85. Show Yourself Compassion with Gabi Ruth

Welcome to Disrupting Burnout - a podcast where we beat burnout so that you can love your career again! If you weren’t aware, trauma affects both your brain and your body. By addressing the trauma of your past and releasing that energy, you grant yourself an opportunity to heal and chase the dreams that God placed in your heart. 

This week on Disrupting Burnout, I’m joined by Gabi Ruth, a Woman Who Defines Disruption by creating safe spaces for women and trauma survivors to share their stories, heal, and embrace their unique callings.  

Gabi Kelley aka “Gabi Ruth” is an author, speaker, and host of the Pain to Passion Live podcast. As a complex trauma survivor and "trauma mama," she's spent years studying and applying various somatic-based healing modalities, and believes it's both possible and imperative to continue to pursue your God-dreams while healing from your past. 

It’s Time To Disrupt Burnout:

00:30 - Access The Dream

09:00 - The Body Keeps Score 

14:35 - Fight, Flight, Or Freeze

20:35 - How To Find The Right Support

27:45 - Stay Within Your Window Of Tolerance

36:40 - How To Stay In A Regulated State

Show Yourself Compassion Takeaways
●      “Take the time to get present.” - Gabi Ruth 

●      “You don’t have control over how your system reacts.” - Gabi Ruth

●      “What we’ve been through is encoded in our bodies.” - Dr. PBJ

●      “You have to work on your story in order to understand and heal .” - Gabi Ruth 

●      “Stay within your window of tolerance.” - Gabi Ruth 

●      “You have to show yourself compassion. You’re working with your body, not against your body.” - Gabi Ruth  

●      “Shame is a terrible motivator.” - Gabi Ruth

●      “Surrender to what your body needs.” - Dr. PBJ 

●      “You can trust the cues your body is giving you.” - Gabi Ruth 

Connect With Gabi:
Instagram: @gabiruth | https://instagram.com/gabiruth

Facebook: https://facebook.com/gabiruth84

Website: https://gabiruth.com

Pain to Passion Live Podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/paintopassionlive

Connect with Dr. PBJ
●               To connect with Dr. PBJ, go topatricebucknerjackson.com

●               Follow Dr. PBJ on IG@drpatricebucknerjackson for#aspoonfulofpbj.

●               Need a dynamic transformational speaker?  Dr. PBJ is ready to serve.  Check outDr. PBJ Speaks | https://www.patricebucknerjackson.com/speaking

●               Support The Show |https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/lovepbj?locale.x=en_US 

Transcript

0:00

I thought that I was going through hell with my children. But that whole experience was actually intended for my healing. Because if I hadn't gone through that, and found out all of these things that were happening inside of me, I don't know that I ever would have addressed my story. Hey, friends, it is Dr. PBJ again. And listen, I am so grateful that you all continue this journey of disrupting burnout with me and this community. And I pray that you're getting exactly what you need, every time you tune in. And every time you listen, I have a friend to introduce you all to today. And this moment is someone that I just recently met. And can I tell you? Can I tell you, the day that I heard her message, so much shame, fell off on me the message and what she teaches is so powerful. And it gave me such a deep understanding of who I am and how my body works, that it freed me to do some things that I've been trying to do for a long time. And we're gonna talk more about this. But before we get into it, Gabi, I just want to say how grateful I am to you for what you are teaching in the way that you are teaching it. Because it has meant everything. I'll tell you. I've been trying to write a book for years. years. And I literally heard you just a couple of months ago, and I can't stop writing now. Oh, my goodness. I wake up in the middle of the night with just below. Wow. Get up and put it down and then I can rest. And I've been holding this thing for years. Wow. I haven't even formally introduced you and Kelly, welcome to the disrupting burnout podcast. Thank you so much for what you meant to my life. Oh my goodness, well, you're gonna make me cry. I feel so honored and so blessed. And I'm just so grateful that something hit home and it's helped free you up to do what you're called to do. That's incredible. It has it has and I know there's so many in this community struggle and don't understand why like we don't go what's going on in our bodies. It doesn't make sense. So let's just jump into it. Gabi please tell the people who you are. You bet. Well, my name is Gabi. It's short for Gabriele. I know everyone asks me that my Gabi so it's short for Gabriella instead of Gabrielle. I go by Gabi Kelly or Gabi Ruth, and I live in Spokane, Washington with my family. My two kiddos, my husband, my dog who's next to me, complaining right now that I am on a zoom call. So I apologize for that. And I got into learning about how trauma affects the body really just by the grace of God, to be honest, my son is adopted from Ethiopia, he's incredible. He's almost 10. Now, we adopted him when he was 15 months old. And for anyone who has known someone who's adopted or who's been adopted, you know that any adoption comes with trauma. It doesn't matter how perfect of a scenario it is. Every adoption comes with trauma. So we were very naive when we adopted him to be very, very honest. And so basically learning the hard way that he was struggling with things going on in his brain and his body, and having to really advocate to find help for him. But through that process, I really found out and uncovered my own trauma story. I didn't ever name my history as traumatic until I met him and learned about what was going on with him and understood that all of the attachment issues that he was dealing with and all of the trauma issues he was dealing with in his brain and his body were the same things that I had been struggling with my whole life. So I don't know I'm always amazed by the grace of God to unveil my story in that way. And I just hope that I can honor him, my son, and my story with the work that I do. Now, but I've been so blessed to learn how trauma affects the brain and the body and how to release a lot of that energy. And to really start healing and chasing your dreams. I've been such a god girl my whole life, and I love helping women especially get free and chase down their dreams even while they're healing. And now I just have a lot more context of how to do that without shutting you down, or really hurting yourself further. So that's kind of what I'm about. It's so powerful. It's so powerful Gaby, because what I find is, sometimes we feel like the dream is not in us, or the answer is not in us. And we are pulling for answers externally. Give me a book, give me a podcast, give me a coach, give me somebody. Right. But we miss it. Because it's, it's in as well. We just can't access it. Right. That to it. It feels like a block. Right? Totally. One of the first things you did when we experienced you in a mess, I'm in a mastermind with Patrice Washington. And she invited you in and I'm so grateful. One of the first things you did, and I forgot what you call it, it but you had us look around the room. Yeah, just look around the room. And Gaby, it was so powerful in that moment, because I turned to look behind me. And the science behind me say it is well with my soul. And people who I meet with see them all the time. And I never turned around to see them. And that moment, may have been the first time since I put them up there that I physically turned around and looked at that. And in that moment, there was just there was an exhale. Wow, that I didn't even realize I was holding my breath. Does that make sense? Absolutely. Yeah. Tell me more about that. What did you have us do? And what's the power of that? Yeah, and I really have to credit my own Somatic Experiencing coach Sarah Baldwin, She's incredible. Every single time you get on a meeting with her, she starts the meeting like that. It's called orienting. So we just orient to our space. Sometimes she would even have us orient to her space to let us know that we were safe in her space as well. But basically, what it does, is as you slowly look around, and your intention really is just to look around you and take notice of what you see how different things make you feel, maybe something you get stuck on, like right now. And I'm looking, I can see this mug from Germany sitting on the counter. And it makes me feel happy because it's from a friend in Germany, and you take the time to get present. You really get present like, Oh, I'm here right now, those things that were worrying me earlier, I don't have to worry about that right now. Whatever's happening in the future, that's in the future. I'm here in this moment, and I'm safe. And I can be here because we spend so much of our time in the past or in the future, instead of right in the present moment. So that's really the point of that exercise is just to get you into your body and into the present moment. Yeah, it was so powerful. And and you mentioned as you told your story of how you've learned that the how our brain works and how our body works, and how that impacts us concerning just existing everyday but also concerning pursuing your dreams. So can you help us get get into that? Like, what are some things about our bodies and how they work that we need to be aware of either healing trauma and moving forward into future? Where do you start with that? Yeah, I mean, this is something I could talk about all day. But to try to simplify it, some of you may have heard the expression the Body Keeps the Score. There is a very famous book by that name by Dr. Bessel Vander Kolk, Vander Kolk. But the point of that phrase is basically everything that has happened to you in the past, especially if you've been through something that has harmed you in the past, your nervous system, or what we call the autonomic nervous system actually encodes everything about that harmful scenario, into your body. So that if you do something in the present, even if it's something you want to do, even if it's something that's perfectly safe, but it reminds your autonomic nervous system of what happened to you in the past, then it will send you into fight flight or freeze mode, before you even have a chance to think about it. And that's the key point is, it's before you have a chance to think about it, the autonomic part basically means you don't have control over how your system reacts. And like I told you beautiful ladies in the class that we did, there's a nerve in your body that runs from your brainstem all the way to your intestines called the vagus nerve. And this is what regulates your autonomic nervous system. So it opens different doorways and pathways based on the information it's receiving from your environment. To tell you if you're safe or not, that's its full job is to tell you if you're safe or not. So as we are pursuing our dreams, as we're moving into new things that we want to do, oftentimes, our autonomic nervous system will get triggered. Because it's like, oh, this is scary. This is new. What if this happens, this is threatening. So we can learn ways to regulate. So we can show our autonomic nervous system like actually what I'm doing now is safe, we can rewire. So that over time, as we do this repeatedly, and show our system safety repeatedly, it will actually have a different response in the future. So then, like, if you're working on your book, like you mentioned earlier, before we got on the recording, you won't feel panicked, or you won't go into shutdown. So yeah, there's lots of different spaces that your body can end up in. But the point is, we can teach ourselves new ways to be compassionate to our bodies, as we move into the things that we desire as we move into the things we want to do, so that we don't have to be panicked or shut down anymore. It is so powerful to understand that what we've been through is encoded in our bodies. Yes. Right. And I heard Dr. Anita Phillips, she's a psych cut psychologist. And she was saying even generations, yes. What have happened to folks before you can be passed down and encoded in a way that your body automatically does its job. Yes, automatically kind of kicks into gear and responds to keep you safe. Yes. And if we don't have this knowledge, and we don't know what's going on, it can lead us to a place of frustration with ourselves, you know, it can lead us to a place of feeling like we're not enough, you know, that when I say that you freed me from Shane. Every time I tried to sit down and write this book, nothing would come, nothing would come and I knew there was something in me to say you need to do this. Now I tried to press to do it, I could not do it. And there was shame attached to that because I'm an achiever, achievers get things done, and I could not sit down and put put words on a paper on a page. So learning that there is this vagus nerve and in response to keep me safe, helped me understand what what the block was. Because you talked to us about how to safely move out of a comfort zone and try something right. Yes, what I was doing, I was trying to accomplish something that I've never done before, right? I just recently met anybody personally who've done it. Who's done it, right. So body was saying this is unfamiliar, right? We don't know this is not okay, what? What if people don't like it? What if you don't have enough for a book? What if it never come? Like my body's automatically without me thinking about it during the scan of the environment and saying this is unfamiliar and it's not safe? Exactly. interpreted that as inadequacy. Didn't have what it takes to get this done. When you talk about the fight, flight or freeze, what might that look like for a professional woman who worked hard and have achieved some things? What would fight flight or freeze some other examples of what it might look like for them? Yeah, you bet. I can definitely help with that. And I just relate so much to your story, because I've been there so many times. And I think it's one of the things that frustrates me about a lot of the personal development space is they're like, if you're not doing it, it's because you don't want it bad enough. And then you feel so much shame. Because you're like, I thought I wanted this. I really did. But I've just cannot mobilize myself to do it. But I like to remind people and I said to you guys, if if your system is responding in that way, it's working exactly like it's designed to work. It's actually doing what God designed it to do to keep you safe. And that can lift so much shame off of a person immediately, because you're like, Oh, I'm actually working properly. And when you fight against it, you're actually fighting against the natural way that God designed you to work. So the fight flight or freeze for let's just take the writing a book scenario, you sit down, you're like, I have two hours, I blocked out two hours to write you sit down, get on your computer, that cursor is just blinking on the page. And you're like, Oh, hey, look, it's my phone. I'm gonna get on my phone. I'm just gonna check on this one thing. And then before, you know, it's 45 minutes have gone by, you've liked 67 Instagram posts, and you've gotten nothing done. You tell him a business friend? Well, it's because I've been there. Yeah, well, that that right, there is flight, like you're trying to escape the situation, like know, your system saying I can't focus on this right now we got to get out of here. This is not safe for us, like run, there's a tiger and it's coming. And it's chasing me down, and I need to run away from it. So the way that that looks now, because we're not actually getting chased by tigers is distraction, or mental confusion, those kinds of things. Or sometimes, like for me, it's like the laundry is piling up in the laundry room, I need to take care of that. The fight would be like, let's fight it by getting all these other things done. I'm going to do the dishes, I'm going to do the laundry, I'm going to make that phone call. That doesn't matter. Oh, I should probably cancel that dentist appointment like all of those things. So that is what it's going to look like in like a professional atmosphere. And then freeze is when you actually move into doing the thing that you're you're wanting to do, you write a paragraph, and then you just sit there, or you go down into what's called dorsal vagal, which is depression, exhaustion. Oh, my gosh, I was feeling fine. 20 minutes ago, but now I really need to take a nap. I can't even think clearly like, I need to go. I can't do this. So that's kind of what it would feel like either high anxiety doing random things or going into shutdown. I'm exhausted. I can't do this. I just can't really do it upgrading. So when you talk about the fight, doing all the things I coach, people who find themselves in that space. We are achievers. Our escape is overworking. Yeah. So let me go. I don't feel like I can be successful at this. Like I can't conquer this. I can't kill this right? Me go do 10 or 15 other things that I know I can do. Let me power my plate. Let me take on another role. Let me volunteer for another committee. Let me bake a big dinner, let let me do things. Let me do all the things. And then what happens is we end up in this overwhelm. Some point you can't keep doing all the things right? And it becomes too much. And we feel like we're drowning in our own life. Yeah, totally. Like literally cannot keep our head above water because we've taken on so much in an escape from the thing. I believe purpose is your innate unique brilliance. It is it is your being. It is the thing right now, all the way that we bring purpose to Earth is through passions through our expressions. So you can have many passions, many expressions of the same purpose. The more we run away from that purpose, we get involved with things that are not aligned with that purpose. And it drives us to overwhelm drives us to burn out or what you call dorsal. Yes. Right. And we get to that place where we feel like we can't recover. We can't come back. Well, we've hit rock bottom and we don't understand exactly. When you were telling your story. You talked about how trauma encodes and our body. So it feels like there's work to do concerning the trauma. And then also work to do concerning the moving forward. Right? So it feels like two kind of two sides of the same coin. Yeah. I can't imagine that I can move forward if I don't acknowledge. So can we start there? Like, what? What does that look like? Yeah, again, I think it's such a gift that God gave me. I just spoke in an event this past weekend, and I told this story about how I thought that I was going through hell with my children. But that whole experience was actually intended for my healing. Because if I hadn't gone through that, and found out all of these things that were happening inside of me, I don't know that I ever would have addressed my story. So I'm very passionate about people really addressing their story and being honest about their story. Now, what your system is always looking for a safety, right. And so if you were raised in a toxic situation, or had experienced any kind of abuse, and you had to learn how to function in dysfunction, then safety is something that seems very elusive, to your body, and you just do whatever you can to cope, I did whatever I could to cope as a child, not a single day can I remember feeling perfectly safe and at home in my body. So you just learn to cope. And then as you become an adult, that becomes what we call hyper vigilance, where you can assess how everyone in the room is feeling, you're always aware of what's going on around you. And that's something that you have to work on your story to really understand and heal. And something that I love to help people with is actually to help them find a professional who is a good fit for them. Because it's easy to say something like go to therapy. But how do you find a therapist that's actually qualified, and a good fit, to walk with you through your story. And it's something that I've done a lot of research on, I've done a lot of work on, I did a lot of work just to find a therapist for myself. But honestly, in all honesty, finding a trauma informed therapist who is there to help you walk you through your story and actually has a modality, that will be like a scaffolding to help you heal. You're not just hashing through your feelings, you're not just talking about scenarios, you're actually healing. That's going to be huge for anyone who is working through the trauma that is stored in your body. Hopefully, that was helpful. If there's something I can clarify, I'd be happy to do that. No, that's perfect. GAVI that's perfect at part of my story is, you know, worked in higher education. And I want students to counseling for 20 years. Massive, wow. I had supported them through their traumas thinking, well, this is not my life, I'm just the support, not understanding the impact that all of that had had on me. So your point of finding the right therapist, that is one of the primary things that I hear from folks that I'm in community with, and from folks that, you know, a coach is, how do I find the right person, because it can be discouraging to put yourself out there and to take that step, to go to therapy and not be in the right space or with the person that's equipped to support you in the way that you need to be supported. So that is so important, not just to go so that you can embrace your story to go and have the right. Support. Yes, have the right support. We don't acknowledge just like you said, what you went through with your babies called your attention to what you were carrying, right? Often if it's not diagnosed, if it's not medicated. We don't think it's significant. But the trauma that we carry in our bodies, I call it an Invisible Backpack. It detects, we engage with the world. It determines how we engage with other people. It determines how we exist. And if we don't even know what's in that backpack if we haven't acknowledged that it was traumatic if we haven't acknowledged that it does have an impact on how I show up And then there's no way for us to freely go forward in what we were created to do. Exactly. Hey, friend, I'm just popping in to let you know that I have just a handful of openings on my calendar over the next three months for one on one coaching clients, if you are an accomplished woman who has found that you've lost your fire over time, if you have been successful doing all the things, but you just want to love your work. Again, if you're really good at what you do, but you know that there is more than you need to reach out, go to connect with pbj.com Sign up for a connect call, we'll jump on real quick. I just need to make sure you're a good candidate for my coaching program. And if so we'll dig in together and I'll walk this journey with you. All right, y'all reach out connect with PD de.com, I look forward to speaking with. Hello, my name is Patrice claw. And I just want to say Dr. PBJ, has truly impacted my life in a great way. I thank you for all the ideas and the inspiration and just the teaching and knowledge that you bring with him. She has a tremendous way of just speaking from her heart to your heart. I think she has disrupted the sub dysfunction in my life, for lack of a better word. So if you are in need of the disruption, go see Dr. P rejet. I'm so grateful that our lives and our paths have crossed, you have truly had an amazing impact on me and my mindset. And I am forever grateful. Thank you. So once we are working on that process of facing the trauma, looking through that backpack, identifying what's there working with someone who's equipped to support us, and help us what are some ways that we can start moving forward because you said to fight against that natural part of our body is not not what we need to do. But I also know I need to write this book I need to apply to go to school, I need to start like it won't leave me alone. Like I know I'm supposed to do these things. Gabi. But how do I get myself from the place of this is not safe, body responding and fight flight or freeze to actually doing the thing? Yeah, it's such a good question. You have to stay within what is called your window of tolerance. So basically what your window of tolerance is going to start as a small space where you feel regulated and safe within that space. How you can expand that window and move further and further into the things that you want to do is by keeping one foot in that window of tolerance, and putting one foot outside of it. So you'll feel a little bit activated. So let's say we want to go and write the book. So we set aside that two hours we sit down at our computer, what we can do is say yes, I'm going to spend five minutes, I'm going to spend five minutes on this. And before I start, I'm going to listen to my favorite song, or something that gets you into a headspace where you know, it's just going to make you feel better. Whatever that is for you. For me, music is a huge one. I'm going to listen to this song. And then we're going to say 510 minutes, 10 minutes max, set a timer. Because when you set a timer and you set parameters around something that's small, then your body's like, yeah, I can do anything for 10 minutes. Yes. And then maybe after that 10 minutes, you're done. And you celebrate by you know, having a cup of coffee or texting your best friend, something else that makes you feel good. So you're going to do something called regulate before and after. Looks good. So you're going to sandwich regulation. After that 10 minutes, maybe you'll be like I can handle another 10 And you said that timer. The thing is you're showing your body safety by saying there's a beginning and an end. And the end isn't the end of the book. The end isn't two hours from now the end is within your window of tolerance. Until going into that space and working on that project or writing that book is going to start feeling joyful. It's going to start feel liberating and exciting because you've been so kind to your body. And that's the biggest thing is you have to show you Self Compassion, you're working with your body, not against your body, you're working with yourself and compassion, not motivating yourself with shame. Shame is a terrible motivator. It works sometimes. But if you push through, I've done this so many times in my life, where I've pushed through, I've done a project and then afterwards, I shut down for days. It's because I motivated myself with shame. So I don't feel good about finishing the project. I'm depleted. I've worked against my body. And now my body's like, you put you put us in a place that feels like death. And so now you need to go into freeze mode, until we feel like it's safe to come out again. And then you're never going to want to do that project ever again. Oh, my gosh, you're exactly. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Because I think the power of it, what I just heard is working with my body. Yes. And we, and you know, my little babies, she's like, I want you right now. Y'all know who she is, I'm not gonna say her name, because it's really gonna amp her up. But anyway, with my body, doing things that honestly, we've been taught through culture, through whatever is a waste of time. That five minutes of music, you don't have time for music, you need to write a book, get ready for this project, you need to have this meeting, you need to do blah, blah, blah, you need to cook the dinner, you need to wash the dishes, whatever. But what I hear you saying is, instead of depriving my body of what it needs, if I will work with my body and the way that it was created to work, they can accomplish the things I need to accomplish, because it's a partnership. Yeah. And when I don't do that, because what we don't understand is there are powerful automatic processes in our bodies. We don't pay attention to the warning signs, this powerful brain this energy center, it takes over and it says, Okay, I gave you a warning, saying you're not making good decisions for us. So it's up to me now. Yeah, going into freeze mode, because we need to be protected. And when Yeah. So just by surrendering to what your body needs. With parameters with timers, we're surrendering. And it doesn't make the project seem so overwhelming, because I know, I can do 10 minutes I can do, I can take a little step, I can take a little chunk, the things that seem insignificant are the things that we actually mean, is not the big leaps is not the huge and social media will have us think everybody's making big leaps from it's just not true. It's just not true. The one email that you need to send the one conversation that you need to have the one phone call that you need to make, those are the steps and you allow your body to kind of venture out of that window of tolerance just a little bit to get used to and to get comfortable in a new space. And then you have room to continue growing. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I love it. And I mean, as you start, like, again, the word is going to be compassion. Because as you start, you may have like me grown up, being told you can't trust your body. You just do what you're told, perform, perform, perform. So it might take time for you to really get in tune with your body. But maybe like my coach, again, Sarah Baldwin, who's incredible. She had me set two timers a day. And the timer would go off. And it would just be for me to remind myself, oh, like, what is my body feeling right now. And get in tune with that. And really start to believe that you can trust the cues your body is giving you regardless of how you've been raised. Like you can trust that like sometimes it's as simple as I'm thirsty. Like, I really just need some water we forget to take care of our most basic needs. That's one of the first things I learned with my son was like, the very first thing you do is is he hungry? Is he thirsty? Does he need sleep? And you take care of those most basic things and we forget to do that even for ourselves. You know? Yeah, if I take care of my basic needs, will I feel better right now? Yeah, probably least Yeah, yeah. Even breathing? Oh, yeah, I was. So I had a knee injury earlier this year. And I've been working with a physical therapist virtually. And when I'm away, we work virtually. And I was doing this stretch. And she said, you're not breathing. She's a stop. She said, I can see it, I think. And I was so focused on doing the movement correctly, that I realized that my most basic need my most critical knee at the time, was not as soon as she got my attention. And I started to breed the movement was easy. Wow, what I was focusing on and what I made difficult. That wasn't what I needed. Most. I needed the oxygen. Yeah. When I decided to breathe, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about that. Because how often are we walking around in our day holding our breath? Our shoulders are up to our ears, because we're holding all have the tension in our bodies. We don't we don't even realize that we're failing to relax. Failing to release, right? Um, so share with us a little more. So music may be one what are some other ways of regulating? So that we can begin to step into areas where our body may be a little uncomfortable? Yeah, one of the things I love about regulation is it's not complicated. We overcomplicate everything where we're like, if it's not hard, then am I doing it right? Well, actually, it's pretty simple. The things you hear about all the time, like moving your body, moving, your body will be one of the biggest ways for you to stay in a regulated state. You can put a fancy word on walking, called bilateral stimulation, basically, all it means is you're using both sides of your body and your brain. Doing that helps your autonomic nervous system know you're in the present moment and that you're safe. Also breathing. Like you said, I tried to go to a yoga class at least once a week just because I'm terrible at breathing. Like I keep everything up in the top of my chest because I was raised to be hyper vigilant. So just reminding myself like I can breathe all the way into my belly. And there's so many breathing exercises, even on YouTube and things like that. You can look for breathing exercises. And, yeah, I put up for you guys, I put up a whole picture of different things that you can do. So for an example, for someone who might be in like someone who works from home like me, and I wake up, I send my kids to school, and then I find myself, Okay, it's time to work. And I don't feel like working. And I feel like sitting. What I do now is I know, okay, I'm in dorsal, I need to work myself up into a regulated state. So I'm just going to go in my bathroom, and I'm going to put on some mascara. Put on the mascara. Okay, I feel a little more human. Let's go drink some water. Okay, feel a little bit more human, maybe clean up one space. All right, yeah, I'm actually feeling a completely different than I did 30 minutes ago when I said I can't do this. And then you can start to go into those things like, okay, and I'm going to do this for 15 minutes, and it's going to be fine. And then I'm going to have a snack. And it's just slow, very gentle mobilization. The net, just the next thing, even if it has nothing to do with the project, like putting on mascara has nothing to do with the project. But it has everything to do with it. Because it's what helps me feel like a human being who's capable. Because that's literally what happens is like at the bottom, I said there's dorsal in the middle, there's sympathetic, which is that fight flight freeze mode, and at the top is ventral, where you're feel calm, clear, headed and capable. That's where you're always trying to get. It's just those little acts of gentle mobilization. After we had our time with you guys, we have our own little community where we talk back and forth with each other. So many people just rested that weekend. Like just we messaged each other of how we just decided to do nothing the next day. I love that. You just acknowledged that I remember sitting on my couch with my puppy. You talked to us about coregulating yes to be a human right. I literally remember sitting on my couch holding her which is normal for us. But this time I intentionally rub her felt her hair. So her breathing, I felt her heart beating. And now when I hold her it is very intentional. very intentional that I spend that time with her. But I also recognize the impact that it's having on me. Yes. I'm recognizing that it brings joy to my heart of that moment to share that love with her to feel that she's healthy, that she's alive that she's breathing and breathing, and she doesn't have a care in the world. Yeah, exactly. All the way. Oh, and I can share that space even with my puppy. Yep. helps my body move back to ventral right? Yes, ventral helps my body move back to ventral. And then I can do the things I needed to do. Yes, we've been working with my body. Yes. And I love that you bring up coregulation. By the way, I feel like that's a really important thing to talk about. Because so far, we've just talked about self regulation. But that coregulation is really, really powerful. There are so many different ways that you can do it. But just getting into a space where there's other people or animals with nervous systems, you have these things in your brain called mirror neurons that are like mirroring the energy that's around you. So with your puppy, it's going to make you feel calm, I will often go work at a coffee shop. Because at home, I'm like, this is where I sleep. So I feel like I want to sleep. But when I'm out and there's other people, I'm not talking to them or anything, but just like there's a barista. And there's people talking and doing their things I feel more capable by coregulation. Or even like I mentioned, every once in a while, if I'm really feeling like I need to do this project, I don't want to I'll turn on a TV show that's really familiar in the background. Because you can coregulate with people on TV, which is so cool. So, so cool. But yeah, whatever it is that can help you helps you feel calmer and more in your body and more like okay, I feel alive in this moment. Like, do it. Stop depriving yourself of those things. So powerful is so good. If you're watching this video you're seeing I can't help but smile. And litter literally tears in my eyes. Because now I understand. And even with the writing, so I've been a part of a writing community with a coach right, but I showed up every now and then you know life was busy. There's so much since I met with you, Gabi, I don't miss an opportunity to co-write Wow. I don't miss. Because now I understand I get it. I'm in phase with other people who are doing some who have done it before. First of all, like some people who have written and published they've done it before they're working on another work. Others in this group are working on their first book just like I am pleased the encouragement and the accountability, but the coregulation Yes. All their together doing this together. And it is it's magic. I love that. Amazing. Oh, okay, we gotta let the people go. I want to give you an opportunity if there's anything else you want to say or share, but also please let people know how they can connect with you how they can learn more from you. Because I know they will want to. Well, I would love to connect with your listeners. I know you have an incredible community. You can find me on Instagram, I love to hang out on Instagram. My handle is Gabi Ruth Gabi R U T H. I also have a website, Gabiruth.com, a podcast called pain to passion live, where I share people's stories of how they turn their pain into something beautiful to give back to the world. And if you get on my website, too, and you click on 111 on one call, I do free connection calls. So I would love to connect with anyone see where you're at with your dream, or your healing or even your writing projects. I would love to chat with you and get connected and see how maybe this work can help you further so I'm excited to connect with anyone. And I'm so grateful you're doing this work. Thank you friend. I'm so grateful for you, Gabi, all of your links, everything will be in the show notes so that folks can get in touch with you. You should do it for him. Do it because gaining this understanding and having support from Gabi will free you it will free to do the thing that you know that you were created to do so. Thank you Gabi. Thank you for sharing with us. Thank you for joining us. I'm so grateful for your time Thank you for the opportunity. So, as always friends you know you are powerful. You are significant and you are loved. Love always PBJ