Ep 145: Burnout Isn’t What You Think: Why You’re Exhausted Even When You’re Doing Everything Right

If you feel like you’re doing everything right but still feel exhausted, flat, or just off, this episode is for you.

In this episode, Kortney breaks down what burnout actually looks like (beyond just being “too busy”), especially for women in their 40s and 50s navigating changing energy, hormones, and life demands.

You’ll learn why burnout isn’t just about doing too much, the hidden patterns that keep you stuck, and how to start supporting yourself differently (without adding more to your plate).

✨ In this episode:

•  Why burnout is about constant pressure, not just a full schedule 
•  The patterns driving burnout (perfectionism, over-functioning, invisible load) 
•  How burnout shows up in your body, mind, and energy
•  Why this season of life can make everything feel harder 
•  Simple shifts to start breaking the cycle 

❤️ Ready for more support?

If this resonated, this is exactly the work I do with my clients - helping you reconnect with your energy, your body, and your life in a way that actually feels good.

👉 Learn more: www.kortneyrivard.com

Transcript

Intro and Signs of Burnout

0:51

Hello friends, and welcome back to Real, brave and Unstoppable. This is episode number 145, and I'm your host Kortney Rivard. So today I'm gonna talk about burnout. So if you feel like you're doing everything right. But you're still feeling exhausted, flat, or just a little off. This is the episode for you. From the outside your life might actually look pretty good. You're getting things done. You're showing up for your family, your work, your responsibilities. You are handling it like a boss. But underneath all of that, oh, you're just so tired. Not just I need a good night's sleep tired, but like that deeper kind of tired. The kind where everything feels like a little more effort than it should. Where things you used to enjoy, just feel kind of blah. The kind of tired where you find yourself snapping at the people you love or feeling overwhelmed by things that normally wouldn't phase you. And then on top of that, you start questioning yourself like, what's wrong with me? Why does this feel so hard? Shouldn't I be able to handle this better? Everyone else seems to be. Especially if you're in this season of life where you're juggling a lot and your body and energy don't feel the way they used to. Maybe part of you is wondering if it's stress or hormones or just life or all of it combined. Probably likely. So you push through, you tell yourself to get it together. You're hard on yourself. You try to be more disciplined, more organized, and more on top of things. But that doesn't really fix it either. So this is the part I really want you to hear. This doesn't always look like burnout, but it is. Typically, we talk about burnout with relation to our jobs, with work. But this is burnout too. And if that's where you are right now, you're not lazy, you're not broken, and you are definitely not failing. You're likely just operating in a way that is not sustainable anymore. So today we're gonna talk about what's actually going on and why trying to do more or push harder is not the thing that's gonna fix it. So before we go any further, I wanna reframe how we're even thinking about burnout. I think a lot of us hear that word and immediately think"I must be doing too much". Like I need to cut things out, or I need more time, or I need a break. And while that can all be part of it, it's actually not the full picture. Burnout isn't just about doing too much. It's really about being in a constant state of pressure where our nervous system just doesn't get a break at all. Even when you're not technically doing anything, it's that feeling of always being on. You're always thinking, feeling like you need to anticipate what's next. Always carrying something in the back of your mind, and over time that starts to wear you down in a deeper way. This is where I wanna bring in how I look at wellness as a whole through the lens of your body, your mind, and your spirit. Those three pillars that I talk about all the time. Burnout doesn't just live in one place. It shows up in all three of those pillars. In your body, you feel exhausted, but somehow still wired. You wake up tired, your energy's unpredictable. Anyone? I know, I feel that way a lot. In your mind. You're constantly thinking, planning, solving, managing. Even when you try to relax, your brain doesn't really turn off. And in your spirit, things just feel a little flat. You might feel disconnected from yourself or from the things that used to bring you joy, like you're just going through the motions. But when all three of these pillars are out of sync for long enough, that's when burnout really starts to take hold, and we really start to notice the effects of it. Not because we're doing life wrong, but because the way we've been operating, maybe for years, is really not sustainable anymore for this season of life. And that's one thing that seems to be a common denominator with the people that I work with. We get to this season of life in our forties and fifties, and we compare ourselves to the 20 or 30 something version of ourselves. And we don't take into account that we are very different in a lot of ways than we were then. So of course. Of course we're gonna have different levels of energy and drive, and especially when you layer in everything else that's happening at this time of life: our bodies are changing, hormones are shifting. Roles and responsibilities are evolving. Our identities in question sometimes. So the same approach that used to quote unquote work suddenly does not feel like it's working anymore. And instead of recognizing that something needs to shift, a lot of us just try to push harder. We try to be more disciplined and be more on top of things. But burnout is something that you start to untangle by looking at how you're actually operating inside your life. Once you start to understand the burnout isn't just about doing too much, the next question becomes, okay, then what's actually driving it? What I see over and over again, especially with women in this season of life, is that it's not just one thing. It's a set of patterns, ways of thinking, operating, of relating to yourself that have probably been there for a really long time. And the thing is that they've worked for you in a lot of ways. But they're also the things that can lead to burnout when they're left unchecked. So as I go through these, just notice what resonates. You're probably gonna see yourself in at least one of these patterns, if not several. The first one is this idea that your worth is tied to what you do. I talk to people all the time that live in this pattern. They feel good when they're productive, when they're getting things done and checking things off the list. For a lot of people, it's just really hard to rest. You know, if you haven't earned it, quote unquote, it does not feel right. There's this underlying feeling of I should be doing something. And when your worth is tied to what you do like that, or you strongly identify as someone who's always accomplishing something, there's really no off switch. It's really hard to shut this off. It creates a lot of discomfort to just rest. The second pattern is using productivity to feel in control. So this one's a little more subtle, but for a lot of women, staying busy isn't about getting things done. It's actually how you cope, because when you slow down, your mind gets louder. You start thinking about the things you've been avoiding. You feel things you've been pushing down. Staying busy feels easier. It feels safer. But over time it also keeps your system in that constant state of pressure. Your nervous system never gets a break. And one more thing to say about. Slowing down, your mind gets louder. I have people tell me all the time that as long as they stay busy, they don't think about this stuff as much. But when they notice like they're going to bed or when they have quiet time, that's when their mind starts kind of spinning. The third pattern is the feeling of"my life looks good, but it actually doesn't feel good". On paper. Everything checks out, looks like it should be great. You're doing what you're supposed to be doing, you've built a life that in many ways, you probably worked really hard for. But something doesn't feel like it clicks. There's a disconnect between what your life looks like and how it actually feels to be living it. And a lot of women don't even let themselves fully acknowledge that because they feel like they should be grateful for what they have. The next pattern is over-functioning. It's just easier if I do it myself. So you take on more than you need to and carry more than you need to. You're the one keeping track of everything, thinking ahead, making sure it all gets done. It's hard to delegate to other people, and it's become so normal that you don't even question it anymore. But you're also operating at a level that's just not sustainable. A lot of the people I talk to that over function, they just don't have any time for themselves. They always have to be putting other people first. They don't have a lot of good boundaries a lot of the time, and right along with that is the invisible load. This is the part that doesn't always get talked about. It's not just what you're physically doing, it's everything you're holding in your head. The planning, the remembering, the anticipating, the emotional weight of managing, not just your life, but everyone else's too. That alone can be exhausting. And then the last one is perfectionism. This is the pattern of feeling like things have to be done just right, or done early, or done a certain way. So you end up using way more time and energy than you actually need to for a result that's only slightly better. And over time that adds up. It drains you that extra time, for not a lot better result, could be used for something that really moves the needle a lot more. Like taking care of yourself. So, when you start stacking all of these patterns together, it's really not a surprise you feel the way you do, even if your life looks fine from the outside or if you're technically managing everything. Burnout isn't just about what's on your calendar, it's about how you're showing up inside your life. So when you're operating in those patterns for long enough, your body starts to feel it. And this is the part that so many women either miss or push past. You're used to handling things and you're used to pushing through. So instead of listening to your body, you override it. You ignore the signals, you push past the exhaustion. You tell yourself, I'm fine. I just need to get through this week. But your body's always communicating with you, and burnout often shows up there first. It can look like feeling exhausted, but also kind of wired at the same time. Or like you're tired all day, but then your brain won't shut off at night. It can look like waking up already feeling depleted, dreading the day or carrying tension in your body, your shoulders, your jaw, your neck. Maybe you're tired of your workouts and you don't feel like working out anymore. Or you feel ambivalent about your job. Maybe you have the Sunday scaries. You kind of start living for the weekends only to find that they fly by so fast, and you're right back at Monday again. Maybe your patience is lower, you feel more irritable. You might feel more overwhelmed by things that didn't use to bother you. And you also might notice brain fog, trouble focusing, forgetting things more easily, or even things like digestive issues, changes in your body, your sleep, your energy, and a lot of us brush this off. We think I just need to get back on track. I just need to be more disciplined. I need to fix my routine. Everyone else seems to be handling this just fine. Why can't I? But this is not a discipline problem. This is your body saying something isn't working anymore. And the longer that you override those signals, the louder they, they tend to get until eventually your body forces you to slow down. And we do not wanna get there, friends. And this is also where it's really important to zoom out for a second because. This is not all happening in a vacuum. If you're in your forties or fifties or even beyond, your body is already going through a lot of change. Your hormones are shifting, your energy, your sleep, your mood. They can all feel less predictable than they used to. And I think we underestimate the effect this has on us. And at the same time, this is often a season of life where we're carrying a lot more stuff than ever. We might be balancing work, family, relationships. Maybe we're caring for kids and aging parents, the sandwich generation. Maybe we're navigating changes in our identity. Our kids are going off to college. We're empty nesters. Navigating changes in our bodies with perimenopause and menopause, and also just stuff in our life that's changing. Everybody's going through a lot of transition and so that means that there's a lot of change, which can be difficult and all of it adds up. So if you've been feeling like, why does this suddenly feel so much harder than it used to? You are not imagining that your capacity has changed. Your body is really just asking for something different. But most women don't adjust to that. We just keep trying to operate the same way we always have, just with more effort, and that's where the burnout deepens. So this is the point where most advice goes in the wrong direction because once you start feeling this way, the instinct is to try to fix it by doing more. Be more disciplined, get more organized, create a better routine, try to get back on track. But burnout isn't something you fix by doing more. It's something you start to shift by changing how you're relating to yourself and how you're moving through your life. And this is where I wanna offer you a different way of thinking about it. You don't need a stricter routine. You need a more honest relationship with yourself. And what I mean by that is this: instead of asking what should I be doing, start asking what do I actually have the capacity for right now? Because not every day is the same. Our capacity changes, it's dynamic. One of the biggest disconnects I see is that women are trying to live up to a version of their life, or their energy, that is just not realistic for where they are anymore. So they keep pushing towards this ideal and ignoring what's actually true, and that gap is where burnout lives. So one of the simplest, most powerful shifts you can make is learning to adjust based on your capacity, not your ideal plan or what you used to be able to do, not what you think you should be doing, but what you actually have the energy for today. And another big one is letting go of the idea that you have to earn your rest. Okay, rest is not a reward for getting everything done. It's a requirement. It's what allows you to keep showing up without completely draining yourself. And the next one can be uncomfortable, but it's super important and that's letting good enough actually be enough When everything has to be done at a hundred percent, we end up using way more energy than we need to on things that don't actually require it. Over time. That's exhausting. I have a client that lives by the 80 20 rule, but not the Pareto principle. It's his own definition of 80 20, which was like, I'm doing what I wanna be doing 80% of the time, or if I'm doing it 80% good enough, like that is enough. So consider that, that's a good rule. Or a good guideline maybe. And then finally, we wanna start noticing earlier. Not when we're completely depleted and not when we're at the point where we feel like we can't keep going, but we wanna try to notice when things first start to feel off. Like when our energy dips or we feel more irritable, when things start to feel heavier than usual. As I always say, awareness is half the battle. And that awareness, that's what allows you to adjust before you hit full burnout. So now I wanna bring it back to something really simple. If your routine only works when life is calm, it's not a real life routine because life is not always calm. Our schedule isn't always predictable. Our energy isn't always consistent. Our approach has to be flexible enough to meet us where we're at, not where you think you should be. Every day is gonna be different and we need to adjust how we show up accordingly. And that's really the shift. It's not about doing more, it's about supporting yourself differently. It's about thinking about this differently. It's all perspective. So if you're listening to this and thinking, yeah, this is me, I want you to just take a breath for a second. Nothing you're experiencing right now means that there's something wrong. You're not broken or failing or doing life wrong. It just means you've been caring a lot. For probably a long time. And you've been doing it in a way that probably worked for you at one point, but just isn't working anymore. It's not sustainable. That's not something to judge yourself for friends. It's something to just pay attention to. Your body's giving you information. Your energy is giving you information. The way things are feeling right now... it's all information. It's all feedback, not failure. And instead of trying to push past it or fix it by doing more, what if you just started listening? What if you started responding to yourself differently, even in small ways? By letting something be good enough or giving yourself permission to rest before you've earned it, quote unquote, adjusting your expectations based on where you actually are, not where you think you should be. Friends, you cannot create a life you love if you are constantly running on empty and if you're constantly judging yourself. And also really important, you don't have to overhaul everything overnight. You do have to start paying attention. If you're realizing as you listen to this that you're tired in that deeper way, or things feel off, you've lost your spark, you're not really sure how to shift out of it. This is exactly the kind of work I do with my clients. I help you step out of these patterns, reconnect with your body, your energy, your life, and create something that actually feels really good to live in. So if that's something you're needing support with, I'd love to help you with that. And you can reach me by going to my website. But for now, just start by noticing, because awareness is always the first step. And you're already there by listening to this episode today and reflecting on your own life and how it relates to burnout. So friends, that's all I have for today. Thank you for being a part of my community and supporting this show. If you like this episode or you're enjoying the podcast in general, please share it with a friend. You never know what's gonna resonate and help someone. I'll see you next time.