Autism In Real Life

Episode 21: I Never Thought I'd Say This

April 26, 2022 Ilia Walsh, Creator and Host Season 1 Episode 21
Episode 21: I Never Thought I'd Say This
Autism In Real Life
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Autism In Real Life
Episode 21: I Never Thought I'd Say This
Apr 26, 2022 Season 1 Episode 21
Ilia Walsh, Creator and Host

Hello, and welcome to the autism in real life podcast. In each episode, you'll get practical strategies by taking your journey into the joys and challenges of life with autism. I'm your host, Ilia Walsh, and I'm an educator and the parent of two young adults, one of which is on the autism spectrum. Join me as I share my experience and the experiences of others. So that we may see the unique gifts and talents of individuals on the autism spectrum, fully recognized. Hello, everyone, and welcome. This is Ilia. I know it has been a while since I have posted something, although I think it feels a lot longer than it actually has been. But I felt the need to kind of do a check in and see how everyone is doing and give you a little bit of update on what's happening on this side. You know, as you all know, I have transitioned and moved to a new location. So I am in Florida. And, you know, I have to say, it's been a bit difficult. And in saying that, you know, I can, I can get a little emotional, but I will try to keep that together here for you all. But I felt it important to kind of let you all know, what's been happening and what I'm thinking of doing going forward. But, you know, I have to say, I miss where I used to live. And, you know, I want to be clear, if you had asked me 10 years ago, this is something that I never thought that I would say which I know sounds strange, but, you know, we had moved from a typical New York suburban home. And, you know, it was also a place where kind of everybody knew our name, and everybody knew who we were. And you know, quite literally, we could not go anywhere without someone knowing who at least one of us was. So it was starting to get overwhelming. And so when an opportunity came up to move and circumstances changed, we, you know, kind of took that and said, Hey, let's you know, it's good. Let's try it. Let's see what happens. And we tend to do things like that sometimes, and we weigh our options, we do have, you know, some sort of process for evaluating situations. But sometimes it's like, yeah, it feels like something we should, we should try, right? Let's try it. And so in trying it, we moved to Massachusetts, and it was rural. And I remember, you know, going to the post office to kind of make sure we were on the route. And I was told that, well, you're in a rural area, you could come and pick up your mail, or, you know, you'd have to, you know, do a particular type of mailbox. And I was this seemed very foreign to me. But you know, you go through the process, right. And I also felt pretty isolated. We didn't know anyone, we had no friends. And we were basically starting to build a new life in Massachusetts, and also build something different for our kids in a different place. new environment. And, and of course, over time, it became an amazing place. And it was, it was most definitely an excellent choice for our family. But you know, at the time, we didn't know how difficult it was going to be. And, you know, it goes without saying that transition is difficult. We have lived there for 13 years to the day. And in those 13 years, I would say it took about six or seven of them to adjust. And apparently I didn't realize but it is slower than the average person takes to adjust to move to a different state or to a different country. I believe the average is two to three years. So we were definitely kind of took us a little longer. But that's you know, that's what it took us to feel comfortable in our new surroundings and a new way of life and new jobs and really grew to appreciate the beauty and the nature that was all around us. us and just, you know, sort of different changes in seasons, and just, you know, just something different. And then,

you know, a few years ago, we had an opportunity to buy a new place. And someplace where it was warm and sunny and by the water and close to beaches, and the sun is definitely good for my mental status. So we're like, Great, this could be a nice getaway, a place to kind of escape to. And we actually had friends here. And I say here, because that's where I am now. So we're like, Well, again, screw it, why not? Let's try it. It's sort of, you know, again, one of those things, we weighed all our options, we figured out, you know, we checked budgets, we checked in with family, we did all those things. And we were like, Yeah, let's try. So we did. But little did we know that a few years later, with all of the things that have happened in this last few years, that we would have an opportunity to move once again. And, you know, again, it was I think, with COVID, at all of us kind of had grown and, you know, wanted something new and something different. Also, maintaining tune home seemed a little also overwhelming. So we're finding our selves in this place of decision, right? Hey, what are we going to do? And again, we were like, Okay, let's do it. Let's move. And so we did. And we also had support from our friends and our family. And we said, you know, what, again, let's try it. And it's something I've always said is, you know, most decisions are not undoable, most decisions. We can finagle our way through. And, you know, again, I think there is a book, nothing is unfixable. There are a few things maybe couple I can think of, but generically speaking, you can always manage your way around most things that come into your life. And, and here we are, we're nine months in. And this has also been a difficult transition. And while I often, you know, think to myself, my goodness, why is this so hard? Why is this transition so difficult, but then I have to remind myself that it took almost seven years when we last move, to feel settled, and to feel comfortable, where we were. So you know, what the heck makes me think that this would be any easier. We still have ties in New York, our parents are there. We have siblings there, we still have close friends and colleagues there. And we also have connections in Massachusetts, our kids are there with their partners, we have friends there, we have colleagues there as well. So we find ourselves polled. And we are now in Florida, where we also have very dear friends, basically family. And we have, you know, extended friends. So and we're building colleagues here. So right, we're doing all the things and, you know, we're making the transition, but have to remember that, and I've said this before, is you know, we have to be patient, and we have to keep persisting just like the last time and just like, you know, I find myself doing anytime there's something difficult, we keep persisting, keep going. And you know, I've read this several times, and I'm sure many of you have to but it you know, things like the things that scare us the most might also be really good for us. And to try and keep doing it anyway, and keep showing up anyway. And

also using the supports that are around us and finding strategies to help us navigate, right, that's part of, I think, the lowing the learning process, and we keep showing up. And also remembering to see the beauty and the learning that we find in the journey that we're in and try to be as authentic as we can, and staying as true to oneself as we can. And I also think that in that process of thinking of how you move through difficult times, thinking about how do I show up authentically? And what does that mean to be my true self? And I find myself saying is this actually the way I want to respond or is there another way I really should respond. And I don't mean that should like in like the how other people expect it, but I mean it in, how do I really want to respond like the way my heart is telling me. And so you know, in, you know, in making those choices of showing up as authentic as you can and being true to oneself as you can, the funny thing is, you actually give people around you permission to also keep showing up as their authentic selves, and also keep going and, you know, bringing the being true to themselves as they present themselves to you, it allows for vulnerability. And vulnerability is how we take down barriers, and how we build connection with others. And so in, you know, allow an incoming up into showing up as my authentic self. It allows other people's to people to show up as their authentic selves, and it also helps people feel safe and not judged. And then again, we build that connection, right, and then we take down barriers, and we can continue to connect in that way. And, you know, I think a lot of people feel like this, like, initially, you know, change and transition is super uncomfortable. And we're where people who like to run the different scenarios, what is change look like? And what how, what, what could possibly happen? And what are the things that could go wrong? And what are the things that they can go right, and so we try to do the scenario planning, right, we try to do the previewing beforehand. But of course, you're always going to be kind of like, you know, surprised things come up and surprise you. And so that change, you know, in that transition can feel really cool and exciting and fun. And then sometimes it feels really difficult and stuck and stagnant. And we move through. And, you know, it might take a little bit longer for some of us to kind of work through that process. And I think it might take others a little less time to get to the same place. But you know, the point is that we're all making progress, right. And we all get there, but in our own time and on our own path. So the other thing I was thinking, I would think about and I think about often is trying to appreciate the time and the work that it takes to get to a place of comfort. And, again, what tools do I enlist, and who are my support, or what are my supports, so that I can get to a place of comfort, and again, not a race, but like a journey. And, you know, depending on the type of transition that's happening, depending on the people that are involved, and depending on each person and where everyone's at when transition comes, sometimes we start with a lot of with a with our cups full, so to speak, or sometimes we're already starting with our cups a little bit depleted. And so, you know, depending on a lot of different factors, it could take some people shorter periods of times to adjust and to make a smoother transition to a place of comfort. And sometimes it can take longer. But you know, I think about you know, who are we to judge what someone else's experience is, or what it should be, and what the right path is. So I offer that. You know, you think about how the journey is and thinking about not judging yourself and what your own experiences. So with that, I will talk to you all soon. Take care.

Thanks for listening to autism in real life. This is Ilia Walsh. And if you liked the show, please hit subscribe so you can get notified each time a new episode is released. I also offer training, consultations and parent coaching and would love to help you in any way that I can. You can check out my offerings at the spectrum And when you join my email list, you can get a code to receive a discount off of an online class or a coaching session. Looking forward to hearing from you. Take care and see you next time.

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