Ep 146: Why You Keep Procrastinating (It’s Not Laziness) — And What Actually Works to Get Unstuck

If you’ve ever told yourself “I’ll start tomorrow”… and then didn’t, this episode is for you.

Today, we’re breaking down motivation, willpower, procrastination, and avoidance and why it’s not actually about laziness or lack of discipline.

You’ll learn why waiting to feel motivated keeps you stuck, how your beliefs about willpower shape your behavior, and what’s really driving procrastination (hint: it’s not what you think).

Plus, I’m sharing simple, practical strategies to help you take action—even when you don’t feel like it—so you can build momentum and start following through.

In This Episode, We Cover:

•  Why you don’t have a willpower problem—you have a perception problem 
•  The truth about motivation (and why it’s unreliable) 
•  Why procrastination is really about avoidance - not laziness 
•  The hidden role of discomfort (and how it keeps you stuck) 
•  Simple strategies to take action and build momentum 
•  A practical framework: Notice → Name → Neutralize → Act

💡 Key Takeaway:

You don’t need more motivation—you need a different approach.

❤️ Get Support
If this episode resonated, this is exactly the kind of work I do with my clients. Visit my web site to learn more about how I can help you overcome procrastination and lack of motivation so that you can start moving toward living the life you want.

🔗 Learn more here: www.kortneyrivard.com

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Transcript

Why You Feel Stuck

0:51

Hello friends, and welcome back to Real, Brave, and Unstoppable. I'm your host Courtney Ard, and today we are talking about something that I know every single one of you has struggled with at some point. Motivation, willpower, procrastination, avoidance. Plus that feeling of knowing what you should be doing, but you're just not doing it. Maybe it's working out, eating better, or maybe it's something bigger, like making a change in your life, having a hard conversation or going after something that you actually want. And instead you scroll, you distract, you tell yourself, I'll just start tomorrow. So today I wanna flip the way you think about all of this, because the truth is, it's not that you're lazy or you lack discipline. And it's not even that you don't have willpower. You've just been taught to think about it in a way that keeps you stuck. So let's start with willpower. Because most people believe that we only have so much willpower and we run out of it like it's a battery, and by the end of the day, it's dead. But there's actually some really interesting research that suggests something different. Recently, I read a research paper on willpower by Angela Duckworth and some other people. Angela Duckworth wrote their book"Grit", which is a great book if you haven't read it. So check it out. The part of this research paper that really stood out to me was that the amount of willpower you have is influenced by what you believe about willpower. So if you believe"I'm exhausted, I've used it all up. I've got nothing left. I never have enough". Your brain goes, yep, we're done here. But if you believe that you can keep going, you can access more. This isn't gone. It's just effort. You actually perform differently. That's wild, right? So right off the bat, we need to reframe. You don't have a willpower problem, you have a perception problem, and I want you to just sit with that for a second. What this means is if you've been telling yourself,"I just don't have the discipline", that story might be the very thing that's holding you back. So let's talk about motivation. This is where people get stuck the most because we think"I'll start when I feel motivated". But truth bomb. I'm gonna be a little blunt here. Motivation is unreliable. It comes and goes. It depends on your mood, your sleep, your stress, your hormones. If you wait for motivation, you'll be waiting a lot. And what we actually see over and over again is that action creates motivation, not the other way around. If you don't feel like working out, once you start, you might be glad you did. If you don't feel like starting a project, once you get into it, it might not be so bad. So the shift here is stop asking, do I feel like it, and start asking, what's one small action I can take anyway? What's my next right step? So I'll give you a real life example of this. A client of mine, uh, there was a season of her life where she knew what she wanted to be doing. She wanted to be consistent with workouts. She wanted to feel strong again. She wanted to feel like herself in her body. But she wasn't doing it. And every day she'd kinda wait for that moment where she felt motivated. Okay, today's the day today I'm back, I'm gonna get back on track." And it just wasn't happening. She was tired, she had a lot going on. Life felt really full and busy. And honestly, it was easier to not start than to start and feel like she wasn't where she used to be. And that was the part she didn't really wanna admit. It wasn't that she didn't know what to do, it was that she didn't wanna feel uncomfortable doing it. She didn't wanna feel outta shape. She didn't wanna feel like she was starting over. So she avoided it. And then one day we were talking about this in a session. I said, well, what if you just did something, not the full workout, not the perfect plan, just something, even if it's five minutes. So we talked about ways that she could make it easy. One thing we talked about was just putting her shoes on. That's it. No pressure to finish anything. No expectation. And of course, once the shoes were on, she moved a little and once she moved a little, she did more. And it wasn't amazing. It wasn't her best workout, but it counted. And more importantly, it shifted something. Because she was teaching herself to do what she said she was gonna do. She was building self trust because she stopped waiting to feel motivated, and she started creating some momentum. And that's what I want you to see. It wasn't willpower and it wasn't motivation. It was a tiny decision to act anyway, and this doesn't just show up with workouts. I see this all the time in other areas of life, and I've experienced it myself too. There have been times in my business where I knew the next step, like I knew I needed to reach out to someone or put something out there or take an action that would actually move things forward and instead, i'd tweak my website or I'd work, I'd rework something that was already good enough. I'd tell myself I needed to get clearer before I did the thing. And on the surface, it, to me, it looked productive. But if I'm being really honest, I was avoiding because the real thing I needed to do felt really uncomfortable. It felt vulnerable. It felt like I might get rejected. Or judged or maybe I wouldn't get the response I wanted. So I stayed in what felt safe. And this is what we do. We convince ourselves, we're preparing when really we're just protecting ourselves from discomfort. And again, the shift wasn't waiting to feel ready. It was calling myself out just a little bit and asking, am I actually stuck, or am I avoiding something? And then taking one small step into that discomfort, sending the message, posting the thing, putting myself out there. Not perfectly. Maybe not even confidently, but just honestly, and every time I did that, it got a little easier. But not because the fear disappeared, but because I proved to myself that I could handle it. So now let's go deeper and get to the real root of it. Procrastination is not about laziness, it's about avoidance. You're avoiding something. And usually it's not the task itself, it's the feeling attached to it. So maybe it's overwhelm or fear of failure. Fear of judgment. Maybe it's just uncertainty. Maybe it's the pressure to do it perfectly. So instead your brain goes, let's do something easier, something more comfortable. So we scroll, we snack, we clean the kitchen, we check email, we do an easier task or one that feels more fun. In the moment, it feels a lot better, right? But long term, it just keeps you stuck there. So here's a question I want you to start asking yourself: What am I trying to not feel right now? That question will tell you everything. And I think this is really important to normalize because our brain is wired to avoid discomfort. It's an amazing part of our body, but it's lazy. It wants to make life as easy as possible, and it also wants to make sure we don't die. Our brain wants safety and familiarity. It wants efficiency. So when you try to start something new or push yourself or do something really hard, of course there's resistance. But that doesn't mean something's wrong. It means you're doing something that matters to you. So instead of making it mean, ugh, I have no discipline, try this: Oh, hello, resistance. This is normal. That can take so much pressure off. We're just acknowledging. Yes, I feel resistant to this because I don't like this feeling. Alright, so this is all great information, but what do we actually do with all of it to move forward or get unstuck? So let's make this really practical. The first thing is to stop relying on willpower. Build some systems instead to help you get going. Set yourself up for success. Lay out your workout clothes, prep your meals. Remove distractions. Make it easy. Make the good choice the easy choice. Second is to shrink the task. This is huge. Instead of,"I need to work out for 45 minutes", try,"I'm gonna move for five minutes." Starting is the hardest part. And once you start, you usually you keep going. Also if you have a big overwhelming task with a lot of stuff. When you see it as one big ball of this huge big task, it feels really overwhelming. So of course we don't wanna start something like that. So one thing, I just worked with someone today. On was to break this task into like the silliest little steps. I had one client a while ago that she had a bunch of pairs of pants on, like the dining room table that needed buttons, sewed on, and she broke the task down into things like get out thread, get out sewing machine. Sit down, like all, just the silliest little steps. That can be really helpful because once you start those silly little steps, you usually take another silly little step because they're small and they feel like, a bite you can take. The third thing is to build evidence, not pressure. So stop beating yourself up. That drains your energy. It creates pressure. Instead, focus on small wins. Every time you follow through, even in a small way, you're building trust with yourself, so that matters way more than perfection. The fourth thing is to learn to tolerate discomfort. This is the real skill, not eliminating resistance or waiting until it feels easy. But being willing to say, I don't feel like this and I'm just gonna do it anyway. Because the women who get results, they're not more motivated. They're just more willing to feel uncomfortable. I want you to hear that again. The people who get results, they're not more motivated, they're just more willing to feel uncomfortable. So if you take nothing else from this episode, I want you to take this. It's a little flow chart, notice name, neutralize, act. So the first thing we do is notice the resistance to doing the thing. The second part is name it, name what you're avoiding. I'm avoiding recording this podcast episode. I'm not doing that'cause I'm recording it. And then we go on to neutralizing it. Make it smaller, make it easier. Also normalize procrastination, or normalize the fact that you have resistance. And then act. Take one small step. That's it. Notice name, neutralize... slash normalize, act. So my friends, if you've been sitting here thinking, why can't I just get it together? Why do I keep starting and stopping? Why is this so hard for me? Please hear this: You're not lazy. You're not lacking discipline, and it's not even that you don't have any willpower. You've just been relying on motivation and you've been avoiding discomfort. That combination will keep you stuck every single time. But the good news is that you don't need to overhaul your life, and you don't need to wait until you feel ready. You just need to take that one small step. You need to act even when you don't feel like it. So the next time you catch yourself procrastinating, I want you to pause and ask yourself, what am I avoiding right now? And then name it. I'm avoiding this thing because it feels overwhelming. And then take one step anyway. Not a perfect step. Not all the things. Just one little step. Because that's how you start building momentum and that's how you rebuild trust with yourself, that you do what you say you're gonna do. And then we feel better about things. That's how we become the kind of people who actually follow through. All right, friends, that is what I've got for you today. If this episode hits home, share it with someone who needs to hear it or send it to a friend who's been saying"I'll start tomorrow". And as always, I will see you next time.