53. Unresolved Trauma

Many of us have unresolved trauma that is hindering us from moving forward and accessing the healing that we need in order to grow. Rather it be emotional trauma or physical trauma we often have similar effects when it comes to how we progress and react in life.  Join Dr. Patrice Jackson as she tells us why we need to heal from unresolved trauma and how doing so will liberate and free us to become who we need to be.

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Transcript

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Hey friends, I'm Dr. Patrice Buckner Jackson but you can call me PBJ. Welcome to another episode of Heart Work with PBJ, where we are disrupting cycles of burnout and compassion fatigue for people who serve from the heart. Before we get into this episode, friend, I have to remind you that the waitlist for the Heart Wrok Academy is open. Now is the time to join the waitlist my friends. So listen, you need to get on over to www.heartworkacademy.com. Again, that's www.heartworkacademy. All of this will be in the show notes so that you can join the waitlist. The waitlist has the first opportunity to join the Academy, we only have 25 seats, and we'll be running the program in May and June. It's time. If you know if you've been listening to this podcast, because you know you are suffering from compassion fatigue, it's time friend to do something about it. And we're going to be digging into it and working through it together. So I would encourage you to join us sign up at www.heartworkacademy.com, so that you'll have first opportunity to join the next cohort. Okay, listen, we are still talking about perspectives that lead us to compassion fatigue, and I can't wait to share with you so let's get into the episode. So this week, friends, it's perspectives that lead us to compassion fatigue. Last week, we talked about perfectionism and how perfectionism is a trap. This week, we need to talk about unresolved trauma. Now, before we jump into this episode, as always friends, you know, I am not a counselor, this is not counseling. This does not take the place of counseling or coaching. This is encouragement. But I would encourage you if you hear yourself, so if you hear your story or your situation and anything that I have to say today, I want to encourage you to connect with a counselor that you trust, connect with a coach do what you need to do. And counseling and coaching are not the same thing either. But do what is necessary for you to deal with the trauma that you've been through. All right, friends, this is not counseling. But I hope through this, you'll be encouraged to participate in it. All right. So as we get into this episode, I have to tell you that and I last cohort of the Heart Work Academy. There were so many situations as we dug into our baggage because our first step is check your baggage right. As we dug into our baggage, we realized that a lot of the reason why we find ourselves in burnout, we find ourselves overwhelmed and we find ourselves in compassion fatigue is because there's something in our background that is unresolved. There's some trauma that we've been through. There's some experience that we've been through, that we still carry with us today. You know, I always tell you that you can't disrupt burnout and compassion fatigue, until you understand why you approach life and work the way you do. And a lot of times that's connected to some area of trauma in your life. And I don't use that word recklessly. I know that it's hard to connect when you say trauma, what exactly are you talking about? So think about a physical trauma. If you were if your body were to be hit by a car, right? You would physically experience damage in your body, there will be trauma to your body. Because of that impact. There will be pain. There will be brokenness, there will be wounds, there will be bruises in your body because of that impact. Well, I'm here to tell you that some of the experiences we've been in whether they have left physical bruises or not, they have left emotional wounds and bruises and impact and brokenness. And it's easy to attend to the physical trauma that we go to go through but sometimes we ignore the emotional and the spiritual trauma that we've been through. And I'm here to tell you that unresolved trauma can lead you to burnout and compassion fatigue, if you grew up having to take adult responsibilities when you were a child. So as a child, if you didn't have the luxury of being protected, of being provided for a being safe, of being provided for, or given what you need, then you may have had to take that role for yourself and for others, maybe for siblings, if a child has to take an adult role, before they are ready, that is absolutely going to impact the way you approach life and work as an adult. You know, I've had conversations with clients to say, and remind them, hey, you're not in that place anymore. You're safe. Our mind doesn't know that we're safe. You know, research will tell us that our brain responds to emotional trauma, just like physical trauma. So for our brain, the pain of a physical impact, versus the pain of a psychological, emotional, spiritual impact, the brain processes all of that the very same way. So if there was psychological emotional impact, that was never addressed, that was never dealt with that was left open, it is possible that you are still working from that same mindset. So if you had to take care of everybody else, as a child, you find yourself taking care of everybody as an adult, as if you had to foster your own safety, and find a way for yourself to be safe as a child, then you are very protected and guarded and sheltered and finding a safe place for yourself even as an adult. If there were situations that you were put into that you were the provider, as a child, then you may overcompensate in that area as an adult, and we look at our lives and we feel like why does everybody expect me to take care of them? Why is this all my responsibility? Why is it all on me frame before you look around? You look inside you? Why are you taking that responsibility? Why are you allowing it to be put on you? Why are you taking care of everybody? Normally there is something, there's some trauma in our background, that leads to the way that we approach life and work. And not just trauma. But I also want to talk to you about unforgiveness, I want to talk to you about bitterness that we might be carrying in our hearts, if we have unforgiveness in our hearts for something that was done to us or around us. And regardless of what the other person has done, right, whether they have apologized, or whether they've changed their behavior or whatever, we can't control what other people do. But if we continue to carry those open wounds, and if we don't take the necessary steps that we need to take in order to heal, then we're going to find ourselves operating from a wounded place. We might serve from a wounded place. So an impact in our adulthood, somebody says something or they do something or they respond in a certain way, it could hit us and impact us differently. Because we're already sensitive in that area. We've already been wounded in that area. And because we haven't taken the proper steps for that area to be healed. We continue to be wounded in that same area, because we won't attend to it. Because we won't take the time and the steps necessary to deal with that on resolved trauma. So when it comes to forgiveness, I always say you can choose not to be offended. And listen, this is no disrespect to anything you've been through. Because I know I know that if I could pass this microphone around today. Whenever you're listening to this. I know that there are so many hurtful stories that people can tell of what they've been through. As a matter of fact, I want to apologize. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You went through that. I'm sorry, you had to experience that. I'm sorry, you weren't protected. I'm sorry, you weren't safe. I'm sorry, you didn't get the provision that you needed. I'm so sorry that happened to you, it would never be my approach to ignore, or to disrespect or disregard what you've been through. But I will encourage you, that you can still choose not to allow it to continue to impact you. You can decide that you want to heal, that you want to release, that you want to grow, that you don't want to be broken in that area anymore. And you can take the steps, regardless of what other people decide, you can't make somebody apologize, you can't make them be a different person. You can't erase what they've done, and the hurt and the consequences of what they've done. But you can heal, you can heal, it is possible for you to heal, it is possible for you to forgive. And I know that might sound crazy. You know, I've been in positions in my life where I felt like, I deserved to be mad. You know, I addressed this in a spoonful of PBJ, a couple of weeks ago, I deserve to be mad. I didn't do anything wrong. And they shouldn't have treated me that way. But friends, I've grown to learn that I don't deserve to be mad, I deserve to be free. And I cannot be free in my heart. If I'm carrying bitterness, and unforgiveness. That's not freedom. I've bought in the past, that the forgiveness was for the people who hurt me. But now I'm convinced that forgiveness is for me. Forgiveness is for me, I let go of a fence. And I decided to go through the process of healing wounds with my counselor, with my coaches, with my ministers, whatever works for you, I go through the process of healing, because I need healing. Because I don't want to work from a broken place. I don't want to serve from a broken place. I don't want to be sensitive in an area because of something that has happened to me when I was a child, I want to be whole and healed and serving from a place of power. And in order for me to do that I have to forgive then say forgive and forget, I didn't even say you have to restore the relationship, the relationship may not be healthy for you. And that's okay. The relationship may not be in a condition that it can be restored. And that's okay. But forgiveness, and healing is still necessary. Because you're burnout, and your compassion. Fatigue comes from how you approach life and work. And your approach to life. And work comes from the experiences you've had throughout your life. So friends, unresolved trauma, from your childhood, unresolved trauma, from holding on to unforgiveness and bitter and bitterness in your heart. But we also have to talk about work trauma, unresolved trauma from being a part of systems and organizations where you were not supported in rest, when where the expectations were unrealistic, where the boundaries were very loose. If you have operated in that kind of environment, it may be difficult for you to transition into an environment that is more healthy, and where you can be home. So you are responsible from healing from the traumatic work environment before you go into the next one. And if not before, as you transition into the next one, because you may not physically be in that place anymore. But that places in you. It's in you, you had to learn how to survive. You had to learn what it takes in that environment to make it and you now have to break those cycles in order to be in a healthy place. If you're not in that traumatic work environment anymore. Let's say you've left even if you've left and you're not there anymore, it is still in you. So you have to go through the processes of acknowledging what happened habits was our was our choir to pick up in order to exist, and to thrive, or, or survive, forget thrive, survive, and then environment? What did I have to teach myself about trusting others? What did I have to teach myself about relationships? What did I have to teach myself about protecting myself and boundaries and, and how I do my work and how much I share and how much I withhold and communication. There are so many survival tactics that we have to teach ourselves in order to survive in unhealthy work environments, and those tactics stick with us. They stay with us, even when we're no longer in that environment, we have to make the transition, not just physically being in a different place, not just getting a new job. But in your mindset. Are you treating your new place like your old place? Are you treating your new relationships, like the ones you just left? Are you assessing and assuming that everybody around you now is just like the people who left work, trauma, unresolved work, trauma will drive us it will drive us to burnout. Because while we are physically in a different place, your mind doesn't know it yet. Your heart doesn't know it yet. He doesn't believe it yet. So again, through counselling, through coaching, to go through the processes of acknowledging that you are no longer in place, and you are in a safe place. I hope you are. I hope you are in a safe place. Now. You will have to transition and work through that on resolved trauma. So unresolved trauma can lead you to burnout, it can lead you to compassion fatigue. So as we go through and check our baggage, we have to acknowledge those things that have defined the way that we approach work and life so that we can make the proper adjustments, so that we can operate and not just operate not to survive, but so we can thrive. So that we can breathe. So that we can thrive in purpose. We can breathe and live in freedom. And we can do the work that we've been called to do. So friend, is time, it's time to acknowledge unresolved trauma, it's time to connect with a resources, so that we can go through the process is to be free. It's time to be free. So that you can serve his time to be free, so that you can walk in purpose, it's time to be free. So that you can release to the world, what you've been carrying, for a long time, that business, that book, that degree, that idea that service, that thing that you've been carrying on the inside of you for so long, and you feel like it's been trapped, you want to let it go, but you can't let it go. And you can't figure out how to release it. Maybe this unresolved trauma, I'll say this, unresolved trauma, bitterness, unforgiveness, all these things. It's like a cog in your pipe. Right. So think of your pipeline of purpose. It's like a clog in your pipe, and, and purposes, is trying to come through. But because of the clogging your pipe, your purpose is stuck. So you know it's in you. You know, it's in you, you feel it, you think about it, you dream about it, it's in your heart, but you can't figure out how to release it. You can figure out how to get it out there. Maybe it's less about the purpose and more about the clock. Maybe it's more about the thing that you're carrying, that wasn't your fault. It wasn't your fault, but it is your responsibility. Let me say that one more time. It was not your fault. But it is your responsibility. Because you have to decide to heal. You have to decide to recover. You have to decide to get the counseling, get the coach and get the support that you need. So that claw can be cleared and it's free way for your purpose to come through. For and I know what I'm talking about. And know what I'm talking about. My dad and I have shared with you all on this podcast are jurnee very early in the episodes, I think like three and four something early, but we shared our journey. And I shared how unforgiveness was in my heart concerning him. Well, I don't remember if I told you this part. But after our relationship was restored after I forgave him after we started building our relationship, literally, my life has not stopped rocking and rolling since not stopped two years after my dad and I started our journey together, I met my husband and got engaged and got married, all in a matter of about six good months, got promoted on top of promotion, on top of promotion, started this business start this podcast. It has not stopped for the last 10 years. And I truly believe that dealing with that unforgiveness in my heart dealing with that trauma, of feeling rejected, whether it was real or not, it was real to me, feeling rejected. And living through that and building up walls and myself because of that, dealing with all of that, allowing God to touch that wounded place, so that I can be healed. When I decided to say yes to that messy, ugly, hurtful process. My life has not stopped elevating, ever since that point. I'm convinced that dealing with your trauma will clear your purpose pipe, and it will flow freely, if you can get that out of there. So I encourage you for and again, I'm nobody's counselor, and I don't want to step into that place. But if you know that you heard your story, in this episode, if you know that there's unresolved trauma that there's unforgiveness, there's bitterness and again, it's not about the other person deserving it. They probably don't. They probably don't. But it's about you deserving to be free. Deal with it, friend. Do what you need to do to get free. Do what you need to do to unclog your purpose pipe so that you will have free flow to do and be everything you were created to do me. Alright Friends. That's what I got for you today. Listen, as always, you are powerful. You are significant. And you are loved. Love always PBJ