Your WHY - The Secret to Reaching Your Goals

Setting goals is easy, but reaching them can be hard.

Did you know that only 8% of people that set new year goals reach them? That's a pretty dismal statistic, but there are things you can do to be one of the people who reaches your goals every time.

How?  There are several steps, which you can learn about in this episode, but the key is knowing your WHY, or your compelling reason for wanting to achieve your goal(s).

Learn why having a WHY is important and how to figure out what that is for you.  You'll be on your way to crushing your goals time after time!

Learn how to get started by scheduling a FREE 30-minute call with me HERE!

FREE goal-setting workbook available HERE

Visit www.kortneyrivard.com to learn more!

Transcript

Hello, and welcome to real brave and unstoppable. Today, we are going to talk a little bit about goal setting and some of the reasons why it's hard to reach your goals sometimes.  Specifically, why knowing why you actually want to achieve something is really important in goal setting.

So in January, I actually held this free, challenge on Facebook, on goal setting.

And one of the days of the challenge, it was like a five-day thing. And,  every day had its own focus. And one of the days of the challenge was dedicated to knowing why you chose the goal that you chose,  why you wanted to achieve it. And this was new to a lot of the challenge participants.

Most of them hadn't really ever considered why they had chosen the goals they did. They just kind of picked them because they thought they were something that interested them or that they should go after.

So a fun statistic here. And I used this in the challenge and in January and everyone was super surprised, but, um, did you know that 92% of people that set new year's goals never actually achieved them?

That's a pretty dismal statistic. Why, why do you think that is?

Well, I think the biggest reason is that WHY that I talked about. People set goals that seem like good things to aspire to, but they don't really think about why that goal is important to them. So when things get hard or frustrating, it's really easy to give up cause they don't have that bigger reason.

For a lot of women when we get older, I think we really forget who we truly are at our core. It's like we forget who we really are before we are wives and moms and career women. We take on a lot of our identity from these roles, but we forget a lot of the things that are really important to us.

Or maybe more appropriately put, the things that are important to us, kind of go on autopilot or a lot of these things.  So we don't really stop to think about why they're important or if there's something else that really is important to us that we've kind of forgotten about.  You know, it's not front and center anymore.

When my ex and I split up, I've talked about this before, but I had to rebuild my life from like, basically nothing. And there was a point where it hit me that I really didn't know who I was anymore. I had been an overachiever. I had set and achieved goals all the time, but mostly because of my perfectionist nature.

 It's just what I did. But when we split up, I was really forced to take a look at who I was and which things were in my life that I really did care about. So I realized there are a lot of things that I wasn't really all that passionate about. I just did them for the approval or the external validation.

I don't think I really realized that at the time, but it was a big, a big reason for a lot of those things. So I didn't really have a good reason for me on why I did them.

So it's important to know your why when you're working towards that goal, have a dream or even just staying passionate about life in general and even people who think they know their why usually haven't drilled down enough to find the real reason they're compelled to go after something.

So in today's episode, I am going to talk about setting goals and why a lot of people never reach them. There are several reasons that we'll touch on, but mostly I'm going to focus on what I believe to be the most important. What I just talked about, knowing the why of why you want to go after that goal.

If you don't have a reason why you want to get what you're going after, it's going to be hard to stay on track because life inevitably gets hard sometimes, and you're going to need reasons to keep going. So if you've ever tried to lose weight and you've given up, you probably didn't have a good why. If you've ever given up on a dream, because it seemed too out of reach, you probably didn't believe in yourself enough or have a good why.



so today we're going to talk a little bit about just goal setting in general, but then also why you need your why, and how to find it. And then also how to incorporate that back into the rest of a goal-setting process.

So before we dig into what exactly it means to have a why and how to find it and all that good stuff we're going to talk about just goal setting in general.

When you don't really consider knowing why you want something or knowing what obstacles you might encounter or having an action plan with  mini-goals along the way, it is difficult to reach your goals. It's almost like picking something out of thin air and saying, "Hey, I want to do this", but then just kind of wishing that it will happen.

So this is actually though the way that I would say probably the majority of people approach this.  But to be a really great goal setter, there are some steps.  And I'm actually going to make this workbook I did for the challenge I did in January. I'm going to make that available to you as a freebie.

 I mentioned before, it's like a five-day process and each day in the workbook has a different, you know, theme.  So you can kind of work through that workbook, if you want to download it, go to the show notes. There'll be a link, but here are some of the things I talk about in that workbook.

 The first one is to choose your goal and ask yourself why you want to achieve it, which we're going to get into the nitty-gritty of how to do that later in the show.  The second piece of it is to make your goal, a S.M.A.R.T. goal. You may have heard of that before, and we'll dig into it a little bit more today too, but S.M.A.R.T. is an acronym.

So you wanna make your goals SPECIFIC...  so like an example of a nonspecific goal would be, I want to get into shape. An example of a specific goal would be, I want to be able to run three miles. Okay. So that's very specific.

The second is MEASURABLE. So we just kind of made that goal specific and measurable in one shot there. So I want to get in shape is really not measurable either, but I want to be able to run three miles is very measurable.

 ACHIEVABLE is the "A", so you just want to make sure that it makes sense like you've given yourself enough time or if you say, I want to be the strongest person on the planet, well, I mean, it's probably not achievable. Um, I mean maybe, but probably not.

RELEVANT is the R. So basically you want to make sure that this is something that's relevant to your life. If like, if you don't like running and you decided you're going to set a goal, you have no desire.

It's not a priority for you. You have no desire to run and your goal of, I want to run three miles - It's not really relevant to your life. So it's probably not going to be something that you're going to be willing to work hard for.

The T is TIME-BOUND. So basically that just means me setting a due date or setting a target date.

I want to run three miles by September 15th.

So after creating your SMART goal, the next thing that I tell people to do tell my clients to do is to think about the things that could get in your way that are obstacles.  Very important to do this because things will come up as I mentioned earlier, you know, things will come up that make it hard, or you won't feel like getting out of bed at seven in the morning to run.

You want to think ahead of what could potentially set you back and then come up with some ways that you can overcome that when your brain says "I'm too tired to get out of bed", you know, you can think of some things that you could say to yourself, or this is where your WHY will come in later, you know, you could say to yourself to spark your brain into, you know, getting into action.

 A really important part of goal setting, also creating an action plan, something that, you know, it doesn't just say, I want to, like, for example, use the running example again. It doesn't just say, I want to run three miles by September 15th. Okay. That's great. But how are you going to get there? You know, it's, I'm recording this on July 5th.  So, you know, that would give you two little over two months. And so if you just are wishing you can run three miles by September 15th, it's not going to happen by wishing. You're going to have to break it down. Well, If I want to run three miles by September 15th, maybe I needed to be able to run a mile and a half by August 15th and then break it down a little bit further.

So you can actually meet some smaller goals. And I like to think about it. I mean, basically that's reverse engineering, your big goal from your target date, and then just backing it out so you can meet it.

Another really important thing that you really need to do to be able to reach your goals is to remind yourself all the time of what your goals are.

And the WHYs. Again, we'll get into that soon, but that's one of the reasons why that statistic, 92% of people don't actually reach their new year goals they set, that's one of the reasons why people don't reach them. It's because they don't remember. They get on the bandwagon of new year's goals and then they don't ever do anything with them.

So, you know, write them down, have reminders of the goals, reminders of why you want to achieve them. And celebrating your wins. Not only reaching the goal but the little mini-goals along the way. It's really important to celebrate all your wins.

So now we're going to dig into the WHY, the subject of today's show.

Your WHY, the reason that you want to achieve this goal, is the purpose of the cause or the belief that drives you to get there. It's a compelling reason that keeps you motivated to work towards the goal or dream, or even just enjoy life generally. It's the reason you do something.

So, I don't know if you've heard of the book, Start with Why by Simon Sinek. It's it has a really great simplified explanation of how your brain works when it comes to working towards goals.

So if you think of your brain in two parts, there's the neocortex, which is like the rational, logical part of your brain... you know, like the engineers working with their heads down in the cubicles. It can make a really great argument for things. It's, you know, it's like, if you're all, if you're totally in this area of your brain, you're probably gonna overthink things.

But then there's also the limbic part of the brain, which is like the part with the party going on in the back. And this is the part of the brain that's responsible for all of your feelings. It's also responsible for human behavior and decision making, but it doesn't have any capacity for language. So like, this is where gut decisions come from. Or, you know, if you feel, if you say something like, "Oh, that just feels right", that's where that comes from.

So when you relate all this to goal setting, think about this: Your goal is to run a half marathon. I don't know why I keep using running analogies. I like to run, but let's just say your goal is to run a half marathon and you need to get your training run in every morning at 7:00 AM or six-thirty or whatever seems early to you. Logically, you know that the only time you have to do this, is at that time and you need to train a certain way to come complete that distance in the time you have, that's your neocortex talking.

It's like going through all of that logical planning pieces of this. But you're limbic brain knows that it doesn't feel as good to get out of bed that early, you know, you're going to miss your morning coffee and you know, maybe you like, like me, maybe like to lounge in your chair and have your coffee and kind of plan out your day, maybe do some meditation. But if you know that you only have time to get up and run, you don't have time for all that, that limbic part of your brain is gonna be like, well, that doesn't feel as good to me.

It doesn't feel as good to pass up sitting in my chair with my coffee, or if you're out, it doesn't, if you're trying to lose weight, it doesn't feel as good to pass up that bowl of ice cream.

So, as I said, your neocortex can make a pretty great argument with all that, rational language, and logic, but the limbic brain is pretty powerful, so it can often overrule the logical side of the brain. And that is why emotions are so powerful.

So your goals have to feel good. And those good feelings come from giving a voice to WHY you want to achieve the goals.

So when you can tap into the emotions and values that drive WHY you want to achieve the goal, this light goes off in your limbic brain and gets your body moving into action. It's really important that your WHY resonates with you really deeply. Like if you say you want to lose weight for your health, when you're starving and faced with the plate of donuts in the break room at work, "your health" is likely not going to be compelling enough.

Sure. You want to be in good health, but you need to drill down and get way more specific. And we'll talk about that a little bit later, too.

Your why shouldn't take the form of, "I should".  Saying you want to lose weight because you should do it to set a better example for your kids is an okay reason, but it's probably not a good enough reason to really compel you.

There's probably something, even if it's close to that, there's probably something a little bit deeper. It's great that you want to set a good example, but the SHOULDs also aren't motivating.

And your why needs to feel inspiring when you get caught up in the drudgery of life and wonder why all of this matters that WHY is going to remind you.

So I kind of talked about this a little bit, but going a little deeper. Why do you need to have that WHY? Well, when things get hard, which they will, you're not going to feel like getting out of bed at 7:00 AM. The WHY is going to help you with that? It's going to help keep you on track.

If you can really, really embody that WHY.  You know, motivation can be a little unreliable, but your WHY can get the motivation ball rolling until some momentum takes over to keep going. It's kind of like if you ever have been trying to get on a workout schedule or get into exercising daily.  And you haven't really, it's hard to get going at the beginning, but you tell yourself, okay, I'm just gonna get my running shoes on or my walking shoes on or whatever.

I'm just going to get them on. Okay. So once you have them on, it kind of gives that momentum to take the next step or like, okay. I don't really feel like working out, but I'm going to do it for five minutes. And then if I still, if I still don't feel like working out, I'll let myself not. But nine times out of 10, you're probably gonna have that you're over the hump of having that motivation spark. And now you have that momentum to keep going for a little longer.

Your why gives you clarity and it helps you take action. It gives you as I said before, it just kind of, it gives you clarity on why you're doing what you're doing when you don't want to. It'll also pick you up when you fall down, it'll help you keep the momentum and it keeps you focused on where you're headed, so you don't take a detour off the beaten path and get kinda lost. 

It keeps you excited about your goals and it helps keep you focused on that excitement rather than the difficulty or the struggle. Or that it's taking too long or that you don't have time or whatever it is. And you know, when you need a reminder of what matters to you, your WHY is going to be there to just kind of keep you taking step after step.

So now that you know, a little bit about that piece of it, like, you know, that that is an actual real piece of goal setting is to know why you want the goal.  The most important part of that is to know how to find it.  And sometimes that's the toughest part.

A lot of people I work with on goal setting think they know WHY, but really it's more drilled down than that. To get some clarity on that WHY you're going to need to roll up your sleeves and do a little bit of work.

Finding a good clear, why is so much easier if you have a good handle on what your values are. I have a really great exercise I give everyone that schedules a free 30-minute call with me.  Knowing your values is the foundation of so much of the work I do with my clients. But in terms of goal setting, finding that WHY it's really key too. So if you're interested in doing that, just check out the show notes for a link to schedule one with me.

So to do this, start by asking yourself some questions. These questions can look like this:

When you reach your goal or realize your dream, how are you going to feel?

What will reaching the goal or dream change about your life?

What makes the goal or dream appealing?

What are the benefits that you'll get when you reach it?

Those are some good things to journal on if you're a journaler, or even if you're not, I would encourage you to just try it.

It's really, really helpful with stuff like this to get it all out of your brain. So, in the business world, there's an exercise called the "five why tool" and it's part of the Toyota production system.  Toyota uses this tool to solve problems or get to the root of an issue.

So I'm going to use an example that is not related to coaching or mindset or goal-setting, really, but, just to give you an example of how it works... the problem is:  the car ran out of gas.

Why? I didn't stop to put gas in this morning.

Why? I was running late.

Why? The alarm didn't go off.

Why? The power went out.

Why? Storms.

So then by knowing the root of the problem you can come up with some possible solutions. In this case, it could be, well, maybe I need to get some new batteries for that alarm clock.

So that was an example of using this just with problem-solution type stuff.

So when you do this, you're not going to use a problem. You're going to use a goal or a vision or a dream. So let's say you're overweight and pre-diabetic and you want to lose 50 pounds. So your why might be, I'd like to reverse the diabetes. Well, why do you want to do that? I'd like to be healthier.

Okay, well, why do you want to be healthier? I'd like to be able to do activities with my kids without getting winded. Well, why do you want to be able to do activities with your kids without getting winded? So I can keep up with them so I can spend more quality time with them. Okay. Well, why do you want to keep up with them and spend more quality time with them?

So that might be so I don't miss out on things and so I can have a better relationship with them. So, not missing out and better relationships are two very, compelling reasons, right? So when you hit on something that's a value for you, then, you know, you found something good. Because fear of missing out is a pretty compelling reason. And having a better relationship with your kids is even more compelling.

Reversing the diabetes is compelling, but it doesn't really get to the heart of why necessarily. Especially if you're this person and you really value relationships, like the highest on your list of values. Higher than your health, for example.

This exercise is so good. And another way that I like to do the exercises, instead of asking why, just ask, "well, if that was to happen, what would that make possible for me?" Just whatever works for you, whichever way of phrasing, it works best for you. But the idea is that you just kind of keep drilling down until you get to one of those things that you really value.

Again, check out the show notes for the link to schedule a 30-minute call with me and I'll give you free the values exercise that I have. It's really great. 

The next step is to create a vision for your goal. You just really want to embody this. So the value of the WHY all of that stuff. So, first of all, like what value did you hit on that is what your, WHY is associated with? 

In this case, it would be like relationships. What about that value is so meaningful to you? If you have children, you know, that your relationship with your children is so meaningful because they're, they're part of you. They're your family.  you know, but brainstorm on what is it about that, why do you feel that that's so important to you? 

And then this is where you really, you know, just embrace it. You make it part of you. What would it be like to achieve that goal? What would it look like, feel like, sound like, smell like, or taste like? And  what would life be like? For example, If you wanted to lose weight and you know, your, WHY was you didn't want to have to second guess your appearance?

Like, what would that be like if you didn't have to second guess your appearance anymore? Or what if your why was that you want to help other people overcome their body issues? What would it look like if you were able to help one young woman overcome her body issues? What would be possible for you in those situations?

So capture what achieving that goal would feel like. And any other senses that speak to you and write it down. And vision boards can be really helpful here too. 

Okay. So now what? You've got the WHY. You've done that work. What do you do? You need to keep that front and center! 

As I talked about earlier, now you make the SMART goal. You make your goals  specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, timebound. And we talked about what those mean before, and I'm not going to get into that deep. 

So, what are the obstacles getting in your way? We talked about this earlier, but that's a really important thing to address in goal setting. So these could be in the form of temptations... If you're trying to lose weight and your family is going out for ice cream and you're trying to not have ice cream.

But, you know, that limbic part of the brain is telling you that, uh, that's gonna feel pretty good to have that ice cream. So that's, you know, a temptation. 

You might have limiting belief systems that you need to work to reframe or stories that you make up in your head about things, or fear is a huge one.

You'll want to figure out what is likely to trip you up and have a plan for what to do when those things do get in your way. 

I mentioned earlier about setting a due date and reverse engineering, your goal to include those little mini-goals along the way, and make sure you include rewards for key milestones to celebrate often.

So now that you have a plan and I really recommend printing it, like write it out, type it, whatever works for you, but have it on paper. And then a huge key to success is to write down your goal, goals, whatever. However many you have, write them down every day, write down your why. Put it on sticky notes around your house.

Keep a journal where you can write down your goal or goals and your why every day.  Make a vision board, either physical or a Pinterest board so you can be reminded of your why. 

And my goal of growing up my business to where it can fully support my family. My wife is like freedom. And ultimately I have a very clear vision of the life that freedom will provide for me. So I can picture it like I am there. Like that picture is my why. 

And knowing your why is going to give you so much clarity in your life. And it keeps you passionate about those goals rather than just going through the motions. And you'll find it so much easier to stay in integrity with yourself and stay aligned with who you are at your core.

And it's also really important to note that you can have more than one WHY. In fact, it's really good to probably have several. That way if one doesn't resonate with you on a particular day, you can hang on to another one.

Setting goals is really easy, but reaching them isn't as easy. It takes some hard work and sometimes the going gets tough. So you need compelling reasons why you want something and you need to keep reminding yourself of what those are. That way you'll hopefully  stay focused on the end result and you'll stay passionate and purposeful about where you're headed and you'll make space for really great things to happen in your life.

The final thing I want to say about goal setting too is it's really easy to get focused on saying, I want to achieve this. And here's why, but not allow for a change of course. So I just want to also point that out that there are goals that we think we want, and at the time we might want, and we might have a very good WHY, but as time goes on, we may have a perspective shift or we may just do, you know, it's, it might not be a good fit anymore. We may just lose interest in it. Like it's just really not a priority for us anymore. And I just want to stress that that's okay.

You can always reevaluate.  And here's an example. I use weight examples a lot, but say you decide you want to lose 30 pounds. But you know, with weight, you're kind of just picking a number. So you say 30 pounds, but when you get to 25 pounds, you're thinking, well, you know, I feel really good and I don't really know that I need to lose another five pounds,

so I'm just good at 25. That's okay. That's okay. At the end of the day, you're not like achieving this goal for someone else. It's for you. So if it makes you happy and you're satisfied with it, that's okay.  You're the only one that will know that for yourself. 

So to recap today you learned some great tips for setting goals you can actually achieve, including finding your WHY. And knowing why you want something is going to help you take action. Your, why will keep you on track when things get tough and it will keep you focused and excited on your goals, it will continue to inspire and motivate you so you can get it done.

And the great thing is, and I don't know if you've ever felt bad about yourself or beat yourself up for saying you're going to do something and then just let things fizzle out. But when you really drill into why you want something and then achieve it, it's just like this huge boost of confidence for future goals.

Like imagine feeling empowered to reach any goal that you set. 

So thanks for tuning in today. I hope that you found this helpful. I would love to hear your comments. 

Tell me what your whys are. I would love to hear about your experience with this.
So until next time, thanks for tuning in.