26. What is your Motivation?

What drives you?  In this episode of the Heart Work with PBJ podcast, Dr. Patrice Buckner Jackson discusses the process for discovering your WHY- that motivation that drives you toward purpose.  In discovering your WHY you should avoid the "Why Traps".  Dr. Jackson shares three of these Why Traps in episode 26- people-pleasing, competition, and the pursuit of things.

The waitlist for the Heart Work Academy is open.  Be sure to join the waitlist in order to have the first opportunity to register for the summer academy.  Seats are limited to 15 people.  Do not delay.  Join the waitlist today:  www.heartworkacademy.com

Purchase the eBook at www.mythofbalancedtime.com

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Transcript

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Hey friends, this is Dr. Patrice Buckner Jackson. But you can call me PBJ. Welcome to another episode of Heart Work with PBJ, where we are disrupting cycles of burnout for people who do their work from the heart. We believe over here that you can do the work that you're called to do without losing the life you desire. So I'm so glad and so honored, y'all. I'm honored that you will spend this time with us have these conversations with us. Join me every week, it means everything. And I believe in this community. I know the work that you do, and the investment you make, but I'm also familiar with what it costs you. So I hope that you will continue to come and be refreshed and be revived and be encouraged. So you can keep doing that work that good work that deep work, friends. Before we get into the episode this week, I need to tell you, by the time this episode goes live, the academy doors will be open. Our Summer Academy, our first Academy, y'all, we're going to be working for five weeks together on disrupting cycles of burnout so that you can do your work and freedom. And I hope that you will join me to learn what I have learned over the last eight years of how to do this and how to live in peace and freedom y'all it's worth it is worth the time is worth the investment. It has meant everything, everything to my life, and I am so excited to share it with you. So if you know you are interested, and if you need this academy, you need to go over to heartworkacademy.com again, go to heartworkacademy.com get signed up right away. Now, here's the truth, friends, I don't want to overcrowded Academy, I want to make sure that I can serve each of you Well, for the five weeks that we'll be together. So I'm only taking 15. So it's very, very important for you to sign up right away. If you know this is for you, you need to jump in. Because once we hit that 15 cap, I have to close the doors, and then we're going to do what we're going to do, it's gonna be good, it's gonna be so good. So go over to heart work. academy.com Check it out, get registered, don't delay, because my friends, those doors are gonna close. those doors will close that 15. So I hope you'll come over and join us. I hope you will be with us as we walk through this journey this summer. Because I promise you, if you go through that Academy, you'll never be the same. So let's do it together. Okay. And as always, you need to go over to Instagram and follow me there@drpatricebucknerjackson. So@drpatricebucknerjackson, that's where you get all of the updates. That's where you know what's going on. Let's get into the episode. This week, my friends, we're going deeper into our conversation about starting with you. So if you've been listening the last few weeks, you know, we've been talking about every time you hear a conversation about burnout or about task or about calendars, or about time, it's focused on our task and the people that we serve. And we get that we understand why. But I'm here to tell you, if you always focus on your tasks and the people you're serve, your life is always going to be run by your task list, and other people. So here at hardware community, we believe in starting with you. And when you start with you, we're talking about your values, your energy, your motivation, your purpose, your priorities and your sacrifice. So today, we want to talk about motivation. What motivates you? What's important to you? What is your driver? What causes you to do the work that you do? What causes you to push and press the way that you push in press? What is that thing that keeps you going and keeps you pursuing? So that's what we want to talk about your motivation? What is your reason? What is your why many of you may be familiar with Simon Sinek. And Simon Sinek wrote a book called start with why. And he gives a lot of talks about why it's important to start with why and the talks that I've heard him give, were really focused the importance of sharing the why with your team or with your customers or with people that you're trying to get signed up with you which is beautiful. But I also want to talk to you about us individually and internally. How to Recognize that why and where that why comes from and what is the reason soaked. Once we recognize where the Y comes from, what is the result of whatever that motivation is, in our life, when you think about why we serve and how we serve there, there are two extremes that you can think about. And hopefully most of us are somewhere in the middle. But when I think about the, the extremes of why we serve, on one extreme, you have the selfish end. So if I prepare a buffet, and I'm cooking, you know, all my favorite recipes, and I lay them out, then if I do all of that work, and just feed myself, then that's selfish, right? So that reminds me, that puts me in the mind of sometimes we call a passion, purpose. I have a coach, her name is Patrice Washington. And she always encourages us that you're we're not pursuing passion, because passion is for you. It's not for other people. purpose is for other people. You know, the way that Patrice teaches it is that you know, your passion. For example, She uses singing in the shower, you may sing in the shower, it makes your heart feel good, but maybe nobody's gonna buy your CDs, because you're not a singer. And that's okay. You can still pursue that for yourself. But that's not purpose. Purpose is what we pursue. For other people passion may fizzle out, emotions change, we may feel one way about it today, and a different way about it tomorrow. So we focus here on purpose, not passion, okay. And on the other extreme, if I make that buffet, and I lay all the food out, and it's beautiful, it's wonderful, and it tastes good, and it's feeding so many people, but I refuse to feed myself, instead of being selfish. Now. That's foolish, right? So that's when we become a martyr, that's when we lead to burn out because we don't have the motivation to take care of ourselves. And it's not about me at all. So I believe that we've got to be somewhere in the middle, not always all about everybody else, but also not always all about us. But there's a sweet spot that we can find there's a place in purpose and a place and alignment that we can find where what I bucket can be filled, our cup can be filled, but also we're serving other people. So that's where I want to encourage us to go and dig in for your why and figuring out your motivation. Where do you stand on the continuum? Are you on the extreme side of selfish? Or are you on the extreme side of foolish, and you're not taking care of yourself at all? So try to find your place. And then after you find that place, figure out where you need to be? How do you adjust that to find the sweet spot where you yourself are being filled and being served, and having what you need to go forward. But you're also serving whomever you're called to serve, right? And keep in mind, we're not called to be all things to all people. So you're not here to serve everybody. So who are those particular people that you are called to serve in this season? Okay, so think about your why. Why do you do it? Why do you give the time? Why do you give the energy? Why do you put so much into it? Why do you pursue it? Why is it important? In thinking about your why today, particularly, I want us to talk about some y traps, because I believe that there are some y traps that we can fall into, that will consume us and leave us lead us to overwhelm and lead us to burn out instead of leading us to purpose. So let's talk about some of these y traps. Before we get into them. I want to talk a little bit about where the Y traps come from. You know, I've taught students for years about this invisible backpack. And I believe we all have an invisible backpack and it's interesting. I thought I came up with the invisible backpack. But then I had a colleague who showed me an article that somebody else tell us about the invisible backpack as well. So I'm not taking credit. I honestly don't know who did it first and it doesn't matter but it works. Okay. It makes sense. So follow me go with me here. Everybody has an invisible backpack. You have it on right now. You may not realize you put it on every day. You may not realize you're wearing it, but you have an invisible backpack. And in that backpack is every experience everything you've been through everything you learned, all of that is in piled in that backpack and at some point in your life. It is important that you open up that backpack, and you begin to pull out what's in that backpack, you begin to explore it and see what's in there. And as you're going through that backpack, you might decide one experience that serves me, well, that has helped me, it pushes me towards purpose, I'm going to hold on to this and keep it in my backpack, there may be something else in your backpack, you look at it, and you remember it, and you know where it came from. And you might say, that experience, that information, that knowledge, that word that somebody said about me, is harmful to me, or is harmful to other people around me, it has not served me well. So I'm gonna set that aside, we all have stuff, all of our stuff is in our backpack, in order to be the best that we can be. At some point, we got to go through that backpack, and we got to determine what's in that backpack, and decide what we're willing to take forward with us and what we need to leave behind. And whether that is through prayer, or working with a mentor, or working with a therapist, or all of the above whatever your process is, the way that you find that why is to go through your backpack, and to remove things and lay it all out and look at it and see what you're dealing with. And then decide what you're gonna put back. It's like spring cleaning, you know, when you spring clean your house you go through and it looks a hot mess. At first, it does not look like cleaning, it looks like you made a mess, it looks like you made a mess. But if you keep at it, and if you stay in the process, watch that stay in the process. If you stay in the process, what you will find is pulling everything out will give you the opportunity to assess, evaluate, figure out what you're working with, get rid of what you don't need, and put away what you need. And you're gonna end up having more space than you thought you had. So that's the same thing, think about going through your backpack as your spring cleaning. And and that also suggests that you need to do it more than once. So if you've gone through your backpack once, 10 years ago, and you got real settle with what you were carrying, life has happened since then. things have happened since then you've had experiences since then. So I'm not saying you need to necessarily go through it every year that's up to you, you decide how often you need to go through your backpack. What I am saying is that there needs to be times and seasons in your life, where you're going through that backpack, and you're determining what's in there. Because that backpack determines how you serve. It determines how you interact with other people. It determines your wholeness and your health in every area. It is important what is in your backpack. And it is important that you assess what's in your backpack, and you make decisions and you take action to put away What doesn't serve you well. And to hold on to that which does serve you well. So how do you find your why you go through your backpack, you make decisions, and you take action. Go through your backpack, make decisions, and then take action. So your wire traps can be found in your backpack. So let's go through some of these wire traps. And let's talk about where they might come from and what the outcomes of them might be. So one of the first y traps that I want to talk about is people pleasing. Now the reason why I chose to go here first is because this is one that I struggle with. I am well aware that it is easy for me to slip into people pleasing. I'm also aware of what people pleasing does to me. So I know that I have to guard my heart against people pleasing because it's a natural bend. For me. It's in my backpack when I think about growing up as a stepchild and it doesn't mean that any particular person did anything to make me feel this way. That's not what I'm saying. Because of my reality of growing up as a stepchild and the way that I perceived that reality and some experiences, let's be honest, some experiences I had in my backpack. There are some things about people pleasing. I want people to be happy with me. I don't want people to walk away or to leave me. I want people to see me as a solution. I want them to see me as dependable. I want them to see me as someone who cares. That is in my backpack. Now let me tell you, it serves me well. And one aspect because people know I care. And they are attracted to that. It's like a magnet right? But if I'm not careful, it will get out of control. And I will find myself stuck. And people pleasing, whether that be a boss or a mentor or a leader or a family member, it doesn't matter. I it is easy for me to find myself stuck. And people pleasing. Here is why you don't want to be stuck in people pleasing. People change their minds, the target is always moving. Most people don't even know what they want. So if you are always trying to be all things to other people, and they don't even know what they want, you will forever be chasing, and find yourself in exhaustion, because the target continues to change. They don't know what they want out of you. They don't even know what they want for themselves. So the target keeps moving. And ultimately, people pleasing will lead you to live out of alignment. And you will constantly be trying to fit yourself into the box that other people expect you to live in, instead of living in alignment with who you were created to be and what you were created to do. And that living out of alignment will lead you straight to overwhelm and enter burnout every time. So you've got to be careful of the Y trap, if your y is to make people happy with you. Because here's the truth, when you are truly living in in purpose. And when you truly living in alignment, you are going to make somebody may, somebody is going to disagree with you. Somebody is not going to be in alignment with what you think we're not called to agree with everybody. We're called to love everybody. And you can love them without agreeing with them. So you got to be careful, always trying to fit into the mold of what other people want you to be because everybody wants something different. So where's the truth, if you are always trying to be what other people want, and everybody wants something different than where is your truth. So people pleasing is a why trap, don't serve because you want to be everything to everybody. It's not feasible. It's not possible. It's not true. And it's not fair. So be careful of the Y trap of peace, people pleasing, be careful of the Y trap of competition. Sometimes our motivation comes from competition, we want to feel like we are leaving the race, that we are in charge that we are in front that we are the best. So sometimes we compete for our attention, or we compete for recognition, or compete for love. And there even may be people who are sent to bless you, that you see as competition. And you can't even receive what they are in your life to give you because you're so busy competing with them. So be very careful. Be very careful that you do not fall into the Y trap of competition. Sometimes that comes from as we were growing up, we didn't think we got enough attention or that the attention went to somebody else. Sometimes that comes from a self esteem issue, not feeling like you're good enough. So you're always chasing this prize of being better. And again, just like people pleasing, there is a benefit to having a competitive edge. There's a drive, there's a push, there's something in nature that doesn't let you give up. And it can serve you well. But any gift out of control is going to hurt you. Any gift out of control can hurt you. So make sure that your your why your core Why is not coming from your desire to compete and be the best in everything. always competing, is going to lead you to isolation, you will lose pivotal relationships. And you'll feel like that nothing is ever good enough. So be careful of the why trap of competition. The last y trap that I will share with you today is the pursuit of things, tangible things. You know, we live in the day of social media where anybody can have a highlight reel showing of their life that looks just beautiful. Most of us are not on social media talking about the full story. Everybody's not telling all the business. So what you see on social media looks like a complete story, but it's not leads us to comparison. It leads us to competition. It leads us to desire tangible things, just because somebody else has it. You gotta be careful thinking that the grass is greener on the other side. No matter What kind of grass you have, you have to water it, and you have to fertilize it and you have to take care of it. And if you take care of your own yard, it can be just as green as somebody else's. And you don't know what's over there. You also don't know what it costs them to be who they are. So be very, very careful. Falling into the wide trap of things, and the pursuit of tangible things. I am not saying that we should not have things or have a good life or that That's not at all what I'm saying, I believe that we can have a very comfortable life. But what I am saying is don't determine what comfortable life is to you based on what somebody else has. Don't determine what a good life is based on the things or the money that you have. There are plenty of examples of people who have plenty money, and they could have all the things that they wanted. But those things never filled those gaps in their lives. Those things never fulfilled their hearts, those things never helped them overcome depression, those things did not was not an answer for them. So be careful if your why is the pursuit of things, there has to be something deeper. And that pursuit of things may come from living in poverty or growing up in poverty, not having enough, even if you had enough, there's a mindset of poverty that we don't always think about, you know, if you were always told, we don't have money for that, we don't have money for that. We don't have money for that, whether you had it or not. It may create this thought or idea for you, that you need to pursue things in order to feel whole. So dig into your backpack, and figure out if it's things that you desire, if you see, or if you find yourself looking at somebody else's life and desiring what they have, whether that be relationships, or people or things or houses, cars, money, whatever it is, if you find yourself longing for what somebody else has, I encourage you to check your backpack and find out where that comes from and what is it that you went through? What is it that occurred for you, that causes you to compare yourself and to desire and pursue things. So again, friends, today, we're talking about your motivation, your why what pushes you what gives you that energy to keep going, I encourage you to establish a why or motivation that is intangible that is unending, that may be eternal, for me as spiritual. I would encourage you to find a deep why. And not just one of these y traps that will lead you to exhaustion and lead you to burn out. Take some time, my friends, take some time to dig into your backpack and find out what's in there, lay it all out, do some spring cleaning, then go through a process of laying aside what doesn't serve you well, and hold on to those things that do serve you well. And that's one of the things we'll be doing in the Summer Academy. In the Summer Academy. We're going to go through some backpacks. And we're going to pull out some things and figure out what's going on. And we're going to find ways and work through ways to lay those things aside so that we can do the work we're called to do what without living or without losing the life that we desire. So that's where we are friends, what's your motivation? What is your Why look forward today. So as always, I want to encourage you that you are powerful. You are significant and you are loved. Love always PBJ