116: Why Do We Minimize Harm in Relationships? Understanding the Psychology Behind Tolerating Abuse

In this important solo episode, Gemma reflects on a disturbing real-life conversation overheard between two teenage girls — one of whom casually describes being physically assaulted by her boyfriend. What follows is a powerful deep dive into why girls and women downplay harmful, even abusive, behaviour in relationships.

From shame, trauma bonding, and fear of judgement to deeply rooted schemas like abandonment, defectiveness, and subjugation, Gemma explores the internal and social forces that keep so many women stuck — and why prevention, education, and early recognition matter more than ever.

What You'll Learn:

• Why some girls and women minimize abusive behaviour, even when it’s clearly unsafe
• The role of schemas (especially abandonment and shame) in tolerating harm
• How early emotional wounds shape our dating choices and instincts
• What trauma bonding is — and how it makes us rationalize abuse
• Key psychological and cultural reasons why walking away feels so hard
• Why we must start taking early signs seriously — for ourselves and the next generation

Gemma also shares practical reflection prompts, including:

• What would I tell my younger self?
• What would I say to a friend in this situation?

👉 If this episode resonates with you, or you wish you had trusted yourself sooner in the past — this one’s especially for you.

💡 Bonus: If you’re interested in doing the deep work to break free from painful dating patterns and build safer, more secure relationships, sign up for early access to Gemma’s new 12-week group coaching program, Love Wisely — starting Mid June 2025.