one of our rules is we don't go into debt for Christmas. We don't come out in January with a credit card bill that we can't pay. And I would really encourage that because the stress is around Partly this expectation of spending money. But it's also where's that money going to come from. And if you're going into debt, that's really not helpful. And it leads to more and more and more stress. What's a strategy to help with money is one actually, like I said, is plan to buy things with money that you have and not go into debt because it really makes January very difficult if you're going into debt over buying presents for people with money that you literally don't have. So that's one thing. The second thing about money and spending and stress in the holidays would be, I think focus on changing the mindset to what you're grateful for what you already have that is positive. And I'm not really even talking about things things are good to be grateful for the you know, the lovely television that we have that that gives us an opportunity to watch Netflix, because that's so fun. And we get to see a lot of fun movies or being grateful for the things that we have. But it's also about being grateful for the people in your life, the situations that you have, the opportunities that you've had. I've even had it where i i will go around being grateful for things like that the water comes out of the faucet. I'm super grateful for that, that the garbage man comes to pick up the garbage person comes to pick up the garbage each week that I find makes me feel really good. And it changes. When I focus on gratitude. It changes my attitude to this really positive nature. And that, to me is more important than the things and what happens is when I start are being grateful for what I have for what we already have around us, then I kind of have a more light attitude and less stress over the holidays. And I can become more creative about what we give as a gift. And it then becomes not about spending money, it becomes about being thoughtful to the person that we're giving the gift to. And I love doing lots of different things, some require money, some don't require money, done all kinds of strategies over the years and gratitude brings me into that more positive peaceful space, that then I can then make better decisions about money. And, and how I spend it. Another stressful piece of the holidays is food. And over eating, and feeling bad about your body that is huge, huge, huge. And I want you to know that everything that we're talking about, will help lessen stress on food. So when we talked about money and family drama and loneliness, we're we're talking about all the areas that go into making us want to eat making us want to overeat, and in this problem with overeating, over the holidays comes for lots of different reasons. The people the money, that the loneliness, the stress, all those things create this bad feeling that we sometimes want to eat over. And that would be emotionally eating. So we emotionally eat, because we're not feeling good about ourselves. There's also this part about the holidays, that is really difficult because there are foods around that we're not always used to having that aren't always available. So you know, Halloween, there were certain kinds of foods that are available that we generally don't even necessarily have candy corn is one of the things I think. And then Thanksgiving time, there are other foods that we don't normally have around Pumpkin Spice Latte. And then Christmas time, Hanukkah time, all the other holidays in December are other food items that are associated, lots of families have different kinds of food items associated with the holidays. And it can become this feast or famine idea. So we don't have it all throughout the year. And then at this point in time, there it is in front of us. And we're going to have at it because it feels like restriction through the year. And this goes with the idea of diet and binge. And we've talked about this a lot on the podcast about dieting, restricting leads us to binge, which leads us to feel shame, which leads us to want to dye it again. And the dieting idea I find comes in throughout the year where we don't have these certain special foods. And then at the holidays, for a very brief period of time we have these items. And then we want to have a lot of them because we're not going to have any more of it. And this leads to stress, about food, about weight about fullness and really a sense of self love, loathing and shame about our body. And it's I think it's really important to start noticing that this is going on and just recognize it that there are these special foods over the holidays that you want and and kind of what's being triggered in you. So first with over eating as that stress point during the holidays is noticed what foods you really want to have. What are the foods that you really want to have? yummy foods are delicious. And there are lots of reasons to have them. So what are your foods that you really want to have? I have this thing oh my goodness, I was talking about it around Halloween where I wanted candy corn, I like candy corn, but I don't want to buy a huge bag. That's too many of them. I don't want that many of them. there for me when I have candy corn if I like just a little bit if I have too many of them, they start to be seen. They start tasting salty to me. So I just like a little bit. And usually there's a candy store that used to be here that I just buy a little teeny bag of them and then that would be satisfying to me. But that candy store is not around anymore. So this year I thought I don't know where I'm gonna get candy corn for and gosh darn it if I wasn't at a women's circle, and they had a little bowl of candy corn. Oh my gosh. I was in heaven. I took a little handful. Ah I love the heck out of it. It was yummy. I wanted it, it was one of the things I wanted over the holidays, I had it now I'm done. I don't need any more, because I got some of them. And I really wanted them. So just notice what are your foods that are the yummy foods that you really want to have. Normally, once a year, I'll have a pumpkin spice latte, I don't really want them throughout the year, I could make them later on in the year if I wanted to. I have one and done. But it's yummy. And I like it at this time of the year. So those are the things that I like to do. And I have them and then I'm good to go and I don't want anymore. The second thing you can do about food is really go easy on yourself. This is the time where there's a lot of food and a lot of things around. And there's a lot of stress. And that leads us to want to eat more food can be a way to manage stress. It is we do it we use food to make ourselves feel better. And it works. And it works until it doesn't work. It works until we start feeling upset about ourselves, we start feeling bad, we start having a little tummy upset, we start being mad about the wondering if we're going to gain weight and thinking that we'll have to go on a diet. So really be easy on yourself. It's a small window of time. The holidays, the Christmas Day is one day, Thanksgiving Day is one day. So there it can be minimized that on these days, yes, I'd like to have that. And then I'm done. And when you go easy on yourself, there isn't this kind of backlash of over eating. Because we're upset and angry. I had this, I enjoyed it. Now I'm moving on. And that kind of attitude really well, there's another way to, to get some help around food over these holidays, is get support from people who don't focus on dieting, when when they focus on dieting, then they're talking about don't eat this, don't eat that you can't have this, you can't have that I've had plenty of diets I've been on over the holidays where, you know, we have to map out on our plate. This is the amount of food I can have, I'm gonna have this and this and this, and I'm gonna have only this little much. Oh my gosh, it was so micromanaging of food. And it was just overwhelming. And it didn't really address my needs about why was I needing to overeat and what was going on for me. So I really suggest that you get a support system that focuses on how to help you with food, how to look at food differently without having to diet without having to restrict because we know that when you restrict, you're going to ultimately binge. So let's do it in a different way. I want to suggest that there is our peace with food over the holidays program, which is really affordable, very supportive. We have these little mini trainings that you can take many little ways to address, stress and overwhelm and food and the family and all the areas. They're really easy, doable goals, short, little less than five minute videos that you can follow along and do some different things as holiday, there's a link in the show notes for peace with food over the holidays, I really recommend you try it. It's super affordable, and super, super helpful. So the fifth problem that comes up in the holidays is having a normal routine. Routines are often gone because traveling guests, schedule changes, kids are out of school, there's a lot of things that are different. And we tend to not keep to our same routine. And this can increase stress in your body. It it makes your body overloaded. And I want you to consider that this could be the time to really lean into continuing your routine. Because then you're not stressing yourself on purpose. Obviously there are some nights we're going to stay up late or you're going to do it a little differently. But for the most part, let's have a regular set time to get up and time to go to bed. Regular times that you're generally hungry and look to those as being your your measure of of how you run your day. One thing that I think could be a really simple strategy to keep to normal routine is to have your bedtime routine be the same. Have it be as close to what you normally do as possible. Sleep is critical to ending over eating to releasing stress and to stop overwhelm. It's really critical. So this is something that sounds kind of simple, but it has such a huge effect. So I would strongly urge recommend that you keep as close to your bedtime schedule as you usually do, and have that be a really big win to lessen stress and overwhelm. The last area that I wanted to talk about with what leads to stress and overwhelm is unrealistic expectations. We talked about that a little bit around loneliness, that there are these things we think we're supposed to do. And we think other people are doing that we should be doing to these expectations can really make us feel really upset, and stressed and overwhelmed. And we're focusing away from what our real needs and wants are on to what we think they should be. And this is really fueled a lot by movies, by television, by the Internet and a lot by social media, we see the pictures of people that are going on this trip, and that you're been there with these families and this and they all look so happy, and they're so excited. And we really don't know what's on underneath all of that. And it can create this instant of jealousy, or competition and feeling less than. So I want to put it out there that these expectations that the holidays look a certain way really don't serve you. They don't serve you they don't serve any of us. So what I think of is, it's another time to determine what do you really want over the holidays, I talked about this in peace with food over the holidays is a holiday bucket list. What are the things you really want to do over the holidays, write them down, determine what they are and put them in the schedule and do them. This becomes the there not unreasonable expectation at this point in time, it becomes something that you want to do, and you feel that you're getting your needs met. And you're getting the things in your schedule that really feed you that feed your soul, do those things. So holiday bucket list, I strongly recommend if you decide to go into peace with food over the holidays, we have it all mapped out in there about how to do it. But otherwise, you can just write down what are the things you want to do over the holiday and put them in the schedule. Right? That is the big part is making sure that they're in this schedule. So we've gone over a lot of areas, they're not all the areas that are problems, you know, that cause stress, we're overwhelmed family drama, money, problems over eating routine goes awry, or unrealistic expectations. There are more than those areas that cause stress, I just wanted to give you some big, the bigger issues that tend to come up and really some simple ideas. So I really recommend that you make a doable, what will you do? Well, I've given out at least, um, 678 different strategies you could do related to all those areas. What's one thing you could do differently over this holiday to really decrease that stress and overwhelm? I promise you that the more you decrease in stress and overwhelm, the less food is going to show up as a way to manage that stress and overwhelm. This is Kim McLaughlin, thank you for listening. I love talking with you about all these strategies and I look forward to talking to you next time on the feed your soul with Kim podcast. Bye bye. Thank you for joining us on the feed your soul with Kim podcast. We come to you every Monday with fresh new ideas to help you end emotional eating and put food in its proper places nourishment. Please be sure to subscribe to this podcast and review it and let us know what you think. Thank you for joining us