138: Why Therapy Isn't Just for Crisis: How Counseling Helps You Build a Better Life

 Join Kim McLaughlin as she talks about the common reasons people think they do not need counseling. She challenges misconceptions that therapy is only for crisis, for “crazy” people, a sign of weakness. 

She addresses stigma, cost concerns, and media portrayals of mental illness. She frames therapy as preventive emotional care that supports the six pillars of mental health and helps people create a healthier, calmer, more meaningful life. 

Kim describes some common reasons clients seek therapy and highlights outcomes that she has witnessed in her office. She urges early intervention and explains therapy is collaborative, confidential, compassionate, goal-oriented, and individualized.

You'll learn:

• Common reasons people do not seek therapy (even when they should)
• Real reasons people go to therapy (they are not what you think)
• What therapy is REALLY like. 

00:00 Welcome and Topic

01:07 Therapy Beyond Crisis

02:34 Myths and Misconceptions

03:57 Stigma Cost and Weakness

07:07 Real Reasons People Go

10:41 Therapy Builds Self Awareness

14:12 Values and Relationships

16:35 Unexpected Benefits

23:42 Start Therapy Early

26:32 What Therapy Is Really Like

29:34 Reflection Questions and Wrap Up

Please note this podcast is not a substitute for mental health therapy or seeing your physician. Please see a qualified professional if you think you have mental health struggles. 

Get your Downloadable copy of How to Choose Your Right Therapist

https://go.feedyoursoulunlimited.com/choosetherapist-completeguide

Here are some links we discussed:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/136-the-missing-pieces-of-mental-health-6-pillars/id1473042304?i=1000772847927

Connect with Kim

Therapy: https://feedyoursoultherapy.com/

Coaching: https://feedyoursoulunlimited.com/

You Tube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTuSnNrSDhLvbhxoTMXZgog

Kim McLaughlin, MA

Kim McLaughlin is a psychotherapist. coach, speaker, and author. She helps people who feel frustrated, overwhelmed, and overloaded, and it shows up in feeling unsatisfied in your life. She has a Master of Arts Degree in Clinical Psychology. Kim is a certified Intuitive Eating Counselor, helping people to gain peace with food. 

We would love to get your feedback on this show and let us know what you would like to hear about in upcoming shows. Email us at info@FeedYourSoulUnlimited.com

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Transcript

0:02

Welcome to the Feed Your Soul with Kim podcast. If you're looking to feel better about your life and want to feed your soul, you are in the right place. Here, we believe that life just doesn't have to be so hard. I'm Kim McLaughlin, and I'm your host. I'm a licensed psychotherapist, speaker, coach, and bestselling author. And today, we're gonna talk about an interesting topic that I'm calling Why Therapy Isn't Just for Crisis: How Counseling Helps You Build a Better Life. There are some misconceptions about therapy and counseling, and I wanna go through some of them today and really give you a broader perspective on how therapy might help you. Some people think that therapy is only for when you're having a panic attack, getting divorced, experiencing severe depression, feeling suicidal, have some kind of major problem. And the other thing that people think of is therapy is for other people, not me. I'm not the one who needs therapy. And I just wanna talk about what that might mean for you because therapy is really about moving through difficult times- Therapy is not about surviving difficult times. It's really about creating a life that feels healthier, calmer, and a life that's really more meaningful. You go to a dentist if you have a toothache. You go exercise if you're having trouble with your mobility. You go for preventative care when you need it from other sources. And I want you to lean into the idea that having some preventative care for emotional help is equally important. I've talked before in our other podcasts, in the other Feed Your Soul with Kim podcasts, about mental health and therapy, and I talked about the six pillars of mental health, and they are physical, emotional, mental, lifestyle, mindfulness, and self-love. And I'll link in the show notes about where you can go listen to that on the podcast because it really helps you start thinking about what are the areas you could get help with when you're just not feeling quite in alignment with life First, I wanna start with some big myths about therapy. There are these common beliefs and misconceptions about therapy, and I wanna walk through them and see maybe if they resonate with any of you. One of them is, "I should only go to therapy if something is seriously wrong with me." Another one, I hear this a lot, "Therapy is only for crazy people. Therapy is a sign of weakness." I hear other people say, "I'll just go talk to my friend." There's also this kind of interesting joke about, "I'll go talk to my hairdresser." I've actually used to see a hairdresser that had a sign that says, "My hairdresser is my therapist." Nah, not really the same thing as going to a hairdresser as it is as going to a therapist. And the other thing that I hear people talk about is that therapy only focuses on the past and it only focuses on your family of origin and how you grow up. Those are really a lot of misconceptions, and you might know some others that you've heard about people saying what therapy is about, and that's why it doesn't res- resonate with you. And I think why these beliefs and ideas exist is for lots of different reasons. One is it's a generational message. It's something that I think from years and years ago, therapy wasn't as common. It wasn't something that people did or believed in. And so there were some messages I think people that maybe are older, that therapy isn't valuable or it's really not for them, and so they just think, "I'm too old. I don't have to go to therapy. Therapy isn't for me." Another thing that happens with therapy that I've talked about in a lot of my podcasts is this idea of stigma, mental health stigma, and that is the idea that you're crazy. There's something wrong with you. You're delusional. You're schizophrenic. You're bipolar. Whatever other words there are that puts stigma onto therapy and who goes for therapy. And I'm here to tell you that those negative perspectives are really not what therapists think of when we talk about why we help people. And I just wanna check in that if you're having that kind of mental health stigma message, that might be keeping you from going seeing somebody who actually could help you feel better. There's another belief that it is expensive, and really there are all ranges of therapy. I... If you come and talk to me, I have a certain price. There are people that charge more than I do, and people that charge less than I do. There are also places to go where it's very low cost or free because they have some kind of grant or funding that comes in. So there is this belief that it's too expensive, and I wanna tell you that really for any price point, you could find therapy that will fit for you. Sometimes you can even get it to fit within the, the confines of your insurance, and your insurance pays for all of it or part of it. So I really encourage you not to let that keep you from seeking out therapy if you're concerned about the cost. Another belief that exists about therapy is that you're gonna appear to be weak, that people are going to think that there's that you're a weak person. You can't handle business. You can't take care of your life. And I'm really here to tell you that actually it's when you're feeling strong and loving of yourself that then you go out to seek help because it's only gonna help you feel and act and be the best person you can. And I really wanna challenge you, if you have that fear of appearing weak, challenge that thought and really see where that comes from. Another place where beliefs come into play about what therapy is from movies. Movies and television portray therapy in lots of different ways. Sometimes the therapists are a little odd or awkward or condescending, and, or people that go to therapy are quite strange and there's something really wrong with them. And I just wanna say that there's a place for everybody within therapy, and sometimes the movies and television don't get it right, and what they talk about happens in therapy isn't what's really true. I'm here to really tell you what the reality is. The reality is that clients come to see me for lots of different goals and lots of different reasons and results that they wanna have. There are lots of things, like they wanna communicate better, they wanna communicate better with their partner or their children or for their boss, with their boss or people at work. That communication is often pretty big. Another reason why people come into therapy is they wanna reduce their stress. They're feeling overwhelmed and overloaded. I talk about that a lot, that's a lot of people that I see really want to reduce that stress. The other thing people come for therapy for is they wanna understand themselves better. They're confused why they're feeling a certain way or why they're thinking a certain way or why their behavior is still in this same pattern that they had before. So they wanna understand why they're doing what they're doing, and more than that, how they can do things differently. Sometimes they come to therapy because they want to learn how to set boundaries. They wanna learn how to say no to the things that are nos for them, and they just don't know how to do that. Hi, this is Kim. If something in today's episode brought up emotions or made you realize you'd like more support, you don't have to go through this alone. I work with people who are ready to feel more grounded, confident, and at peace in their lives. You can schedule a free 15 minute consultation and learn more about therapy and me at Feed Your Soul therapy.com. Other times, people come because they wanna be better parents, and I found actually that people come to therapy to wanna be better parents for kids of any age. People that are considering getting pregnant or considering getting pregnant come to therapy. I've talked to plenty about how they want to be as a parent and really work through stuff within themselves so that they feel when they have a child, that they're gonna be the best parent they can be. I talk with parents of all ages of children. I actually talk a lot with parents of adult children and how they're going to be with their adult children and even their grandchildren. So those are really important relationships that I think people really feel stuck in at times and want therapy to help them with Another reason why people come for therapy is they want to just feel happier and feel more joyful and feel better, and they don't understand why they feel so bad. And I love helping people move into that feeling of happiness and joyfulness in their life because they get some idea about what's holding them back or what's going on, and they figure out ways to move forward in a way that really feels satisfying in their lives. Another pe- reason why people come for therapy is they're recognizing unhealthy patterns. They're recognizing that they're doing things over and over again and expecting a different result. I work with a lot of people with eating disorders and overeating and binge eating, and they identify that as an unhealthy pattern that they really wanna stop. And I specialize in helping people look at that pattern and how they can live their life differently and really engage with food and their body in a different way so that they don't feel that they're doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a result that doesn't happen Therapy really gives you the space to become more of who you really are. I don't think it's really about fixing what's broken, because I don't think you're broken. I think we just lose sense of who we really are, and I look to help you figure out who the truth is. What is the truth about who you really are? And that's what I like to help people dig into, is who are you really and what maybe is going in your life, on in your life that you're not expressing or engaging with life in the way that you want to. It's really, to me, about understanding yourself deeper so you can live with greater intention, you can live with greater peace, and have this authenticity about how you're acting, how you're talking, is actually how you feel on the inside and what you want, how you want to be in this world Therapy can really help you raise an awareness of what's going on in your life in order to move forward. I say this often on the podcast and to my clients. We wanna get that awareness and understand what's going on, and then we can start moving forward. And that's where I help you break away what's... kind of those layers that hold you back from getting that awareness, so that you can start making that move forward and make those changes that you'd like to have in your life or embrace what's actually going on and be more comfortable with what's happening. So awareness is one thing I like to help people with in therapy with me. Also, helping people recognize patterns instead of reacting automatically. I work a lot with people on identifying what they're doing, especially with behavioral patterns, thought patterns, and how we automatically have a response. And generally, that automatic response isn't really how we want to think or behave. So when we can start having that awareness, recognizing those patterns of that automatic response, we then can decide is this really working to my higher benefit? Is this really what I wanna do?" And we can start making changes. I can help you make changes in how you might react to those patterns and actually react differently in a way that's more authentic to you Another thing that help, therapy can help you with is really recognizing and understanding, identifying, and naming your emotions rather than pushing them away. That, I find, is such a key benefit for people that are in therapy, that you get to really check in and figure out how you're feeling. I can't tell you how many people when I first start to see them will say... I'll ask them, "How are you feeling right now?" And they'll say, "I don't know." And that is something that is valuable to get in contact with, and we do that a lot in therapy about where are you feeling that in your body? What emotion is coming up? What is your sense of it? And then we get this broader perspective of our life and what's going on, and our emotions can really help us move forward to start looking at our lives in a different way. Another thing that therapy does is help you make choices that align with your values. This is where I talked earlier about reacting automatically, that when we start recognizing our values and what we believe and how we feel, and then looking at our behavior, is it aligning with all of that? And it really gives you the opportunity then to work with somebody to help you determine what do I need to do to align with my values? It's hard to do that because we can sometimes be rejected if we act in a way that really resonates with our values. We can be pushed away by others, and that can be hard. And so figuring out what our values are, how we'd like to act in congruence with them is super helpful. And then how do we manage other people's reactions when we a- when we do that, when we are in alignment with our values? It's super powerful to engage in all of those kind of conversations and to figure out what's real for you A big thing that happens in therapy is building healthier relationships. This is so vital. I talk with so many people, and we talk about their relationships, not to disrespect the other person, but just to figure out how does the person in therapy with me, how would they like to be in their relationship with that other person? What is a healthy way to be with them? How can they state their needs, their feelings, engage in behavior that's really in alignment with themselves in relationship to other people? Lastly, therapy can really help you create the life that is fulfilling, and it really gets you in touch with what you want your life to be like, not about what other people want for you or what those old memories are of those patterns that maybe your family or your parents gave to you. It's really about going inside yourself and going, "What is it I really want, and what kind of life would I like to create?" And that's actually where I find a lot of people come in because they're just dissatisfied in their life, and they just wanna live in a more authentic, realistic way that's connected to who they are. So those are lots of things that help, that therapy can help you with that really, I think, to me, align with what so many people need and want in their lives today with those things that come up in therapy, how it helps you, there's also some benefits I think that people don't expect from therapy, but it really helps in so many other ways. You might come in for one thing, like I said, I have lots of people come in that talk with me about their depression and how bad they feel and how depressed they feel. I also have a lot of people come in and talk about their issues with food and their issues with their body. And as we move together in the therapy work, there's so much more that happens for them beyond what they even expected from their time working in therapy. So some of the benefits that people don't expect that they get from therapy are, one is a better relationship. This happens so often, is you become a better listener. You communicate better and more clearly. You create healthier boundaries. You set up the stage for what you want. Sometimes that means that you need to course-correct with the person you're in a relationship with, where they're not necessarily matching you where you're at. And sometimes that then would require some couples counseling. And then we talk together about what you need from each other. But definitely an outcome of therapy can and often is better relationships. Another completely unexpected benefit from therapy is just having less stress in your life, having less stress in your body. What we do is we learn how... I help you learn how your nervous system, how your body responds to what's going on around you from all the stress from what people say, what people do, how they act and how your nervous system gets d- what we call dysregulated. And we talk about how that shows up in your life, and then we talk about how to lower those stress levels. That is a common occurrence in therapy, is that we work on those areas to lessen the stress, that stress in your life and how your nervous system responds. Another one that helps with the stress is you become more proactive instead of reactive. We can look at those ways that you act reactively, where you act in a way that you don't even expect and you don't like it. You're reacting. You're over-responding to somebody or to something and someone. What we do is move into being more proactive, deciding what your limits are, deciding what your boundaries are, having clear communication about what you want, knowing inside what really resonates with you and what you really want to have. That's being proactive, and that is one of the values of therapy that I think really decreases stress. The other thing that happens that I think is really unexpected in therapy is that you recover from stressful situations and stressful events faster. We all get stressed. I get stressed. Even as much as I work on my stress response and my nervous system, I still get stressed. We all do. What I find therapy helps with is helping you recover faster. So entering into a stressful situation, you can recognize where you are on the stress scale. How is it affecting you? How are you feeling? How are you behaving? And then you can do things that then ha- you have a opportunity to de-stress quicker. So valuable and such a big win from therapy. Another benefit from therapy that you wouldn't expect is having more confidence. You stop second-guessing yourself and wondering if you did the right thing. You trust your intuition more. I find that is a huge one that happens in therapy, is trusting your intuition. I'll ask people, as they're asking me what to do about a situation, I'll say, "Let's go inside of yourself and tell me what your intuition is telling you." Your intuition is there, it's just we've gotta move through all the layers to get to it so that you can really find out authentically what is it you need and how can you move into that intuitive sense. And that confidence is also built by becoming more authentic. Becoming more authentic with what is really something that resonates for you and is something that you want to do, not what you're told to do, but what that really resonates with you and is authentic to who you are and your values Another unexpected win from therapy is feeling better physically. And I think this is one of the ones that goes really unnoticed. It happens a lot with people that I work with eating issues 'cause we work on the physical side of the eating issues. But this physical idea of feeling better, and remember, I didn't say lose weight. I'm not saying that. What I'm saying is that you can feel better in your body. Your body feels calmer. You're having better sleep because we're talking about different ways to work with your mental health so that you have sleep, better sleep. You- your immune system functions better. You're able to manage pain better. You can find ways to de-stress to lower your blood pressure. There are so many ways that therapy helps you calm your body so that your body has a calmer reaction, and you just feel better physically Lastly, the one I talk about quite a bit is that an unexpected consequence of therapy is you feel more joy. And that's what I think about a lot, is that I want you to help you release the areas that don't work in your life so you can feel more joy. And it is... To me, joy is about gratitude. It's about connection. It's about purposefulness. It's about playfulness. It's about having life satisfaction. That is joy. And as we take away the layers of things that are really bringing you down in your life, therapy then can help you increase that feeling of joy, and that is a major win that I think therapy can help you with. So we talked about, in the beginning, about the stigma and people not wanting to come to therapy, and I say you should come sooner than later. If you're thinking about it, you should come now before you're having trou- extreme trouble at work, before you're feeling so bad that you can't get out of bed, before you're having the thoughts of wanting to get a divorce. Therapy can help sooner than later. Don't let it get to a crisis point. I have people come all the time when they're at that crisis, and they feel so bad, and there's a lot more work that has to happen when you feel that bad because you've waited. So don't wait until you feel burnout. Don't wait until you're thinking about divorce or actually going through a divorce. Don't wait until you're having panic attacks that are keeping you up at night or making you afraid to drive or afraid to live your life. Don't wait until emotional eating and your body image keeps you locked up in the house because you don't want anybody to see you and how you look or see you overeating. And absolutely don't wait until you're feeling depression that is so bad that you can't get up to do what you need to do So I'm gonna encourage you to get therapy, to think about therapy, to call about therapy when you first start noticing that you're exhausted, when your relationship feels strained, when work feels really overwhelming. Come to therapy when you first notice you're feeling constantly anxious and you're losing motivation. The thing about what... This is what we call early intervention, means you move through the the six pillars of mental health, you move through them quicker. You have fewer symptoms to start with. You'll have faster recovery. You are engaged in more healthy coping skills because we don't have to backtrack and take care of all the things that were, that have been causing you problems for so long. So I say come sooner rather than later. And it's really something that can benefit so many people. People that I see that come into therapy are people like, I see a lot of high-achieving women CEOs, business owners. I see a lot of parents. I see parents of adult children, couples people navigating through life transitions. When there's a death, when there is a financial crisis, they come in. There are so many times that people come in that it can really benefit them. It can really benefit you at any point, and I hope that you want to come and really feel more wellness in your life There are some ideas that people have about what therapy looks like. There are some really old ideas, and therapy is not that old meme about lying on a couch, and it's not about being told what to do. It's not about endless discussions about your childhood, and it's not about being judged. Those are things that are really those kind of old thoughts that can keep you away from trying therapy. What therapy is, and definitely therapy f- with me, is about being collaborative. We talk together about what you want. We talk together about what would work for you. You are the best one to know what's gonna work for you. I can help think through it with you, what's gonna work for you, and that's why we collaborate together. Therapy is also confidential. What you say in the room stays in the room. Unless you're of danger to yourself or of danger to others, it's between you and me and nobody else. And this is where when we talked earlier about people sometimes think, you could just go to a friend, you could go to your hairdresser, you could go talk with, the person over at Trader Joe's. It's not confidential, and they're generally gonna talk about it with other people, and you might hear about it from somebody else that you've shared your biggest your biggest trauma, your biggest dilemma, and now other people all know about it. When you go to therapy, it is always confidential, and it's always between you and the therapist. And that, I think, is one of the biggest wins about Therapy is also compassionate. I love working with people that want to come in and want to feel better. I feel so compassionate, and I really reach for that, about how can I feel compassion for what's going on with you and what has been your struggle in your life? I find that is valuable that you feel that I get you. Therapy's also goal-oriented, and it's your goals, not mine. I ask you about what you wanna have happen, what do you want to achieve, what's in your best interests. Remember, this is collaborative. This isn't top-down, me telling you. This is collaborative, and these are the goals that you came in for that we're gonna work on. Therapy, lastly, is individualized. It's all about you. One size does not fit all. I do not do the same thing with every client. I don't follow a similar direction. It's really me thinking about and conceptualizing what would work for you, what's in your best interest, what would help heal you and help you bring that ultimate joy that will help you live the life that you want to live. So lastly, here are some questions to think about. Am I living the life that I truly want? Am I constantly stressed? Do I have a relationship that doesn't quite feel in alignment with my life? Am I taking care of everybody except me? Is anxiety running my life? And what would I like to improve if I had more emotional support? I hope that you consider if this podcast resonated with you, if you feel that something resonated with you and you really want to become that really joyful version of yourself, I hope you seek out therapy. If you are in California, feel free to reach out to me. You'll see my information in the show notes. If you're in another state go to your local licensed therapy Google Ads and see who's in your area and see who resonates with you, or ask other people who've they seen to get a referral to somebody that really can help match where you're at and really will be the kind of therapist that you need and that you deserve. I am Kim McLaughlin. I am with Feed Your Soul with Kim podcast. I am so glad you spent time today listening to my ideas about what therapy could be and why you might want to reach out to a therapist sooner than later. I look forward to talking to you later. Bye now.