Ever found yourself robotically responding "I'm fine" when someone asks how you are, only to realize you're far from it? This episode peels back the layers of that automatic answer, inviting you to a genuine self-check as we confront the burnout beast that shadows every corner of our lives. I openly discuss my own skirmishes with burnout, sharing the vital steps necessary to reclaim our zest for life. It's a soul-searching quest, one that begins with acknowledging the three escalating stages of burnout: the deceptive calm of surviving, the mounting pressure of overwhelm, and the critical mass of the burnout phase. My revelations serve as a beacon for those navigating their own turbulent seas, underscoring the urgency to disrupt the cycle before it spirals out of control.
But what about the bonds that tether us to our humanity—the relationships that nourish our souls? In this candid conversation, we're reminded to tend to these connections with as much diligence as we apply to our professional endeavors. It's a heartfelt exploration into the heart of our personal universe, challenging you to reflect on the health of your cherished relationships, and equally, on how you've been caring for your own well-being. Together, we affirm the power within to not only survive but to thrive, as we prepare to continue this transformative journey through the world of self-care and connection in our next episode.
Ever found yourself robotically responding "I'm fine" when someone asks how you are, only to realize you're far from it? This episode peels back the layers of that automatic answer, inviting you to a genuine self-check as we confront the burnout beast that shadows every corner of our lives. I openly discuss my own skirmishes with burnout, sharing the vital steps necessary to reclaim our zest for life. It's a soul-searching quest, one that begins with acknowledging the three escalating stages of burnout: the deceptive calm of surviving, the mounting pressure of overwhelm, and the critical mass of the burnout phase. My revelations serve as a beacon for those navigating their own turbulent seas, underscoring the urgency to disrupt the cycle before it spirals out of control.
But what about the bonds that tether us to our humanity—the relationships that nourish our souls? In this candid conversation, we're reminded to tend to these connections with as much diligence as we apply to our professional endeavors. It's a heartfelt exploration into the heart of our personal universe, challenging you to reflect on the health of your cherished relationships, and equally, on how you've been caring for your own well-being. Together, we affirm the power within to not only survive but to thrive, as we prepare to continue this transformative journey through the world of self-care and connection in our next episode.
Hey friend, it's PBJ. Welcome to another episode of Disrupting Burnout. Listen, let me just start out by letting you all know that your favorite furry friend, this 10.2 pounds of love, she is having a day today. Let me tell you something. I've been trying to record this podcast for the last two hours and this thing is barking at everything. So here's what I've decided we're going to go on and do this thing right now. All right, we're going to go ahead and get it done. If she barks, I will try to edit it out. I will try. I have adjusted the volume of my microphone so you won't hear it. But listen, are we family or are we family? You may hear her today. She may make a guest appearance, but this is too important for us not to have this conversation. So are you ready? Let's get into this thing, let's talk about it.
Speaker 1:
Friends, how are you? No, really, how are you? If you've ever been in one of my live workshops or trainings, you know, after I share my story about burnout, I start with this question how are you? How's your mind? How's your body? How are your relationships? How are your most critical relationships? How are you? What I find as I travel this country is purposeful. Professionals spend so much time checking on other people and you make the assumption that somebody is going to check on you. And I'm here to tell you that you have to learn to be your first advocate. When was the last time you stopped to check on you? How are you Today in this episode? Are you Today?
Speaker 1:
In this episode we are reviewing chapter three of my new book, disrupting Burnout. You know we are spending some time here on the episode to share a book club around this book. So if you don't have your book, go to Amazon and grab it, or you can upgrade your subscription here to get the full audio book. I will tell you in the audio book there are spoonfuls of PBJ, just additional thoughts that I had as I was reading it aloud to you. There's just also the emotion of reading it aloud for the first time. I could not have packaged it better than that. Honestly, what I gave you was my whole heart in the audio book, so I hope you will upgrade $10 and go listen to it. But this week we are focused on chapter three, and chapter three is called Disrupting Burnout, and this chapter lays the foundation for our entire journey through disrupting the cycle of burnout. And it starts by asking you this question how are you?
Speaker 1:
Often, when I'm having one-on-ones with women who are considering coaching with me or joining the hard work community, I asked this question what will it cost you if you do nothing different, if you don't change anything? What will it cost you? And I've received a variety of responses. Folks talk to me about the physical challenges and ailments that they face. They talk to me about relational challenges that they are facing. They talk to me about emotional challenges, anxiety, depression, different things that they face. But the one comment that disturbs me the most and not just the comment itself, but the frequency of which I hear this comment just disturbs my soul, and the response that bothers me the most is this will cost me my life. There are women, there are people, there are purposeful professionals who are so deep into the cycle of burnout that they are concerned for their very life, whether it be the way the pressure impacts their physical body, their heart, whether it be the way the weight impacts their emotional life. These people are concerned about living. They're concerned if they can even go on, go on, if they're even going to make it, and I'm here to tell you that we cannot continue to pretend that the cycle of burnout is not taking us out. We cannot continue to believe that the consequences are not worth a change.
Speaker 1:
All right, friend, I'm just popping in really quick because I need your help. Would you go over to Amazon right now and leave a quick review for Disrupting Burnout? You don't have to finish the whole book to leave a review and it doesn't have to be long or fancy, just your honest take on the book. I know that there's some algorithm fairies out there. If you leave enough reviews, they will share this book with other readers who need it. So would you help me out? Would you help our friends out who haven't heard about Disrupting Burnout yet? Go over to Amazon and leave your honest review for disrupting burnout. I appreciate you.
Speaker 1:
All right, let's get back to the episode. So let's begin by refreshing ourselves on what is the cycle of burnout. So, if you read chapter three, there's more detail there to give you a foundation. But I want you to know that there is a definition, an official definition, of burnout from the World Health Organization. I believe that it was shared with us in November 2019. And they call burnout an occupational phenomenon. An occupational phenomenon, an occupational phenomenon and a syndrome conceptualized as resulting from chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed. Okay, so, first of all, you all know my doctorate is an EDD in education. Okay, so I know that I am not credentialed to stand against the who, but, as I always say, I've got to give you a spoonful of PBJ, because I have a number of challenges with this definition. First of all, thank you.
Speaker 1:
I'm grateful that we have a definition to start having conversations, but this definition is sorely lacking. It's lacking because I have yet to find one person who can keep burnout just to work. It's not just an occupational phenomenon. It's not appropriate or fair for us just to call it something a workplace stress that hasn't been successfully managed. I think it's much deeper. I have yet to meet one person who can keep burnout just to work. I'm only stressed out at work. Everything else is fine. When you are in the cycle of burnout, everything in your life is impacted. So I'm grateful.
Speaker 1:
I'm grateful that the WHO has offered a definition for us to start with, but we have to go deeper. There's more here, friends, and I can't tell you the number of times I engage with people and they say well, pbj, I don't think I'm burnt out, like I don't know how to describe it. It doesn't feel great, things aren't perfect. I got a lot going on, but I don't think I'm burnt out. And what I hear when you say that is I'm in the cycle of burnout but I'm not at rock bottom. So I present to you this idea of the cycle because it's just that we continue through a cycle, a continuum if you will, and there are three phases of this cycle. The first phase of the cycle of burnout is surviving.
Speaker 1:
In surviving, you know it's too much, you can feel the pressure, there's a lot going on, you are caught up in busy, but you don't feel like you need intervention, you don't feel like you need help or anybody to do anything, but you know it's a lot and you don't know how to stop it from being a lot. We normalize it by saying well, this is just adulting, this is just life, this is how it works, right, like adults have to be responsible. Work is just life. This is how it works, right. Like adults have to be responsible. Work is not fun, it's not meant to be fun, but I'm here to tell you that at some point you should be thriving and not just surviving all the time and we find ourselves stuck in surviving.
Speaker 1:
In surviving, you feel like you're on a roller coaster and you really wish somebody would stop the ride, just so you could catch your breath In surviving. When I ask how are you? Your response is I'm fine. How's work? It's fine. How's family? Everybody's fine, it's all fine, it's fine. Fine is a mask word and can mean a lot of things. Fine might mean if I told you you wouldn't know what to do anyway, so I'm fine. Fine could mean I don't even know how to tell you so I'm fine. Fine could mean I don't even know how to tell you, so I'm fine. Fine could mean I'm concerned about what you might think if I tell you so I'm fine. Fine is a mask word.
Speaker 1:
If you don't do something different in surviving, then you move to a phase I call overwhelm. In overwhelm, the water level of your life is rising and you are fighting to keep your head above water. Where, in surviving, you can wear your mask well and unless folks know you intimately, they don't even know you're struggling. You look like you got it going on. You are making it work, you are making it do what it do and overwhelm, that mask starts to crack and it starts to tell on you and overwhelm. All of the warning sirens and the warning lights in your nervous system start to go off and your body starts to speak with you and aches and pains and system issues. Your mind starts to speak with you and racing thoughts and can't sleep or sleeping too much, and your heart, your emotions start to speak to you with these roller coasters and tears or anger or isolation, and your most critical relationships start to speak to you in overwhelm. In overwhelm, you really know that you got to change, but you just don't know what to do. In overwhelm, you know it's not working. In overwhelm, you start to wonder if you are enough, if you are good enough, if you are smart enough, if you are strong enough, if you have enough, if you are enough If you don't do something different. And overwhelm y'all have heard me say it before overwhelm is the whisper, burnout is the demand. You will stop. You will stop in burnout.
Speaker 1:
Burnout I call the involuntary, automatic shutdown. Something breaks and you can't tell it when and you can't tell it how and you can't hide it. It's very public. As I share my story of burnout, I want you to know that I never meant to leave my job that way. It was never my intention to just walk away. I had never quit anything before and if you would have asked me even months earlier if I would have quit, I would have told you absolutely not. That is not what I do, but is what I did, because when burnout shows up, it doesn't ask your permission. Burnout is rude and it's a thief. It comes to take everything that's important to you. In burnout, I lost my health. In burnout, my family life was in jeopardy. In burnout, I lost my job. I'm here to tell you that when burnout shows up, something breaks. But regardless of where you are in the cycle of burnout, I'm a witness that you can recover. You don't have to stay in that space. You don't have to remain in that cycle. You don't have to continue to suffer through. You can recover from the cycle of burnout and live a life that is full of brilliance.
Speaker 1:
Full of brilliance doesn't mean absence ofiance. Full of brilliance doesn't mean absence of problems. Full of brilliance doesn't mean absence of stress. We live in a real world with real problems. Full of brilliance does mean absence of burnout, absence of overwhelm. It does mean that you're not just surviving, but you're thriving even through troubling times, and that's our goal here.
Speaker 1:
That's why we're taking this journey, that's why we're reading this book, that's why we created the Heartwork Community, that's why we do life together, so that we can disrupt the cycles of burnout and not just focus on the surface tactics that people share with us the time management, the resilience, the waiting for some new normal, the work-life balance, like. I don't think there's anything necessarily wrong with those. They're just not enough. Well, work-life balance I do have a real problem with that. If you've ever seen me speak, you know have a real problem with work-life balance. But other than that, I think time management is great. I think knowing how to be resilient is important. I just don't think any of it is enough and we have to go deeper. We have to understand the root of where burnout comes for us, so that we can address that root. So, instead of those surface tactics, the way that we disrupt burnout is by checking our baggage, building boundaries and discovering our brilliance. And in the book and in these next few episodes, we are going to dig deeply into all of those strategies to walk you through so that you don't continue living in this cycle of burnout over and over and over.
Speaker 1:
In chapter three we go back to the foundational scripture for the book, and I love to read it in the message translation. So again, that scripture is Matthew 11, 28 through 30. And these three strategies check your baggage, build your boundaries, discover your brilliance. They all come from the word of God, but this scripture, I think it speaks to our hearts and where we are and where we're trying to go. So again, it's Matthew 11, 28 through 30, and I'm reading it in the message translation. It says are you tired, worn out, burned out on religion? Come to me, get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me. Watch how I do it, watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly.
Speaker 1:
This entire passage speaks to me, but in this moment I want to emphasize and encourage you that it's so important to learn the unforced rhythms of grace, of the busyness and struggling to address problems and circumstances we find ourselves living according to a rhythm that is not aligned with our life and that pushes us beyond our grace. When I think about rhythm and clapping your hands, there's a steady beat, a steady beat. And if we can stay on steady beat with Holy Spirit, if we're walking with him and staying on beat with him, then we allow him to live and be who he is in our life. But when we get on our own rhythm and when we're moving to the beat of somebody else's drum whether it be culture, or whether it be our profession or our career or expectations of people that we love, when we're living according to a rhythm that we were not created to live, I wonder why our bodies, our minds, our emotions and our most critical relationships are in jeopardy. Friend, account for your rhythm. What rhythm are you living on right now? Do you find yourself marching to the steady beat or do you find yourself chasing and creating anxiety and living in anxiety from a rhythm that you were never called Time to learn the unforced rhythms of grace?
Speaker 1:
It is time to surrender to the way that you were created to live. There's no greater gift. There's no greater fit. We talked last week about how your brilliance is a perfect fit for you. It's a perfect fit, and it is time for you to let go of what doesn't belong and what doesn't fit, and it's time for you to walk into your tailor-made brilliance. Friend, you don't have to keep pushing until it costs you your life. Hear me, you don't have to keep pushing. You don't owe anybody anything. You don't have to live up to any certain standard. You've done the things. If you listen to this podcast, you have done the things. It is time for you to experience freedom. It is time for you to experience brilliance. It is time for you to disrupt the cycles of burnout.
Speaker 1:
So, at the close of chapter three in the do the hard work section, there are some questions that I encourage you to ask yourself, to assess how you're doing, and I want to walk you through those questions. I challenge you to do a little self-assessment, if you are willing and if you're safe, I want you to sit comfortably with both feet on the floor. I want you to close your eyes for a moment and just take a deep breath in for four, four. Hold it. One, two, three, Four. Release it slowly. One, two, three, four. I want you to open your eyes and take a few minutes to answer the following questions. I'm going to read through them, but know that they are at the end of chapter three, pages 50 and 51 in your book, if you want to take a little more time.
Speaker 1:
Number one how is your body? How are you feeling physically? Are you accommodating any ache or pain? Does any system or function in your body seem to be just a bit off? Have you been ignoring any medical concerns? How's your body? Number two how's your mind? Number two how's your mind? What thoughts do you think as you wake in the morning? What thoughts do you think as you attempt to rest at night? What thoughts do you push away as you work during the day because you don't have time to deal with them? How's your mind? How's your heart? Not the heart that beats, but the heart that feels. What emotions are you wrestling with? Have you had reactions that feel outside of your personality? Is there any unresolved anger, shame, fear or confusion in your life? Do you find your emotional reactions are out of control? How's your heart?
Speaker 1:
Finally, how are your relationships? I'm talking about the ones that mean most to you. Think about the relationships you want to be with you forever. Is there any discord or division? Are you experiencing any break in communication with the ones you love? Is there any relationship you feel like you're losing. How are your relationships, friend? How are you? You don't owe me an explanation, you don't owe me an answer, but you do owe it to yourself. You've spent so long checking on everybody else. It's time for you to check on you. We're going to come back next week and we will continue this journey through disrupting burnout, but until then, as always, you are powerful, you are significant, you are brilliant and you are loved. Love always, pbj.