Staying Present in a Busy Life

In this episode I explore what it means to move forward in life without losing ourselves.

Modern life is often full, with our work, relationships, family, responsibilities, not to mention our goals! 

It’s easy to become caught up in everything that needs to be done and slowly drift away from a deeper connection to ourselves.

And yet, alongside everything we do, there is always an awareness present,  quietly witnessing our thoughts, actions, and experiences.

This podcast explores that being still and conscious, is not to step away from life, but to remain connected to that awareness within it.

This episode is a reflection on:

• Staying connected to presence in everyday life
• The difference between awareness and reactivity
• How stress often arises from fear and lack of presence
• The impact of comparison and external expectations
• Returning to self-acceptance, compassion, and inner ease
• Living from presence rather than conditioning

Often, it is in the most challenging moments that we come to know ourselves more deeply. And it is also in these moments that we are most likely to lose ourselves in stress, fear, or exhaustion.

By always returning to awareness, again and again, we begin to move through life in a different way.

We can still have goals.
Still move forward.
Still engage fully with the world.

But without losing ourselves in the process.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:03

Welcome to Bodhisattva Conversations. My name is Julia Carly, and this podcast explores the practice of being so that we can live with greater presence, awareness and freedom, and experience the truth of who we are. This week's podcast is going to follow on from the last week's podcast, where I explored the gap that we have between any stimulation before we respond, and that in that space there is the opportunity to completely change the direction of our life by being always aware of, as the Buddha said, those 3,000 possibilities in every single moment. So I've been reflecting on what it means to move forward in life. So take those actions and make a decision of which way we go, this way or that, but without losing ourselves, and by that I mean without losing the true self, our essence, who we truly are. It's about being able to live really, really fully in the world. I think a spiritual path nowadays, we can be in the marketplace, we can be having goals and work and making a family and having relationships and having adventures and creating all sorts of things and really still go inward and beyond a path of presence and awareness. In fact, it's even more available for us to know that we are ourselves within all the stresses and strains of life because there have been stories about um the nun who she was um 12 years in meditation and she was living away, and she knew herself and knew that she was awareness, that she was presence, and she had experienced that. There's many people who go and retreat, and there's nothing wrong with that. I think that there's been a huge amount of um consciousness energy being experienced through those retreat, retreated people who are in that place of presence and awareness at all times. But anyway, she came back into the village, into the world, and she was on a bus and she found herself irritated by those all around her, and so she did recognize that there was, well, on one level, the work had just begun, and or another place way of looking at it is there was more work to be done because she had definitely was experiencing herself as the awareness that we all are, the awareness that's behind all the thoughts, that we can have all these goals and relationships and family, but remain connected to something deeper, and that although that space of awareness can be discovered by going somewhere quiet, I think it's still very, very valid that we might go out into nature or be alone or go on retreats because they're all spaces where we can experience the truth of who we are and experience that the something deeper, the awareness, presence, awareness, our true self. So we can, I think these places are valid, of course. But there's another story actually that Anadi, my husband, was telling me the other day about a monk or or a peaceful man, I'm not sure he was a monk, but he used to go out and row into the middle of a lake every day in his boat, and he would meditate there and he would be quiet and silent and experience the awareness, the presence, his true self as he lay in his boat. And then one day, um, with his eyes closed, a boat came and banged into him, and he immediately was like, What's that silly person doing in the you know, banging into the boat, they're not looking where they're going. Anyway, he opened his eyes and it was a boat that had just become unmoored. Is that what happens? You get on can a boat unmoor? Anyway, it was it was floating by itself on the lake, so it demonstrated again to him that he'd immediately projected a judgment onto a person and it was just the boat by itself. So all these stories serve to remind us that the inner path is the most important, and that actually, when we're in the world of goals and work and all of the things, it's even more important that we stay present, keep going inward, and as I always encourage, recognize it that if there is any reactivity, it's an arrow to something we've unresolved in ourselves, we have unresolved in ourselves some wound, some something that needs attention and there's work to be done, and that it's important again not to project it out and not to act out of that reactivity. Because no matter what is happening in our lives, there is always the watcher, the witnesser. There is always an awareness, witnessing it. We are that awareness. It's witnessing, or you know, the what the awareness witnesses every thought we think. We aren't our thoughts, and of course, we can get very caught up in identifying with our thoughts. Many, many, many people think they are their thoughts. All their stories, their ideas, their opinions, everything that's ever happened to them, they believe themselves to be those thoughts rather than the awareness that is witnessing it, all the actions, all the amazing things that we may have done. That doesn't negate them, it doesn't mean that they don't count for anything, but they all are all going to go. Um, and so it's important not to hang on to them. They can be part of our story, they can be useful, we can share them, we can inspire with our stories, we can help people with our experiences. Um, but actually, there is always still the awareness behind it all, and our reactions too, because obviously the reactions are not who we are, but again, people can get very identified with the loops they're in and being, you know, wronged by people or feeling justified to react to certain things, whether it's something as small as a road rage situation or something bigger in terms of family, work, global, all the things that go on. Um, it doesn't mean that we wouldn't take action to put things right, to take action where it's needed in terms of any anything that might go on in our life, any challenge, but it's again the inner journey is even more required when there is something that may be more volatile, more challenging. And I think that it's really important to recognise we don't actually have to make a choice between living fully because it's fun living, it's fun having all the possibilities that this life brings. When we bring presence into absolutely everything we do, we will be very, very different people because we might have a big job working in an organization, we might have lots of goals, we might have goals which are to do with creative work, family, physical, all sorts of things that we might be stretching towards and striving for excellence. We might be raising a family or managing all sorts of different responsibilities, and life can be incredibly full, and it's often in these very, very kind of full lives, and and that there can be a distraction, we get distracted by the goals, and it's actually an opportunity to deepen into awareness because often this is the time where people get caught up in life, that they can get caught up in um always being in the future, always got lots of things to do, and not being where they are, and also losing themselves in reactivity because you know, getting very stressed about things and slip out of awareness because stress seems to be a very normal and commonplace thing, whereas it's not, it's actually the aberration. There isn't the need for stress. Stress is basically means that we're we're not present because we're looking ahead because we're worrying about something in the future, or we're worrying about something else other than presence, and when we've got presence, we can work things out in incredible ways. We're into fear, obviously, if we if we're at not in awareness, we're caught in fear, um, we're into overwhelm, exhaustion. These are all unfortunately very commonplace things, and they seem to go hand in hand with people having big goals or having lots to do and and lots of family stuff going on. And then instead of becoming aware and having awareness as the witnesser, watching all this, then we become really identified with what is happening to us. We sort of seem to get into caught up in thinking that things are happening to us rather than being the awareness that is witnessing what's going on and recognizing the that there is a an opportunity for growth here, an opportunity for um yeah, for knowing yourself at the deepest level for presence, for awareness, for knowing who you truly are, because that really is the um the real challenge is staying present when everything is going on around us rather than thinking, oh god, I can't do it now, I'll do it later, or I'll meditate later, or I'll do something later, but now real life's happening. And um, you know, stress can arise obviously from lack of well, it always arises from lack of presence. If we're not, if we're present, we can't be stressed. If we're in here and now and we're in the moment, we can't actually be stressed, we can't be afraid. But of course, what can happen is that the identification with the mind, with the conditioning, with all of the things that have gone on in our lives, people tend to be very, very afraid of the future. They feel they've got to create some future that lives up to all of the pressures they may have been put under as children, or in their society, or in families, or you know, expectations which can be very subtle. The most, you know, families that want to give their children and the people around them the biggest support, there's often expectations that they're not even aware that they're putting on their children, or the expectations they have have had put on them, and so it goes down the generations. Um, a big one, as I've said before, is belief you know, that then we're not enough. That comes into my therapy room more than anything. Um, a sense of needing to become something in order to be worthy, a sense of needing to hit some credible standard to then relax. Um, and it becomes, you know, it's it starts, I think, very early measuring ourselves against each other. I think it happens in school, in families, and of course, these comparisons, and I mean it starts with siblings, it can start with siblings, it can start, you know, nursery, all manner of things, and it leads to huge self-doubt and disconnection from the essence, um, and a kind of striving to achieve out of insecurity. And any of these comparisons, like they're not good enough, takes us away from our true self, the essence of who we are, and you know, none of us know what it's like to genuinely walk um in another person's shoes, to genuinely be another person, and and ultimately the comparison comes from projecting that they either are better than us or worse than us, or um, all manner of things. The projections and comparisons can be in our favour and not in our favour, all sorts of things. So the first place is always to come back to set to centre, to come back to self, to come back to the breath, as I always say, come back to the breath, breathe in deeply and breathe out, and find that space in the breath, and therefore find that self-acceptance, that self-love and that self-forgiveness. So many people hold on to shame, and um, you know, it's a very big trap, very big trap, and it it spoils life, actually. I again work with many people who we're helping, you know, just let go of all that the past is gone, it's done. Um, and acceptance of ourself isn't giving up, and it's not not learning from our past, it's not not really reflecting and seeing, you know, where we where we can grow, where where the things that have happened can lead us inward, can lead us to greater awareness and greater wisdom. So it's not it's not just giving up and saying I can't do anything, but it's about creating an uh you know a real self-love, real acceptance, inner ease, just inner ease. And what happens is obviously if we don't judge ourselves, we tend not to judge others. Um, we can still be very observant as humans, we love observing people, but when we judge ourselves, there's so much judgment can go on of others, and that again pulls us outward and pulls us away from the inner, the inner journey, the place of knowing ourselves all the time, having a you know, connect staying connected to the inner journey. And when we do stay all the time coming back to presence, coming back to the breath, coming finding the gap in the breath, finding the gap in the thoughts, not getting identified with our thought streams, just coming back, and for having space where there may be not be any thought for some time, even if it's a little a little gap. Um, but then what can happen is our thoughts and our words and all of our actions actually come from presence rather than the old outdated, you know, should shoulds and oughts and all the conditioning. So we can still move forward, and that's really what I'm exploring is that it's fun. I mean, we don't have to. You don't have to go and have a goal or an expansion or any of those things, but often the very nature of expansion and goals and a new direction can actually lead us inward because it can reveal where maybe there is conditioning still, or there is fear, or there is um judgment or comparison or all of these things. Um so we can still move forward from the place of the with from presence. We can still create, we can still contribute, but we're no longer losing ourself in that process. We're no longer caught up in the identifications with all the all the stress and hurry and worry and all of those things. And as many of you who listen to my podcast know, I've run, I've loved running for my whole life, and I've really enjoyed striving for excellence and and having running goals. But there have been moments, obviously, through through my journey, where I got very caught up in the achievement and I got distracted into chasing fast times or yeah, chasing fast times, that was it really. Um, I had an awareness. I have to say that this the awareness has been there, and the awareness has been there even when I've seen myself getting caught up in some sort of identification with a fast time. So it's been a journey, it's the place, it's the only place where I've seen myself sort of got get um lost into trying to chase something that is a chimera. Um, and it you know, I did it many times, I did it in loops, and I might be aware of it, but there was also the addictive aspect that couldn't stop it. So, you know, you're caught in a loop, even sometimes when you're seeing it. Um, I mean, I I I say that's the only place I've obviously had other areas of um, as I've mentioned in other podcasts, areas of addiction with having to work through an eating disorder. So I have yeah, got well caught up in loops of the mind. Um I think what I'm saying is that right from a very young child, I've been aware that for me the most important thing is the inner journey. But I didn't mean to say I didn't at times have struggles with it and get caught in all the things that pull us away. Um but I really have loved this that you know, the path to inner awareness in a way, even those struggles, even the struggles with my running and my eating and all those and relationship, I would get very, you know, chasing after love. Those are areas that I really did see that ultimately, even all of this, even the even the chasing things did actually bring me back to a path of inner awareness. And I I love, I don't know if any of you know the run and become shops, um, and sh and Shri Chim um Shri must get his must get his name right, Shri Chin Moy. I think that's it. I'm sorry if it isn't I get the N and the M mudled sometimes. Um he was a meditation teacher, but he loved to run too, and he had a lovely quote that I've always kind of come back to if the running got out of hand and started to I started to chase the magical fast times. Um that doesn't mean that it isn't fun to go for a fast time, but not to lose yourself in it. Um I'm not saying I I mean I haven't run a race for a few months, but I'm not saying I wouldn't go for a time. Again, I've drawn different lines in the sand as the years have gone by. So it isn't about not going for a time, it's not getting lost in the time, and that's the that's the metaphor for anything. It's not not going for promotion or creating all sorts of wonderful things, building homes and um creating big projects, but it's not getting lost, not losing ourselves in it, um, and that's the the key. Um, you know, we're we're here to live fully in the world and to remain connected to ourselves. But I love the um Sri Jinmoi quote where he's says, run and become, run to succeed in the outer world, become to proceed in the inner world. And for me, running's always been an amazing metaphor for life. And so the practice is not to withdraw from life, it's to stay present within it so we can move forward that we don't lose ourself. Thank you for listening to Babysat for Conversations. I hope you enjoyed this episode and I look forward to being with you again next time.