140. People Pleasing in Relationships - The Psychology Behind Why You Put Others First

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Why do some people constantly put others first, struggle to say no, worry excessively about upsetting people, or feel guilty for prioritising themselves?

In this episode of Healing for Love, Dr. Gemma Gladstone explores the deeper psychology behind people pleasing through a schema therapy lens.

This is not simply about being “too nice.” People pleasing is often a learned survival strategy rooted in early relational experiences, attachment dynamics, fear, guilt, conditional acceptance and coping styles developed in childhood.

Gemma unpacks:

•  What people pleasing actually is 
•  Why it develops 
•  The difference between self-sacrifice, subjugation and approval-seeking 
•  Why guilt and fear often drive people pleasing behaviours 
•  How early family dynamics shape self-suppression 
•  Why some women struggle to set boundaries or speak up in relationships 
•  The connection between people pleasing and emotionally unavailable or narcissistic partners 
•  How schemas influence dating, relationships and self-trust 
•  Why people pleasing is often linked to survival, safety and connection 
•  Small practical steps to begin changing these patterns 

This episode also explores:

•  Self-sacrifice schema 
•  Subjugation schema 
•  Approval-seeking schema 
•  Abandonment dynamics 
•  Conditional parenting 
•  Coping modes and “dating personas” 
•  The importance of reconnecting with your own needs, preferences and authenticity 

If you often:

•  Put other people’s needs ahead of your own 
•  Feel guilty saying no 
•  Worry excessively about upsetting others 
•  Need reassurance before making decisions 
•  Stay quiet to avoid conflict 
•  Feel anxious expressing yourself 
•  Struggle with boundaries in dating or relationships 

…this episode will likely resonate deeply.

Mentioned in this episode

Gemma also shares details about her upcoming self-study program:
Love Wisely Foundations (coming soon!) - a schema-informed relationship program designed to help women understand and rewrite unhealthy relationship patterns and “love template.”