Disrupting Burnout

78. It's Time to Tell the Truth

February 22, 2023 Dr. Patrice Buckner Jackson Episode 78
Disrupting Burnout
78. It's Time to Tell the Truth
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Show Notes Transcript

Welcome to Disrupting Burnout - a podcast where we beat burnout so that you can love your career again! 

 What stories are you telling yourself? As human beings, we are natural storytellers and throughout our existence, we have shared and passed down stories, beliefs and even fears from generation to generation. 

In this week’s episode of Disrupting Burnout, I’m sharing how we can take control of the stories we tell ourselves and beat burnout, for good, by learning how to tell the truth! 

It’s Time To Disrupt Burnout:

 4:15 - Identify The Story

10:15 - Apply Truth To The Story 

14:55 - Change The Narrative 

It's Time to Tell the Truth Takeaways
●      “When I was in rock bottom burnout, one of the challenges I had were the stories I was telling myself.”  - Dr. PBJ

●      “Any time there's a gap between what we know for sure and what we don't know, it’s human nature that we fill in that gap.” - Dr. PBJ 

●      “We have to take control of the stories we are telling ourselves, and this is a key when we are disrupting burnout.”  - Dr. PBJ 

●      “Identify the story from the truth.”  - Dr. PBJ 

●      “Truth doesn't always feel good, but it will make you free.” - Dr. PBJ

●      “People didn’t need me as much as I convinced myself I was needed.” - Dr. PBJ

●      “You are worthy no matter how hard you work. You were made worthy.” - Dr. PBJ  

●      “In order to be free, you have to apply the truth to the stories you're telling yourself.” - Dr. PBJ 

●      “Speak to yourself in truth.” - Dr. PBJ  

This episode is brought to you by One-on-One Coaching with PBJ! Are you career-frustrated?  Have you lost your passion for work you once loved? Dr. PBJ is experienced and equipped to support you. Schedule a free Connect Call atwww.connectwithpbj.com

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We have to take control of the stories we are telling ourselves. And this is a key when we are disrupting burnout. Hey, friend, welcome to the Disrupting Burnout podcast. I am your host, Dr. Patrice Buckner Jackson. But you can call me PBJ. Friend, you are in the right place here at Disrupting Burnout, we are giving you the tools to disrupt and beat burnout. So you can love your career and your work. Again, friend, we get it, you're in the right place at the right time we speak your language, we know what it feels like. We know that caring and serving in a compassionate way can cost you and your body in your mind and your spirit and your relationships. And this is your place to come to be refreshed. This is where you get refilled. This is the place to be revived. This is the place to fill your cup so that you can serve from your overflow friend. I'm so glad you're here and I'm ready to get started. How about you? Let's get into it. Hey, friends, I am so excited to be back with you this week, and to dig more deeply into disrupting burnout. So last week, we discussed the three strategies that I teach to disrupt burnout, not surface tactics, not just looking at your calendar. But how do we break the cycle of burnout, and never find ourselves in that rock bottom again. And those three strategies were checking your backpack, building your boundaries and discovering your brilliance. So backpack, boundaries, and brilliance. Those are the three strategies that I have found for myself, and for my coaching clients to be effective in disrupting the burnout cycle. Today, I want to offer another question that I want you to ask yourself concerning what's in your backpack? I have to tell you that when I was in rock bottom burnout, one of the problems or one of the challenges I had were the stories I was telling myself the stories that I made up in my head and I was telling myself now listen, y'all know how we do. Human beings, we are natural storytellers we are. That's how we have passed down on history. You know, for as long as human beings have existed. We have shared and told stories from family experiences and lineage to history. We tell stories naturally. And our brain works that way. Right? If you're a mama, you know what I'm talking about. So you trying to get your child on the phone and they don't answer and automatically your head starts making up a story. Anytime there's a gap between what we know for sure. And what we don't know, human nature, we fill in that gap. And most of the time, what we fill that gap in with is an exaggeration. Most of the time, the story that we create is much worse than the actual reality. I don't know about y'all, and I'm not proud of it. But there have been too many days that I have pictured my child or my husband in a ditch somewhere just because they weren't answering their phone. We have to take control of the stories we are telling ourselves. And this is a key when we are disrupting burnout. The first step is you need to identify the story. Identify the story from the truth. Remember I said there's the truth that we know for sure. And then there's the part there's a gap, and we start to fill in that gap with a story. What stories are you telling yourself? What stories have you created in your own mind and in your own heart that are leading you to burn out? For me? I told myself stories like well, if I don't do it, nobody else will. If I don't show up who's going to help My students who's going to be there for them, honey, I told y'all this before. After I walked away from my job because of burnout, those students had the nerve to keep going to school, they had the nerve to graduate, without me, the nerve to get careers and move on with their life. And I wasn't even there. And I'm chuckling at myself now. But it was so real to me. In that moment, in that timeframe, it was so real to me, I was convinced that they needed me. I was convinced, and it was all in good intentions. It was all in I want to do what God created me to do want to do this job. Well, I, they need me and I have to show up. I told myself, if I don't answer the phone, then that person on the other line is not gonna love me anymore. They are not going to think I love them. If I don't answer every call, if I don't respond to every text, they're gonna think I don't love them. If I don't say yes to every church obligation, they're gonna think I don't love Jesus, they're gonna think that I'm not a good Christian. These are all stories that I made up, you know, I had to have a sparkling house and a dinner ready. And otherwise, I'm not a good wife. Like, if I'm not doing all the things, that I'm not a good wife, or am I a good mother, like all of these stories that are made up in my own head. And those stories literally, were strangling me. They were choking the life out of me. So I need you to identify the stories. What stories are you telling yourself? Well, if I don't go above and beyond that work, no one will respect me. They won't think I'm smart enough. If I don't say yes to every project. And they're gonna think I'm not committed and dedicated to the company. What story have you created, in your own mind, and in your own heart, that is leading you to burnout and literally choking the life out of you? Hey, friends, I'm just popping in to let you know that I have just a handful of openings on my calendar over the next three months for one on one coaching clients. If you are an accomplished woman, who has found that you've lost your fire over time, if you have been successful doing all the things, but you just want to love your work. Again, if you're really good at what you do, but you know that there is more than you need to reach out. Go to connect with pbj.com Sign up for a connect call. We'll jump on real quick. I just need to make sure you're a good candidate for my coaching program. And if so we'll dig in together and I'll walk this journey with you. All right, y'all reach out connect with Pb de.com. I look forward to speaking with you. Hello, my name is Ashley. And I have the privilege of experiencing Dr. PBJ as one of my coaches in a business accelerator program for women called purpose to platform. And Dr. PBJ actually served as our subject matter expert and our mindset coach do throughout the program. And she brought over 30 years of experience in academia. Her professional training is amazing. Her experience is very relevant. And she's an applicable and we are so fortunate to benefit from her being our mindset coach. Dr. PBJ is compassionate, and very skilled in creating safe spaces for and creating safe spaces. I'll leave it at I'll leave it at that. And she's also very skilled in walking her clients through transformation, you will have a transformative experience if you work with Dr. PBJ. She worked with our cohort and literally most of us were, I would say in the caterpillar stage. When we came in, there were many things that we needed to develop many things that we needed clarity on and support in. And she walked us through this transformative experience. She took us through the cocoon stage and ultimately helped us to build resilience, confidence, self acceptance, and build us up to be the butterflies that we are and that we need to be to succeed in business. And so if you're looking for a coach who's relatable, who is compassionate, authentic, authentic, effective, and ultimately transformative than you found the right woman and Dr. PBJ. Thank you I love Tabitha Brown. If you don't know who Tabitha is, on T, TAB TAB, if you don't know who tab is you need to get your life you need to figure out what that is. But I love Tabitha Brown. And I was listening to an interview that she had, I think it was with crystal Hurst and she was saying how before she was free, she tried to be what? What Hollywood and what professional life expected her to be, how she straightened her hair and how she hid her her North Carolina accent and how she tried to show up as what everybody wanted every day and how much it exhausted her, she would go home tired from wearing the costume all day long. Because she was convinced in order to be successful. The story she told herself is in order to be accepted. And in order to be successful, I have to be what they whoever they are, want me to be. And tab goes on to tell her testimony of how her life completely changed, when she made the decision to just be tad to just be herself to let those stories go. And if you're familiar with her story, and if you've been following like I have you know that her life has completely changed to five years or less. She is not the same person or she is the same person. But her life is so much different. Everything that she waited on for over 20 years. This flooded into her life when she decided to release that story. What story are you telling yourself? What story are you holding on to that is choking the life out of you? After you identify the story, then you need to apply truth to that story. Now, this can be the uncomfortable part. Because truth doesn't always feel good, but it will make you free. So you have to identify the story, and then apply truth to that story. So in my case, the story was if I don't do it, if I don't show up, if I'm not there, nobody else will. Nobody else will do it. The truth is and was that it was more about my need to be needed. People didn't need me. As much as I had convinced myself I was needed. It was more about me being needed. It was more about my identity, being wrapped up in achievement. It was more about my self worth being wrapped up in the opinions of others. That was not easy truth. For me to speak for me to accept, for me to admit. But that truth made me free. That true set me free. It made me free. So after you identify the story, you're telling yourself, what is the truth? What is the truth? What is the truth of your situation? The truth is that you are worthy. No matter how hard you work, you were made worthy, you are created worthy. The truth is that there is an innate, unique, innate unique value inside of you. God given all you have to do is wake up and breathe and it flows from you. And when you live in that value, not only is there ease and grace, but there's power and impact. The truth is you are valuable. You are worthy. You are loved, regardless of the overworking and overdoing the truth is the overworking in the overdoing is more about you than about what others expect of you. Now, you know I love you. But in order to be free. You have to apply the truth to the stories you're telling yourself. After you apply the truth, you got to change the narrative. You I have to speak to yourself in a different way. You have to cast down thoughts that come. As soon as that thought comes up. I have to answer that phone. No, ma'am. No, you don't. They can leave a voicemail. You can call back later. I have to know you don't have to say yes. No, you don't? No, you don't. The truth is, I only have to do what God is leading me to do. I choose to be obedient to him. I choose to be obedient to Him. The truth is, I was born worthy. Not because of me, but because of who created me. And I have to speak to myself. According to that truth. The truth is PBJ, you need to be needed. So sometimes when you see a need, you need to sit down and wait. Because you are not always the solution. I'm not talking about nobody. I'm just talking about what I'm talking about. I'm talking to me. I am not always the solution. I am not always the answer. And me stepping in every time is not noble is disobedient. It's prideful. I'm just talking truth to me. I'm just speaking truth to me, me thinking that I'm the Savior of the world is prideful, because that's not my place. That's not my place. You have to change the story. You are telling yourself. Speak to yourself, in truth. Speak out loud to yourself, in truth. And the more you speak that truth, the more freedom you're going to experience in your heart, and in your mind, and in your spirit and in your body. So if you're ready to disrupt burnout, friend, it's time to speak the truth. It's time to speak the truth. Well, my children can't live without me, I bet they will. They'll figure it out. They can they can wrestle through it. You made it through your 20s, they'll make it through there's a won't. It might not be easy. It might not be pretty, but they need to be open, independent, they need this opportunity for you not to step in and save them. Your colleagues, your spouse, your people, they need you to make room for them to step up and show up. That's the truth. That's the truth. So I want to encourage your heart. I want to encourage your heart, friend, you can be free. You can be free. The Bible says that. The yoke he says My yoke is easy, and my burden is light. Jesus said if the yoke is heavy, and it's choking you and if the burden is too much for you to bear is not something God gave you. Something you took on in your own power, and you're having to carry it in your own power, and you need to release it. That's the truth. That's the truth. All right, friends, that's what I have for you today. As always, you know, I'm here for you. And I look forward to chatting with you again next week. Bye now. Now hold on frame before you go. I want you to share this episode with somebody in your life who you know needs it. And you know, we can't leave without this. I always have to remind you I need to remind you, you are powerful. You are significant. And you are loved. Love always PBJ